All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S04E11.WEB-DL.NF.en

[sighs] David,
Stevie is just now

opening the Rose Apothecary
products we ordered
for the motel.

Okay, good, you're welcome.

Well, it would be good
if the order had arrived

when it was supposed to arrive,
last week.

All right, so it got held up.

What possible difference
could one week make?

We made sure to order
those products

-in time for the rollout.
-What rollout?

The Rosebud Motel rollout.

New name, new branding,
flowers in all the rooms.

New custom towels,
all part of the rollout.

Erm, who taught you rollout?

That may have been me. Sorry.

You know, other than your
little blunder,

it would've been
a flawless rollout.

Okay, you really need to stop
saying rollout.

David, delivery dates
are important,

when it comes
to client loyalty.

Okay, do I need to remind
you that

I'm the one doing
you the favour?

Accessorising motel bathrooms

is not what I would call
on-brand for the store.

So, if you would like
to pull the account,

you can pull the account.

Well, I can't pull the account,

because it's part
of the rollout.

So, I may be looking elsewhere

when it comes time
for the pop-out store.

Okay. He meant
pop-up store, right?

Honestly, David,
it took him like two weeks

-to learn rollout, so...
-[unzips]

[theme music playing]

It's just that we don't want
people adopting sad dogs.

You know, like singles
are sad enough,

so we want the puppies
to be happy,

and fun, and flirty.

Yeah, I got that note
in your email,

uh, but,

as you know, these are
rescue dogs

-so it's kinda hard
to guarantee fun.
-[gasps]

She's a little cutie!

That's actually a he,

and I think he might
already be spoken for?

But the event's like
a week away.

I know, I just,
I happened to show

some of these little rascals
to Heather,

and she saw this guy,
and wanted to adopt him.

So, we're just kind of in the
process of making that happen,

-for her.
-[clears throat] Hmm.

-Wow, love that for her.
-[Moira] Alexis?

Oh, Theodore, back for another
meeting of the animals, I see.

Hello, Mrs Rose.

You know you two are lovely
little freaks.

In this digital day of
discontented disconnection,

you two still manage
to do things face-to-face,

like people from before
your time.

Hmm. We were just
finishing up.

Oh, I'll-I'll just see you at
the volunteers' meeting, then?

Erm, you know what, you
don't have to come to that.

But, thank you for all
of your help with this.

Okay, er, okay, sure.

Well, let me know if you need
anything else.

-You got my number, obviously.
-Yes, I do, thank you.

-Bye, Mrs Rose.
-Bye.

See you again soon, I'm sure.

Safe to say our animal-loving
singles will be well placated.

Can I help you with something?

Yes! Yes.

That nudnik at the curling
rink just informed me

that they'll no longer be
able to accommodate

our Lover's Messy Sloppy Joe
Eat-a-Thon.

I'm afraid you have
to secure us another venue.

Okay, well, can't you do it?

No. Alas! Your co-chair will
be busy getting herself

out of jury duty today.

Okay, then I will just add
that to the immense list

of things that I have
to do this morning.

Alexis, you know me,
I'm not one to overstep,

But perhaps you might be
able to strike

a few more to-do's
off that list

if you and Ted spend
a little less time

fussing over this
canine auction.

It's a puppy adoption,
and we're done.

Planning. So, thank you.

[squeals]

-[door opens]
-Hey.

Wow! Looking very nice, Stevie.

Yeah, thanks, except I think
I have to go home now.

Really? What's going on?

Uh, nothing to be concerned
about, just this.

Oh, my God! What happened?

I don't know it's like an
allergic reaction or something.

Did we change
our laundry detergent?

No, what have you been
doing differently?

Nothing, just
rolling things out,
like you asked me to.

Could be, could be
an insect bite.

It's all the way up my arms.

Well, Stevie, stop!
What are you doing?

Uh, I know it's for
the guests,

but it's like
really good stuff,
and this is extra.

How long have you
been using that?

This morning.

Before or after your arm
started itching?

After, definitely after.

Oh, okay.

I mean, I might've tried
a little bit

when I was
unpacking the box,

-but my skin gets
real dry in here.
-It's the lotion.

What?

David's lotion
is giving you the rash!

No, I don't think
it's the lotion.

And you know what?
I'm not surprised!

Because he gets a lot
of this stuff from farms,

and who knows where,

and you don't know what's
in these natural products!

Stevie, why do you
keep doing that?

I don't know, okay! It might
be causing the rash,

but it's also the only thing
that's making it feel better.

Okay, well, we have to now
go and see David.

No, I think it's a better
idea that I just go home.

After we handle this!

This is the last thing we need
in the middle of a rollout!

Okay, if I could just get
everyone to be,

like, quiet for a minute?

-[people chattering]
-Help. Okay.

Hey! Hey.

Um, welcome to the first
official volunteer meeting.

I, of course, am your co-chair,
Alexis Rose.

Erm, I think this is gonna
be a very fun week.

[applauding]

But, as of right now,
it's less than ideal.

Erm, I don't wanna add
to anyone's stress,

but we just lost
the curling club.

[people murmuring]

Bottom line,
we need a new venue,

so if everyone can just like,
ask around? Please.

[Mutt] I might have a place.

Oh, my God!

Okay, um, everyone take
a hot five.

And, oh,
for those of you asking
about the t-shirts, yes,

they are supposed to be tight.

This is Singles Week,
everyone is fair game.

Okay?

-Hi!
-Hi.

What are you doing back?

Oh well, I, er,
I don't know
if you heard,

but I'm gonna have a little
brother soon,

-so yeah, I couldn't miss that.
-Um, yes, congratulations.

And, are you serious about
having a venue for me?

Because that
would be amazing.

Happy to loan out the barn,

if it can be cleaned up
in time.

What happened?

Oh, I asked a friend of mine
to keep an eye on it

while I was away,
and must have slipped her mind.

It didn't slip my mind,
I just like, didn't go.

Is it bad?

Yeah, a nice little home
for a family of raccoons.

I had to evict them, though,
and they didn't go quietly.

Okay. You are literally
saving my life right now.

I feel like I should help
you clean,

or like, water the plants,
or something.

I won't turn down the help,

but you don't have to worry
about the plants,

they are very, very dead.

Mutt, you're making me feel
partially responsible.

Moira Rose.

Moira! Moira!

Jocelyn,

I see you've been lassoed into
the judicial process as well.

Finally!

I'm surprised
to see you here, though.

I know, right?

You've served
so many times already!

I mean, you had to miss the
Jazzagals Luau Luncheon

because of that hung jury,
and then before that,

you and Johnny got caught
in that criminal trial

and couldn't make it
to the Seafood Potluck.

Mmm-hmm... What can I say?

I'm a stand-out
in the jury box.

But shame on them for summoning
a woman in your condition.

Oh, no, I've been waiting
for this moment.

Apparently, if they call
your number,

you get to stand in front
of a judge!

I feel like I'm on The Voice!

Ooh, as seductive as that
sounds, no thank you.

With Singles Week just around
the corner,

my services are desperately
needed elsewhere.

-[man] Number 23!
-Oh, my God! That's me!

Number 40, number 75!

Uh-oh, that's me.

Jocelyn, you're about to
witness a master class

in judicatory persuasion.

Hello?

Hello?

No one at the counter!

Who runs a business like this?

Anyone could just walk in here
and shoplift.

Okay, nobody's just walking
in here and shoplifting.

David! Your face!

I know my face!
I know my face!

It's a... It's a heat rash
or something!

I look like the Phantom
of the Opera!

Well, you can't greet
customers with that face!

You don't think I know that?

I don't have much choice!

Patrick's at some
business seminar,

I don't really know,
because I wasn't
really listening.

Stevie, show him your arms.

-Thought you'd never ask!
-Oh, my God!

What happened to your arms?

Same thing that happened
to your face!

-What?
-Your dad thinks
it's you moisturiser.

Okay, that's impossible.

I've been
using this moisturiser

-every day for three months.
-Oh.

Although, this is a new batch.

And we've already
sold half the stock.
Oh, my God!

See? I knew it!

David, we have a problem.
We have a big problem.

You could be sued!

-What?
-For retail negligence.

Stevie, show him
your arms again.

I don't want to show him
my arms.

I don't wanna see
her arms again.

You realize you're gonna have
to talk to Patrick

and tell him that you two
are gonna have to take a bit

-of a breather
when it comes to...
-Ew!

You know, could be contagious.

-Oh, my God!
-Yeah, and here you were
this morning,

acting like you were doing us
a favour with the rollout.

Okay, this is one of our
best-selling products.

Well, we're gonna have
to roll it back in.

And stop touching your face!

You stop touching your face!

[Alexis] Okay, this is
definitely smaller

than the curling rink.

Well, it sounds like you've
been really busy

-puttin' this thing together.
-Yeah.

What's happened since you
and Tallahassee

left on your pine-cone journey?

It's, er, Tennessee,
and I'm pretty sure
you know that,

-and that ended a while ago.
-Oh, no!

I totally thought she
was, like, the one for you.

We called it off the day
we arrived.

She's married to Moonshine now,
the owner of the cone farm.

I'm sorry to hear that.

That trip was a disaster.

Compass broke halfway there,

we ended up following
a star for two days.

Anyway, by the time
we got there,
we sat down

and, er, spoke our truths.

Pretty freeing.

That day I picked 700 cones!

Hmm, is that like a lot
of cones?

Well, Moonshine
and his daughter, Petal,

said it was the biggest one-day
haul they'd ever seen.

They gave me the Cone
of Achievement,

which allowed me to take
two showers that week.

[thunder rumbles]

-Speaking of showers,
-Ugh! No!

This can't happen,

I have like 50 zillion
things to do today.

Ooh, well, if only helping me
clean was one of 'em.

Ugh!

I can crack open a bottle
of cone wine?

Feeling risky?

Ugh, fine. Um, no.

Er... Fine. No.

Okay, but, erm, like, just one.

Welcome to jury selection.

The case you would be asked
to decide

is a misdemeanour
embezzlement charge

levied by the owners of Tom
and Marge's Magic and Fun Shop,

against their business manager,
Mr Albert Percy.

Embezzlement, no, no, no, no.

I've seen this movie before.

It is your responsibility
to notify the court

of anything you've seen
or heard,

that may impact on your ability

to be a fair
and impartial juror.

Moira, this sounds like what
happened to your family.

-This could be your out.
-Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

A man needs to be brought
to justice.

Yeah.

So we're back
to the generic brand.

-[door opens]
-[Roland] Well, gang,

just about time
for me to clock out.

I gotta tell you two,

this timesheet you have
is really complicated.

By the time I finished
filling it out,

I was already into overtime.

So do you guys have an overtime
sheet I can fill out?

Kinda busy in here, Roland.

Whoa. Stevie! Geez! Yowzer!

It's just a reaction
to David's moisturiser.

Well, boy, leave it to Stevie
to get a rash

from a moisturiser when
she's sitting right next
to poison oak.

-What poison oak?
-Excuse me?

Well, right here. It's, er...

-It's poison oak
in that vase there.
-What?

Where did you get those
flowers, Mr Rose?

Well, I talked to a few
florists, and then

I decided it was more authentic
and economical,

if I just went out back
and... picked some.

Er, correct me if I'm wrong
here, Johnny,

but I don't think poison oak
is that expensive.

I didn't know
it was poison oak!

-Mmm-hmm...
-Wait a second,

if you picked them, then how
come you don't have the rash?

Well, I was wearing
gardening gloves.

Okay, look, I'd love to stand
around and help you guys,

but I'm already sneaking
into double overtime here,

so I'm off.

So, someone's gonna have
to tell David before

he takes it all back.

No offence, Mr Rose,
but I'm pretty sure

that someone is not
going to be me.

Ma'am, can you assure my
client and the Court,

that you would, to the best
of your ability,

uphold the law if selected
for jury duty?

Affirmative. Mmm-hmm...

Do you have any life
experiences similar

to the facts of this case,

that might
affect your judgment?

Well, there was that summer
that Jimmy Smits

stole my heart on stage in
a workshop-only production

of An Officer and a Gentleman.

I suppose that might be called
emotional embezzlement?

-So your answer is no.
-To what?

Juror 75, you were asked if
you had any personal conflicts

that might affect your
judgments of this case.

I don't know these people.
I don't know these people.

The fact that my own world
was ripped out from under me,

by someone like this prick
of a prestidigitator?

I should think would help
the court in the quest

-to make a fair judgment.
-[crowd murmurs]

May I approach
the bench, please?

No, you may not.

The Court thanks and excuses
Prospective Juror 75.

[crowd murmurs]

Jocelyn, for the sake
of that woman,

you must push for
the maximum sentence!

-Your Honour!
-Hold on.

You two know each other?

Not really, we just got
to talking on the way in.

I... I wouldn't say
we were close.

All right, I'm dismissing
both Juror 75 and Juror 23.

Mother fucker.

This is the farthest
I've ever gone!

[rain patters]

It sounds like it's actually
raining harder.

So just take the day off,
like old time's sake.

I am a college graduate, Mutt.

Singles Week
is not community service,

it's actually
very important to me.

And I respect that.

So, will you be participating
in Singles Week?

Ugh. No, I'm trying to, like,

learn from my mistakes
before making any new ones.

Think it's funny,
you bringing people together,

-and, here we are,
still single.
-Hmm.

-Makes you wonder if it's us?
-[laughs]

-What is happening?
-I don't know,

I just thought we were here,
it's raining,

felt like nothing had changed.

Yeah, I can see how
you would make that leap,

but things have changed for me.

That's cool.

We did have
some fun in here, though.

Yeah, we did.

You were quite
the heartbreaker.

Yeah.

Not like, super proud
of that, but...

Erm, so when
you and Tallahassee
had your talk,

you said it was freeing.

Saying something you've kept
hidden, out loud?

Yeah, it was pretty freeing.

Though, in our case,
it was mostly swears

and we didn't talk for a week,
but it was worth it in the end.

Who knows where I'd be right
now if I just

didn't tell her
how I felt. Hmm.

Yeah.

I think I need to leave.

It's still raining!

Yeah, I know, I know,
there's, erm...

There's like something
I need to do.

But thank you for the talk,

and for finishing up cleaning,

because I'm obviously not gonna
help with that.

You're a good one, Mutt.

Okay, bye.

Okay, well, I don't know what
to tell you, Brenda, I'm rashy!

Rashy!

Yeah, the batch must be
contaminated or something,

it's like, some,
some cream-borne virus!

Yes, it's the cream.

My skin is normally fresh,
and dewy, and blemish-free.

Well, I've already sold
half the stock!

-[door opens]
-Okay, can you hold for a sec?

-[door closes]
-What now?

Oh, I'm just dropping by,
you know.

Oh, place looks great,
really, uh, really shaping up.

Yeah, I'm just on the phone
with the vendor

that sold us the infectious
moisturiser, so...

Well, does the vendor have
a sense of humour,

because this is a good one!
[chuckles]

Remember the conversation
we were having this morning

about, you know, the rash?

Well, it turns out it wasn't
the moisturiser,

it was poison oak.

[laughs]

Brenda, can I call you back?

You know, it seems
poison oak accidentally

found its way into the floral
arrangements at the motel.

How did that happen?

I don't know.

I don't know how it happened.
I think someone,

must've thought it
was a beautiful plant.

Mmm-hmm...
You did this, didn't you?

Well,

you, yourself must've thought
it was a pretty flower,

or you wouldn't have put
your whole face in it!

I'm sorry for touching
my nose to a flower!

I just went all Gordon Ramsay

on one of my
most important vendors!

I basically told her

her product was like
a jar of Ebola!

So, this is, er,
not a good time

to talk about future orders.

We will be cancelling
your account.

[David sighs]

Just be outgoing, be open,

and show them your best self.

And don't worry, I'll be
vetting everyone in advance.

[chuckles]

-Hi.
-Hi.

How long have you been
standing there?

Erm, long enough.

Yeah, I was just giving them
a little pup talk.

[Alexis chuckles]

Okay, Ted, I have
a few things to say,

and I need you just to listen.

Okay, er, is it about
the puppies though?

Just because they're kinda
fragile right now,

-so maybe we should go
in the other room.
-It's not about the puppies.

Oh, okay, good.

Okay. So as you know,

Singles Week has been taking up
a lot of my time,

because this could be, like,
a big step forward
in my career,

and generally speaking,

this is like a very cute
look for me.

-Okay.
-Okay, not finished yet.

The problem is,
I've been having

a hard time focusing on this
exciting career opportunity

because my mind
has been elsewhere.

Oh, I just assumed that's
how you always work.

Thank you, Ted,
but this is different.

I love you.

I'm in love with you.

And, I know I really don't have
any right to say that to you.

And also, I know you're
in a relationship, erm,

and I'm happy for you,
I really am,

I just feel like if I didn't
tell you how I felt,

I would literally go insane.

You're the sweetest man
I've ever known.

And... that's it.

Wow, I didn't...
I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything.

Erm, but maybe I could take
a puppy home for the night.

-You know
I can't let you do that.
-Yeah, no.

That's no problem.

Erm, I was just thinking
if there was like,

a particularly runty one,
like Cindy,

or like, no, no.
That's okay. [sighs]

Okay, well, this is going to be
a very successful event.

Like, really great.

Okay.

[dog whimpers]

[closing music playing]