All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S04E09.WEB-DL.NF.en

[dot matrix printer whirs]

[Johnny] And, there she is!

Hot off the presses!

Alexis Rose.

Why is there a line
through it?

Oh, toner must be low.

This certificate reminds me
of the one you were awarded

for getting your braces off.

Now that was a grand day.

Yes, except my orthodontist
had a slightly better printer.

I'm sorry, did David spend
four months earning a degree?

Alexis, we're equally proud
of you, dear.

Let's see what this says,
Alexis?

-Elmdale College, Alexis Rose,
majoring in Marketing and...
-[David gasps]

Looks like a bit of a typo.

-"Pubic relations."
-[Alexis] What?

-No.
-Oh, my God, give me that!

No, honey, obviously
it's a bit of a misprint.

-Is it though, do you think?
-[grunts]

David, do not diminish your
sister's accomplishments.

She didn't do anything
to your... [starts laughing]

I wanted to frame this!

-[Moira laughs]
-It looks good!

-[David laughs]
-Ugh!

[Moira laughs]

[theme music playing]

[dog barking]

So you're wearing
a leather sweater,

in the dead of summer.

-You look good.
-Thank you.

You look ready.

I am.

You know what
you're gonna say?

I'm gonna walk in,

and I am gonna tell him
that I am,

ready to get back together.

Well, that's what you said
you were gonna say to him

two days ago, and yet,
here we are.

Okay, I just wanted to make
sure that I was ready, ready.

You know,
for-for both of our sakes?

That's a nice bracelet.

Did you get that from Patrick?

I might have.

So you waiting a full week
to forgive him

has nothing to do with the fact
that he showered you

with gifts and attention
every day.

That is purely coincidental!

I was just working up
the strength,

to be able to put our
differences aside,

for the future of our
relationship.

Well, I know I lot of people
who are gonna be very excited

that you guys have worked
things out.

Well, that is very touching.

I'm glad that we have
everyone's support.

Yeah, I think it's that,

and I think it's the fact that

you've been a smidge needy
this past week?

Maybe needy's the wrong word.

Clingy?

I see. Well I'm glad
everyone's gonna be able

to sleep soundly tonight,

because I am going to do this.

Good luck.

[sighs] Thank you.

And I have missed him a lot.

And I am very excited to not,
not be with him any more.

I know.

You sure you don't wanna wait
another day, though?

I mean you never know what
could show up on your doorstep.

I don't like what
you're insinuating.

That said, if a package does
arrive, please keep it safe.

Hey, can I talk to you
for a sec?

Oh, always. Just not now.

Council is about to decide
which bid

will be awarded the first-ever

district-wide
Arts and Culture Grant.

I know. Which is why I wanted
to give you this.

And what, pray tell, might
this collection of words be?

As of today, feel free to
refer to me as Alexis Rose,

Founder and CEO of Alexis Rose
Communications.

Alexis, that's wonderful!

This is my first
business proposal.

I'm throwing my hat in the ring
for the Arts and Culture Grant.

Wow!
Now, don't get me wrong,

there is no High-Street beret

that I would rather
have thrown in my ring,

but I have a funny feeling

Council already
has its favourite.

Okay, well, I wish I knew
it was rigged

before I worked so hard on it.

Oh, very well, Alexis,
let's hear your elevator pitch.

But bear in mind, I have
to get off on the next floor.

Okay, it's a singles
night at the cafe.

And the goal is,

to get people from nearby
communities together,

for like romance and nibblies.

And hire some staff,
and dating experts,

and make a whole night of it.

Darling, I realize the
pickings are slim

in this rural spanandry,

but you can't ask Council
to misuse public funds

just so that you can find
yourself a new boy toy.

Excuse me, this has nothing
to do with the fact

that I'm single.

The singles market
is very lucrative.

Did you know, that there's
a small town in Ireland

that hosts a Singles Week
every year,

and it's become so popular,

that they're able to subsidize
their entirely yearly budget,

just on profits?

It's a valiant first effort,
Alexis, it is.

But, darling, do keep
those wheels turning!

As the Irish like to say,

it's a cinch to mash
the Murphy where there's love.

[door opens and closes]

[scoffs]

Morning.

Uh-oh, looks like something
showed up for you this morning.

Okay? Who's it from?

Well, there might be a hint
in the card.

"Congratulations,
Employee of the Month"?

Since when has this been
a thing?

Well, this is the
second month.

I won it last month,
took myself out for lunch.

I'm kidding. It's a little
incentive for a job well done.

Oh, I mean,
wouldn't wanna be ungrateful.

This seems like...

Some makeup?

It's like a briefcase
full of makeup.

Yeah, only the best.

And you thought of this
for me because?

Because you deserve it.

I see.

Well, I'm gonna save
this for a special occasion.

No, no, no,
it's for everyday use.

It's what the woman
in the store told me.

Thanks.

Stevie?

Aren't you forgetting
something?

I just...

Just don't know
how to thank you.

Oh, that smile on your face
is all I need.

[jazz music playing in store]

[bell jingles]

Hi.

Hi.

[sighs]

So, after some time alone,

I just wanted to come here,

and tell you, that I--

David, I need to apologize
to you.

I was going to sleep last night
and I realized

I have not been respectful
of your space.

All of the texts,
and the gifts.

I was upset,
and it was reactionary,

and I thought I was doing
the right thing,

but really all I was doing
was smothering you,

when you had asked for space,
and that's not right.

Okay, well,
smothering's a bit intense.

It was self-serving,
and it was desperate,

and, and I'm...
I'm embarrassed.

Okay, there's no need
to feel embarrassed.

Well, I am. I've just been
trying to deal with everything

here at the store,
and I think you're right.

It's probably better if we
just focus on the business,

and not try
to push anything.

I'm not sure I said that.

You didn't have to.

In fact,
by saying nothing at all,

you... You spoke volumes.

Okay, so you would like
to focus on the store, then?

I think that's probably
a good idea.

But, hey, it's good to have
you back.

Oh.

Okay. Mmm-hmm.

So...

[Roland] Well, I'm gonna go
ahead and file

Ray's Ham and Clam Bake
in the t'won't happen pile.

After a glut of unasinous
ideas put forth today,

the room is suddenly
bombilating with anticipation.

Can we feel that?

It's almost as though
we're building towards

some sort of inevitable climax.

All right, well,
we have one here

called Untitled
Moira Rose Project.

I'd like us all to close
our eyes,

and picture 300 to 500 acres

of carefully-manicured lawn.

Accessorised with sculptures
from some of the world's

most-significant cultural
contributors.

On your left, a whimsical
gestalt by David von Schlegell.

On your right, a playful
abstract by Isamu Noguchi.

Dead ahead, your senses
have just been affronted

by a Magdalena Abakanowicz.

Now, imagine an even more
splendacious art park,

in your very own backyard!

Council, I humbly
present Rosewood.

Er...

You know, I gotta say,

you're not gonna find a bigger
Noguchi-head than me,

but I think I speak for
everyone here when I say,

good luck on getting your mitts
on a von Schlegell!

[laughs]

[coughs]
Am I right, guys?

I think we need
to be more realistic

about what we can pull off.

And who's to say
what we can pull off?

I recently heard of a small
town in Scotland,

no bigger than a thimble,

that is making millions
from a week-long singles fest.

Now, if an idea as simple
as that can work

for a people as infamously
disorganized as the Scotch,

surely we can aspire to
something of equal scale.

Now there's an idea.

Thank you! Ronnie's on board
with Rosewood.

No, I'm not!
I like the singles fest.

No, no, that was merely
an example

of how Rosewood would similarly
put us on the map.

Moira, let's stuff Rosewood
in a drawer for right now.

I like this singles idea.

No.

Single people is what
this town needs!

Loose wallets,
loose inhibitions,

everything's just really loose.

I vote for Singles Week.

All in favour
of Singles Week?

Aye!

-Okay.
-[bangs gavel]

-[printer whirring]
-[door opens]

[slams door]

By all means, feel free
to use the printer

-whenever you like.
-Thank you.

Just receipt for business
cards that I ordered.

And a few pages of temporary
letterhead.

And a list of Buzzfeed's
most motivational quotes

for girl bosses under 30.

I'm gonna do something
uncharacteristic,

and ask your advice.

Is there something off
about the way that I look?

Did someone mention
the posture thing?

-What?
-What is the utility shirts?

No.

No, okay, um, well you should
probably just go ahead

and tell me what you meant
then.

Yeah.

So your Dad got me
a suitcase of makeup.

No, no.

Mmm.

And he suggested that
I wear it every day.

So, I'm having a really
hard time

not taking that personally.

Here's the thing you should
know about my Dad,

sweetest little guy,
gives the worst gifts.

Okay, well that makes me
feel a little better.

Like he built David
a basketball court

for his Bar Mitzvah.

Oh, boy, okay.

And unfortunately, the only way
to like, train it out of him,

is to show him just
how wrong the gift is.

Like, David forced us
to watch him shoot at a basket

for 10 minutes,
until the ball hit the rim,

and then bounced back
in his face.

But it actually worked out
perfectly,

because all David really wanted
for his Bar Mitzvah,

was a nose job.

They took the court down
the next day.

Huh.

Oh, and also, he gave me
a diamond tennis bracelet

for my Sweet 16.

-That's bad.
-I know.

[jazz music plays]

[sighs]

You know what, I'm probably
good to finish this up,

-Okay.
-...if you wanna go for lunch.

-What?
-I don't know, you tell me.

I just did. I'm happy to
finish doing the creams,

I... I don't think
it's a two-person job.

Okay, so you're just gonna
stay here

and not have lunch then,
or are we going in shifts?

I don't know, David,

I'm just trying to be
professional here, okay?

Think this is gonna take
a minute to get used to.

I don't want to get used
to this!

I don't wanna pretend
like we're co-workers.

We are co-workers.

Okay, I just liked it better
when we were more than that.

David, I'm just trying to go
off of what you wanted.

You wouldn't let me finish
telling you what I wanted!

I was ready to get back
together days ago!

-What?
-Yes.

Then why didn't we?

I've never been in this
situation before.

Where someone's been
so nice... to me.

And generous.

I'm sorry, were you holding
back on talking to me

because you were getting gifts?

I was very upset, and confused.

So upset, that I barely
finished the chocolates.

David, this wasn't meant
to be some

Advent calendar of apologies,

it was like an olive branch
to get you to talk to me.

I just, I guess, didn't know,

how many olive branches you
were planning on extending.

-Ideally, one!
-Okay, well, now I know.

Yeah, and now I know, that
while I was torturing myself,

you were sitting at home,
just opening gifts.

-I see you like the bracelet.
-Love the bracelet, thank you.

Does this mean that
we are back?

You know what,
I feel like now

maybe I deserve an olive
branch, or two?

Okay, I understand that.

What if I gave you back some
of the olive branches

that you gave to me?

I was lying about the
chocolates, I ate them all.

But I'm sure there are some
flowers that are still alive.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna go to lunch,
and you're gonna sit here,

and think about
what you've done. Okay?

Okay.

Um, while you're at lunch,
can you get me some lunch?

Unbelievable.

[Johnny] Stevie?

Where's my Employee
of the Month?

What's up?

Wow! Look at you!

Yeah, used some of that
makeup you gave me.

-Oh, is that what it is?
-Mmm-hmm.

I thought it was the shoes.

You know, something about
this feels really right.

-Mmm.
-I can't believe that I didn't
think to buy

all this for myself!

So, I'm happy to man the desk
for you this afternoon,

if you've got stuff to do.

Oh, no, no, I...
I can keep
working here.

No, Mr Rose, I insist.

I feel like I'm long overdue
for some quality,

like, face time
with the guests.

Oh, okay, well,
if that's what you feel.

You know what the great thing
about this is?

Right after work,
I can do go a quick shift

over at Bazonga's
Gentleman's Lounge.

All right,
I'm getting the hint.

Hint? What hint?

Look, Stevie, I'm not
necessarily known

for my gift-giving skills,

but Arlene down
at the store said

this is what all the young
locals are buying, and I...

No, I really
appreciate the gift,

but let's just agree
that going forward,

we don't need gifts to express
our mutual appreciation.

Understood.

Well, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna step outside.

I'm getting flashbacks of David
attempting a three-pointer.

[door opens]

[Moira] Alexis?

Oh, there you are!

What a delightful
little home office

you've created for yourself.

Thank you.

Succulents, and all!

You might be interested
to know

that Council has made
a decision.

So they chose your idea, then?

I wouldn't let them have it.

Not until they accepted
my demand,

which was to employ the
services of the CEO

and Founder of Alexis Rose,
whatever you called it,

as part of my advisory team.

-What?
-Mmm-hmm.

Really?

Okay, I'm shocked. Thank you!

No, Alexis, thank you!

Okay, so what's the project?

Well we landed on a
one-of-a-kind event

to celebrate
and congregate

those who happen to be
unattached,

in the hopes of facilitating
interpersonal connections.

Sorry, so like,
a singles event, then?

That word is now
considered derogatory.

I believe they prefer
to be called independents.

So you stole my idea,
took it to Council,

and claimed it as your own?

Alexis, now is not the time
for pettifogging!

Singles Week just happened
to be the idea

that received
a lot of traction.

Singles Week?

I was pitching a Singles Night.

No. No, no, no,

you specifically referenced
a small shire in Scotland--

Ireland!

That had a very lucrative
week-long singles event.

No, that is where I got
the idea for singles night.

I was proposing like, a
matchmaking event at the cafe.

Well then, I took your little
germ of an idea,

and I fertilized it
to fruition.

Okay, okay, I literally
started my company today.

Do you know how much work
this is gonna be?

Okay, we will be Co-Chairs,

and I will be charging Council
my full fee.

Starting to get keyed up
about this prospect

of a mother-daughter
power team.

Modern day Judy and Lorna.

I don't know who that is.

Oh, my God.

[crickets chirping]

[lock clicks]

Okay, David,
well, I'm gonna go to dinner,

and if you wanted to join me,
and pay for it,

that could be a start.

Yeah, maybe I could do that.

I just think I have
something to do first, so...

What is this?

Consider this my olive branch.

[Tina Turner's
Simply the Best plays]

♪ I call you when I need you,
My heart's on fire♪

♪ You come to me
Come to me wild and wired♪

♪ Oh, you come to me♪

♪ Give me everything I need♪

♪ Give me a lifetime
Of promises♪

♪ And a world of dreams♪

♪ You speak the language
Of love♪

♪ Like you know what it means♪

♪ Mmm, and it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Take my heart
And make it strong, baby♪

You know people
can see you, right?

♪ You're simply the best♪

♪ Better than all the rest♪

♪ Better than anyone♪

♪ Anyone I ever met♪

♪ Ooh I'm stuck on your heart♪

♪ Hang on every word you say♪

♪ Oh, tear us apart,
No, no, no♪

♪ Baby I would rather be dead♪

♪ Each time you leave me
I start losing control ♪

♪ You're walking away
With my heart and my soul♪

♪ I can feel you even
When I'm alone♪

♪ Oh, baby, don't let go♪

[music continues]