All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S04E04.WEB-DL.NF.en

David?
My nails aren't dry yet.

Alexis, I stumbled upon Ted
in the cafe this morning,

he sends his regards.

[spray spritzes]

That's nice.
Um, what did he say?

Nothing, we merely exchanged
familial smiles.

He seemed quite taken
with an older woman,

so I thought best not
to intrude.

Love that for him.

I mean, that could've been
anyone though, right,

like a mother,
or a close friend?

They were canoodling in
the banquette for all to see,

so I'd be rather concerned if
that were his mother, David.

Okay.
Um, in other news,

I recently discovered that
I'm allergic to pitted fruits.

-Canoodling?
-Oh.

Um... did she have,
like, a braid
in her hair?

No, no braid.
Uh, looked more like thick,

healthy hair woven
together loosely.

I can't believe he's still
dating Heather.

I know, it's crazy.

I believe that was
her name, Heather.

Okay, do we have somewhere
to be?

Alexis, he doesn't still hold
any interest for you?

No, it's not as if you've been
spending all your time

holed up in your room, alone.

Yeah, no, I'm just, like,
taking time for me.

-Mmm-hmm.
-Good!

That's the most important
relationship of all.

Don't you give another thought
to Ted

and his striking older lover.

Okay, I am going for a jog.

Okay, um, but you're
in, like, a day dress.

-Mmm-hmm, I am.
-[door shuts]

Okay, I have never heard
someone say

so many wrong things,
one after the other,

consecutively, in a row.

David! How was I to know that
Ted would be such a trigger,

all these years later?

A year later, and she is, like,
right back in it.

So you might wanna pay
a little more attention

to your daughter's life,
if only to alleviate

the weight of me having
to deal with it every day.

Oh.

I... I did call that other
woman charming, didn't I?

Striking, I believe
was the word

you used to describe Ted's new
girlfriend, who isn't Alexis.

Well to my credit, she was.

[theme music playing]

[crickets chirp]

Roland, you're here... early.

I've decided it's time
I become a team player.

Well, that's good!
And as coach of the team,

I'm gonna ask you to take
your feet off my desk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, Johnny,

I love all this
water cooler talk,

but let's get down to business.

I was lookin' around this
place, and boom, it hit me!

There's a lot of wasted space
in here.

I mean this should be an area
for guests to come

and mix and mingle.

Well, I don't think I like
the thought of guests

mingling in my office.

That's what
their rooms are for.

Ah, but, do the rooms
have a...

[grunts]

[grunting]

[pants]

Beer fridge?

Where did this come from?

I brought it over
this morning.

Joce wanted a little extra
space for the new baby,

and I thought why not help out
a buddy in the process?

And how's this helping me?

Well, you can sell beers
to the guests, Johnny,

unless of course you're
trying not to make money,

which would explain a couple
of things here.

Well of course I'm tryin'
to make money.

Johnny, if it makes any
difference to you,

I've already sold 2 beers
to a fellow staff member.

Would that staff member
be you?

Yes, it would.
I'm gonna have 'em after lunch.

Now the big question is
where to put the TV?

-What TV?
-Well, Johnny,

you can't expect guests to sit
around with their beers

staring at you.
[laughs]

Oh God...
you knock me out, kid.

Okay, you know what, your job
here is not CEO, Roland,

you were hired to do some
work around the motel.

So I'm gonna say no to the TV.

Okay, Johnny, I hear ya loud
and clear. Geez.

[can opens]

Off to work.

[door opens and shuts]

[Patrick] I cursed those bears
with the little strength

-that I could muster up.
-[Stevie laughs]

Hi!

We're all just hanging out
before work?

Was there a text chain
that I wasn't on, or...

Well, it's not exactly
before work

the store opened about
25 minutes ago, so.

But yes, there is a chain,
and no, you're not on it.

You're kind. I noticed
we moved the lip balms.

Yeah, because we got these
new breath mints in

and I wanted to give 'em
a fighting chance

by putting 'em up near
the cash.

-Huh.
-Uh-oh.

What, is something wrong?

No, they're just new mints
that haven't been sampled yet,

so for all we know,
they could be poison,

and we're moving the lip balms,
best sellers,

all the way
to the corner here.

Okay, well I don't think that
the mints are poison.

They're very delicious.

Point is, these are a staple
of the store.

They're at the cash,
people come to the cash

-expecting the lip balm.
-Mmm-hmm.

I just wish they had been
consulted before
they were moved.

David you move things without
consulting me all the time.

-Like the brooms!
-Okay, well they were fugly
brooms with big red handles.

They didn't match our sand
and stone colour palette.

Well, this is clearly
a high-stakes situation,

so maybe you wanna close the
store down and figure it out.

You know, David, one of the
fundamental pillars

of any successful
business person
is their ability to compromise.

Hmm, I have to agree
with Patrick on this one.

I don't think there's
anything you have to do,

and I compromise all the time.

[both laughing]

-What?
-Nothing, I just um,

just remembering all those
times that you compromised.

[laughs] I was just thinking
about the same things,

because there, there's
so many to flip through.

Okay, last week, I let you
pick the movie we watched.

You made me pick between
two Sandra Bullock vehicles.

And you picked
"The Lake House",

-which was the correct choice.
-Just so that you know,

making someone choose between
two things that you like,

is not exactly a compromise.

I am fine with compromise.

It's just this situation
that's bothering me.

So why don't we just put
everything back exactly
as it was and start again?

So in that case,
I know that you were planning
to go pick up

the tote bags later this
afternoon,

even though I'd asked you do
to that 2 days ago,

so maybe in the interest
of compromise,

you could go
and do that... now?

Fine.

Stevie, would you care
to join me?

-No.
-Fair enough.

So you guys are just gonna
stay behind

and talk about me
after I've left.

You know, swap stories
about how I don't compromise.

-Yeah, pretty much.
-Mmm-hmm.

-[Twyla] Here's your tea,
Mrs Rose.
-Thank you, Twyla.

So, it looks like I will
be seeing you tonight.

Why would that happen?

Well, Alexis came by
this morning

and was really adamant
that we go out tonight.

Apparently I've been taking
too much time for myself,

and I need to get back out
there and meet people.

Is that so?

Yeah, I actually had
plans tonight,

but Alexis said it would be
best if I just cancelled them.

She's gonna help me get ready
at the motel,

and then we're gonna go
to the bar together.

Always the little
philanthrope.

Though it's possible
this outing
might serve you both well.

I'm sure you're not aware
of this but,

our Alexis is unfortunately
suffering a bit of a dry spell.

Exacerbated by this situation
with the former lover, Ted,

and his
new girlfriend, Harriet?

-You mean Heather?
-I believe it's Heather.

Yeah, um, Ted and Heather
have been together for...

Hmm, a while now.

They started dating when Alexis
was still working
at the vet's office.

She says it doesn't bother her,
but sometimes I wonder.

Always the closed book,
our Alexis. Bless her soul.

I've always found her to be
pretty open about things.

A closed book that falls open

the second you take it off
the shelf.

That's enough gossip
for today, Twyla.

No, I'm not comfortable
discussing the intimate details

of Alexis' private life,
with her not present.

Oh, I wasn't gossiping,

it was just that you brought
it up.

So I just wanted to clarify
that it was--

Gossip is the devil's
telephone.

Best to just hang up.

[indistinct chattering on TV]

[man on TV]
Uh, Donald seems to think
that you said--

What's going on?

[Roland sighs]

Well, Erin Brockovich
has just started her job
at the law firm,

and she's not getting
the respect she deserves,

-because of the way
she dresses.
-Not the movie!

This!

Oh, well I'm just showing

a couple of our guests
the set up.

Turns out, Carmine, here,
is a big Albert Finney fan.

Roland, can I have a word?

Keep it on pause, boys.
[sighs]

Yeah, okay,
I know what you're gonna say.

Better than expected, huh?

I specifically said no TV.

Johnny, I thought
you were joking.

Why would you think
I was joking?

I dunno, maybe it's your
dry wit, you know,

that never quite hits
the target.

You're gonna have to say
goodbye to Carmine
and his friend.

It's his brother, Brian.

Although they could be friends
too, I don't know,

they could be brothers
and friends.

Guys, how would you describe
your relationship?

-Roland?
-Friendly?

You're supposed to be weeding
the back lawn today!

Okay, but for the sake
of customer service,

try to chill out, my man.

-I will chill out when
the back lawn gets weeded!
-Oh fine.

Fellas, finish it
without me, sorry.

[indistinct chatter on TV]

[woman on TV] I trusted you.

[man on TV] Sorry about that,
I really am.

[Erin] I don't need pity,
I need a paycheque.

And I've looked, but when
you spent the past 6 years

raising babies,
it's really hard--

Has she broken up
with the boyfriend yet?

[woman on TV]
A re you gettin' every
word of this down, honey?

Or am I talkin' too fast
for you?

[soft jazz music plays]

-[bell dings]
-Hi.

Hi.

Notice some of our more
discreet backroom items

are now on display
at the front of the store.

That would have nothing
to do with the conversation

we just had before I left,
would it?

Oh, well people have been
asking for plungers,

and uh, you insist on keeping
them hidden away

in the back room because
you find them offensive.

-Hmm.
-So, uh,

I thought given the demand
for some more basic items,

this could be a good
opportunity for you to...

Make a compromise.

Okay, I mean
if assaulting customers

with the sight
of a toilet plunger

the minute they walk
in the door

is something that you
consider to be

an effective business strategy,

then that is a compromise
that I am willing to make.

Are you sure?

-Look at his face.
-Look at your face.

Yes, yes.

Okay, great.
Well, then obviously you'll
have no problem

if I get the toilet brushes
out here, too.

Is something wrong, David?

No.

[crickets chirp]

You do this every night
you go out?

I do this every night.

Well, look at the two of you.

Oh you remind me of my days
at the old Mudd Club

on the Lower East Side.

I remember one regrettably
early morning

-with Johnny Thunders.
-Okay, can we help you
with something?

Oh, I'm sorry, can't a mother
show a little interest

in her only daughter's
social calendar?

[sighs]
So, what establishmment are
we going to grace tonight?

It's just a bar
on the outside of town.

And how are we getting around?

They don't allow you
to drink and drive anymore.

We will be taking a cab.

No you won't!
I will drive you!

Oh dear, I have the night
to myself,
and I would like nothing better

than to find a new man
for Twyla.

I see before me, a beautiful
young woman in her prime,

who deserves every happiness.

Mrs Rose, that's the nicest
thing anyone's ever said to me.

And I mean every word of it.

So I think you girls should
allow me to play chauffeur

for the evening. It'll be
the black car out front.

Okay, I know what our car
looks like, but thank you.

[motorcycle engine revs]

[muffled music and chatter]

Oh.

Before you go in,

a bit of advice from someone
who's been around.

Okay, pretty sure we didn't
ask you, but sure.

If, and when, you meet
someone who catches your eye,

hold his gaze.

Then walk up behind him,

trace a single finger
down his back.

And if he follows you into
a dark corner of the bar,

it's meant to be.

Hmm, that sounds super
embarrassing.

It was my go-to move many
years ago,
and it always paid off.

And do you know
who my last target was?

-Who was it?
-Ooh.

John Cougar...

-[Alexis] No.
-Mellencamp.

-[laughs]
-But guess who drove me home
that night?

-Mr Rose.
-Yes, you're right.

And that car ride was better

than any dark corner dalliance
with JCM.

Ew.

Sometimes in life and in love
risks must be taken.

One never knows
what may happen.

Okay? Shall I wait here
for you both?

Um, we're not in high school,
so I think we're good,

-but thank you.
-Okay.

Thanks for the ride,
Mrs Rose.

[Alexis grunts]
Okay, thanks!

Alexis! You're wrinkled
in the back.

-Ooh? What?
-Confidence, girls!

[Roland shouts and laughs]

[crickets chirp]

[door opens and shuts]

Roland!

Take 'em off!

You're taking off? All right,
have a good night, Johnny.

What're you still doing here?

Well, I'm just kicking back a
little bit. It was a busy day.

Roland! You have a pregnant
wife at home,

it's 9:00 at night, you're here
playing video games?

What are you, hiding out?

No, I'm not hiding out, Johnny.

-[door opens]
-Good evening, gentlemen.

-Jocelyn.
-Roland, I brought you ribs
for dinner.

Oh thank you, honey.

So, he seems to be making
himself comfortable here.

Yes, a little...
Little too comfortable.

Jocelyn, I don't wanna start
anything here,

but Roland did finish work
a few hours ago,

and I was telling him that
he should be...
Heading home?

Here's the thing.

I have just remembered
how attentive Roland gets

when I am pregnant.
He is very hands on,
very concerned,

and he is just always... there.

So we were thinking that it
might better, for me,

if we could just kind of extend
his work day, you know,

to allow for some more
alone time.

For me.

Okay. I understand.

Oh! [laughs]

Wow! I just upgraded my wand!

Two more levels and I'll have
enough opals to buy the harp.

Way to go, honey!

Alone time, Johnny.
I just need some alone time.

[muffled music playing]

So, I don't think I'm gonna
need a ride home tonight.

Oh my God, that's so great!

Because I think I'm going
home with a guy.

No, yeah, I pieced
that together.

He plays soccer,
and he works at the quarry,

and we both have the same
second favourite colour.

-So important.
-Your mom's trick
totally worked.

I ran my finger down the backs
of three different guys,

and one of them turned around.

It's a total numbers game.
You're gonna be okay?

Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Of course.

I'm just so glad I took
a risk.

Speaking of which...

The guy over there,
he's been staring at you
all night.

[muffled music plays]

[door creaking]

[clears throat]

-[Ted] Hello?
-Hey.

-Hello?
-Hey, can you hear me?

Just joking,
you've got Ted's voicemail.

Don't you hate it when people
do that?

Me too, and yet I just did it.

Anyway, leave a message and
I'll call you back.
[beeps]

[muffled music plays]

[Patrick] You know,
I have to say,

if we hadn't put these babies
out there,

there's a strong possibility
we wouldn't have sold two
of 'em today.

And a brush.

But at what cost? You know?

-And the mark-up on the
plungers is actually very good.
-Hmm.

Makes me think that we should
be taking more products

from the back and actually
putting them out here.

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, no, no, no, no, no.

No! no!

Fine, I'm terrible at
compromise! There, I said it.

Like Beyonce,
I excel as a solo artist,

and I was also dressed by my
mother well into my teens,

-okay?
-Let it out David, let it out.

I'm sorry that I just know
what looks correct.

And this situation
is not correct!

Toilet plungers on display
at the front of a store,

is incorrect!

Breath mints
where the lipbalms should be.

-Not corect!
-Not correct.

These mountaineering shoes
that my boyfriend is wearing,

looking like Oprah on a
Thanksgiving Day hike,

incorrect.

I'm sorry,
what did you just say?

I said the breath mints
need to move.

I think it was something
about your boyfriend's shoes?

Um... I don't remember
saying that.

Yeah, no,
that's what I heard.

Well hey, my boyfriend
doesn't like the shoes,

I could, I could take
the shoes off.

I mean, or not.
I don't remember saying it.

So, you can do whatever
you'd like.

I think my work here is done.

And what work is that, exactly?

[Patrick chuckles]

[door opens, bell jingles]

My boyfriend doesn't
like the shoes,

-so I'm gonna
take the shoes off.
-Okay, before you do that,

I just wanna let you know that
sock feet in a public place

is also incorrect.

We do what we have to do.

[muffled music plays]

[Moira gasps]

Hello, you!

Hey. You were in the bar?
How did I not see you?

I... I wanted to wait for you,
but I got bored in the car.

Bored, so I found a lovely
little speakeasy

at the back of the club.

Where's Twyla?

Oh, she used your little...
Finger trick.

Oh! So I guess we won't
be waiting for her!

-Guess we won't.
-No.

Are you goin' back in?

No. There's no one in there
for me.

Okay.

Well, I...

I didn't want to say this
in front of Twyla but...

there was a reason I drew
Mr Cougar Mellencamp

into that dark corner of the
bar instead of your father.

I don't need to know
how this story ends, so...

Your father was with someone
at the time.

But I knew there was something
between us. I just knew it.

Whatever it was,
it was worth waiting for.

Well, that's very cute
for you,

but I don't know what
that has to do with me.

It took a year.

-A year?
-But if it's meant to be,
they'll come around!

[laughs] Mmm-hmm.

-Should we call it a night?
-Yes.

[Moira] I think so, too.

-I'm driving?
-That's a good idea!

[closing music playing]