All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S03E08.WEB-DL.NF.en

Listen, I've got to
step out for a bit.

I told Stevie
if she needed any help--

Well, where are you off to?

To pick up
the motel coasters.

Oh, you were serious.

Yeah, custom coasters
are a very effective
marketing tool.

Says who? The guy who
invented custom beer cosies?

-Coasters work.
-Yes, the last thing
we want to do

is stain these exquisite
table tops.

Moira, you're
having a drink.

You glance down
at your coaster.

It says,
"Tweet us on Facebook,"
or, uh, "Leave us a review."

And you say, "Yeah, yeah.
Okay, I think I will."

Is that what it says?

Yes, David,
that's what it says.

You're not the only one
with an online presence.

No, no.

Well, aren't you
Mr Futuristic?

Listen, we had samples made.

Take a look.

-There's no address on this.
-Oh, wow!

Aren't we stuck
in the Dark Ages?

Huh? Let me break it down
for you, Junior.

If they're at the motel
using the coasters,

they don't need to know
where the motel is.

Um, I was referring
to a Web address

-or a Twitter handle.
-Oh.

Hmm. That might be something
you'd wanna put on there.

Or a Facebook page.

All right, let me write
this down.

Or a hashtag.

A hashtag?
Is that two words?

No, it's not.

Hi, sorry to bother you.

I'm afraid Mr Rose
has just stepped out.

He's gone to get coasters.

Yeah, wait. He said that

you might be available
to help.

Did he?

It's just that we have, um,

a bunch of guests
checking in,

and I could really
use some help.

-Now.
-Now?

Well, then, I am here
for you, Stevie.

Uh, let's see.

Something in a supervisory
capacity, perhaps?

Then you can work
the front desk.

Ooh, receptionist work
is not my strong suit.

That's more
Alexis' bailiwick.

The other option is
changing the sheets

and mattress covers.

Then I shall keep watch
over this front desk.

[Jocelyn] Okay, I'll see you
after lunch.

Alexis, do you mind sticking
around for a minute?

Okay.

[Alexis clears throat]

I'm assuming that you know
why I wanna talk
to you today?

Is it because
I was texting in class?

Uh, no.

I wanna talk
about your paper.

There are parts of this

that sound like
they've been written
by someone else.

-Oh, my God, thank you!
-No, no, no.

I'm saying that I think
it's plagiarized.

Are you sure that you wrote
this yourself?

Trust me, if I could've
gotten someone else

to write this, I would've.

I definitely wrote this.

Okay, there are just
parts of this

that make me think
that's not true.

For example,

"We should begin
by scrutinizing

the duplicitousness
of such businesses,

whose practices,
or lack thereof,

can only be described
as untoward."

"Duplicitousness"?
I can barely say that.

And "untoward"?

Okay, yeah, no,
I did not write this.
Can I see?

Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.

Can you just look?
Can... Eyes, eyes.

Hi. You're gonna write
a new paper,

and I am gonna grade
that one instead.

Otherwise, it's a fail.

Okay, like, I didn't even
choose this font.

It's horrible.

Okay, look at her.

But don't really look
at her. Look at me.

Look at her, and look at me.

Oh, that's good.
That's good. Closer.
Closer.

Yeah, we had an appointment
this morning.

Okay, here we go.
One, two...

Oh, that was good.

Uh, remind me, are you here
for a photo series,

or travel planning,
or our newest service,

closet organisation?

Um, I'm here to file
my incorporation papers
for my business.

Oh, that's right. Patrick?

B13.

Uh, this is for you.

-Patrick.
-David.

David Rose, you bought
the general store.

Leased. Leased
the general store, yeah.

-That's a big deal.
-Is it?

Yeah, it's pretty big.
Yeah, you wanna have a seat?

[Ray] Your parents tell me
you're very sporty,

so, Will, why don't you grab
a paddle,

and, Theresa,
a badminton racket?

So, why don't we start with
the name of the business?

Oh, um, I'm oscillating

between two names
at the moment,

so if we could just leave
that one blank,

-that would be great.
-Sure, sure.

Give you more time
to oscillate.

Um, business address?

Okay, so I'm working
on that.

Um, I'm currently staying
in a motel,

and I think it might be
confusing if I gave you

the address
to another business.

[stammers] Yeah, for sure.

We'll leave that
blank as well.

Battin' a thousand here,
David.

-I don't know
what that means.
-[laughs]

Hey, here's an easy one.

A brief description
of the business.

Um, well, it's, um...
It's a general store,

but it's also a very
specific store.

-Huh.
-And it's also not
just a store.

It's, like, a place where
people can come
and get coffee,

um, or drinks,
but it's not a coffee shop,

nor is it a bar.

Okay, so we're pretty clear
on what it's not.

Yeah, it's an environment.
Um...

And, yes, we will be
selling things,

but it's more like...

More like a branded
immersive experience.

Right, I love the buzzwords,
David,

but I do need to put
something down here.

Okay, you couldn't use
anything I just said?

I'll tell you what.
Why don't you take these
home with you,

and just fill them out
when you have

a clearer idea
of what you want to do
with your business?

Okay, um...

I do have a clear idea.

Oh! You've settled
on a name, then?

Um, you're either
very impatient

or extremely sure
of yourself.

I threw you a bit
of a change-up there, huh?

Yeah, again, I don't know
what that means.

-I don't play cricket.
-[laughs]

Look, take this.
It's my card,

and I feel like you
will need it.

Uh, you know what?
I think I'm good.

Um, so thank you for this.

It's nice
to meet you, David.

Yeah.

[Ray] Okay, Theresa,
remember to breathe.

[door opens and closes]

I'd like
to check in, please.

Oh, my God,
where did you come from?

I said hello twice.

Well, hello, hello, then.

Here you go, room three.

Uh, don't you need
my credit card?

My associates will deal
with all that
when you depart.

Also, how many beds
are in the room?

Two.

Would it be possible
to get a cot,

or a rollaway bed
put in the room?

Oh, you're
expecting company?

No, I use it to lay out
my clothes.

The chest of drawers
should suffice, no?

I like to see all my clothes
at once.

Might the other bed not do?

Yes.

Except I haven't decided
which bed to sleep in,
so that's tricky.

Really, the cot
would be best.

-A cot it is, then.
-Thank you.

Oh, and are the pillows
feather or foam?

-Yes.
-Sorry, which one?

-I don't care.
-I'm sorry?

I don't know.

I'm not entirely versed
on the contents

of the motel's
pillow collection.

I was just asking.

And I'm very much
looking forward

to the moment
when that stops.

-Well--
-Enjoy your stay.

Oh, hi, honey.
How was school?

Um, not great.

Jocelyn failed
my economics paper.

What?

You worked so hard on that.

Yeah, which is why
it was super upsetting

when she said
it wasn't good.

She what?

Yeah, she said it was bad.

No, sorry, um...

"Poorly written,
and under-researched."

Well, that's just not true.

Well, you have to go back
and tell Jocelyn

that information was founded

on practical experience
in the field.

It should've been founded
on my research.

Oh, well, yes, I'm sure...

Well, your research
was all over it.

Dad, what did you do
to my paper?

I didn't do anything.

I didn't do anything
with your paper.

Your laptop was open.

I did a little editing.
Nothing major.

I've been accused
of plagiarism!

-What?
-Yeah!

Jocelyn thought I cheated
because someone
used words like "duplexity"

and "backtowards."

-"Untoward."
-Whatever!

And now I have to do
the whole thing again

when my original paper
was totally fine.

Well, it wasn't totally
fine, honey.

There was
questionable grammar

and a few spelling mistakes,
and I mean--

-Dad!
-All right, I'll back off.

Thank you!

Just out of curiosity,

did she happen to say
anything about that quote

from Lee Iacocca?

[whispering] That's for you.

-Those are the clean sheets.
-No, I know.

Um, so I went to incorporate
earlier today,

and some guy
basically told me

that my business
was a failure.

-What?
-Yeah!

Who told you that?

Some guy who's working
at Ray's.

Some guy who's working
at Ray's

told you your business
was a failure?

Basically, yeah.

Oh, well, what did he say?

Uh, he told me to come
back to him

once I had a clearer idea
of what my business was.

And then he told you
it was a failure?

Well, no, not like...
Not exactly.

I'm sorry. I'm just trying
to figure out

when he called
your business a failure.

Okay, maybe he didn't call
my business a failure,

but it was insinuated.

Okay.

So you know that I think
your business is
a good idea,

and you know
that I mean that

because I'm incapable
of faking sincerity.

I'm also just incapable
of sincerity in general.

Okay, you know what?
I'm going through it
right now,

and I actually think that
I might've been the one

that insinuated that
my business was a failure.

Wait. You blew something
out of proportion?

No, what if he's right?

I am sitting on a big,
empty space,

and I couldn't even tell him
what I wanted to do with it.

-You're freaking out.
-Uh...

Because you know what you
wanna do with your business.

You have walked me through
it one too many times.

So he was probably
just trying to help.

No, no,
he was very snippy.

Okay, um...

I found this under
the bed in room two,

so do you wanna
take a break?

That's disgusting!

Uh, and yes. Yeah.

[exhales]

Hi, David, it's Patrick.

I, um, was just calling
to run my business plan,

uh, by you in a little
more detail.

So feel free to give me
a call back,

and I will be happy
to walk you through it.

Okay, ciao.

"Ciao!" I said "ciao"
to that person.

Hi, Patrick.

Yeah, I think I...
I think I called you David,

which... That's not...
That's not your name.

You can just delete
that text...

The voicemail
that I left you.

Um, just thought
it might be a good idea

to give you some background
information about

[stammers] the store.

It's basically
a general store,

um, that will support
local artists

under the brand
of the store,

which would also
be my brand.

-[phone chimes]
-Oh.

Sorry, I just got a text.

[whispering] Oh, God.

Yeah, the text cut us off.

Oh, my God.

[door opens]

Well, at least I finished
my book.

Moira, what happened
this morning?

John, you'd be
so proud of me.

I manned that front desk

with the vigour
of a wartime radio operator.

Really?

I checked in
one whole guest.

Answered his questions,

and believe me,
it was a laundry list.

I see, and is there any
chance you might've been

a little brisk
with this guest?

Not in the slightest.

It was a master class
in patience.

Moira, I just got an alert

that someone has posted
a terrible review
of this motel.

Oh, no, John.

Well, dear, if I've learnt
anything from the theatre,

it's whatever they say,
you cannot take it
personally.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure
this is not about me.

"I was served
by an intimidating woman

at the front desk with
an unrecognisable accent

and scary-looking attire."

And what might this
have to do with me?

Moira.

Oh, that fussy
little fucker!

After niggling me
with relentless demands--

It doesn't matter!

Our job is
to welcome people,
to make them feel at home.

I did!

John, do you know
a better hostess?

You're gonna have
to talk to him.

-Apologise.
-You can't be serious.

Moira, one bad review
could sink this motel.

We had four good reviews,

and this just brought down
the whole average.

Okay, John.

For you, I will talk
to that odious little man

and set things straight.

-Good.
-But unlike him,

I will not hide behind
the Internet.

[whispering] Hi.

Um...

So I messed up my form.

And I'm going
to need another

form from you.

Oh, okay.

-[whispering] What?
-Nothing. I'm just, uh...

I'm so glad you made
such good
use of my business card.

I'm sorry I didn't pick up.
I was at a thing.

Well, best you didn't.

But I got all your messages.

Ah, um, and just listened
to the first one

and then erased the rest?

-No, no, no.
-No?

No, I listened
to all of them.

I kind of had to,
to piece them together.

Actually, I played them
for a few friends of mine.

I was at a birthday party,

so there were a lot
of people weighing in.

Okay, um...

[laughing] Just kidding.
I didn't play them
for anybody.

I thought the first few
were very humorous, David,

and then I lost interest.

I may have played them here
on speaker phone.

Okay.

Can I just get
the paperwork,
and then I can--

You know, the good thing
about the messages

was that I was able to get
enough information
to fill out your forms.

Oh.

I wish I could remember.

It's a good idea,
your business.

Rebranding local
products and crafts,

it's very inventive.

-Thanks.
-And I like the name.

"Rose Apothecary," you know,
it's just pretentious
enough.

Would we call
that pretentious
or timeless?

So I'll call you when
I hear something.

And, hey, if I don't get
a hold of you,

I'll just, uh,

leave a message.

Okay, thanks.

Ciao!

[door opens and closes]

Hard at it, huh?

Mmm-hmm.

You know, honey, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for interfering.
I was only trying to help.

Why couldn't you have helped
me cheat in private school,

like everyone else's
parents?

Because I wasn't around
to help you cheat back then,

and I regret it.

Not being around, I mean.

And I think that's part
of the reason

I wanted to help you
cheat this time.

Although

I don't really consider
it cheating.

Mmm. Okay, well, it is.

It is, but is it

really plagiarism to take
something your dad wrote

and put it in your paper
and claim it as your own?

Yes, that's exactly
what it is.

Well,

I'm sorry.

And I may have
underestimated you before,

but that is certainly
not the case now.

Thank you.

And you know why, honey?
Because you're better

than that.

Thank you.

No, you're better

than that.

Okay, I'm better then that.

Not "better then that."
"Better than that."

Okay, I don't know what
you're talking about
right now.

All right, well,
if you don't want my help,

than I guess I'll leave.

Okay, thank you!

Okay, I'll see you
later, than.

Bye!

Ugh!

-[coins rattle]
-[can clunks]

Hi.

The drinks out of this
machine are very cold.

-Oh, good.
-Too cold.

When I hold them,
they sting my hands.

We'll have to find you
some mittens.

I'm quite prone
to frostbite.

I know you wrote
that review.

It's my responsibility
to relate my experience

-to other customers.
-Is it?

I didn't even mention that
the hot water runs brown
for three seconds.

All right, I'll agree

this motel could use
some improvements.

But your review will scare
off the guests we need

to afford
those improvements.

-I was just being honest.
-I see.

Then I suppose
I should be honest.

My daughter married a man
who turned out
to be her uncle.

I'm sorry?

The lowlife uncle
she believed
to have been executed

years before
by the Indian cartel.

This is all
on my ex-husband's side.

I'm good people,
and so is my daughter.

She had nothing to do
with Raven's accident.

When the Bangalores
finally found Dagger

and gave him
what he deserved,

they threatened to burn
down the motel

and leave my pregnant baby
penniless.

This motel?

She begged them
to let her keep this place,

and she promised them a cut
of the profits in return.

They laughed and left,

but not without
first shaving
all her beautiful hair!

[sobbing]
When people ask me,

"Why do you work here
for nothing?"

I tell them,
"This is my flesh and blood!
I do this for her!"

Nothing! She is
my everything!

Okay, wow, I had no idea.

I can take down that review.

-Oh, I--
-I'll take it down.

Oh, do what you must.

[sobs]

Good morning, Roses.

I just wanted to pop by
to congratulate Alexis

on her economics paper.

Oh, honey,
that's great news.

Our little woman
of academia.

I would love to read
this economics paper.

I will admit
that your thesis

of "why shop in store
when you can buy online"

was a little off-topic
but still a really
fresh take.

-Thank you.
-Well, look at you, Alexis,
acing your paper.

Oh, no, no. God, no.

I gave her a solid C plus.

Oh, so she did
write it herself.

It was a noticeable
improvement over
the first paper.

Um, well, I should hope so.

Well, maybe not
a noticeable improvement,

but, um, a different
improvement.

No, no, this one
was definitely better.

Because no one
helped her write it.

[whispering]
Enjoy your breakfast.

[David] Mmm!

Have you seen
Dad's coasters?

"Follow us on Tweeters!"

"Tweeters."

We're going to get lots
of disciples, dear.