All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S03E04.WEB-DL.NF.en

-[birds chirp]
-[car door slams]

Well, what do you think
of the new wheels?

Do you want
my honest opinion?

-Or...
-You got your wallet?

Um, I have my debit card.

And what about your licence?

What about it?

Do you have it?

It's fine.

It was a yes or no question.

Okay, yes, it's fine.

We're going up the street,
I don't need my licence.

David, we just
insured the car

and you can't drive it
unless you have
your licence on you.

So could you
go get it, please?

[sighs] It's expired.

When did your
licence expire?

I don't know!
Like, last month.

Then you're not driving!

Well, I drove the car
yesterday.

-That's illegal, David.
-Ugh.

You need to go
renew your licence!

[Alexis] Are you guys
done with the car?

No, we're just leaving.

Okay, 'cause it looks like
you're getting out.

We're changing seats because
David's licence is expired.

[gasps] No.

It took him like, 16 tries
to get it last time.

It didn't take me 16 tries.

I failed
the written test twice,

and then took the
driving test, and passed.

And then your learner's
permit expired

and you had to do
the written test again,

which you... Failed.

Oh, I remember this!

You had to start
from scratch

and you failed the practical
two more times.

-God!
-Oh, the poor thing
has crippling test anxiety.

We all know that.

Who has the keys?
I need the car.

Well, we're using the car
right now, sweetheart.

David, would you
drive your mummy
to Town Hall, please?

He can't drive.
His licence is expired.

Okay, I will drive.

-You got your wallet?
-It's fine.

[car doors slam]

[dog barks in the distance]

-[sighs]
-Ooh.

So many boxes.

And most of them are filled
with paperwork

I have to go through,

I'm just hoping I contract
some deadly lung infection

from the dust before I have
to open another one.

Um, well, I wouldn't really
worry about it.

I managed several galleries

and never once looked
at the paperwork, so.

It either all comes together
or it doesn't.

Ultimately.

Did it ever come together?

I think we're getting
side-tracked.

Uh, the upside is that
you are your own boss now.

Or I'm the owner
of a very sad business

with one underperforming
employee.

Okay, what I find helpful
when I get overwhelmed

is actually taking
a step away

for like,
15 minutes to an hour,

to um, to maybe two hours,

and helping people.

I feel like there's
a request coming on.

Mmm, not so much a request,
as it is an opportunity.

I am looking for
a very lucky person

to drive me
to my driver's test.

Oh. Yeah, that's not
gonna happen right now.

Um, I guess you're right.

I should probably be
helping you.

I would love to run
some errands,

or you know,
maybe pick something up.

I just-- I just need a valid
driver's licence.

The test is this afternoon.

And I'm very anxious
about it.

And need a lift.

Um... You know what?

I don't think this is
a good time to ask.

Hmm.
That's really perceptive.

I'm gonna find someone
with a little more time...

-...on their hands.
-Okay.

Okay...

I don't know why you didn't
ask me first, David.

I have my licence in
seven different countries

and I have my "F" Class.

Isn't that for
transport trucks?

Yes, well, I had
a lot of people to move!

Anyway, it's not a big deal.

You just get in,
you do what they tell you,

and then you get out.

And you wear your best
hair perfume.

Okay, I don't have
hair perfume

and not all of us can
flirt our way

into getting
a driver's licence!

Okay, you try parallel
parking in a burka, David.

No amount of flirting
can get you out of that,

trust me.

Okay, the big
difference is that

nothing seems to
give you anxiety,

which is actually
sort of concerning.

Oh, that reminds me,
can you hold the wheel
for a second?

-I need to check my phone.
-Oh, my God!

I'll tell you what's not
helping me right now!

-This!
-Hey, relax, David.

I once had a seven-year-old
drive me around Mumbai,

so I'm pretty sure you're
cool to steer for a sec.

-[groans]
-Okay.

Okay.

[sighs]

-Breaths.
-[exhales]

-Breaths.
-[exhales]

[exhales]

Oh, Stevie, I don't mean
to bother you, but, uh,

there's a leaky faucet in
David and Alexis' bathroom.

And this is a pressing
issue for you?

Well, it's just that when
you're in our bathroom,

you can hear it
clear as day,

I mean, it's almost like
it's happening...

In our bathroom.

But it's not.

So, I'm just gonna finish
this first.

-Hi.
-And--

Stevie, I'll need your
telephone, please.

-Sure.
-Along with the number
for a plumber.

The faucet is dripping
in David and Alexis' room.

It's exasperating,

the incessant
tap, tap, tap...

Oh, it's so irritating,
Stevie, it...

[Stevie sobs]

But maybe this is, uh...

Not a good time.

[sobbing]

Oh, boy troubles, no doubt.

We don't want to
intrude, dear.

Just when you can,
plumber, please.

Or get someone else
to do it, Stevie,

because you are
the owner now.

Yeah!

And I don't know
what I'm doing.

Oh! None of us do, dear.

We're all just muddling
through, aren't we?

I mean, look at John.

Why look at me?

I'm saying, even someone
with a history

of wild success can
experience

a downtick now and then.

Well, I didn't realise
I had a downtick, Moira.

I don't know what to do,
do I sell the motel?

Sell the motel? No, no.

No, no, that's not something
you should think about.

-Mmm.
-I mean, I can't keep it!

Okay, Stevie, allow me
to get you a pill.

It's going to make you
forget every last one

of these irrational thoughts
for at least two days.

Yes, and Stevie,
if you need any help at all,

please, feel free
to come by our room.

Well, I'll be at work.

But John will be there,

implementing
and strategising.

And honestly, the drip
is just, you know,

a wish list project,
lowest of priorities.

I just need a minute
and I'll do it.

-Sure, yes, of course.
-Oh, Stevie.

[in a French accent]
Courage!

[sniffles]

[sighs]

-Whoa!
-John, you don't think
she'd sell the place?

It would not bode well
for us if she did.

Okay, I'm gonna need you
to step out of the car
for 20 minutes,

so that I can do my
transcendental meditation

before I fail this test.

Okay, you are acting
all sorts of crazy
right now.

This honestly
does not matter.

Nobody cares.

Uh, people care.

I care. The driving examiner
person cares.

No, he doesn't.

Trust me, people aren't
thinking about you

the way that you're
thinking about you.

What does that mean?

You always over think
everything,

and that's why you fail
all the time.

Thank you, Alexis.

Well, it's true!

Okay,
just because everything
falls in your lap,

doesn't mean that it falls
in everyone else's.

What does?

-What?
-What falls in my lap?

Stuff! Things.
Opportunities.

Things don't fall in my lap!

Okay, I'm just saying,

that you've always just
gotten stuff

without realising
that other people
don't skate through life

the same way you do.

I don't skate through life,
David,

I walk through life,

in really nice shoes.

And I'm sorry
if that rubs you
the wrong way,

-but maybe if you could
just relax for a second,
-[sighs]

and stop worrying
about everything,

everything would be
easier for you.

And what I'm saying
is that things

haven't been as easy for me
as they've been for you.

Um, yes, they have.

No, they haven't!

And now I'm even more
stressed out

than when I got
in the stupid car.

Thank you very much
for your help, Alexis.

Hey!

I'm the one that's supposed
to be getting out

of the stupid car, David!

The driving man's coming!

Oh, my God!

[exhales]

David? Nobody cares.

-I got it.
-Okay.

[sighs]

Hey, Stevie.

Good news.

I fixed the drip in David
and Alexis' bathroom,

so you can check that
off your list.

Thank you.

You know, to be honest
it's more a temporary fix.

I put a sandwich bag
over the faucet

and secured it with...

...an elastic.

Oh, okay, won't the drips...

Fill up the sandwich bag?

Well, like I said,
it's temporary,

but it might buy you
a little time.

A little.

Ooh! A ledger?

I haven't seen one of these
in a while.

Aha. Well, at first glance,

what you think of, say,

charging for late
check outs?

Yeah, again,
that would assume

that we had guests
to check out.

Well, there's a solution
to everything, Stevie,

and when that idea comes,

it's going to appear
so obvious.

Well, I mean, I did think
that I could start

charging full price
to the long term
guests here.

And sometimes it's
the second or third idea

that's really the keeper.

-Hey.
-Afternoon.

Oh, Moira's in early.

Oh, just catching up
on my reading.

Well, we'll leave you to it.

Oh, dear, that's a shame.

[clicking tongue]

That's a real shame!

The old pulp mill in Elmdale
torn down.

That reminds me,
I gotta check out
the new pulp mill.

I hear it's breath-taking.

But surely the old pulp mill
had its charm

and it was
an historic landmark.

Where'd you find
that article?

The old pulp mill
closed down what,
two years ago?

Well,
it just makes one think.

Might there be a building
struggling in our town

that could, with the aid
of municipal funds,

avoid befalling
a similar fate?

Like the library.

Gwen does all her internet
stuff there,

you know, she worries about
people tracing
her IP address.

I was thinking
of another worthy landmark,

the motel.

Oh, that sounds like more
of a personal issue.

Oh, it's very personal,
for Stevie.

The poor thing is a wreck.

Inheriting the motel,
feeling lost and alone.

She even threatened
to sell the place.

A pitiable creature,
that's what she is.

John and I, we both threw
our arms around her,

figuratively speaking,

and we said,
"The people of this town

and council in particular,

will not let this business
go under, Stevie.

For your sake, Stevie!"

I thought you were against
giving town funds

to heritage projects.

Yeah, when we wanted
to restore the war memorial,

you said we should avoid
taking sides.

But this cause
affects everyone.

We all know, or are,
people who live
in the motel.

In closing, I move
that we free up
heritage funds

for the motel,
effective immediately.

All in favour, say "Aye."

Ronnie, you're with me?

I see that
you're scratching.

Bob! You're making a note!

Oh, just writing,
"Visit new pulp mill."

Yeah,
Roland got me thinking.

I hear the floors
are so clean,

you can eat your lunch
off them.

I laid those floors.

[phone chimes]

Okay, Derek.

You are gonna make a turn
up ahead.

Uh, it's David.

Oh, yep, sorry about that.

Um, I just didn't
want you thinking

you had gotten
in the wrong car.

-Rose, David?
-Yes.

Sorry, it's been a long day.

Um, so a left or a right?

What?

You said
there's a turn coming up.

Do you want a left turn
or a right turn?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's a left.

-Okay.
-But when I tell you
to make a left.

Okay. Uh, can I ask you
a question?

Uh, yep, failure to signal
will be counted.

Um, how old are you?

-Twenty-eight.
-Mmm-hmm, and is this like,

what you would like to do
for a career?

Well, I, uh,
I DJ on the weekends.

-Ah.
-Why?

[phone chimes]

So you don't really care
about this.

Like, about me in the car.

I mean,
you care in the sense
that it's your job,

but you don't...
You don't care
about this, do you?

I've done like,
eight of these today.

Is that a problem?

No.

[machine whirrs]

Oh, there she is,
back from council.

Any chance of a bailout?

I was very persuasive.

And there were
lots of questions.

That shows engagement.

Good, 'cause even with
just a little cash flow,

I think Stevie can get
this motel back on its feet.

-Excellent.
-Yes.

And if she can get,
let's say,

a volume discount
on paper products,

or offer deals
on last minute
bookings, then--

Well, it sounds to me
like we may not even need

those funds from council.

Oh, no, no,
we need the funds,

that's for sure,
but I'm just saying,

if she took some
of my suggestions--

Stop!

I want to remember
this moment.

What moment?

I haven't seen you this
excited in a very long time.

No, I'm just thinking
of Stevie and...

Listen, how much money
do you think
we can get from council?

Well, now I'm wondering
if that money

might not just
complicate things.

Look how much
you've achieved
with your back to the wall.

Necessity drives invention

and far be it from me
to rob you of your
necessity.

Well, I'm not thinking of
getting that involved,
Moira,

I'm just offering
a bit of advice.

You've been looking
for a project, John.

Well, not running
a motel, Moira.

That's a commitment.

Or not!

Go. Go tell Stevie
of your decision.

-What decision?
-And I'll instruct council
to save their largesse

for a more worthy charity.

You didn't get
the money, did you?

Go, John...

Before the passion
dies again.

So I assume
you got your licence

and you're not just driving
us home illegally.

-I did.
-Good.

I know.

How was your tester guy?
Was he a monster?

He was fine.

Slightly distracted.

Transitioning to a career
as a DJ,

but apparently none
of the venues around here

could handle his sound...

See? I told you.

He didn't care.

You never trust me!

-Yes, I do.
-No, you don't!

Yes, I do.

No, and you never
take my advice.

And I'm always the last
person you turn to.

What do you want me to say?

Well, like, what makes me
different than
Stevie or Mom?

You trust them with stuff.

Okay, you wanna talk trust?

Stevie and Mom
weren't running around
the world

for a decade and a half
with random men,

leaving me at home to wonder
whether they were okay!

Well, I'm sorry for
having fun, David,

with a selection of very
confident international men.

-But I was always okay.
-Were you?

Because I was the one
at the consulate

sending you
temporary passports

and coloured contacts lenses
whenever you needed them.

I was the one at home,

not having fun
because I was

constantly worried
which East Asian palace

Alexis was being held
hostage in this week.

Not Mom and Dad.

Me.

Well, you didn't have
to worry about me.

Well, I did.

[Ray] ...as your realtor
I would take pictures,

arrange viewings,

dress each room with
complimentary baskets

of plastic foods.

Okay, and if we're
going to do this,

what would
the timeline be like?

The sooner the better.
I have my camera in the car.

What's going on?

Ray and I
are just discussing--

Selling the motel.

I have to weigh all
the options, Mr Rose.

Yeah, I thought
we talked about this?

Ray came to me.

There's never been a better
time to sell a motel.

It's a terrible time
to sell this motel.

Either way, in reality,

it's always best
to tell the client
what they want to hear.

Yeah, but I think selling
is not necessarily

the best way
to solve a problem.

Maybe we should discuss
this at a later date,

or um, when Mr Rose
has left the room.

Well, I'm not leaving
and Stevie's not selling.

I might be selling.

I can't do this
on my own, so...

Well, maybe not on your own,
but, uh...

What if you had a partner?

Stevie, as your agent,

I would advise against
partnering with somebody

who has no capital,

no contacts,
no industry experience.

Well, thank you, Ray,
but I did run
a big corporation,

and I'm perfectly capable
of handling this.

And I think it's

something I wanna do.

[Ray] Oh, well, this is all
very exciting.

However,
if any of this falls through
for any reason,

perhaps one of the ones
I mentioned,

then do give me a call.

Well, Stevie's not selling.

-Here's my card.
-Yeah. Okay.

[Stevie sighs]

You don't have to do this,
Mr Rose.

Well, it's not charity,
Stevie.

I mean...

I'll take a percentage
of the profits,

if and when this place
ever sees any.

You're actually serious?

I'm getting more serious
by the second.

Any help you need,
accounting, sales,
marketing...

Plumbing?

Plumbing, yes, it might keep
me away from the books,
but--

Oh, thank you so much!

Oh. I'm sorry.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, I just feel like
the whole session
was rushed.

Like, there was
no back lighting,

or emotional direction.

Nobody likes their driver's
licence photo, David.

Okay, yeah,
I was just hoping
I would get some options.

-Well...
-Oh!

It's done.

Have you been in there
the whole time?

The sink doesn't fix itself.

Moira, kids...

Check it out.

[both groan]

Okay, kids, give it a spin.

[Alexis clears throat]

[water running]

You changed it so that
the hot water

comes out of
the cold water tap?

No, I fixed the drip.

-Now, turn it off.
-What are we all looking at?

Dad messed up our tap.

No, I fixed the drip.
Turn it off, honey.

It's getting hotter.

-Okay, well, turn it
the other way then.
-Turn it off!

Ow! Ow!
It's burning my hand now.

I see steam, John.

Okay, well, how do you
turn it off?

-It's a tap, turn it off!
-I turned it off!

Good! Good!

See? No drip.

I'm gonna go.

Ow.

[slow music playing]