All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S02E12.WEB-DL.NF.en

John!

-Oh,
I was starting to think...
-I've been hijacked.

-What?
-My campaign
has been hijacked.

(SIGHS) I need
some tea. Twyla?

JOHNNY: What's going on?

-Tea?
-No, thank you.

Ugh! My campaign signs
have gone missing.

-What?
-You had election signs?

-Yes! All of them! Gone!
-TWYLA: Wow.

Maybe people
were mowing their lawns.

Well, it's probably just kids.

What if there's a more
sinister explanation?

Oh, like the wind?

I was wondering if there's
someone who's thinking,

"Oh, this woman may not
have many signs,

"but she has myriad
qualities worth voting for.

"I must stop her!"

So you think the signs
were stolen?

Stolen? Ew!

Is that what you think
happened?

Well, isn't that what
you were implying?

-Who would do that?
-Well, I don't know.
It's dirty pool.

You can't sabotage
someone's campaign
and take their signs.

Please, please,
everyone calm down!

(SIGHS)

Well, I suppose if there's
a silver lining in
all this, it's that...

Someone is intimidated
enough into thinking

that I might be affecting
this town's

long-established
voting patterns.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

JOHNNY: Oh, good. Good.

Now the playing field
is more fair.

Yeah, I was worried Jocelyn
didn't have enough signs up.

Ah. You and me both, pal,

but, luckily,
I'm a step ahead of ya.

Okay, Enough with the signs,
Roland.

It was overkill a week ago.

Well, I don't know
about you, Johnny,

but I would like my little
lady to win this campaign.

Oh! Well, funny you should
mention,

because my little lady
had all of her lawn
signs disappear.

Oh. Moira had lawn signs?

She had a few.

Now she has none.

Wait, are you saying
that I had something...

-I'm not pointing any fingers.
-Uh-huh.

But if I find out you had
anything to do with this,

even though you're acting
like you don't.

Well, if I find out
that you're accusing me

of doing something
I didn't do,

then I'm going to accuse you
of making false accusations.

Fine. But if you're denying
doing something

you might have done
and making me feel guilty...

For accusing you of
something you claim
you didn't do...

Ooh, is that a threat?

I think so.

Because I don't wanna
tell you how I
respond to threats.

And I don't wanna tell you

how I respond to
illegal political activity.

Okay, fine. Then, don't.

Fine, I won't.

Maybe.

Oh, dear.

Yes.

Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.

Well, then, take it out of
my savings account.

Well, what about
the air miles?

Can you put some
of them towards
the electricity bill?

Okay, this signage
is not really on brand.

It's not ridiculous!

Well, I'm not having
this conversation either.

Is everything okay?

(SIGHS) David, to be honest,

I'm having a little trouble
financially

and I'm gonna have
to let you go.

What?

It seems I have overshot
my budget

with some of the changes
you've been implementing.

Which is not your fault.

You were my mistake,

which I take full credit for.

Okay, I thought
you were liking

the changes I was making.

We just sold another poncho
yesterday.

I still can't believe
we even sold one.

But that's not gonna help me
when I am down

to a Costco card
and a zoo membership.

Okay. Well, is there
anything I can do?

No, you've done enough
already.

Fortunately, I have gotten
some good news.

Apparently, there is
a Blouse Barn in Australia

and they are gonna pay me
to use their name here.

Can you believe it?

That there's another store
called Blouse Barn? No.

No, it's an entire chain.

They're expanding
into North America

and they are gonna
pay me $10,000

just to cover the costs
of renaming the store.

Okay, so they're buying
the name from you?

Well, it's more
of a gesture actually.

Apparently, I have been
using the name
without their permission.

Okay, so this company
is giving you
$10,000 as a gesture...

And to think I almost called
this place "Blouse House."

Something seems really
sketchy about this

and I'm not just saying that
because I have a hard
time with Australians.

-Lotta drunks.
-Well, it's already happening.

They're coming in this week,
they're bringing
the paperwork...

As your brand manager,

I feel like I need to be
at that meeting.

I don't know...

At least let me
talk to a few people
before you decide.

If there's one thing I've
learnt from The Good Wife,

it's never accept
a first offer.

-I'm gonna just, do that.
-Oh.

-I have a question.
-Yes,
your cologne is too strong.

Okay, I just put it on

and it needs to breathe
a bit, so...

I came in here to ask

whether you
knew anything about

trademarking store names?

Yeah.
We had to deal with that

-from time to
time at Rose Video.
-Uh-huh.

And did anyone ever ask you
to stop using the name?

No, but we went after
other people for using it.

I remember a "Rosie's Video"
in Sao Paolo.

That was a fun shakedown.

Mmm-hmm. Okay, well,
say you owned Blouse Barn.

Well, first of all,
I'd never get into
the clothing business

'cause the margins
are terrible...

Okay, let's pretend
for a sec.

And someone was
offering you $10,000
to stop using the name

because there's another
Blouse Barn in Australia
and they need the name.

Ten thousand
dollars to stop using
the name Blouse Barn?

-That's correct.
-I would take
that in a second.

It's a terrible name.

-Okay, but that's not...
-Now at least
with "Rose Video,"

it said what it was,

and the logo looked great
on a golf shirt.

Yeah, I'm just thinking
if it's a big chain

and they want the name,

surely you should be able
to get more for it.

Yeah, but is worth
going to court to fight it?

Oh, I don't think Wendy
can afford that.

She can't even afford me
any more, so...

Wait a minute.
You were fired?

Technically, I would say
I'm in a transition
phase at the moment.

This is terrible news.

I thought you were turning
that store around.

All those big purchases,
all that spending...

Okay, let's just focus on
the big picture,

which is helping the store.

Well, if you wanna help
the store,

I would tell your boss
to take the deal.

And then you and I
are gonna sit down,
update your resume

and get you back
into the workforce.

Okay. Well, thank you
so much for this.

Um, it was entirely unhelpful,

but thank you nevertheless.

Well, anytime, son.

MOIRA:
Oh, it's just so violating.

How can one sleep
knowing our streets
are laden with thieves?

Well, I don't know
about laden.

I had a newspaper
stolen once.

Two days ago, we had someone
break our window.

They didn't take anything,

but they left
a dead bird inside.

That's kind of like my aunt.

She has a ghost in her house
that keeps leaving
dimes everywhere.

Look what's happened to us.

These sign bandits
have clearly created
a culture of fear.

LENA: If it helps at all,

I'd be happy
to put one of your
signs on my lawn.

That is, if Jocelyn
doesn't mind.

Oh, no, I'd put one
on my lawn

if I wasn't worried
about winning.

(CHUCKLES)

I hope you know
that I don't stand
for dirty politics, Moira.

Oh, no, you mustn't
beat yourself up.

You have your own signs
to worry about.

All 200 of them.

Well. We're here to sing,
aren't we? So, let's sing!

Well said! Let us focus
on tomorrow's show

and not fan the flames
of this provocative scandal

any more than is necessary.

Sing, ladies, if you can.

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-Let's do this.

(DOOR OPENS)

Hey.

(GASPS) What are you
shopping for?

I'm not shopping.

Okay, well, I'm seeing
a lot of women's tops,

so if there's a minimum
amount for free shipping,

can let me know before
you order?

Okay, yeah, no, I'm...
I'm actually
doing some work, so.

Mmm...
Dad said that you got fired.

I wasn't fired.

I'm actually working
so that I can stay employed.

I have a big meeting
with some lawyers

and I'm trying to make sure
they're not taking
advantage of Wendy.

Poor thing is a hot mess.

Okay, I just really think
you should stay
out of it, David.

-You're not good
under pressure.
-And you are?

Um, I'm sorry.

Were you picked up
by the South Korean
Secret Police on New Years'?

I had to sweet talk
the consulate's lawyer

to get me a passport
before midnight.

Okay, well this is
a very different
situation from that

and I'm pretty sure
I'm gonna be fine.

(TYPING ON KEYBOARD)

Did you or did you not have
a subscription to Cosmo Girl

when you were
16 years old, David?

No.

Okay, David, if you have
to lie about something,

you should breathe out
while you answer

'cause it really
just calms you down.

Oh, my God!
I'm not being interrogated.

This is a negotiation.

I'm just trying
to prepare you, okay?

'Cause they're gonna
eat you alive in there.

Okay. If you know
so much about this,

why don't you
come with me then?

Okay, well,
I guess that just depends
on what's in Mom's closet.

Why does that matter?

Well, I'm not gonna
wear my own clothes
into the room, David.

They're not scary enough.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

I know we just met,
but if Prince Harry
trusted me with his life,

then I think you can too.

Well, I do feel better
having a lawyer in the room.

(GASPS) Oh, my God,
you're so cute.

Um, I'm not a lawyer,

but I'm glad that
my fashion pony is working.

Oh, hi. I'm Wendy Kurtz.
Welcome to the Blouse Barn.

Lisa Chung.

I didn't realise there were
gonna be more of us.

We're her representation.

David Rose.

Angelica Bloomfield of Rose,
Bloomfield and Glickman.

Well, let's go to my office,
shall we?

STEVIE: Oh, Mr Rose!

Oh, Hi, Stevie.

I found these.
I thought Mrs Rose
might want 'em back.

(SARCASTICALLY)
You found them?

Okay, look,
I know we haven't always
been ideal motel guests,

but taking my wife's signs?

Uh, no, I took out
your garbage,

and these poked a hole
in the bottom and fell out.

So, they're still in
pretty good shape.

I thought she might
want them back.

Oh...

Since she's been
so worried about her signs

having been
mysteriously stolen.

Right, right.

Well,
I mean, I can see what must
have happened here.

She accidentally,
uh, threw them out.

That's one theory.

Or someone stole them
and hid them in our garbage

to try and sabotage Moira

to make it look like
she's done
something really crazy.

That is definitely
some food for thought.

-Yeah.
-Mmm.

Well, Thank you, Stevie.
Have a nice day.

Thanks. I will.

This shouldn't take long.
The cheque.

This should cover
the cost of the signs,
business cards...

About the cheque.

Ahem, we had some
questions about the amount.

Well, you shouldn't, $10,000
is the amount we agreed upon.

Well, that may be,

but some things have
changed on our side,

and we want
to discuss the...

I think it's fine, David.

ALEXIS:
From a legal standpoint,

there are lots of costs
to consider.

-Mmm-hmm.
-There are the signs
and the business cards...

I just mentioned those.

Objection sustained.

There is the travel,
there are the meals.

There is the shipping
and the catering...

Which is very similar
to the meals

and not necessarily
relevant, so...

'Kay. Well, the $10,000
doesn't even cover
our legal fees...

-What?
-Don't worry about that.

And if we're gonna announce
a new name,

there has to be
a whole re-launch event,

and that involves

event planners
and, um, florists.

Okay, I think what my
colleague is trying to say,

is that our brand is
very well-established here,

um, so we're going
to require
a higher compensation.

No, it's...

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

No! No, no, Gwen,
you took the lower third.

Well, could you please then?
I've already locked mine in.

Thanks, doll.

Moira, do you have any idea

how Stevie found
your campaign signs
in our garbage?

I don't think anyone
can hear us, John.

You don't have to
keep up the act.

-What act?
-That you didn't
know I took the signs.

You took the signs?

I didn't know
you took the signs.

Why would you take
your own signs?

Well, I couldn't very well
take Jocelyn's.

That would be stealing.

And I'm running
a clean campaign.

You call this
a clean campaign?

Politics 101, John.

When you have limited
resources,

your best course of action
is to create a stir.

It's exciting, it's fun.

It's like that episode
of Sunrise Bay

when I stole my own baby.

Moira, Sunrise Bay
was a soap opera.

Yes, and this is reality.

Frankly, John, I'm surprised
at your naivete.

Moira,
you're misleading people!

No, I'm building a mystery.

Voters will draw
their own conclusions.

I basically accused Roland

of stealing
your campaign signs.

Well, then, hopefully
you've learnt something.

You shouldn't make accusations
you can't substantiate.

-Moira...
-I'm not listening
until you calm down.

Okay, well,
Blouse Barn Australia

is willing to offer you
an additional $5,000.

-Oh, my God!
-Thank you.

So if you'll just sign here,
I think we're good.

I don't think we are.

I have done some research
and I happen to know

that your company pulled in
$100 million last year.

-Point being?
-Well, point is,

judging by your bag
and those shoes,

Blouse Barn Australia
is paying you

quite a bit of money
to come here

and help us
"switch over our signs."

Bottom line,
we're standing in your way

and I don't think your
client will be very happy

if you come home
without securing
the rights to the name,

especially considering
you're expanding

into 78 stores across
North America.

And, let's be honest,

Blouse House doesn't have
quite the same ring to it.

-Exactly!
-Angelica, please.

This is the number
that we are after.

(EXHALES)

-(SCOFFS)
-Now, if you'll excuse us,

we have another
meeting to get to.

We're in our store.

We await your reply.

Moira, I felt bad about
what happened to your signs

and so I had some of my
students make these for you.

Jocelyn!

They're not as nice
as the black and white
ones you had,

but I thought that
they might help.

Very considerate.

Though there's something you
and I still need to discuss.

The signs.

We both know that
in a heated campaign

one might use
whatever resources one
has to gain advantage.

Yes.

Jocelyn, you have
so many signs!

I know.
Roland got carried away

and used his mayoral power

to get people
to put more signs
on their lawns.

And I just pretended
it wasn't happening.

Roland forced constituents

to put up signs
through coercion?

That's what we're talking
about, right?

Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, yeah.

I just was helping you
explain, so you...

Because you seem
so upset by it all.

I am upset.

I don't like what this
campaign is doing to me.

The other day,
I called another
driver an effing moron.

I didn't say the F-word,
but I said, "Effing,"

and that is not me!

Jocelyn, I don't think
it's exactly unethical
to do questionable things

in the spirit of competition.

I'm dropping out
of the campaign.

-What?
-I'm barely sleeping.

I can't get through
an episode

of MasterChef Junior
without crying.

We've both worked
so hard for this.

I know, and now I am
giving it to you.

Congratulations, Moira.

You're the new
councillor for the town
of Schitt's Creek.

David, come on in!

Here, have a seat.

Lisa got back to me.

She dropped off a cheque.

-(GROANS)
-It's a big cheque, David.

Oh, thank God!

-It's a big fucking cheque!
-Oh... (LAUGHS)

Um, you don't mean
one of those big
lottery cheques, right?

-Okay.
-No.

-Okay.
-But you pulled it off!

Um, thank you
for trusting me.

Well, I wouldn't go
that far.

Okay. Um,
I guess we should get back
to work, then?

I love your enthusiasm,

but I think I'm going
to take some time

for my family, for me,

and close the store.

Oh, okay.

But I appreciate
all you've done,

and I want you to have this,

you and Alexis.

Well, Alexis didn't do
that much.

Oh, oh, my God.

And I hope this helps
get you on your feet.

And do something
interesting.

You always do.

(SIGHS)
I can't accept this.

(LOW HUM OF CHATTER)

-(WHISPERING) Moira!
-John.

I'm so excited
to see the show.

I'm going to be on council.

We'll, that's the spirit!
Positive thinking.

I won.
Jocelyn quit the election.

What?

She couldn't
take it any more.

Well, think what you
can do in four years.

Four years? No. No one said
anything about four years.

And the thought of working
with Roland every day.

I mean, that's...
I wouldn't even
think about that.

Oh, John.

What have I done?

-♪ 'Cause tonight
for the first time
-♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

-♪ Just about half past ten
-♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

-♪ For the first
time in history
-♪ Ah

-♪ It's gonna be raining men
-♪ Da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-da bop ♪

So...

Forty thousand dollars?

Oh, that's a lot of money.

Wow! Even divided
amongst the four of us.

Divided?

I'm the one who
negotiated all of this.

Um, with my help, David.

I believe I offered advice.

You said Wendy should cave
and take the first offer.

What you gave was
the opposite of advice.

Okay, stop. This is good.

This is the first real money
we've seen in a year.

'Kay, I think we definitely
need to celebrate.

Nothing big,
just a little treat...

Like a trip.

Okay. I can't believe that
I'm the one to say this,

but, um, shouldn't we be s...

Shouldn't we be s-s-s...

Shouldn't we be...

Trying to save this?

Shouldn't we be saving...
Putting this in a bank?

Isn't that what people do?

Well, that's no fun.

No, but probably best?

Maybe we could do manicures.

I could a manicure.
The three of us should go.

-Yes!
-Long overdue.

-Yeah, that's a good idea.
-ALEXIS: Yay!

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Just 'cause I do my own nails
doesn't mean, you know...

'Kay, they're just expensive
and you wouldn't
really appreciate them.

Oh, yay, David! Yay!

(DOOR CLOSES)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)