Original subtitles

Do you like this sweater?

Jared Leto gave it to me, and I've always been on the fence about it.

I don't know.

What do you mean, you don't know?

You either like it, or you don't like it.

I mean, I like it 'cause Jared Leto gave it to you,

and he was my first kiss, but I don't know if I, like...

[inhales] ...like it, like it.

Erm, that's not really an answer.

[sighs] I feel really bad.

I feel like there's something burning in my throat.

Oh, my God. Well, you could've answered the question by now.

So, I guess I'm wearing it.

Dad, can you bring me some juice?

[Johnny] Be right there, honey!

Yes, we'll be right there!

I knew this day would come, John!

Isolated, impoverished,

cut off from all medical services!

-I only prayed it wouldn't be Alexis. -It's just a cold, Moira.

Oh, it's always just a cold, John,

until it's full blown... Typhoid!

[Alexis] I don't have typhoid!

Well, of course you don't! What are the chances of that?

[gasps] Do you remember Valentina?

Our chambermaid in Little Martinique?

We all thought she had just a cold, until it was too late!

I'll never shake the mental image

of her frothing and flailing in that water taxi.

[Alexis] I can still hear you!

We love you, Alexis!

-[softly] Don't we? -We love you, Alexis.

Tell her you're gonna bring her the juice.

I am bringing the juice, Moira.

John, don't touch her.

Oh...

This is as far as I go, Alexis.

One of us has to stay safe for David.

I'm already in the room.

See? We're still alive, Moira. I think we're gonna be okay.

Of course you are. That's the spirit.

I'm just going to close this door until you're done.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Oh! Uh...

Do you like this sweater?

Honestly, while I admire your courage,

uh, when it comes to fashion,

I'm just not the best person to ask.

-Okay. -What's going on?

Nothing.

-Mmm. You seem stressy. -I'm not. I'm not stressy.

I just want to make a lasting impression, so...

It's a job interview?

For a brand manager position at an upscale boutique.

In Elmdale.

Okay, there are certain lies I tell myself,

and if you're any kind of a friend,

you will let me cling to those lies.

And drive me to the interview.

So, is this, like, an either/or type thing?

Can I help you cling to the lies

and not drive you to Elmdale?

Okay, I'm gonna change my sweater

and meet you at your car, so...

It's like a poncho.

-[door closes] -[chuckles]

So, the guy says to me,

"Well, I wouldn't try that with a fractured larynx!"

[both laughing]

I wouldn't try that, period!

[both laughing uproariously]

-Morning, boys. -Hi, Johnny.

-[clears throat] -Oh, man. Oh, boy.

Ah.

Well, if you gentlemen don't mind,

I'd like to start my day.

Yeah, me, too. Erm...

Do you guys wanna see a card trick?

Oh, I do.

Okay. First thing I need is a deck of cards.

All right, you know what,

I hate to break up this party,

but this is my office,

and I do have a lot of work to do,

-so up, Roland. -Your office?

Er, well, that's kind of interesting, Johnny,

because I don't remember seeing your application

for a new business licence.

[chuckling] Oh, jeez!

To be a fly on the wall for this conversation!

Bob, you're in the room.

You know, Johnny, it's kind of standard procedure

for new businesses to register.

But then again, I guess you don't really have

a lot to register, do you?

[Roland chuckles]

Maybe not to you, Roland,

but, er, keep in mind I did start Rose Video

with $2,000 and a dream,

so it's all about planning.

I see it every day.

Lots of quiet planning.

Sure, he treats himself to a muffin or two,

but, er, I get that that's all part of the planning.

Right, Johnny?

Could be.

Yeah, could be. I mean...

I could look at this muffin and say, "This is a fine muffin."

I'd kill for a bagel, but I haven't seen one bagel since I got to this town.

Now, back at Rose Video, I used to get my assistant

to bring me a bagel every morning.

So, I might think, "A bagel shop is something this town could use."

Oh, I love a good bagel, Johnny.

Do you... Do you think that idea really has legs?

Well, it's just an example, Bob.

Ooh, I just get chills thinking that we're sitting

right in the middle of the "Johnny Rose Dream Factory".

Ooh!

Stupid... Baby.

I'll tell you what, Johnny.

Er, instead of the licence fee,

I'll just take a bite of your muffin.

Mmm! Good!

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

I have to go to this Jazzagals rehearsal, Alexis,

so I'll need your word you'll remain stable.

We're a long way from any hospitals.

You can't be playing fast and loose with those symptoms.

Alexis?

[shouting] Alexis?

I'm sleeping!

Oh, honey.

Honey, I need to ask you a serious question.

Has it gotten worse, or are you just not wearing any makeup?

Your freaking out is not helping anything!

Well, I'm sorry, dear, but you're the first one to get sick here.

[stammering] And I can't... I don't...

I appreciate your concern,

but it's only a cold, and I just need to get better.

You're right.

Do I have a fever, though?

I don't know.

Can you see?

-Mmm. -[sighs]

[exhales]

I think you have to do it without the tissue.

You're right. Okay, put your hand up on the forehead.

-Mom! -[clears throat]

[quietly] Oh, God.

-[gasps] It's warm! -How warm?

I don't know, Alexis. I'm not a nurse!

Though I played one once in a lovely little production of Harvey.

But she worked in a mental institute.

[groans]

I blame those late nights at the barn.

Cold air whistling in and out,

and you and Mutt not wearing near enough clothing.

Everybody gets sick sometimes.

Speak for yourself.

I'm sorry, Alexis. I'm sorry I must leave you, but...

Mummy's gotta fight for her solo.

Argh! [sniffles]

No. Nope.

-No. -What?

-[David[ Well, this can't be it. -That's it.

Can't you tell by how upscale the boutique is?

Well, that's false advertising!

I've been in this boutique, and nothing about it is upscale!

How did you being in this store ever happen?

I was with Roland. We were shopping for Jocelyn.

It's a long, frightening story.

Anyway, we can't be here. We need to go.

Why, what's the big deal?

There is a solid chance I may have insulted the owner.

Oh, well, that doesn't sound like something you'd do.

She has very questionable taste.

-Mmm. -I may or may not have told her that to her face.

So, there is no point in being here.

You can start the car.

I didn't drive all the way out here for you not to do this.

Also, this is probably the only job in this town

that you'll ever be qualified for.

Okay, so do you want me to lead with that,

or hold it till the end? Keep it as a surprise?

You know, Johnny...

I think you're really on to something with this bagel idea.

Yeah, but, Bob, as I said this morning,

it wasn't so much an idea as it was an example of an idea.

I see.

Well, for example, if you were to open a bagel shop,

what would be the first thing you'd need to do?

Well, offhand, I honestly don't know.

I suppose I'd start by finding a space.

And then I'd probably source out a bagel oven and, erm, a bagel baker.

Sesame seeds? Gwen loves the ones with sesame seeds.

Yeah, well, whatever.

And then we get the, er, blueberry cream cheese.

-Ooh. -Yeah.

Listen, Bob, I appreciate your enthusiasm,

but even if this bagel shop was a viable idea...

-Which I think it is. -Fair enough.

But, er, you still have considerable overhead.

I mean, you wanna make sure you're making good bagels the real way.

Well... [laughing]

You would certainly know how to make them "the real way",

because you're, er... You're...

-Jewish? -I didn't know if I could say it.

But, boy, do you all love your bagels!

I mean, I do, too, and I'm not even, er...

Jewish. You can say it, Bob.

I don't know why, it feels like a swear.

-What's the one you can't say? -Okay, you know what,

I've got a lot of work to do, Bob, but thanks for stopping by.

So, David!

This is quite the resume.

If I ever need a performance artist, I know who to call.

-Thank you. -Skanky!

-Excuse me? -You called my store "skanky"

when you were here with the mayor.

Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

Mmm.

Well, what I think I'd bring to the position

is a worldly approach to merchandising

and sales tactics-- We're not over the skanky thing, are we?

No. And I can't help but wonder

why you'd wanna work in a store you described as "skanky".

I don't know if we need to keep saying the word.

Skanky!

Do you still think my store is skanky, David?

Which is why I feel like I can help.

You think I need your help?

Well, I am answering an ad in the paper.

Well, David, I am looking for a partner.

Someone who believes in my store.

Well, I can say with complete certainty

that I see literally nothing but potential

in your store, you know?

Is the floor overcrowded? Yeah.

Are the mannequins a little too busty? Absolutely.

Does it smell like urinal cakes in here?

Perhaps.

Well, this is all very constructive,

and it's clear you have some strong ideas.

Here's the issue.

It seems as though you have trouble filtering negative thoughts.

So, I don't know if I can trust you

to represent the Blouse Barn.

Okay. Well, this has been a treat.

Thank you so much.

I'll need to see you on the floor,

working with customers.

Okay.

[door opens and closes]

[footsteps approaching]

Can I help you?

Bob want us to meet.

Bob wants us to meet?

-Yeah. May I sit? -No. No.

[laughs] Hey there, Johnny.

-Bob? -This is Ivan.

-Uh-huh. -Take a load off.

Well... Sure, sit... Sit down.

Ivan would like to help with the, er, bagel idea.

Well, there's no bagel... I mean, you know, Bob,

-I already told you... -I got some brick.

-You've got bricks? What bricks? -Yeah. Yeah.

-For bagel oven. -Yeah.

Ivan works down at the quarry.

He's got a whole truck filled with bricks.

[chuckles] Right out front!

Bob, you know, this bagel shop idea was just an idea.

You know, it's not even an idea.

It's just an illustration of a theoretical idea.

Well, that may be,

but do you know how much a bagel oven costs?

And Ivan here, he's willing to do it for free.

-As long as I get to... -As long as he gets to make the bagels.

-Yeah. -Ah, well, no one is making any bagels right now.

-You want me to start unloading, then? -No. No unloading.

Ivan, would you excuse us for a minute?

I just wanna have a word with Bob.

-Oh, yeah, sure. -Okay.

Could you stand and excuse us?

-All right. Oh, okay. -Er, I'll meet you out there in a minute.

Bob, you know, we are so...

Oh.

We are so far from even remotely having a conversation about this,

you know, business.

Okay.

You said you started Rose Video with 2,000 bucks and a dream.

I... Bob, you... You don't have to...

Let's turn this dream into green!

Bob, I don't want your cheque.

[sighs] Oh, my God.

[classical music playing]

-Ooh! -Do you think I should get it?

Mmm! That's a question.

-You don't like it. -I never said that.

I never said that. I feel...

You know, in France, they say the looser the fit, the sexier the feel.

-So... -I've never been to France.

-Okay. What if I pulled a few other options... -[door opens and closes]

...and, erm, see what happens?

I'll be right back.

Hi!

How much longer do you expect me to wait in the car

like some hired chauffeur?

Erm, yeah. I'm gonna need you to do something for me.

Like, drive home without you?

Er, no. Wendy has got me on a bit of a trial run with the customers,

and I'm gonna need you to help me out

by looking like you're enjoying this conversation

a little more than you are.

I'm also gonna need you to buy a couple blouses from me.

-"A couple"? -One. A blouse.

-What about this? -Well, that's not an option. That... No.

But I have my sister's communion this weekend!

-Okay, don't do that. -Don't do what?

-Do you not like it? -Don't, Stevie.

Good recommendation, sir!

This is also gonna be a smash at my husband's trial hearing.

He's got good taste!

[David] Okay, so I've pulled a few options.

Or we can go with what we have.

-These are stupid. -Okay.

-[door opens] -[Moira] Alexis?

The woman at the general store said that a girl in Elmdale

recently contracted avian flu,

so I got you a bit of... Everything...

Oh. I see you're already being taken care of.

Hello.

I didn't realise you were feeling well enough for company.

I just brought over a few things to help break the fever.

And it's really helping. Thank you.

No, I'm relieved that Alexis has someone

with such natural caregiving tendencies.

-I'm gonna go. -No, babe, stay.

Had I known your spirits were so high,

I might not have spent

the last 45 minutes of my life

running around buying cold medication.

I didn't ask you to go buy cold medication.

When have you ever bought me cold medication?

Exactly. I knew it didn't feel right.

[sighs]

I think you're in good hands now, babe.

-[groans] No. -Mmm-hmm.

Oh, dear, are we sure this isn't just mono again?

What with your symptoms and your lifestyle?

Mrs Rose, I don't have mono.

Oh, no offence, dear. Could be others.

-Oh, my God! -Get some rest.

-Bye. -Bye.

-[door opens and closes] -Weren't you supposed to be at choir practice?

"Rehearsal". Yes.

I was supposed to be there over an hour ago.

-So, why aren't you? -Because I kept picturing you, diseased and all alone.

-That's never stopped you before. -I know!

What the hell is going on, Alexis?

I'm feeling something. Something debilitating!

You're the ill one, but I'm... I'm feeling this...

-This... [sighs] -Maternal instinct, maybe?

No, that's not it.

-No. -Maybe.

No.

Have I offended you in some way, Johnny?

Probably.

I'm just wondering at what point you decided to cut me out.

-Of what? -Well, I assumed I would be consulted

before we made any major decisions about the bagel business.

What decisions?

Well, hiring Ivan, for one thing.

I don't have a good feeling about that guy.

I think he's ex-KGB.

Roland, there is no bagel business, okay?

It was just a stupid idea I made up because... You were right.

-Well, I know that! -[sighs]

Right about what?

About me not doing anything.

It's tough enough coming up with a business idea,

let alone a money-making idea in a town this small,

and I was... I was, you know, putting a lot of pressure on myself.

Maybe too much pressure.

And I've been doing nothing but treading water.

So, I... Started rambling about bagels this morning.

-[sighs] -[Bob chuckling]

Look at this. The brain trust! [laughs]

So, er, I was thinking, and, er,

I'm not married to it, but, er...

"Bob's Bagels".

[Roland exhales]

Johnny, I think you have something you'd like to say to Bob.

You don't wanna use the name Bob?

[chuckles] Oh, I get it.

Er, go with something a little more, er, Old Testament?

Bob, that's not it, no.

See, there won't be a bagel shop.

'Cause I've looked into it, and it's not feasible.

And there already is a bagel shop in Elmdale.

But Ivan's about to hand in his notice down at the quarry, and, er...

I gave you that cheque.

Yes, and of course I'm... I'm returning this cheque to you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. You took money from Bob?

Why didn't you come to me?

You would've given me money?

No, of course not. But as your partner--

You're not my partner! Not my partner.

Look, Bob, I appreciate all the confidence you've shown in me.

I really do, and, er, I promise you this.

I will come up with a... A better idea real soon.

You know, er, next time, er,

I should probably see a business plan

so I don't invest so much in another, er, hollow scheme.

[scoffs] Yeah, me, too.

-You didn't invest. -Yes, and whose fault is that?

Hmm.

[Twyla] Well, congratulations.

Let me get the champagne. You guys are gonna love it.

It's the same one we use to celebrate my mom's divorces.

-Great. -So, how long before I can return this?

Oh, it's erm, exchange or store credit only.

-That's funny. -I'm not joking.

Well, I guess you're buying drinks tonight.

I can do that. That's fair.

And dinner.

-Okay. -And if I feel like dessert...

It's a $12 negligee

on a two-for-one promotion, so...

Okay, I'll just drop a little raisin in here to release the bubbles.

-Ooh. That's not necessary. -Okay!

Congratulations.

A whole raisin.

To your first job.

Ooh. Er, my first job was actually a Gap Kids campaign when I was six.

-To your first job! -Mmm!

-I'm so tired. -Yeah.

Can you tell me a story?

-How about a song? -No!

Story it is.

Erm...

There once was a radiant young actress,

who dreamed of having two sons.

The second of which would be named Alex.

I don't like this story.

Shh.

Now, it seems the vivacious daytime Emmy nominee

was surprised by how taken she was

with this unanticipated daughter.

Mostly because she didn't cry as much

as the unmannerly son,

but also because she was

adventurous, carefree...

So beautiful.

Just like her mother.

Alexis.

You're on my arm.

Alexis, seriously. I can't feel it.

-I can't, Alexis! -Ah!

-[grunts] -Go to sleep, dear.