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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,042 --> 00:00:03,963 (MOIRA READING) 2 00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,508 (CAR ENGINE RUMBLES) 3 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:19,770 Hi, Johnny. Can we come in for a moment? 4 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,314 Yes. Yes. 5 00:00:24,023 --> 00:00:25,651 Thank you. 6 00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,987 -Hello. -Oh, hi. 7 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,488 JOHNNY: Is everything okay? 8 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,323 (VOICE BREAKING) We've got some sad news. 9 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,785 Uh, someone very close has died. 10 00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:37,746 -Oh. -Sorry. 11 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,248 You remember Bob? 12 00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:43,126 No. 13 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,379 You broke into his cabin and had sex 14 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,631 while he and his wife were in the next room. 15 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:50,384 (GASPS SOFTLY) Oh, that's Bob. 16 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,845 Yeah, Bob. He was on the town council. 17 00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,429 He's on the town council, yeah. 18 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,932 -Oh, Bob died? -Tsk, tsk, tsk. 19 00:00:56,974 --> 00:01:01,770 No. No, not Bob. Bob's brother, Carl, died. 20 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:08,861 I don't know Carl. 21 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,739 We barely know Bob. 22 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:14,742 Carl thought so highly of you, Johnny. 23 00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:16,076 Oh... 24 00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:17,953 Really? Well, that's nice. 25 00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,955 No, I honestly don't know the man. 26 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:23,751 Well, understandably, Bob is, uh, pretty broken up by all of this, 27 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:28,338 and he asked me to ask you if, uh, you'd be willing to, um, 28 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:32,091 be a pallbearer at Carl's funeral. 29 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,595 -A pallbearer? -Mmm-hmm. 30 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,513 At Carl's funeral. 31 00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,390 (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't... 32 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:39,683 Um... 33 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,519 I, you know, I'm flattered. That's... 34 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:43,896 It's quite an honour to be... 35 00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,230 I knew he would say yes. 36 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:48,233 (STUTTERS) And normally I would, I would. 37 00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:50,861 I... You know, but my back. I have, uh... 38 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,196 I... I have back issues. 39 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,656 -Honey? You know, my back. -What? 40 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,408 -The thing with my back. -Your back! 41 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,493 Oh, it's... It's terrible. 42 00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,829 And his arms are so weak. 43 00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,456 Little muscles like Corn Nuts. 44 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:05,208 Yeah, we're just talking about my back, sweetheart. 45 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,919 It's awful. 46 00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:09,046 -I don't know what we're gonna tell Bob. -(ROLAND SIGHS) 47 00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:11,048 He's gonna be so disappointed. 48 00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:15,094 Yeah. Yeah. Well, life can kick you in the teeth sometimes. 49 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,430 Well, that's not gonna help Bob out too much there, Johnny. 50 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,558 Mmm, no. Shouldn't bother Carl. 51 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,357 (BABY WAILING) 52 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,496 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 53 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:43,705 (WOMAN SCOFFS) 54 00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,499 I said bring the goddamn diaper bag! 55 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,834 (BABY CRYING) 56 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,544 Babe, I'm getting the cooler right now, 57 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:50,796 in case you didn't notice. 58 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,213 Well, Denim has needed a diaper change 59 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,466 since before we left the house! 60 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,051 Oh, my God. 61 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,469 What? 62 00:02:57,511 --> 00:03:00,555 Some townie douchebag is moving in next door. 63 00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:01,807 They've got a baby. 64 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,809 (ALEXIS SIGHS) 65 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:04,893 -(LOUD THUD) -(GASPS) 66 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,227 (BOTH GASPING) 67 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,064 -DAVID: Is there a gun? -(DENIM WAILING) 68 00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,273 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 69 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,984 -(BOTTLE SHATTERING) -(DENIM CRYING) 70 00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:13,568 -Oh, no. -MAN: Jesus! What the hell did you do that for? 71 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,029 It's still too hot. 72 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,530 It's 20 seconds in the microwave, 73 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,490 -not 20 minutes, you tool. -Oh, you've lost it. 74 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,867 -Oh... -You've lost it. 75 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:20,742 What the hell are you so rattled about? 76 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:21,952 Oh! 77 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:26,915 -What are you doing? -Um, I'm gonna go 78 00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:28,249 stay at Ted's, 79 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,835 because I've been to enough spring breaks 80 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,170 to know how this is gonna end, 81 00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:33,588 and it's not...not good. 82 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,008 You're just gonna leave me here with these people? 83 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:38,760 Yeah. Like, I don't feel good about it. 84 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,470 Hello! Hello! 85 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,223 Is anybody in that hollow chest? 86 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,104 (DOOR OPENS) 87 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,484 Hey, Bob. 88 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:56,904 How are you holding up? 89 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,447 Oh, you know. Not bad. 90 00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:03,035 You know, they say death is just life 91 00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,703 except you're not here. 92 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,414 You're somewhere else, you know? 93 00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:08,665 But that's okay because 94 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,584 at least you're somewhere, you know? 95 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,587 But when does somewhere become there? 96 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,589 And when does there become here? 97 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,257 -And I... It just... -Just a coffee, please. 98 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,134 -For here? Okay. -Yeah. 99 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,561 -Bob. -Hi, Johnny. 100 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,563 Oh, hi. Hi. 101 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,607 You mind if I join you? 102 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,150 I could use a little company today. 103 00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:36,484 Oh, no, no. 104 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,779 You... You stay where you are, and I'll... 105 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,781 I'll come over there. 106 00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:42,199 Oh! 107 00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:43,658 Baby. Ooh! 108 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,035 Wow! 109 00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:46,745 (GROANS) 110 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:51,125 Yikes! That's... That hurts today. 111 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:55,170 Yeah, Roland, he told me about your back and I, uh... 112 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,504 I am so sorry. 113 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,799 Well, I'm the one who's sorry, Bob. 114 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,761 You know, hearing about your, uh, brother. (STUTTERS) Chris... 115 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,264 -Carl. -Carl. Yeah, he was a good man. 116 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,141 -Good man. -He admired you, Johnny. 117 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,516 -And I him. -Yeah. 118 00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:09,893 And I him. 119 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,520 Listen, uh, I understand about your back... 120 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,314 Yeah. 121 00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:17,234 And I was just, uh, wondering 122 00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:21,238 if maybe you can say a few words at the funeral? 123 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,405 (COUGHS) 124 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,492 Well, the thing is, uh, Bob, 125 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:29,037 (STUTTERING) I don't feel I deserve that honour. Uh... 126 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:32,291 Oh, see, I'm no good at these things. 127 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,627 You know, uh, you, you're polished. 128 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,378 You know, you're well-spoken. 129 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,673 Oh, no. No, no. Not really. Not really. 130 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:44,303 I mean, I'm good one-on-one, but not good in a public situation. 131 00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:45,720 I clam up pretty good. 132 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,388 As a favour, Johnny. 133 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,557 He must have had a few close friends, 134 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,226 -somebody that... -No one. 135 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:56,231 Well, sure. Sure. I can say a few words, Bob. 136 00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,108 I'll say a few words. 137 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,489 Have you seen the couple that checked in? 138 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:08,910 They're like really scummy. Like, very skaggy people 139 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:13,665 who happened to produce a child that hasn't been taken away from them yet. 140 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,416 Imagine being related to them. 141 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,751 No, I can't. It's too early. 142 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:17,919 They're my cousins. 143 00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,129 Oh. 144 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,589 Well, um, 145 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,884 the baby's relatively normal-looking. 146 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,719 No, they're definitely skaggy. 147 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,512 My God, they're so skaggy. 148 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:31,058 Hmm. Wait, so you're related to Carl? 149 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,767 Not genetically. 150 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:36,146 My mom's sister was married to Carl. Carl is Sean's stepdad. 151 00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:38,273 And was that a factor in the cause of death? 152 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,234 I wouldn't be surprised. 153 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,028 They broke up right before Sean got Bree pregnant. 154 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,364 Or someone got Bree pregnant. 155 00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:47,324 I mean, Bree's not exactly fussy 156 00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:50,994 when it comes to introducing men to her vagina. 157 00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:52,495 Mmm, charming. 158 00:06:56,917 --> 00:07:00,295 Tell me it's not always this clean in here. 159 00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:01,671 No, it's always this clean. 160 00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:04,465 Oh, it smells so fresh. 161 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,884 Uh, that's the Febreze. 162 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,262 I was... I was eating Indian last night, so... 163 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,597 So much better than the motel. 164 00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:13,433 At least you know what the smell is. 165 00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,186 (GIGGLING) 166 00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:22,192 TED: Oh! (LAUGHS) 167 00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:24,444 -Hey, come on now, you two. -Oh, hey! 168 00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:26,654 -Come on. -Hi there. Ooh! 169 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:27,989 Oh... 170 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,200 There's a good girl. There's a good girl! 171 00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:32,953 -They're so... -Oh! Well, Macy and Fifer 172 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:36,081 are just staying with me for a couple of weeks until they get back on their feet. 173 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,582 Isn't that right, Fifey? 174 00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:40,627 Yeah, your worms are almost all gone, aren't they? 175 00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:41,920 Yeah. 176 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,630 Is that a diaper on that little cutie? 177 00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:45,299 Yup. Oh. You know what, though? 178 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:49,552 Okay. This is just because she's scared right now. 179 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:52,889 But, uh, don't worry. I can tell that you are gonna win them over. 180 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,682 -Yeah? -Yeah. 181 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,936 I just... I haven't, um, been... I haven't... I don't... 182 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,896 -I'm not around dogs a lot, so... -(PANTING) 183 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,856 No, you know what? Don't even worry about it. 184 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:05,277 Just for tonight, think of them as our kids. 185 00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:08,488 Right? Oh, yeah. 186 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:10,698 John, you're speaking at the funeral? 187 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,618 The man was weeping. What was I supposed to do? 188 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:18,081 You take his hands in yours, you look him in the eye, and you say, "No." 189 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,333 What do you say about a guy 190 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,084 you couldn't care less about? 191 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:23,628 Oh, it's Gord what's-his-name's funeral all over again. 192 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,213 -Who's Gord what's-his-name? -Exactly. 193 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,715 He was some kind of crewperson on Sunrise Bay. 194 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,593 I made an obligatory appearance at the service, 195 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,972 and his hysterical girlfriend cornered me into saying a few words. 196 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:37,100 I didn't have a thought in my head, so I just stood up and sang Danny Boy. 197 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,144 -Not a dry eye in the house. -Huh? 198 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,483 God, I love this bed. 199 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,611 I'm so glad you're not my brother. 200 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,490 Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty glad about that, too. 201 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,327 But let me assure you, tonight it is just you and me. 202 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,462 (DOG PANTING) 203 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:12,135 Hey, the little guy is looking at us. 204 00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:15,680 Oh. Yeah, dogs sometimes do that. 205 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:16,890 Okay. 206 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,147 Um... 207 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:27,650 Maybe we could invite it to go? Go away. 208 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,737 Oh, she's fine. She's fine. She's fine. 209 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:37,035 Oh, now you want in on the action too, huh? 210 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:41,956 -Okay, the big one is sniffing the diaper. -(SNIFFING) 211 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,000 -Does that mean it's full? What is... -Okay. 212 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:47,170 Okay, you guys, just give us a little bit of time here, 213 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:50,173 and then you can come sleep with us, okay? Okay? 214 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,717 Okay, where were we? 215 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:53,927 (CHUCKLES ANIMATEDLY) 216 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,012 (DOG SNARLING) 217 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,473 (BARKING) 218 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,185 (MOUTHING) Out. Get out. 219 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,644 (BARKING CONTINUES) 220 00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,106 (LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 221 00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,817 MAN: Pass the chips! 222 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,906 Hello. Excuse me. 223 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,074 Excuse me! 224 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,451 -Hey! -Excuse me! 225 00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:20,245 -Hey! Go. -Excuse me, hi. 226 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,956 Oh, buttons, I don't think you're invited to this one, huh? 227 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,958 -I don't wanna be invited to this one. -(LAUGHING) 228 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,960 Hey, look who it is. It's your dad. He's here to take you home! 229 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,962 -Yeah, yeah. -Remember that? 230 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,131 -Yeah! -You remember that one? 231 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,216 -(LAUGHING) -No. 232 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,718 I'm just pumpin' your tyres, bud! 233 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,680 Look, what you gotta understand is that my ex-stepdad just died, 234 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:42,142 so we're here celebrating his life, okay? 235 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,019 Okay, you all seem very devastated by this. 236 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,563 I need you to turn... 237 00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:48,648 I need you to turn the music down, okay? 238 00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:49,690 Mmm-hmm. 239 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,151 Because I'm trying to get 240 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,903 at least a couple hours' sleep tonight. 241 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:57,115 Well, you know who's sleeping forever, bud? 242 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,950 -Your ex-stepdad, yeah. -My ex-stepdad, yeah. 243 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,035 -Yup, yeah. -Damn, that's sad. 244 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,663 -Are we out of mix? -Okay, thank you. If you could just turn it... 245 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,332 -Thank you. -(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) 246 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:08,918 Oh, my God. 247 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:11,212 Don't. 248 00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:12,506 Oh, my... 249 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:18,595 I am so sorry. They got me... 250 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:20,597 -(WHISPERING) They got me wasted. -Mmm. 251 00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:23,808 I hate them, okay? I hate them so much. 252 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:27,562 You smell very flammable right now. 253 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,230 Yes, I'm sure. 254 00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:33,943 I'm gonna need you to get them to turn it down, okay? 255 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,487 -Yes. -Yeah. 256 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,905 (LAUGHING) 257 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:41,242 -BREE: Hi, Denim. Hi, sweetie pie. -(DENIM WAILING) 258 00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,744 STEVIE: David, I'm so sorry. 259 00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:46,623 (CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS) 260 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,423 -Johnny. -Hello, Bob. 261 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:58,051 Moira, so good of you to come. 262 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,595 -John said we had no choice. -Oh. 263 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,514 Listen, we have some good seats down front. 264 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:05,724 Oh, that's very nice. 265 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:10,188 Boy, what a beautiful day for a funeral. 266 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:19,531 (JOHNNY CLEARS THROAT) 267 00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:23,577 Bob, in case I wanna mention this in my remarks, 268 00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,286 how did Carl go? 269 00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:28,456 Well, it was a bit of a freak accident, really. 270 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:32,960 Apparently, he was trying to unhook his belt from the ceiling fan. 271 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:36,130 Apparently, it got knotted around his neck. 272 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,507 What? 273 00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:38,966 Yeah, you know, you'd think the whole thing 274 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,843 would've come down, you know. 275 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:46,266 Try keeping a fan and a body spinning up there for two days. 276 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:49,810 But, uh, Carl found the studs on that one. 277 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,979 -Oh. -(CHUCKLES) Yeah. 278 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,106 That's craftsmanship. 279 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,274 Oh, yeah. 280 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:57,652 But that was Carl. 281 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,954 DAVID: Do you even know what that stain is or... 282 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:11,458 Uh, I'm worried if I did, I wouldn't clean it up. 283 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,545 Why are you cleaning it up? 284 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:20,675 Sadly, um, I threw most of the broken glass you see here. 285 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,510 You were a bit of a mess last night. 286 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,763 They told you? 287 00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:27,599 Oh, no, no. We had a full-blown conversation. 288 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:30,769 You were barely clinging to consciousness. 289 00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:31,978 Oh. 290 00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,481 Sorry. 291 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,608 Did I try and make out with you? 292 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:37,776 Mmm-mmm. 293 00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:39,360 Good. 294 00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:41,655 But now I'm worried I made out with someone else. 295 00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:43,864 Uh, it's kind of my go-to when I'm a little boozy. 296 00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,325 DAVID: Mmm. 297 00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:48,495 Mine's shame eating, so yours sounds more fun. 298 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:49,704 (SNICKERS) 299 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,498 (GASPING) 300 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,124 Um... 301 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:55,627 Is this your thong or... 302 00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:59,964 Yeah, no. Bree's a real classy girl. 303 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,258 Uh, his was wrapped around the remote. 304 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,511 Don't worry, I threw out the remote. 305 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,720 Hmm. 306 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,140 Well, it looks like they have a side hustle. 307 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:12,560 I'm pretty sure she strips. Why? 308 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,646 Oh, no, this is just a lot of, um... 309 00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:17,898 -Yes, it is. -Marijuana. (SNIFFING) 310 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,901 And if you're offering, my answer is yes. 311 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,702 Thank you for that, Shannon. 312 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:32,622 Nothing says we'll miss you like an excerpt from Breaking Dawn, 313 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:36,626 one of Carl's favourites of the Twilight movies. 314 00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,961 Now, to say a few words, 315 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:44,592 I'd like to bring up a close friend and one of Carl's personal heroes, 316 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,177 -Johnny Rose. -(SCATTERED APPLAUSE) 317 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,387 (DENIM CRYING) 318 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,183 (WOMAN COUGHING) 319 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,271 Thank you, Minister. 320 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,483 Carl. 321 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:01,984 (SIGHS) 322 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,779 What to say about Carl? 323 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,990 Once so full of life, 324 00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:10,535 and now 325 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,747 lying very, very close to me. 326 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:19,085 What a terrible thing death is. 327 00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:21,462 And yet, for Carl, 328 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,507 pretty much an all-consuming thing at this point. 329 00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,675 (DENIM CONTINUES CRYING) 330 00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,803 He was a... He was a man who loved 331 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:33,140 a good sweater, I'm told. 332 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:36,686 And he loved the feel of a big tool in his hand. 333 00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,688 Am I right, Bob? 334 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,940 And I wonder, 335 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:44,903 when Carl was spinning around on that ceiling fan 336 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,572 that he was so very proud of, 337 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:51,242 was he ever thinking of this town, 338 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,120 where he was born, where he lived, 339 00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:55,872 and where he died? 340 00:15:57,331 --> 00:16:00,126 Where he died. 341 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:03,212 (STUTTERING) But I'm not up here today 342 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:07,341 to speak about dying in Schitt's Creek. 343 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:08,509 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 344 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:11,888 -I'm here. I'm... -(DENIM CRYING) 345 00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:14,808 -BREE: Where the hell are you, Sean? -I'm... 346 00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,309 At a bar? 347 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,728 If anyone should be in a bar right now, it's me. 348 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:21,815 -(DENIM CONTINUES CRYING) -Fuck, Sean! (SIGHS) 349 00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:22,857 Excuse me. 350 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:25,652 (DENIM CRYING LOUDLY) 351 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:29,489 Well, I am here to talk about dying in Schitt's Creek. 352 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:33,326 I'm here to talk about the misery of our lives here, 353 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,829 and how we might never escape this place, 354 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:39,540 and how we do not want to end up in a coffin, like Carl, 355 00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:42,794 here in this godforsaken... 356 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:46,714 ♪ Oh, Danny boy 357 00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:54,848 ♪ The pipes, the pipes are calling 358 00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:58,726 (ALL SINGING) 359 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:01,813 ♪ From glen to glen 360 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:06,442 ♪ And down the mountain side 361 00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,737 ♪ But God... 362 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,535 So, I'm sorry 363 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:19,664 if earlier I wasn't sensitive to your animal issues. 364 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,499 And if it's any consolation, 365 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,751 the dogs told me to tell you that they're super embarrassed 366 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,211 about their behaviour, too. 367 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:30,216 Well, I am dating a vet. I should've known that 368 00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,593 there'd be slutty little animals running around. 369 00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:36,347 -And I only take in the slutty ones, so... -(LAUGHS) 370 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:41,268 I just, I didn't know what to do because I love the dogs so much, but, 371 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:45,147 you know, I also really love 372 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:49,318 the way that our relationship is going right now, so much. 373 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,571 Such a sweet face. 374 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,113 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 375 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,616 So, to get you more comfortable around animals... 376 00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:57,368 Not a puppy, Ted! I... 377 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,453 No, that would be cruel to the puppy. 378 00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,164 No, I got you this. 379 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,835 (READING) 380 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,674 It's a very specific book. 381 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:14,594 You might wanna check out page 37. 382 00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,015 (WHISPERING) Is it a credit card? 383 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,351 No. It's a room key. 384 00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:26,940 To the premium king suite at the Holiday Inn Express in Elmdale, 385 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:30,026 and they have a very strict "no pets allowed" policy. 386 00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:34,781 Well, it just so happens that I have packed my overnight bag. 387 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:35,865 Hmm. 388 00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:37,241 Come here. 389 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,412 -Thank you. -No, thank you. 390 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,956 -No. Thank you. -Thank you. 391 00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:45,165 -Thank you. Thank you. -Thank you. 392 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,671 You know where I got my hat, brah? 393 00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:52,339 Where? 394 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,216 Assholes R Us. 395 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:55,802 (BOTH LAUGHING) 396 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,517 -(DISTANT THUMPING) -Oh! 397 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,144 -Ow! -(DISTANT ARGUING) 398 00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:06,687 Oh, my God. 399 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:08,648 Oh, my God! We need to go. 400 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,400 We need to go. We need to go. 401 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:15,113 STEVIE: I don't see it. I don't see it. 402 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,906 -Let me see it. -(SHUSHING) 403 00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,162 (DENIM WAILING) 404 00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:24,371 The fuck? 405 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,206 -Who trashed our room? -(SHUSHING) 406 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,459 -(DENIM CRYING) -BREE: You did, Sean! 407 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,628 SEAN: Where's my backwards hat? 408 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,839 (WHISPERING) My hat. I'm wearing it. 409 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,381 I'm wearing it. 410 00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,092 (BOTH CHUCKLING SOFTLY) 411 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:52,692 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 412 00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:01,868 So I'm thinking to myself, "Oh, God, what if I die here?" 413 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:05,204 Mmm. That was not lost on anyone. 414 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:09,249 Uh, let's pilfer a few sandwiches and make a gracious French exit. 415 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,751 Good idea. 416 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:17,675 Moira! Your Danny Boy. 417 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:18,926 What a voice. 418 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,469 -Oh, thank you. -ROLAND: Yeah. 419 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:23,222 I'd really like you to sing at my cousin's funeral. 420 00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:27,226 She's not dead, but she's been coughing a lot lately. 421 00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:30,104 Moira, before they close the coffin, 422 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,815 one more chorus for Carl? 423 00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:34,108 Please? 424 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,069 (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) 425 00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:37,486 (LAUGHTER) 426 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:40,698 Take your time, honey. 427 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,075 (MOIRA CLEARS THROAT) 428 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,746 (VOCALISING) 429 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,883 ♪ Danny 430 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,641 ♪ Boy 431 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:13,856 ♪ The pipes, the pipes are 432 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,694 ♪ Calling 28764

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