All language subtitles for S1E08 - Camikazi Kid

It all started when a time travel
experiment I was conducting...

went... a little caca.

In the blink of a cosmic clock,
I went from quantum physicist...

To air force test pilot,

which could have been fun
if I knew how to fly.

Fortunately, I had help...
an observer from the project named Al.

Unfortunately, Al's a hologram,
so all he can lend is moral support.

Anyway, here I am,
bouncing around in time,

putting things right
that once went wrong...

a sort of time-traveling Lone Ranger
with Al as my Tonto,

and I don't even need a mask.

Oh, boy.

If you're going to
quantum leap through time,

you have to be ready
to leap at a moment's notice...

to help your fellow traveler,

to be open to new friends,

to eat and leap.

And to expect... the unexpected.

Oh, my God, I'm a dork.

A dork with teeth that can
pick up radio transmissions.

Oh, boy.

From his driver's license,
I discovered...

I had leaped into one Cam Wilson,

a 17-year-old hot-rod jockey
who loved junk food...

and had the zits to prove it.

Maybe it had nothing to do
with the kid I replaced,

but I suddenly had this urge
for a burger and malt.

It's the Mom-mobile!

Hey.

Word is you got smeared
at the underpass.

Hey, shame we
weren't racing for pinks.

I could've wiped this eyesore
off the boulevard. Oh, yeah!

Hey, Bobby!
Hey, Bobby!

Hey, Bobby!
Hey, Bob-a-rino!

Bobby.
Bobby!

Hey, hey!
Hey, watch the car!

Cam, come here.

We got accepted to the Peace Corps!
Isn't that fantastic?

That's... That's, uh, great, Cheryl.

I can't believe we are going.
We are actually going.

Great.

Promise not to tell Mom
and Dad until I do, okay?

- You got it.
- That's right.

We are going to the middle of the
South Pacific to an island called Tonga.

I'm gonna help set up
a food cooperative,

and Bob is gonna teach
the natives new ways to fish.

Right. I'm bringing the beer.

Hey, hey!

Get a room. Bobby,
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby!

Oh, Bobby!

We're gonna go right after
the honeymoon.

First we're gonna take
a train up to San Francisco,

and then we're gonna take
a Peace Corps plane to Hawaii.

We've got to spend a month
at this training center on Oahu...

learning about the languages and
the customs on the Tonga Islands

before we can actually go there.

- Sounds great.
- Here's to Tonga.

- Hey!
- Boys aren't supposed to carry purses.

- Give it back!
- You guys, leave Jill alone!

Come on. Give me it!

- Come on, you guys. That's not nice!
- Give it back to me!

Just stop it!

When are you guys
gonna grow up, huh?

Instead of acting like
a bunch of JD's?

Ooh!

I'm sorry.

Just... They're always
chopping me down.

They're just insecure.

Repressing their sensitivities
and projecting their unconscious fears.

Really?

How do you know all that?

I took Psych 1.

Wow.
Don't you worry about it.

When you get a little bit older, the
Impalas would die to go out with you.

I wouldn't date
any of those weenies.

But I might go out with your brother. Cam?

Yes. He's pretty tough.

You can't pants
a guy with glasses.

He's right. Stop!

What glasses?
Hey!

He's not wearing any underwear.

Up. Go on, go on.

- Come on, Bob.
- No way. I'm not catching hell from Cheryl.

Let's go. To the Dumpster. To the Dumpster.

Get his shirt off.
His shirt's off. Okay.

Okay. On three.

One, two, three!

Two points.
Let's go.

Let's go!
Oh, yeah!

Nice dive, Sam.
See, I gave you a 9.5 on that dive.

I would've given you a 10, uh, except I got a
little Russian blood in me on my mother's side.

Let's go!

Do you want me to tell Cam?
No, don't you dare say a word.

All right! I'm coming!

Maybe just a hint, okay?
No, Cheryl, don't, please.

I'll be so embarrassed.

See you later.

You remind me of a stripper
I know in Vegas.

She starts out with
an empty TV shipping carton,

and then she ends up with a little
teeny-weeny Kleenex box right over...

Al. Look, I... I could
use a little help here.

What help? I can't help.
I'm a hologram.

Cam?

- Are you naked?
- Do the initials B.A. Mean anything to you?

Sort of.

The Impalas are such juveniles.

You know, all they're doing
is repressing their sensitivities...

and projecting their unconscious fears.

- Where are your glasses?
- They're around here.

They're around here somewhere.

Cam, did you get
pantsed because of me?

Oh, Cam!

Uh, excuse me, uh...

Ah, young love.
There's nothing like it.

How would you know?

What's this?
Your usual, silly.

Two Pinky burgers, a large order of fries,
a chocolate shake and a cherry Coke.

When you're finished,
I'll be back with your dessert.

Just put a cherry on top of your head. Al.

Al? What year is this?

1961.
Great.

The tail end of the most
immature period in history.

All the guys still drink malts,

drive hot rods and wear
butch wax in their hair.

And the girls all have pillow fights,

chat on the phone, blind dates
and get their panties raided.

Ah, those were the good old days.

Ooh, man, that looks good!

Want a bite?

Oh, sorry.
You're a hologram.

Oh, look at this mint '60 Corvette.

Did you ever notice that
girls never cuddle up to guys...

unless they're driving a fancy car?

I mean, you've never seen a woman throw
herself at a guy in a Rambler. Never!

You gonna let a car like that
rule your life?

Yes.

You know, maybe I'm here
to clear up this kid's complexion.

Looks like he's gonna die of terminal
acne. You're not here for Cam.

According to Ziggy,
there's an 82.6% chance...

you're here to keep Cheryl
from marrying Bob.

- But they look like the perfect couple.
- Yeah, but Ken and Barbie grow up.

Bob ends up selling
used cars for his father...

and getting arrested a lot of times
for drunken driving.

Cheryl?

She never made it to the Peace
Corps and never saw much of the world.

Ziggy's gotta be wrong.
She's bright and alive.

I can't see anything stopping
her. Evidently, Bob did.

He also appears
to have been a mean drunk.

He didn't hit her?

Well, let's just say she had...

more than her share of accidental falls.

What's the matter?

The first time my sister got married,
she was 17.

Guess she wanted to
get away from the farm.

He drank a lot,
and when he got drunk...

I'm sorry, Sam.

She was too afraid to leave,

too ashamed to tell anyone.

She was my sister... She is
my sister. I should've known.

Maybe I could've helped her.
Maybe I could've...

saved her from a lot of pain.

Yeah, but it...
it wasn't your fault.

Maybe not.

But if I can't stop Cheryl
from marrying Bob, it will be.

Why don't you tip a guy off when
your old man is pussy footing around?

Why'd you wanna come over
here for? What's up, Eddie?

Nothing.

I guess you haven't heard
about me going steady, huh?

You're going steady?
Sure. It's all over school.

Hey.
You going steady with a girl, Eddie?

Sure. Carolyn Schuster.

Carolyn Schuster?
Man, she's kind of pretty.

Well, sure she's pretty.
I ain't going steady with no owls.

What are you laughing at?

Oh, uh, nothing, Eddie.
Nothing at all.

- Uh, I just thought
something seemed funny.

Hey, kiddo.
Hiya, Dad.

Hey, what's wrong?
You can't take a punch anymore?

No, no, I just, uh...
I hurt this arm.

Oh, sorry, kid. Got ya! It's all...

Put the gloves on. Go out in
the backyard, huh? Dad. Dad.

That's okay. Dad, that's all right.
I'll just go into my room...

and just slam my head into the wall.

That's my boy.

Oh!

Your Mom's lookin' for you.

She's on the warpath.

That's my boy.

It's too early in the morning
to go look at girls.

Cameron!

Yeah?
I want to see you...

I- gotta change...
Now!

Uh, M-Mom?

Excuse me.

What is this?

- An old Playboy magazine.
- Old?

Miss May looks
pretty fresh to me.

Rosa found that wedged
behind your hamper.

She had a conniption fit.

She started crossing herself
and yammering in Spanish.

She sounded worse than
Scooter choking on a fur ball.

- Sorry.
- That's four cleaning ladies since October.

This one quits, mister, and
you're grounded for a year!

Okay.

- Where are you going?
- To my, uh, room?

- Well?
- Well, what?

- Where's my kiss?
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, you little sweet...

Oh, Cameron!

Oh, Cam!

Honey, your sister needs your help
with some errands tomorrow.

Would you stop by after
the bridal shower, about 3:00?

Okay, Mom.

Mom.

Is that Tab Hunter
sneaking at my door there?

Get in here, you little heartbreaker.

Sit down.

I know who's got a crush on you.

- Who?
- Jill.

Jill? Jill?

Oh, right. Last week you were
getting up the guts to ask her out,

and now you hardly
know her, huh?

Are you gonna bring her to the wedding?
I don't know. She's awful young.

Okay, what are you now, Mr. Mature?

She's only a year behind you.

What happened
to your shirt there?

Oh, that's...

This is great. If you had
worked on the campaign...

instead of the Nomad,
you could have met him too, you know.

Don't break it.

Remember that time you were leaping
around in that silly Zorro outfit of yours,

and you broke my
"Love Me Tender" record?

Well, that's what you get
for leaving it on the floor.

It was on my hope chest, Cam.

I'd let my fingernails
grow real long,

and I grabbed for you, and I
accidentally scratched your face.

Uh, yeah, mm-hmm. And then
you went straight to Mom.

At last you had visible evidence
of how I abused you.

I was so proud of those nails too.

Then Mom cut 'em all off.
Remember? I wanted to kill you.

Well, I'm glad you didn't.
Me too.

Strange,

now that I'll finally be doing
what I've always dreamed of...

It's a little scary.
How did you know?

Oh, I've had the feeling.

You're gonna do great.
You really think so?

I guarantee it.
Oh, what do you know?

Furthest you've ever been away
from home is the Pomona Hospital.

Oh, God!

Whoa. Thanks.

Oh, I'm so jittery lately.

Well, you know, uh,
leaving home, getting married.

You got a lot to be jittery about.
Yeah.

Maybe you ought a...

take it, you know,
one step at a time.

Wait to get married
until after the Peace Corps.

You know I can't. Bob won't
go unless we get married first.

Why?

He just won't.
I don't know.

Well, maybe he's not
the guy for you then.

What's wrong with Bob? For
starters, he drinks too much.

Cam, he's just celebrating
our wedding...

and graduating
and everything, that's all.

What if he never
stops celebrating?

He won't have
much a choice, will he?

There's not a whole lot
of liquor stores in Tonga.

If he goes to Tonga.
What do you mean by that?

Just a hunch.
I don't believe you.

One minute you think Bob is the greatest,
and the next, you're tearing him down.

Look, I just want
what's best for you.

It's too late for that, isn't it?

I'm getting married in three days.

Sometimes my Swiss cheese
memory plays funny tricks on me.

I knew from the sound of the engine
that the cam shaft had a flat lobe,

but I didn't have the
vaguest idea of where

the cam shaft was or how to remove it.

I felt like a newborn calf
walking around its mother,

knowing there was milk
there... somewhere.

I can't set the timing.

That's because there's
a flat lobe on the cam shaft.

The same problem we had
with that Olds last week.

Yeah, yeah, that old Olds.

Well, guess I'm gonna have to
pull the cam shaft.

You... You probably forgot.

I did not.

It's okay if you forgot. It's no... No, I didn't.

Show me.

Oh, Tina would look
good without that on.

Al.

Hi, Sam.
Oh, you've missed all the fun.

Check out this black number
in the Frederick's of Hollywood box.

I will not check that out.
What are you doing here?

I'm confirming that Ziggy's data
retrieval circuits are fully functional.

- What?
- You see,

he predicted that Cheryl's
lingerie party...

would start precisely at 2:07...

Pacific Daylight Time.

He was eight seconds off.

Al, you didn't stand in here...

and watch Cheryl trying
all this stuff on?

Well, you know, uh...

If you're gonna publish,
you gotta have data.

What are you gonna publish,
a lingerie catalogue?

That's a good idea, Sam.

I could do some inside research,
if you get my drift.

Yeah, I get your drift.
Wha-What else are you here for?

- Nothing.
- Nothing?

Nothing, no.

I thought lingerie was enough.

How many times have I told you

not to come in through the living
room with that grease all over you?

207.
That is not funny.

Sorry. Um, Mom, where's Cheryl?

Trying on Mrs. Thompson's
wedding dress.

Mom? Where's Mom?

Mom!

...Mom!

Mom!

What's going on?

Mom wanted me to wear
her wedding dress.

Bob made such a... big deal
out of my wearing his mother's.

I mean, what was I gonna say?

Whose do you want to wear?

I don't know, and I don't care.

Everybody's just driving me crazy
with what I should do.

I just can't wait to get
this thing over with.

- You want some help?
- I can do it!

Damn it!

Now can I help?

How'd you get these bruises
on your neck?

I fell.

Did Bob do it?
Don't be silly.

He did, didn't he?
No, he didn't.

Don't lie for him!
Drop it, Cam.

I can't. You're my sister.

Man, you look gorgeous.

It's bad luck to see me
in my wedding dress.

Hey, buddy.

What the hell is this?

You trying to make up for the bruise?

What are you talking about?
The bruise on Cheryl's neck.

You know, it's... it's the kind you get
when you grab somebody's neck like this.

Tell Cheryl I'll
pick her up at 6:00.

For the rehearsal.

And by the authority vested in me,
I now pronounce you man and wife.

Now you may kiss the bride.

Then you'll both walk down the
aisle and begin a wonderful life...

Yeah.

Full of joy and happiness.

I hope you haven't started yet.
Hey, Bill. Mrs. Bill.

- Where the hell have you been?
- Wheeling and dealing to pay for this party.

You're not gonna know
what to do the day of the wedding.

Sure I am. Drink heavily.

Hey, sorry, kid.
Had to close a deal.

Sold two units new,
one used.

Great! That's great!

My God, look at this
pretty little thing.

Boy, if Bob didn't see you first,
I'd sweep you up myself.

Let's eat.

I'm sorry, dear. He just started
celebrating a little early.

Like father, like s...

Do me a favor and punch me
somewhere else, okay?

Oh. Okay.

And she said,
"Of course you can.

That's where lawyers come from".

Leaping about in time, I've suffered
some humiliation and abuse.

But I can't recall
anything as horrible...

as being forced to sit
at the children's table.

All right. All right, everybody.

Listen up. First of all,

I'd like to thank...

the most important person here.

The wine waiter.

No, but seriously,

we're all here on this
very special occasion...

the marriage of my firstborn, Bob,

and his lovely bride, Cheryl.

So I'd like you all
to raise your glasses...

and join me in a toast...

to these two wonderful, wonderful...

wonderful kids.

May you have all the best.

Bobby!

Speaking for Cheryl and myself,

no one knows what
the future will bring us,

but I'm sure it's going to be filled
with lots of joy and happiness.

- Here's to my lovely bride.
- Yeah.

- May our love live forever and ever.
- Here, here.

Yeah, Bobby!

And now, I would like to present
my wedding gift to Cheryl.

- What is it?
- Open it.

Oh, my God!

It's a color TV.

I'd like to make a toast.

The Mom-mobile's
gonna make a speech!

I'd like to make a toast.

First, to my sister, Cheryl,

I just want you to know how proud
I am to have you as my big sister.

You're a person with
incredible strength and vision.

A person brave enough to answer
President Kennedy's call to...

"ask not what your country
can do for you,

but what you can do
for your country. "

I'm so proud of you for having
the courage to go out...

and make a difference in the lives
of people less fortunate than ourselves.

So, hum...

I'd also like to
make a toast to Bob.

I understand there's no electricity
on the island of Tonga and...

Well, thanks to your gift,
I'll be watching Bonanza in color.

That was an impressive
little speech, Sam.

I'm touched.

Al, I gotta find a way
to get her out of this wedding.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, check it out.
Hey.

Camikazi's lost it, man.
He's talking to himself.

Watch this.

- Oh, man.
- She won't listen to me.

I mean, she thinks of me
as her dorky little bro...

Food fight! Food fight!
I like food fights.

Well, some of the time,
not all of the time.

I think we should, uh,
go to the restroom.

But I don't have to go.

That was good.
It came down to the fact...

It started already, Al.

I found a bruise on Cheryl's neck, and when
I asked her about it, she said she fell.

I could never understand why women
cover up for monsters like that.

What are you gonna do?
I don't know.

I asked her to delay the wedding
until after the Peace Corps, but...

No go, huh?

Would you listen to me?

I see your point.

Hey, mister, who you talking to?

Uh,

I, uh... I was just...

I'm an actor, and I was just
kind of, you know, doing a scene.

Tweet, tweet, tweet-tweet

He rocks in the treetop
all the day long

Hopping and a-bopping
and a-singing his song

All the little birds
on Jaybird Street

Love to hear the robin
go tweet-tweet-tweet

Rocking robin
Tweet

Tweet, tweet
Rock-rock rocking robin

Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee

Go rocking robin 'cause you're
really gonna rock tonight

Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
I say rock

Every little swallow
Every chickadee

Every little bird
in the tall oak tree

The wise old owl
The big black crow

Flap their wings
singing go, bird, go

Rocking robin

Rock, rock, rocking robin
Tweet, tweet, tweet

Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Go rocking robin

Come on, Mikey. We gotta rehearse. Bye-bye.

- Nah.
- Hey, is that that new dance?

No, Dad.
The twist goes like this.

Hey, now, I can still
dance you off the floor.

Hey, Dad, take it easy.
Whoa.

You're not as young as you
used to be. Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

You're right about that. That's
why I took you for a partner, right?

Why, that dirty crumb!
Shh, shh, shh.

What "shh"?
They can't hear me.

Al, but...
They can't see me.

When are you gonna tell her?
After the honeymoon.

What about tonight?
I'm taking you into the business.

I'm buying you a house for a
wedding gift, and nobody knows it.

That ain't fair, son.
Dad, I understand.

But Cheryl's gonna go nuts when I tell
her we're not joining the Peace Corps.

Son, she's 22 years old.

She'll own her own house.

She's got a husband
who's a used car manager.

- What girl wouldn't go nuts?
- Dad she's hot about this Peace Corps thing.

- What about you?
- Me?

Teaching a bunch of headhunters
how to fly-fish? No way.

You know, your mother
wanted to go to college.

My getting her pregnant
with you fixed that.

Get the picture?
Yeah!

You know, normally I'm against
spreading men's room gossip.

But in this case...
It would be criminal not to.

Women were made to look at.
Impalas were made to drive.

- Tequila's made for shooting, so...
- See you on the other side.

Bobby, are we going
to the Peace Corps?

Yeah.

Then why did you accept
a job with your Dad?

- Who told you that?
- I did.

I overheard you and your dad
talking in the men's room.

Oh, hiding in the john
Apeeping pervert.

Is it true?

My dad offered me a partnership.

But I didn't want to spoil
the wedding for him, so...

I told him I'd think about it.

- That's a lie.
- Brat, I'm...

Hey, hey! Hey!

Unless you tell me the truth right now,
I'm canceling the wedding. Stop it.

The truth is...

that I'm gonna tell him no
after the wedding.

You gonna turn down the house
after the wedding too?

Go ahead and ruin that now.
That was supposed to be a surprise.

Come here.

Look, Dad got us a house,

and I thought we could
rent it while we're away.

That way we could have
a beautiful place to come back to,

a place to start a family.

- Honey.
- What?

Honey, I love you.

Cheryl, he has no intention
of joining the Peace Corps.

Little brother, I don't know
why you're acting like this.

I guess you think you're
helping out your sister here.

But you're way off base.

- Race him for pinks, Sam.
- What?

He said, "You're way off base," punk.

Hey, hey, hey!
Hey! Let him go. Let him go.

Cam here's just saying
what he thinks is right.

Cam, okay.
Now, that's enough.

Now, I believe him, okay?

Sam, race him for pinks.

I'll race you for pinks.

- What?
- Cam, don't be stupid.

Okay, I'm stupid. But I think
the Mom-mobile can take him.

Okay, um,

how about 3:00 pm. Tomorrow
afternoon... at the underpass?

What's so funny? I don't
think this is funny. It's...

Why am I racing for pinks?

I've been up against hot shots
like this Bob before.

As long as they're in control,
you can't shake 'em.

But if he loses to a hunk
of junk like the Mom-mobile,

I guarantee you that Cheryl will see...

the monster behind
that pretty boy mask.

- I think you're right.
- Of course I'm right.

There's one problem. Everybody knows
Bob has the fastest car on the boulevard.

- But he doesn't have nitrous oxide.
- Laughing gas?

Yeah, these guys don't
even know about it yet.

During the race, you shoot it into
the car's intake manifold,

and you get a huge
10-second burst of power.

- Ka-za-zoom!
- That's great.

Of course, if you inject
too much, you blow up.

- Blow up?
- Yeah, you know.

Big bang, fire, smoke.

- Are you sure this is gonna work?
- Positive.

Sort of.

Okay, come here.

Okay, I made the stopwatch
the on-off switch.

So pressing this button starts
the stopwatch and the laughing gas.

Sounds like we got a leak.

There it is. Hand me
that crescent wrench, Cam.

Here you go.

If this works the way you say,
it could be dangerous.

That's why we got the stopwatch.

More than ten seconds and...

This... This thing il blow up.

Here he is.

Didn't think you'd have
the "ganachos" to show.

Where's your pink, man?

Say bye-bye
to the Mom-mobile.

Hey, gonna miss not having
this wreck around anymore.

Where's Bob's pink?

I'll count off the seconds for you.

Out.

Kick butt.

Okay.

Hey, hey, hey,
where you going?

I'm gonna get out and watch.

The best seat in the house
is right here.

Okay. I'm not racing if Cheryl's in the car.

She's staying.
Let's go.

- No way.
- What, are you forfeiting?

You chicken to race alone?

Get out.
What?

I said, get out.

All right.

Kiss it good-bye, drip.

All right. Come on, come on,
come on, come on. Let's go!

Ready, get set, go!

Go!

Not yet!
You'll peak too soon!

- Al, I love you.
- Just drive.

Now!

Yeah!

- The Mom-mobile rules.
- I just don't believe it!

Wasn't that a kick in the butt?

Wow!

Cam, look out!

There's your car, pizza face!

You tried to kill him!
You tried to kill my little brother!

- What are you...
- I didn't, did I?

Let's go home, Cam.

Now, wait a minute, baby.
You're staying here with me!

The hell I will!

Don't you ever touch
my sister again.

Get him. Get him!

That was definitely
an uncool move.

Still scared?
Uh-huh.

But I'll get over it.
My little brother guaranteed it.

You saved my life.

No, no.
You saved yourself.

Coastliner for Santa Barbara,
San Luis Obispo, and San Francisco...

now boarding on track four.

I got a going-away present
for you in the courtyard.

A present?
But... you're the one going away.

Just go to the shoe-shine stand
in the courtyard, okay?

I love you, Cam.

I love you too.

I bless the day I found you

I want to stay around you

And so I beg you

Let it be me

Al.

Don't take this heaven from one

If you must cling to someone

Now and forever

Let it be me

Hi, Sammy.

Hello, Allie boy. Hey, look
what I picked up this morning.

The girl or the car?

Both.

I met her at the car auction.
She offered to wax my hood.

Well, she looks like
she does good work.

So tell me, Al.
What happened to Cheryl?

Oh, Cheryl, she's still in the Peace Corps.
She made it a lifetime commitment.

She's in Africa with her
husband at the moment,

and they're organizing a
food cooperative in Chad.

That's great.

So?
So... why haven't you leaped?

- Yeah.
- Cam?

I think maybe she's the reason.

Cheryl insisted
on the eyelashes.

Feels like they're gonna
fall off. They look great.

You look great.

You know,

I always wished... that you
would be my first real guy friend.

Your... first guy friend?

Well, yeah.

Well, the first one I didn't want
to sock or shoot with spitballs.

Are you trying to
tell me you never...

kissed anyone?

Sam?

Go ahead, do it.

What's wrong?
Sorry.

I just don't want to get
this stuff all over you.

Okay.

I'm ready.

And that you'll always

Let it be me

Oh, boy.

Subtitles: Thor