Original subtitles

I'm doing the right thing, right, Adam? Moving home?

Look, Sarah, you're doing the right thing.

I told you we don't have a choice. I'm out of money.

I want Daddy.

She openly prefers Joel. And it is fine.

So you're saying that you'll have a baby with me in three years?

Yep. CROSBY: Who's this?

That's Jabbar. He wanted to meet his dad.

ADAM: They weren't officially booked.

So, it's not going to go on their records.

It wasn't my weed.

KRISTINA: She thinks that he may have Asperger's.

Kristina, I've seen autistic kids.

The Lessings' kid, with the hand flapping.

There's something wrong with my son.

To Drew, and Amber, and my shining angel, Sarah, welcome home.

ALL: Welcome home! Here, here!

(FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)

(ANIMAL CHITTERING) He's back.

(SIGHS)

(HISSES)

(SCREAMS)

(POSSUM SCREECHING)

So, your mom said you wanted to know about your old man.

You know what, let's start with you. You married?

No. Hmm, okay.

You seeing anyone?

Mmm.

Mmm, keeping it loose, I gotcha.

You know, if you're having trouble meeting ladies, it could be your car.

What kind of car do you drive?

I don't have a car.

You don't? Hmm. You have your license, right?

License?

(CHUCKLES)

Um, those were my three kid jokes.

I'm all out of material.

Well, um...

Oh, there's Mom. Hi, Mom.

It's going great.

This is fun, though.

You like pancakes?

No, I like waffles better.

JULIA: Okay, let's move it, people.

Come on, I have a meeting, please.

SYDNEY: Dad said he could have tooken me.

Oh, sweetie, I want to drive you.

All right? We're bonding.

What the fu... Mom!

Fudge! Fudge, sweetie. Oh, my gosh.

Here, sweetheart. Let's see, backpack.

JULIA: Oh, yeah, please, by all means, take your time.

Go for it. I only have a meeting with a Supreme Court Judge. So...

Oh, yeah, sure, yeah, make sure she has her lunch box, great.

No, no, no, no, no. Are you kidding me? No.

Mommy, who are you talking to? No.

Sweetie, you can learn from this.

This is a bad person.

(SIGHS) We live in a nation of laws,

and when someone doesn't follow those laws, society breaks down.

(HORN HONKS)

(LAUGHS)

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

This is so great, so special.

It's your first day in a new place

and it's just gonna be all brand new

and different than the...

Mom, please. What are you doing?

I don't know, it was something I was trying. No?

All right, goodbye, I love you. Okay.

You can be the best! I believe in you! Just be you!

KRISTINA: Let's go, let's hit it. Hey, did you brush your teeth?

ADAM: Hey, Max!

I think he did.

Max! Max, we had a deal, remember?

Regular clothes to school, but the pirate costume at home. Okay?

I changed my mind. Well, I didn't. Okay?

So, I want you back in... Mom said.

Oh. Mom said. Honey, I'm sorry.

We don't have time to change, okay? I'm so... He was sad.

Well, he can't keep going to school like that, okay?

Kids are going to think he's a freak.

How's he going to make any friends?

Now, I knew kids like that when I was at school.

Once you're a freak, you're always a freak.

I get it. Believe me, I know. I deal with this every single day, okay?

I've tried bribing him, pleading with him,

the bugs, buying him bugs, and cookies, and food, and...

I'm sorry. Okay? Okay.

I just want to get him out of that thing, that's all.

I do, too.

I love you. I love you, too.

Oh, wait. Honey, you know, maybe the Lessings will have some ideas.

The Lessings. Is that tonight?

Yeah, it's tonight. I told you yesterday. They're really good people.

They have a son with Asperger's.

All right. Well, it's not dinner, is it? No.

You remember that time we went over there and they made dinner?

Yeah, like... They didn't preheat the oven

until we'd been there for like, three-and-a-half hours.

It was awful, I know. It was unconscionable.

I felt like I was being held captive.

I can't do that again. Honey, say goodbye.

Goodbye.

To your son. I know.

Goodbye, buddy, I love you. (KNOCKING ON CAR WINDOW)

I love you so much, babe. See you.

I love you, too.

Hey, you know, we don't even know for sure that he has Asperger's.

I know. He's not the Lessing kid.

I know.

That was terrific.

(JASMINE CLEARS THROAT)

So... It's been a while, Crosby.

Yeah, like, uh, five years and nine months awhile.

I guess.

I have... I hate to ask you this,

but, um, you're sure that he's mine, yeah?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I'm... I'm pretty sure.

You didn't have, like, relations with anyone else during that same period?

He's yours. Okay.

Well, hey, if you guys are in town again, you know, we should do this again.

Well, um... (CLEARS THROAT)

Actually, we moved back.

You... Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

'Cause in your e-mail you said that you were just coming to town.

Not that you had moved back with my kid.

Maybe you don't remember that I called you,

many times.

Crosby, Jabbar is starting to get to that age

where he's asking about his dad.

I would love it

if the two of you developed a relationship.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah, absolutely.

Maybe you guys can get together an afternoon this weekend?

This weekend? Yeah.

The one coming up, this weekend?

Yeah, that one. Yeah, um...

Man, that sounds really good, but, um,

I'm actually going out of town this weekend.

Oh.

What?

Nothing.

Hmm. Dad!

Well, honey, I mean, you didn't move all the way back to Berkeley

to serve up a bunch of whiskey sours to alcoholics.

You should be on the other side of that equation.

Okay, I should be an alcoholic?

No! No.

You should be an executive. (GASPS) Oh.

Come on, Zeek, leave her alone.

She loves bartending. Right, sweetie?

Yes, Mother, it completes me.

Well, never mind. You raised two kids on it.

SARAH: Mmm. CAMILLE: It's a good living.

You should be in advertising and PR.

I mean, come on, you did all of the marketing and design

for your ex-husband's band.

If he hadn't thrown his career in the toilet, he'd...

CAMILLE: Zeek, come on, leave her alone.

Sarah knows what she's capable of.

What's that supposed to mean?

Um, that you know yourself.

And my limits? (STUTTERING) I meant it in a good way.

Let me tell the two of you something,

it's not too late to learn some parenting skills, okay, both of you.

(LAUGHS) You can take a class, read a book.

Well, here's something. No, this is a good one.

"Assistant to creative executive at Pantheon Design.

"Someone understands the ad industry. Self-starter."

I mean that has got Sarah Braverman written all over it.

Get down there. Dad, I'm pretty sure

they're not looking for a 38-year-old single mom

who's been a bartender for 10 years.

They're looking for a brilliant designer, cheap. That's you. Submit.

SARAH: I can't do anything with you standing there.

Why not? Because you're hovering.

I'm not hovering. Yeah, you hover.

I don't hover. This is not hovering, I'm way over...

This is hovering, like this. Get going now.

(BELL RINGING)

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

AMBER: Excuse me.

Hey. Are you new?

Um, yeah. I just moved to town.

Amber Holt?

Yeah? I'm Principal Gomez.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Um...

Can we step outside for a second?

We've reviewed your transfer files from your previous school in Fresno,

which indicate you don't have enough credits to qualify as a junior.

What? We think you'll be more successful

starting here at Roosevelt as a sophomore.

You're... You're holding me back?

Well, I wouldn't look at it like that.

No. No.

I'm sorry. There's no way. Absolutely not.

I'm not gonna spend another year of my life here.

I can't be older than everybody else.

Look, please, please just give me a chance.

I'm really sorry, Amber. There's really no other choice here.

(SIGHS)

(DOOR CLOSES) ZEEK: Hey, Son.

Dad?

Bad time?

Never. Great.

So, how's the big re-org coming?

Well, Dad, they don't call it a re-org.

The company's expanding.

What do you need? Do you need some new sneakers?

No, I just came here to visit my son for no other reason than to visit my son.

You got these in a 12?

I will call the warehouse.

You remember the work that your sister, Sarah,

did for her ex-husband, Seth's, rock band?

Man, I hated that guy. Did you like him?

Well, that was a while ago.

Well, she did all the CD covers, Adam,

all the posters for the concerts.

Remember the one she did with the doves and the stars?

That was dynamite. Yeah.

Better than good. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Anyway, she and I went on this Chuck's List the other day.

Craig's List. Yeah.

So we saw this thing on the Pantheon Design website thingy

and I remembered that they did some work for you once, right?

Uh-huh. Yeah, the fellow's name is Edwin Chung.

You know him? No.

I reckon he's a Chinese fellow. I don't know him.

What would be great is if you'd call him on your sister's behalf,

your new friend Edwin, and, you know...

Dad, Pantheon is a huge house.

People are dying to work there.

Look, Sarah's been working in a bar the last 15 years.

Come on, Adam. She's your sister. I wouldn't want her to...

I mean, call, huh? What's the problem?

Okay. All right, I'll call him.

Good.

Anything else?

How's my grandson doing? What's the plan?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, sonny, you got to have a plan, kid.

You can do it. Uh-huh. Yeah.

It's just a plan.

Hey, let's get some shoes. Let's get some shoes.

JULIA: Hey, Joel, did you, um, pre-heat the oven?

'Cause we have to make cookies for the fundraiser.

Sydney?

Hello. Hi. You must be Julia!

JOEL: You're here! I live here.

This is Racquel! Hi.

Hi. Racquel is co-chairing the fundraiser with me.

Mmm-hmm. (STAMMERING) We're wrapping and we're baking.

Yeah, well, the school needs money.

And you know what gets hit first. It's the arts.

I mean, you know that the fourth and fifth grade orchestra program

is just the tip of the iceberg.

Wow.

Oh, the preservatives in those things are terrible.

Oh, yeah. No, normally I bake them from scratch.

Oh, yeah, we do a ton of baking around here.

We had a most amazing time making cookies. Didn't we, girls?

SYDNEY: Oh, yeah! HARMONY: They're delicious!

Mmm-hmm. Hi.

Hi! Oh, hey,

Joelskies tells me you're a lawyer.

Joelskies is correct.

Yeah, I am. Thanks. RACQUEL: That's great!

There's a dad in Mrs. Abramar's class who's a lawyer.

He sold 20 books of raffle tickets in one afternoon.

Here, I'm going to give you 10, you know, just to start out?

You know, I'm going to say hi to my daughter.

Oh, no, you know what, we're going.

No, come on, Harmony!

Honey, we're going. We're going to let Sydney see her mommy.

She hardly ever gets to see her.

Don't forget your worry beads, sweetheart.

We're Buddhists.

Here you go. Okay. We're going.

Joel. Oh. Hey.

You are so amazing.

Oh. Alrighty.

And, Sydney, sweetheart, I'll see you tomorrow.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Oh! (JOEL CHUCKLES)

I just said, "I love you" to her in Mandarin.

And she said, "I love you, too."

Aw, eat you up.

(CHUCKLES)

Alrighty, girls. ALL: Bye.

See ya, girls. RACQUEL: Bye.

Hey. Hi.

Your life is about to change forever.

It's all about accepting, not resisting.

If you put in the work, they'll do great.

Noel is doing fantastic. (NOEL GROWLS)

Well, Max hasn't even been diagnosed yet.

So we're not even sure if he has Asperger's. Mmm-mmm.

SUZE: Well, denial is very common.

So, what have you guys done so far?

Have you changed Max's diet yet?

Uh... We need to change his diet?

Oh, God, yes. Gluten free, no wheat, no sugar, no chemicals.

Casein-free, too. What's a casein?

I don't know. We have a nutritionist that you are gonna love.

Philly, get the cards. Okay.

Good. You're also gonna need an OT and a PT.

A PT? I don't know what a PT is.

A PT is a physical therapist. Oh.

Thank you, lover. Colored index cards. They're a life saver.

There is so much to keep track of.

SUZE: Oh, our entire lives are on these cards.

Red is diet. Yellow is therapies. Green is meds.

Blue is aides and respite. Don't forget about pink.

Oh, my God. Pink is our sex life.

If we didn't have a card for it,

it would go straight into the crapper with everything that's going on.

Hey, isn't it Tuesday? (LAUGHS) My God, he's an animal.

Um, eventually you're gonna need an in-house aide.

Oh, and a behaviorist.

A what? I don't... What's a behaviorist? I've never heard...

SUZE: A behavioral therapist. A great behavioral therapist will change Max's life.

Oh, they say Dr. Pelikan is the best, a miracle worker.

Behaviorist? (LOUD GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

PHIL: Mmm-hmm. So, uh, he works at changing behavior.

(STAMMERING) That could be good.

That could help Max maybe get out of his pirate costume?

Forget about Pelikan. Pelikan's a... Why?

Because no one gets in to see Pelikan. He's an elusive ass.

He's like the Bob Dylan of Autism.

Oh. You know what? I want to give this a shot.

I may have some connections. So, how do you spell that? P-E-L?

SUZE: Pelikan. BOTH: Like the bird.

But with a K.

PHIL: We made dinner. Stay for dinner.

Stay for dinner, we already made... Well, we didn't make it.

We haven't made it. Oh, no, really, we have to...

I gotta pre-heat the oven.

But it's gluten-free pasta. It's really good.

It's actually good. You should get used to it.

No. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. We really...

Nonsense. You're part of the family now. We're so...

Welcome. Welcome.

Welcome to the family.

We're happy to have you. Sit down!

Okay, I sent it.

Can you believe I got an interview?

(COMPUTER DINGS) That's fantastic. I got your e-mail.

Oh, and?

It's a little...

(STAMMERING) I thought I was being hot corporate. What do they want?

You need to go in there and say,

"Here I am. I'm the only one that could do this job."

Well, that's a lie. Everyone else could do this job but me.

I'm not even qualified.

Well, that's probably not the best attitude. You need to spin a little.

I can't spin. I lost my spin.

I don't know how to spin.

MALE ASSOCIATE: Great, thanks. May I spin?

Please. You're a great artist.

You've been unavailable for a while, so you're a find.

You've been doing other things.

Checking my ex-husband into rehab.

Now you're back in the East Bay

and you're ready to pick up where you left off.

To move in with my parents at an inappropriate age.

You're not helping.

I just can't see really getting this job.

They called you, didn't they?

I know.

That's the amazing thing. All I did was send my work and they called.

Well, that's because they see your talent. That's step one.

Step two is you look this guy in the eye and you say,

"I am going to blow your frigging mind."

(LAUGHS) That sounds good when you say it. Did you get that one?

I think we're in the wrong store.

Oh. Crap.

What do you think?

Okay, you don't like it. I have others, let me try them on.

Wait, no... No. No, no, no, no, Katie, Katie, listen. Um...

I don't know if it's going to work out this weekend.

What? I know...

(STAMMERING) What could have come up?

Well, it's kind of a big deal.

I don't know if I want to go into it right now.

Crosby, if you're back with that bimbo waitress,

Brandy, or that pseudo-activist... Okay, honey, honey.

...waify actress person. I'm not back with anyone.

Just tell me the truth.

Okay.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Okay.

(SIGHS)

We think Max has Asperger's.

What?

Adam and Kristina are just finding out about it

and I feel like I should stick around this weekend,

to be there for Adam and Kristina, and the little guy.

That's amazing to hear you talk like that.

You're going to be an amazing father one day.

Oh, come here. Mmm.

I totally understand if you need to postpone the weekend.

You know, it's not in stone, though.

And we should probably keep that option open.

(LAUGHS)

Did you know a cockroach can hold its breath for 40 minutes?

Fascinating.

All right, Max, I want you to put Charlie away.

It's dinner time.

A cockroach can live a month without its head.

Okay, seriously, I'm...

I don't have an appetite now. Haddie, it's fine.

It's not that big of a deal.

All right, you know what, Max, please eat your food.

Leave the cockroach alone. I don't like it.

Well, how do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?

It's not one of his foods. Hey, Max, sweetheart,

you know, maybe you could earn some TV time tonight by trying your food?

I get TV after dinner anyway.

If you don't eat your dinner then you won't get TV time.

KRISTINA: Sweetheart. MAX: That's not fair.

The rules are I get an hour of TV time after dinner. The book says we should

frame things through reward, not punishment.

Those are the rules... No, he's saying he already gets TV anyway.

That is my time for the TV. It's not fair.

Maybe you guys could give him extra time.

ADAM: Yeah, how about that, Max? I get my TV.

That's a good idea. How about

if you try your food, you'll get extra TV time. How much?

An hour. Five minutes.

What your mother said, five minutes. Forget it.

Per bite.

Two, three, four, five, six.

Seven, eight, nine, ten...

Eleven, twelve. That's an hour. Right? You said.

Yup.

Wait, Max, you have to sit down

until we're finished with our meal.

Why? I already earned my TV time.

(CHUCKLES) (SIGHS)

That worked out well. Shut up, sweetie.

I have e-mailed everyone I know looking for a connection with Dr. Pelikan.

It's like trying to meet the Pope.

There's got to be somebody else.

(FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)

(SIGHS) (POSSUM CHITTERS)

Arrogant son of a bitch!

(POSSUM SCREECHING)

What? I found this in the back.

And?

And, is it yours?

No. You sure?

Haddie! No!

I swear to God, if you're lying to us right now... Don't lie.

Do not lie to me, you are digging yourself a very, very, very deep hole.

It'd be the worst thing you could do.

You guys, this is not mine.

No? No!

No? 100%?

Yeah. Yeah. KRISTINA: Positive?

All right. (EXHALES) Okay.

But it feels good that you trust your daughter.

Sorry.

Yeah.

EDWIN: Wow, you did this in 1990?

SARAH: Yeah, you were probably in grade school.

Pre-school, actually.

Oh, wow, that's depressing.

For me, I mean, for me, not for you.

For you, look at you, it's... You're doing great.

Uh, so, what have you been doing all these years?

Well, I thought you might ask that.

Um, I've just been focusing on my family, I guess.

I have two kids. Oh.

No, that's wonderful. Not if you know them.

I'm just kidding, they're great. I love them.

(CHUCKLES) No, what I meant to say is,

that it's an honorable choice to choose your family over career.

Yeah, I just moved to Berkeley

and this might sound lame,

but I'm ready to make a fresh start.

And if you give me this chance,

I know I can blow your freaking mind.

(GAGS) My sister told me to say that.

That sounded so stupid, I'm really sorry.

That's okay, that's okay. Now, tell me about this. What am I looking at here?

Okay, so, um, my ex-husband was in a band,

and, uh, it was pretty successful and I started doing

all their posters and stuff.

And then I worked for another band

and word got out to some restaurants, so...

Right. Well, I gotta be honest with you, Sarah. Your work is phenomenal.

Wow. Really?

I love these. It's hip without trying to be hip.

It's fresh, fun.

Now, you saw the range that we're talking of for starting salary?

The money? Yeah, it would be fine.

Good, good. Um, you'll be reporting to me.

Is that going to be a problem?

Just in terms of the...

'Cause I'm so old? That I'm so young.

No, that I'm so old.

Oh, no, that's...

No, no, that's fine. I can take a note

from a whippersnapper like you.

I... No, it wouldn't be any problem.

Good, good, all right. That's good.

I really want this job.

(CHILDREN CHATTERING)

Hi. Hey, you're a hot mom.

(CHUCKLING)

Hi. Hi.

Oh. Where's Sydney?

Uh, she's not here. What?

She's on her way. She's in a car with Racquel and Harmony.

Racquel? Why?

Mandarin class ran over and they needed somebody to claim a table.

It's gonna be a pretty big group.

Oh.

Yes?

I moved three meetings and jockeyed through traffic

to have 21 minutes with my daughter and she's in a car with Racquel.

I'll text her. No,

she's an insane driver. Don't text her.

Oh, Julia.

She is. Oh, God, Jules,

I know you think Racquel is intense, and she is.

But she's a great mom.

Good. That's great to hear.

Considering. SYDNEY: Mommy!

Hi, Syd! Okay, I have 18 minutes.

I'm spending them with my daughter. Okay.

Hi, baby. Come here.

Hi! Hey.

RACQUEL: You missed the most amazing class. JOEL: Yeah?

So, you drove all the way from downtown to ask me this?

Could you just answer me?

No, it's not my pot.

Are you sure? Yeah. Well, hey,

you know, I haven't smoked that stuff in years.

And what the hell were you doing out in the middle of the night, weed-whacking?

I've got something in my house.

It's a possum, rat, raccoon,

I don't know, something.

Call an exterminator.

It's personal.

Personal? Yeah.

Every night, he's up on the roof making noise right above us.

And it just feels like it's deliberate, like he's mocking me.

I got to get rid of it. I got to get it out of the house, that's all.

Well, sonny, you know it could be something else.

Like what, a weasel? Weasel?

No, psychological, it could be...

It's not psychological. ...something you're manifesting.

I'm not manifesting anything. Okay?

Well, you're certainly kind of resistant to the idea.

Hey. Hey, Adam.

Perfect, Mom just made carrot cake.

Oh, good.

Psychological.

Pop, carrot cake?

Uh, yeah, maybe in a little bit.

Got a little more work to do.

Wouldn't want to help, would you?

Okay, yeah, earn it. Yeah.

Yeah, make sure you earn it. Yeah.

Did you ditch a bag of weed in my yard?

Are you crazy?

Just asking a question. Hmm, by the way,

I need you to cover for me with Katie.

I told her Max has Asperger's

and that's why I can't go away with her this weekend.

You used Max's Asperger's as an excuse?

Yeah, I'm double booked.

I'm supposed to go with Katie to this incredible spa in Napa,

and then Jasmine asked me if I can bond with Jabbar.

So you're deciding whether or not to go to some spa with Katie

or spend time with your son that you've met twice in your life.

If you saw the lingerie she bought for this trip,

you'd understand the dilemma.

Hey, jackass, you have a son, okay.

You need to man up, take care of your responsibilities.

Mmm, you comfortable up there on your high horse, looking down on me?

My life's complicated, Adam.

Mmm, listen, by the way, that guy that you e-mailed me about, Dr. Pelikan?

I got an in.

You? Yeah, me, I have an in.

Can you imagine? Katie's mom did him

at some new age retreat back in the '70s.

Slow down. What?

Katie's mom did him at Esalen in 1973. Uh-huh.

Okay? And this helps me how?

He has a cancellation this afternoon.

He has a cancellation today,

why did you wait so long to tell me about this?

Well, uh, sorry that I wanted to talk to you

for five seconds about my life.

I gotta go, okay. This guy's impossible to see, thank you.

Oh, great, thanks for your time.

It's really generous of you.

I don't want to go.

Look, Max, we're jumping over

an 18-month waiting list here, okay? We have to go.

Honey, he doesn't know what a waiting list is.

This guy's the Bob Dylan of Asperger's.

Bob Dylan never had a number one record. He's a genius.

Then how come he never had a number one hit record on Billboard?

The Beatles had 20 number one hit records. Uh-huh.

Michael Jackson had 13. The Bee Gees had nine.

Well, maybe try not to compare Bob Dylan to the Bee Gees.

And we have to go.

Hey, turn the TV back on.

We have to go, Max, come on. No way.

Okay, right now, we have to do this. No!

Max. Put your shoes on. Max!

Max! This guy can't help you unless we go.

Not that you need help. You need to go. Yes, he does.

Adam, I don't want him to think that he...

Kristina, we need to make this appointment, okay! I understand that.

Turn the TV back on. No way.

Hey. What? What?

Um, it was mine. The pot. It was mine.

Um...

I just couldn't sleep last night.

And I felt like I had to tell you.

So, a couple of friends and I chipped in.

But do not ask me who because I'm not going to tell you.

But, I thought it was stupid.

And I'm not going to do it again.

Okay?

Sorry for not being the girl that you thought I was.

Okay.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello? Sarah, hi. It's Edwin Chung. How are you?

Oh, hi, I'm good. How are you?

Good. Do you have a second?

Yeah, sure, that was really fun today.

Listen, I am so sorry, unfortunately, it's not going to work out.

Oh. Yeah, I think you're great. I do.

And I was fighting for you.

But my bosses just won't hire anyone without a college degree.

In any case, I wanted to call you personally

to let you know how sorry I am.

Right, sure.

Oh, and my bosses wanted me to make sure to thank your brother,

Adam Braverman, at T and S Footwear.

(STAMMERING) Yeah, but why did... Do you know him?

Yeah, that's why you were brought in. I thought you knew.

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, right, of course.

No, no, that's right, I forgot.

I will. I'll definitely say hi to him.

Thanks. Okay, thanks so much.

Bye-bye.

How was school?

Can we just go, please? Oh, God.

Can you just not give me this attitude? Not today.

Can you just drive the car, please? Yes, I can drive the car.

I just want to tell you...

Can we please not do this? Remind you that this is not a punishment.

All you do is be negative and complain...

Please, respect my opinion.

I don't want to do this. ...and get your cousin arrested.

Okay. Yeah, and that was my fault. It wasn't. I'm serious.

Listen to me, please! I didn't smoke pot.

And I didn't give any to her and I didn't encourage her to smoke it.

But you don't believe me, ever.

You didn't even listen. And as for this school,

I'm really glad that you sent me here because they're holding me back.

What? Yeah, I got held back.

I'm gonna have to do 10th grade all over again.

So, thanks a lot for making me go here.

What? What are you talking about?

They're making me do 10th grade over again

because they didn't like my transcripts from Fresno. Who is?

I don't know. I don't know. I just...

Who said that? I'm taking the bus.

Amber, come on.

(SIGHS)

PELIKAN: We're out of here.

MAX: Whoops.

PELIKAN: Well, Max did just great.

Max, how about you hang out here, play a little with the toys

and your mom and dad and I will go talk for a few minutes.

MAX: Okay. KRISTINA: Bye-bye, love. Kisses.

Well? Well,

Max is a wonderful boy.

He's smart. He's sweet. He is very intelligent.

Okay, Doctor, I'm sorry to interrupt, I don't want to be rude,

but we just want to know. I mean, does...

Do you think Max has Asperger's?

Max is very high functioning,

but I do find that Max's behaviors

are consistent with an Asperger's diagnosis.

Oh, my God.

All right, uh... This is fine. We're gonna...

Look, we can work through this.

This is not an insurmountable problem. No.

I think we should just tackle this one by one.

So, pirate costume...

I think getting him out of that thing is key.

Well, I'm happy to help with strategies for specific behaviors.

I think that we should start with more of a big picture conversation.

Okay. I'm better with practical stuff. Okay.

See, now I just want to... We gotta get moving on this. Adam.

What? Can you please just let him talk?

He's sorry. Thanks. Now, go for it.

Okay.

This isn't a prison sentence.

I know. So, how long is this going to take then?

How long will what take?

Just to get him through this, get him back on track.

Okay, unfortunately, there is no cure for Asperger's.

It is a syndrome that he will always have. Okay?

(STAMMERING) I don't understand.

Sorry, what are we supposed to do for him? I mean, I don't know.

You will help to uncover Max's gifts.

You figure out how he learns.

You get as much support for Max as possible.

Quite honestly, the research clearly shows

the greatest barometer of success for children with Asperger's

is their parents' involvement.

Uh, okay. All right, so,

just in case we can never see you again,

well, what do you suggest we do to get him out of the pirate costume?

So, the first step is not to wrench Max out of his comfort zone.

Okay, the first step is to join Max where he is.

And then, when he's ready,

you walk him into the world.

And now, for the main event of our evening,

I give you over to my incredible co-chair.

Does he clean up well, or what?

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Not only did Joel organize most of this event himself,

but he literally built the platform

that we are standing on right now with his own two big man hands.

(AUDIENCE WHOOPING) (APPLAUDING)

Who is this tramp?

Racquel. Are they, like, screwing?

No. What?

I'd like to correct Racquel. She is actually responsible

for doing virtually almost everything in getting tonight's event together.

So, let's hear it for Racquel.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

You know, before the platform collapses, could we get on with it?

That's my father-in-law, ladies and gentlemen.

CAMILLE: Down, boy. ZEEK: Why do you do that?

I'm actually not kidding.

Okay, we are going to start with the biggest auction item of the night.

The highest bidder will go home with a premium parking spot

at Sycamore for an entire year.

Aw, sweet, that's mine. Yes, it is. I want it. You and your child

will receive the VIP experience every morning starting tomorrow

for an entire school year at Sycamore Charter.

Aw. JULIA: Wow!

(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

Gorgeous.

So, who here is ready to pay $300 for VIP parking at Sycamore Charter?

$300 from the beautiful woman in the back with the boisterous family.

Do I hear $325? (WHOOPING)

MAN: Three twenty-five. Three twenty-five.

I have 325, do I hear 350? JULIA: Three-fifty.

Three-fifty. I have $350. Do I hear 400?

Do I have 400? Four hundred in the back.

Do I hear $450? MAN: Four-fifty.

$450. Who's going to give me five? WOMAN: Right here.

I have 500, let's go six.

Who's gonna give me six? $600? Six.

$600 over there. Six hundred, do I have 650?

I have $600, going once... Ah!

... going twice... Seven hundred.

$700! Seven, that's a...

Wow, that's a Sycamore Charter record right here.

$700 going once, going twice... Eight.

CROSBY: There we go! We got a cat fight. We got a cat fight.

Eight hundred smackeroos. Wow, that's...

Nine. $900!

Okay, it's on.

Make it a grand.

Oh! Live it, baby!

$1000, US.

Eleven. Twelve.

Fifteen! $1500.

$1500, wow!

What the hell is wrong with her?

I know, she doesn't even work.

ZEEK: She doesn't work?

Which is a valid, such a valid, wonderful choice,

(STAMMERING) that... You know, I did an extra month of maternity leave.

I took that.

Excellent. It's 1500 going once, going twice.

Let's make it 1920 in honor of the year women won the right to vote.

Solidarity.

Sold. Great, ladies, thank you so much.

That's a great way to start off the evening here.

CROSBY: I'm sorry, uh-oh.

You can see that from space.

I know. I know.

It's gonna take me months to work overtime paying that off.

At least you have a job.

Well, I heard your interview went well. Mmm-hmm.

I guess. I didn't get it.

JULIA: Really? What? Why?

And Adam, next time you help me, maybe you could let me know.

I actually thought I got that interview by myself,

and then I found out I didn't.

Listen, Sarah, Dad thought it would be a good idea.

Really, that's what you're using? What are you, 40?

And Dad thought it was a good idea. ADAM: Oh, hold on.

CROSBY: Oh, the gloves are off now. That's a terrible reason.

I was doing you a favor, okay?

Okay. Sorry I didn't tell you, all right?

Okay. Okay. I should have told you. I'm sorry.

Thank you. Hey, how did your meeting go with Max?

You... It's okay. You can tell them.

It's official. Max has Asperger's.

Hey.

CROSBY: Sorry about that. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Okay. All right, get off. You have a string on your tie.

You know, to make life even suckier,

our perfect daughter was hiding a bag of weed in the backyard.

Oh, wow. I am appalled.

As your lawyer, I would have advised you not to bring that

to the elementary school, where...

It happened to be in my pocket.

He was hunting a possum... Long story.

...while wearing a blazer and his underwear. That's weird.

Well, that's quite an image there. So, it was Haddie's?

Amber didn't lie? Amber told the truth.

I'm glad that this is such good news for you.

Amber told the truth. Haddie's smoking pot.

Well, Amber told me the truth.

That's happened like one other time.

How's it going, Crosby? ADAM: Hey, would you put that away?

What are you doing? Hey, look, man,

I'm just trying to figure out what kind of mischief my niece is up to, okay?

Oh. Hmm. It smells like Mexican mischief.

But it could be Humble mischief.

Do not light that. Do not...

Crosby, if you get me kicked out of this school,

I swear to God, I will take your skinny ass down.

Well, if you get booted, then maybe that ho won't try to raw dog your husband.

JULIA: I'm sorry, what? "Raw dog," is that a...

SARAH: I know. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

She was all, "Joel built this whole platform with his bare hands,"

like, you know, he's from the 1400s or something.

Okay, Joel would never. KRISTINA: He wouldn't.

Joel? Never, ever in a million years.

And you and she's... She's a tart.

ADAM: Forget that, sweetheart. Come on, put that out.

Now it's in safe hands, here we go. ADAM: Put it out.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. JULIA: Thanks for looking out.

Oh, Mama Bear's trying this old stew. What?

You got to put her on a shorter leash, my man.

Look at this. ADAM: You guys, this is still illegal.

You know that? JULIA: That's...

Still illegal. Kristina, would you put that out, please?

Come on, this is illegal.

I didn't do anything. CAMILLE: Where'd everybody go?

Oh, my God, Mom. It's Mom. (SHUSHING)

ADAM: Oh, great. Here comes Mom.

I turned away because I needed some air.

Ah, us too.

What's so funny? Nothing.

Mom, hi, Mommy.

Mom, you look so soft tonight. Ha!

(JULIA LAUGHING)

Oh, God, you guys, you're smoking dope in the schoolyard.

I was not smoking dope. CAMILLE: You idiots.

Mom, Adam's a chimney. We need to get him into a facility.

(ALL LAUGHING)

SARAH: Get him! Get him! KRISTINA: Run! Run!

I should have seen it. I should have caught it.

You were always concerned and I was always telling you it was okay.

You know what? I think this is good,

because if we can blame everything on you,

it's going to make everything better.

You think so? Yeah.

Kristina, I can deal with anything.

I can deal with disease, with illness, with a broken bone.

Give me something I can fix. But I just don't know how to deal with this.

This is for life.

No, Adam, just stop it. I mean, come on.

You only heard the bad part.

You didn't hear everything else that the doctor said.

Max is... He's smart, and he's beautiful,

and there's so much potential, and hope.

So what now?

We start to work.

Have a nice day.

Unfortunately, there's not much we can do.

I'm afraid Amber's transcript just doesn't justify

being in the 11th grade.

I know.

Her grades at Fresno totally sucked.

I can't argue with that.

The thing about Amber is...

The hidden secret about Amber is she's really smart.

She just hasn't gotten a break, you know.

She hasn't gotten the break that she deserves.

And that's my fault.

And I take responsibility for that.

But the reason I came here, the reason I moved my family here,

is to give her a chance to become more.

(SIGHS)

I know the last thing you want is another parent in here

asking for special treatment for their kid.

But I'm just afraid that if the first thing that happens to her here

is that she gets left back,

that she's just gonna shut down.

And the thing I want more than anything in the world

is for her not to shut down,

because I believe in her.

You don't know me. You don't know her.

So...

But I guess I'm asking for you to believe in her, too.

(INAUDIBLE)