Original subtitles

[distant siren wailing]

[buzzing]

- I'm still here.

[distant barking]

[chatter]

[rattling]

- I'm still here.

And so are you.

[somber music]

[dial tone]

[alarm beeping]

[water bubbling]

- So you're not going to tell me her name?

- Don't make it a big thing, mom.

- Well, she invited you to hang out.

- I know that.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Guess who just might have a girlfriend.

- I heard he's got two of them.

- I didn't say that. - Oh.

[laughter] - Oh my gosh.

You guys are annoying.

- Good nap?

- Yeah.

Weird dreams I still have this headache that won't go away.

- You think you should call out?

- No.

They're probably short staffed as it is.

Speaking of which, have you seen my ID anywhere?

- Yeah.

This is what happens now that you're only

volunteering twice a year.

- Why don't you give me a hard time a little bit more,

will you.

Guilt trip me.

Yeah.

[curious music]

What's he doing tonight?

- He said he's hanging out at a friend's house down the street.

- What about you?

You still going to do that work thing?

- I decided to ditch it and go to my sister's.

She's having her annual shindig.

- It's quite a hike, isn't it?

- I know.

I just feel like I owe her a visit.

Check out the invitation she sent.

- Julia's New Year's Eve bonanza.

Well, you-- you can't miss that.

- This came from your brother.

I was thinking of putting him on the fridge.

- Where are their sweaters?

- I think the sweaters are cute.

- Dad, did you get the Lakers tickets yet?

- Oh, shit.

No, not yet.

I'm still working on it.

- If you give me your card, I can order them

because they're going to sell out.

- No, no. I'm going to do it.

- Oh, I almost forgot.

I had coffee with Matt Chauvins yesterday.

He asked to read your book.

- It's-- it's really not that type of thing, you know?

- Well, he was thrilled to give you notes, so, sent it to him.

Is that a problem?

- No.

I mean, look.

It's-- he's just a big-time fiction writer, you know?

And you asked him to read my dumb little memoir.

- Wow.

OK, no more goodwill gestures from me.

- Appreciate it.

- [radio chatter].

[horns honking]

[radio chatter]

[radio fades out]

[train horn blares]

[line ringing]

- You've reached Andrew.

Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.

- Hey, big brother.

It's me.

Just calling to say happy new year.

I got those photos you sent.

Thanks for those.

Anyway, give me a call back.

Let's catch up.

[door clicks shut]

[phone rings]

[elevator dings]

- Because I'm at work right now.

You cannot just drop this on me last minute, Ty.

It's New Year's Eve.

Fine.

[phone rings]

No.

I just can't argue about it right now.

You know what?

I'll figure it out.

Steven, hi.

How are you? - Good.

- So good to see you.

- How are you?

- You know, same old, same old.

- I'm not interrupting, am I?

- No.

That was just my ex-husband dropping the ball again.

I actually have to go and get my kids.

He got his dates all messed up, and now it's

impossible to find a sitter.

Actually, I think it's just going

to be here most of the night.

Cindy's off at 11:00 - Oh.

Uh, OK.

- I'm so sorry, Steven.

I know it's a lot for one person, but I just--

- No. No, no, no.

It's fine. It's fine.

Go be with your kids. It's OK.

- You're a lifesaver. - Come on.

You're the hero.

I'm the one who sold out and went into private practice.

[laughter]

- Well, at least use my desk.

I do have the nice chair.

- Thank you.

All right.

[phone rings]

- Hello.

- Lifeline.

Hello?

- I don't want to talk about myself.

- OK.

I understand.

Hello?

[phone rings]

Lifeline.

Hello?

[muffled breathing]

It's-- it's OK if you're not ready to talk,

but can I get your name at least?

- Mary.

- Mary?

Hi, Mary.

I'm Steve.

- I don't really know how this works.

- Well, it's really whatever you feel like you need.

What made you call in this evening?

And there's no right answer to that.

- I don't want to feel like this.

I want it to be over.

But please, don't tell the police

where I am because they'll just--

- No, no, no. No.

No, no I won't. I promise.

This call is anonymous, so you don't

have to worry about that, OK?

OK?

I'd just like to talk a little bit about how you're feeling.

Did, uh-- did something happen at home tonight?

Maybe a fight with family, or--

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- Yeah?

Can you tell me a little bit about that?

[pencil scratching]

- Um, it's just my head.

It's been all over the place.

And no one I know gets it, so I got these pills.

- You have the pills with you now?

[somber music]

- Mm-hmm.

They're for sleep and depression.

But I figured if I take enough--

- Well, I'm really hoping you don't do that, Mary.

- There's no other way.

I don't have a choice.

- Wait.

Why do you say that?

- What?

- When you say that don't feel like you have a choice,

what do you mean by that?

- Mary, can you--

can you tell me where you are right now?

Are you at home?

- No, I'm in Palm Springs.

My husband rented a house here for the holidays.

- But he knows that you've been having a hard time?

- What?

- But he knows that you've been hurting?

Mary?

- I don't trust him.

He's the reason I'm--

- The the-- the reason that you--

you feel like hurting yourself?

- Yeah.

[ominous music]

He drove us out here because I was having problems.

There was a medication change I went through recently.

And I told him I was in therapy and he got really mad.

- How come?

- I don't think I can talk much longer.

- Why not?

Mary, is it because you're worried

about your husband finding out?

- Yeah.

- Has your husband ever hurt you?

- No.

But I'm afraid of him.

It's hard to explain.

- No, no.

I think I understand.

But I got to say, things, they sound really tense over there

tonight.

So I'd like to come up with a safe word,

or-- or phrase in case your husband comes home

and we're still talking.

- What do you mean? What is--

- It's just a way for you to let me

know that you're feeling unsafe so it

doesn't trigger your husband.

Can we do that?

- OK, fine.

Yeah.

- OK, great.

So the best thing to do is to pick

a word or a phrase that's really easy to bring up

in a conversation.

[horn honks in distance]

- Like, "he's so wonderful," or something?

- Yeah.

Yeah, that's great.

"He's so wonderful" works. That's great.

And you'll remember that, right?

Just in case?

- Yeah.

- OK.

- I don't know.

It feels really risky.

- Mary-- Mary, listen.

I just want to do whatever we can to--

- I should hang up. - No.

No, no, no. Mary.

Mary. Wait.

Wait. Are you still there?

If we can get you someplace safe tonight away from your husband,

OK, just until your therapist is available,

do you think that you could hold off on maybe taking those pills?

[tense music]

- I-- I don't know.

Maybe.

- Maybe?

Well, can you give me your address?

And I'd just feel better if we got you out of that situation,

away from him.

578 Flamingo Drive.

- 578 Flamingo Drive.

And you said you're in Palm Springs, right?

- Honestly, I think it'd be easier to just end it.

- Mary. Mary.

- It just keeps happening. [wailing]

- I know.

Listen, I understand, Mary.

I understand.

Listen.

But that would be--

that would be a really big mistake and one that you cannot

take back.

Do you understand that?

[tense music]

Mary?

[phone beeps]

Shit.

[unsettling music]

[horn wailing]

[radio chatter]

- --games are on the schedule.

The Cavaliers came up with a surprise.

[gentle music]

[phone rings]

- Lifeline.

How can I help you today?

[uneasy music]

[pencil scratching]

[phone rings]

- Lifeline.

[phone rings]

- And give that hot bath a try, OK?

Thank you.

Yeah, you too.

[phone rings]

Lifeline.

[sneezes]

- Sorry.

I'm sick.

- OK.

Well, that's OK, but this line is specifically

for mental health purposes, so.

- So, what?

- Well, if you, uh--

if you have a cold, then you should

talk to a doctor or someone more qualified than me.

No.

I mean, I also want to kill myself.

- OK.

That is something that we should talk about.

[coughing]

- Can you-- can you hold on a second?

- Sure.

[muffled laughter]

Listen, if this is a prank call, I'm going to hang up, OK?

[laughter]

- Julia, what are you two doing?

[line clicks]

[phone rings]

- Lifeline.

You all right?

[a/c whirrs]

[water splashes]

- You all right?

- Oh, yeah.

It's just a little coffee burn, thanks.

How's your night going?

- Pretty good.

Feels like it's been nonstop.

- Yeah.

I'm going to make a little coffee.

You want some? [phone ringing]

- Lifeline.

[coffee percolating]

[phone rings]

- Lifeline.

- Hi.

Uh, my wife, Mary, called a little while ago.

My name is Jason.

- OK.

Yeah, hi.

She, you know-- well, I'll let her explain.

She's right here.

- Hello?

- Hi, Mary.

It's Steven.

[tense music]

- Um, yeah.

I just wanted to call and-- and say, I was sorry about before.

My meds, they just make me think crazy thoughts.

And

- Mary, is your husband there with you right now?

- Uh-huh.

Yeah.

He's so wonderful.

[clock ticking]

- Well, thanks for letting me know

you're OK, and have a good rest of your night.

- Yeah.

Happy new year.

- You too.

[dial pad beeping]

[line trilling]

- Palm Springs Police department.

What's your emergency?

- Hi, my name is Steven Thomas and I'm a hotline responder

at the Lifeline Call Center.

There's a lady in your area at 578 Flamingo Drive

and I believe that there's a possible domestic violence

situation with her husband.

- All right.

Let me put you through to an officer on patrol.

Hang on.

[tense music]

[phone ringing]

- This is Officer Fredericks with the Palm Springs PD.

You're reporting a domestic violence case?

- Yes.

She's at 578 Flamingo Drive.

That's the address dispatch sent us.

Is there a number I can reach you at?

- Sure.

My cell is 717-555-6455.

- Great.

I'll give you a call back once we get eyes on her.

What was the name again?

- Mary.

I didn't get a last name.

- OK.

Well, we're on our way now.

- Great.

I appreciate it.

[eerie music]

[deep rumbling]

[glasses clinking]

[lights buzzing]

[water draining]

[phone rings]

Lifeline.

[light breathing]

- I'm going to kill myself.

- OK.

Can you tell me a little bit about why?

- It wouldn't make sense.

- Well, I'd like to try and understand.

I'm in no rush.

[ominous music]

Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?

- Like what?

- You-- you have a job?

You-- are you a student?

- I go to UCLA.

- Oh, yeah?

I went there.

I mean, a while ago, but.

Um, what's your name?

- Steven.

- Steven.

That's my name, too.

Where are you right now, Steven?

- In a motel.

[pencil scratches]

I bought a gun.

- I got to be honest with you, Steven.

Um, guns make me really nervous in this kind of situation.

Did you tell anyone else where you are?

- I-- I tried to tell my girlfriend,

but-- or ex-girlfriend, but we just got into a fight, so.

- I'm sorry to hear that.

What's your girlfriend's name?

[tense music]

- It's Vivian, but everybody calls her Viv.

- And you said your name is Steven?

- Yeah.

- What's your last name?

- Thomas.

- Thomas.

So you wouldn't happen to have gone to Woodrow Wilson High

School, did you?

- Yeah.

How did you know that?

[laughter]

- I'm going to put you on hold for just a second, all right?

[line trilling]

- Hello?

- Hey, it's me.

- Dad?

- Yeah, nice work with that prank call there.

- What?

- That was good.

You get your Mom in on that, too?

- Dad, I seriously have no idea what you're talking about.

[ominous music]

- This is the guy that called in claiming to be me,

you knew nothing about that?

- No.

[laughter]

And, Dad, it's really loud here right now, so--

- OK. All right.

Well, we'll talk about this later.

- OK, bye.

[droning music]

- Hey.

So-- so listen, buddy.

- You seriously just put me on hold?

I came here to blow my brains out

and you're too fucking busy-- - OK.

- --to stay on the phone with me?

- Hey, listen. Listen.

Listen. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that-- you're right.

That was wrong of me.

I apologize.

[sniffles]

- Whatever.

It doesn't matter.

It's happening no matter what, so.

- When you say it's happening, you mean--

- I mean, I'm going to kill myself.

I've already decided.

- But you haven't done it yet and that's a great thing.

- I told myself midnight.

- Is there a reason that you gave yourself a time?

- I don't know.

It helps when I have a goal, I guess.

[somber music]

- Well, you seem pretty determined.

Did you get the gun for this purpose?

- Yeah.

- It's either I use it on myself or on--

- On who?

[droning music]

- Doesn't matter.

I'm too much of a coward to do that.

He always knew that about me.

I only called because I don't want to be alone when I do it.

It said this hotline was anonymous,

so I figured if I told anyone else, they'd call the cops.

- Well, that's not going to happen with me.

But I got to be honest with you, this, uh--

this worries me, Steven.

- But you're not going to call them though, right?

'Cause if I hear one fucking siren--

- No, no.

I'm not going to call the cops.

I just want to keep talking to you, OK?

That's it.

Can we do that?

- Yeah.

- OK.

- As long as you know, it won't matter.

[clock ticking]

We can't change what's happening.

- What specifically do you feel like you can't change?

- I-- I just mean, generally.

I-- I feel like we all believe we're in control when we aren't.

- So you feel powerless?

- I don't feel, I am.

I am fucking powerless.

That's why I know nothing matters.

I know people say that all the time, but it's true.

It's, like, the only thing that's true.

[clock ticking]

- That nothing matters?

- We're all just talking to ourselves,

telling ourselves the same things over and over,

putting meaning into every little--

we're pretending to be people we aren't, all

of us, acting like everything's perfect and normal.

[ominous music]

- And what I did.

- What did you do?

- I mean, what I let that happen.

- Good boy.

- What did you let happen?

- Forget it.

- Steven.

- Once I do this, I'll be free.

I mean, it's all insane.

And if the whole world is insane, then--

then why is it insane to want to end my life?

- I think it would be tragic, but insane?

I don't know.

You see, there's a part of me that

can understand the feeling that the whole world is

rigged against us.

And no matter how hard we try, life just

keeps putting obstacles in our way, sometimes worse.

Sometimes things feel like they're

so bad that that it is too much for one person to take on.

Alone, at least.

[eerie atmospheric music]

But that's why you called in and I think that's great.

Steven?

You still with me?

[machine beeps]

[chatter]

[phone beeps]

[line trilling]

- Hi, this is Vivian.

Please leave a message.

[beep]

- Hey, it's me.

Just had a call that threw me for a loop.

Give me a call when you get it.

I love you.

[lights buzzing]

- OK.

I'm so sorry.

I know you're about to head out, but I

need to run down to the restroom downstairs.

Can you cover for me for just a sec?

- Yeah, sure.

- Thank you.

- Uh-huh.

[gentle music]

[ringtone plays]

- Hello? - Hi.

It's Officer Fredericks.

- Oh, yeah.

- This is my cell.

I just wanted to follow up.

We arrested the victim's husband you called in about, a Jason.

- Oh, OK.

And-- and how's Mary?

- She was worked up for sure.

And we had an ambulance take her to the hospital

since her head was injured pretty bad.

- Oh my goodness.

- But hey.

It's great you called.

Who knows how bad things could have

gotten if we hadn't showed up?

- Well, thank you.

- I'll give you a call this week since we'll

need a full statement.

- For sure.

- This is the best number to reach you at?

- Yes, it is.

- OK.

You have a good rest of your night, sir.

- You too.

Happy new year.

[elevator whirrs]

[doors grind shut]

[horn honks]

[police radio chatter] - Hey, there.

I'm just going to use your restroom really quick,

all right?

- Key's on the desk right there.

- Thank you.

[water splashing]

[muzak playing]

[high-pitched ringing]

- You never listen.

You never listen.

[crying]

Listen now, huh?

[piano plays]

[glasses shatter]

- You're going listen to me.

[woman crying]

- Yeah.

All right.

[door clicks open]

- What was that?

- Damn gunshot victim.

- Those doctors, there's a hospital nearby?

- Yeah, next door in the west tower.

I'll tell you, a bunch of strange happenings going on

in this plot.

Man.

You on eight, right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, you'll probably see me around here later.

- Graveyard shift for us, huh?

- Man, it gets lonely around here on New Year's Eve.

I tell you.

- But--

[lights buzzing]

- I don't believe this.

Is this happening upstairs, too?

- Yeah, there's something similar.

It must've been from that earthquake earlier.

- We had one?

- Yeah, you didn't feel it?

- I must have missed it.

- Hey. Thanks again.

- Oh. No problem.

Happy New Year.

- You too.

[ringtone plays]

- Andrew.

[horn honks]

- Hey, man.

Sorry, I just got your message.

- Yeah, no worries.

- Yeah.

It's crazy.

It's almost midnight here.

The boys somehow have more energy than me.

- Yeah, they look really big in the photos you sent.

- Yeah. Tell me about it.

- Hey, I--

I was meaning to call you earlier this week, you know?

It's-- it's just-- it's been a little.

- No, no, no.

I get it.

I get it.

It's weird.

I've been thinking about Mom and Dad recently and--

and I don't know.

It's-- It's like memories of them.

They're fading, you know?

Like, I can only remember them in bits and pieces now.

Sorry, I-- I don't know what I'm trying to say.

- No, I-- I get it.

It's the same for me.

It feels like it's easier to block things

out most of the time.

You know I've been thinking about it, too.

I mean, how can we not on a night like tonight, you know?

Do you remember that time when dad took Mom on that trip

and left us alone for the weekend

and didn't tell us where they were going or anything?

They just left.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I remember that.

[somber music]

[engine rumbles]

- You said something to me I've never forgotten.

- What if he kills her?

- I know they came back a few days later.

She was OK, but--

and then with me going so far away for college.

We've never talked about it, but I could have done more.

I know that.

Hey, Steve.

Hang on one sec.

Honey!

Boys.

[stammers]

I'm sorry, we're closing in on midnight here.

- Yeah, no.

I gotta run, too.

I'm at work, so.

- Hey, but let's find a time to talk more, you know,

when I'm not being used as a jungle gym.

- Yeah, for sure.

[energetic music]

- Hello? - Steven?

Hi.

It's Matt Chauvins, a colleague of your wife's.

- Yeah.

Hi, how are you?

- I'm good.

I'm good, I'm good.

Yourself?

- I'm great.

Um, funny.

I'm actually looking at your Wikipedia page.

[laughter]

- No kidding?

- Yeah, I-- I heard that Vivian sent my draft to you.

So sorry.

I just didn't expect to hear from you so soon.

- Well, good writers seek out other good writers

whenever they can.

- Hey, you're the professional.

I'm just a wannabe.

- Oh, please don't sell yourself short.

- Well, I-- I'll--

I'll admit, by the end of college,

I was dead set on either being a psychologist or a sci-fi writer,

so you know.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah, yeah.

It's going to be one or the other--

[building rumbles]

[lights clicking]

[glass breaking]

- Hello?

- Hi, sorry.

Did you-- did you feel that earthquake?

- No, no.

It must have not hit us here in the Valley.

Are you all right?

- Uh, yeah.

Yeah, all good.

- Good.

So I know it's New Year's Eve.

I hope I'm not interrupting

- No, not at the moment.

- Well, I had to call because honestly, I'm

reading this memoir and I'm on the edge of my seat.

I couldn't put it down.

- Really?

- That-- that means a lot.

- Yeah no.

It's gripping stuff.

I really can't wait to read the rest.

- Well, I figured it was more or less finished, page count-wise.

- Huh.

So I'm just going to give you my personal opinion.

You can take it, you can leave it, but--

- No, no.

Please, I-- I'd love the feedback.

- Well, it feels like you stopped short right

as things with your father start heating up.

[ominous music]

- Can I trust you?

- But the way you set everything up until this point,

the father-son dynamic, yeah.

I just figured there was more to explore with that relationship.

- With my father?

OK.

Because I don't think I really got into our relationship

until around chapter eight or so.

- Huh.

Vivian must have sent me an earlier manuscript.

This copy ends at chapter five.

- Oh.

I actually have the latest draft emailed to myself

and I can forward that to you right now.

- Yeah, that'd be great.

The writing is terrific.

And your teenage years? I mean--

[exhales]

It's harrowing, honestly.

Yeah I just end up sticking to sci-fi and political thrillers.

Maybe I'm too afraid of getting personal.

[phone beeps]

- Man, I'm sorry.

I've got to call you right back.

- Oh, OK.

Let's-- let's talk later.

- Hey, Viv.

- Hey, sorry.

I just got your message. - It's all right.

It's no problem.

- Have you talked to Jeff?

- Yeah, I talked to him about an hour ago.

He was still at the party.

Why?

- He hasn't responded to my text.

- Really?

- I mean, I know he's just down the street,

but I've been trying to check in.

Oh. Hang on.

He just texted.

He's saying he'll be home by 12:30 at the latest.

- You're great.

And how was your party?

- Ugh, I left early.

I'm actually on the road now.

- That much fun, huh?

- No, it was fine.

It was good to see Julia.

She spent at least an hour telling embarrassing stories

from when we were young.

How is everything on your end?

Your voicemail sounded--

- No.

I-- I think I just wanted to hear your voice, you know?

Conversation's tonight got me thinking.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- About what?

- Us, the past.

- Oh, not the past.

- Yeah, that little old thing.

[gentle music]

I just think there's things I've forgotten, you know?

Senior year of college and maybe before.

Tell me what you remember about us.

- About us?

Wow.

- Yeah.

Yeah, from the beginning.

- Well, I hope you haven't forgotten that much.

- No, I'm just in a reflective moment.

And I am writing a memoir, supposedly, anyway.

- Yeah.

That's true.

So?

- Well, we first met in psych class,

but I don't think we started dating until physics I think.

We ended up getting partnered together

for a final, that paper we wrote.

God, why do I always forget the name?

- The many worlds one?

- Yeah.

Yeah, that one.

- Which, by the way, I found that stashed at home earlier

today.

You kept that?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Probably just sentimental value, I guess.

- Yeah.

I hadn't thought about that till today.

- Yeah.

I don't know why I hold onto it.

I just felt like we got through some tough times that year, so.

But yeah, that-- that paper, it was

way above our heads when we were trying

to prove that parallel universes existed,

or-- or something like that.

I remember you had doubts.

- Yeah, that sounds like me.

[laughter]

- You got all philosophical that first night working

on the take-home, debating whether life was deterministic.

You had this relentless belief in free will.

And that, among other things, is why I fell in love with you.

- What do you mean by we--

we got through tough times that year?

- Well, you know.

I mean, I don't even want to think about it now, but--

- No, what?

- No.

It just-- it's hard to think about how close things

came to ending.

- What do you mean, "ending?"

- Just us.

Everything that day in the car.

It was a few weeks after you first told me about the scars

on your back, where they really came from.

- Go get our room.

[tense music]

- You were so afraid to talk about it back then.

[tempo increasing]

[smacks]

[grunts]

- No crying.

[smacks]

[grunts]

Quiet, Steven.

[unsettling music]

[line trilling]

[tone plays]

- The number you dialed is not in service.

[unsettling music]

[line trilling]

- Hello?

- Jeff?

- Sorry, man.

You got the wrong number. - Come on.

I know this is Jeff's number.

I'm his father.

[line trilling]

- Hey.

You've reached Tyler.

Leave a message.

[phone beeps]

[keys clacking]

[unsettling music]

- Just go.

[muffled rainfall]

[door clicks open]

[door slams shut]

[phone ringing]

- Lifeline.

- It's me again.

- Steven?

- Yeah.

- I'm glad you called back.

You're still in the motel?

- Yeah.

Do you believe in the afterlife?

[gentle music]

- Well, um, I'm not religious.

So in that sense, no.

- You know, as a kid, the idea of the afterlife scared me.

Even reincarnation.

- Why do you think?

- It's like that Greek myth of Sisyphus.

You know that one?

- Yeah, I do.

The guy that pushes the rock up the hill over and over.

- Sometimes I think that's all life

is, these endless cycles of pain that we all just accept.

I wanted to know that when we die, that it's just over.

Just blackness No more consciousness, no--

no more pain.

- And that's something you find comforting?

- Finality, yeah.

I hate the idea that there could be two possible outcomes.

Death just feels like it should be so definitive.

Like, it's the one thing you can't cheat.

- Well, I told you, I don't think it's a-- an insane thought

to contemplate death, or even think about taking your own

life. But--

[somber music]

I think with what you have going on, Steven, that this is--

- Stop.

- Stop what?

- Just get it--

get it through your fucking head that you're not

going to talk me down.

I'm not-- I'm not calling you to be fucking saved.

You should treat this like it's already happened.

- What's already happened?

- Yeah, because there's no stopping it.

I'm killing myself at midnight, like I said.

[shrill music]

But I agree, obviously, that it's not

insane to think about it.

It's insane if you don't think about killing yourself.

Honestly, I think everyone, every person on--

on Earth is just doing therapy with themselves constantly.

I mean, one part of our brain telling another part

not to kill ourselves, that there's some reason to keep--

- That's an interesting way of looking at life.

Maybe a little cynical, but I think it makes sense.

- I don't know.

It's so weird that I'm even doing this.

- What, calling in tonight?

- Yeah.

I've always hated to talk about myself to other people,

especially when I'm in a bad place.

- Well, I'm happy that you did, because I'm

a big believer in talking things out.

I think it helps.

You know, when I was younger, I think it was a lot like you,

and I didn't talk about anything.

Even my first girlfriend in college,

I never told her anything personal, was never vulnerable.

[muffled rain pattering]

- If you can't talk to me, then--

then I can't do this anymore.

- Then go.

- Steven.

- Just go.

- You know, I've taken a few psych classes,

so you don't have to bullshit me.

- I'm not.

- Yeah, you're just trying to bond with me.

I know how it works.

- Well, I'm sorry it came across that way,

but I do believe I can relate to what you're saying.

- How do you do it?

- Do what?

- I don't know, stay optimistic while taking calls

from people like me.

I mean, when you go home, what?

You just shut it off and forget about it?

- I wish it were that easy.

- So, what?

You get high or something?

- No.

[somber music]

Well, I have--

I have been known to finish off a bottle of wine

when I get home from time to time.

But, um, I'm lucky to have people in my life I can rely on.

- Yeah.

That's the thing about luck.

No one wants to talk about it.

- You really feel like you don't have anyone you can rely on?

- Not after what he's done to me.

- Your father?

[sighs]

- What?

You never, ever listen.

- Sorry. I'll listen.

No! [bangs]

[sobbing]

- You going to listen now?

- Please.

- Huh?

- Please.

I want to see Thomas, please.

[somber music]

- Your girlfriend.

Tell me more about her.

[eerie music]

Vivian's her name, you said, right?

- Yeah.

And we've been dating since we were sophomores, so

a couple of years.

I-- I always thought she was out of my league.

I was surprised when she asked me out.

- I know you said that you guys had a fight.

But she seems like someone you've confided in before,

or trusted.

- I-- I-- I told you, I--

I can't trust anyone.

[door creaks open]

Not after what he's done to me.

[ominous music]

[clock ticking]

Are you a father?

- I am, yeah.

- You seem like you'd be a good one.

I feel like that's rare.

- Can we talk about your dad for a minute?

'Cause he seems like a pretty hard guy to have for a parent.

- You could say that.

[uneasy music]

[gravel crunching]

- Did he abuse you?

[keys jangle]

- Yeah.

[door slams]

But he always disguised his love.

He's always with me.

His voice, I hear it even now.

I feel him hovering over me all the time.

Like, one day, he's telling me how proud he is of me, and--

[crying gently]

- And then what?

[ominous music]

- Fuck it.

It doesn't matter.

- No, it does.

It does matter.

What were you going to say?

- Nothing.

- Steven.

Steven, can we push back this deadline that you've set?

Can we do that?

- No.

I can't.

I can't just let him eat away at me little by little.

- Then let's talk about that a little bit more.

- No!

I-- I can't fucking think straight.

I just-- I just want you to fucking talk

about something else, man. - All right, then.

All-- all right. I'm sorry.

Then let's talk about something else.

We can talk about whatever you want, OK?

But there's one thing that I need to know, Steven.

[tense music]

Do you have the gun in your hand right now?

[eerie horn]

[line trilling]

- This is Officer Fredericks.

- Hey, Steven.

I know that you're all alone in a motel

and you're sounding really depressed.

And you told me that you have a gun.

I know that you're in the Red Palm Motel.

- I didn't tell you that.

- Yes, you did.

- How did you--

- You told me that.

You told me where you--

I just forgot the room. - No, I didn't--

- I just forgot the room. Just tell me the room.

- I didn't tell you--

I didn't tell you my room number either.

- Steven, I don't want you to die.

Can you just tell me where you are?

Please, just so I know.

[tense music]

- It's room 15, all right?

[door creaks]

[door clicks shut]

But I told you, if you call the cops--

- I know. I know.

If you hear any sirens, you're going to kill yourself.

And I don't want that, Steven.

But I was thinking, what if I came?

Not the cops, just me.

It'll take me a little bit to drive out there,

but I can be there. - No.

No. No.

There's no time. Just stop, OK?

Just stop. - OK.

Then-- then-- then just it's important for me

to know where you are, OK?

And I'm just confirming.

You said the Red Palm Motel, room 15, correct?

- Why-- why do you keep asking me what I said

- I'm sorry.

You're right.

I won't ask again, OK?

[shrill music]

[clock ticking rapidly]

- Tell me a story.

- A story?

- One from when you were a kid.

That's the only good memory I have of my dad.

He'd read to me when I was little.

He really enjoyed that for some reason.

- Steven.

Hey, Steven.

- I have to do it.

I'm sorry. - No, no.

Hold on. Hold on.

I know it's really hard right now,

but I need you to stick with me for just a little longer, OK?

Because I really think that I fully understand what

you're going through. - You couldn't.

- No, I do.

- No.

- No, I do.

Your father.

I know.

I know everything.

Your mother, I know her, too.

- What?

[clock ticking]

[unsettling music]

- I know what happened to her.

And now you blame yourself.

- I don't--

How do you--

- I just know, Steven.

- No, you can't.

You can't.

No one does.

He--

- He covered it up, and he forced you to lie.

[clock ticking]

- Going to have to tell the police what happened.

[somber music]

Can I trust you?

- And then when she was gone and your brother went away

to college, he turned to you.

He started hurting you.

He made you powerless.

But you're not, Steven.

- Yes, I am.

I told you, we all are.

- It's not your fault. You did everything

you could to protect your mom, especially for being a kid.

And everything your father did to you, I know the effects

it had on you.

We can protect you from him.

We can fix this without--

you don't have to do this, Steven.

- How do you know all this about me?

Is it possible--

- I know it's strange.

I know it's strange, but I'm here to tell you there's hope.

And no matter how bad you're feeling right now,

those feelings, they're survivable.

And I know that because I've seen it, Steven.

I've seen it.

- I can't--

I can't.

- Yeah, you can.

- I'm sorry.

- No.

Just stay with me.

It's easy.

Just stay.

[somber music]

Steven, are you here?

- I have to.

- No, you don't.

- I'm sorry.

- Because you have a future, I promise you.

I promise you that there's a future with people who love you.

I promise you, Steven, these people are--

[gun shot]

[rumbling]

[banging]

[creaking]

- Hello?

- Hi, yeah.

- Hey.

Just wanted to stay on the line to confirm.

You've got a potential suicide victim at The Red Palm

is what it sounded like.

Room 15, right?

- Yes, room 15. But hurry.

I think it's--

- I'm already on my way.

I'm only a minute out, so I'll call you back.

- Thank you.

[phone beeps]

[tense music]

What?

[ringtone playing]

[phone beeps]

Hello?

- Yeah, hi.

So nothing here at The Red Palm.

Actually, the hotel manager says no one's

checked in at all tonight.

[ominous music]

- What?

- But a sort of a weird thing.

I found a bullet hole in the wall of the bathroom in room 15.

- You did?

- Yeah.

I mean, I can't tell if that's what it is for sure,

or how recent it is, but it looks old if I had to guess.

- Um, thank you for your help.

I-- I guess I don't--

thank you.

[door clicks shut]

[humming]

[eerie music]

[door clicks shut]

[footsteps descending]

Hey!

[door clicks shut]

Hey!

[droning music]

[door creaks]

Hello?

Hello?

[droning intensifies]

[doorknob clicking]

[banging]

Hello?

- Hey.

You're not authorized to be on this floor, are you?

- No. I--

- Come on, man.

I like you.

I don't want to have to report you.

[droning subsides]

- There's something going on in that lab.

- Looked pretty dead to me.

[tense music]

[elevator dings]

- Eight, right?

- Yeah.

You said there's a hospital in the west tower?

- Mm-hmm.

- What's the name of it?

- Not again.

[elevator dings]

[distant sirens wailing]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

- Hey.

I'm so sorry.

I just realized my sister and her friend,

they prank called this number earlier tonight.

And when I realized it was-- [muffled laughter]

- Julia, no.

Come on, you said you'd apologize.

Julia. - Wait.

- I--

- Wait, your-- wait your sister's named Julia?

Your younger sister?

- Yeah, she's-- sorry.

You know, she's a little young.

- And you're Vivian?

[ominous music]

- Yeah.

How did you know that?

- It's January 1, 2009 where you're at, right?

Just past midnight?

- Yeah.

- I need to tell you something about Steven Thomas.

- You know Steven?

- Yeah, it's a long story.

But listen, right now, I need you

to go to Saint Jude's hospital in Palm Springs, OK?

Do you have a car?

- Uh, yeah.

But what's going on?

- Steven tried to kill himself tonight.

And I don't know if he's going to make it.

- Uh, OK. - OK?

- OK.

I'm-- I'm-- I'm--

I'm going now.

Wait, are you the person he said he talked to earlier tonight?

- I don't know. Did he--

- He said he tried calling someone,

but that he kept hanging up.

He wasn't really making sense.

But anyway, whoever you are, thank you.

[gentle music]

[phone beeps]

- He tried to call.

[distant sirens wailing]

[muffled laughter]

[chatter]

[distant siren wailing]

[floor creaking]

[unsettling music]

[faucet clicks]

[water runs]

[buttons beeping]

[phone ringing]

- Lifeline.

[phone clicks]

[water running]

[tense music]

[buttons beeping]

[phone ringing]

- Lifeline.

Can I get your name?

- Steven.

I don't want to talk about myself.

I just need a distraction.

I don't know.

I-- maybe you can just talk about yourself or something?

- OK.

I understand.

Sure.

Well, my name is Steven, too, actually.

Steven Jefferson.

And your last name is?

- Thomas.

- Gotcha.

Well, that's funny.

Both of our names together make up one whole former president.

Sorry, I only-- I only tell bad jokes.

[gentle music]

[pencil scratching]

- Do you have a family?

- I do, yeah.

I have a wife and a son.

My-- my son's about to turn 14 next month, actually.

[gun clicks]

And he's a big Lakers fan.

[pencil scratching]

My wife thinks he has a girlfriend,

but he's too shy to talk to me about that stuff.

And so recently, I've only been volunteering

a few times a year, uh, ever since I

went into private practice.

And I was told that writing a memoir

would be a good therapeutic exercise.

[keyboard clacking]

So I'm about five chapters deep in right now.

[shrill music]

[distant alarm wailing]

[pencil scratching]

- Tell me a story.

[frantic music]

[gun shot]

[water draining]

[lights flickering]

[machine beeping]

[machine beeping rhythmically]

[light buzzes]

- I can't take any more of these seizures.

[muffled conversation]

[electrical whining]

- Let's induce hypothermia again to reduce the brain swelling.

- Clear!

[rumbling]

[glass breaking]

- Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

[machine beeping rapidly]

[rumbling]

- Do you ever see a future between us?

[machine beeping rapidly]

- Steven.

- Steven, look at--

- Just go.

[somber piano]

- I'm alive.

I'm alive.

- OK Stay with us, Steven.

[electrical whining]

We're losing him.

Clear!

[rumbling]

[furniture crashing]

[glass breaking]

[machine beeping rapidly]

- Alive.

I'm alive.

I'm alive.

I'm alive.

[beeping fades]

[machine beeping rhythmically]

- You know his odds aren't good.

[machine beeping rhythmically]

[ventilator whirring]

And even if he does make it, I--

I can't stand to see him like this.

I need to go on a walk.

- Andrew.

- I'm sorry.

Hi,

[beeping continues]

[gentle music]

[baby wails]

- Hi, Mary.

How you doing?

- OK, I guess.

- So your concussion symptoms were pretty mild,

but we're still going to want to keep you overnight, OK?

- Also, there's a detective here that

would like to speak with you.

[baby wails]

[phone ringing]

- Mary, hi.

I'm Detective Fredericks with the Palm Springs Police.

I'd like to get more background about your husband, Jason.

[triumphant music]

- Yeah, that's fine.

Thanks.

- Hey, Loretta.

[phone rings]

- Hello?

- Dr. Williams?

- No, I-- I can't.

I can't get a sitter that fast. - Dr. Williams, I'm sorry.

It's very urgent. - Come on.

You're just not telling me this?

- I just have to show you one thing.

- I gotta call you back.

- It's just going to be really quick.

All right, so the patient in 204, he was just--

[speech fades]

[baby wails]

[man humming]

[machine beeping]

[ventilator hissing]

- They told me it's not likely you'll wake up.

I don't believe it.

I know you.

When you do, we're going to talk more, OK?

We're not going to hide things.

I'm scared though, Steven.

But I'm still here.

And so are you.

[somber music]

[phone buzzes]

[ringtone plays]

[machine beeping]

[beeping stops]

[somber music]