Original subtitles

So, this is it, this is the Black Sea.

Finally, we've arrived here, at the mouth of the Danube.

This great ribbon of life through the continent.

It's been utterly, utterly brilliant.

'Now, let me take you back to the beginning...

'..up nearly 2,000 miles of river.'

Look at them, aren't they fantastic?

'Through vast landscapes...'

I should have offered to carry your backpack at least, couldn't I?

'..and beautiful cities.'

It's fabulous!

This is out of this world.

'The Danube is a unique journey...'

You touch my heart so much.

'...through the heart of Europe.'

This is the most poignant little memorial I've ever seen.

'An unforgettable adventure across a continent.'

Dracula's castle!

Ya-hey-hey!

Prost.

'And it all starts a world away from the Black Sea -

'in southern Germany, beneath the pines of the Black Forest...'

Fabulous!

'..where Europe is divided in two.'

Do you know, it's so slight that your eye could hardly see it, but...

we're on a slight ridge here, and the land falls away at each side.

If a raindrop fell on that side, on my right hand,

it would tumble down the hill and join the great Rhine river

and travel on into the North Sea.

If, however, a raindrop fell on this side, on my left-hand side,

it would go down, down, down and join the Danube

and travel, travel, travel and get into the Black Sea,

because this gentle little pinnacle here is the European watershed.

Just remember that, and think of me here.

The European watershed.

'A few metres below this continental divide, the Danube reveals itself.'

I know, a little bit unexpected.

But this is Danuvius,

who's a Celtic Roman river deity, terribly handsome,

and he's here guarding the source of the Danube.

This is the river that has carried goods and people up and down.

It's had wars fought over it. It's created boundaries.

And to be here at the beginning of this journey,

it's just completely dazzling.

This is where it comes gushing out of the rock.

They'll pay masses for that in shops.

Full of the fresh Danube. Take that with me.

Thank you, River God.

DEEP VOICE: That's OK.

Wonderful. Gods are so polite.

The Danube is the most international river in the world,

flowing through, or along the borders of, ten countries.

On this leg of my journey,

I'll be following it along its first 600 miles

through Germany and Austria.

Just down the road from the Danube's source is Triberg -

a town whose most famous export

is often wrongly associated with Germany's neighbour.

CUCKOO CALLS

In the film The Third Man,

Orson Welles' character, Harry Lime, said,

"In Italy, for 30 years, under the Borgias,

"they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed.

"But they also had Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci

"and the Renaissance.

"In Switzerland, they had brotherly love for 500 years,

"democracy and peace, and what did that produce?

"The cuckoo clock."

Orson, no! Orson, wrong.

The cuckoo clock comes from the Black Forest, here in Germany.

MUSIC: 'Theme From The Third Man' by Anton Karas

CUCKOO CALLS

I adore cuckoo clocks!

CUCKOO CALLS

The first cuckoo clocks were made here in the 1600s

by farmers whiling away the long winter nights.

The sort of craftsmanship I absolutely adore.

SHE GASPS

You see, this is my workshop.

Gerhard!

'Gerhard Schmieder has been crafting

'his magical Black Forest cuckoo clocks for nearly 50 years.'

This one is a very special one here.

This is real mushrooms. Gee whizz. From the forest?

Yes, from the Black Forest here. Oh, it's exquisite.

And here are the two bellows that makes a cuckoo sound.

BELLOWS WHISTLE

Like a whistle? Exactly.

CUCKOO CHIMES, THEY CHUCKLE

'Gerhard's clocks take up to three months to make

'and can measure as much as five metres in height.'

Most extraordinary thing is to see, literally minutes ago,

a block of wood with Gerhard's magical skills.

And here we are,

we're seeing in front of us a beautiful fir tree just emerging.

It's just delicious.

It looks like cutting fudge,

but of course, it's fantastically skilful.

CUCKOO CHIMES

Lothar, what time do you call this?

A couple of hours downstream from the Black Forest

is the Danube Gorge.

It's one of the most beautiful parts of the whole river,

but the sense of time-keeping here

isn't quite up to Black Forest's standards.

I'm waiting here for Lothar the fisherman.

He's not fishing today.

He's coming in his boat to bring me and to show me the Danube.

He said he'd meet me here.

He said, "Meet me on the beach." I think this is the beach.

It's quite lovely to see the river here.

It seems to be gathering pace.

Talk about moving along. It really, really is.

SHE GASPS Look.

MUSIC: 'River Man' by Nick Drake

Lothar.

Hello. Hello.

Thank you so much.

This is my first time on the Danube.

First time. HE CHUCKLES

The Danube Gorge is spectacular -

four miles long with cliffs up to 80 metres high.

Look at this towering over us.

150 million years ago,

this part of Germany was covered by a sub-tropical sea,

rich in sponge and coral reefs.

When the sea bed was pushed up,

these reefs formed a bedrock of limestone,

which, over thousands of years,

the Danube has carved its way through.

'Lothar is one of the last traditional fishermen

'working on the German Danube.'

Lothar, have you always lived here? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And your parents?

Oh, wow. And they...?

THEY LAUGH

How did they meet?

Did they go on boats? Or how...? No, no, my...

Yeah. Pretty gorgeous.

Cool ferry man, yeah. "Wanna get in my boat?" "Sure."

All the way along it,

the Danube has regular markers showing the distance to the end -

if you can spot them.

2418.8km from the Black Sea.

That's about 1,450 miles, I think, give or take a yard or two.

Wow.

Running right through the centre of Europe,

the Danube's story has always been

one of trade, boundaries, and conflict.

This part of the river has played its own absolutely pivotal role

in European history.

In fact, some of the defining events

that led to the creation of Germany as we know it today

took place right here.

SHE GASPS Look, how extraordinary.

This is the extraordinary story of this beautiful...

It's called Liberation, the Hall of Liberation.

And in 1813 to about 1815,

when the Napoleonic forces were attacking this area,

Germany wasn't Germany.

It was just a series of different regions and principalities.

But 18 of these brave tribes united to repulse Napoleon.

And now good old King Ludwig built this colossal statement

to say, "Here was bravery on a scale we've never seen."

And it came through unity.

It probably sowed the seeds of Germany,

because Germany only became a unified country in 1871.

Isn't that odd?

Because I always thought of Germany as being there forever. Fascinating.

Modern-day Germany has 16 states,

and the Danube flows through its largest, Bavaria,

for over 250 miles.

Bavaria's always had a strong identity -

bordered by the Alps, dotted with fairy tale castles,

and, for centuries, staunchly Catholic.

These days, the hold the church has over life here is slipping.

But a group of nuns is finding ways to adapt.

I'm interested in this

because I went to a convent school in England.

This is a Catholic convent, mine was Anglican.

But eventually,

our lovely community of nuns dwindled, dwindled, dwindled,

because young ones simply weren't coming in to become nuns any more.

Mallersdorf Abbey, in one form or another,

has stood here on a tributary of the Danube since 1107.

This vast complex was once home to 4,000 sisters.

'The nuns that remain today...'

'..are headed up by Sister Romana Zistler.'

Good morning. How lovely to meet you.

Look at this.

Isn't this lovely?

120, yeah.

'While the community here

'is a fraction of the size it once was...'

Muffins, cupcakes. Oh, my gosh.

'..Sister Romana wants to show me

'how the nuns' self-sufficiency and hard work

'are helping them survive.'

'The sisters make all their own bread.

'Today, they're making fruit bread for Easter.'

How beautiful. So, it's got raisins and citrus fruit and orange peel.

Beautiful.

Is that right?

Mmm.

This is delicious.

'The bakery isn't the only highly industrious part of the Abbey.

'Since 1881, the nuns of Mallesdorf have run their very own brewery.

'They make and bottle

'an astonishing 600,000 bottles of beer every year...

'..which for decades has helped them fund their charity work.'

To see this whole thing of empty bottles filled up with beer,

joggled round, coming round, caps on first, then labels on,

then being picked up, put into the thing.

Fantastic.

'The master brewer here, Sister Doris,

'is thought to be the last of her kind in Europe.

'For nearly 60 years,

'she's run this operation with almost religious precision,

'until now.'

They're so hard to do! SISTER DORIS LAUGHS

My feeble, tiny fingers. This is awful.

Yes. I must learn.

She's completely merciless, Sister Doris.

This is where it goes wrong!

THEY LAUGH

'Sister Doris wants me to taste her Helles lager -

'and it's not every day a nun invites you for a drink.'

Shall I open? Yes?

I'm obviously rather skilled at this, as you've seen.

Oh, look. That's you! Yes.

So...

My father taught me to pour beer when I was very young.

To pour sideways, like this.

You must drink our beer from the bottle. Why?

I've kissed a sister! THEY LAUGH

That's adorable.

I think so, cos this is just too beautiful.

I love this idea. I think it's good.

THEY LAUGH A great deal.

Do you think God...

Does he like the idea of a nun...

Let me give you some more of this, Sister.

300 miles into its 1,800-mile journey,

the Danube arrives at what's considered to be

the best-preserved medieval city in Germany.

This is sensational, isn't it? Look at this.

Regensburg. Danube. Bridge.

The Danube is such a wide river, that for much of history,

it's effectively been a vast dividing line across Europe.

But Regensburg changed all that.

When this bridge was built in the 12th century -

11-something! - it was revolutionary.

For a start, it linked the trade from the north of Europe

right down to Venice - hugely important -

which made Regensburg, which is where we are now,

vital, absolutely important beyond belief.

The Romans knew this town was important.

It was called Castra Regina in those old days.

The Danube was the border

of where the Romans considered to be cultured civilisation on the south.

Everything north of it was barbarians.

So this little place, Regensburg,

which has miraculously survived the bombing in the Second World War -

there was masses of bombing here.

Not only did the great, ancient city survive and its beautiful cathedral,

but this valuable stone bridge.

Do you know what this stone bridge is called?

The Stone Bridge. Gotta love it, haven't you?

Like lots of places, Regensburg is twinned.

Its sister city is the Black Sea port of Odessa.

It's a relationship that's become even more meaningful

since the Russian invasion of Ukraine in 2022.

Victoria. Hello, nice to meet you.

So, that's two years you've been here now. Yeah.

Had you been to Germany before? Yes.

I visited Germany and Regensburg several times.

'Victoria Aleksieieva is a language teacher from Odessa,

'one of over a million Ukrainian refugees in Germany.'

I was in Odessa, and, at first, was kind of... OK.

Then my brother called me, and he told me the war...

..had started. ..had started.

Such a wave of hate, of explosions everywhere in Ukraine.

It was unbelievable to understand.

When did you get the feeling that you had to leave Odessa?

My mother, she told me she didn't want to leave my brother alone.

And she tell me, "Vika, you should go."

Yeah.

Did she leave Ukraine? No, she is still...

She's still there? Yeah.

And your brother? Also there.

Oh, Vika. So, do you keep in touch with them?

Yes, we communicate on the phone every day.

Are they OK? Yes.

Vika, leaving your home, leaving your family... Yes.

How has that affected you?

You have to start a life, er...

..again? Yeah, again.

But, mm...

I-I was trying to find some job at first, as soon as possible,

and the director of this language school, he ask me,

"And you want to stay in Germany, and you will not come back home?"

And after this question...

VOICE SHAKING: ..I was, erm... crying.

It was the word "home", wasn't it? It was the idea of home.

Coming back home...

VICTORIA SNIFFS ..it's not so good.

VICTORIA SIGHS

Have you got a hanky? Yes, I have.

We've come stocked with handkerchiefs, just in case.

LAUGHING: Yes, I'm prepared. You're making me cry! Ah!

Not to come home, it's...

..I think it's, erm... Unbearable.

Yes, it's terrible.

And... now I see, mm...

..my city is destroying.

It was everything you knew. Yes.

Everything you knew in your life was being destroyed. Yes.

Vika, we are now in Regensburg.

When you look at this river, it's a strange connection, isn't it? Yes.

How does that make you feel? Hopeful?

It makes me really feel good that this river,

it will meet the Black Sea, not far away from my native city. No.

If I, er, throw a bottle, er...

With a message? ..with the message,

it will come about 2,000km to my home.

Have you ever tried it? LAUGHING: No.

I think you must try it! No.

Oh, Vika, thank you so much. Thank you so much for talking. Thank you.

Thank you.

It's so important to talk to people like Victoria.

Through no fault of her own, she's made to leave her...

the city of her birth, where her family has been,

the city she loves with all her heart,

and change countries and live somewhere completely different,

never knowing when she'll go back.

So she's started a new life in Regensburg.

"Be not inhospitable to strangers, lest they be angels in disguise."

60 miles to the south of Regensburg is the Bavarian capital, Munich.

It's famous for its beer-drinking culture.

7 million people come here every year for Oktoberfest.

And Munich is full of beer halls.

The most well-known is the 400-year-old Hofbrauhaus.

But it has a dark past.

In 1920, Hitler laid out his vision for a "racially pure" Germany

here in the Hofbrauhaus,

a doctrine which ultimately led to the Holocaust -

the murder of millions of Jews and other minorities,

including Roma, disabled, Black and gay people.

Today, the Hofbrauhaus is an altogether different place.

This is schuhplattler, a lederhosen-slapping folk dance,

which, for centuries,

Bavarian men have performed to impress the ladies.

But this schuhplattler group is very different.

This is the first and only one for gay men,

and they've become something of a sensation.

It's fantastisch!

'Christian is the group's lead choreographer.'

Danke, danke.

The original schuhplattling was more free. Yeah.

And gradually, it's become more and more formalised.

It's so interesting. So it's changing all the time?

Tradition is always changing. Yeah.

Because this is the first ever gay group.

How was that received when you first started to do it?

We exist more than 25 years. Yeah.

It was not so open. When you turn back time, 25 years...

It was quite difficult.

It was difficult for some guys in their traditional communities.

When they said, "Hey, I'm gay..." Yeah?

..their village said, "It's OK, but don't come to our rehearsals."

Did they?

And so a small group of plattlers from the villages

joined together in a city. Yeah?

And now it's accepted.

Are young ones, new people, coming to join you all the time? Yes.

Not only young people, also, er, international people.

So if you look out there,

they all look like very traditional Bavarians.

But when I look here, Johan comes from Sweden,

we have Justin from the USA, we have Paul from the USA.

You are the only one with this special... Yeah.

LAUGHTER Now, tell me, what is this?

Was ist? What is this?

It's hair from the back of a mountain goat.

Expensive. It's pure masculinity.

Oh! La, la, la! LAUGHTER

This also shows...

"Look who I am, marry me!" Yes, "Look, I am special."

Was this made specially for you?

SHE SPLUTTERS Stop!

LAUGHTER

JOANNA:

Oh, the respect! LAUGHTER

I can't tell you, it's such a privilege to be with you.

In the 25 years the group's been performing, they've come a long way.

They now play events all year,

including huge sell-out theatre shows.

Please don't think that I'm going to take this up myself.

I know I once had a pair of lederhosen when I was about 19,

and they were very short and they were very lovely,

but I've given them away.

Zoltan.

No river on Earth flows through more countries than the Danube.

After a 400-mile journey across Germany,

the mighty river reaches its second country, Austria.

This is considered

one of the most beautiful areas of the Austrian Danube.

It's the Wachau region, famed for its wines and its vineyards.

And we're crossing in Zoltan's dear little ferry.

And it's got solar panels on the roof,

so a little green boat crossing this gorgeous stretch of the river.

Danke, Zoltan!

'Of course, I wouldn't be doing my duty

'if I didn't explore the Wachau Valley's treasures.

'The oldest winery here - in all of Austria in fact -

'is run by winemaker Nikolaus Saahs.'

Nikolaus.

Hi, I'm Joanna. Hello.

Welcome to Nikolaihof. Thank you.

And you family's been here for...?

My great-grandfather bought the winery in 1894.

Your great-grandfather? So that's four generations?

I'm the fourth generation now, ja. Oh, my gosh!

So wine has been made here for a long time?

Yes, more than 2,000 years.

So, it was a Roman army base here before. Yeah.

Every Roman soldier had the right for two litres wine a day.

Hoo-hoo-hoo! HE CHUCKLES

Have you got your vines around you here?

Yes, so, I can reach all my vines in less than five minutes. Oh!

We go there. Good, good! Let's do it.

That's my Haflinger. Oh, isn't this a beauty? Ja.

HE CHUCKLES Oh, there we are. Thank you.

This is a good little workhorse, isn't it? Ja.

Top speed? 50?

Good.

56. When you're pushing it? Ja.

Look at this view, my God!

'There's something timeless about these Danube slopes.

'Many of the terraces are exactly as they were a thousand years ago.'

There's Hans and Mattias!

Look at this. Why did I not expect to see a huge, great working horse?

Hello! Hello. Hello, my sweet one.

It's Tim. Hiya, Tim.

Because here, it's quite hard to go with a tractor. Mm.

It's much, much better to work with horses.

There's almost nothing in the world softer than a horse's nose.

Tim, your nose is the softest thing on Earth, darling.

WHISPERING: Softest on Earth.

Which grapes are these? It's Riesling.

Riesling. This ground here is perfect for Riesling.

I'm getting thirsty. Is that an awful thing to say?

Me too.

CORK POPS Op!

That's a good sound. HE CHUCKLES

It's a Riesling? That's a 2016 Klause Riesling.

Yeah? This wine is from this terraces here.

"Klause" - hermit - because in this hut behind us... Mm?

..there was one, a hermit living until 1954.

That's why we named this Klause. And his name was Klause?

Yeah. How adorable.

That's sensational.

That's so elegant. Mm.

You could never get tired of looking at this river, could you?

Yes. Amazing.

And swimming when you were small, when you were young?

Actually, as a kid, I was not swimming a lot in the Danube. No.

Because my parents were really very afraid. Yeah.

Because of course, it's dangerous, when you go swimming.

It's got a huge current, it moves at some speed. Ja, mm-hm.

But then, when I was 15, 16, I started to swim very, very often.

Is it quite clean? It's very clean.

I also drink it. It's no problem.

I could become a semi-recluse up here,

cos I'd obviously have to have a little bit of wine,

and I'd have to help with the horses.

But otherwise, I could be up here.

You drink a little bit quicker than I do.

Ja, maybe I'm more used to it. How surprising.

THEY CHUCKLE

Maybe... I can see the eyes are burning from my crew.

All going, "Leave some for us!" SHE CHUCKLES

I brought a second bottle of that wine.

You're kind. HE CHUCKLES

Prost.

Cheers.

40 miles downstream,

the Danube approaches the first of its four capital cities...

..and it's fabulous.

It's... Vienna.

Surely one of the most cultured and historic places in the world.

To get my bearings,

I've been allowed to scale the tower of the Rathaus,

Vienna's incredible city hall.

Getting to the top

is more of an obstacle course than you might imagine.

Do you see this gorgeous lift?

It was actually invented by an Englishman -

a Liverpudlian called Peter Ellis.

And it just goes up, and it just comes down again. It never stops.

So you just have to chance it.

It's rather like those skipping games, and you wait, wait, wait,

and then you just get onto it. I'm gonna try to get onto it now.

Bye! Rather jumped that one. Over-nervous.

But I'm feeling cool now.

In Ab Fab, Patsy once got stuck on a ski lift.

She didn't dare get off, she just went round and round.

I'm not afraid at all actually.

Oh!

SHE GASPS

Wunderbar!

Ah, it's extraordinary.

From up here, I can see some of the major sights of the city.

That's the Hofburg Palace.

And just behind it, the big green roof there,

that's the Wiener Staatsoper, the Vienna State Opera.

And then, if you see over there,

the tall, tall spire and a very steep pitched roof,

that's St Stephen's Cathedral.

But look at it, all over, you see these domes and churches

and galleries and parks.

It's so civilised, it's so gorgeous!

I mean, you just say a name,

and somebody came and worked in Vienna,

lived in Vienna, was Viennese.

Names like Mozart and Beethoven and Schubert,

names like Mahler and Klimt.

It just goes on and on.

Anybody who was anybody came and worked and lived or visited Vienna.

Giants.

Vienna is often called the City of Music,

given its unrivalled heritage of composers and performers.

And one of its proudest musical traditions,

stretching back over 500 years,

is something I've wanted to experience, well...

pretty much my entire life.

When I was 12, I was rushed into hospital to have my appendix out,

and it was just before Christmas.

I was feeling a bit sorry for myself,

but when I came out, on Christmas morning,

one of my presents was a record of the Vienna Boys' Choir.

There was a black and white photograph of the choir,

in all their beautiful sort of sailor suits on the front of it.

And I got to know every single song.

It was ravishing, the most gorgeous sound in the world.

Hector!

Welcome to the Vienna Boys' Choir. Thank you so much.

Can I take you inside? Thank you!

'The Vienna Boys' Choir is actually a non-profit boarding school -

'where four separate boys' choirs and a girls' choir

'have regular lessons and daily rehearsals.'

BOY SINGS SOLO CHOIRMASTER: Ja!

CHOIR SINGS

Jimmy, that was lovely! Danke. Danke, alle.

'Jimmy Chiang is one of the choirmasters.'

And this piece you were singing...?

It's the Theresienmesse from Joseph Haydn. Yeah?

And when are you singing this?

The next concert will be in two weeks.

And, Jimmy, I understand you tour as well.

Yes, yes, we just came back from America, in fact.

Did you enjoy America? Good? BOY: Yes.

Lovely, good, good.

And this, of course, is a normal school as well?

Well, they actually go to school first, at 7:30, ja?

And then they come to me around 11. Yeah.

And then we have about two hours of rehearsals. Yeah.

Do all the boys play instruments as well?

I play the French horn. Yeah?

I play the cello. WHISPERS: Cello!

I play guitar.

I play piano. Piano?

Yes? Nothing.

Sometimes piano, yeah. Lovely.

So, I'd love to see them get into their costumes.

Yes, of course. Oh, Jimmy, that would be a treat for me.

'And given I'm travelling along Europe's mightiest river,

'there's really only one thing these boys could sing for me.'

SINGING IN AUSTRIAN

While it's over a hundred years since Austria had a monarchy,

Vienna remains a city shaped by royalty,

and one dynasty in particular - the Habsburgs.

For 500 years, the family, known for their distinctive jawlines,

ruled much of central Europe.

Their influence, wealth and extravagance knew few limits.

The Habsburgs were perhaps

the most powerful family the world has ever seen.

And this unbelievable building down here was the summer residence.

Now, can you imagine?

In the summer, in the residence, they were there,

and they looked out on this vast park.

You can imagine the family there, rain drumming down at the windows,

going... SHE TUTS

"God, there's nothing to look at except just the green old park!

"Can't we have something up there to focus on?"

SONG: 'Symphony No. 7, Op. 92, II. Allegretto' by Beethoven

So immediately, they raced up and built this phenomenal building,

The Gloriette.

It was for nothing! It was just for focusing on.

When you look up there, suddenly they said,

"Oh, we can see something gorgeous on the hillside. This looks lovely!

"Let's come back next year, we'll love it next time."

One of the family's most colourful members

is the subject of a new play that's being put on in the city right now.

The show is a musical called Luziwuzi, and it's a smash hit.

SINGS OPERATICALLY

GIGGLING

So lovely, so lovely! APPLAUSE

Oh, excellent. This is just an honour to be here...

Oh, please! ..at a kind of afternoon rehearsal.

It's just a run through for us.

And this stunning theatre you've now been selling out all the time!

Yes, we're sold out! It's crazy. It's crazy.

We got a hit, I think, with this play.

Tell me a little bit about it. Luziwuzi is who?

Ludwig Victor. Yeah.

He was the youngest brother of our Emperor, Franz Josef. Yeah.

He was a member of the queer community, he was gay. Yeah.

And he loved to have his romances.

You know, it's a tale as old as time.

And it's a story that's personal for Tom Neuwirth,

who's perhaps better known the world over as Conchita Wurst.

MUSIC: 'Rise Like A Phoenix' by Conchita Wurst

In 2014, Conchita won the Eurovision Song Contest,

the first time a drag act had triumphed in its 60-year history.

Tom, were you an actor before anyway? No.

Wow! I mean it.

No, tell me, tell me your life a little bit. Listen...

I mean, I feel like, you also, as a stage person,

as somebody who enjoys, like,

bearing their heart out creatively in front of people,

I always wanted to be on a stage.

A performer of some kind? Always! Didn't mind with what.

Do you think that Austria is still as hypnotised,

fascinated by the Habsburgs as they used to be?

Of course. I mean, for me, probably, it's very specific.

I love the glamour. Mm.

I love the fantasy and the romanticism that comes with it,

100%.

'Tom has become a bit of an unlikely expert

'on Austria's extraordinary former royal family

'and has offered to take me across town

'to his favourite Habsburg haunt to...'

There it is. JOANNA GASPS

'..well, meet some of them.'

Joanna, here we are. The Imperial Crypt.

The Habsburgs. The Habsburgs, yes.

SOFTLY: Oh, my gosh.

Yes, this is where they all sleep till eternity.

And as you can see, it's... quite dramatic.

It's fantastic, Tom! Yeah.

Look at the beautiful, fantastical coffins. I know.

Skulls.

And these are more of the modest ones. Are they?

I don't know what it is when it comes to Viennese people,

it's like the elegance of mourning.

Yes. I don't wanna be disrespectful,

but there is a sense of glamour in a way to it.

In all, 150 members of the Habsburg dynasty are laid to rest here,

and the showstopper, dating from the 1700s,

is the tomb of the only woman

ever to hold Austria's throne in her own right.

So, this is Maria Theresa, Empress of Austria.

This is Maria Theresa? Yes.

JOANNA GASPS SOFTLY: Oh, my...

She's in there with her husband.

And I love the fact that the cherub is holding stars,

symbolising heaven, I guess? Exactly.

That's where they're going to go up to. Yes.

Also, she got this made when she was around 35.

So it was way before she died.

Up there is, actually, a window, and she brought people in,

politicians, and, I don't know, important people...

"So, that's where I'll be when I'm gone," she'd say?

And they'd gasp. Exactly.

What a lovely, confident, happy thing... Yeah.

..to be able to look down on where you're going to be buried.

Letting them know that... "I will be here forever".

THEY CHUCKLE

My time in beautiful Vienna is nearly at an end.

But before travelling onwards along the Danube,

there's one last rather important appointment to keep.

Cafe life here in Vienna is all-important. Cafes are everywhere.

It seems that there's always time to stop

and have a delicious cup of coffee, a little cake,

a piece of sachertorte, one of the heavy, chocolatey cakes -

just gorgeous.

But this cafe I'm going to, it's got a slight difference.

Something that absolutely appeals to me.

This is why I know I've arrived where I was hoping to come -

Oma-Sprudel vom Fass.

Now, "oma" is the clue here,

because "oma" is the German word for granny,

and "oma-sprudel" is oma, fizzing granny, from the barrel.

And here is my fizzing granny. Marianne?

Hello, Joanna. Good morning! Hello!

Oh, good morning. Nice to see you! Danke.

Oh, Marianne. Look, how "schon"! Yes, it's grandmother's dining room.

Here's the bakery. Today is grandmother Renata.

Marianne, this is so different because...

it's got grannies. Grannies!

Retired women, we're not sitting at home alone.

Come and be here! Come and be here and working.

CHUCKLING: It's adorable! Yes, yes!

We are the only ones who do this in all Europe.

You come with me, I bring it to the table.

Follow me! Follow me! MARIANNE LAUGHS

I shall follow you, my lovely oma.

Cafe Vollpension, which translates as "full pension",

was set up to fight loneliness and poverty in old age

through the power of cake.

But also, we have a special Vienna cake.

JOANNA GASPS It's buchteln.

Inside with plum marmalade and hot vanilla sauce.

If you want, you can... Ja, bitte! Ja!

THEY LAUGH Yes, OK.

It touches my heart, this, I love it.

Because I'm an oma, I'm a granny. And it makes sense.

I wonder what this bun is going to be like.

It's your coffee. JOANNA GASPS

Danke, danke, danke! Look, with a heart.

Oh, look. Oh, with a little beautiful heart! Yes!

Marianne, you have a very outgoing nature.

Yes. Ja? Ja, an amateur actress.

That's good for your job, welcoming people. Yes.

The German name is "rampensau".

THEY LAUGH

Nice, nice you are here. I love that.

We are the twins, we are the same age. Ja?

We are old, but we're not finished! Eh!

We've got much to do. We've got love to give, skills... Yes!

I cannot sit at home. No.

You can't sit at home, no, no, no. It's not for me.

But every day, I wake up and say, "Thank you for this day." Yeah.

Oh, I think it's wonderful! MARIANNE LAUGHS

David Haller is one of the cafe's co-founders.

Oh, how lovely! Look at that. Yeast buns for you.

Is your own grandmother here? She used to work here.

That's a picture of me and my grandmother.

Oh, look. What was her name? Inge.

She was one of the main motivations for me.

This experience older people have,

if you don't create those sorts of places... it gets lost.

We're missing a trick, and you have not missed the trick.

You've found the trick. David, I commend you.

And this, I just want to tell you... LAUGHTER

..it's completely divine. Yes.

It's as soft as a feather.

Plum marmalade. Plum.

Absolutely delicious.

We do delivery to the United Kingdom, if you want.

Oh, can you? Thank you so much. Yes.

This is one of the loveliest places I've ever visited

because it's people being looked after by grannies

who are, quite often,

the ones who've helped bring us up in the first place.

So I just love it, I love it.

I think you should have more of these around the world.

Realise that old people are useful.

And I may well apply for a job a little bit later on.

Not just now, I'm gonna stay with you for a bit, but after that...

If you go, "I wonder where Joanna is now?"

She's here in Vollpension, here in Vienna.

'Next time, my Danube adventure takes me into Eastern Europe...'

Skoda? Yeah, 1974.

Oh, it's beautiful.

'..to Slovakia's highest peaks...'

This is very thrilling.

'..the jewel of the river, Budapest...'

It's fabulous!

'..and the cowboys of Hungary's Great Plains.'

WHIP CRACKS Yeah-hey-hey!

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