Original subtitles

The land of the samurai.

There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name.

With the arrival of the "Amanto" from outer space

and the Sword Ban twenty years ago, the samurai class fell into decline.

In such hard times, there was one man left with the spirit of the samurai.

His name is Gintoki Sakata, a reckless Jack of All Trades with a sweet tooth.

Due to some rather unexpected events, I, Shinpachi Shimura, ended up working here.

The three of us slice up a corrupt Edo.

Wait, is that really the story?

[Suspected for the bombing, the Odd Jobs gang are under police questioning.]

[By the way this man is the "Boss", and he's holding a glass of brandy.]

["Keep Your Promise Even If It Kills You"]

[Oedo Police Station]

Hey, hey, enough already.

We had nothing to do with it, I'm telling you.

I've told you that a million times.

Some things never change.

It's always the perpetrator who claims he had nothing to do it.

How many times are you going to ask me?

I've explained everything from the very beginning to the very end.

Yeah, yeah. All the guilty ones say that.

"My kid would never do that," or "I don't remember."

You're just as hard to believe as the people who say those things, don't you think?

Come on, confess already.

We're not running a charity here, you know.

Or is it that you guys think you'll get off if you keep holding out on us?

Ain't gonna happen.

I've had enough, you shithead!

We're telling you, we're innocent!

Quit wasting your breath and let us out of here right now!

We have places to go!

Violent Four-Eyes.

Hey, his personality is changing!

I risk my life getting rid of that bomb and they rake me over the coals for three days.

Rotten cops!

I think you've kept us long enough.

Thanks to me, at least we're not on their most wanted list anymore.

But why'd they release us after Shinpachi freaked out like that?

Because they know someone normally docile is more difficult to deal with when they crack under the pressure.

They piss me off.

So piss on them.

Okay, I'll puke on 'em.

Stop that! This is TV! Control yourselves!

There'll be no end to the number of times I'll be arrested if I hang around you guys.

I'm going on home!

Don't get lost on the way home, you morons!

Hey, hey, we can't have an anime without a straight man.

I don't have a choice then.

I'll be the straight man this week.

You...watch where you're puking!

Whadda stench!

Whadda stench!

Hey...

Stop him! He's an escaped convict.

Phew!

Yes?

Stand back!

Don't you care what happens to barf babe here?

You scum!

Just for today, I'm...

Hey you, with the naturally wavy hair.

Can you drive a car?

Yeah.

Damn it! Do you think you can get away with defying the law?!

He's got me!

I'm scared.

I have no choice but to do as he says.

Come on, come on, outta my way.

After him! Don't let him get away!

Well, that was exhilarating.

But do you really think you can get away with this?

Never mind. Just turn right.

These days, escaping from prison is tougher than winning the lottery.

I have no intention of getting away for good.

Just for today. I'll be happy if I can be free for just one day today.

Today, is a special day.

A special day, eh?

If you're captured immediately after breaking out of prison,

it'll be a special day you'll never forget for the rest of your life.

Step on it! I can't get caught now!

As you wish. Boost!

I'm a new teahouse maid, sir.

So cute.

Move, move, move!

Pull over, damn it. You can't get away!

Can't get away, you say?

When you say that, it makes me want to prove you wrong!

The suspect is heading for the Terminal Tower.

Request a block at Moe Moe intersection.

Ten-four.

The road, it's...

We're not done yet.

Here goes...

Go!

We did it!

We did it!

Crap! A stroller!

Pa.

My son and I walk a path of darkness and evil.

We are in a hurry, so allow us our leave.

Damned wolf. Doesn't he know cars can't stop so quickly?

There they are!

Damn it!

Hey, Pops.

This way!

Damn. Where'd they go?

Find them! They couldn't have gone far.

Hey, come on, wake up!

It stinks!

Why're you helping me?

I'm not sure.

It doesn't make sense. Now you're all wrapped up in this mess. And yet...

Well, yeah, but part of it is that I hate the police.

Maybe I just want to see you through

your special day.

We're almost there. Let's hurry!

Right!

Everybody...

Thank you all for coming to my pooformance!

Pooformance!

Today, forget about your worldly cares, and just have fun, okay, necromancer!

Necromancer!

Okay, for my first song,

"Your Father is Bleep-Bleep".

Please enjoy!

What the hell...is this?

It's the first live performance by today's up-and-coming pop idol, Tsu Terakado.

You jerk. Is this your idea of life?!

You broke out of from prison for a pop idol?!

You'd ruin your entire life for a moment's pleasure?

That's the kind of the mentality that got you thrown in jail, you fool!

It's precisely because I ruined my entire life for a moment's pleasure

that I realize this an important moment that I can't miss.

So come on, let's have fun! L-O-V-E O-tsu-u!

L-O-V-E!

I can't take any more. We're going home, Kagura.

Aww, I wanna stay for more... son of whore.

Don't let it influence you.

This is like a cult.

The air is rank with human stank.

L-O-V-E O-tsu-u.

Louder!

Okay!

L-O-V-E O-tsu-u.

Hey, pay attention! Shout it out.

Sorry, Chief!

Hey, since when did you become their captain?

I've been a captain of Otsu's fan club from the day I was born.

Gyahh! Why're you here, Gin?

That's what I'd like to know.

You go for this teeny-bopper crap, too?

How am I going to explain this to your sister?

I can do whatever I like! I'm not a little kid!

You there.

Please don't leave your seat during the performance.

You're spoiling it for the rest of the audience.

Sorry, Ms. Manager. I'll throw him out.

Oh, you're from the fan club? No problem, then.

Today is her first live show, so we have to make sure it's a success.

L-O-V-E O-tsu-u.

L-O-V-E O-tsu-u.

You.

We do-do!

Everyone says it,

but when the time comes, I just can't say it.

Bleep-bleep! Bleep-bleep!

Otsu Terakado's second single.

" Your Father is Bleep-Bleep," in stores soon!

If you don't buy it, I'll rip off your mole.

I see.

So you're Otsu's manager.

The two of you, mother and daughter, made it this far.

Impressive.

Hearing that from you doesn't make me happy.

I'm surprised you have the nerve to show your face after all this time.

Aren't you still supposed to be in jail? Why are you even here?

I've had it with you.

I can see you haven't changed a bit.

You live your life however you please,

but do you ever think about the people who suffer for it? Like your daughter and me?

For no other reason than being your daughter, Otsu's had to endure so much.

Otsu, what's the key selling point of your second single, " Your Father is Bleep-Bleep"?

I'd say it's the hidden meaning behind the "bleep-bleep."

I'd be happy if you could appreciate its more mature implications.

Tomorrow is your first solo concert, right?

How're you feeling about that?

I'll do my very best!

Come to think of it, Otsu, your mother is your manager, isn't she?

Yes.

What does your father have to say about your concert?

My father...

Her father died. Thirteen years ago.

Is that true, Otsu?

It's your fault for making Otsu suffer like that.

Just go away, please. And never come back.

Don't force her to relive painful memories like

the fact that her father is a murderer.

Stick of gum?

Why would I want a kiddy thing like that?

The secret to enjoying life is to hold on to the kid inside you.

Well, busting out of jail just to see your daughter's big moment on stage

is something you can't do unless you're a childish idiot.

That's not how it is, dumbass!

I made a promise to her a long time ago.

I want to be an idol ~ La-la-la-la...

You must be my kid! A voice that awful has gotta be hereditary.

Just you wait.

I'll practice and get better, and then one day I'll be an idol singer.

If you can become a professional singer,

then there's even hope for the crickets.

Shut up, you meanie!

If I say I'll be an idol singer, then I will, I'm telling ya!

How 'bout that!

Well, listen, if you ever go pro...I'll bring a million roses to your first concert.

You absolutely mean that?

Yeah, I promise.

She's forgotten by now, I'm sure.

That was thirteen years ago.

Even if she still remembered, she wouldn't want to.

Not when she knows her pop's a killer.

No telling how much she's suffered because of me.

She probably doesn't even want to see my face.

I'm going back. Besides, I forgot to buy the roses.

Sorry for all the trouble.

Gin!

What's up?

Some guest went kablooey and freaked!

Speak normally.

I can't understand a word you're saying.

In the concert hall. You see, there was an Amanto.

And to make things worse,

he was one of those Love-Cannibal-Clan Amanto that captures and feeds on the people he likes when he gets excited.

L-O-V-E O-tsu-u!

I can't control myself anymore!

And that's why I came to report it to you.

Why're you speaking standard Japanese now?

Chief! Member number 49 has gone berserk!

He was one of us?

I thought he was some kind of inflatable mascot!

Stop it, you bastard!

Otsu!

I'm so hungry.

Otsu. Become one with me...in my stomach.

Oh no, Otsu's in danger!

Let's get out of here quickly, Otsu!

I can't. My legs won't move. What'll I do?

Wh-Who is that?!

Otsu, run away. Quick!

Go! We've got to protect Otsu!

Hang in there!

Hang in there!

Ah, he's awake.

What kind of nut are you? Pulling stunt like that?

Uh...who are you?

Just a fan of yours.

Kagura!

Came to help. Four straight weeks at the top.

What're you doing?

That's what I want to ask you, Dining-kitchen.

Gin!

Stop getting in my way!

It's time you left the building. All the yakiniku you can eat.

Hold it right there!

Otsu, I'll protect you! The Daruma rolls!

That guy...

Hey, old man.

That was all I could find.

It's not quite a million, so you'll really need to talk 'em up.

Bastard.

There's no way she'd remember that promise.

But at this point, does it really matter if she remembers or not?

I'll keep my promise for myself.

Otsu!

Take it all the way to the top.

Um...

next time, bring roses, okay?

Until then, I'll be waiting on the stage, Dad.

Yo. Tearful parting go okay, pops?

Idiot. This ain't a farewell.

I'll come back to see you again for sure.

Everyone! A lot's happened, but let's start over again! Figure-four lock.

Over again!

Okay, please listen.

I dedicate this song to my father.

"Your Father is Bleep-Bleep."

Please listen. Indian Death Lock.

Next time, I'll come with my head held high.

[New Television Program]

In Kabukicho, Japanese hosts are on the decline

due to the emergence of good-looking foreign hosts.

But here are two men sporting their god-given gifts of blonde hair and butt-chin.

The mysterious vagabond, Kintoki Sakata,

and the former No. 1 host, the butt-chinned Shinpachi.

Having gained a female Chinese Mafia boss as a their patron,

the two men knife their way through the corrupt streets at night!

A new show, "Kintama" starts next week!

We're not even doing a show like that!

[Episode 1: "This isn't cosmetic surgery, I was born with a butt-chin."]

[The real next episode trailer as follows. Stay tuned!!]

[Preview]

In Kabukicho, Japanese hosts are...

Gin! Please be serious and tell us about the next episode!

All right. Man, what a pain.

The next episode: "Responsible Owners Should Clean Up After Their Pets."

Clean up after your pet, for Chrissakes!