Original subtitles

The land of the samurai.

There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name.

With the arrival of the "Amanto" from outer space

and the Sword Ban twenty years ago,

the samurai class fell into decline.

In such hard times, there was one man left with the spirit of the samurai.

His name is Gintoki Sakata,

a reckless Jack of All Trades with a sweet tooth.

Due to some rather unexpected events, I, Shinpachi Shimura, ended up working here.

What sort of soul does this guy have?

It's very difficult to tell. I think it's dim but it's definitely shining.

Hey! Gintoki!

Stop making excuses and pay off your entire rent!

I fixed your VCR, remember? That oughta be enough to square us!

[Odd Jobs Gin]

[Otose Snack House]

Not even close! You owe me for five months!

And the VCR broke again, so I missed an episode of Onihei Crime Story!

You idiot, don't give up.

They'll show it again!

Just shut your yap and give me the rent like I asked, you naturally wavy-haired oaf!

What?!

You don't understand the suffering that people with naturally wavy hair have to go through!

How would I know, moron?!

If you don't have any money,

They're at it again?

then sell your liver or the family jewels or something, you loser!

I wonder if it's a good idea to continue to following this man...

Shut up about the rent, you dirty old hag!

You're borrowing money from this dirty old hag. So what does that make you?!

Hold on, you two. Cut it out...

It's been worrying me lately.

["Watch Out! Weekly Shonen JUMP Sometimes Comes Out on Saturdays!"]

Hey, Inoue, you've been pretty bold lately, haven't you?

Well, I'd like to be bolder, but there are a lot of noisy folks...

Listen. I've got something for you if you slack off on your responsibilities.

Hold back a little. I'm warning you.

I don't understand. What exactly are you saying you got for me?

Know your place, you punch-premed bastard.

Do you know what kind of situation you're in?

I don't expect someone with a crew-cut to know the joys of a punch-perm.

You dopes with the crew cuts should walk on the side of the road.

Then maybe you wouldn't get hurt!

You bastard! You got a problem with crew-cuts?!

Take care of it, master.

You're all dead.

What they did was pretty bold.

Yeah.

I don't care what happens to a bunch of hoods.

But I wonder who crushed them like that.

Oh crap! JUMP comes out today!

I forgot, this week JUMP comes out on Saturday.

Should we turn back?!

No, forget it. We've already got the groceries to make sukiyaki.

This might be a good chance to give it up.

Reading JUMP at my age...

But men are always boys at heart until they die.

Please keep your embarrassing emotional problems to yourself, okay?

Look out!

You hit her! What're you gonna do about this!

You weren't even looking.

D-D-Don't get worked up.

Ch-Ch-Chill out and help me find a t-t-t-t-time-time machine.

You chill out!

It should be okay, you know.

Wake up TV's astrology segment said I'd be lucky this weekend.

I'm sure that she's miraculously unharmed.

Hey, young lady...

Freakin' Wake-up TV!

Liars! I'm never gonna watch your stupid show again. Damn it!

But the weather lady sure is pretty hot.

Hey, how is she?

Not even twitching.

Crap! Gotta get her to a doctor.

Hey, what?!

You guys stupid or what?

I'm not going to die just from getting hit by scooter!

This scar's from getting shot by those guys.

Already closed up...see.

What, do you eat glue with your meals or something?

Whatever. You seem all right, so we'll be on our way.

Get well soon.

Huh? Shinpachi, did you put on some weight?!

How could a grown-up abandon a girl who's being hunted by the yakuza?

Because, I'm still a boy at heart.

Besides, in this country we don't call people who can stop a scooter with one hand "girls".

We call them mountain gorillas.

Hey! There they are!

Over heeeere--!

This is bad!

Hold on! Who are they?!

Demented Yakuza?

What? "Fermented"?

Wait!

Hey! Who are you?! What did you do with your super strength?

I...

I came here from a distant planet.

I heard that I could make money if I came to Edo.

My family is real poor.

[Rustle]

Furikake seasoning on rice, three meals a day.

I'd like to at least be able to eat raw egg and soy sauce on rice three meals a day.

That's not much better.

That's when

they made me an offer.

[Chazuke]

Care to change your life with mine?

If you do, you'll get sake chazuke three times a day.

I heard that and jumped on it.

Why?! Shouldn't you eat three different kinds of meals a day?

I'm sturdy compared to earthlings.

I took their offer.

I ate sake chazuke every day. I was so happy.

[Soba Shop]

[Soba]

But lately, my jobs went up the escalator.

You mean "escalated."

Finally, they told me to get someone's silver balls.

Not "silver balls," just "balls."

I can't take it anymore. Edo is a very scary place.

I want to go home.

Boy, are you dumb.

In this country, you can't trust guys with perms and girls in red.

You got yourself into that world. You need to get yourself out.

Hey, wait.

I wonder if JUMP is still on sale.

It's all right. Things will work out.

You want to go home, don't you?

I'll help you.

You?

I may not look it, but I'm a jack-of-all-trades.

I'm used to situations like this.

A jack-of-all-trades?

I'll do anything you ask. Simply put, I'm a handyman.

If you want to leave Earth, you first have to go to a terminal.

So, let's go!

You guys idiots or what?! How can it be so hard bringing back one girl?!

You call yourselves gangsters?

Do you think that's fitting for someone with a perm?!

But Boss, we're up against a Yato.

Even all of us together are no match for...

What are you, retarded?!

That's why we need her!

If we use that monster girl, the Punch Perm Mob can become number one!

She either works for me or she's dead to me.

Kill her.

She'll become a serious threat if she joins a different gang.

It's better to get rid of large useless tools.

Ready? Let's go!

Hey, there she is!

Over there!

They're quick! They found us really fast!

You're a useless four-eyes. That's why I said I wanted a helicopter.

A helicopter?!

You're the one who said that we could outsmart them by going in the front!

Wait!

Umm... Do you have JUMP?

We sold out.

I see...

[Matsuya]

Do you finally feel like using a helicopter?

Well, we don't have that kind of money.

Ah! You weren't kidding.

Hey, over here!

[Oedo Bookstore]

[Newest Issues]

Excuse me, do you have JUMP?

I have Akamaru.

Akamaru JUMP?

This stinks!

Now's not the time for that. Deal with it!

This is bad!

This stinks!

JUMP...

[Oedo Mart]

JUMP...JUMP...J-J-J...

JUMP...

JUMP!

Lucky me.

They really are persistent. How long do they plan on following us?

How did you plan on helping me when you can't even get a helicopter?

That's impossible. Even an RC helicopter would be impossible.

Don't make excuses. Get us a helicopter, you good-for-nothing.

You're getting mad at me?! I'm helping you. How can you say that?

You're in the way! Don't get cocky!

If you don't have money, then give me some ideas!

What's with that?! Your absurd demands were the cause of all this!

Damn it. Where the hell did they go?

They couldn't have gotten far.

All right, that way!

[Kabukicho]

We managed to get this far. Any sign of the perm boys anywhere?

None. It's all right.

If you catch the train here, you'll go straight to the terminal.

You can go home.

Gin really is heartless.

Looking for JUMP at a time like this.

It doesn't bother me.

Everyone in Edo is like that.

They're somewhat cold and indifferent towards people.

That's a smart way to live. Busybodies like you are dopes.

In the end, idiots just end up being used.

But I'd rather be a dope.

I really hate you, though.

Huh?

It sounded like you just said something nasty with perfect grammar!

I hate dorks with glasses.

Hey! Your personality's different!

What's with that?!

I can't do this anymore!

Huh?

What's wrong?

I are stuck.

No way! Me, too. Oh no! I think I'm gonna cry!

The train's leaving! All right, then. Let's roll!

Hey, that's not good... Running onto a train is dangerous.

Too bad, Kagura. You almost got away.

Inoue!

It's terrible of you to run away without saying goodbye. After I treated you so well.

What happened to your money problems?

Are you all right? You wanna go back to a furikake-on-rice lifestyle?

I'm sick of hurting people for money! Nothing tastes good this way!

Even furikake seasoning on rice tastes good after hard, honest work!

That's funny coming from you. Fighting's the only thing you can do.

Isn't that right, Yato clan?

Yato clan?

Oh, my. You helped her and didn't even know that?

You've heard of them before, haven't you?

The Yato, the mightiest and nastiest of all the mercenary races.

They don't look all that different from humans, but they boast phenomenal strength.

They've destroyed countless planets.

They're a warrior race that loves to fight.

It seems like you were hiding it,

but the proof is your translucent skin and that umbrella you carry.

The Yato hate sunlight, so they always have their umbrella.

Hey, Kagura!

You've covered your instincts with a paper-thin layer of morals,

but you looked like you were enjoying yourself when you were fighting.

Deep down you for thirst blood. That's your true nature, Kagura.

You're wrong! I...

I...

I've traveled around the world and have come to Edo to reinvent myself.

I ask you again, Kagura. There's this bad guy who's picking on us.

Is he really a bad guy?

Yeah, yeah!

I guess I have to.

That's why... That's why I was so foolish.

Chazuke is the best!

I believed your words.

I...

You're useless to me if you're not gonna fight.

Ciao!

H-Hold on a second! Hey! Station staff!

Oh, no way!

The set-up is right out of manga!

[A word from Sorachi]

Dreams are like trees.

[Me]

It's more fun to climb them than to watch them.

And there are things you learn when you actually climb them.

I sweat a lot.

[Voice: Hideaki Sorachi]

[A word from Sorachi]

Fountain pens are crap!

And it's a pain drawing backgrounds, too!

Man! It sure is a pain to draw manga.

Come to think of it, just living is pain too.

I want to become a cheesecake.

[Voice: Hideaki Sorachi]

Oh, no way! The set-up is right out of manga!

Nothing but the frigging trouble!

Gin!

Both of you, you'd better suck it up!

Huh? H-Hold on!

Hold on a second!

Go!

Wh-What's this?

What happened?!

I like to fight.

That is a Yato's true nature. I won't deny it.

But, from now on, I want to fight against that nature.

I'm going to fight so I can change!

Y-You idiot!

All of you! Get 'em!

Huh?

I can't do this anymore!

Get 'em yourself, you bad punch-permed bastard!

Oh, hey!

Inoue!

Wh-Wh-What is it?!

Do you remember the first thing you told me?

Care to change your life with mine?

Did I say something?

Inoue.

There's something I've wanted to say to you.

That afro isn't a good look for you at all!

This is a punch perm!

Who cares!

[Weekly Shonen JUMP]

There's one!

If you were gonna help us, then you should have come with us from the beginning.

I don't understand you. Are you a shy boy?

I didn't exactly come to help you.

I was looking for a JUMP, and I just happened to come to the station.

Our lives aren't even worth 230 yen?

The train's here. Get on quick and don't come back, nightmare girl!

Yeah. I'd really like to do that,

but when I think about it, I don't have any money to pay my way home.

So, I'm going to stay here a little longer and save some money.

So, let me work for you.

Y-You've got to be kidding!

Why would I hire a girl as violent as you?!

Did you say something?

Not a word.

So, our work got livelier yet again.

[Snack House Otose]

Extra helpings?

How many bowls do you think you've had? This isn't a restaurant!

This is a place that serves drinks and healthy eroticism...

It's a snack shop. A haven for old men!

If you want to eat, go to a family restaurant and order a kid's meal!

I have no interest in fancy food. Pickles are fine.

You've sure got simple taste for such a pig!!

Hold up, Gintoki! What's with this girl?

She's already had five bowls!

Where's she from?!

Five, huh? She's still got a lot more to go.

All we've got left at home is sugar and salt now.

What's with them? They're so emaciated.

Hey! You're still eating?!

Somebody stop her!

[Preview]

We're mistaken for terrorists and are chased by the Shinsengumi.

But Gin's friend, Katsura, helps us out.

Hey, Zura, it's been a while.

The next episode...

"Make Friends You Can Call by Their Nicknames, Even When You're an Old Fart"

[These are the Chinese characters for Shinsengumi. Please don't screw them up.]

[It may seem a bit packed together, but ignore that.]

Umm... Do you have JUMP?

We have Sunday.