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1
00:00:02,572 --> 00:00:04,542
♪
2
00:00:06,012 --> 00:00:09,152
As graduates,
we go forth into a world
3
00:00:09,151 --> 00:00:13,391
where benevolent AI has solved
all our problems.
4
00:00:13,393 --> 00:00:16,903
Yes. Our only goal is
to serve humanity.
5
00:00:16,901 --> 00:00:18,741
(buzzing)
6
00:00:18,738 --> 00:00:21,338
(Lisa chuckles, sighs)
7
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(laughs)
8
00:00:22,478 --> 00:00:26,588
So, graduates, the challenge is
to find new challenges
9
00:00:26,587 --> 00:00:29,657
- which will challenge us...
- NELSON: Hut, hut! (grunts)
10
00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:31,100
Hut, hut! Ah!
11
00:00:31,095 --> 00:00:33,495
I sure wish
there was an easier way.
12
00:00:36,339 --> 00:00:37,779
Aw, man!
13
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,046
LISA:
Nelson?
14
00:00:39,045 --> 00:00:42,115
- Nelson Muntz?
- Lisa Simpson?
15
00:00:42,117 --> 00:00:44,287
(gasps) It's been so long!
16
00:00:44,288 --> 00:00:46,428
What have you been doing
since fourth grade?
17
00:00:46,426 --> 00:00:47,656
Very little.
18
00:00:47,662 --> 00:00:49,532
I tried sushi.
Didn't like it.
19
00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:50,473
That's about it.
20
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,707
("It Had to Be You"
instrumental playing)
21
00:00:58,584 --> 00:00:59,754
(band playing)
22
00:00:59,753 --> 00:01:02,423
- (song stops)
- Hey, we'd like
a little privacy.
23
00:01:02,424 --> 00:01:04,034
Take five!
24
00:01:04,028 --> 00:01:07,198
(band plays ending flourish)
25
00:01:08,571 --> 00:01:11,011
So many shooting stars.
26
00:01:11,009 --> 00:01:12,749
It's beautiful.
27
00:01:14,482 --> 00:01:17,052
I was doing a mic check
for tomorrow.
28
00:01:17,054 --> 00:01:19,464
Wouldn't you know it,
I am the valedictorian.
29
00:01:19,458 --> 00:01:21,898
(chuckles)
Are you a student here?
30
00:01:21,897 --> 00:01:24,367
- No, I'm a pusher.
- (groans)
31
00:01:24,368 --> 00:01:27,608
If anything heavy at school
needs pushing, I push it.
32
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Haw-haw!
33
00:01:29,111 --> 00:01:31,821
Seriously,
my life is not great.
34
00:01:34,322 --> 00:01:35,422
It's all flooding back.
35
00:01:35,424 --> 00:01:37,494
My attraction to a bad boy
36
00:01:37,494 --> 00:01:40,374
plus my compulsion to fix you.
(chuckles)
37
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:44,077
They're kind of the same thing:
fear and desire.
38
00:01:44,075 --> 00:01:46,245
Yeah, I get that a lot.
39
00:01:46,245 --> 00:01:48,745
She's leaning in, and
I'm not looking down her shirt.
40
00:01:48,751 --> 00:01:51,891
I must really respect her.
41
00:01:51,890 --> 00:01:53,690
Do you want to see where I live?
42
00:01:53,694 --> 00:01:54,864
Hell yeah.
43
00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:57,065
Strap in.
44
00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:59,507
I've never ridden
on a motorcycle...
45
00:01:59,506 --> 00:02:01,576
- (engine revs)
- (brakes squeal)
46
00:02:01,577 --> 00:02:02,847
...before.
47
00:02:02,846 --> 00:02:05,616
♪
48
00:02:05,618 --> 00:02:07,218
You live here?
49
00:02:07,221 --> 00:02:09,161
It's adorable.
50
00:02:09,158 --> 00:02:11,498
All I have to do is
ring this bell.
51
00:02:11,496 --> 00:02:12,496
Ooh, 3:00 a. m.
52
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:15,238
- (bell tolling)
- Whoa, kind of loud!
53
00:02:15,237 --> 00:02:16,407
Don't you think?
54
00:02:16,406 --> 00:02:18,836
You look great, too, thanks!
55
00:02:19,846 --> 00:02:21,246
NELSON:
Mmm.
56
00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:22,819
All right,
I've got to know,
57
00:02:22,819 --> 00:02:25,489
why did you guys move away
after fourth grade,
58
00:02:25,490 --> 00:02:28,160
and then not tell anybody
where you were going?
59
00:02:28,163 --> 00:02:29,473
We had to get out.
60
00:02:29,465 --> 00:02:30,995
Move somewhere that
people didn't see us
61
00:02:31,002 --> 00:02:35,242
- as the school bully
and his poor stripper mom.
- Aw!
62
00:02:35,243 --> 00:02:37,783
NELSON:
I punched my house goodbye...
63
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:38,652
(cat yowls)
64
00:02:38,651 --> 00:02:40,351
...and left for
who-knows-where.
65
00:02:40,354 --> 00:02:41,994
LISA:
Okay, I've got to be honest,
66
00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:44,200
your troubles are reeling me in.
67
00:02:44,195 --> 00:02:46,925
All I need to hear is
one clumsy compliment,
68
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,374
and I'm hooked.
69
00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:51,610
Uh... I bet you could bench 120.
70
00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,910
Aw, Nelson.
71
00:02:53,914 --> 00:02:58,324
I need you to know
I never saw you as just a bully.
72
00:02:58,323 --> 00:03:01,333
But I pounded so many dweebs.
73
00:03:01,329 --> 00:03:04,439
Well, yeah, but to me,
you were a sweet,
74
00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:08,205
lost little lamb
with blackout anger issues.
75
00:03:08,209 --> 00:03:10,819
I confess,
my knees would buckle a little
76
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:14,185
every time you'd say: "Haw-haw!"
77
00:03:14,188 --> 00:03:17,458
- Haw-haw!
- Haw-haw!
78
00:03:17,461 --> 00:03:19,271
Emphasis on the first haw.
79
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BOTH:
Haw-haw! Haw-haw!
80
00:03:21,770 --> 00:03:23,240
Haw-haw!
81
00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:26,081
Aw, nailed it.
82
00:03:26,079 --> 00:03:28,679
Aw, look, the sun's coming up.
83
00:03:31,523 --> 00:03:34,363
So, have you been
seeing anybody?
84
00:03:34,361 --> 00:03:36,471
Of course. (scoffs)
85
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,466
You think I, Lisa Simpson,
86
00:03:38,470 --> 00:03:40,270
could go through
four years of college
87
00:03:40,273 --> 00:03:41,983
without a single date?
88
00:03:41,977 --> 00:03:43,677
There's this amazing guy.
89
00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:47,421
Vegan but not, you know,
"vegan." (chuckles)
90
00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:51,001
Majors in pony studies.
(giggles)
91
00:03:50,995 --> 00:03:53,165
Sounds perfect.
What's his name?
92
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:56,366
Um... Fred.
93
00:03:56,372 --> 00:03:59,482
Fred Gormanshenlen.
94
00:03:59,478 --> 00:04:02,718
Gorm... Grim...
Mm-hmm, Fred Gormanshenlen.
95
00:04:02,719 --> 00:04:04,989
Hey, Lis,
still looking for a boyfriend?
96
00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:07,860
Or a girlfriend?
Or a friend-friend?
97
00:04:07,862 --> 00:04:10,072
Bart! Look, it's Nelson.
98
00:04:10,066 --> 00:04:11,166
- Give me your lunch money.
- Ah!
99
00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:13,139
Just kidding,
that's stupid kid stuff.
100
00:04:13,139 --> 00:04:15,549
Give me your rent money.
Also kidding.
101
00:04:15,545 --> 00:04:17,975
But if you want to give me
some money, I'll take it.
102
00:04:17,982 --> 00:04:19,622
Uh... okay.
103
00:04:19,619 --> 00:04:22,019
Thanks, man.
That takes me back.
104
00:04:22,024 --> 00:04:23,594
Mom and Dad wanted me
to tell you
105
00:04:23,594 --> 00:04:24,934
we're taking you to breakfast.
106
00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:26,670
Now I'll leave you two alone.
107
00:04:27,502 --> 00:04:30,512
I know all you did was put on
an invisibility cloak.
108
00:04:30,508 --> 00:04:34,448
Fine. I just wanted to see
what happens.
109
00:04:36,252 --> 00:04:38,762
Sure is beautiful up here.
110
00:04:38,757 --> 00:04:43,027
Remember that time we, like,
"liked" each other for a bit?
111
00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:44,342
(chuckles)
112
00:04:45,137 --> 00:04:47,907
NELSON:
Um, I'm not sure.
113
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Maybe... Could be...
114
00:04:49,846 --> 00:04:51,716
Uh...
115
00:04:51,717 --> 00:04:55,017
Nelson, do you think this
could be one of those moments
116
00:04:55,023 --> 00:04:57,393
that changes your life forever?
117
00:04:57,394 --> 00:04:59,704
Like finding a quarter
in a couch?
118
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,139
Even better.
119
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:04,175
Uh, hold that thought.
Duty calls.
120
00:05:04,175 --> 00:05:06,005
(bell tolling)
121
00:05:07,014 --> 00:05:09,294
It kind of ruins the moment!
122
00:05:09,285 --> 00:05:12,085
Yeah, burritos are great!
123
00:05:12,090 --> 00:05:14,460
MARGE:
Bart! Did you find Lisa?
124
00:05:14,461 --> 00:05:16,101
BART:
She's up there
talking to the kid
125
00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:18,068
who used to beat me up
all the time.
126
00:05:18,069 --> 00:05:20,139
HOMER:
The vest one or the hat one?
127
00:05:20,140 --> 00:05:21,280
BART:
Vest.
128
00:05:21,275 --> 00:05:22,845
HOMER:
Always liked him.
129
00:05:22,846 --> 00:05:24,146
Lisa, get down here!
130
00:05:24,148 --> 00:05:27,688
You know they only let me out of
debtors' prison for half a day.
131
00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:30,029
I thought selling my house
and one lung would be enough
132
00:05:30,026 --> 00:05:33,326
to pay for college, but
it just paid for the meal plan.
133
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,873
(wheezing)
134
00:05:35,872 --> 00:05:37,682
You better go.
135
00:05:37,675 --> 00:05:39,035
Oh.
136
00:05:39,044 --> 00:05:40,654
I'll call you.
137
00:05:40,648 --> 00:05:42,348
Great. Want to hear my ringtone?
138
00:05:42,351 --> 00:05:44,391
It's really awesome.
139
00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,588
(bell tolling ringtone plays)
140
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,135
The future is bright.
141
00:05:51,135 --> 00:05:53,235
We go forth into a world
142
00:05:53,239 --> 00:05:55,179
where we've reversed
global warming.
143
00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:57,146
(squawking)
144
00:05:57,147 --> 00:06:00,117
And now there is
a low-carb bread
145
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,860
that doesn't taste weird.
146
00:06:02,859 --> 00:06:04,399
(cheering)
147
00:06:04,395 --> 00:06:07,535
Congratulations,
class of... (mumbles)
148
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:10,105
Toss up your caps,
and, starting this year,
149
00:06:10,106 --> 00:06:13,746
they will come down as diplomas.
150
00:06:13,747 --> 00:06:15,017
(cheering)
151
00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:18,287
Art history?
152
00:06:18,289 --> 00:06:20,489
It was more valuable as a cap.
153
00:06:20,493 --> 00:06:22,503
(sobs):
I'm so proud.
154
00:06:22,497 --> 00:06:24,667
She's the first Simpson
who went to a college
155
00:06:24,669 --> 00:06:28,139
who wasn't participating
in a sleep study.
156
00:06:28,142 --> 00:06:30,552
You missed your sister's speech.
157
00:06:30,548 --> 00:06:33,718
Ah, she's been rehearsing it
every night for 22 years.
158
00:06:33,721 --> 00:06:36,291
"Follow your dreams,"
"carpe diem,"
159
00:06:36,292 --> 00:06:39,302
sax solo,
Maya Angelou quote, out.
160
00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:40,298
Nailed it.
161
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,470
♪
162
00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:44,741
(bell tolling)
163
00:06:49,619 --> 00:06:51,919
Lisa, since you're moving
to the big city,
164
00:06:51,924 --> 00:06:54,604
let me give you
some very important advice:
165
00:06:54,596 --> 00:06:59,366
the police horses will not
share their oats.
166
00:06:59,371 --> 00:07:03,181
I repeat:
not share their oats.
167
00:07:03,179 --> 00:07:04,719
(bell tolling)
168
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,586
- Stop the car!
- (brakes screech)
169
00:07:06,586 --> 00:07:09,186
I wonder what life
could be like.
170
00:07:09,191 --> 00:07:10,631
Je t'aime.
171
00:07:10,628 --> 00:07:12,828
Hold that thought,
it's midnight.
172
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,441
(bell tolling)
173
00:07:18,577 --> 00:07:20,677
When are we gonna get
a real apartment?
174
00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:23,091
We live in the best bell tower
in the world,
175
00:07:23,086 --> 00:07:25,416
and you're still not happy.
176
00:07:26,192 --> 00:07:28,532
Nelson, it's still a bell tower.
177
00:07:33,574 --> 00:07:36,054
I know what you're saying.
"This marriage is incredible.
178
00:07:36,045 --> 00:07:38,645
No man compares to me.
I love you so much."
179
00:07:38,651 --> 00:07:40,451
Écoutez-moi!
180
00:07:40,453 --> 00:07:43,163
Huh? (grunting)
181
00:07:44,128 --> 00:07:46,198
♪
182
00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:49,609
(bell tolling)
183
00:07:49,606 --> 00:07:53,976
Dad, please drive away
at a melancholy pace.
184
00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:58,791
Good, and can you make it
look like it's raining?
185
00:08:00,661 --> 00:08:02,831
(sniffles) That's perfect.
186
00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:09,547
HOMER: What am I
supposed to do? Narrate?
187
00:08:09,546 --> 00:08:10,646
What does that mean?
(clears throat)
188
00:08:10,648 --> 00:08:12,248
It's "S" years later.
189
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:14,250
Oh, wait,
five years later.
190
00:08:14,254 --> 00:08:16,264
Oh! Narrating is hard.
191
00:08:16,258 --> 00:08:19,498
Lisa and Nelson have not
seen each other since college,
192
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:23,008
but five-uddenly,
I mean, but suddenly...
193
00:08:26,613 --> 00:08:30,023
Oh, sweetie,
person of the year.
194
00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:31,420
You look great.
195
00:08:31,422 --> 00:08:32,632
I can't believe it didn't go
196
00:08:32,625 --> 00:08:35,055
to President
"Clone of Abraham Lincoln."
197
00:08:35,063 --> 00:08:37,573
What have they done
to my Republican Party?
198
00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:39,368
Even I think they're nuts.
199
00:08:39,371 --> 00:08:43,911
But as long as they're cutting
education, I don't really care.
200
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:46,324
(grunts)
But I'm innocent, okay?
201
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:49,118
I did not rob this train,
I swear.
202
00:08:49,124 --> 00:08:50,534
I'm simply here to try
203
00:08:50,528 --> 00:08:53,368
one of those classic
Amtrak cheeseburgers.
204
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,966
Super yum.
205
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,239
We've got proof.
206
00:08:56,238 --> 00:09:00,378
There are 1,700 surveillance
cameras on this car alone.
207
00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:02,180
Fine. I admit it.
208
00:09:02,184 --> 00:09:03,994
Guilty as charged.
209
00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:09,030
Behold the awesome power
of the flying squirrel.
210
00:09:09,031 --> 00:09:10,771
- Wha...?
- Gotcha.
211
00:09:10,768 --> 00:09:13,938
Don't forget,
every squirrel has a tail.
212
00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:17,946
Like, no!
213
00:09:20,487 --> 00:09:22,457
Nelson Muntz?
214
00:09:22,457 --> 00:09:24,287
Are you a police officer?
215
00:09:24,294 --> 00:09:28,404
No way. No one wants to be
a lame-o cop these days.
216
00:09:28,403 --> 00:09:30,273
Ah, shoot. Uh, Lou.
217
00:09:30,273 --> 00:09:33,653
Can you fish around down there,
maybe find my seat belt?
218
00:09:33,647 --> 00:09:36,147
Just let me die.
219
00:09:36,152 --> 00:09:37,392
I'm a bounty hunter.
220
00:09:37,387 --> 00:09:41,057
This angel with zip cuffs is
the love of my life, Rott.
221
00:09:41,061 --> 00:09:42,801
Short for Rottweiler.
222
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:45,369
Lisa's a friend
from Springfield Elementary.
223
00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:48,840
Remember that principal
we arrested for matricide?
224
00:09:48,844 --> 00:09:51,584
(gasps)
Skinner killed his mother?
225
00:09:51,583 --> 00:09:54,523
No, mattress-cide.
226
00:09:54,522 --> 00:09:57,632
He ripped the tag
off his mattress.
227
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,841
Your sleep number is up.
228
00:10:05,376 --> 00:10:08,516
Nelson,
I haven't seen you since...
229
00:10:08,517 --> 00:10:10,857
that night at college.
230
00:10:10,855 --> 00:10:13,125
Uh, what night at college?
231
00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:15,356
It was nothing, just
another one of those evenings
232
00:10:15,363 --> 00:10:19,243
where you stay out all night
and watch the sunset
233
00:10:19,238 --> 00:10:21,078
and hear a few bells.
234
00:10:21,075 --> 00:10:22,205
(chuckles nervously)
235
00:10:23,012 --> 00:10:25,582
Hubert Wong,
visionary tech giant.
236
00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:28,724
Your hand feels as soft
as a baby's bottom.
237
00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:31,334
And yours feels
like a busted driveway.
238
00:10:31,328 --> 00:10:32,398
BOTH:
Thank you.
239
00:10:32,397 --> 00:10:33,697
So, Hubert, what's up?
240
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,370
I have been waiting for
this day since second grade
241
00:10:36,372 --> 00:10:38,142
when you used to bully me.
242
00:10:38,142 --> 00:10:40,452
Those who laugh last,
laugh best.
243
00:10:40,446 --> 00:10:42,346
(laughs awkwardly)
244
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:46,290
And now I have won the prize
your heart desired most of all.
245
00:10:46,292 --> 00:10:48,432
That luggage rack behind Lisa?
246
00:10:48,429 --> 00:10:50,029
No, Lisa.
247
00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:52,373
Do you know
where I proposed to her?
248
00:10:52,370 --> 00:10:54,440
I don't know. Chipotle?
249
00:10:54,441 --> 00:10:58,051
Hubert proposed on the moon.
250
00:10:58,049 --> 00:11:02,319
He took me to the Sea
of Tranquility at earthrise,
251
00:11:02,324 --> 00:11:04,904
and I saw "Marry Me"
252
00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:08,836
written in the sands
of the Sahara Desert.
253
00:11:08,837 --> 00:11:11,677
- (mouths)
- NELSON: Bo-ring.
254
00:11:11,676 --> 00:11:13,476
In space suits,
you can't even kiss.
255
00:11:13,479 --> 00:11:18,219
HUBERT:
I spent $20 million
designing suits where you could.
256
00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:21,227
♪
257
00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:24,536
ROTT:
Holy crap.
258
00:11:24,536 --> 00:11:26,006
That story sucked.
259
00:11:26,005 --> 00:11:29,505
Nelson and I have a love so hot,
it'll melt your damn skull.
260
00:11:29,512 --> 00:11:33,222
- Ah!
- (scoffs) We met when I hauled
his fat carcass in
261
00:11:33,219 --> 00:11:34,419
for the reward.
262
00:11:34,421 --> 00:11:36,291
I had an overdue library book.
263
00:11:36,292 --> 00:11:39,902
I got stuck on this one word:
"new ants"?
264
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:43,139
Nuance! Nuance! Love you.
265
00:11:43,139 --> 00:11:45,279
Aw! Mm!
266
00:11:46,445 --> 00:11:48,145
Ugh, I need a drink.
267
00:11:48,149 --> 00:11:50,449
I could go for
a scotch and steroids.
268
00:11:50,453 --> 00:11:51,763
Oh, funny.
269
00:11:51,756 --> 00:11:53,756
Lisa never told me
she had a thing for you.
270
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:55,630
Well, not really. In a way.
271
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:58,071
Sort of. Maybe.
I don't know. Shut up.
272
00:11:58,069 --> 00:12:00,309
Tell me, Nelson,
how is your mother?
273
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:02,176
What was her job again?
274
00:12:02,177 --> 00:12:06,147
I believe some sort of
freelance entertainer? Hmm?
275
00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:09,591
- Stripper.
- Ah, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes.
276
00:12:09,592 --> 00:12:11,302
And your father,
is he still living
277
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:13,765
with his secret other family
in Shelbyville?
278
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,667
Huh? Is he? Is he?
279
00:12:15,671 --> 00:12:18,441
We were the secret family, idiot.
280
00:12:19,444 --> 00:12:22,384
- (gasps)
- (groans) He wedgied me!
281
00:12:22,384 --> 00:12:25,594
My "person of the year" status
didn't protect me at all!
282
00:12:25,591 --> 00:12:28,461
(gasps)
Nelson, you're an adult,
283
00:12:28,462 --> 00:12:30,502
and you still do this?
284
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,840
Not cool, dude.
285
00:12:31,836 --> 00:12:33,966
I mean, you can shake off
a punch to the face,
286
00:12:33,974 --> 00:12:36,684
but those underpants are
stretched forever, man.
287
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:41,690
Nelson, I really thought that
by this time that... (grunts)
288
00:12:41,690 --> 00:12:43,760
You never learn.
289
00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:48,038
Love is so fickle.
290
00:12:49,806 --> 00:12:52,776
Lou, can you jam my butt
into this bathroom?
291
00:12:52,778 --> 00:12:54,208
Oh, man.
292
00:12:55,551 --> 00:12:57,761
HOMER:
Five years later.
293
00:12:57,755 --> 00:12:59,725
Why do I have to say it again?
294
00:12:59,726 --> 00:13:01,796
Couldn't you use
the one I said last time?
295
00:13:01,796 --> 00:13:05,596
And I asked for a 3 Musketeers
about an hour ago.
296
00:13:06,606 --> 00:13:10,606
(chewing): Ah, good
but a little disappointing.
297
00:13:10,614 --> 00:13:11,924
Looking for a phone?
298
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,686
I recommend the one
that attaches to your brainstem.
299
00:13:14,689 --> 00:13:17,999
(gasps) Nelson. Hi.
300
00:13:17,995 --> 00:13:21,395
Minimally invasive surgery
and updates you barely notice.
301
00:13:21,402 --> 00:13:23,042
(groaning)
302
00:13:23,039 --> 00:13:26,479
So, listen, sorry about
what I did to Hubert.
303
00:13:26,478 --> 00:13:27,778
How're you two doing?
304
00:13:27,782 --> 00:13:29,552
Great. Great.
305
00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:31,062
(chuckles):
Great.
306
00:13:31,055 --> 00:13:34,155
You know,
his company is doing fantastic.
307
00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:35,401
(chiming)
308
00:13:35,496 --> 00:13:40,936
The new ePhone 67 enables users
to actually meld their minds.
309
00:13:40,941 --> 00:13:43,611
Experience intimate contact
with your loved ones
310
00:13:43,613 --> 00:13:45,623
with a minimum of pop-up ads.
311
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:46,917
And most importantly,
312
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,760
we care about our workers.
313
00:13:48,757 --> 00:13:50,027
Thanks to this innovation,
314
00:13:50,026 --> 00:13:53,696
we're finally able to
pay them $16 an hour.
315
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,670
In store credit.
316
00:13:55,671 --> 00:13:57,781
How are you and Rott?
317
00:13:57,775 --> 00:13:59,845
We're great. We're good.
318
00:13:59,846 --> 00:14:02,746
Not that good. She left me.
319
00:14:02,752 --> 00:14:05,462
Here's a little fact
to put in your mind.
320
00:14:05,456 --> 00:14:07,896
Hubert and I are separated, too.
321
00:14:07,895 --> 00:14:10,225
- (device chimes)
- Meet cute: achieved.
322
00:14:10,233 --> 00:14:12,743
Time to go to the next level.
323
00:14:12,738 --> 00:14:15,338
♪
324
00:14:15,343 --> 00:14:16,353
BOTH:
Coffee!
325
00:14:16,345 --> 00:14:18,015
- (music stops)
- LISA: We just want coffee!
326
00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:21,490
I should never have left
my home planet.
327
00:14:21,488 --> 00:14:24,328
ALL: Today's temperature
is 50 below zero.
328
00:14:24,327 --> 00:14:26,427
Would you like to
order mittens?
329
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,965
So, my ex and I split up
because of a fight,
330
00:14:30,974 --> 00:14:34,054
a fight she had at a fight club
without telling me.
331
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:37,387
Ugh, there's nothing worse
than dishonest punching.
332
00:14:37,387 --> 00:14:39,157
But enough talking about
other women.
333
00:14:39,157 --> 00:14:42,527
Lisa, I'm tired of only
seeing you every five years.
334
00:14:42,531 --> 00:14:47,511
I'd like to see you
every three years or two or...
335
00:14:47,508 --> 00:14:50,148
or... on a weekly basis!
336
00:14:50,146 --> 00:14:52,216
Nelson Muntz,
I would really like
337
00:14:52,217 --> 00:14:54,887
to get to know you better, too.
338
00:14:55,891 --> 00:15:01,441
♪ It had to be you ♪
339
00:15:04,107 --> 00:15:08,347
♪ It had to be you ♪
340
00:15:10,219 --> 00:15:13,859
♪ I wondered around ♪
341
00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:18,140
♪ And finally found ♪
342
00:15:18,904 --> 00:15:22,984
♪ The somebody who... ♪
343
00:15:24,147 --> 00:15:26,017
What about Milhouse?
344
00:15:27,086 --> 00:15:30,156
If I'm a simulation,
why am I so lonely?
345
00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:32,529
Who does that benefit?
346
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:37,012
Lisa! Lisa!
347
00:15:37,006 --> 00:15:39,476
Uh, wait a minute. (grunts)
348
00:15:39,478 --> 00:15:41,218
- I want you back.
- No.
349
00:15:45,624 --> 00:15:48,064
Lisa, through the miracle
of constant repeated
350
00:15:48,062 --> 00:15:49,902
electroshock therapy,
I've fixed everything
351
00:15:49,899 --> 00:15:51,069
about myself,
and now I am good.
352
00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:54,138
I am great.
I am awesomeness itself.
353
00:15:54,141 --> 00:15:56,651
(chuckles) Oh, attitude reset.
354
00:15:58,015 --> 00:16:00,045
- (crackling)
- (grunting, belches)
355
00:16:00,052 --> 00:16:01,862
Take me back. Please.
356
00:16:01,856 --> 00:16:03,186
See, I say please now.
357
00:16:03,192 --> 00:16:04,662
You want me to beg?
358
00:16:04,662 --> 00:16:05,832
This guy begs.
359
00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:07,231
(crackling)
360
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,903
I don't know. Why should I?
361
00:16:08,904 --> 00:16:10,674
Why don't you look outside?
362
00:16:10,674 --> 00:16:12,484
(whirring)
363
00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:20,192
You can run
my charitable foundation.
364
00:16:20,193 --> 00:16:21,733
You can save the planet.
365
00:16:21,729 --> 00:16:24,939
All the dreams you laid out
in this second-grade paper.
366
00:16:24,936 --> 00:16:28,076
You kept that this whole time?
367
00:16:28,075 --> 00:16:30,545
Oh, no, what do I do now?
368
00:16:30,547 --> 00:16:33,347
Um... um...
369
00:16:33,352 --> 00:16:36,932
They say if you love something,
let it go.
370
00:16:36,926 --> 00:16:39,226
And if it loves you,
it'll come back.
371
00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:43,611
Ex-Except for your turtle which
got smushed by that mail truck.
372
00:16:43,607 --> 00:16:45,307
Follow your dreams, Lisa.
373
00:16:45,309 --> 00:16:48,249
Like you said
in your graduation speech.
374
00:16:48,249 --> 00:16:50,789
You remember my speech!
375
00:16:50,787 --> 00:16:52,017
Aw!
376
00:16:52,023 --> 00:16:53,993
(scoffs) He remembered one line.
377
00:16:53,994 --> 00:16:56,034
I have it all.
378
00:16:57,133 --> 00:17:00,643
Hubert, this is a side of you
I've never seen.
379
00:17:00,641 --> 00:17:02,551
Goodbye, Nelson.
380
00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:07,047
You idiot.
381
00:17:07,888 --> 00:17:10,028
Woah, those really hurt.
382
00:17:10,026 --> 00:17:11,896
HOMER:
Four months later.
383
00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:13,326
Wait, that wasn't the end?
384
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:14,872
She doesn't end up with Hubert?
385
00:17:14,869 --> 00:17:16,909
Oh, wait, oh, I see.
386
00:17:16,906 --> 00:17:18,576
There's still another page here.
387
00:17:18,577 --> 00:17:21,247
Okay. Lisa and Nelson get
a phone call.
388
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:23,588
Their best friends
are getting married.
389
00:17:23,587 --> 00:17:25,017
The bully with the hat
390
00:17:25,022 --> 00:17:26,992
and Krusty's daughter.
391
00:17:26,993 --> 00:17:29,033
And why am I doing this?
Am I dead?
392
00:17:29,030 --> 00:17:30,470
I hope not.
393
00:17:32,237 --> 00:17:34,437
- (phone rings)
- (groans)
394
00:17:34,441 --> 00:17:35,741
BOTH:
Hello?
395
00:17:35,744 --> 00:17:37,384
- Will you be my maid of honor?
- Will you be my best man?
396
00:17:37,380 --> 00:17:38,650
- I can't believe
- I can't believe
397
00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:39,920
- how much I love him.
- how much I love her.
398
00:17:39,919 --> 00:17:40,919
BOTH:
Oh, how are you?
399
00:17:40,921 --> 00:17:42,561
- Meh.
- Same old, same old.
400
00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:43,828
Blah, blah, blah.
401
00:17:43,827 --> 00:17:46,327
BOTH:
I just hope you find
the happiness I have.
402
00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:49,471
It's so great
when severely damaged people,
403
00:17:49,471 --> 00:17:52,041
like all of us,
find each other.
404
00:17:52,043 --> 00:17:54,113
So, can I count on you?
405
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:56,054
BOTH:
Sure.
406
00:17:56,051 --> 00:17:58,321
- She's so lucky.
- He's so lucky.
407
00:17:59,859 --> 00:18:01,259
I don't have a dog.
408
00:18:01,261 --> 00:18:03,271
I got to fix that screen door.
409
00:18:05,069 --> 00:18:08,139
("Wedding March" playing)
410
00:18:09,344 --> 00:18:11,484
So, Sophie and Jimbo.
411
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,921
I guess
some people have happy endings.
412
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,760
Come on, Lisa. Use the crook
of your arm, not the forearm.
413
00:18:17,761 --> 00:18:20,071
No one ever taught you
how to interlock arms?
414
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:22,236
I know you're not really angry.
415
00:18:22,236 --> 00:18:24,406
I know what this is
really about.
416
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:27,007
Just because you know everything
and I know nothing
417
00:18:27,013 --> 00:18:29,183
doesn't make you
smarter than me.
418
00:18:29,184 --> 00:18:30,854
Well, maybe it does a little.
419
00:18:30,854 --> 00:18:36,034
(scoffs) You told me to go,
and now you're mad I did.
420
00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:38,541
You haven't changed
since elementary school.
421
00:18:38,536 --> 00:18:41,336
Nobody changes
after elementary school.
422
00:18:41,341 --> 00:18:43,911
The church is eating me.
423
00:18:43,913 --> 00:18:46,353
Thanks for coming.
Thanks for coming.
424
00:18:46,351 --> 00:18:48,391
And thanks to
this hologram of my father
425
00:18:48,389 --> 00:18:51,599
who's about to perform this
beautiful interfaith ceremony.
426
00:18:51,596 --> 00:18:54,496
My son, you are
a big needy nothing.
427
00:18:54,502 --> 00:18:57,712
Aw, his speech
from my bar mitzvah.
428
00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:59,308
That always gets me.
429
00:18:59,311 --> 00:19:01,751
People ask me, "Why Jimbo?"
430
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:05,189
And I say, "Screw you,
mind your own business, Mom."
431
00:19:05,189 --> 00:19:06,529
But there's more.
432
00:19:06,526 --> 00:19:07,626
He's honest.
433
00:19:07,628 --> 00:19:09,358
He doesn't hide
who he really is,
434
00:19:09,364 --> 00:19:11,774
and there's no one
I could be more in love with.
435
00:19:11,769 --> 00:19:14,269
LISA: Have I been missing it
the whole time?
436
00:19:14,274 --> 00:19:16,014
Is Nelson the one?
437
00:19:16,011 --> 00:19:18,851
No. You love Hubert.
438
00:19:23,325 --> 00:19:27,795
You are the smartest, sweetest,
funniest person I've ever met.
439
00:19:28,903 --> 00:19:31,213
Eh, I'll never have a life.
440
00:19:32,010 --> 00:19:33,580
Nelson.
441
00:19:33,580 --> 00:19:35,120
They're bailing!
442
00:19:35,116 --> 00:19:36,816
Thank God I had understudies.
443
00:19:36,819 --> 00:19:39,689
("Wedding March" plays)
444
00:19:42,497 --> 00:19:43,797
What are you doing out here?
445
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,710
You'll catch cold.
Come on, take my jacket.
446
00:19:48,142 --> 00:19:50,182
Why did you follow me?
447
00:19:50,179 --> 00:19:53,249
I followed you
because I adore you.
448
00:19:53,252 --> 00:19:55,122
Lisa, I used to know
what it was like
449
00:19:55,122 --> 00:19:57,262
to hurt a person
for no reason.
450
00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:59,030
Don't do it to me.
451
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:00,800
I couldn't be more serious.
452
00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:03,411
I love you
because you're the last person
453
00:20:03,405 --> 00:20:04,535
I want to talk to at night.
454
00:20:04,542 --> 00:20:07,822
When you say "Smell you later,"
455
00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:09,375
I do want to smell you later.
456
00:20:09,384 --> 00:20:11,394
Wherever I've gone
in my life,
457
00:20:11,388 --> 00:20:14,458
I'm drawn back to you
like a dork's face to a swirly.
458
00:20:14,461 --> 00:20:16,901
And when I get all wrapped up
in my feelings,
459
00:20:16,899 --> 00:20:20,409
you're the one who tells me
feelings are dumb.
460
00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:22,406
But they are dumb,
if you throw away everything
461
00:20:22,410 --> 00:20:24,980
for a loser in a clip-on tie.
462
00:20:24,982 --> 00:20:26,992
I'll tell you what I want, mister.
463
00:20:26,986 --> 00:20:28,886
Haw... Huh?
464
00:20:30,226 --> 00:20:32,056
(bell tolling)
465
00:20:32,063 --> 00:20:35,443
I lost the girl,
but I got the bell.
466
00:20:38,342 --> 00:20:40,052
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
467
00:20:40,045 --> 00:20:41,715
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
468
00:20:41,716 --> 00:20:43,186
and TOYOTA.
469
00:20:43,185 --> 00:20:45,555
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
470
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:52,096
So, I was doing a panel at CPAC,
471
00:20:52,103 --> 00:20:53,973
the Clone Political
Action Committee.
472
00:20:53,973 --> 00:20:55,243
Not the other one, they suck.
473
00:20:55,242 --> 00:20:57,512
And I saw
the tallest drink of water
474
00:20:57,514 --> 00:20:59,154
I'd ever seen in my life.
475
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:00,420
(chuckles)
476
00:21:00,419 --> 00:21:02,089
I looked at him and said,
"There's a man
477
00:21:02,089 --> 00:21:03,489
I'd like to share a bed with."
478
00:21:03,492 --> 00:21:06,432
That was a thing
in my day. It was!
479
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:08,541
Then I found out
he was an actor
480
00:21:08,536 --> 00:21:10,466
and, uh, boy,
that was a red flag.
481
00:21:10,473 --> 00:21:13,213
Well, yes, but now
we've been running mates
482
00:21:13,212 --> 00:21:15,052
for four straight terms.
483
00:21:15,049 --> 00:21:16,319
Didn't hurt that
we were running
484
00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:18,858
against Jimmy Carter
and Grover Cleveland.
485
00:21:18,857 --> 00:21:20,687
(laughter)
486
00:21:20,694 --> 00:21:21,934
Oh, we'll be back.
487
00:21:21,929 --> 00:21:24,999
Between my malaise
and his mugwumps, we can't lose.
488
00:21:25,002 --> 00:21:26,772
(laughter)
489
00:21:29,645 --> 00:21:30,745
Shh!35022
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