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MUSIC: The Look
by Roxette
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# One, two, three, four
3
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# Walking like a man
Hitting like a hammer
4
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,879
# She's a juvenile scam
Never was a quitter
5
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,120
# Tasty like a raindrop
She's got the look... #
6
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,800
My nerves are shot to shit.
7
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I should have called an ambulance.
8
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This is mad.
9
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I'm going to call an ambulance.
10
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,320
I'm fine!
Argh, Jesus, Kath!
11
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,959
You nearly gave me a heart attack.
Sorry.
12
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,999
We've got to sort out that gash.
KATH SNIGGERS
13
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,639
Oh, grow up!
14
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,799
Here, I've got some plasters
in my drawer.
15
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,480
It's absolutely pissing out.
16
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,759
Actually, now that I've got you,
17
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,439
I wanted to speak to you
about Martin...
18
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:09,879
Ah, ah! I need another drink.
19
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,040
Go on, then, make mine a large.
20
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,679
Oh, bloody hell!
21
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I've ripped my skirt.
22
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You can pay for that.
23
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,719
Good evening, ladies...
24
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,679
Oh, I'm sorry - good afternoon.
25
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,759
I'm still on Milan time!
LADIES GIGGLE
26
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,239
I have flown in
and come straight here to you
27
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,919
so you can get your hands on the
latest fashions from the catwalks.
28
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,839
Genuine leather, silk-lined.
29
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,119
You've probably seen
these in The Vogue, eh?
30
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,839
I know class when I see it, and you
ladies look like a classy bunch, eh?
31
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LAUGHTER
32
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Don't worry, Martin's got your back.
33
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:48,599
For one day only - it must be
the jet lag - for one day only...
34
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,879
Am I going crazy? For one day only,
I am giving you these Gucci clutches
35
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,519
for 20 quid each,
no questions asked.
36
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,079
I'll even throw in one of these
Kappa trackie tops
37
00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,559
for the old fella.
38
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,799
I mean, I feel like Daley Thompson
in mine.
39
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,199
I could smash 100 metres and
still go for pints with the lads.
40
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,639
And look at this.
LADIES COO
41
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,159
That is your actual Nasa technology,
yeah.
42
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,399
She knows what I'm talking about,
don't you, sweetheart?
43
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How many am I putting you down for?
44
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SHOP MUZAK PLAYS
45
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:28,799
Hello.
46
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,479
Oh, hello.
47
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:31,759
Veronica.
48
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,199
I'm the owner, and personal stylist.
49
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,599
Ha, ha!
50
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,070
Anything special?
I'm just browsing, thank you.
51
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,439
Special occasion?
52
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,920
Well, erm...
53
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,479
..yes, actually.
54
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,039
I'm going on a date.
55
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,159
Well, maybe not a date.
56
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,079
Oh, God, he probably doesn't even
think it's a date.
57
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,039
No, we're just going dancing,
no biggie...
58
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:59,079
Just...just two friends. Just...
59
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,639
Just a woman and a very
attractive man. That's it.
60
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:02,919
Oh, good for you.
61
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:06,759
So, first date. Mm.
Oh, I can't even imagine.
62
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:11,759
I've been happily married
to Geoffrey for 31 years.
63
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,800
Yeah. He's a barrister.
64
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,599
Well, he's retired now, but...
65
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,679
He lost his legs on a rogue
ski lift, Val-d'Isere.
66
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,319
Christmas '88. Aww. Yeah.
67
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,359
But, no. Oh, no.
68
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,399
Oh, that doesn't stop us.
69
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,799
No, I am a very, very lucky woman.
70
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,119
Well, he's the lucky one,
if I may say. You look incredible.
71
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:37,159
Oh, well, head-to-toe Pastiche,
you see. Always plugging. Oh!
72
00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:41,919
But also I should say, erm, I was a
semi-pro Latin and ballroom dancer,
73
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:46,479
so I am blessed with
a very fast metabolism. Yes.
74
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:50,159
I was just admiring that snazzy
little lilac suit in the window.
75
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:53,200
You don't have it in my size,
do you? What size are you?
76
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,599
12.
77
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,399
I don't think so!
78
00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,679
VERONICA LAUGHS
79
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,719
And you're wearing the wrong bra
for a start!
80
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,439
No! That's not going to fit
across your bust.
81
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,520
It's French sizing.
82
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,119
I don't know where to start,
Veronica.
83
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,959
I'm sort of looking for the allure
of Princess Di,
84
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,000
but with the sass of Fergie.
85
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,159
Cos, well, for the first time
in years
86
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,799
things are starting to look up
87
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:25,119
and I think I need a wardrobe
to showcase the new me.
88
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,719
Do you know what I mean?
89
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:27,999
No.
90
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,799
But, you know, I get a lot of
frumpy middle-aged ladies like you
91
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,439
coming in here, saying "Oh, I feel
fat," and, "I feel plain,"
92
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,399
you know? Or kind of worthless.
93
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,759
But not you,
because you're embracing it.
94
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,079
Thank...you?
95
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,519
Come on, let's get you Pastiched.
96
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,599
This way.
97
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,120
TOILET FLUSHES
98
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:54,359
Listen, soz about the awards do.
99
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,799
I was a little bit pissed
and I hadn't eaten.
100
00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,479
You bit a man!
It was self-defence.
101
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:01,680
SANDY SCOFFS
102
00:05:01,681 --> 00:05:04,159
What's the craic here, anyway?
103
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,439
What do you mean?
104
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,119
Hmm... It's a hotel room,
there's a camping stove,
105
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,879
a rowing machine and a strimmer.
106
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,799
I'm no Kojak,
but are you living here?
107
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,319
It's complicated.
108
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:15,959
Hmm... Not really.
109
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,279
They're either your skiddy undies
on the floor or they're not.
110
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:19,799
Fuckin' 'ell!
111
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,159
I'm not as thick as I look,
Sandy. Come on...
112
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SHE PATS THE SOFA
113
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Come on, have a seat.
114
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,599
That's it. Oh...
115
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Steady.
116
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,360
Come on, now. OK. Well...
117
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,679
..thing is, me and me wife, Jean,
we, erm...
118
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:35,839
Oh, she's chucked you out.
119
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,839
No! No, she's not chucked me out.
120
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,919
We're just having a little
break, all right?!
121
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,839
All right. Touchy.
122
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,399
Yeah, well, she has been touchy.
123
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,719
A bit too bloody touchy
if you ask me.
124
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,439
Yeah, I caught her red-handed
with her tennis coach.
125
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,719
Slip of a lad, he's only 33.
126
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,160
33! Pfft!
127
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,879
Fair play to her.
128
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,079
It's my own fault.
129
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,799
I've been that busy trying
to sort Diane out at Parker's,
130
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,119
I took my eye off the ball.
131
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,439
I wouldn't mind,
but she's crap at tennis.
132
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,840
I've told her that for years.
Waste of my money.
133
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,920
I've basically been pimping her out.
134
00:06:07,921 --> 00:06:11,159
I'm heartbroken about it,
tell you the truth.
135
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,520
Oh, bless you.
136
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,319
Look, while I've got you...
137
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,599
She'll probably go back to being
a Hackman now. Who will?
138
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:21,719
Jean, if she divorces me.
Hackman's her maiden name.
139
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,040
Nigh-on 30 years
we've been together.
140
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,639
Jean Hackman?!
141
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,119
Piss off!
142
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,279
Three beautiful kids,
two German Shepherds
143
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,719
and a ten-grand conservatory
pissed up the wall.
144
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,039
Like the film star?
145
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,839
I'm not coping well without her.
146
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,999
Aww! No, no shit, Sandy.
147
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,839
You're living in a scuzzy
hotel room.
148
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,959
It friggin' stinks in here.
149
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,799
Crack open the window,
spray some Glade.
150
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,839
Yeah, you're right.
You're right!
151
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,119
I don't know why
I'm telling you all this.
152
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,519
Well, I've been told
I'm a very good listener.
153
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,679
Well, you have to be
in my line of work, you see.
154
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,359
People just seem to want
to open up to me, you know?
155
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,760
They do. They really do.
156
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,040
You know what you need?
157
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,680
You need some Sandy time.
158
00:07:05,681 --> 00:07:08,199
Now, let me tell you about...
No, no, no, no.
159
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,319
Listen, I've said
too much already, OK?
160
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,960
Just forget about it.
Forget about it, OK?!
161
00:07:12,961 --> 00:07:17,119
You probably...probably need to be
getting off anyway, don't you?
162
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,200
Do...? It's getting late, so..
163
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,399
Oh...
164
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,799
Oh, God, Sandy,
I've just gone dead dizzy.
165
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,919
Oh, no. Should I...?
166
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,960
Should I order us some room service?
167
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,759
Yeah! Yeah, why not, eh?
168
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,799
Yeah! And I can whack us
some beans on.
169
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,679
CAMPING STOVE IGNITES
Perfect!
170
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,359
SANDY CHUCKLES
171
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,399
# Money talks... #
Enjoy, thank you very much.
172
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,279
Yes, love? You've gone for red too.
Popular colour.
173
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,519
Thank you. Thank you.
174
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:47,919
Yes, love?
175
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,759
Yes, you can.
176
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,040
Here you go. Thank you.
177
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:56,279
Yeah, I'm going to be here tomorrow,
so tell all your friends and family.
178
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:59,159
Come on, lady.
It's catwalk time.
179
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,119
I don't think it's me, Veronica.
180
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,879
That's because you've forgotten
who your me is.
181
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,240
I don't think so.
I'm coming in.
182
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,399
Oh, yes.
183
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,839
Stunning!
184
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,759
Now, that would not look out
of place at a captain's table.
185
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,320
It's very shiny.
186
00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:24,559
You see the thing is, his ex
was very young, very beautiful.
187
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,960
Very young.
188
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,759
How do I compete with that?
189
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,759
You can't.
190
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,879
I love the fascinator.
PHONE RINGS
191
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,079
Oh, sorry, that'll be work.
192
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,560
Oh, I don't get a minute.
193
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,239
Hello.
194
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,639
I can't hear you.
195
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,999
Guess what?
Look, is this important, Julie?
196
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,319
I'm in the middle of something.
197
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,439
So am I.
this is my fourth Mini Milk today.
198
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,279
Tell a lie - fifth.
What do you want?
199
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,280
Hang on, I wrote it down.
Oh, God...
200
00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:00,279
Er, nappies, 20 Silk Cut...
201
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,159
Not that, wrong side.
202
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,799
Er, Kath's been run over.
203
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,690
Sandy thinks he's killed her.
Oh, my God! Where are they?!
204
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,400
Just tell me where they are, Julie!
205
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,719
KATH: You're better off without her,
Sandy.
206
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:18,280
Curly fries on tap?
It's an absolute dream.
207
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,359
They must have a little machine.
208
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,799
SLURRING SLIGHTLY: Not a patch
on Portuguese food, though.
209
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,279
Jean's favourite.
210
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,279
You can get a full English
most places.
211
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,800
The bacon's a bit ropey,
but the eggs are like nectar.
212
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,679
Jean won't have her egg touch
her beans, you know?
213
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,559
No, no, no, she's very funny
about it.
214
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:39,479
We need to build a sausage wall.
Hmm.
215
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:43,879
I bet you do. We like this one place
in Vilamoura - The Copper Kettle.
216
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,159
They have a brilliant singer on,
woman from Keswick.
217
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,639
She does Bassey,
she does Tina Turner.
218
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,359
We get up, we have a boogie.
219
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:51,759
Aw, I love dancing, me.
220
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,119
I miss her so much.
221
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,679
Who, the woman from Keswick?
222
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,240
No! Jean!
223
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,839
Do you know what?
You've surprised me, Sandy.
224
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:05,239
I've seen a lovely, tender side
to you today. It's very caring.
225
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,159
But let's be honest -
you can be a proper bastard.
226
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,320
Well, you've surprised me and all,
if you don't mind me saying.
227
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,600
You're a lovely woman, Kath.
228
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,319
Not my cup of tea but, er...
229
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,599
Hey, every pan has its lid.
230
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:23,120
And I think Martin's been
a bastard to you, and Diane. Mm.
231
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:25,960
Speaking of Martin...
232
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,079
..I really need you to give him
a job, Sandy.
233
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,999
Pff, over my dead body!
234
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,719
But he's changed.
Poppycock!
235
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,519
A man like him'll never change.
236
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,559
He threatened me with a 9-iron
this morning. Did you know that?
237
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:39,840
No, I didn't.
238
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,239
But other than that...
239
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,319
No. He's finished round here.
240
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,480
I just need you to give him a...
241
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:52,799
Actually... Yeah, actually I am
doing this for you and for Jean.
242
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,359
Do you want her back or what?
243
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,439
What's my Jean got to do
with Martin Parker?
244
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,439
Well, you said yourself that
you took your eye off the ball.
245
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,159
Jean's the ball.
246
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,799
You need to spend less time working
247
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,399
and more time playing
with your ball -
248
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,560
with Jean, yeah?
249
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,719
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, maybe.
250
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,919
Ahh.
Anyway, look, you've drunk me dry!
251
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,879
Sod it, I'm going to order
some more booze.
252
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,519
This has been just what
I needed today.
253
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,079
Get some more curly fries
while you're at it.
254
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,360
And then, we will chat again later.
255
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,879
Kelly-Sue, it's Sandy in 106.
256
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,359
Can we get some more curly fries,
please?
257
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,119
Oh! Oh...
258
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,999
Excuse me. My sister,
Kath Pennington,
259
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,230
she's been in an accident.
Is she still here?
260
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,559
We've no accidents listed,
261
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,839
unless she was here last week
on a stag do
262
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,999
and singed her testicles
on a trouser press.
263
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,320
Well, what about a Mr Sandy Cooper?
Is he here?
264
00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,799
Cooper...
265
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,040
Come on.
266
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,279
Room 106.
267
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,519
Thank you! And don't fiddle
with the trouser press!
268
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,080
No!
269
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,359
Wahey!
270
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,799
Kath, power's on,
we're back in business.
271
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,359
And I have got some fantastic news.
272
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,759
I've just gone and got myself
an executive sales role.
273
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,759
There's going to be big money
in this.
274
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:25,519
Oh, and I've taken one of Joe
O'Leary's sexy pills to celebrate,
275
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,919
so prepare yourself, chicken.
ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS
276
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,160
Chicken?
277
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,000
You have two new messages.
278
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,759
Oi, Martin where's my minibus?
You're a cheeky twa...
279
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,719
Message deleted.
280
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:41,319
Hiya, Mr Parker - Martin. Still
can't get used to calling you that.
281
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:42,639
Kath...?!
282
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,119
Diane told me to ring you to tell
you that Sandy's run Kath over...
283
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:48,239
What?! She might be dead,
but we don't quite know yet.
284
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,719
At the Grand Hotel.
That's what I've written down.
285
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,599
Shit! I really hope
he hasn't killed her,
286
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,279
I do like Kath,
but that's all I know.
287
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,719
Diane's on her way now.
288
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,759
OK, Mr Parker...
Martin!
289
00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,759
Oh, it's Julie, by the way.
Thank you.
290
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,119
ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS
291
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,199
For some reason
I can't get Granada,
292
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,959
but other than that,
it's a cracking picture.
293
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,999
Well, you know
who's good with tellies...
294
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,559
KNOCK AT DOOR
Oh, that'll be the room service.
295
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:11,999
Do you mind getting that, love?
296
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,119
It's just the old waterworks
aren't what they were.
297
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,759
FRANTIC KNOCKING
Right, I'm coming, I'm coming.
298
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,719
I'm coming, OK.
299
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,639
Hi! Oh! Oh, thank God.
300
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,959
Oh, I thought you were dead!
Oh, God, I've been worried sick!
301
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,559
Will you keep your voice down?
Sandy's on the bog.
302
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,119
Look at you! You look fabulous.
303
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,199
You look so shiny.
I love your little hat.
304
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,599
Are you hurt? Are you OK?
Oh, my God, your head.
305
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,599
Sandy told Julie he'd run you over.
Yes, well, he did, but I'm fine.
306
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,239
I'm just milking it now to try
and get Martin a job.
307
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,199
What?! I don't know what you were
moaning about, Diane.
308
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,639
He's dead nice.
I think you're concussed.
309
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,399
TOILET FLUSHES
You're going to have to go. What?
310
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,879
I'm going to give it one last crack.
No! Please. Come on...
311
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,119
Oh, Diane!
312
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,279
Come in, come in.
The more the merrier!
313
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,999
Hey, where are you going? You look
like you're off to the Oscars.
314
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,319
Julie called me.
False alarm, I'm afraid.
315
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,799
Oh, Sandy, you're leathered.
316
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,599
We did have a bit of an accident,
didn't we, Kath?
317
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,839
but look at her - she's fine!
SANDY GIGGLES
318
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,319
Hey, I don't know what you've been
moaning about, Diane.
319
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,239
This little one's
a breath of fresh air.
320
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,960
Aww, cheers, mate!
321
00:14:09,961 --> 00:14:13,399
Come on, you need to leave. Please.
I didn't even realise until today...
322
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,919
Go on. ..how much I needed to
let my hair down.
323
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,479
I've let everything
get on top of me.
324
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,519
And I think, on reflection,
325
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,439
I may have been a bit hard on you,
Diane.
326
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,879
See? But hey, we've got
more drinks coming!
327
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,159
Let's get the music on...
328
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:28,879
MUSIC: Gypsy Woman
by Crystal Waters
329
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,359
..and push this bed back.
330
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,439
What you doing, Kath?
Oh, are we having a boogie?
331
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:34,319
Keep the cardi on.
Come on, Sandy.
332
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:35,599
Keep that cardi on!
333
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,679
And then we can finish our chat
from earlier. Woo!
334
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,039
Are you getting up? Hey!
Come on, snake hips.
335
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,919
Ah, ah, ah! I'll warn you now,
I'm not much of a dancer.
336
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,319
Jean says I dance
like a dog on lino.
337
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,759
Jean sounds like a knob, to be fair.
Hey! Sorry...
338
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,279
Come on, Diane.
339
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,919
No, I'm fine over here, thank you.
340
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,320
She said she's fine.
341
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,479
Hey, I can tell who
the fun sister is.
342
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,719
That's me. Maybe you should come
and work at the shop.
343
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,560
Oh, not me. Maybe Martin?
344
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,279
No.
345
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,279
No. Fuck off.
346
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:12,719
Oh, I say! Come on.
347
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:13,879
No, Diane, no!
348
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:17,519
# La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da... #
349
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,640
I am looking for Kath Pennington.
350
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,639
Hello?
351
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,919
LAUGHTER
Woo!
352
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,480
Like a little matador.
353
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,399
Do you do this in Portugal?
354
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,999
MARTIN: Sandy Cooper's
just run over my missus.
355
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,399
SHE SIGHS
356
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,759
106.
357
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,639
106. Thank you.
358
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:39,999
Woohoo!
359
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,799
Hey, making your mind up!
360
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,639
Whoo! Sandy!
LAUGHTER
361
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,199
# She's just like you and me
362
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:51,359
# As she stands there
singing for money
363
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:55,479
# La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da
364
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,119
# La da dee la dee da
La da dee la dee da...#
365
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,680
DOOR OPENS
366
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,320
MARTIN: What the hell's this?!
367
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,079
MUSIC SILENCES
Oh, hello, Parker!
368
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,719
Come to have another pop, have you?
369
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:11,959
What the hell are you doing here?
370
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,039
Julie told me you were dead.
She's not dead.
371
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,759
She's not dead!
I'm not dead.
372
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,359
Yeah, I can bloody well see that.
373
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,039
You look like a Quality Street.
374
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,239
It's Pastiche.
375
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,799
Oh, shit, you've still got the
tag on. Oh, God, I didn't pay!
376
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,639
What are you doing here, Parker?
377
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,199
Did you not learn your lesson
this morning?
378
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,759
Yeah, I heard about your ding-dong.
379
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,039
Yeah, all right, I had a ding-dong.
380
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,359
Why? Because I found out
about his plans.
381
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,359
Here we go. Plans? What plans?
382
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,279
He's rebranding the shops.
He wants to kill off Parker's.
383
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,079
"Coopers & Co."
Tell her. Tell her.
384
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,479
Tell me what?
385
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,759
The name Parker,
it's toxic round here.
386
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,679
When were you going
to tell me this, Sandy?!
387
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,559
We're supposed to be partners.
Coopers & Co?
388
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,639
Sounds like Legs & Co.
Quiet, Kath.
389
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,399
Don't you talk to her like that!
You what?
390
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,399
You need to leave, Martin!
You should leave.
391
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,199
Oh, should I? Yeah.
Well, this is my room.
392
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,919
He's living here now.
Jean's chucked him out. What?
393
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,759
She's having it off with
a tennis player.
394
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,719
MARTIN LAUGHS
I don't blame her.
395
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,839
It's just a blip. Well, I'm very
angry about Coopers & Co, Sandy,
396
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,239
but you and Jean?
Well, I'm shocked.
397
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,839
Well she was only bragging about her
new dado rails last time I saw her.
398
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,199
I'd never have guessed.
399
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,519
Get your hands off my wife, Cooper!
400
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,919
Your wife?!
That ship's sailed, Martin.
401
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,239
Your bloody wife?!
Jealous are we, Martin?
402
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,040
Of you? Yes, of me.
I don't think so.
403
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,759
This is a hilarious man.
404
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,439
Well, your girlfriend thinks I am.
405
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,839
We've had a wonderful afternoon,
haven't we, Kath?
406
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,879
Yeah, and then your wife joined us.
We've had a right laugh.
407
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,279
What the hell, Kath?
408
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,279
I wasn't having a laugh.
I was trying to get you a job.
409
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,959
What? I thought that
we were having a nice time.
410
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,160
Were you?
411
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,319
Not really.
I thought we were.
412
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,839
Bloody hell, Kath. Sandy Cooper?!
413
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,119
I was doing it for you.
414
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,839
I was trying to get you back
into Parker's.
415
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,599
We need the money,
Diane needs the help.
416
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,359
I don't need any help, thank you.
417
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,479
Yes, you do. You're having
a terrible time,
418
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,239
you think Sandy's a dick.
Yeah, well, everybody does.
419
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,719
What...? What's that? Hey? Oh! Oh!
420
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,959
This better not be because
of Diane's dress!
421
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,639
No, no, it's not that.
Oh, Christ Almighty...
422
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,879
I took one of Joe O'Leary's
arthritis pills, for you. I see...
423
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:06,959
I see what's going on here...
424
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,039
Well, it hasn't worked,
it's made you stiffer.
425
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,519
I don't mind what you lot get up
to behind closed doors,
426
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,279
but you're not bringing it in here.
427
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,399
I will not have another man's
erection in my room. Come on!
428
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,079
How dare you?! I've never had
a man's erection in any room...
429
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,079
Get out! You're bloody tapped, you.
And you. Come on!
430
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,519
No, no. Get out! Sandy, please!
431
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,079
THUD!
432
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:26,360
Oh, my God!
433
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,360
Sandy?
434
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,919
You-you can get up now, Sandy.
435
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,359
I know where he keeps the plasters.
Sandy?
436
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:40,760
Sandy?
437
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,720
Sandy? He's just pissed as a fart.
Let him sleep it off.
438
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,519
He's not breathing. Ooh.
439
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,080
Why isn't he breathing?
440
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:52,880
Oh, shit the bed.
441
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,039
Yeah, he's dead.
Whaa, he's dead.
442
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:57,279
Well, someone call an ambulance!
443
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,799
Well, unless they can do some voodoo
shit and conjure him back
444
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,759
from the dead, it's a waste of time,
Diane. Trust me,
445
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,759
I know a dead body when I see one,
and that's a dead body!
446
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,370
Well, we should check, shouldn't we?
Just double check, for God's sake.
447
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,720
THWACK!
448
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,359
No.
449
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,999
Dead as a door knob.
450
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,479
RIP, fella. Oh, my God,
we're all going to hell.
451
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,359
All of us. All right, nobody panic!
Let me think!
452
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:19,999
This is all your fault, Kath.
453
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,639
How's it my fault? It's your fault.
454
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,079
No, it's your fault.
You're a fucking nightmare.
455
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,879
You should have left
when I told you.
456
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,719
So you could seduce him?!
Seduce who? Sandy?
457
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,879
She plied him with drink...
He plied himself.
458
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,999
What the hell were you
seducing Sandy for, Kath?
459
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,639
She took her cardi off.
Holy God, Kath!
460
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,239
How many times?
I was trying to get you a job!
461
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,599
I have a job!
462
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,319
No! No, you don't, Martin,
because you walked out on Bev.
463
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:42,999
I know everything. Everything!
464
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,919
I have a new job. Eh?
In fashion.
465
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,439
Yeah. Brilliant new job, headhunted.
466
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:48,919
Things are looking up, Kath.
467
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,479
How the hell are things looking up
Martin? Sandy's dead!
468
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:52,879
He's dead on the floor.
469
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,479
Urgh, I can see blood.
470
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,839
There's blood on the carpet.
MARTIN RETCHES
471
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:57,999
I can't look.
472
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,400
DIANE SHUDDERS
473
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,839
Poor Sandy.
474
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,119
He didn't deserve this.
475
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:11,759
We didn't always see eye to eye,
but he didn't deserve this.
476
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,880
He was very misunderstood.
477
00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:17,359
Well, I hate to speak ill
of the dead, but he was a wanker.
478
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:19,279
Martin! Martin! Well, he was.
KNOCK AT DOOR
479
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,039
They're on to us.
What are we going to do?
480
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,559
KNOCK AT DOOR
Room service.
481
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,439
It might be a trap.
482
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,040
It's the curly fries.
Shhh!
483
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:33,519
Martin, you and your erection need
to pretend to be Sandy.
484
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,039
Yeah, well that moment's long gone.
485
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,319
Go on, do Sandy. Do it!
What? Just do it!
486
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:38,640
KNOCK AT DOOR
487
00:20:38,641 --> 00:20:41,839
IN A REEDY VOICE: Could you just
leave it at the door, please?
488
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,959
I've just come out of the shower.
489
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,759
CROCKERY CLINKS OUTSIDE
490
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,559
That was nothing like him.
491
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,319
I could have done better than that.
492
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,879
All right.
I'm not Mike bastard Yarwood!
493
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,919
MARTIN CALLS: And there's
only me here! Sandy Cooper.
494
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,719
Just me, all on my own...
495
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,040
I think they've gone.
Oh, God.
496
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,759
Should we try CPR?
497
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,439
I'm not mouth-to-mouthing.
498
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,399
Well, you seemed eager
enough earlier on.
499
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,559
He is dead, Martin.
You cannot be jealous of a corpse.
500
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,799
Oh, my God,
this can't be happening.
501
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,879
What are we going to do?
What am I going to tell Jean?
502
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,319
You're not telling anybody anything!
You need to calm down, Di.
503
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,359
Calm down? How the hell
am I supposed to calm down?
504
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,399
One minute he's dancing
to Gypsy Woman,
505
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,559
the next he's face-first
on a trouser press.
506
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:26,919
We need to get a wriggle on. Yeah.
507
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,359
Give it half an hour he's going to
be stinking -
508
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,719
shit and snot everywhere. He is
going to go off like a firework.
509
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,119
Ugh...
510
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,760
Oh, shit, the curly fries!
511
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,319
Whoa!
Argh!
512
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,399
I see you're a fan of the curly fry.
Oh, yeah.
513
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,519
But quick heads up -
don't order the cod.
514
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,319
Very disappointing. The batter was
way too soggy, wasn't it, Gill?
515
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,319
THUMPS AND GROANS
And it had been nowhere near a fish,
516
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,839
never even seen a fish, no fish
in it. Just soggy batter on a plate.
517
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,199
MOANS
And this is a so-called three-star.
518
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,359
We complained. Oh, yeah...
519
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:03,119
Got a free portion of the curlies
and a caramel apple granny each.
520
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,479
Well done.
MOANS AND THUMPS INTENSIFY
521
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,639
Is your room all right?
Yeah it's great.
522
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,719
MARTIN, FROM INSIDE: Wait, wait,
wait, wait...
523
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,519
We're not very happy,
if we're honest.
524
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,639
Mould on the shower curtain,
which is giving my asthma some gyp.
525
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,119
OK. Well, lovely to chat.
526
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:17,879
Yeah. Don't let us stop you, love.
527
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,719
OK. See ya! See ya!
528
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,239
See ya. See ya.
529
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,880
GROANS AND THUMPS
Bye!
530
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,599
Bye.
531
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:28,760
Oh, God.
532
00:22:28,761 --> 00:22:31,999
Having a nice chitchat
out there, were you?
533
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,879
We've been shitting bricks in here.
534
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,439
Sorry, some fella and his wife have
been wanging on about fish.
535
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:37,879
I couldn't get away.
536
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,010
I don't know what it is, people just
seem to want to open up to me...
537
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:45,480
Where's Sandy? Well, where do you
think he is, Einstein?
538
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,079
KATH GASPS
539
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,839
I've been wrapping up a corpse
like he's a chippy tea.
540
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,720
No. No.
541
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,399
We can't carry him out in a duvet.
542
00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,839
If that goes missing they will not
be very happy.
543
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,439
Martin, do you not remember the time
544
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,559
that I nicked a dressing gown
from Llandudno? I got done for that!
545
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,239
No, they're very, very strict
about these things.
546
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,879
I think that's
the least of our worries.
547
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:08,999
We'll take him out the back way.
548
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,919
Oh, God, I'm a grandmother
for crying out loud.
549
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,159
Yeah, and I'm a grandfather.
550
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:13,959
Yeah, and I'm a step nana.
Not the same.
551
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,640
No, I can't get involved in this.
Sorry, no way. No way!
552
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,919
We could cut him up.
553
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,399
We'll take him out piece by piece.
554
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,159
We can shove him in the pillowcases,
they don't give a shit about them.
555
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,679
Don't be so stupid.
556
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,479
All right, clever dick,
what's your plan?
557
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,719
Call the police! No. It's what we
should have done straight away.
558
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,719
We need to call them up
and tell the truth.
559
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,079
And what is the truth, Di?
560
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,959
You and your sister in a hotel room
561
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,639
dirty dancing with a pissed-up
dead man? No.
562
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,519
It was an accident, he fell!
563
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,799
Nobody will believe
this was an accident.
564
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,439
Nobody.
565
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,279
He publicly shafted you
at the awards.
566
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,480
And Kath here's been ordering
curly fries willy-nilly.
567
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,919
The two of you are all over this.
568
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,319
Yeah, what about you?
569
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,440
You attacked him at the golf club.
570
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,799
Right, you keep watch.
571
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,919
You grab the feet end.
Oh, God.
572
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,200
Come on.
573
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,160
Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
574
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,439
OK, coast is clear.
Coast is clear. OK, go, go, go.
575
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,119
Slow down! Jesus wept!
576
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:19,959
Oh, hi! Hi, hi...
577
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,559
Oh, hi! Hi!
578
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,119
After more curly fries, are you,
love? Yeah!
579
00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,519
Uh, what was the name
of that pudding?
580
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,999
Caramel apple granny? Caramel apple
granny, that's the one.
581
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,919
Beautiful. Amazing. Yeah.
582
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,000
You can have it hot or cold...
Ohh!
583
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,439
This is a nightmare.
584
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,039
A waking nightmare.
585
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,759
DIANE SNIFFS
586
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,479
Oh, God, can you smell that?
587
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,119
THEY SNIFF
Oh, no.
588
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:46,519
Is he starting to go?
589
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:47,919
Oh, dear God.
590
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,280
Sorry, that was me. Huh?
591
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:51,959
We had beans.
592
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,399
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
593
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,040
Oh, that's his phone. Nobody move.
594
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,599
RINGING STOPS
595
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,039
Oh, God.
596
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,399
DIANE'S PHONE RINGS
Don't answer that.
597
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,519
Diane, get it, get it!
It could be Dad.
598
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,930
Oh, just bloody leave it!
Just leave it. Martin!
599
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:13,479
Hello?
600
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,999
Is Sandy with you?
He's not answering his phone. No.
601
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,999
Why would he be with me?
Why would I be with Sandy?
602
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,559
Can I help you, Julie?
603
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,239
Not really. I need Sandy.
I'll try him again. No!
604
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:24,920
Don't try Sandy again!
605
00:25:24,921 --> 00:25:28,759
What do you want, Julie?
I need the day off next Wednesday.
606
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,799
Yep, no problem, all sorted.
Oh.
607
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,479
Do you not need to know why?
Nope. Found it...
608
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,239
Should I not square it with Sandy?
No, definitely not!
609
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,799
The thing is, woman who does water
births is popping round to yours
610
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,239
with a paddling pool...
611
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:41,600
BEEP!
612
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,799
Are they on to us? No!
613
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,600
We need to get a move on.
614
00:25:49,321 --> 00:25:51,879
We could use the strimmer?
615
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,440
That's a hedge trimmer.
616
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,479
I've got a better idea.
617
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,720
VEHICLE REVERSING BEEPS
618
00:26:02,891 --> 00:26:08,559
So if I get him just at the right
angle, I can just plop him in.
619
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:09,799
Bull's-eye.
620
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,959
This doesn't feel right.
621
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,519
A skip? We chuck out the body,
622
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,279
then we get rid of every trace of us
from this room
623
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:19,679
and then we get back to normal,
yes? Normal?
624
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,440
How do we ever get back to normal?
625
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,239
Fine!
626
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,950
But can we at least say
a little prayer? Oh, if you like.
627
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,319
Does anyone know a prayer? No!
628
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,839
One, two, and wait for three...
629
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:42,359
That's how accidents happen.
630
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:43,759
One, two, three...
631
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,159
THEY GRUNT AND STARIN
632
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:48,399
One more.
633
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,879
One, two, three...
634
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,200
One more.
635
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,240
THUNK!
636
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,479
My stomach is in knots.
637
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,159
Excuse me while I use the en suite.
638
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,239
STOMACH GURGLES
Oh. Oh!
639
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,319
I didn't want to say anything
in front of Diane,
640
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,479
because you know how she panics,
and that just makes me want to panic
641
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,199
and now I just want to cry.
642
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:26,759
We're in deep shit, aren't we?
643
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,199
Oh, chicken,
I promise I'll sort this
644
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:30,879
so that you and me are OK.
645
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,520
We're not OK, Martin.
Trust me.
646
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,759
Friggin' hell. This is so bad!
647
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,639
Yeah. We just need to
get our stories straight.
648
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,119
Yeah, that's what we'll do.
649
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:46,840
We'll get our stories straight
so that you and me are in the clear.
650
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,119
What about Diane? She didn't do
anything. It was an accident.
651
00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:56,239
Hmm. She was kind of grabbing
at him, remember?
652
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:57,679
TOILET FLUSHES
But he fell.
653
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,519
He honestly fell, you saw it.
Yes.
654
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,719
But that was after she had
been plying him with drink.
655
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,839
Yeah, that's the story.
656
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,999
But she wasn't. Oh, for God's sake,
Kath - meet me halfway.
657
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,639
Listen to what I'm saying to you.
658
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:10,839
We weren't even here.
659
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,399
We were at home celebrating
my new job, remember?
660
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,719
This has nothing to do with us...
661
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,239
DIANE SIGHS
All right, Di?
662
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,519
Just gave the sink a quick
once-over.
663
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,199
Lord knows when it last
had a deep clean. Filthy.
664
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,399
Now, remember -
we've all got to get back to normal
665
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,200
and do not draw attention
to ourselves. So, OK...
666
00:28:29,201 --> 00:28:32,079
I'll go back to Mick's
and get some new stock.
667
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,479
What about you, Kath?
668
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,719
Oh, er... I could...
I could go to Dad's.
669
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,239
Very good. Di? Well, I'm going
to Copacabana's with Vinnie.
670
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:40,719
Copaca...
671
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:42,799
Vinnie Hayes?
Maybe I should cancel.
672
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,959
No, don't do that.
673
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,679
It's too late.
It would lead to questions.
674
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,959
Just go,
but don't get too cosy with him.
675
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:53,119
Why not?
Just be careful who you trust.
676
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:54,359
Right.
677
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,079
Don't worry, I've got you.
678
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,880
We're family,
we're in this together. Right?
679
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,360
Fine. Thank you, Martin.
680
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:20,560
# Whatever happened to the heroes?
681
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:26,280
# Whatever happened to the heroes?
682
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:32,560
# Whatever happened
to all the heroes? #
683
00:29:32,610 --> 00:29:37,160
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