Original subtitles

You have a honey now? Since when?

Let it ride.

Done stuff with her?

But that guy's a dick.

He's a walking butthole!

I'm killing myself...

Turn on the sex ray. Walk over and lock lips.

Rape her too? Great advice!

You may not get the chance again.

Don't you ever make a move?

I'm the Arabic romantic type. Plus I'm onto Laura.

Ok, here I go!

Hi there. Ok?

Who are you?

I guess you wouldn't want to go out with me?

No.

Well?

It looks good.

She just split up with a guy

and isn't ready for anything too volcanic yet.

You see. Always make a move. Always.

THE FRENCH KISSERS

Your hair's really classy.

Yeah?

This is kind of awkward...

Don't let anyone see us.

You can keep a secret, right?

I heard what you said to Leslie.

It was cute. She doesn't know what she's missing.

I was thinking we could meet later,

then go to my place and make love.

I want a man's body close to mine.

But only if you want to, ok?

I want to. You bet I do!

See you later.

Laura was supposed to be mine!

Yeah, but I make the moves. On your advice.

She's dumped Loïc?

He'll beat you to a pulp.

She's dumb.

She's so hot.

Her eyes are blue as detergent.

Maybe you'll shag her.

I'll kill myself if you do.

No, first you, then myself.

Go, Lucky Strike!

The TV mag.

Mahmoud...

What now?

- I blow you in the toilets. - Yeah?

With a mug like that?

Well?

What's that?

The biology test.

- There's a test? - Yeah, a test.

"Yeah, a test." Stupid cow.

- You knew? - There's no test.

- There's a test? - Shit, I forgot!

You jerks, he told us two weeks ago.

It'll be just another crap grade for you.

Let me see.

It's too late to revise now!

"It's too late now." Are you dumb or what?

What a clown!

In-flight collision between Hervé and my bag.

Got any cash?

Hey, it's Moumoud! Moumoud, the class hood!

Is it you, Moumoud?

Think you're tough, big boy in the 'hood?

He's paying

for massacring innocents in a previous life.

Hands down.

Who is this brute?

- Loïc, ma'am. - It wasn't me.

Silence. You're in detention!

Put that cross away! Very pretty...

I was revising till midnight. I'm beat.

Let me see the test.

- Yeah, let's see. - Cut it out.

What's it on? Penetration?

Piss off, will you!

Is there a test today?

Camel, hearing you makes me want to go back to bed. Sit down.

Sir, you said the test was next week.

- Is it next week? - Sure, Benjamin. Sit down.

Is there a test?

You're not all going to ask the same question.

You noted it and I told you four times.

Hervé, you only need your pencil case.

Aurore, sit down.

Is there really a test?

Didn't you note it down?

- Yes, I did. - That's good.

I noted there was a test.

That's good, Océane.

Quiet.

Loïc, pass this back.

From all the girls.

Yeah?

UR AN UGLY SHITHED

What is it?

What is it?

Goodbye.

Come and see, sweetheart.

It's a disaster. Look.

My washing's filthy.

Boxers, T-shirts, socks... I'll have to do it all again.

It stinks of shit!

Don't be so vulgar.

No idea what it is.

It's from your teacher's balcony upstairs.

I looked but he says it's not from his place.

He touched me up in the elevator.

He touched my cock like this.

Stupid, that's not funny.

No one will believe you if it ever happens

and it'll ruin your life.

Thanks, I can count on you.

I'm sorry.

Hold on, people can see us.

Fifteenth Street

Hello, everybody, and welcome to your very own show.

This week's class...

Know what I found in my e-mail at the agency?

No, tell me.

Your report. Sent by e-mail. Very modern.

You liked it. Was it a blast?

It's not brilliant.

Can't you get more than 10?

10 is better than less.

They can't throw me out now anyway.

I wish you'd get 11 or 12 for once.

I'd see you making progress.

Like a plant growing.

But you creep over the ground. See what I mean?

You're a poet now?

Your teachers never put "room for improvement".

It's always "average".

There's less and less room for average people.

Nice pasta bake, huh?

I loved that as a kid.

- You're weird. - That's depression.

You get all nostalgic.

I have to express it. How else can I share it?

Hervé...

Be nice...

to your mother.

Move your damn feet.

Come right on in!

Sorry.

No, I'm busy.

Calm down, I just need to put this away.

I want some peace!

- To masturbate? - Enough!

Get out!

From 6 to 8 daily,

your techno wake-up on Bretunes.

Megamix.

Fuck...

So, remember, if B, D and K are equal to zero...

I get on the bus, hold the pole,

and I get this really wild hard-on.

Electromagnetic waves cause that.

In your cock, you have these receivers

that react to engines.

The waves dilate the veins,

they fill with blood and you get hard.

It's hell in construction.

The guys on bulldozers have wood all day long.

I wouldn't mind driving one.

I have your homework.

From last time.

It looks as if most of you don't understand coordinates.

We'll review that.

Can you do it in order?

- Good idea. - No!

To see our ranking,

how we're evolving.

That requires a debate but there's no time now.

- I think we want a debate, sir. - Who asked you?

Sir, Wulfran is class rep.

We elected him. He can do something for once,

so let him.

Sit down.

Who wants to vote on a debate?

Looks like the majority. A debate's in order.

Sit down.

- What is this? - Ranking is good.

- You're nuts. - You're a total crypto-fascist.

You said it. You're nuts.

Life is all about ranking. The strong crush the weak.

I like a chick's feet best.

When I look at a shoe's creases,

I know if a chick has pretty feet.

You're a total deviant fetishist.

So who has pretty feet?

- Laura? - Pretty feet.

- The history teacher. - So-so.

- Jennifer? - No, ugly feet.

Aurore.

Yeah, not bad feet I'd say.

Me?

Yours are gross.

Your face tells me that.

Thanks a lot.

No room here!

Get lost.

We could have let him.

We don't have to.

When do we get a chick?

Jennifer,

I love you. And my love, see,

is like an ocean.

And you're the beach.

Will you be my beach?

Yeah.

Fuck, no!

Hello.

Do you have a double-bass score by Mozart?

Everything's over there.

You again? Stop pissing me off!

What are you staring at? Get lost!

Move it!

Move it!

Hey, you two apes up there, cut it out!

For Christ's sake...

- What? - Excuse me...

Have you seen a man, aged 40,

smoking all the time?

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

My husband went out. There are riots.

De Gaulle has fled.

Didn't you know? This is the future.

They just thawed you out.

Talk about heartless.

Hey, it's funny.

More mail order? Can't we get a real porn mag?

These are real girls. It's good.

Look, it's rare. A collector's item.

La Redoute 1986.

I took it from my gran's after she died.

Noticed?

The photos aren't touched up like nowadays.

Look, you can see

their pussies and nipples.

Silky soft breasts...

Silky, thick breasts, like your hair!

That's my style.

Hi.

That old woman was weird.

Yeah.

- Think it's Alzheimer's? - Probably.

Imagine us like that.

Yeah! We'll get cancer!

- Turn your Arab music down. - Knock!

We share this bathroom.

What were you doing?

Masturbating? Thinking of what?

Of you! Jesus, haven't you heard of privacy?

I gave birth to you, so spare me privacy.

You piss me off, ok!

You piss me off! I'm sick of it!

You fucking piss me off!

Back off or I'll call the abused kids' helpline!

So call it. Call it!

You'll have a great life in a home!

You piss me off!

Yes, it'd be great!

Every day, you're here busting my balls about jerking off!

You piss me off!

You can't jerk off in peace around here!

I don't believe it.

Shit, it sucks.

- What's up? - It's bad.

Yeah?

Why are you crying?

What's going on?

- Good news: Loïc's dead. - No kidding?

What killed him?

The main thing is he's dead.

"My sweet wife,

"I'm writing this on a flat stone

"amid the mud and shells,

"between two showers of icy rain.

"I don't know if it will reach you. I'd rather not think about that."

What was it? An overdose?

Meningitis.

He was doing this like he had a stiff neck.

They'll quarantine us.

I bet loads of us are condemned.

You're losing it, dude.

The gang of four,

you could at least listen with a little respect.

Are you sensitive?

Deep inside.

Are you totally frozen up?

No, sir, we're not frozen up.

Glad to hear it, Camel.

I'll carry on.

"A new offensive has led us into battle."

Hervé, I'll do you a turd burger.

Fuck!

Loïc, death is not always the end.

It can be a beginning too.

Can't it, ma'am?

Yes, that's true.

It's like your final exam. You think it's an end

but it's the start of a new era.

Plus, you're a good student.

What happened?

It was the tap, it's not piss.

Loïc's granddad died.

His granddad! I thought...

Are your grandparents dead?

Yeah, in a crash when I was tiny. I don't remember them.

Crushed, all four in one go.

Mine are alive.

It'd be weird if they died. I love them.

Don't worry, they won't die.

They will one day but not yet.

Grandparents usually die at a really old age.

Are yours average old?

Yeah.

Average means they'll never die.

Well, they will but...

Thanks.

Within the walls of Saint Malo, see Brittany's top rap artists:

Armor Ghetto, Rennes en Force, Les Cousins de Lamballe and others.

With, for this new festival, 50 Cent as the event's sponsor.

A historic event...

Historic...

Fuck!

French: hand in essay on historikal dude.

"And so Curtis Jackson,

"alias 50 Cent, wouldn't be a star if he'd died after the attack

"linked to his various deals.

"As he said, "Guys want me dead but I'm immortal, nigga."

I'm not sure about the conclusion.

It's kind of clumsy.

It's what he said.

Maybe, but it could be more forceful.

And I'm not sure 50 Cent is a historical figure.

C'mon, he's totally historical!

Did the guy who shot him say anything first?

Yeah...

"Fuckin' nigga wise guy. Who d'you think you are, nigga?"

Ok.

Benjamin, Meryl...

I'm scared I might faint.

Faint while you do it!

Follow the cones. Memorize the path.

You'll get over it.

Follow the cones. Good!

Memorize the path.

Gently. That's good.

Not bad. Useless!

She helped you out?

It's a sex thing!

Sure, genius.

Blindfolds, I said.

Hervé, Camel, you now.

Laura's crying. Loïc just dumped her.

Camel, pathetic!

- Are you ok? - Belt up, you ugly cow!

I don't hear the whistle?

Your bag's so heavy!

What's in it?

- You steal stuff? - No.

Let me see.

I steal. I got this today.

- What for? - No idea. It's a buzz.

A really big buzz.

Each time, I tell myself it's the last.

That's when it gets really good.

I often dump the stuff. Stealing's the best part.

Don't you get that?

No.

Usually, I prefer to buy but stealing's cool.

Girls like broken noses.

They're kind of sexy and virile, like boxers.

I'm no big fan though.

I hope mine's not broken. It's huge enough already.

Does it hurt?

- If I do this, does it hurt? - Fuck!

Must be tough kissing.

Gotta go.

What's taking so long?

Piss off, asshole.

Hi.

Busy Saturday night?

Saturday? I don't like going out much on Saturdays.

It's the only day I get to rest, see.

My sister's having a party for her business school diploma.

I can invite some pals.

I don't know if I'm busy. I'll let you know.

Hi.

I'm free. Can I come?

Well, listen...

I'll see.

Are people like Laura going? Is Laura going?

Well, listen...

I have to go.

She wants your body!

Bullshit. She can invite pals.

She insisted on "pals".

She wants your body. I'll hook Laura, Arabic-style.

Gimme the banana.

Pass me the brew.

Are you all set?

There's a corpse-like mood...

Let's get started.

Satan, Prince of Darkness,

allow your children to speak to the dead.

Satan, Prince of Darkness,

allow your children to speak to the dead.

Who are you, Spirit of the Darkness?

Lucifer?

Is it you, Grandpa?

Hitler?

- Fuck, it's Hitler! - Stop right there.

Ask him a question.

Hitler, will I get to lock lips with Laura

or shag her at the party?

N...

O...

W...

A... Y.

Weird, Hitler saying, "No way."

Who'll get a chick first?

B...

E...

N.

Jerk!

You're heavy, dude!

I didn't move it.

My heart was pounding!

I wasn't moving it, ok!

This sucks anyway.

We should kill animals.

Let's get chickens from a pet shop.

- Right. - Let's do the TV thing.

You tune to a scrambled channel,

call up spirits and they create interference.

- That sucks. - It sucks.

All your ideas suck.

- You suck. - Yeah, you suck.

You suck and you're fat.

My phone!

A phone? You only know us.

Shut up.

Hello, Mom?

"Hello, Mom"...

Could you tell Camel not to come, please?

He's forcing himself in and Laura won't come if he does.

It's because he's an Arab, right?

Rubbish. That's not why.

He'll understand. I'm like his big brother.

Can we come to Aurore's party?

- We'd like to come too. - No way.

Try to get us in. Make an effort...

It's not that big, there's no room.

It's invitation only. Some guests can't even come.

It's touch and go for me.

You shit, you could ask.

Forget it. They're glad to get rid of us.

I see what hypocrisy is now.

Get outta here. Give us a break.

- What do we do? - I wanted to tell you...

I mean...

I might not be going.

I bet it'll suck, let's not go.

It'll be a blast. If you don't go

give me her address. I'll go.

You're nuts.

Emma on Mondrian.

Excellent. 18.

It's not the end of the world. You can improve.

"Only tears can heal," Oscar Wilde said.

14 and she's blubbing. What a joke.

Mahmoud...

Not a bad essay on Jimmy Carter.

17. Laura...

"The borderline experiences

"of a teacher in Brittany's gay underworld."

What's that?

Can you sign it?

Later.

Put that away.

Hervé...

An essay on an American rap artist...

50 Cents.

A bad start

but the conclusion sheds a new light. Charming. 12.

Holy cow, 12 out of 20!

The best day of my life!

Camel, you chose Rocco Siffredi.

No historical relevance: 8 out of 20.

I worked my ass off!

Language.

Get out the soldiers' letters.

We'll carry on reading.

Lend us one, we forgot ours.

- Sure. - Cool. Thanks.

Or rather no.

This is hypocrisy, see.

Don't be a shit, man.

I think we were up to...

page 129.

"A new offensive has led us into battle."

- Get down now. - No, I'm ok.

Three heavy flow packs. The violet ones.

Who's this I see?

My pal Hervé.

- Check, man. How goes it? - Hello.

Hello, ma'am.

Mr Jeanquatte, the year supervisor.

- Hello. - Ma'am.

You must have plenty on your plate with him.

He's a real hoodlum, Hervé.

Meaning?

If he's trouble, let me know, ok.

No, he's one of the nicest kids and he's well-behaved too.

He gets that from his father. He's in the army.

Everyone has to get out of his way. Hervé's like that too.

Put him in detention, it'll do him good.

Hello.

Hervé, 3C. And his mother.

We haven't finished.

We'll leave you to it.

Happy shopping.

- It's a secret, ok? - No problem, nigga.

Goodbye.

Is there a girl you're sweet on at this party?

I bet there is.

You actually asked to come here today.

You want to dress up?

You know life inside out.

I know you.

I'm inside your head!

Look at the sweater!

I need one. They all have one in my class.

- Please. - No.

Top quality. It'll last 5 years.

It's an Arab thing. Hideous!

I am an Arab. Please...

You're not coming.

Leave your hair. You're not coming.

- I'll just see where you're going. - Stay here.

Come on.

Get lost now, ok.

- Sure this is it? - Yes, I am.

Cut it out!

You're pissing me off!

Véner? What're you doing here?

Aurore invited me.

Don't tell me you believed her?

Brought your woman?

- Who's this? - My name's Hervé.

Come in. Don't just stand there.

I love your name.

I'm Constance.

Come and get a drink.

Hervé! This is Hervé.

My cousins: Ludivine, Marie and Suzanne.

- Great sweater! - Going out with our cousin?

- What? You're nuts! - She's right.

You're dumb if you don't.

- He's way handsome! - He's way ugly!

Yeah, he's ugly.

This is Hervé.

The bloody nose...

You're very cute though. Hello.

Why did you say he was a bit...

Ok? What's wrong?

Nothing. I'm in shock. The bar hit my nose really hard.

We hear a lot about you.

Hello. Well, good evening.

I'm his mother. My name's Zoé.

Delighted. Véronique.

Tonight's party

is for my daughter's business school diploma.

Just one child?

He's multiple. It's like having loads.

How amusing.

Are you multiple too?

No, I'm depressive.

That's sad.

This is Eric, Anas' father. We were at school together.

And Loïc's father. We went to the same school.

It all brings back memories...

What does your mom do?

She's trying to write and she used to model too.

That's neat.

Want something to eat or drink?

No, no alcohol.

Aurore! Look who's here!

Eudes!

You look fabulous!

I'm hot, let's dance.

You're here, are you?

It'll be a great night then.

You hunk!

Camel, it can't be here. We're too far out of town.

Are you sure it's out here?

Yes, this is it.

Where?

Know what? I want you.

Shit!

Another stepmother to add to the list.

Know what we call my dad?

Dickman.

Only natural. He's hot.

- Want to dance? - Yeah. I dance pretty well too.

St Grégoire shopping mall! Asshole!

You really took me for a ride, you bastard!

Want a drink?

He gave me the wrong address on purpose.

Don't go out with this jerk.

They're together?

That's why I didn't want you to come.

Fuck!

La Redoute 1986, page 320, lingerie, on the couch.

That one's mine!

That one's mine!

That's Camel!

Want to dance?

What?

I screwed up. He's a sex addict.

Big problem, he's married...

Ok, we're leaving!

I was an inch from lip-lock.

An inch away isn't spot on.

And Aurore's mom is old and all.

You're nuts. Mature women are the hottest.

She's hotmom.com.

What?

Really hot porn with mothers banging teenage boys.

Is it any good?

My fave, so you can see why I'm happy.

You're going to give up on Laura now?

I can handle both.

Way to go!

- Not taking the bus? - I'm walking.

On your own?

I don't have to be with people.

It was a great party. Did it end well?

Yeah, great.

Laura's mad that Camel came.

He kept ogling my mom's tits. But it was great.

I was wondering...

Would you like to go out with me?

- With who? - With me.

With you? Are you crazy?

Guys want to go out rather than be friends. I'm too young.

When I'm older, ok, but why bother at our age?

- But it's a great experience. - No.

The thing is, see,

you need a safe or you can't keep it at home.

If you don't use a shooting range, they can take it back.

It must be cool having a gun.

Ok...

I'll be going.

I have an appointment at home.

Ok, see you.

You changed your mind?

Turn your tongue.

Hey, it's my snogging style.

We all have our own style.

Thank God everyone's different.

Who else have you kissed?

Other people.

Girls, Italian girls.

I'm off. He's ogling us. See you tomorrow.

Doing your homework?

We've seen how action-reaction works

and how a gas injection produces an impulse...

Tongue and all? And the drool?

Doesn't it run out the side?

It just happens naturally. It gets sucked back in.

Your mouth's a sucker?

The movement keeps the drool in.

There's a current, like with a boat's propeller.

What movement?

The tongues turn. I'll show you.

There.

Change direction now.

What's going on?

This part of the nozzle becomes broader...

Camel...

I'll let you kiss me.

Ok, go on then.

Dare you to kiss her now.

Think I made it up?

A quick kiss is nothing.

What happened?

It's over.

She's gone off me. It didn't last long.

"I'm in hell here.

"Suffering and pain are my companions.

"Perhaps I'll miss them one day in the same way that I miss you."

Come on.

What's up?

- You're crying? - No way.

It's the candy.

Lemon drops make my eyes water.

You can pretend you're crying.

You were ashamed of me earlier.

No, but I don't want others to know, ok?

It's our secret.

If I was Loïc, you'd tell everyone then.

Loïc? Give me a break, he's like my brother.

You've heard of incest, right?

Let's get married

and have kids.

Then we can go on TV as France's youngest parents.

I dunno. Kind of soon, isn't it?

I was kidding, stupid!

Having a kid must be fun. He obeys you...

He does what you say. He tidies your room...

- What's up? - Shut it!

Gotta go or my mom will yell.

You throw a ball and I shut up?

Don't act smart with me!

I just want an apology, ok!

- In your dreams! - Apologize!

Hello!

Are you the gay Arab looking to get it up the ass?

Piss off! Who let you in?

Grumpy little piggy...

You turn up late, act like this is your place...

Get yourself a chick too.

You're happy.

Happy with your slut!

What's up with him?

Respect me for what I am.

- You shagged her? - Yeah.

In a bush, a real S&M scene, man.

- No kidding? - Moron!

You can do it at our age. We're not kids anymore.

She's not ready.

She's a bit uptight.

But it's serious. We talked about having kids.

Locking lips won't make babies. You have to hide the sausage.

Remember two years ago when Meryl's sister

got shagged on the beach?

You bet!

You need a honey fast.

Camel, you're such a fag!

You jerk.

Excuse me, ma'am...

It's ages since my last shag.

Let me show you something.

Is that your dad's?

It's hidden in his files. He'll never find it.

I don't want to watch.

Once you can do it for real, this is kind of degrading.

You've done nothing yet,

so grab a sock.

The site with all the hot moms

* I have a free afternoon. My kids aren't here.

* I'll make the most of it to rub and scrub.

* I love it...

* when everything's clean.

* Hello, is Stéphane here? I want to go surfing.

* He should be back soon. Come in, I'm his mother.

* Hello.

* Do you mind if I keep on scrubbing?

* No.

* Oh, no!

* I just cleaned it.

* It's all dirty now!

Yes!

Hi.

See you.

I won't wake her

but tell her...

it was good.

I loved it.

See you, pal.

Know what it is?

You stole all this? What for?

I just leave it here.

I used to collect Pokémon key-rings

but I stopped.

What do your parents do?

Mom works in an insurance agency

and Dad's an air force pilot.

He drops bombs and stuff.

- They're divorced. - Yeah?

I'd hate it if mine were.

I'd probably leave home.

- Cut it out. - No one can see us.

Stop it! I don't want to!

- I'm sorry. Chill. - What did you jump on me for?

What's with your briefs?

- Nothing. - Why are your hands there?

I know, I'm ugly, I have a big nose,

I have zits, I suck, I disgust you...

It's not that. You just don't jump on a girl.

Why are your pals Loïc and Anas, not Mahmoud or Camel?

You sense these things.

They're more receptive, see.

Things show if a girl's hot for you.

You guys don't see them.

You mean she sort of gurgles?

No, if she does this with her hair, she's interested.

And the black part in her eye...

When it's wide open, that means she wants to do it.

No.

No.

No!

What're you doing?

What're you doing?

Nothing.

You jerked off on me?

No. Well, yes...

You jerked off on me!

I'm sorry.

I couldn't stop. Your pupil was so dilated.

You're sick!

You goddam premature pervert! Get outta my home!

Get outta here!

Where's your chick gone?

I really screwed up, dude. I think I traumatized her.

How?

She'll change schools, call the cops or God knows what.

You raped her?

Want a banana?

Go on.

Hervé...

I wanted to say...

Want to go out? I love you.

Say that again.

I'm in love with you.

Look at yourself! You're a dog!

Poor cow!

What did he say? Will he?

Ok, stop now, that's enough.

You want to screw Aurore?

You're way too ugly, man. Look at yourself.

Here, let me wipe out all those zits.

What're you doing?

Get lost! Are you out of your mind?

Loïc said, "Gimme your dough, fucker."

He was shaking him down. Aurore kissed him to defend him.

Aurore gave Hervé 10 euros and Loïc wanted to take it.

So she started kissing Hervé.

Hervé lent 20 euros to Aurore

and she gave back 10 with a kiss for the rest.

So Loïc beat him up.

Hervé kissed her to pay her back.

Loïc got mad and tried to smash his face in.

Keep moving your tongue.

I'm perfecting my technique.

I hear Aurore charges 10 euros to lock lips.

Goulven saw Hervé do it.

Sorry.

No, really, a girl!

No, I've never pressured him.

No pressure, totally cool...

She's cute. Her parents threw that party we went to.

The way he held her...

He held her like a man.

Like a man. It's so weird to see that.

Take care.

Stop telling everyone my private life!

- My little darling... - Give me a break!

You never moaned as a kid.

Get rid of that crap picture.

I love it, you look like, you know... little Maddy...

Did you know?

That you're a dick?

You could've told us.

I'm telling you: you're dicks.

Has Aurore got friends for us?

I get first look. I'm onto Laura.

So hands off!

Change exercises!

Hold me tighter or I'll fall.

Let me do it, he'll drop you.

Piss off.

Busy tomorrow afternoon?

Come to my place.

And after....

We could do what you wanted.

What was that?

We could fuck like crazy.

I'll have to see.

Aurore, this isn't Club Med!

What's up, Loïc?

I banged my nose. I'm ok.

You have two elbows!

There's a problem here!

Serves you right!

Oh, shit. Oh, bugger!

He has two elbows. You have two elbows?

Oh, fucking hell with bells on. What the fuck is this shit?

Not bad.

How's Caroline? Still on her?

No, it's over.

Gone off girls now?

You go out with your Arab pal, Camel?

No, I have a new girlfriend.

Aurore. She's way hot.

Wow, you're lining them up.

I hope you use condoms.

Sure, I even used two once, so I'm safe.

I was like that.

Always up to stuff the others never imagined.

I even slept with two girls at once.

Back in the day, a kiss was the end of the world.

What's that smell?

You stepped in shit?

It's my sweater.

This stinky stuff drips down from the balcony upstairs.

It's the airliners.

Their toilets leak.

The building must be on a flight path.

She should dry stuff indoors.

- Dad? - Yeah?

Which one of you chose Hervé?

I did.

It's a crap name.

Why didn't you call me Loïc or Nicolas, say?

Your gran loved Hervé Villard.

She died so we changed your name to make her happy.

We'd chosen Yannick for you.

Like Yannick Noah.

But Hervé's a good name.

Wait right here.

- You don't like it? - I do. Can I put some music on?

I brought a CD.

- Your belly hurts? - No.

Need the can?

This is really wild.

I have to go.

What's up?

"Go on, harder, I'm coming!"

- Yeah? - You bet!

- You're sure? - She said so.

She said, "Oh, Hervé, thank you for making me come."

Sometimes chicks can fake it.

Only in movies or crap plays.

They fake it in real life too.

Mum fooled Dad that way.

What's a pussy like inside?

Well, it's kinda... It's kinda soft. Well, no.

It's hard and dry. A lot drier than I thought.

It's kinda like a nostril.

And a pointy thing enters your cock?

We used a whole box of condoms we did it so much.

A girl on the phone for you.

Who is it?

Hi, how are you?

She's talking dirty? Is she?

Tomorrow... No, tomorrow's not possible.

No, it's not possible at my place.

Yes, it is!

It's possible!

Ok, we'll do that then.

See you at school.

Yeah, bye.

Shagging again tomorrow?

Shagging again?

Why do you keep people apart?

Why don't you introduce me?

Are you ashamed?

Why wouldn't you come to my place?

We need a little variety or we'll get stuck in a rut.

You're scared.

Scared? I've fucked before.

That'll be us if I stay too long with you.

I don't think so.

That's me over there.

Yeah, really classy...

That's us.

I'll have dumped you by then.

That's you and your son.

He's your son too.

Want to do a runner?

What's that?

We don't pay.

This coffee sucks.

Testing me again?

- Dare you. - Ok.

Let's go. One, two,

three...

What's wit' you, man, lookin' for a beatin'?

What's wit' you?

Hey, pooch-face, on my mother's life, I'll waste you.

I've got tongue cramp from all the sex.

Holy fuck...

That's for us!

Sock time.

She saw us?

- Fucking hell... - We're in deep shit!

They're there. They'll kill us.

We're sick fucks...

You're the sick one, man.

I had a woman, a relationship...

Tell them we weren't watching them.

I'll talk to them.

Hello...

We did nothing.

Fuck!

- That was close. - You said it.

Dungeons and Dragons...

No, let's watch porn on your computer.

No, that sucks.

- D & D is shit. - You're shit.

It's shit.

Busy today? My parents are out.

I have to go to Benjamin's.

Can I come?

We're playing a role game. It's scary.

A real game or a computer one?

- A real game. - It'll only freak you out.

I'm not chicken like you.

- You know role games? - Yeah.

Come along then.

Yeah, come. Wild.

Ok, see you later.

What's going on?

She's not yours.

She's my chick, ok!

There'll be more action.

What action? We'll be playing D & D!

Get down.

- I'm class rep. - Take off the glasses.

Oh yes, you're blind.

Partially sighted.

Sorry.

All right.

I have some sad news for you.

Your biology teacher died yesterday.

You may attend his funeral tomorrow if you wish. Ask for passes.

Is the test still on?

Of course not.

Can you tell us how he died or not?

Not.

Through the thick mists of the realm of Hyrius,

three mercenaries from the distant blasted plains

arrived at a sacred clearing...

Move!

Do you have to smoke?

Ok, you reach the clearing...

In the middle, a chick.

An elf!

What're you doing?

Zounds, an elf! I hate elves.

Just a second, Camelius.

I want to kill her with my little dagger.

Are you serious?

Just kidding.

I go to greet these gentlemen.

Hold on.

Do a vigilance throw first.

Four isn't enough.

You go over

without seeing a venomous schnork.

You step on it, it bites you and you faint.

That's dumb.

What do you guys do?

- I search her. - Me too.

Throw the dice first.

13, good. Search her,

take her weapon and clothes

and now she's nude.

Strip, Aurore.

Cut it out or else!

Just kidding.

What is this shit game?

Piss off if you don't like it!

Why am I nude?

- Who is this bitch? - I'm a bitch now?

Charging 10 euros to snog a guy

and losing your cherry to Hervé in a park

lets you ruin this?

- What? - Camel told us all that.

Not true.

Well, it is true.

- Fucking kids! I'm going! - They're joking.

Very funny. You're all jerks

but you're worse.

You're a goddam perv, you joker!

Sorry.

Great atmosphere.

Let's start again.

The bloodied banner is raised

The bloodied banner is raised

Do you hear there in our fields

The roar of those fierce fighting men?

It's over, totally over.

It's ok, you'll find other chicks.

But she's the woman of my life, see.

I missed the train and my life's a mess. I'll die alone.

Form up in serried ranks

Get used to it. When Dad took the little wheels off my bicycle,

I couldn't stop crying.

I know how you feel.

It's the end of an era.

Nostalgia's kicking in.

Not great. A bit off-key.

Seven.

Now a piece by Camel that's called...

"Exoskeleton Total Destruction".

So I told him,

"You're worse."

What did he do? Did he feel dumb?

No, he didn't say a thing.

He just stared at me.

Nude and unconscious... He could've helped you.

You said it.

When you see Hervé, with his crap hair, he looks horrible.

But deep down he's cute.

I don't believe it.

Hi, Hervé.

Hi.

How's it going?

You're a real ape. You're gross!

Really cool! Thanks!

What's her problem?

Well then, you had reached

human reproduction, I think, with Mr Salkarian.

All right...

Coitus.

She got on the bus, sat down opposite me

and I could tell there was something.

She started pushing her hair back

behind her ear. I stared into her right eye

and her pupil was dilated.

I sat next to her and picked her up.

Total Tunisian style.

Yeah.

Hey, man!

You dumped Aurore?

No, she dumped me.

But I don't care.

Rubbish, you dumped her.

You have a new girl now.

- Was it you or her? - You wouldn't understand.

The laundry's filthy.

Covered in it.

Wave the flags in the stadium

And beat the drum for Rennes!

When the Mordelles end goes wild

Go, Rennes! We're animals

Turn your tongue the other way.

Sorry.

No smoking.

It's not lit.

- Not afraid of cancer? - I am.

I'm afraid. I'm gonna die.

Drink up.

- Want to do a runner? - What's that?

One, two, three...

Can we pay, please?

An Arab into heavy metal. You don't like rap?

No, it's because I feel closer to Satan in my mind.

You played really well. You take lessons?

With the Baby Violators' old guitarist.

No kidding?

The guys who burn chickens on stage?

You know them?

I have all their albums.

Yeah?

That's your scooter?

- Hi. - Since when?

Yesterday.

You don't take the bus now?

No. I'll need a scooter at high school anyway.

It's wicked.

I keep hitting car doors for now.

By the way, I wanted to say...

I love you.

- What? - I love you.

I was a jerk and all before

but I've lived through stuff now

and so I know.

Before, I just wasn't used to it but now...

I love you, like.

Let's just be friends.

Coming?

You're crying? He's crying.

The big baby!

Only babies cry, dude.

You're not a baby, ok.

Next!

Here, honey.

Thanks, Mom.

- Who are you? - Your loyal wife, Sire.

Swear! Damn yourself in fear!

Bitch...

The Greatest No-Global Poems

No, I said no less than 650,000.

I'll call you back.

Aurore?

Hervé...

It's been ages. What's new?

As you see, I sell shoes here.

And you?

I'm in real estate.

And so I suggest meeting for lunch near where she works.

We'll have gone our separate ways

and then meet up. We leave our lives and get back together.

We start over.

- What d'you think? - I'm texting someone.

No mobiles in the car. You'll get brain tumours.

Mobiles are really dangerous.

Cut it out.

You heard her.

Don't stop at the gate. Keep driving.

Pain in the ass.

Kissy!

Toe the line, ok.

Wait outside at 5. Even if we're late, just wait.

See you, kid!

Hi.

How's it going?

Subtitles: Ian Burley

Subtitling: C.M.C.