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1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,672
CHRIS ROCK:
In all the years of school,
2
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:07,041
there was nothing I loved
better than summer vacation,
3
00:00:07,075 --> 00:00:09,143
and the next best thing
was spring break.
4
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:11,312
Free at last!
Free at last!
5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,314
Thank God Almighty,
we're free at last!
6
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,216
Greg?
7
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:16,750
It's spring break,
not the end of racism.
8
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:19,053
Well, I'm celebrating now,
'cause once I get up
9
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,721
to Lake Winnipesaukee
with my mom and dad,
10
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,290
it's not going to be good.
11
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:23,491
I thought your
parents split up.
12
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:24,658
They did, but neither one
13
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:25,793
will give up the time share,
14
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,795
so I taking the bus
to meet them
15
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:29,663
for a weekend of fishing
and drinking and fighting.
16
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,765
Don't forget crying.
17
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:32,700
See you next week.
18
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,835
* Free falling,
now I'm free falling... *
19
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,504
Hey, want to grab a bite?
20
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,605
Nah, I got to get home.
21
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:38,506
We're supposed to be headed out
to Amityville Beach.
22
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,641
My dad wants
to be on the road by 4:00.
23
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:42,810
Well, that sounds nice.
24
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,412
Hey, you're that black kid.
25
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,414
Hey, you're that white janitor.
26
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,282
Except for the fact
that I hate the beach.
27
00:00:48,316 --> 00:00:49,750
Last time I was there,
I got sun rash.
28
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,320
(man singing in Italian
on car stereo)
29
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,388
Man, cool ride.
30
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,856
Thanks.
31
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,758
It's my cousin's.
32
00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:02,396
350 cubic inch engine,
240 horsepower, huh?
33
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,432
What I have to do
to get a car like this?
34
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,334
Steal it.
Want to take it for a spin?
35
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,269
You serious?
Sure.
36
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,104
Five bucks.
37
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:13,707
He was like the Don "Magic"
Juan of Camaros.
38
00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:17,345
Now, it's a stick shift.
39
00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:18,512
Make sure you keep
the clutch in.
40
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:20,681
Right
41
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,621
White man down!
White man down!
42
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,390
Oh, man.
43
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,858
Greg, you okay?
44
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,126
Who taught you
how to drive?
45
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,794
Halle Berry.
46
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:38,399
Okay, let's get
him in the trunk.
What?!
47
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,301
Look, I got a rap sheet
as long as your arm.
48
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,203
My PO thinks
that I hit this kid,
49
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,837
I'm going back to jail
for another 20 years.
50
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,308
I'll take care of it.
51
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,742
You mean, take care, take care?
52
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,479
No! I'll-I'll... I'll take him
to the hospital,
53
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,481
and they'll take care of him.
54
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,815
All right, I'm counting on you.
55
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,717
As long as nobody talks,
we won't have any problems.
56
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,286
He should be
a marriage counselor.
57
00:01:58,319 --> 00:01:59,587
Greg?
Oh.
58
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,424
Greg? Wake up.
59
00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:10,331
Look, Greg, wake up.
60
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,799
Wake up, Greg!
61
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,601
Aw!
62
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,870
Dude, you hit me with a car.
63
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,573
Sounds like the title
of an Ashton Kutcher movie.
64
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:35,689
* Ah, make it funky now.
65
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:45,766
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
66
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:54,275
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
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00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,809
CHRIS ROCK:
After running Greg down,
68
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,379
my biggest concern
was getting him to shut up.
69
00:02:58,412 --> 00:02:59,713
This is just great.
70
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:01,849
Just because I didn't want
to spend the week arguing
71
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,485
didn't mean I wanted
to get hit by a car.
72
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,919
That'll teach you
to be more specific.
73
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,755
Be quiet! I did not hit you.
74
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,457
Uh, yeah, you did.
75
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:10,358
Shh!
76
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,326
Gregory?
77
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,296
I spoke with the doctor, and
he says you can't be released
78
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,498
unless you have an
adult to take you home.
79
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,367
Well, are my parents coming
to get me?
80
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,602
Well... no.
81
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:22,870
The hospital
can keep you
82
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,238
for up to four days,
83
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,906
and your parents'
vacation is for five.
84
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,808
They think you're
in good hands here,
85
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,710
and so they'll pick
you up on Friday.
86
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:30,711
* Hold me now
Great.
87
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,381
Ms. Morello, can I talk to you
for a minute?
88
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,983
* Oh, oh, hold my heart...
I'll be right back.
89
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,019
So, where were we?
90
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,455
Oh, that's right.
You were trying to explain
91
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:43,524
how you didn't run me over.
92
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,626
No, I didn't.
93
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,495
So that wasn't you
behind the steering wheel
94
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,330
when my face smashed up
against the windshield?
95
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,798
No, because if I had hit you,
96
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,266
that meant
I was driving someone's car.
97
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,934
And that someone would go
to jail
98
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,837
for a really, really,
really long time if we snitched.
99
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,939
So not only would
you be hurt,
100
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,575
but he would
be hurt, also,
101
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:04,778
and don't you think enough
people have been hurt already?
102
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:06,780
Okay, I get it.
103
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,782
You didn't hit me.
104
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,451
Spoken just like Tina Turner.
105
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,885
Thank you.
106
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,921
You're welcome.
107
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,956
But, uh, just between
you and me...
108
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,564
I know it was you, Chris.
109
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,633
I know it was you.
110
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,742
While I was making it clear
that I didn't hit Greg,
111
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,010
my family was getting ready
to hit the road.
112
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,746
When are we leaving?
113
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,848
We'll head for the beach
as soon as Chris gets home.
114
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,583
Can't we just
leave him?
No.
115
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,418
Can you just leave
me? I hate the sand.
116
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:45,853
I don't know where
it comes from,
117
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,888
and it gets into places
you can't get it out of.
118
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,056
Like broke cousins.
119
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,624
What
120
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,526
I'm going to bury you
121
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,462
in the sand at low tide
if you don't shut up.
122
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,830
Nobody wants to go on this
stupid trip besides you.
123
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:57,931
That's enough, you two.
124
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,333
Oh!
125
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:00,501
Is everything okay?
126
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,536
No. Chris is at the hospital.
127
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,004
What?!
He's fine.
128
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,540
Greg was involved in a
hit-and-run accident.
129
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:07,775
Oh, that's good.
130
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,410
His leg is broken.
131
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:11,445
I gonna have to
go pick them up.
132
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:15,383
All right. Kids, take this
and all your stuff to the car.
133
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,386
We were supposed to be leaving
for Amityville.
134
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,753
She doesn't want
to go to Amityville.
135
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:20,754
I know, baby,
136
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:23,491
but maybe you guys should
go ahead without us.
137
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,758
Told you.
138
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:28,362
What? We've been saving up
for this trip for weeks.
139
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,364
I know, baby,
but you know what?
140
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:31,965
Greg's parents
are out of town,
141
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,901
and he'll have to stay
in the hospital
142
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,803
a whole week if
I don't get him.
143
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,004
I'm disappointed,
Chris is disappointed.
144
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:37,938
It's horrible.
145
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,073
In other words,
she doesn't want to go.
146
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,041
Are you sure?
147
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,610
Yes, I'm sure.
Go ahead.
148
00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,111
You guys enjoy yourself
at the beach.
149
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,446
Love you. Bye.
150
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:47,715
I'm gonna
miss you.
151
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,450
No, she won't.
Bye.
152
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,852
TONYA:
Ma, tell him, Black
people go to the beach.
153
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,822
DREW:
Ma, they don't. Can I just
stay with you? I can't...
154
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,457
Call Dr. Graham,
get ER One prepped.
155
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,626
Ah, my toe!
Ah, my foot!
156
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,561
Okay, move it, people.
D-fib standing by.
157
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,730
I need 10cc's of...
158
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,565
Stat! Let's move it!
159
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:05,766
Mm.
160
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:06,967
What's going on?
161
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,702
The Uncle of Sam
got somebody else.
162
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:09,970
You mean the Son of Sam?
163
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,138
Nah, they got him.
164
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:12,573
This is the Uncle of Sam.
165
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,007
He doesn't kill people--
he chokes them.
166
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,409
GREG:
He chokes people?
167
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,511
Unconscious.
168
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,012
Over seven people so far.
169
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,548
Yup, that mole still lives.
170
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,550
All right, baby, now,
that's gonna itch,
171
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,752
but you'll get
used to it.
172
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,820
Unlike that mole.
173
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,422
What?
Nothing.
174
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,090
That mole is so big,
175
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,025
SAG made us give it
a screen credit.
176
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,727
So it's cool.
177
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,829
My mom said you
can stay with us.
178
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:36,930
Well, what about your vacation?
179
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:39,533
Nobody wanted to go on
that stupid trip but Tonya.
180
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:41,201
Drew doesn't like the
sand, I get sun rash,
181
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,971
and ever since my mom saw Jaws
and The Amityville Horror,
182
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,573
she won't step
foot on Long Island.
183
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,040
Later, I found out
184
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,142
that just because
Greg and I weren't talking
185
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,811
didn't mean nobody was asking.
186
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,145
Gregory, this officer needs
187
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,881
to ask you a
few questions.
188
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,183
Son, do you know who hit you?
189
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,718
Uh...
190
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:58,552
Was it a Black guy?
191
00:06:58,586 --> 00:06:59,787
Um, Greg's pretty tired.
192
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:02,823
I think maybe
we should do this later.
193
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,125
I know you're probably
still in shock,
194
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,495
but I'd like you to take
a look at a few guys,
195
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,963
see if you recognize anybody.
196
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,165
Oh, my.
197
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:14,668
I don't think
it was any of these guys.
198
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,036
What about this one?
199
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,505
Looks pretty mean.
200
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,206
Hey, man, I work here.
201
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,109
Hey, sweetie,
202
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,511
you need something?
203
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:24,878
Yeah, Greg's gonna need
a bedpan.
204
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,146
Oh, okay.
I'm gonna need everybody
205
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,748
to step out a minute, please.
206
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,016
Now, let's go, boys.
207
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,951
Don't worry, kid.
We'll catch this guy.
208
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,185
You have my word.
209
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,855
And I'll be
right back, okay?
210
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,791
So, try and hold it,
'cause I need my gloves.
211
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,828
Man, this is messed up.
212
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:42,095
That's okay.
213
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,997
We've survived worse things.
214
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,567
Remember that time we survived
those Cuban drug runners?
215
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:51,004
Where's the drugs?!
216
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:51,939
We don't have any Coke,
217
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,841
but there's a Pepsi machine
downstairs.
218
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,477
(chain saw buzzing,
indistinct shouting)
219
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,183
Yeah, and remember that time
220
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,952
we got captured by
those Vietnamese guys?
221
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,193
Mow!
222
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:19,733
Mow! Mow!
223
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,769
Come on!
Go ahead, Greg.
224
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:22,302
Go ahead.
Mow.
225
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:26,707
It's gonna be okay.
226
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,009
It's gonna be all right.
227
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,277
Mow!
228
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,146
Go ahead.
229
00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:39,653
Go fish.
230
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:40,153
Mow!
231
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,855
Mow!
232
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:47,094
Remember that time
we took out that mobster?
233
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,600
Leave the gun.
234
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,635
Take the Pop Tarts.
235
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,585
Yeah, we've had
some pretty crazy times.
236
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:14,855
Yeah. We have.
237
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,123
Hey.
238
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,357
So, you ready?
239
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,992
Are you ever ready for that?
240
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,161
Even though Greg's condition
was better,
241
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:24,031
our situation seemed
like it kept getting worse.
242
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:24,965
All I'm saying
243
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,200
is the police better
find him before I do.
244
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,336
My poor son got
one little friend,
245
00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:31,204
and somebody got the
nerve to try to kill him?
246
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,606
Oh, no.
247
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,241
Maybe the driver
didn't see him.
248
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:35,709
Maybe he shouldn't
have been driving.
249
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:36,710
That's right.
250
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,311
No excuses.
251
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,179
They better
not find him,
252
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,048
'cause if they do,
I'm going to jail.
253
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,316
She didn't get that upset
when I got shot.
254
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:45,953
Ooh, we better get
inside, you guys.
255
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:47,855
It sounds
like rain.
256
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:53,794
Wow, there was no rain
in the forecast.
257
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,230
Great, can we go home now?
258
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,766
No, we're not
going anywhere.
259
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,133
I paid for the motel.
260
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,368
We're gonna stay
in the motel.
261
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:02,169
Besides,
262
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,037
it's probably
just a passing cloud.
263
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,906
That's what they said
about Katrina.
264
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,008
It better be.
265
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,084
Not only was it raining
at the beach,
266
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,753
back at home,
it was raining on my parade.
267
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,288
Chris.
268
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,356
You guys need to
eat so we can go.
269
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,357
Go where?
270
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,659
To the police station.
271
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:26,727
They called
and said they
272
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:27,995
have a suspect
in custody.
273
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,130
A witness gave
a pretty good description.
274
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,001
A witness?
A witness?
275
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,203
The bad part
about committing a crime
276
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,405
is that you're paying attention
to the crime.
277
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,339
Give me your money.
278
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:42,342
And not to who
is watching you do it.
279
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,913
You hear something?
280
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:49,049
Down at the precinct, somebody
was about to get fingered,
281
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,251
and I was praying it
wasn't going to be me.
282
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,153
Okay, you guys sit
down right here.
283
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,688
I'll be right back.
284
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,293
Dude, that's
the janitor.
285
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,329
Where?
There.
286
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,897
Oh, my God.
287
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,365
Oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, no.
288
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:06,800
What's wrong?
289
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,268
Remember when I said
if we talked
290
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,369
someone would go to jail?
291
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,971
He's that someone.
292
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,706
It was his car.
293
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,110
GREG:
Wait, dude,
I don't get this.
294
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,746
Your mom said they
had someone in custody.
295
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,981
He's in disguise,
but he's not in custody.
296
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,382
Wait,
297
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,317
so if they didn't
arrest me
298
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,886
and they didn't
arrest him,
299
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,921
who did they arrest?
300
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:29,990
Number three,
step forward.
301
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,462
Chris, isn't that
your wrestling coach?
302
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,698
I guess that answers
who they arrested.
303
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,472
CHRIS ROCK:
An important lesson to learn:
304
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,808
if you don't want
to be accused of a crime,
305
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,442
don't have a twin
who's a criminal.
306
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:50,978
Why'd you arrest
our coach?
307
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,279
The witness
described the car
308
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,313
she saw leaving
the scene.
309
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:54,848
He's the owner
of the car
310
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:56,850
that matched
that description.
311
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,485
Well, that's not
the guy who hit me.
312
00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,286
Well, maybe he is.
313
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,721
Does this jog your
memory, Greg?
314
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,092
No.
315
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,493
How about now?
316
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,366
No, it's not
Coach Brantley.
317
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,402
It's not any of those guys.
318
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,237
I told you I didn't know.
319
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:20,240
So, you saw him,
but just didn't know him?
320
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,474
This is good.
321
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:22,342
You're starting
to remember.
322
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,211
Let's get you with
our sketch artist,
323
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,747
and you can describe what
the driver looks like.
324
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,352
DETECTIVE:
Let's go.
325
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:35,522
I was afraid the police
had broke Greg
326
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,225
and he described
his hit and run driver: me.
327
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,427
Uh, I need to go
to the bathroom.
328
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,230
This was back in the '80s
when going to the bathroom
329
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,398
in police stations
was still safe.
330
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,802
Come on, we
need to talk.
331
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,337
What happened?
332
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:52,372
Look, there's nothing
to worry about.
333
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,540
You sure about that?
334
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,508
Yeah.
335
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,377
I mean, I know
that there are people
336
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,412
that would be very upset
if they were ever implicated
337
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,382
in any way in my accidental
car accident.
338
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:03,516
CHRIS:
Yeah, and if we
339
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,485
knew anything, which we don't,
340
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,354
we wouldn't talk,
which we haven't.
341
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,158
There you are.
342
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,325
Can you believe this?
343
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,494
Yeah... uh, no, no.
344
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:15,428
What happened
in there?
345
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:16,897
It's crazy.
346
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,332
These cops, they drag me
down here, talking about
347
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,001
I ran some kid over
outside the school.
348
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,002
That's nuts.
349
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,036
I got a nice ride.
350
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:24,537
I want to hit a kid,
I'll punch him
351
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,473
in the face, I'm not
gonna dent my car.
352
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,209
You know, those cops
are crazy, cuz.
353
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,444
They bring you down here
for nothing.
354
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,947
29 times
I get arrested.
355
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,148
For nothing.
356
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:36,850
You and DMX.
357
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:38,518
Yeah, it's crazy.
358
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,520
What are you guys
doing here?
359
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,488
I don't know.
360
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,323
We're here with my mom.
361
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,525
She's thinking
about applying for a job
362
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,560
as a crossing guard.
Yeah.
363
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,329
Well, if kids are
getting run over
364
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,564
outside the school,
they need one.
365
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:52,299
We got to go.
366
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,501
So, what did you
tell the cops?
367
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:55,335
Don't worry.
368
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,370
I described a guy
they'll never find.
369
00:13:57,404 --> 00:14:00,473
Man, I didn't hit a kid
with a car.
370
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,075
This is New York City.
371
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,977
I take the subway everywhere
or I walk.
372
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,612
I don't even drive.
373
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,514
Isn't that
Kristoff St. John?
374
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,249
Yep.
That's not him.
375
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,583
That guy...
376
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,120
is this guy.
377
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,554
I'm telling you,
it's not him.
378
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:15,622
I must have
been nervous.
379
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,124
Take another look.
380
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,328
Kristoff St. John
didn't hit me.
381
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,930
Yeah, he's right,
that's not him.
382
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,465
Boy, I thought you said
you didn't see anything.
383
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:26,433
Yeah, dummy.
384
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:29,602
Oh, now that I think about it,
it's kind of
385
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,371
all coming back.
386
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:34,341
As I came around the corner,
I think I might
387
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,575
have caught a glimpse
of the driver.
388
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:38,611
Well, let's get you
with the sketch artist.
389
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,580
Jesse from All My Children,
you're next.
390
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,616
So, what, uh,
does this mean
391
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,953
that Kristoff St. John
is innocent?
392
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,320
I'm afraid so.
393
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,558
Hold on a moment, Greg.
394
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,329
Kristoff!
395
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,532
Can I get your autograph?!
396
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,368
I am your biggest fan!
397
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,236
While I was dodging
another bullet,
398
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,572
raindrops kept falling
on my father's head.
399
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,107
This place
is amazing.
400
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,708
They got free shampoo,
conditioner and soap.
401
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:09,943
It was kind
of hard
402
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,044
to go to the bathroom
403
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,579
with that strip of paper
across the seat.
404
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:15,282
I did it, though.
405
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,651
This is great.
406
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:21,288
Dad, we got to get one of these.
407
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,490
This is the worst vacation ever.
408
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,192
We haven't even seen the beach.
409
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:26,193
I'm sorry, baby.
410
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,561
If I could, I would bring
the beach inside.
411
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,735
My father's spring break
had gotten rained out,
412
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,972
and my mother was enjoying
being stretched out.
413
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:44,978
Hello?
414
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,113
Rochelle, it's me.
415
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,681
Hey, baby.
416
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,652
What's wrong?
417
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:55,022
It's been raining ever since we
got here, that's what's wrong.
418
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,723
This is the worst vacation ever.
419
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:59,426
Oh, baby, that's too bad.
420
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,528
I feel like packing up
and coming home tonight.
421
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:03,730
No, no, no, no.
422
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,498
No, no, don't do that.
423
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:07,567
Why not?
Because she's on vacation
from you.
424
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:11,704
Well, maybe you should travel
during the day when it clears.
425
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:15,108
And I-I'm sure the kids
are having a great time.
426
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,676
She's on vacation
from them, too.
427
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,311
Dad, there's
something wrong
428
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,712
with the sea turtle
you got me.
429
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,781
It's not a sea turtle;
it's a tortoise.
430
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,583
Turtle, tortoise...
you know how hard
431
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,218
it was for me to
catch that thing?
432
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:28,455
Well, it couldn't have
been moving that fast.
433
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,522
That's it.
434
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:30,590
I'll see you in the morning.
435
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:32,759
No, no, wait, wait,
baby, baby...
436
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:38,065
After I talked to the cops,
I was hoping they
437
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,699
were drawing
a whole new conclusion.
438
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,669
Man, I hope this is over.
Trust me.
439
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:46,173
Unlike you, I described a guy
they'll never be able to find.
440
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,241
Kristoff St. John.
441
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:51,778
Thanks for making me
breakfast, Chris,
442
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,747
but can you go down to Doc's
and get some orange juice?
443
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,117
I hate to ask, but, you know,
444
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,386
I can't walk.
And you won't be able to eat
445
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:01,721
when I hit you upside the head
with the frying pan.
446
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:02,689
It's raining.
447
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,291
Dude,
you hit me
448
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:05,792
with a car, broke my leg,
449
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,660
and then made me lie
to the cops.
450
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:11,764
I think the least you can do
is get me some OJ.
451
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,133
Fine.
452
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,405
DETECTIVE:
Ah, good.
453
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:20,307
We found that guy you described.
454
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,775
Oh, no, the cops got Jesse!
455
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:30,217
I did what I could so nobody
got taken down,
456
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,219
and in the end,
I got caught up.
457
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,220
This is bad.
458
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,688
I can't let some guy go
to jail for what I did.
459
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,790
I got to turn
myself in.
Hang on, Chris.
460
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:38,691
Let's think about this.
461
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,760
If you turn yourself in,
you'll go to jail
462
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,595
for hitting me,
the janitor will go back
463
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,464
to prison for leaving
the scene of a crime,
464
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,533
and I'll go to jail
for lying to the police.
465
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,800
What about the guy
they arrested, huh?
466
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,669
Do we just let his
life get ruined
467
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,338
and we go about
with our happy lives?
468
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,773
I wouldn't call it happy,
but I know what you mean.
469
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:54,807
Yes.
470
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:57,210
No, I can't do this.
471
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,112
Excuse me, Officer,
I got something I need
472
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,380
to tell you.
Just a second.
473
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,614
They're bringing
the guy in now.
474
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,750
There he is.
475
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,787
You'll never take me alive!
476
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,563
I thought the truth
would set me free,
477
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,399
but instead,
it darn near got me killed.
478
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,536
Chris, the city
of New York
479
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,604
owes you a debt
of gratitude.
480
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,839
Your description of Greg's
hit and run assailant
481
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,841
led us to the Uncle of Sam.
482
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,510
The serial choker?
483
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,412
Yes, ma'am,
but he was escalating.
484
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,781
He went from choking
to plowing down.
485
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,149
Who knows what
was next?
486
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,750
You're a brave
kid, Chris.
487
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:38,818
No, I'm not.
488
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,721
While the Uncle of Sam
got sent up the river,
489
00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:44,391
my father drove home
in the rain.
490
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:02,909
Ain't this about a...
491
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,844
After all was said and done,
492
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,547
Greg had something
to say about what we did.
493
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,948
Hey, man, what's
the matter?
494
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,783
We put the wrong man
in jail.
495
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:11,918
Wrong man?
496
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,320
He was a serial choker.
497
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,554
Yeah, but he
didn't hit me
498
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:15,922
with the car;
you did.
499
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:18,391
Okay, so I hit you with
the car, but if I hadn't,
500
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,260
they would have never
caught the Uncle of Sam,
501
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:21,494
so we did a good thing.
502
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:22,695
Yeah, I guess.
503
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:23,896
The more important
thing is
504
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:24,897
we got away with it.
505
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,065
No, we didn't.
Yeah, we did.
506
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,601
Nobody knows about
this but me and you.
And your mother.
507
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,337
She doesn't
know anything.
Yeah, she does.
508
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:31,904
She's standing behind
me, isn't she?
509
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:33,606
Yep.
510
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,348
GREG:
Oh, God.
511
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,649
I'm okay.
512
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,251
You're the one who hit Greg?
513
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,585
It was an accident.
514
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,654
Why didn't you
just tell the truth?
515
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,855
'Cause it
was someone else's car.
516
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,290
I thought they'd go to jail.
517
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,859
Hitting someone with a car
is not illegal.
518
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,894
Lying to the police is.
519
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,764
Ma, I know you're mad,
520
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,232
but it's over.
521
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,267
It all worked out.
522
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,468
It's not a big deal.
523
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,938
You broke your friend's leg,
you both lied to the police,
524
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,007
we were in the middle
of a police shootout
525
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,809
with a serial choker,
526
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,711
and you don't think
it's a big deal?
527
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,846
Not in Bed-Stuy.
528
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,782
Is it a big deal now?
529
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:22,255
So, what did they
get you for?
530
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:24,257
* Everybody hates Chris.
531
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:28,227
Captioned by
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