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1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:05,239
:
* ...as long as my bills
are paid, they know... *
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00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:07,675
CHRIS ROCK:
By 1987, everybody
in the country
3
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,143
had heard of rap music.
4
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:11,445
And most kids either
wanted to be a DJ...
5
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:13,514
* Said my woman
had it all arranged *
6
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,449
...or an MC.
7
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:18,219
Throw your hands in the air!
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00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:19,753
Wave them like
you just don't care!
9
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:22,456
But then something happened
to change it all...
10
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,092
* Stick 'em,
ha-ha-ha, stick 'em *
11
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,760
...the Fat Boys,
featuring the Human Beatbox.
12
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:31,365
* We're the mind-blowing,
body-rocking... *
13
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,680
Chris!
14
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,349
What the hell
are you doing?
15
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,783
Beatboxing. It's the new thing.
16
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:52,320
Buffy the Human Beatbox
from the Fat Boys is the best.
17
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:53,454
Best at what?
18
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,123
Spitting all
over everything?
19
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,424
He did say "spit," right?
20
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,226
Is it okay if I leave
a little early today?
21
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,460
The Fat Boys are coming to town,
22
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,862
and I want to get there early
before the tickets sell out.
23
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,097
Go on.
24
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:04,732
But you're wasting
your money.
25
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,667
I know a lady
that'll spit on you
26
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,802
for half the price
of what them tickets cost you.
27
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:10,704
Back then, you actually
had to leave your house
28
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,340
to buy concert tickets.
29
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,580
You're getting Fat
Boys tickets, too?
30
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,715
Nah, I'm just holding
this dude's place in line.
31
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:22,883
$1.50 an hour.
32
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,752
I'll hold your spot, too,
if you want.
33
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,687
Nah, that's okay.
34
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:27,888
I'll wait in line.
35
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:31,325
Uh, back of the line
is that way.
36
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,740
Sold out? I've been waiting
in line for three hours.
37
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:47,741
Could've been worse;
38
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:48,809
could've been four.
39
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,612
Look, all I have left
is Hall and Oates tickets.
40
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,147
Do I look white?
41
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:57,185
What's the matter?
You look depressed.
42
00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:59,453
I waited in line all day
yesterday for Fat Boys tickets,
43
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,922
and just when I made it
to the store, they sold out.
44
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,424
No problem.
45
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,425
I got tickets.
46
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,759
How?
47
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,832
Sold out?!
But I've been waiting in line
48
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,567
for Hall and Oates tickets
for three hours!
49
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:15,569
Hall and Oates
wouldn't wait three hours
50
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:16,804
for Hall and Oates tickets.
51
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,906
All we got left
is Fat Boys tickets.
52
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,177
Ah, what the heck,
I'll take two.
53
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,283
Wait, this is
for the 10:30 show.
54
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:30,184
So?
55
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,685
18 and over only.
56
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:32,820
How we supposed to get in?
57
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:35,155
Easy, just wait
three more years.
58
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,870
* Ah, make it funky now.
59
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:59,947
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
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00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:08,989
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
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00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,891
CHRIS ROCK:
I had two Fat Boys tickets.
62
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,527
Now I had to get
two skinny boys to pass for 18.
63
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:14,428
Look, I've been thinking.
64
00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:16,597
All I have to do is
get out of the house,
65
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,799
then maybe we can find a way
to get into the show.
66
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:21,001
Well, my mother will be drunk
and passed out by about 7:00.
67
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,836
So getting out of the house
won't be a problem.
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00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,505
I could be on tour
with Van Halen,
69
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:25,573
and she wouldn't
even notice.
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00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:26,974
Years later, Greg actually
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00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,443
toured with Van Halen
for a year as a mic stand.
72
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:30,678
All right, that's good.
73
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,813
In terms of us going
to see The Fat Boys, yes.
74
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,882
But in truth, alcohol abuse
is nothing to laugh at.
75
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,950
And I'll be scarred forever
by my mother's tragic disease,
76
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:37,851
but please, continue.
77
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,953
All right, all I have
to do is get my mom
78
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,323
to say it's okay to spend
the night at your house
79
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,324
and that's half the battle.
80
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:44,725
Wait, what's
the other half?
81
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,360
Know anywhere we can
get some fake IDs?
82
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,561
Fake IDs?
83
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:48,729
Fake IDs.
84
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,664
When you were a teenager,
fake IDs
85
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:53,000
could open up
a whole new magical world.
86
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,768
* Shake it up,
shake it up, whoo *
87
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:55,869
* Shake that thing
88
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,405
* I been working all week...
89
00:03:57,438 --> 00:04:00,374
Here you go, Mr. Testaverde.
90
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,943
And Mr. Sharpton, your ID.
91
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,345
* To find some mackin'...
92
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,879
* But that don't thrill me
93
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,915
* So I head to the Magic City
to get on, G *
94
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,850
* I don't dance,
don't need to start frontin' *
95
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,752
* I'm lookin' for a ...
that want to move something *
96
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,654
* Know what I'm saying?
You know what I'm talking... *
97
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,956
I got the tickets;
why do I have to get the IDs?
98
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,326
Because if you get busted
trying to get fake IDs,
99
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,760
you'll get community service.
100
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,629
If I get busted,
I'm two jail cells down
101
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:22,896
from that guy who shot Reagan.
102
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,632
Meanwhile,
I wasn't the only one
103
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,967
having problems
with my date of birth.
104
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,936
Remember, I don't want
a party for my birthday.
105
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:31,372
Don't worry.
You're not having a party.
106
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,407
That's what the Democrats
said to Hillary.
107
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,711
Hey, Ma, can I
sleep over at Greg's
108
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:38,712
on Saturday night?
No.
109
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:41,081
You can't go.
110
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,516
I'm having a surprise party
111
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:43,917
for your father
on Saturday night,
112
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,419
and I need you to be here.
113
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:46,620
But Dad's birthday's
not till Sunday.
114
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,956
That's why it's called
a surprise party
115
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,058
and not a
predictable party.
116
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,793
I thought Dad
didn't even like parties.
117
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,663
Boy, you have no idea
what your life would be like
118
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,865
if I paid attention
to what your father liked.
119
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:58,966
And neither does he.
120
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,969
So here's what
I'm going to do.
121
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,104
While my mother
made birthday plans,
122
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,607
Drew made plans
to see birthday suits.
123
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,041
Wow.
124
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,477
Drew was trying
to get something
125
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:10,478
every young boy wanted.
126
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,613
X-ray glasses.
127
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:13,914
Cool.
128
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:17,385
I'm waiting for them to come
out with X-ray contact lenses.
129
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,720
Back at school,
I was more depressed
130
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,889
than the Fat Boys
at a finger sandwich party.
131
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,123
My dad's surprise party
is Saturday night,
132
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,092
and I don't know
how I'm gonna do that
133
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:26,059
and see the
Fat Boys, too.
134
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,696
So, surprise him.
135
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,097
Don't be there.
136
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:30,931
Look, I did my part.
137
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:33,000
I can't get you
out of the house, too.
138
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,635
You got the IDs?
139
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,437
Is Janet Jackson in control?
140
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,672
Yes, but Michael isn't.
141
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:41,909
Let me guess, I'm Mr. T,
and you're George Peppard?
142
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,143
Dude, they're free.
143
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,144
What do you expect?
144
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,580
See what you can do with this.
145
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,048
I'm gonna work on
getting out the house.
146
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:50,017
Since I couldn't make it
to the club
147
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:53,921
and to my father's party, I had
to make sure one didn't happen.
148
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,424
And I didn't need tickets
to see my father.
149
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,491
Hey, Dad.
150
00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:58,426
What's up?
151
00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,993
I feel real horrible
about telling you this.
152
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,662
No, you don't.
153
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,531
You know how you didn't want
to celebrate your birthday?
154
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,500
Mom's planning a surprise party
for you.
155
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:07,601
What?!
156
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,036
I told her
I didn't want a party.
157
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,671
What, you mean
women don't listen?
158
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:11,872
I know.
159
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,674
She's gonna take you out
to go get some food,
160
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,075
then when you get back,
everybody's gonna be here.
161
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:18,712
Chris, I know it's hard for you
162
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:21,582
to betray your mother's trust,
but I'm glad you did.
163
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:24,418
And if she finds out, you can
regain her trust for free,
164
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,454
but paying off a party
is gonna be expensive.
165
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,622
Think she'll find out?
166
00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:31,625
I'll make sure she doesn't.
167
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,434
ROCHELLE:
Mmm!
168
00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:42,470
Smells good.
169
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,737
Is that Benny's Tacos?
170
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,072
Mm-hmm.
171
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:46,206
Wow.
172
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,441
I haven't been there in ages.
173
00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:49,009
You know what?
174
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,878
Since you don't want to
have a birthday party,
175
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,480
maybe we could go
there on Saturday.
176
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,081
You know, it's not
that expensive,
177
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,215
and Chris can watch the kids.
178
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,117
Honey, I know
what you're trying to do.
179
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,219
I told you I don't want a party.
180
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:02,155
How did you know
I was throwing you a party?
181
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,223
Did Chris tell you?
182
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,592
No.
183
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,159
I'm not stupid, honey.
184
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:08,028
And I appreciate you
wanting to celebrate with me,
185
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,096
but I don't want a party.
186
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,999
Well, if you don't want
to have a birthday party,
187
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,867
what do I do when
my birthday comes around
188
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:14,935
and I want to have a party?
189
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,538
So this is all
so yo can have a party?
190
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:18,672
Exactly.
191
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:19,673
It's my birthday.
192
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,074
What are we doing for me?
193
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,644
Ironically, making you wish
you were never born.
194
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,078
Julius, don't even try
to turn this around.
195
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,147
If you don't want me
to have a party,
196
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,181
just come out and say it!
197
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:30,984
I didn't say I didn't want
you to have a party.
198
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,721
It's not what you're saying,
but that's what you're saying.
199
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:34,888
You know what?
200
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,123
Fine, Julius.
201
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:38,191
Do what you want.
202
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:39,527
Happy birthday!
203
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,065
You can go to Greg's
on Saturday.
204
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,234
What about Dad's party?
205
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,002
We're not having it.
206
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,571
Why not?
207
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,239
'Cause your
father's a jerk.
208
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:55,643
The bad news is my parents
could get divorced.
209
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:58,679
But the good news is
I get to see the Fat Boys.
210
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,721
CHRIS ROCK:
Since I had handled
my part of the plan,
211
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:08,956
now everything was up to Greg.
212
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,090
I'm all set on my end.
213
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:11,759
Did you have any luck
with the fake IDs?
214
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,861
Does Boy George have luck
with women's clothing?
215
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,865
Hey, these actually
look like us.
Yeah, I know.
216
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,701
They are actually two
guys from Guatemala.
217
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:33,881
You know, maybe
we should take these
218
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,182
for a test drive
before the show.
219
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,550
Oh, here's your change.
220
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,619
Change as well?
221
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,022
You go.
222
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,197
You know what?
223
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,099
I think I know
who we can talk to.
224
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,233
Fake ID?
225
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:55,869
Why would I know anything
about where to get a fake ID?
226
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,005
Because you operate on
the fringes of the law.
227
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,207
Hey, man, just because
somebody's name is Risky,
228
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,275
and they operate
on the fringes of the law,
229
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:03,777
does not mean
they break the law.
230
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,045
Yes, it does.
231
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,046
JAMES:
Yeah, man.
232
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,247
Using fake IDs could get y'all
233
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,281
in serious trouble.
234
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:09,282
If I wasn't underage,
235
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,584
who knows where I'd be now?
236
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,152
So do you or don't you?
237
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:17,224
Oh, hey, man, I think
I see Run-DMC outside!
238
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,291
I don't see anybody.
239
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,927
Well, maybe you should
go out there
240
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,261
and make sure it wasn't them.
241
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,263
Make sure who wasn't them?
242
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,732
Man, would you
just go outside
243
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,800
so he can tell you
where to get the ID?
244
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:27,801
Man, you slow.
245
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,970
Forget it.
Forget it.
246
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,939
Go to this address,
247
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:34,241
and tell them you want
a passport photo.
248
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,309
Passport photo?
249
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:39,246
That's code for "fake ID."
250
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,614
Y'all slow.
251
00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,950
While I was trying
to break the law,
252
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:45,252
my father was trying
to break the silence.
253
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,154
So, how was your day?
254
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,760
Rochelle, this is childish.
255
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,262
Can you please
tell your father
256
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,264
that I have nothing
to say to him.
257
00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,366
Mama said she has nothing
to say to you.
258
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,037
Fine. Throw me a party.
259
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,338
Oh!
260
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:08,008
So now all of a sudden
you want to have a party.
261
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:08,842
Well, it's too late.
262
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:12,145
You just can't blow
some balloons up,
263
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:13,380
set a cake on fire
264
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,281
and start hollering.
265
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:15,649
You have to plan
for a party.
266
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,250
I mean, I have
to send out invitations,
267
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,852
write out a guest list,
268
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,287
make present
suggestions.
269
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,155
Oh, no, no, you are not
putting me through all that.
270
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:24,357
Nuh-uh. The next time
you want to have a party,
271
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,126
you need to say something
ahead of time
272
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,895
instead of always waiting
till the last minute!
273
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,364
TONYA:
Mama said,
274
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,432
"Oh!
275
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,802
"So now all of a sudden
you want to have a party.
276
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:35,903
"Well, it's too late.
277
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,270
"You can't just blow up
some balloons,
278
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,839
"set a cake on fire,
and start hollering.
279
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,007
"You have to plan
for a party.
280
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,308
"You have to invite
the people.
281
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,276
"You have to invite the family
from out of town.
282
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,945
"You have to get the cake.
You have to get the ice cream.
283
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,980
You have to get toys for
the little kids to play with..."
284
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:50,017
Since it's against the law
to choke children on film,
285
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,284
we're gonna go
to the next scene.
286
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,352
"No, you have to plan for it!"
287
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,924
Meanwhile, Drew got
a special delivery
288
00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:58,959
from the see-through
women's clothing fairy.
289
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,030
Cool.
290
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,113
Oh, dang!
291
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:21,348
Excuse me.
292
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,083
I know this may
sound weird,
293
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:26,386
but do you by chance
have two sets of the
exact same clothes on?
294
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,021
Yes.
295
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,490
But what does that
have to do with anything?
296
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,192
:
Oh, nothing.
297
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:34,261
Just asking.
298
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,402
A few blocks away,
me and Greg were hoping
299
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,037
nobody could see through us.
300
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,172
This is it.
301
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,207
"Ticket services,
check cashing,
302
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,742
"bail bondsman,
303
00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:51,044
loans, piano lessons."
304
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,180
Piano lessons?
Piano lessons?
305
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,447
"Passport photos."
306
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,461
Little dude
from across the street,
307
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:09,529
can I help you?
308
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,299
Wait, you work here?
Yeah. Why?
309
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,367
Why didn't you say something
when we were at the barbershop?
310
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,469
Look here, little dude
from across the street's friend
311
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:19,006
from across town, I don't know
what you're talking about.
312
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:22,342
Look, Jerome, we just
need some passport photos.
313
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,410
You're not cops, are you?
314
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:26,847
Why? Is it illegal for cops
to have passport photos?
315
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,182
No. But if you knew passport
photos meant something else
316
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:32,452
and you were trying to trick me,
I'd have to ask if you a cop,
317
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,321
because legally,
you have to say yes,
318
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:35,989
and then I wouldn't
give you one.
319
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:37,524
Contrary to popular belief,
320
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:40,160
you needed to be educated
if you wanted to drop out
321
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:41,829
and become a criminal.
We're not cops.
322
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,463
You could be undercover.
323
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,032
Do we look like
21 Jump Street?
324
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,867
Look, it could be
a sting operation.
325
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,535
We're not cops.
We're not cops.
326
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:52,072
Cool. Let me buzz my man.
327
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,573
Money!
328
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,309
I understand you boys
want to leave the country.
329
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,444
Uncle Ryan?
330
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,813
I hope he's not a cop.
331
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,987
When I set out
to look for fake IDs
332
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,989
I didn't expect to find
my real uncle.
333
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,357
You sell fake IDs?
334
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:11,391
What are you
talking about?
335
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,826
You're the one
trying to buy it.
336
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,261
Does my father know
you do this?
337
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,428
No.
338
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,297
Does your mom know
you're doing this?
339
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,566
No. You're not gonna
tell her, are you?
340
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:20,500
And ruin my good business?
341
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,501
I don't think so.
342
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,170
You're not
gonna tell?
343
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:24,437
No, I'm no snitch.
344
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,573
We just want to go
see the Fat Boys.
345
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,075
Oh. I love those guys.
346
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,444
* All you can eat...
347
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,520
So, when can we get 'em?
And how much
is it gonna cost?
348
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,721
Well, that depends.
349
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,557
When it comes to delivery,
you have three separate options.
350
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,960
You can get 'em fast and cheap,
but not good;
351
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,562
you can get 'em
good and cheap,
but not fast;
352
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:52,632
or you can get 'em fast
and good, but not cheap.
353
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:56,169
Well, the concert's tomorrow,
so how much is the last option?
354
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,504
25 bucks.
355
00:13:58,538 --> 00:13:59,239
Each.
356
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,211
:
Well, it is the Fat Boys.
357
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:05,979
Wait.
358
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:09,349
You really want a fake ID
to go the Fat Boys concert?
359
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:10,417
Yeah.
360
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:13,086
You're not gonna try
to get liquor or cigarettes
361
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,421
or go see X
362
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,223
Not until you mentioned it.
No.
363
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,525
You'll have 'em tomorrow.
364
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,063
Drew's X-ray glasses
didn't work,
365
00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:25,899
so he had his eye on a refund.
366
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:29,903
Uh, "ticket services,
check cashing..."
367
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,373
Lemonade?
368
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,542
Not "lemonade."
"Laminated."
369
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,510
It means "covered in plastic."
370
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,479
I want you to get
these laminated,
371
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,381
so they look like
the real thing.
372
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,250
When it's done,
take 'em to Chris.
373
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:45,052
Cool.
All right?
374
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,655
What's up, Drew?
Hey, what's up, Jerome?
375
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:49,656
Hey.
376
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,291
What are you doing here, man?
377
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,960
I'm looking
for Vision Ray Specs, Inc.
378
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,627
I bought a pair
of X-ray glasses,
379
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,196
but the things don't even work.
380
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,497
I'm getting
my money back.
381
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,032
Ah, sorry about that.
382
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,567
You're Vision Ray Specs, Inc?
383
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,536
Yep. Look, I can get
you something else.
384
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,605
Uh, whoopie cushion,
joy buzzers,
385
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,374
sea monkeys, black gum.
386
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,409
Nah, that's okay.
I just want my money.
387
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,677
Drew couldn't see
through his hand,
388
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,679
but he could see
through Ryan's BS.
389
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,481
Here.
390
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,349
I'll give you half.
What's this?
391
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,551
That's 50 cents.
Glasses cost a dollar.
392
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,687
I spent five dollars
on shipping and handling.
393
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,389
That's six. You owe me three.
394
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,394
Whoa, whoa,
give me my 50 cents back.
395
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,630
That's what 50's girlfriend
said to Vivica Fox.
396
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,632
Now that I had my fake ID,
397
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,634
I was ready to have
some real fun.
398
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,569
Okay, Chris, you know the rules.
399
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,671
You go directly
to Greg's house,
400
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,373
you stay at Greg's house,
401
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,542
and tomorrow, you
come directly home.
402
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,710
Right.
403
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:44,577
TONYA:
And remember,
404
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,413
if you do anything
you shouldn't do,
405
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,315
it'll be like sticking a knife
in your mother's back.
406
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,550
What she said.
407
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,588
Hey, honey.
408
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,624
You look nice.
409
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:03,096
What's for dinner tonight?
410
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,465
I don't know, baby.
Ask your daddy.
411
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,467
I'm hanging out
with Vanessa tonight,
412
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,337
since he doesn't
want to have a party.
413
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:14,274
Daddy, Mommy told me
to ask you what's for dinner.
414
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,609
Big bucket of fried crow.
415
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,317
Dude, we are so in there.
416
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,353
I hope so.
You got yours memorized?
417
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:28,521
Yeah. Paul Stanley,
June 6, 1968.
418
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:31,191
What about you?
Gene Simmons,
April 4, 1968.
419
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,493
Whoa! IDs, please.
420
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,164
Gene Simmons,
421
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:40,533
April 4, 1968.
422
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,103
Isn't that the day they
assassinated Dr. King?
423
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:45,738
I didn't have nothing
to do with it.
424
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,674
Mm-hmm. And,
Paul Stanley,
425
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,810
your birthday is
June 6, 1968--
426
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,380
the same day Robert Kennedy
was assassinated.
427
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:55,482
And here you two
are together.
428
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,684
What are the odds
of that happening?
429
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,752
About the same
as you being dumb enough
430
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,588
to believe any answer
we give you.
431
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,423
It's crazy.
432
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:04,624
It is, ain't it?
433
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,226
Go ahead.
Have a good time.
434
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:07,294
Ah, yeah.
435
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,129
Hey, Paul, Gene...
436
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,563
don't get shot.
437
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,669
Of all the things
I did expect to see
438
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,838
when I went into
an adult nightclub,
439
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,274
there was one thing
I didn't expect:
440
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,276
a bunch of kids.
441
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:25,678
Hey, if it isn't
Bosco and Milk.
442
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,115
Caruso?
You like the Fat Boys?
443
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,749
I'm not Caruso, idiot.
444
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:32,319
In here, I'm H. Rap Brown.
445
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,254
You think I'd miss
the Human Beatbox?
446
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,389
She's, like,
a hip-hop Bobby McFerrin.
447
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,524
Who?
448
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,659
Dude, like, half
our class is in here.
449
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,261
Hey, you guys
want some drinks?
450
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:42,562
James?
451
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:45,565
Hey, man, I'm not James.
I'm Tom Cruise.
452
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:46,833
What are you guys having?
453
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,468
Uh, two iced teas.
454
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,636
Need to see some ID.
455
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:52,472
ANNOUNCER:
Brooklyn, give it up
456
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:53,806
for Prince Markie Dee,
457
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,808
Kool Rock-Ski and...
458
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:59,479
Buffy the Human Beatbox!
459
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,514
All right, everybody,
up against the wall!
460
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:02,549
Show's over!
461
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,851
You're not taking me!
462
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:09,656
What's the problem?
463
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,491
The problem is,
everybody in here is two.
464
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,426
You got a major
fake ID problem.
465
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,529
MANAGER:
I don't know what
you're talking about.
466
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:17,897
Yeah, neither does
Larry Bird here.
467
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:21,768
Let's get all these
fake IDs out! Now!
468
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,870
Hey, Vito, you gonna let him
do me like this, man?
469
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:24,704
Come on, man!
470
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,706
Hey, man! You don't
know me like that.
471
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:29,276
Come on. I'm from Brooklyn!
472
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,578
Whatever happened
to Hall and Oates?
473
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,880
Back at home, my plans
had gone up in smoke.
474
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:36,883
But my father was about
to put me back in the mix.
475
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,751
Hey, Ma.
Hi, baby!
476
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,521
How was your night?
It was cool.
How was yours?
477
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:42,889
Ask him.
478
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,761
Chris, I need your help.
479
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:52,265
Sure. What do you need?
480
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,767
I've got something
I need to do.
481
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,537
Look, I need you to take
your mother to lunch.
482
00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,472
Here's some money.
Here you go.
483
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:00,873
Whoa, this is serious.
484
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:03,443
I'll be back about 2:00.
485
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,278
I don't know
what's more surprising:
486
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,747
my mother giving my father
the cold shoulder,
487
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:10,483
or my father giving me
cold cash.
488
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,689
ALL:
Surprise!
489
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,191
Happy birthday to me!
490
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,830
Who are all these people?
491
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:27,567
JULIUS:
The only people I could find
for the party.
492
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,837
Oh, baby!
493
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,472
Mwah! Ooh!
494
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,308
Blow out the candles before
you set the house on fire.
495
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,711
:
Yay!
496
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,815
Oh, I'll get it.
497
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,352
Ma'am, we confiscated
498
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:48,221
an ID in a raid at
a nightclub last night
499
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,590
that belongs to someone
who lives at this address.
500
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:51,824
An ID?
Yes.
501
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,693
It was being used
by kids who were there
502
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,362
in a failed attempt
to see the Fat Boys.
503
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:56,929
As a community service,
504
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,898
I am returning it
to its rightful owner.
505
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,600
Well, what's the name
on the ID?
506
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:01,734
Gene Simmons.
507
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:04,637
Because Ace Frehley
would've sounded ridiculous.
508
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,878
Ah, yeah, that
Gene Simmons, yeah.
509
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,946
I do recognize him.
510
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:16,916
Come tomorrow, nobody
will be able to recognize him.
511
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,785
Thank you.
512
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,722
Gene...!
513
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:25,458
* Everybody hates
514
00:20:25,492 --> 00:20:27,927
* Gene.
515
00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:52,952
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