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00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:04,472
EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS #073
Closed Captioned
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00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,340
CHRIS ROCK:
Becoming manager
of the football team
3
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,675
had its perks.
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00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,910
I wasn't exactly part
of the cool crowd,
5
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:12,646
but I did get
to be around them.
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00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,849
Hey, yo, Chris, this
milk smells funny.
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00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,618
Taste this, and tell
me if it's spoiled.
8
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:21,055
Yeah, it's spoiled.
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00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:23,324
Yeah, I thought so.
10
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,558
Anyway, like I was saying.
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00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,960
Taimak is gonna be
the next Bruce Lee.
12
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:28,429
Taimak?
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00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:31,299
You mean Taimak from The Last
Dragon
14
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,067
No, Taimak from CNN.
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00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,302
Yeah, that's right.
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00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,836
I love that movie.
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00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,471
After The Last Dragon,
karate became
18
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,640
more popular
in the ghetto than poverty.
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00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,775
Everybody was doing it.
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00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,478
Boys were doing karate.
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00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:45,679
Girls were doing it.
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00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,181
GIRLS:
Yah!
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00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,318
Even old people were doing it.
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00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,790
He's not doing karate--
he's just crazy.
25
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:59,427
Hey, we're going to
see a midnight show
in Times Square.
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00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:00,794
You can come if you want.
27
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,496
No, I can't.
28
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:03,497
Midnight?
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00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:04,832
Yeah, what's the matter?
30
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,400
Past your bedtime?
31
00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:07,401
Yes!
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00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,204
Nah. I just...
I just had this party
33
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:11,672
I was supposed
to go to, but...
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00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:13,341
you know, I guess
I can skip that.
35
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:14,342
All right, cool.
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00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:15,509
We'll see you there.
37
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,044
Not at midnight you won't.
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00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:33,361
* Ah, make it funky now.
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00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:37,398
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
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00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,046
Wow, I can't believe
you're going to go to see
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00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,115
The Last Dragon with
Dickerson and his crew.
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00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:56,850
You are so in there.
No, Greg, I'm not
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00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,786
My parents aren't gonna let
me see a midnight movie.
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00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,053
Then why'd you say yes?
45
00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:01,855
Because I didn't want
to look like some punk
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00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,757
who can't get out of
the house past 9:00.
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00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,293
But since you are,
what are you gonna
48
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,827
tell them after
you don't show up?
49
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,197
That I got sent to jail for
killing my nerdy white friend?
50
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,031
While I was planning
a good excuse.
51
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,401
My dad was planning
my mom's anniversary.
52
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,403
What's up, everybody?
Hey, hey, youngblood.
53
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,004
Where's Manny?
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00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:18,539
He's opening another
shop, in Detroit.
55
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:19,873
When did you start
cutting hair?
56
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:22,276
When we were kids everybody
in our house had a job.
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00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,511
Ryan was the barber.
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00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,678
Yeah. So, Julius, where
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00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,014
are you taking Rochelle
for her anniversary tonight?
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00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:29,750
We're going to see
Show Dogs on Broadway.
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00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,652
Show Dogs?
What's that about?
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00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:32,986
It's only the most
extravagant musical
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00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,989
ever to come to the United
States from a foreign shore.
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00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:40,728
It's a high-voltage
spectacle of song and dance!
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00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:41,762
ALL:
Ooh...
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00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,130
Is that all?
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00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,667
No, girl. We're gonna have
dinner at Domaine et Mer,
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00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,369
and we're spending a night
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00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,004
at the Times Square
Regency Hotel.
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00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:53,674
Ooh, a hotel. Not a motel.
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00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,843
Oh, no, I don't do
outside hallways.
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00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,678
Oh, that sounds good.
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00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,347
I was married once.
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00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,549
For our anniversary,
he took me to a Knicks game.
75
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,217
I broke up with
him at halftime.
76
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:06,220
And ended up going home
with Bernard King.
77
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:09,022
Between this hair
and my Armando Vermani bag,
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00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,525
I don't think I'm-a be
able to stand myself.
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00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:14,061
Ooh, ooh.
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00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,929
While my mom was
gearing up to go out,
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00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:17,365
I was bailing out
to stay in.
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00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,032
Hey, Dickerson, I can't
make it to that movie tonight.
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00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,434
It's my cousin's birthday
84
00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:22,703
and she's really counting
on me to be at the party.
85
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,238
All right, man, but
you're missing out.
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00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,239
Next time.
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00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,241
Yeah, maybe.
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00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:30,244
And maybe I'll never
get invited out again.
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00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,713
All right, well,
I hope you feel better.
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00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,081
Get some rest.
91
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,585
Who was that?
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00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,587
Gloria. She got a fever.
93
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,722
She won't be able to
watch the kids tonight.
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00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:45,393
What? Oh baby.
I can't believe this.
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00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:48,061
That was $150 worth
of show tickets.
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00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:51,799
Uh-oh. She's about to do
a dramatic head turn.
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00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:52,933
Told you.
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00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,736
Show tickets?
99
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,405
What about our anniversary?
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00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,072
Well, that's what I meant.
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00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,609
We won't be able to use those
$150 worth of show tickets
102
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,744
to celebrate our anniversary.
103
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,112
Sidney Poitier had nothing
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00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:07,548
on my father's acting
abilities.
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00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,517
And the award for "Best Husband
106
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,619
"Acting Like He Was Sad
About Not Going Out
107
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,087
"On His Anniversary
When He Was Actually Upset
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00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:17,057
About Losing His Money"
goes to...
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00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,826
Julius!
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00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:22,563
Julius,
ladies and gentlemen.
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00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,797
Oh, my God!
112
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,538
What's wrong?
113
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,272
I thought you guys
were going out.
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00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:34,141
The sitter canceled,
and my anniversary is ruined.
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00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,109
Other than that,
everything is fine.
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00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,745
If this was a cartoon,
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00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,847
you'd see a lightbulb
appear above my head.
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00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,181
I can watch Drew and Tonya,
119
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,816
and you and Dad
can still go out.
120
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:46,320
Chris, this is not for a few
hours; it'll be all night.
121
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:47,721
Ma, I can handle it.
122
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,723
Well, what if Drew gets a fever?
123
00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:50,791
I'll call a doctor.
124
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,292
What if Tonya sets
something on fire?
125
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:53,561
I'll call the Fire Department.
126
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,828
What if somebody
tries to break in?
127
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:55,663
I'll call the police.
128
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,130
What if you get
attacked by ghosts?
129
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,166
I'll call Ghostbusters.
130
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,938
Ma, I can do it.
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00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,575
I mean, I know how much you've
been looking forward to this
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00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:10,678
and I wouldn't want you
to miss it because of us.
133
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:14,748
And the award for
"Best Kid Pretending
134
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,984
"Like He Gives A Damn
About His Mother's Anniversary
135
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,218
"When He Really Wants
To Get Out Of The House
136
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,553
"So He Can Sneak Out And Do
137
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,922
Something He Doesn't Have
Any Business Doing"
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00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,458
goes to... Chris!
139
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,297
Chris, ladies
and gentlemen.
140
00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:34,101
Oh... Thank you, Chris.
141
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:36,804
I'm gonna go get ready.
142
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,707
That left only
one thing for me to do.
143
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,942
Hey, Dickerson.
144
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:44,277
Yeah, good news;
the party got cancelled,
145
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:45,513
I'll see you guys at the movies.
146
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,747
Hey, who's this?
Who's on the line?
147
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:50,150
It's Chris...
the football team manager.
148
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,185
From Tattaglia.
149
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:57,491
Yeah. Yeah. Cool.
150
00:05:57,525 --> 00:06:00,127
While my parents got ready
for their big night out,
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00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,496
I got ready
for my big sneak-out.
152
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,665
Hey, Drew, Tonya--
Chris is in charge.
153
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,800
I want y'all to be
on your best behavior.
154
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,301
If Chris accidentally
catches on fire,
155
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:10,303
jumps out a window
to fan out the flames
156
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,372
and falls to his death,
is he still in charge?
157
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,307
No, then Drew is in charge.
158
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:15,609
Boy, what are you doing?
159
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:16,977
I'm gonna get
on That's Incredible
160
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,211
by using my psychic powers
161
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,312
to bend this spoon.
162
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:20,981
Not with my good
silver you're not.
163
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,416
Go mind-bend a spork
or something.
164
00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:23,984
Chris, you know
what to do.
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00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,152
Yeah, I got
everything covered.
166
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,153
I got
all the emergency numbers--
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00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:29,156
Fire, Police, SWAT, FBI,
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00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:32,125
CIA, IRS, NAACP,
and the NBA.
169
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,061
In case
Chris Mullin breaks in.
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00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:36,296
Bye.
All right...
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00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,198
Bye.
...we'll be back
in the morning.
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00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,102
While my parents
were at the play,
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00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,271
I was getting ready
to make a play.
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00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:51,144
That's not incredible,
that's just stupid.
175
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:01,455
She sleeps like an angel
but acts like the Devil.
176
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,131
I love you, baby.
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00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,033
This is going to be the
best anniversary ever.
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00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,802
I know.
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00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,314
Hey, um, no, no, I--
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00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,716
No, hey--
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00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:32,452
He was-- he was--
he's okay.
182
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,588
I'm so embarrassed.
183
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:37,725
While my father had stopped
the show before it started,
184
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,761
I was starting to think
Dickerson was a no-show.
185
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,769
Chris?
186
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,844
Chris.
187
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,619
The idle sister
is the Devil's workshop.
188
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,623
Even though nobody showed,
189
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:12,693
I figured since I was out,
I may as well go in.
190
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,027
Forget this.
191
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,840
That's what happens
when you talk over the trailer
192
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:29,209
for Three Men and a Baby.
193
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,083
The next day,
I pulled a Robert Blake
194
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,619
and tried to forget
all about the shooting.
195
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,487
Make sure it's tight, Tonya.
196
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,855
Isn't this
how Houdini died?
197
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,157
No, Houdini died from
secondary peritonitis
198
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,794
due to a ruptured spleen from
being punched in the stomach.
199
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,562
Hey, kids.
Hi.
200
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:51,131
DREW & TONYA:
Mom, Dad.
201
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,199
Oh...
202
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,734
Hi, baby.
203
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,235
So... Chris,
204
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,469
how did it go?
205
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:57,938
Great, fine,
never been better,
206
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,573
smooth as silk.
207
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,408
With a bullet hole in it.
208
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,543
So how was the play?
Well, we never saw it
209
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,579
because we got
kicked out
210
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,881
because your dad knocked
out one of the actors.
211
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,983
You knocked out
one of the dogs?
212
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,151
He snuck up on me.
213
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:12,686
You were
in a theater,
214
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:13,887
not an alley.
215
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,756
Hey, look at this.
A guy got shot
216
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:16,890
last night right
down the street
217
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,125
from where you
guys saw the play.
218
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,493
Oh... too bad we
didn't go see a movie.
219
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:24,064
Maybe your dad could have
knocked out the shooter.
220
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,099
Did they catch the
guy who did it?
221
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,134
Nope.
222
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,936
How do you get shot
in a movie theater
223
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,570
and not have
any witnesses?
224
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,706
Because nobody wants
to be a snitch, that's why.
225
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,574
What do you mean?
226
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,043
In the early days
in the black communities,
227
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,678
people enjoyed telling
on each other.
228
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,847
You couldn't do anything
without getting caught.
229
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,184
Who did this?
230
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:45,252
He did.
231
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,790
Thousands of criminals
were sent to jail
232
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,124
by law-abiding citizens.
233
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:52,159
Thanks.
234
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,761
No problem.
235
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,128
It wasn't until those people
got out of jail
236
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,930
and started killing the people
that sent them there...
237
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:59,032
...that snitching got a bad rep.
238
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,173
Who did this?
239
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,941
I don't know.
240
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,609
Wasn't me.
241
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,178
MAN:
I didn't see nothing.
242
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:14,682
When dinner was finished,
Tonya was just getting started.
243
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:15,949
I know what you did.
244
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:17,951
Words no man ever wants
to hear a woman say.
245
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,019
What?
246
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,821
What did I do?
You know.
247
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,555
You snuck out
of the house last night.
248
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:24,624
Prove it.
249
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,830
Busted.
250
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,567
Okay, how much do you want?
251
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:35,736
$50.
252
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,771
$50?!
That's my whole week's pay.
253
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:38,772
It's either that
or Momma's going
254
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,107
to smack the sneak
out of you.
255
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,209
Fine.
256
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,082
How long was that?
257
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:50,884
Two minutes
and 15 seconds.
258
00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:52,920
Dang.
259
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,423
I was getting found out
at home
260
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,058
and finding out things
at school.
261
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,459
Hey, Chris.
262
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,394
What happened at the
movies Friday night?
263
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:04,197
We couldn't make it, but
I heard somebody got shot.
264
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,598
Somebody got shot?
265
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:06,599
Yeah.
266
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:07,735
Oh, well,
267
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,302
I wouldn't know, 'cause...
268
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,771
I didn't go.
269
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,773
Hold up-- you
stood us up?
270
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:14,607
But you just said
that you didn't go.
271
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:17,544
It don't matter-- if
we invite you someplace
272
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,279
we expect you to show up.
273
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:20,647
That's just rude, man.
274
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,315
Sorry.
275
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,817
Too bad we didn't go.
276
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,152
If we had seen
that shooting,
277
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,787
we'd be collecting that
reward money right now.
278
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,288
Reward money?
279
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:29,422
Yeah.
280
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,358
The cops are offering
a thousand dollars
281
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,260
to anybody who can
identify the shooter.
282
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,527
Thousand dollars?
283
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,196
What are you, a parrot?
A parrot?
284
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,431
Yeah, every time I say
something, you say it?
I say it?
285
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,468
Anyway, I'll
catch you later.
286
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:42,970
Catch you later.
287
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,305
Don't stand us up again.
288
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,142
In the meantime,
the silent treatment
289
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,845
was ringing
in my father's ears.
290
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,184
Oh, come on, honey.
291
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,186
It's been three days.
292
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,622
How long you gonna keep
giving me the silent treatment?
293
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,461
You ruined my
anniversary--
294
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:09,629
I'd say about a year.
295
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,799
He'd like to go for two.
296
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,066
Why is it always
my responsibility
297
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,835
to make sure
the anniversary is good
298
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,870
while you get to sit back
and complain?
299
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,406
I spent money
on dinner, tickets,
300
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:21,341
a hotel, and what do I get?
301
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,710
$250 worth of angry stare.
302
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,146
Nowadays that stare
costs over a thousand.
303
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,181
Okay, Mr. Hurt Feelings,
304
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:31,584
exactly what is it that
you want me to do?
305
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,957
ROCHELLE:
Happy anniversary!
306
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,859
The J Beauties again?!
307
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,728
Have fun, baby--
I'll see you tomorrow.
308
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,698
Hi.
309
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,968
Now, you just had
to push it, didn't you?
310
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,037
My mother didn't even want
my father's dreams
311
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,472
to run off with a white woman.
312
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,641
Back at school,
I was wondering how to collect
313
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:57,044
a thousand dollars without
collecting a bullet in my back.
314
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,012
You can't do it, man--
you have any idea
315
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,181
what they do to snitches
in the joint?
Do you?
316
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,883
Yeah, I do--
my Aunt Patricia told me.
317
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,084
Your Aunt Patricia
was in jail?
318
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,286
Yeah, but that was when
she was still my Uncle Pat.
319
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,088
Trust me, dude,
you do not want to snitch.
320
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,857
I don't know, man,
I got to do something.
321
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,825
There's a thousand dollars
with my name on it.
322
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,293
Whatever you do,
don't include me.
323
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,728
And if anybody asks, this
conversation never happened.
324
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,132
To get that cold, hard cash,
325
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,968
I needed someone
to take the heat.
326
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:25,138
So, all I got to do
is go into the police station,
327
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:26,573
give a description
of the guy,
328
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,808
they give me a thousand dollars,
and I could keep half?
329
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,577
Right.
No, thanks.
330
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,246
I ain't trying
to be no snitch.
Oh, no, no, no.
331
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,082
See, you're not snitching,
332
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,283
I'm snitching.
333
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,550
You're just collecting
the snitch money.
334
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,752
Hmm...
335
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:42,389
Okay, I'll do it--
but don't tell nobody.
336
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,291
What you think I am, a snitch?
337
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,825
Yes.
338
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:48,761
Hey.
339
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:57,137
You got the money?
They said I get it as soon
as they arrest the guy.
340
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,939
So, you told them
about the red shirt
341
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,874
and two-tone shoes and
the stingy brim hat?
Yep.
342
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,876
It was either a black guy
or Justin Timberlake.
343
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:04,577
Then I picked him
out of a lineup.
344
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,713
You did what?!
I picked him
out of a lineup.
345
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:09,049
You never saw him-- what if
you picked the wrong guy?
346
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,683
Hey, it happens to me
all the time.
347
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:11,885
Hold it right there.
348
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,321
You're under arrest.
Wha... Wha... What?
349
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,990
Falsifying a police report,
obstruction of justice.
350
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,026
Back then police still cared
351
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,929
about arresting
the right person.
352
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:31,171
At the barbershop, rumors
about Jerome were spreading
353
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,340
faster than Britney Spears
for the paparazzi.
354
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,675
Cannot believe Jerome snitched.
355
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:39,046
Ain't nothing they hate more
in jail than a snitch.
356
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,413
There's a few things
they hate more,
357
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:41,949
but let's say snitching's
in the top five.
358
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:43,616
Man, I know a dude
that committed suicide,
359
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,885
didn't leave a note, 'cause
he didn't want to be a snitch.
360
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,854
Is it really that bad in there?
361
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,057
Nah, prison is fun.
You guys don't think
they'll kill him, do you?
362
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,095
Don't look at me!
363
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:58,231
I don't know nothing.
364
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,670
Back home, my father hoped
some special treatment
365
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,672
would end
the silent treatment.
366
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:08,775
Julius, what the heck are
you doing here in the dark?
367
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:12,946
I'm giving you
your anniversary back.
368
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:16,149
Julius, this is amazing.
369
00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:18,851
You did all of this for me?
370
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,187
And there's more.
371
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,922
I got you two tickets
to Show Dog tonight.
372
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,992
I have to work,
but you can take Vanessa.
373
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,259
Well, what about the kids?
374
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,961
Chris stayed with them
the other night.
375
00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,662
He could take care
of them again.
376
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:33,600
Oh, baby, this is the best
make-up anniversary ever.
377
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,268
Translation:
378
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:38,438
you blew it once,
don't let it happen again.
379
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,273
My father was
out of the doghouse,
380
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:44,211
but Jerome was still stuck
in the big house.
381
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,679
Hello?
382
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,215
Little dude
from across the street?
383
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,151
Jerome?
Yo, you got to get me
out of here, man.
384
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:52,419
People think I'm a snitch.
385
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,853
And how am I supposed
to do that?
386
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,222
I ain't no snitch,
387
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,790
so even if I did know,
I wouldn't tell you.
388
00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,260
All I know is
I'm in here because of you,
389
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,130
so either we both gonna be out
or we both gonna be in.
390
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,897
You decide.
391
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,404
I had to sneak out
of the house,
392
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:14,407
but as always, one little thing
stood in my way.
393
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,409
Tonya.
394
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,245
What?
395
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,180
I have to go out, and
I don't want you to tell.
396
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,714
How much?
Ten dollars,
397
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,716
plus you do laundry
on my next turn.
398
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:26,286
Deal.
399
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,455
Down at the police station,
400
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,123
I needed to get Jerome out
401
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,159
without getting myself
thrown in.
402
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,096
What can I do
for you, son?
403
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,630
I got a question.
How can I get someone out
404
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:38,965
of jail who shouldn't
be in jail?
405
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,300
Two ways.
406
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,435
You got to post bail or
they got to be innocent.
407
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,437
Well, what if they're
in jail
408
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,439
for giving information
that was wrong.
409
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:47,474
Well, then bring
us the person
410
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,508
with the information
that's right.
411
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:49,509
You mean a snitch?
412
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,512
I like to call them "the
law's little helpers."
413
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:54,447
Is there something you
want to tell me?
414
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,283
I had run out of options.
415
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,551
The only way to get Jerome out
of that dirty jail
416
00:16:58,585 --> 00:16:59,886
was to come clean.
417
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:01,154
Okay.
418
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,723
Meanwhile, my mother celebrated
her anniversary
419
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,392
the way my father dreamed it
Thank you.
420
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:06,993
with Vanessa.
Ooh, it's about
to start.
421
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,028
Okay, ooh, ooh.
422
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,939
Ooh!
Damn it!
423
00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,774
Vanessa!
I-I know...
424
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:24,444
And that's why black people
hate Broadway.
425
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,446
What y'all looking at?
426
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,448
After trying to not snitch
on someone else,
427
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,450
I had to finally snitch
on myself.
428
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:31,784
Man! Little dude!
429
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,820
Am I glad to see you.
430
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,257
You're lucky your story
checked out, son.
431
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:38,925
Your friend could've
gotten hurt in there.
432
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,727
You guys would have protected
him, right?
433
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:41,561
No.
434
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:42,729
And don't try
435
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,063
running games
on us again.
436
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,565
We do this stuff
for a living.
437
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,834
Am I going to jail?
438
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:50,503
You seem like a decent kid and
there was no real harm done...
439
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,305
Besides that guy that got shot.
440
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:53,906
...so we're gonna forget
this happened.
441
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,176
Now you, you seem
like a criminal.
442
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,977
That's because he is.
443
00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,479
But we're gonna let
you go, too.
444
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:00,413
He'll be back.
445
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:03,082
You're lucky we got
bigger fish to fry.
446
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,917
Now, don't you knuckleheads
let me catch you
447
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:06,686
doing anything like
this again.
448
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:08,355
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
449
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,822
Little dude,
you snitched?
450
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,291
Yeah.
Thanks.
451
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,560
That day I learned
people don't like it
452
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,228
when a snitch puts them
in jail,
453
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,563
but they sure don't mind it
454
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,598
when a snitch gets them out.
455
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,370
That week my mother
got another surprise.
456
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,405
Hello, ma'am.
457
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,340
Yes, can I help you?
458
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,608
You must be Chris's mom.
459
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:29,809
Uh, may I come in?
460
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,879
Sure.
461
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,481
As I'm sure you're aware,
462
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,216
last Friday at the
midnight movies,
463
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:37,984
Chris was a witness
to a shooting.
464
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,052
He was?
Yes.
465
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,488
And the valuable information
he gave us
466
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,290
led us to the arrest
of the perpetrator.
467
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:44,324
Wait, hold on.
468
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,892
Last Friday
469
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,860
Yes. You didn't know?
470
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,729
No.
Well,
471
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:51,097
anyway, I'm just here
472
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,433
to personally deliver
this reward of $1,000
473
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,268
and to thank him.
Is he around?
474
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,769
He's around.
475
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,805
But I'm not sure
how much longer.
476
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:01,341
Officer, thank you
so much for coming by.
477
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,243
I'll be sure that
he gets this.
478
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:04,411
Of course.
479
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,446
Thank you for
your time.
Mm-hmm.
480
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,155
If you don't mind
me asking...
481
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,757
What in the world
is he doing?
482
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:20,793
Well, he's trying to get
on That's Incredible.
483
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,631
Son, I hate to be the one
to tell you this,
484
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,299
but That's Incredible
has been off the air
485
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,434
for two years now.
486
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:28,868
They're called
reruns.
487
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,770
The only thing that hurt more
than Drew's feet
488
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:33,473
was my sore behind after my mom
gave me a whoopin'.
489
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:36,809
But the next day, I was just
glad everything was behind me.
490
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,812
Yo, little dude from
across the street.
491
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,348
I heard they caught
the shooter
492
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,515
and you got paid.
493
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:45,184
I did my part, so
where's my $500?
494
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:46,185
My mom took it.
495
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:47,186
You can ask her for it.
496
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,521
Nah, nah, man.
497
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:49,922
My deal was with you.
498
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,391
Well, I don't have it.
499
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,059
Well, then
looks like
500
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,061
you're just gonna have to
give me a dollar a day
501
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:57,063
for the next...
502
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:58,598
* Can you see them?
503
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:03,670
* See right through them...
504
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,272
500 days?
505
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,807
I was gonna say 50.
506
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,009
Well, that's what you
get for snitching.
507
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,944
Now, let me hold a dollar.
508
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,518
* Our lips are sealed.
509
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:22,622
* Everybody hates Chris.
510
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:26,393
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