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CHRIS ROCK:
One of the biggest problems
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00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:07,508
I had in school
was I got no respect.
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00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:10,178
People disrespected
me at lunch.
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00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,279
Hey! That's my roll.
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00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,247
Shut up.
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00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,317
They disrespected me
in the halls.
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00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,385
Hey, man,
that's my coat.
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00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:18,419
Shut up!
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00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:23,357
They even disrespected me
during fire drills.
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00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,258
Oh, Chris, you
go back inside
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00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:27,195
and make sure
nothing valuable burns.
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00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,130
I tried to make friends.
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00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,398
I even ran for office.
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00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:33,201
I just couldn't
get any respect.
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00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:34,735
Hey!
Shut up.
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00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,071
You. Pick those up.
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00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:38,272
What if I don't?
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00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:40,508
The only kids in school
that got respect from everyone
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00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:41,709
were the hall monitors.
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00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,477
I'll put you
in detention so long,
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00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,413
your kids will get
out of school before you.
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00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:48,582
Hall monitors were the closest
thing we had to the police.
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00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:51,185
They couldn't arrest you,
but they could write you up.
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00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,253
Thanks.
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00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,522
Oh, and if you're black,
they could shoot you.
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00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,190
You need to be in class.
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00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,492
All right.
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00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,761
Being on the wrong side
of a hall monitor
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00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:03,231
was like being
on the wrong side of the law.
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00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:06,267
Nobody messed
with those guys.
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00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,502
What you going
to do now... Coco Puff?
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00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:11,339
The only thing I could do--
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00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:16,344
join the few, the proud,
the hall monitors.
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00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:26,420
Captioning sponsored by
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Captioning sponsored by
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00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,278
Man, a hall monitor.
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00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:51,479
How'd you get in?
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00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:54,615
Jesse Jackson
threatened a boycott.
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00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,384
Oh, I asked Mrs. Milone.
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00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:58,486
She said as long as
I kept my grades up,
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00:01:58,519 --> 00:01:59,820
there'll be no problem.
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00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:02,156
Man, I always wanted
43
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,090
to be a hall monitor.
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00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,293
What Greg imagined
hall monitors did
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00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:08,329
and what they actually did
were two different things.
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00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:11,832
Hall Dog One to Hall Dog Two.
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00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,501
I have a group of
violators. Sector one.
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00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,436
On my signal... Go! Go! Go!
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00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,171
Hall monitors! Down!
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00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:19,307
Get on the ground! Go!
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00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,674
That's what happens to punks
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00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,176
who linger
after the second bell.
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00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,377
Book 'em, guys.
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00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,846
We got a runner!
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00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,315
This is so awesome.
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00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,183
Yeah, I know, and
the best thing is,
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00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,651
I'm finally going
to get some respect.
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00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:33,187
Watch out, Othello.
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00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:35,189
It'll be different when
you get your armband on.
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00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:37,591
Yeah, if I wrap it
around a baseball bat.
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00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:40,661
When my mother worked,
she had two jobs--
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00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,231
her job and complaining
about her job.
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00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:45,233
You will not believe
what this woman
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00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,434
did at my job today.
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00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,202
Did she wake anybody up?
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00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,303
What?
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00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,372
When I first walked in,
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00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,241
she had the nerve
to smile in my face
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00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,475
and then look up at the clock,
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00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,810
and say, "Ooh,
train running late?"
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00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,379
I don't know who
she thinks she is,
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00:02:58,412 --> 00:02:59,747
but she is not my boss.
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00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,749
Every time my mother
got a new job,
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00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,484
there was always
someone she hated.
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00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,353
At the hospital, it was Tammy.
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00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:06,687
So Tammy says to set
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00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,322
the defibrillator to 200.
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00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:09,323
I know how to set
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00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,324
the defibrillator.
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00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,426
I'm gonna defibrillate her.
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00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:13,861
At the fire station,
it was Betty.
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00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:14,928
That damn Betty
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00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:15,929
set the water pressure
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00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:16,930
at a hundred pounds
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00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:17,765
per square inch,
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00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,900
when she know
I told her to set it
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00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,470
at 130 pounds per square inch.
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00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,372
I should've turned
the hose on her.
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00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,639
And at NASA, it was Belinda.
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00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,575
Can you believe that heifer?
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00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,377
I told her to set
the aft booster
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00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,445
at 25,000 feet per second,
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00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,414
and she looked at
me like I'm crazy.
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00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,449
Now, if we would've got stuck
in the ionosphere,
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00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,485
she would've been like, "Oh,
well, what we gonna do now?"
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00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,253
More Tang?
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00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:41,255
And at the office,
it was Charmaine.
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00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:43,391
And then when
I got back from lunch,
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00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:44,792
she done move my stapler.
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00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,827
Talking about, "That's
not where it goes."
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00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,396
I told her I put it there,
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00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,764
so that's where it goes.
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00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:55,269
He didn't hear a word she said.
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00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,837
Come on, baby, get up.
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00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,539
You gotta get ready for work.
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00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,507
He's up, woman.
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00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:06,614
Chris, your job begins
the moment the bell rings.
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00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:08,749
I know, and I'm supposed
to keep things orderly.
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00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:09,817
If anyone breaks a rule,
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00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,051
I'm supposed
to issue a citation.
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00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,821
The first citation is
considered a warning.
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00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,489
The second is detention,
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00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,857
The third is suspension.
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00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,360
And most importantly,
after that second bell rings,
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00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:20,594
any student out in the hall
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00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:21,829
has to have
a hall pass.
Correct.
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00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,497
Here is your citation book
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00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:24,898
and your armband.
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00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,500
Good luck.
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00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,502
Now, what if I give
someone a citation
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00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:29,570
but they don't want to take it?
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00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,439
Issue them a citation.
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00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,307
But if they didn't take
the first citation,
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00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:34,375
why would they take the second?
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00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,777
If you get a citation
for not taking a citation,
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00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:40,314
that's another citation and
that's an automatic suspension.
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00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:41,114
But what if...?
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00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,716
If you have
any more questions,
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00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,051
pretend I'm still here
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00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,620
and I said, "Issue a citation."
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00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:49,056
I'd like to issue a citation
upside her head.
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00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,993
Tonya tried playing
with me and Drew,
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00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,995
but we would never cooperate.
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00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:55,996
Mama.
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00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:56,997
What?
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00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,832
Chris and Drew won't play right.
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00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:03,003
This is how we played dolls.
138
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:06,039
Hey, anybody want
to play dolls with me?
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00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:07,508
Sure.
Sure.
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00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:13,414
I know your style,
Bed-Stuy Dragon Fist.
141
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:16,550
I know your style,
Park Slope Flying Tiger.
142
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:25,693
Stop.
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00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,361
It's not funny.
144
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:30,664
This is how
we played hopscotch.
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00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:31,865
Go, fish.
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00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:39,640
Y'all stop! Ma!
147
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,775
And this is how
we played jump rope.
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00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,582
You play too much. Come on.
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00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:49,650
No, you're the one messing up.
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00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,718
I'm not doing nothing.
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00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:51,919
Shut up.
Shut up.
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00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,921
Ahh!
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00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:54,888
Ah!
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00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,890
Stop!
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00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:58,859
Ma!
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00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,060
Get o me!
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00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,995
Tonya, why don't you invite
some friends
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00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,664
to come over to play?
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00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,966
Because you say you ain't want
none of those raggedy kids
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00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,067
in your house.
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00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,402
She actually said something
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00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:09,503
much worse than "raggedy."
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00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,639
Fine. You can have some
friends over, but keep them
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00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,541
out of my room,
out of my kitchen
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00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,676
and out of my way,
and don't bring
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00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,877
that little crazy
girl over here.
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00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:17,878
Thanks, Ma.
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00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,580
Hey, where
you going?
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00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,081
You're not finished yet.
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00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,450
Get back over here.
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00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:23,751
So, for the first time
in her life,
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00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,753
Tonya had friends.
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00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,187
A lot of people
don't know this,
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00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,889
but Billy Ocean
invented the moonwalk.
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00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,090
And it almost killed her.
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00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,460
And his real name
is Leslie Charles.
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00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:33,561
Did you know in Africa
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00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:34,795
and Europe, they
changed the lyrics
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00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,430
to "African" and
"European Queen"?
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00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:37,731
And in Puerto Rico,
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00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:39,099
they changed it
to "Drama Queen."
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00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,634
Oh.
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00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:41,735
Hey, Drew.
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00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,036
DREW:
Hi.
What are you watching?
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00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,672
Duel of the
Iron Fist.
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00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:47,608
Ooh, I like Duel
of the Iron Fist.
Liar.
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00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:48,742
Want to watch?
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00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:50,444
No, that's all right.
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00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:53,213
That day, my sister learned
something I already knew.
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00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,247
When it came to Drew,
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00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,917
you could kiss your
girlfriends good-bye.
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00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,455
It was exciting knowing
for the first time,
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00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:03,190
I wasn't going
to get walked on,
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00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,925
stepped over or pushed around.
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00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,194
I was finally going
to get some respect.
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00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,463
Hey, you! Stop running.
Shut up.
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00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,565
He must not have
seen my armband.
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00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:14,468
Hey, no gum-chewing
in school.
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00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:15,703
Shut up!
Shut up!
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00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:20,508
Hey, no rough housing
in the halls.
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00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,510
Shut up.
Shut up.
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00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,744
You'd better listen
or else I'm gonna
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00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,078
have to give you a citation.
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00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,947
A'ight.
Well, that's better.
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00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,749
Ow! Oh, no. Oh!
206
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:32,052
No. Uh-uh. No! No. No, no.
207
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:36,156
No, not the locker, not the
locker, not the locker! No!
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00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,660
No! You can't
do this to me!
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00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,495
I'm a hall monitor!
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00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:43,597
Now I'm a locker monitor.
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00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,705
CHRIS:
Greg. Greg.
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00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:53,741
Come here.
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00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:57,177
Thanks, man.
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00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,779
What happened to you?
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00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,247
Tried to give these
guys a citation
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00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,915
and they shoved me
in the locker.
217
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,083
I'm not surprised.
218
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,718
I mean, just look at
your body language.
219
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:05,886
What body language?
220
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,254
It screams, "Ignore me."
221
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,355
Your shoulders
are hunched over.
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00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:10,658
You're staring at the ground
and you sound like a girl.
223
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:11,525
Let me have that.
224
00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:13,260
I don't sound like a girl.
225
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,194
You hear like a girl.
226
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,597
And throw like a girl,
run like a girl
227
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,765
and scream like a girl.
228
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,733
I'm just saying--
people can hear
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00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:20,768
the fear in your voice.
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00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:21,702
If you want to
give out citations,
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00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,604
you have to give them out
like you mean it.
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00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,938
What is that for?
233
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:25,773
It's my thing.
234
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:29,209
Kojak had a lollipop
and I got this.
235
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,578
Hey!
236
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,547
What?
237
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,748
How many times
do I have to tell you?
238
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:35,883
No gum-chewing in the halls.
239
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,651
You never told us
no gum-chewing.
240
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,119
I'm telling you now.
241
00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:41,855
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
242
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,124
That explains
why Greg didn't get
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00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,626
a date until he was 20.
244
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,628
See?
Well, if you're
so good at it,
245
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,296
why don't you
become a hall monitor?
246
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:52,766
Who am I kidding?
Study hall is safer.
247
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:53,801
Want this?
248
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,603
No, I'll get my own.
249
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,273
While I was learning
how to deal with people,
250
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,676
Tonya was dealing
with being alone.
251
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:05,813
Where are all your friends?
252
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,815
I told them
they couldn't come over.
253
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:08,816
Why?
254
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,584
Because
255
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,720
they like you better than me.
256
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,990
Later on,
my father had evacuated
257
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,259
to avoid Hurricane Rochelle.
258
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:22,963
Man, you will not believe
what that wench did today.
259
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,300
Julius?
260
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,270
Unfortunately for my dad,
261
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,640
my mother needed to talk.
262
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:33,807
Julius?
263
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,647
And she needed to talk to him.
264
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:41,949
Julius?
265
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:46,319
She was like a bloodhound
looking for a prisoner.
266
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:49,957
Julius.
267
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,625
Huh
268
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:52,626
What are you doing in here?
269
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:56,096
Oh, I was making the bed
and then I feel asleep.
270
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,631
Liar.
271
00:09:57,665 --> 00:10:00,300
Oh, let me tell you
what Charmaine did today.
272
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:04,772
So she says to me, "Did you just
get your hair done?"
273
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,173
And she said it just like that.
274
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,642
And then she passes me the card
to her hairdresser
275
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:11,211
and says, "Ooh, you know, girl,
you should go to him.
276
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:12,245
He's real good."
277
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,982
I mean she got
some nerve.
278
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,317
Her hair so short, she can't
even roll it with rice.
279
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,986
I'm telling you, she got
one more time.
280
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:21,288
Maybe she thought
you'd like her hairdresser.
281
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,823
Uh-oh.
282
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:24,725
Are you defending her?
283
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:28,662
No. Um, I just thought...
maybe you took it wrong.
284
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:30,731
I took it wrong?
285
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,734
She asked me if I just
got my hair done
286
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,803
and then hands me a card
to her hairdresser.
287
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,806
That's like somebody
asking you if you
just took a shower
288
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,273
and then handing you
a bar of soap.
289
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,809
I was just trying to help.
290
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,343
Help who?
291
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,846
The woman has been messing with
me since the day I got there.
292
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,347
Now you're telling me
I'm taking it wrong?
293
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,982
Oh, no, she gonna take it wrong
294
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,851
when I knock her
over her block head.
295
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,452
Calm down.
296
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,887
Calm down?
297
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,422
Why should I calm down?
298
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:58,726
Oh, so I guess
you're going to
take sides with her, too.
299
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,828
Next thing I know, you're gonna
be passing me a card
300
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:01,829
to her hairdresser.
301
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,063
Why you getting
mad at me?
302
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:06,033
This woman hands you a card
and you trying to start a fight.
303
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,400
I am not trying
to start a fight.
304
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:09,202
She's the one trying
to start a fight.
305
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,738
I don't care who's trying
to start a fight.
306
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:11,872
I'm trying to get some sleep.
307
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:16,009
Well, I am so sorry for trying
to have a conversation
308
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,878
with my husband!
309
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,713
I've learned that when dealing
with a woman
310
00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:22,315
who has a problem, the last
thing she wants from a man
311
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,717
is a solution.
312
00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:26,453
Later I was thinking
about Greg.
313
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,155
And I wondered how my heroes
would handle
314
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,890
being a hall monitor.
315
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,825
I thought about how
Mr. T would handle it.
316
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,327
I pity the fool who doesn't
have a hall pass.
317
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,197
I thought about how
Dirty Harry would handle it.
318
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,099
I know what you're thinking...
319
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,802
Was that the first bell
or the second bell?
320
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,904
Well, you have to ask
yourself one question--
321
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,839
do you feel lucky?
322
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,841
Well, do you, punk?
323
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:50,343
I even thought about how
the Terminator would handle it.
324
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:55,883
No citation...
I'll be black.
325
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,420
If I was going to get
any respect,
326
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:02,222
I had to act like
I deserved it.
327
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:11,832
Tuck in your shirt.
328
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:13,500
That felt good.
329
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,068
Hey!
330
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:18,005
You want to fight
so bad,
331
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,339
fight the power.
332
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,041
That felt even better.
333
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:31,218
Run by here again, you're going
to get more than a citation.
334
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:34,955
No shades.
335
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:36,356
He's blind.
336
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,792
No snacks.
337
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:41,862
Hey, didn't you see me
come down just now?
338
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,263
Yeah.
339
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,265
So what, you're not going
to slap my books out of my hand
340
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,534
call me Chim-Chim,
Yafat and Roscoe?
341
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:50,037
Oh, I, uh, I got
to go to class.
342
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,338
Oh.
343
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,807
Well, take this with you.
344
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,809
What's this for?
345
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:58,278
I don't know, Bing,
you tell me.
346
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,814
I wonder if this is how
the first black cop felt.
347
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:03,450
Hey, pick that up!
348
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:06,019
Pick up the citation, too!
349
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,821
She must think
she lost her mind.
350
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:12,893
Take off your hat.
351
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,495
With that citation book
and an armband,
352
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:18,465
I had the power
to run this joint.
353
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,138
Hey, you, where's
your hall pass?
354
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:28,341
Oh, hey, man, you had
me worried there for a minute.
355
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,843
Greg, where's your hall pass?
356
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,511
Funny, man.
357
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,314
I'm not joking.
358
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,382
You're writing me up?
359
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:36,383
It's my job.
360
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,318
Nice work.
361
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:40,553
The citation doesn't seem
like a big deal,
362
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:42,923
but it kept Greg from getting
a job with the FBI.
363
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,962
I thought I had just
done my job,
364
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,031
but Greg thought I had
done a job on him.
365
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:51,999
Greg.
366
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:54,034
So what are you doing
for lunch tomorrow?
367
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:57,037
Staying out of the hallways,
that's what I'm doing.
368
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,305
Listen, I was just
doing my job.
369
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,908
I was using the bathroom.
You could have used
your discretion.
370
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,309
Listen, I didn't want
people to think
371
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,411
that I was going to be
soft on you just because
you were my friend.
372
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,379
You don't have to worry
about that anymore.
373
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:07,447
Half the school thinks
you're crazy.
374
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,882
You're like a dog with
citation rabies.
375
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,117
We're all scared of you.
376
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,986
Well, it's better
than when people
weren't scared of me.
377
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,287
Even Caruso's
leaving me alone.
378
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:15,956
I used to respect you.
379
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:18,992
Even though you got picked on,
made fun of and left out,
380
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,560
at least you knew
who you were.
381
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,595
Yeah, I was the kid
who got picked on,
382
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,464
made fun of and left out.
383
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:25,465
Greg.
384
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,968
I'm eating lunch by myself.
385
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,105
Chris.
386
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,609
Can I speak to you for a moment?
387
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:37,544
Yeah.
388
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:41,048
So, Chris, I hear our newest
hall monitor
389
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,050
is making a big impression.
390
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:43,984
Thanks.
391
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,986
Chris, we're friends, right?
392
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,654
Yeah...
393
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:48,555
No.
394
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,024
I'm not part of the
hall monitor program.
395
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:54,962
But, as a friend, I think
you should slow down a bit.
396
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,263
Why?
397
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:57,497
You just said I was impressive.
398
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:58,999
To me, yes.
399
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,034
But to the rest
of the students...
400
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,970
well, they hate you.
401
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,404
They've always hated me.
402
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,941
True, but they used to hate you
because you were black.
403
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:10,010
Now they hate you because
you're acting like a jerk.
404
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:11,278
And because I'm black.
405
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:12,645
So what do you mean?
406
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:15,215
You judo-flipped Rodney
for wearing a hat.
407
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,550
And I'm just doing my job.
408
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,453
I know how aggressive
the downtrodden can get
409
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:21,688
when they get a little taste
of power.
410
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:24,424
But, Chris,
411
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,093
you're just a hall monitor.
412
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:28,095
Calm down.
413
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:32,099
While I was thinking about
who I had turned into,
414
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:35,035
my father was worried about
what he was walking into.
415
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:35,902
Hey, babe.
416
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,737
You know, I don't
understand why you
417
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,938
just can't
listen to me.
418
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:41,708
I'm upset and I want to talk
about what happened at work.
419
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:42,976
I listen to you
420
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,577
when you complain
about work.
421
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,346
My father never complained
about work
422
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:47,380
no matter what happened.
423
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,382
One time he ran into a wall.
424
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:50,417
How was work, honey?
425
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,119
Fine.
426
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,720
One time he got held up.
427
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:55,655
Oh, how was
work, honey?
428
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,090
Fine.
429
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,326
One time he got
his head cut off.
430
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:00,393
So how was work?
431
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,395
Fine.
432
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:05,532
Chris, let me get
a piece of that bacon.
433
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:09,402
I was just making
a suggestion.
434
00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:12,172
Do you think I stayed married
for 14 years
435
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,041
because I need suggestions?
436
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,508
If I needed suggestions,
437
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,010
I'll get a suggestion box.
438
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:18,678
I need for somebody
to listen to me.
439
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:21,548
I'm telling you, if Charmaine
says one more thing to me
440
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,050
I'm going to strangle her.
441
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,085
He knows exactly how
she feels right now.
442
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,054
So, you just want me
to listen to you?
443
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:27,954
Yes, baby.
444
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:31,024
I need to know that
you're on my side.
445
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:33,060
While my dad was trying
to see it my mom's way,
446
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,528
Drew was trying
not to be seen.
447
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:37,664
Up, side, pull, pull.
448
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,333
Up, side, pull, pull.
449
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,202
Up, side, pull, pull.
450
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,645
Funny, Drew never stayed
out of the way
451
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,448
when I had girls over.
452
00:16:55,482 --> 00:17:00,553
Later I was trying to learn
what R-E-S-P-E-C-T meant to me.
453
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,656
Dad, how do you
get respect?
454
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,758
Respect?
You got to earn it.
455
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,295
How do I do that?
456
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:10,830
By being the type of person
that deserves respect.
457
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,433
But what if I am and people
still don't respect me?
458
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:16,203
If you were,
then that wouldn't happen.
459
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,837
But how am I supposed
to earn respect
460
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,772
if people
don't respect me?
461
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,274
Respect yourself.
462
00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:25,178
And how am I supposed
to do that?
463
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,479
Do you respect me?
464
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:27,380
Sure.
465
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:28,581
But what if you didn't?
466
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:29,716
Then what would I do?
467
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:30,650
Break my arm.
468
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,419
That wouldn't make you
respect me, Chris.
469
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,221
That would make you
scared of me.
470
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:35,855
When you respect people,
you aren't afraid of them.
471
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:40,093
When you're afraid of them,
you don't respect them.
472
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:43,296
I'm afraid I don't know
what you're talking about.
473
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,766
Since my mother
stopped talking,
474
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,668
my father started listening.
475
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,170
How was work today?
476
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,838
That's all she needed to hear.
477
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,874
You won't believe
what happened today.
478
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,008
What happened?
479
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:58,745
Well, see, I was supposed to
take my lunch break at 1:00,
480
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,280
but then all of a sudden
Charmaine decides
481
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,881
that she wants to go at 12:30.
482
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,216
12:30?
483
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,484
Mm-hmm. She did it on purpose,
too.
484
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:05,885
She knew I was hungry
and didn't have a break.
485
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:06,919
And she knew that?
486
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:09,289
Mm-hmm. And not only
did she take it for one hour,
487
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,324
she took it for an hour
and eight minutes.
488
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:12,592
An hour and eight minutes?
489
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,626
Yes. I told you
she was crazy.
490
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:14,861
Yeah, she's crazy.
491
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,796
Going to leave at 12:30 for
an hour and eight-minute lunch
492
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:19,399
and you ain't had a break.
See, that's
what I'm saying.
493
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,567
Ooh.
Crazy.
494
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,169
What's wrong with her?
I don't know.
495
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:24,237
Little did my mother know,
somewhere across town,
496
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,405
this was happening.
497
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,806
Then Rochelle had the
nerve to tell me,
498
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,575
"Charmaine, when it comes
to makeup, less is more."
499
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:29,542
Less is more?
500
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:31,744
And she had the nerve
to answer my phone,
501
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,313
and you know don't nobody
answer my phone but me.
502
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,781
She answers your phone?
503
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,516
And now my typewriter
ribbon is missing.
504
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,285
I know Rochelle got
my ribbon.
505
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:39,686
I can't prove it, but
I know she got it.
506
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,588
She talked about your makeup,
answers your phone
507
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,890
and stole your
typewriter ribbon?
Mm-hmm.
508
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,593
I told you
that woman was crazy.
Hmm.
509
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,564
Hey.
510
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:53,800
Hey.
Listen, I just want to say
511
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,269
I'm sorry about the
whole citation thing.
512
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,305
Guess I just got
carried away.
513
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,273
Yeah, no kidding.
514
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:01,708
So I'll see
you later?
515
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,413
Chris.
516
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:07,680
Yeah?
517
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:10,250
Want to grab
a slice for lunch?
518
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:12,285
Yeah.
519
00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,287
Now I knew what
my father meant.
520
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:17,257
I was never afraid of Greg,
but I sure did respect him.
521
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,261
What about your
hall monitor post?
522
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:22,462
I quit.
523
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,896
Why?
524
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,365
Either people are
going to respect me
525
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,334
because I'm Chris
or they're not.
526
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,536
Either way,
I'm still me.
527
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,537
That's cool.
528
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,272
So who's going
to replace you?
529
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,206
Don't know, don't care.
530
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,707
Here you go.
531
00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:35,908
What's this?
532
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:38,711
W-W-B-- walking while black.
533
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:43,250
* Everybody hates Chris.
534
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:46,386
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