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1
00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:07,041
(Run-DMC's "Christmas in Hollis"
intro plays)
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00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,681
CHRIS ROCK:
Christmas in Bed-Stuy
was a magical time.
3
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:17,151
There was snow, there were
twinkling lights.
4
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:21,122
Something about the holidays
brought out the best in people.
5
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,691
People in the neighborhood
were more generous...
6
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,626
Merry Christmas,
here's your scarf.
7
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,161
I threw in a free
gift wrapping.
8
00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:28,729
Here's your insulation.
9
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,233
Watch your step.
10
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,667
Happy holidays.
Thank you.
11
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:36,070
They seemed more concerned
about the needy...
12
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:38,772
I know you lost
your man, Mrs. Roberts.
13
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,774
But with a body like that,
14
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:44,212
I know Santa's going
to bring you another one.
15
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:47,181
And everyone had
that Christmas spirit.
16
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:50,118
This Christmas tree-- $5.00.
17
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,354
Hey, hey, hey!
Give me that money!
18
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,356
Even if it belonged
to somebody else.
19
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,826
Holiday cheer
was going all around.
20
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,694
But there was something else
going around the city--
21
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,730
the flu.
22
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,698
Ma, do we have to
wear all this stuff?
23
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,100
Yes.
24
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,102
There's a bad strain
of the flu going around
25
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,104
and I don't need
anybody getting sick.
26
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:11,839
Feel like my throat
is a little scratchy.
27
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,807
But we already
got our flu shots.
28
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,209
You did, but Chris didn't.
29
00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,777
Chris, I want you
to meet me after school
30
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:17,645
so you can get yours.
31
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:18,512
But in the meantime,
32
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,214
I want you to stay away
from other kids.
33
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:21,382
Don't touch anything,
34
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:22,516
don't even breathe
unless you have to.
35
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:23,851
Now go.
Go, go, go.
36
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,419
If it was up to my mother,
37
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,455
she would've sent me
to school like this.
38
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:31,559
Looks like I should be
selling subway tokens.
39
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,728
For me, this was going to be
the best Christmas ever.
40
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:35,796
Because I was working at Doc's,
41
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:38,532
I could afford actual presents
for my family,
42
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,434
not the crappy kind kids make.
43
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,870
A Play-Doh skillet.
44
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:45,473
You shouldn't have.
45
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,841
Papier-mâché work boots.
46
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,810
I love it.
47
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,679
What's this,
a fruitcake?
48
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,814
No, it's a vegetable cake.
49
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,416
I ain't eating that.
50
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,587
In my neighborhood,
we had layaway,
51
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:02,856
where you paid off $5.00 a week
until you owned something.
52
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:05,426
It was like having a credit
card and a hostage situation,
53
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,895
all rolled into one.
54
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:09,863
I was getting presents
on layaway
55
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,765
and a shot to keep
the flu away.
56
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,505
God, I hope they hurry up,
so we can get inside
57
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:19,807
before they start
reusing the needles.
58
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,378
Sorry about that.
59
00:02:24,412 --> 00:02:26,680
You getting a
flu shot, too?
60
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:29,183
Yeah.
Make mine a double.
61
00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:33,187
Captioning sponsored by
CBS PARAMOUNT
NETWORK TELEVISION
62
00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:39,427
* Oh... make it funky now!
63
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,418
:
* Silent night
64
00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:07,255
At school, the holiday brought
out the school choir.
65
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,790
* Holy night
66
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,925
* All is calm...
67
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,495
Ow.
68
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,863
Pull it together, Smokey.
69
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,265
I don't want to be here all day.
70
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:18,799
Okay, okay.
71
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:21,702
This time, sing it with feeling.
72
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,871
You're singing about
an impoverished family,
73
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,806
living in the ghetto,
74
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:29,743
who gave birth to their
firstborn child in a manger.
75
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,712
Chris, you can relate
76
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,847
to this, can't you?
77
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:34,782
Not really.
78
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,817
All right, give me a minute
79
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,520
and then we'll try it again.
80
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,556
You don't look so good.
81
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:43,891
Are you getting sick?
82
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,959
'Cause you've got
to be careful.
83
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,895
The flu's going around
and it's no joke.
84
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,697
My father has it,
and last night,
85
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,965
it sounded like
he coughed up a lung.
I can't get sick.
86
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:54,502
I need to work, so I can get
my presents out of layaway.
87
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:55,803
This year,
I went all out.
88
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,971
I got everybody something
that they really wanted.
89
00:03:58,005 --> 00:03:59,440
Like what?
90
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:02,042
A Billy Ocean tea set!
Thanks, Chris.
91
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:05,346
A Wayne Gretzky hockey game!
Thanks, Chris.
92
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,415
The Young and the Restless
soundtrack
93
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:08,882
featuring "Nadia's Theme"?!
94
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,784
Thanks, Chris.
95
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:14,388
Patti Labelle's
"New Attitude" perfume?!
96
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:16,390
Thank you, Chris.
97
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,994
Wow, that's a lot of stuff.
98
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:21,829
Sounds expensive.
99
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,597
It is; I got it
from Goldstein's.
100
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:24,632
What?
101
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:25,733
Are you crazy?
102
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,835
I don't even shop there
and I'm white.
103
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,837
Okay...
104
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,905
Well, I need to pay $35
before Christmas Eve
105
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,508
or else they're
gonna sell it.
106
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,078
I'm warning you.
107
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,780
TEACHER:
Bless you.
108
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,815
Oh, poor Chris.
109
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:44,318
Winters can be so tough
when you can't afford heat.
110
00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:47,020
I've got heat.
111
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:47,721
Okay, let's try it again.
112
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:50,491
Greg, would you start us off?
113
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:54,395
* Silent night...
114
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,497
Rochelle!
115
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:57,965
Whenever Christmas came around,
116
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,933
my father always
picked up extra work,
117
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,802
so he could afford presents.
118
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:05,973
Christmas tree?
119
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,074
No, thank you.
120
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,009
Hanukkah bush?
No, thanks.
121
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,411
Kwanzaa stump?
122
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:11,379
What'd you call me, man?!
123
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:12,913
Hey, uh, free trees, man.
124
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:13,981
They didn't always work out,
125
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,616
but he never stopped trying.
126
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,984
You're looking at
Goldstein's
127
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:17,951
newest Santa Claus.
128
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,888
New Santa?!
What happened to the old Santa?
129
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,756
They just keep coming.
130
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,592
Lines and lines of children.
131
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:25,659
Thousands of them.
132
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:26,727
Where are they
coming from?!
133
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:27,795
Let me go!
134
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,029
All these kids.
Mommy!
135
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,364
Look at the line!
Let me go!
136
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:33,667
So, a black Santa, huh?
Yeah!
137
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,770
He could tell them
he's from the South Pole.
138
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:40,007
Drew and Tanya hadn't been on
their best behavior all year,
139
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,042
so they decided to try
to make up for it
140
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,977
by helping my mother
during the holidays.
141
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,680
It was kind of like campaigning
for gifts.
142
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,816
They helped with cleaning...
143
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,084
Move, boy.
144
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:55,889
They helped with cooking.
145
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:58,025
After this, I can
take out the trash.
146
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,960
And I can help you
with the dishes.
147
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,495
Okay.
148
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:03,464
They even tried to help
with things
149
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,032
my mother didn't want
help with.
150
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,534
BOTH:
You need any help?
151
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,068
No.
152
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,037
You sure?
153
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,138
No, boy!
154
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:12,873
Get away from
the damn door.
155
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,709
Ooh, I want this.
156
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:16,910
Ooh, and I want this.
157
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,045
Hey.
158
00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:22,082
What are you guys doing?
159
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,417
Nothing.
Nothing.
160
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,918
You need any help?
161
00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:26,520
No, I'm fine.
162
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,989
Well, if you need anything,
just let us know.
163
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:31,559
She needs you to
act like this in March.
164
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,999
So, Doc, what are you
doing for the holidays?
165
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,134
Well, I'm not falling
into that Christmas trap,
166
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,437
that's for sure.
167
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,105
What Christmas trap?
168
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,974
Commercializing Christmas.
169
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,977
People buyin' things
they can't afford...
170
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,012
bein' broke before
the year come in.
171
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,148
Uh-uh, not me.
172
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:56,183
So you don't celebrate
Christmas?
173
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,217
Oh, I celebrate
Christmas.
174
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,719
I love me some Christmas.
175
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,688
It's supposed to be
Jesus' birthday.
176
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:04,091
So I say a prayer.
177
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,993
Happy birthday, Jesus.
178
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,061
And I have a piece of cake.
179
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:11,198
This year is seven-layer
chocolate cake.
180
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,001
Boy, cover your mouth.
181
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,869
Stop sneezing on Jesus.
182
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,170
What's the matter, you sick?
183
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,071
No, I'm fine.
184
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,139
All right, then.
185
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,210
Here's your Christmas bonus.
186
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,578
Whoa, thanks, Doc.
187
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:26,113
There must be, like,
$50 in here.
188
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,681
No, it's $75.
189
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:30,050
Now you can play video games
till the cows come home.
190
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,119
Yeah, but what are these?
191
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,187
What, they're
game tokens.
192
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,857
You didn't think I was
giving you quarters, did you?
193
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:37,958
Yes.
194
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,960
No.
Thanks, Doc.
195
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,695
Doc took the expression
196
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,597
"a token of my appreciation"
literally.
197
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,802
Hey, Dad,
you want some coffee?
198
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:49,837
Sure.
199
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:51,539
And some cream?
200
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,206
Just a little.
201
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,575
Wow, you guys are really
202
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:55,743
helping out
a lot lately.
203
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,545
No problem.
No problem.
204
00:07:57,578 --> 00:08:00,080
Since I was strapped for cash,
205
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,282
I knew there was one thing
I could ask my father for--
206
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,984
a J-O-B.
207
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,819
Oh, you look so cute.
208
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,020
I got him a job
209
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,122
taking pictures of me and
the kids down at Goldstein's.
210
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,592
Oh!
You look stupid.
211
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,060
You look stupid.
212
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,795
You look like an elf and you're
not even wearing a costume.
213
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,630
Hey...
214
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:19,833
ROCHELLE:
Mm!
215
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,101
You're not getting sick,
are you?
216
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,102
Yes.
217
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,604
No.
Just in case,
218
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,639
take some of that cough
syrup before we leave.
219
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:26,640
Okay.
220
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:28,108
Ma, is there any more bacon?
221
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,109
Here.
222
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,678
Take that.
223
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,045
Hey, I was going
to eat that.
224
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:34,147
When you get a job,
I'll give it back.
225
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,784
That's called slave justice.
226
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,285
My mother thought Tanya and
Drew's behavior
227
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:39,920
was too good to be true.
228
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:40,921
And she was right.
229
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:41,989
I knew it.
230
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,090
Knew what?
231
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,626
Drew and Tanya trying
to pull something.
232
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,094
Look at this.
233
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,899
"Malibu Barbie
dream house,
234
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,066
"Easy Bake Oven,
Mm-hmm.
235
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,569
an electric train,
samurai sword..."
236
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:57,638
They must think I'm
Santa Claus for real.
237
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,673
That's what's wrong
with kids nowadays.
238
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,308
Christmas comes, they
don't think about giving.
239
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,976
All they can think
about is getting.
240
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:04,845
Well, we can't afford this.
241
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,146
What are we going to do?
242
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,181
I'm going to ask Santa
for some new kids.
243
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,883
He asked for that last year.
244
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:10,918
Chris!
245
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:11,952
Come on.
246
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,153
Okay.
247
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,288
I had to make sure
I didn't get sick,
248
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,157
even if I had to drink
cough syrup
249
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,759
like a rapper from Houston.
250
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,732
While my dad was trying to
figure out what he could give,
251
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,734
the kids at Goldstein's
were trying to figure out
252
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,135
what they could get.
253
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:31,171
So, what can Santa give
you for Christmas?
254
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:34,341
A Malibu Barbie with
a pink, remote-control Corvette,
255
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,143
the Barbie townhouse,
256
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,778
and the Barbie
swimming pool.
257
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:41,815
Whoo! Do you know how much
all that stuff costs?
258
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,283
No.
259
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,786
Well, Santa's going to tell you.
260
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:50,390
It costs $137.16.
261
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,392
Do you have that
kind of money?
262
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,694
No.
263
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,963
Well, neither does Santa.
264
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,398
Welcome to my world, kid.
265
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,933
CHRIS:
Merry Christmas.
266
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:07,240
Who's next?
267
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,109
All right.
268
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,243
Oh, look at
this big guy!
269
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,311
Oh! There you go!
270
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,180
Now, what would
you like Santa
271
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,682
to get you for Christmas?
272
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,349
I want an Easy Bake oven.
273
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,785
An electric train set.
274
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,286
I would like Hot Wheels.
275
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,320
A puppy.
276
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,388
Eyesight?
277
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,156
Hmm. That sounds
expensive.
278
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,892
Do you know how
much a puppy costs?
279
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:27,060
Does that come with a
easy
280
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:29,129
Do you know they cost
as much as a real car?
281
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,397
Now, how you going to
pay for this eyesight?
282
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,366
Do you really want your parents
to work themselves to the bone
283
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,035
just to get you
a train set
284
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,670
you're going to quit
playing with after a week?
285
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:37,805
What if this
puppy grows up,
286
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,807
gets rabies,
bites somebody...?
287
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:40,808
And you ain't going
to be satisfied
288
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,209
with just one Hot Wheel.
289
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,978
No, you going to want the
whole collection of 'em.
290
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,313
Can you afford
a lawsuit?
291
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,448
Do you really want your
daddy to take out a loan,
292
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,450
just so you can get
some Hot Wheels?
293
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,252
You going to bankrupt
your whole family
294
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,386
just so you can
get a puppy?
295
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,955
If you're good,
296
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,824
Santa will send you
a train token,
297
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,926
and you can take
the subway downtown
298
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:00,227
and get a job
for Christmas.
299
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,262
Mommy!
300
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,965
Merry Christmas.
301
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,403
Black Santa Claus
caused more tears
302
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,940
than the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
303
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:14,274
Remember what
I told you.
304
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,243
Ho-ho-ho.
305
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,414
Chris, you okay?
306
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,350
Yeah. It's just 'cause this
costume is really hot.
307
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,786
I'm starting to feel dizzy.
308
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:28,221
Julius, we
got a problem.
309
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,390
You mean besides the fact
that you got a black Santa
310
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,092
working in a white
department store
311
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,460
called Goldstein's?
312
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:34,795
What's wrong?
313
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,330
You're not presenting the image
314
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,832
of Christmas that
we're trying to promote,
315
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,000
here at Goldstein's.
316
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,969
Image
317
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:43,403
You're Santa Claus.
318
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,205
You're not supposed to
make the children cry.
319
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:48,275
These kids need to learn
the truth about life.
320
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,077
Uh... Dad?
321
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,244
Not now, Chris.
322
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:52,980
I'm sorry, uh... I just
323
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,381
don't feel like
Goldstein's
324
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,249
is the right
fit for you.
325
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:57,417
Dad, I really
don't feel that well.
326
00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,387
You're firing me
at Christmastime?
327
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,322
That's the only time
you can fire Santa.
328
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,159
Yes.
329
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:07,394
Fine.
330
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,863
Chris, come on.
331
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,364
Chris!
332
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,100
I don't know
if he was more concerned
333
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,334
because I lost consciousness
334
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,004
or because
I lost a half day's pay.
335
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,343
I checked out at the store
and checked in to the hospital.
336
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,012
Walking pneumonia?
337
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,313
That doesn't sound that bad.
338
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,015
Well, it started
as walking pneumonia.
339
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:30,417
Now, is this correct?
The boy has two jobs?
340
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:33,053
Well... yeah,
I mean...
341
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,221
Well, that's
the problem.
342
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,222
He needs some rest.
343
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,390
Well, what should we do
when we get him home?
344
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,792
Well, you should
pick up the phone,
345
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:39,793
call an ambulance,
and get them
346
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:40,393
to bring him back
over here.
347
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,962
He's got a fever of 103,
348
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,563
he overdosed
on cough syrup,
349
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,932
and he's delirious.
350
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,967
Delirious?
Yes.
351
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:47,968
He keeps mumbling something
352
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,502
about getting the
president out of layaway.
353
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:52,405
I'll be back to
check on him.
354
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,507
Baby, well, you get
some rest, okay?
355
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:57,577
Mommy's going to come back
and check on you later. Okay?
356
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,080
All right, man...
357
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,883
Whoa! That's my 72 cents
worth of sandwich!
358
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:03,884
He ain't going to eat it.
359
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,318
Put it back...
360
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:07,988
He's delirious.
Put it back!
361
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,323
When they found out
I was in the hospital,
362
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:12,159
Tonya and Drew were devastated.
363
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,360
Chris got sick.
364
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,462
Now we can't get anything
for Christmas.
365
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,530
Man, we were good for nothing.
366
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:20,500
No, you were good
because you were
supposed to be good.
367
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,502
I mean, what if
there were
no Christmas?
368
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,171
Would you be running
around here
369
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:25,538
starting forest fires?
370
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:26,206
No.
No.
371
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:29,009
We can't even have one gift?
372
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,511
You live your whole
life here for free.
Mm-hmm.
373
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,214
Tonya, you get
gifts every day.
374
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:37,550
Food is a gift.
The heat is a gift.
375
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,152
Your shoes are a gift.
376
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,221
This house
is a gift.
377
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,856
Those frames on the walls
are a gift.
378
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,391
The magazines
are a gift.
379
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,559
That ashtray is a gift.
380
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:49,029
This lampshade is a gift.
381
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,397
That chair
is a gift.
382
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,099
This pillow
is a gift.
383
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:53,500
The remote control
is a gift.
384
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,568
The TV is a gift.
This carpet
385
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:57,370
is a gift.
The pink carpet
386
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:58,438
in your room
is a gift.
387
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:01,909
Being able to cut out
of this scene is a gift.
388
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:08,515
: Ho-ho-ho.
Merry Christmas.
389
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,221
Hey, what's
wrong with you?
390
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,523
What?!
391
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,225
Hey, who are you?
392
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,527
I'm Kris.
393
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,562
I'm Chris.
394
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,631
Wow. What a small world, huh?
395
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,633
So what happened to you?
396
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:30,003
Well, I don't really know.
397
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:32,139
Last thing
I remember, I was
398
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,607
in Goldstein's
dressed as an elf.
399
00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,443
Next thing I know, I'm in here.
400
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:42,549
Hey, that makes you
one of Santa's helpers, huh?
401
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:47,420
Yeah. My dad was working
as Santa, but he got fired.
402
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,457
Oh, that's too bad. Sorry.
403
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:53,526
But it really could
be a lot worse.
404
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,562
And how's that?
405
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,464
He could be me.
406
00:14:57,497 --> 00:15:00,267
I have rheumatoid
arthritis.
407
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,634
I had a really
nasty flareup.
408
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:05,005
Cold weather really kills me.
409
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,707
But, you know,
stuff happens
in life, you know.
410
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:11,678
Hey, you know,
I was watching your family,
411
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:14,647
and you should know
it's really a beautiful thing
412
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,349
how much they care about you.
413
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:17,517
You shouldn't forget that.
414
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,586
Well, I guess you're right.
415
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,989
I know I'm right.
416
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,591
Listen, why don't
you get some sleep, kid, huh?
417
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,659
And merry Christmas.
418
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:27,727
Thanks.
419
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,963
* 'Cause he knows...
420
00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:31,231
You, too.
421
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:34,667
* It's past bedtime
422
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:38,405
* For toys.
423
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:43,510
Merry Christmas.
424
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,646
Hey, man, what are
you doing here?
425
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:47,447
Well, since it's Christmas Eve,
426
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:48,548
I wanted
to give you your present.
427
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,484
But when I called your dad,
he said you were here.
428
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:53,553
Here's your gift.
It's baseball cards.
429
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,422
Baseball cards?!
Where did you
get baseball cards
430
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,656
in the middle of winter?
431
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,325
The Venezuelan League.
432
00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,726
It took a lot of doing.
433
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,562
By the way, if I were you,
I wouldn't eat the gum.
434
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:05,298
Well, I don't
have your gift.
It's cool.
435
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,067
You can just double up
on my birthday.
436
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,701
Deal! Two socks, it is!
437
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,370
Well, I got to go.
438
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:11,638
Go? But you just got here.
439
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,273
I got to go down
to Rockefeller Center
440
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,707
and see the Christmas tree.
441
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,576
Then my mom's taking me
ice skating with her boyfriend.
442
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:19,279
All right, well, have fun.
443
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,381
Yeah. Get well.
444
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,116
Thanks. Catch you later.
445
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:27,620
Well, this sucks.
446
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,389
Hey, what's your
problem, man, huh?
447
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,359
Well, I hate being
in this hospital!
448
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,793
I hate the fact
that I'm sitting here,
449
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,262
and I'm sick!
450
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:36,796
And I also hate that
I put some presents
451
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,598
on layaway to give to my family,
452
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:39,699
and now I can't give them
to them.
453
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:43,803
Layaway?! Layaway
is your problem?
454
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,605
Are you kidding me?
455
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,607
You're thinking
about layaway
when there's
456
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,342
300 patients in this hospital,
457
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,744
and four nurses,
and three are out sick,
458
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:52,612
and one's out at lunch?
459
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:55,348
Layaway! You didn't
see that family
460
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,584
that was attacked
by 1,200 beavers, did you?
461
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,252
And that poor mother,
462
00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:01,621
she came in here,
they thought it was a fur coat,
463
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,656
and they kicked her out.
464
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,758
She had 1,200 beavers
sucking her skin!
465
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,094
And you're worried
about layaway?
466
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,362
What about the kid
in the gang war?
467
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,731
He got shot.
Nine toes got shot off!
468
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:15,068
Nine! He has one toe! One toe!
469
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:18,171
And they wouldn't even give him
nail polish for the one toe.
470
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,540
Sad. There's a poor
guy down there,
471
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,375
he lost both his legs.
472
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:23,776
They won't even
give him any crutches,
473
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,512
'cause he can't afford it
and he has no insurance.
474
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,780
So you know what they gave him?
A pogo stick.
475
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:30,250
You're worried
about layaway.
476
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:32,119
See that kid downstairs?
477
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,354
They're going to make a movie
of the week about this guy.
478
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,855
He got bit by 400 rats,
479
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,724
and they won't even
give him a rabies shot.
480
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,626
They gave him
a coloring book.
481
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,594
Let me tell you
something, Chris.
482
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,730
I bet every patient
in this hospital
483
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,665
would give their left arm
if their only problem
484
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:48,168
was getting their gifts
out of layaway.
485
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,739
After he said that,
I started to think
486
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:55,208
about things you couldn't
put on layaway.
487
00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:57,210
You took out my kidney?
488
00:17:57,244 --> 00:18:00,880
Yeah, but we got you
a new kidney
out of layaway!
489
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,650
Merry Christmas.
490
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,652
What happened to my leg?!
491
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,687
We had to cut it off.
492
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,856
But we got you one
out of layaway!
493
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,192
Merry Christmas!
494
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:15,695
Doctor, is my boy
going to make it?
495
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:18,265
No. But we've got
another one on layaway!
496
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:19,666
Bobby!
497
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,268
Merry Christmas!
498
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:22,502
Thank you.
499
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,672
The only thing worse than
Christmas without my family
500
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,907
is having green Jell-O
for breakfast.
501
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,176
Here you go.
502
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,178
Merry Christmas.
503
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,745
I hate green Jell-O.
504
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,881
Well, it's either
this or ice chips,
505
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:37,284
so take your pick.
Fine.
506
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:41,254
Hey, where's Kris?
507
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,489
Who?
508
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,357
The old white guy.
He was in the bed.
509
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:45,825
There was no one in that bed.
510
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,794
Yes, there was.
511
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,429
I sat there, and I talked
to him for two days.
512
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:50,763
I even played
checkers with him.
513
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,599
Did you break into the pharmacy?
514
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,733
'Cause if you're stealing drugs,
515
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:54,667
we'll kick you
right out of here.
516
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:55,835
I didn't steal any drugs.
517
00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,606
You're delirious.
518
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,808
Eat your Jell-O.
519
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,344
Hi, baby!
Merry Christmas!
520
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:06,613
Hey, what are
you guys doing here?
521
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,215
It's Christmas, stupid.
522
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,749
Well, you didn't think
we'd want to leave you here
523
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:10,717
by yourself, did you?
524
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,652
Well, I didn't think
you'd want to be here.
525
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,721
Without you, there would
be no Christmas.
526
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,356
It'd just be a "s'mas."
527
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,490
It's okay, baby.
528
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,626
Ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!
529
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,828
Wow!
530
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,963
Hey! Where did you
get all this stuff?
531
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,798
Yeah!
I thought you got fired.
532
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:26,766
I did.
533
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,801
Well, baby, how did
you pay for all of this?
534
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,470
Chris bought it.
535
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,839
He had it in layaway
before he got sick.
536
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,507
I got it
out for him.
537
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:37,444
Thank you, baby.
That's so sweet.
538
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,711
Well, merry Christmas, y'all!
539
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,380
I thought this Christmas
540
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,349
was going to be
one of the worst,
541
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,917
but it turned out
to be one of the best,
542
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:48,388
'cause I learned that
you can't put love on layaway.
543
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,789
This is for you.
544
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,291
What's this?
545
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:54,794
A receipt.
You owe me $35.
546
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:55,928
He's serious.
547
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:04,337
* Everybody hates Chris.
548
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,240
Captioned by
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