Original subtitles

Oh, crap, crap, crap.

The aquarium is not gonna be open in time for our field trip.

I still can't believe people really thought it was a good idea

to free the fish after the Super Bowl.

Eagles fans are really, uh--

What?

Unique.

So does this mean no end-of-the-year field trip?

Oh, no. There will be a field trip.

I've learned to book a backup just in case.

So we will be going to--

Broadway! A Broadway show?

No. That's a good idea.

New York's not far. I'll save that for next time.

No. We are going to the Please Touch Museum.

- Oh, fantastic. - Yes.

And maybe they will find the shark

and we get to see him next year at the aquarium.

Exactly.

- Good morning, y'all. - Morning.

Does anyone need shark fin soup?

My freezer is stuffed to the gills with it.

Shark is the tuna of the sea.

I just bought a cute little outfit like that for my future glamchild.

You look like you're about to take me to court for stealing your Binky.

Look, I feel the need to kindly remind you to never put baby in a corner.

Today, we are going to the district to make a formal appeal

to get Ava her job back.

The disciplinary board is giving us a chance to plead our case.

Jacob watched four seasons of Law and Order to prepare.

I watched Shōgun, which didn't help,

but I do know a lot about seppuku.

I don't like it.

So it took a miracle,

but I managed to get a few subs to cover all your classes

for the rest of the day, so don't worry about rushing back.

- Yes. - Good. Good.

- Good morning, Principal Eddie. - Good morning, Langston.

Now, hurry up and get to class before the bell rings.

- All right, good luck, y'all. - All right, I'll see you two there.

What? No. I thought we were all gonna ride together.

Yeah. I made a... ♪ Rolling-with-the-homeys ♪

...playlist for the commute.

Sweet Cheeks's car seat takes up, like, my entire back seat. So--

And I'm just gonna ride with her because...

I don't wanna hear that playlist.

Let's go get a job back, young people. Come on!

Okay, I-I really think we should take one car, you guys. The planet.

And as you can see,

I was only trying to do what was best for our staff and students.

So you didn't extort a local business and accept contributions

that go against district policy?

No, I did.

Because that was what was best for our staff and students.

May I approach the table as a character witness?

Just stay where you are.

Look, we can...

we can discuss the "facts" or "what happened" all day

until we're blue in the face... ...you know?

- Um, let me try. - Yeah.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

it is safe to assume that we are all God-fearing people, is it not?

No. Not at all.

- Why would you assume that? - I'm, like, spiritual when I need to be.

Oh, my, my, my.

Ava only bent the rules because we have so little at Abbott.

Little? Try nothing.

There are public parks with more resources than us.

- Yeah. - You want us to come to your house

- and take your toilet paper? - That felt like a threat.

I would like to declare Ms. Schemmenti

- a hostile witness. - What?

Listen, if I'm accused of doing whatever it takes to help our kids,

then guilty as charged.

Yes. Is caring too much something you really wanna punish?

Ava is an amazing principal, and she's more than learned her lesson.

And is that really what you wanna say

to the educators of the Philadelphia public school system?

"Care less?"

That's powerful testimony. Just give us a second.

Appeal denied.

- What? - Ms. Coleman is still fired

for lying to the board.

Wait. There is one thing.

Yes?

Pay for your parking at the machine before you get to your car.

People don't like being held up at the gate

while you're fumbling for your credit card.

Okay, bye.

Wait, wait. Wait. Um...

We have some new smoking-gun evidence

that we'd like a few minutes to review and bring it to Your Honors.

- Your Honors, please. - Yes. Yes.

Okay.

Set a timer for 30 seconds.

- My gosh. Okay. - Come on, guys.

- Generous amount of time. - I would've given them 15.

- Well, I'm hungry. - Yeah.

Oh, God. I love surprise evidence. What do you got?

- I got nothing. I was stalling. - What?

I told you they're not backing down from this.

This is so unfair. Why couldn't they take me instead?

Oh, my God, they told us during the audit that it's really hard to fire teachers,

and with the sub shortage, they can't suspend all of us.

So what if we go in there, admit it was us,

and we'll get a slap on the wrist and then Ava gets her job back?

- A sacrifice. - Oh!

Barbara Howard the martyr does have a nice ring to it.

Uh, to be clear, you all did do it. You initiated the bribing.

I'm a hero.

Oh, my God. Okay, so are we doing this?

Pleading guilty to anything is against everything I stand for,

so I'll call it no contest.

- Let's go! - I am vibrating with adrenaline.

Is this what it feels like to play a team sport?

Y'all are so embarrassing.

Thank you.

Miles, thank you for stopping by on short notice. Please, sign in.

Looks like somebody benefited from a little shake-up around here, huh?

Yeah. Please, come to my office.

Okay. Well...

I know we lost the things that we got from the golf course,

but I was hoping that I could save the students golf club

since RJ and the students have benefited so much from it.

Oh, this? I'm just... I'm trying something new.

Red is supposed to be persuasive, okay?

- So about the golf club, I was thinking-- - Oh...

We will be shutting that down after this school year. No question.

Okay. What if we didn't do that?

What are you prepared to give me?

Nothing. No more bribes. Everything above water.

So I would give you a golf club, and you would give me--

The satisfaction of knowing you created a program that helps so many children.

Ava was so much better at this.

Look, the tax breaks for a student club,

- they don't move the needle enough. - Hold on.

This can be a mutually-beneficial deal.

If you designated a separate community club for all ages,

thus reclassifying under the 501 nonprofit tax code...

- Go on. - ...I looked at the comps in the area

and I ran the numbers.

With that tax savings, you would net more than 5% more revenue annually.

So this would be a legal bribe.

- Otherwise known as a deal. - I like the cut of your jib, Eddie.

- Oh, by the way, your shirt. It really-- - Persuaded you?

Made me want to switch to State Farm.

Consider burning that. Okay, take care now.

All right, Abbott Elementary,

what is this new evidence that has come to light?

What new evidence?

Just a little thing called the truth!

- Ow! - Wow.

Ava had nothing to do with taking bribes from the golf course.

Because it was me.

And me.

I may or may not have known about things that may or may not have happened.

Ava took the blame because it would be harder on our students

to replace their day-to-day teachers, even if it was temporary.

Isn't that the exact kind of principal we want leading our schools?

- Is this true? - Of course.

Anyone can do what I do,

but capable teachers like Janine are irreplaceable.

You heard...

- Rick, you heard everything we heard. - Okay.

Well, it appears that we have made a mistake.

Thank you for your honesty and for setting the record straight.

So per this new information, as of Monday, you're all suspended for a week.

- Suspended? - What?

- For a week? - Do you know how hard it's gonna be

to find subs for this many teachers?

I do not because it's not my jurisdiction.

Okay, I have a dependent at the school

that relies on me being physically present.

- And what is the child's name? - Sweet Cheeks.

Sweet...

It's a guinea pig.

Well, Sweet Cheeks is suspended as well.

Okay. But at least Ava's back as principal.

Of course not. She's still fired for lying to the board.

Great plan, Janine.

Um, yeah. Just letting you know that you will be having a sub

or series of subs, uh,

taking over for me next week.

What are you doing for a whole week?

- Did you get in trouble? - No.

I'm simply taking a principled vacation in support of Principal Coleman.

That's not a vacation, bro.

- You got suspended. - Okay, uh...

They suspended you for trying to get Principal Coleman's job back?

Dang, that's messed up.

Yeah, we should do something.

- Yeah! - No, no.

Look, I-I appreciate you guys so much,

but this is not your fight, okay?

All right, class. Ms. Teagues won't be here next Monday, okay?

Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday, or Thursday, or Friday.

No!

Yes, Lila.

How come?

Ms. Teagues will be on a long, unpaid vacation.

Are you gonna be back for Earth Day?

- I'm not gonna be back for Earth Day. - Oh, my God. What did we do?

You know, we did everything we could to get Ava back, and she's still fired.

You know, this is the first and only time I have been professionally reprimanded

in my entire career,

and I do not plan to be a good sport about it.

- Same. - I've only been suspended

in my nightmares, and even then my dream self wakes up to a dream

where I'm not suspended.

Okay, it's... it's a huge bummer, all right?

But I'm not gonna lie,

Gregory being principal's not the worst thing in the world.

Well, I appreciate the praise, but the job isn't mine.

I'm gonna interview for it,

but they'll be interviewing a lot of people for the role.

- So, it could be anybody? - Yeah, I heard even Morton's interviewing.

I will riot.

Agreed. I'll see you all later.

I now have to go find a bunch of subs we definitely don't have for next week.

Oh, hell no.

We cannot allow some rando principal, or Morton...

...to come in here and ruin our school.

Yeah, well, what are we gonna do about it? Because we are all out of options.

No, no, no, no, no. We just need to think outside of the box

to bring Ava back, okay?

Come on, let's brainstorm.

- There are no bad ideas. - Okay. Okay.

I know a brother who clones for the low.

We raise the clone, teach her how to be a principal.

- Mm-hmm. Let's keep brainstorming. - Okay. Yeah.

Thank you both for hopping on this Zoom.

Uh, Tariq, please tell me that's a fake background.

Why would it be fake?

Okay. Would both of you be able to help out in some classrooms next week?

A bunch of teachers got suspended trying to help Ava get her job back.

Ooh, okay, here's the thing.

Yes, but I cannot help out with math, English, history or science.

What the hell is wrong with these district people?

You know, they're gonna make this bitch become that bitch.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I'm coming down there now, bro.

No, no, no. Uh-uh. No, no. Sit down, it's okay.

I don't need you, um, until Monday. But I appreciate the enthusiasm.

Okay. Well, we gonna be down there for sure, brother.

Oh, yeah. You're gonna see us real soon. I'm getting sick of them.

This can't be it. What haven't we thought of yet?

Squatter's rights. This is our school now.

- Oh, yeah. - Hey, Mrs. Howard.

Can I borrow some of your markers from the classroom?

Sure, sweetheart. Just put 'em back when you're done.

You know, this never would've happened if we were a charter school.

They're allowed to solicit donations all they want.

Oh, my God, Jacob, you beautiful genius. That's it.

We become a charter school, just for a little bit, and then we change back.

- Okay, how the hell we do that? - One step ahead of you.

How to become a charter school.

"Make an account." Never mind.

- Hey, Mr. C. Can I borrow this? - Sure, bud. All yours.

I got it. I'll interview for principal, get the job.

Then we'll need a new janitor.

Ava applies for the position, and then...

What are we trying to do again?

You know, maybe it is just time

that we accept the things we cannot change.

I can't accept that.

Okay, there might be one thing.

- What? - What?

It's the Schemmenti diversion. It's an old family secret.

I'm gonna need a dozen balaclava, a tray of baklava, an ice cream truck,

and a boatload of zip ties.

And the grace of God.

- We in? - Yeah.

- Let's do it. - First, we get him into a clown wig.

I was up all night trying to figure this out,

but I think we'll be able to have all of our classes covered

while our teachers are suspended.

Look, I do wish Ava was here,

but getting to do all of this problem-solving and decision-making

in support of the entire school is...

starting to make me remember why I wanted to be principal in the first place.

You want a high five? I don't give those.

- By the way, your paycheck arrived. - Oh.

All right.

God damn!

Never seen a check like that before, huh?

No, I have not.

Okay, I picked up the five dozen balloons.

Did you pay in cash? 'Cause we can't leave a paper trail.

Why did I need to buy 88 gumballs?

Janine, please tell me you blew the bubble,

- 'cause I'm not doing it for you again. - All right. The important thing,

the oxygen tank taps out after 30 minutes.

- Right. - Got it?

- This just might work out. - Okay. Let's do it.

Good.

- Okay-- - Is it recess?

You all think your plan is so clever.

Guess what, smarties? It's gonna backfire.

Oh, my God. There's a rat amongst us.

A walkout's not going to change our decision.

Wait, what? A walkout?

Wait... What is going on?

We're protesting, Mr. C. We can't let you guys take that L.

Aw!

They're peacefully protesting.

I'm just...

Okay, I hear you,

I see you,

and I respect you.

But please do not walk out and make this the worst day of my job.

The district will be here shortly to quell...

to listen to you and your needs shortly.

Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna go call Ava.

All right, all right.

All right, the clock is ticking. We have 29 minutes of oxygen left.

- Uh... Um... - We should get them...

We love how passionate you all are about your school,

which is why we thought it would be a good idea to have this forum,

which just so happens to coincide with you wanting to walk out of this school.

- We are here to listen. - For 30 seconds at a time.

Well, thank you for hearing us out. Um...

If anyone would like to speak,

- just stand up, I guess. - Well said. Next speaker.

Ava and these teachers are my closest friends.

Oh, not this again.

I love them, and they challenge me to be better every day.

Really? Morton is the ace up your sleeve?

- I knew I should've went to the club. - Look, the kids did it, okay?

We had a slightly more complicated plan, but I think this one is better.

It's just like I tell my wife, sorry,

- my ex-ex-wife. - Oh, my God.

- I say, look-- - Okay. I think we got it, Morton. Thanks.

Our teachers do everything. What do y'all do?

Yeah!

Aren't y'all the ones that took our archery equipment?

How am I supposed to become the next Hawkeye?

- Okay, please. Please. One at a time. - I was having a hard time,

but these teachers and Principal Coleman stepped up

when I thought no one else cared.

Without them, I don't know where I would be.

RJ speaking at a rally. We have come so far.

So moving, right?

Well, the good news, kiddos,

is that your teachers will be back in five business days,

and we are working very hard to find you a new principal.

Excuse me. Have you decided how much that new principal will be making?

Do you have any idea how much property damage

can be accomplished in five business days?

Really? Really? Nothing that you have heard from these students

or the faculty matter to you?

No.

- So if everyone is done feeling heard... - Wow.

- Good. - Great. Okay.

Janine, we lost.

It happens. To you. All the time.

No, no, no, no, no. Maybe if we, um...

- I think we can probab-- - Janine, it's over.

On your left.

Uh, my bad, I meant my left. Y'all's right.

As the PTA, we will not stand by

while y'all are hurting our children's education

with this nonsense.

You can say that again.

As the B.L.A.C.K.S., we've seen firsthand

how Ms. Coleman has transformed this rundown elementary school

into an unpredictable music venue.

And I speak for the local businesses

when I say that we have seen the positive changes

that this school and its leadership has contributed to this community.

They supported us

during the SEPTA strike, so we're here to support them!

Perhaps this whole issue can be put to bed by a white savior.

Well, as someone who has bribed thousands of people across this fair city,

this was the only place

that those bribes benefited children and not corrupt officials.

Oh, my gosh, guys.

The community is coming together, and we didn't even have to trick 'em.

Good afternoon.

How many damn doors do we have in this gym?

Wasn't Crystal the one that ratted us out to the district?

Yep. Must be here to finish the job.

Just when we almost had the board on our side.

Soror.

Bor-oard.

- Oh, no. - Although I've had my differences

in the past with Principal Coleman--

You don't say.

You my number one hater, and I have a lot.

Myself and these other principals know

that no one fights harder for their school than Ava and these educators.

Any school in this district would be lucky

to have these teachers and a principal like Ava.

And if you think differently,

then you don't know what's best for your own district.

Yeah!

Bring them back!

Bring them back!

Bring them back!

Stop the chant!

So after hearing the community's thoughtful thoughts,

we have decided we have no choice but to go forward with our original plan,

which was to reinstate Ava and her band of teachers.

A slide...

Ooh, they tried it.

But my record, like my spirit, remains unsullied. Aha!

- When are all these people gonna go home? - I don't know,

but I have an ice cream truck to return and a bunch of baklava to eat.

I wanted to thank you guys for seeing this through.

It really means a lot to me.

You're welcome. It was worth it.

Agreed. You, ma'am, are worth the sacrifice.

- Mm-hmm. - I really am, aren't I?

- Mm-hmm. - Like,

if it wasn't for how good and wonderful and impactful I am,

you'd have nothing to fight for.

So I guess I gotta thank myself too.

Yeah.

There it is.

Don't you think we ought to nip this line dancing in the bud?

Yeah. Jacob, get over there and start dancing.

That'll let the air out of their tires.

Looks like Miles already has that covered.

Can't unsee it.

Wow.

- Yeah. Goodness. - Good night.

Oh, also, my internal clock has gotten used to sleeping until 10:00,

so I'll be late until I can reset that.

- Ooh! - Yeah.

- It is good to have you back, friend. - What's that?

- I mean, Principal Coleman. - Oh.

Ava.

Congratulations.

I'm glad to see this all worked out.

Well, you sure have a lot of time to keep popping up at this school.

I'm just happy to see you got a second chance.

Yeah. But, see, I got a second chance

because I was actually good at my first chance.

Fair enough.

I hope you know that...

I'm proud of you.

Even if I wasn't always there.

Thank you.

I'm around if you need anything.

What? For, like, a haircut? Can you do a bob?

No.

I just mean...

anything.

The power is addicting, isn't it?

- I was just keeping it warm for you. - Ew!

Now what is that?

Uh, lumbar supports for your lower back. You can keep it if you want it.

Get a core, do a sit-up. I don't need that.

I did wanna say, thanks for holding down the place while I was gone.

I heard you did a great job.

Thank you. I enjoyed it.

I could tell. You practically moved into the place.

Well, I'll, um, leave you to it.

Well, Dia, looks like this is it.

- You got fired too? - N-No. I'm just--

Then what do you want a tearful goodbye for?

Y'all deserve each other.

See you next week.

Very good.

I'm here.

Why?

Well, you know, Greg said that y'all needed some teachers,

so here I am.

Yeah, but that was only for if we were suspended,

which we were not, but you were there.

Oh!

Yeah, so I was actually kind of looking forward to having some time off.

And secretly, I would have loved sitting at home

catching up on The Kate Hudson Show.

Oh, I just love it when they come dancing down the hallway.

Jennifer.

So we figured, you know, since Tariq's here, hey.

All right, y'all, my name is Tariq,

but you can call me Mr. Coach Temple.

I'ma be real up-front with y'all.

I don't remember nothing that I learned before the age of 12, okay?

So, I need somebody here to tell me how to craft a text message

to my landlord asking for a rent reduction.

Real quick with the hands. Come on.

Don't hurt y'allself.

Where they at?