Original subtitles

Thank you all for participating in this personality potluck.

- Especially you, Gregory. - You're welcome.

All right, so now we are going to work together as a team

to match each person to the dish they brought to represent their personality.

Gregory, Barbara, Jacob, Janine, me, obviously.

- Great, let's eat. - Whoa, hold on now.

You forgot one.

Ah.

Oh. Is this Ava?

Why would I cook for y'all? One of you a man that bought me a house?

Well, who does this croquembouche belong to?

Nah.

- Yeah. - Oh.

All right, Mr. Johnson, but how does this represent you?

Obviously, it's because he's... because he's bald.

Oh.

Actually, I studied Pastry Arts in Le Cordon Bleu in Paris.

- Whoa. - Well, I'll be.

Ooh-la-la.

Damn, I can't believe I actually did learn something about somebody.

- Yeah. - This is a beautiful moment.

- Yeah. - Okay, this is cuckoo,

but should we all bring it in?

- Ah, let's do it. - Come on. Yeah.

- Come on. - Yes.

Come here.

Yeah.

I never went to no damn French cooking school.

- Attention, everyone. - Attention, everyone.

- Barbara needs your attention. - Thank you.

I need a final head count for karaoke.

I'll be there.

I like big butts, but someone out there thinks I'm lying about it,

and I gotta set the record straight.

Is it okay if I come late? I can't miss out on Friday night surge pricing.

You know, if I got into a rideshare and you were the driver,

well, brother, I'd never get out.

I just hope you don't miss our duet

'cause I've been practicing my Ja Rule voice

all week, baby.

I'm not gonna miss out on the duet. And I'll put that on Murder Inc.

I love that name.

Well, I'm just excited to finally have a chance to be heard.

You know, Zach used to turn my mic down during duets at home

because he said my voice only worked in theory.

Hey, Barbara, can I bring Erika to karaoke?

She's in need of a pick-me-up. She and Simon broke up again.

I can't believe you're forcing your friend to throw it back on the district employee

just so you can get back in their good graces.

- That is not what I'm doing. - She's welcome to come,

as long as she does not throw it back, forward or to the side. Mm-mmm.

- She won't. - Ava, will you be joining us?

I, the karaoke queen, will not be in attendance.

But before you fret, music joke...

...it's because I have a date.

Ooh.

- Well, I hope he measures up. - Nice.

I'm sure he'll clear the bar.

Oh.

I bet... I hope he doesn't... I hope he hits all the right notes.

Now, Jacob, that was a bridge too far.

- Yes. Hey! - There it is.

There it is. Who's the date with?

- Melissa, you don't know who it is? - Who?

- It's O'Shon. - Mm-hmm.

Ooh.

Mm-hmm. Now that's a man.

Oh.

Yes, fine for no reason. Yes, he is.

- Wow. - Ooh. This fancy.

- Yeah. Look at this. Hey! - Mm-hmm.

Where you guys been?

I've already done every Fleetwood Mac song they've got.

Fleetwood Mac? I don't think that's in your register, Mr. Johnson.

Mm-mmm. Yeah, you're more of a Macy Gray kind of range.

- Girl. - I'm gonna tell you two

- just like I told Quincy Jones. - Uh-huh.

Mr. Johnson sings or Mr. Johnson walks.

- Okay. Let's do it. - All right.

- They're here already. That's great. - Yeah.

Oh! Why don't you go say hi? He's a little cutie patootie.

Cuties are everywhere.

It's gonna take a lot more than being the cutest cutie to ever petute

to turn the head of old Jacob Hill.

Okay.

Then why is your neck on L mode right now?

It's because I'm... I'm actually checking out...

- Oh, okay. - Hey, girl.

Hey, Erika.

And Simon.

What's... What's he doing here? Hey.

Worshipping the ground I walk on, of course.

- Hey, Janine. - 'Sup.

Why don't you go talk to Jacob?

Whatever you say, E baby.

Mmm. Mmm. You so nasty.

Very nasty. I thought he broke up with you.

Broke up with me? Does that even sound like right to you?

So, I love it when you guys are together.

It's kind of fun but dangerous, like walking backwards.

So how long are you staying together this time?

You're asking a lot of questions about me and my man, but where is yours?

He's still built like a Lego?

Oh, hey. How you doing?

I'm Gregory, and I'll be your driver for the next 13 minutes.

Please, buckle up and help yourself to any of the drinks and assorted snacks.

I also have every kind of phone charger.

And if you feast your eyes on the tablet attached to the back of the headrest,

you'll find my latest addition, Gregory's goofy games.

Okay, enough practice. Time for the real thing. Let's go.

Oh, hey. How you doing? I'm Gregory.

I'll sit here.

I got you.

In case someone hotter walks by.

Thank you.

Have you been here before?

No, but it seems up to my standards.

Gonna go ahead and let my girl know

she doesn't have to pretend she's going into labor.

I've been hesitant to come here.

It's kind of a sore spot since it replaced one of my favorite restaurants.

Donna was one of your favorite restaurants?

Well, for nostalgia, not for the food.

It was where my parents would take me whenever I got a good report card.

Oh. You had to get good grades just to eat. Sad.

Nah, nah. If that was the case, I wouldn't have eaten very often.

I was not a great student.

A bad boy or a dumb boy? Both?

Neither. Now.

Okay.

Yeah. What about you though?

Did your family go out to eat a lot when you were growing up?

You're not supposed to ask people if they grew up rich.

But if you're worried I don't know what MP means, I do.

And those are the only things I'll be ordering.

♪ I found ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ Never knew what I was missin' But I knew once... ♪

How are they still attracted to one another after hearing each other sing?

Barb.

If Gerald even burps off key... Hmm. I'm not looking at him for a week.

Hey, Mr. Johnson, all these songs are in Korean.

I know that. I'm BTS ARMY.

What are you gonna sing, Melissa?

That is a question for the me

that is living three drinks in the future, my friend.

I will get us a pitcher.

♪ Love ♪

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Hi, can I please get a--

Ooh.

Oh, Jesus.

No, no, no... Come on, come on, come on.

Whoo! The stripper's here!

No, no, no. Not a stripper.

Uh, my... my ex is here. I need to just hide out for a beat, okay?

Take if off! Take it off! Take if off! Take it off! Take if off!

- ♪ It's hard out here for a pimp ♪ - ♪ For a pimp ♪

♪ When he's tryin' to get This money for the rent ♪

♪ For the rent ♪

♪ For the Cadillacs and gas money spent ♪

♪ Will have a whole lot Of bitches jumpin' ship... ♪

♪ It's hard out here for a pimp ♪

Janine. Janine.

♪ When he's tryin' to get This money for the rent ♪

♪ For the Cadillacs and gas money spent ♪

- Ooh. - Hey, you forgot the beer.

Where are all the worship songs? I was promised the BeBes and the CeCes.

- I saw my ex. - Avi?

- Zach. - I like Zach.

He's out there with a new gentleman caller. Name: unknown.

Okay, so I thought the two of youse were cool.

Hey, it's not like you haven't seen each other since the breakup.

No. You're right. I don't... I don't know why I panicked.

Just go on out there and say hello.

Yeah. I'm gonna. Save my place in the queue though.

- Okay. - Saved.

Get the pitcher first.

So, what do you think so far?

Not to be "rude-o," but I hated the crudo.

- You know... - Hmm?

You giggle a lot for a man.

Well, I just like to show when I'm having a good time.

Mmm.

I don't get a lot of chances to practice my Japanese.

Good thing we came to this Japanese restaurant.

Touché.

Wow. Now he's speaking French.

This man is turning into a Rosetta Stone right before my very eyes.

Uh, do you speak any other languages?

Just the universal one.

Love?

That's hilarious.

Money. You know, if you wanna get some more practice,

you can order us some sake.

The Japanese word for that is sake.

- ♪ I never would have made it ♪ - ♪ Never would have made it ♪

- ♪ I never, I never could have made it ♪ - ♪ Never could have made it ♪

♪ Without you ♪

- Wow! You're doing great. - Yeah! Oh, my God.

Hallelujah! Yes!

Why is anybody else wasting their time?

It should just be you and me all night, Barb.

- Yeah! Yeah. - Thank you, friend.

And I can't wait to hear what you're cooking up.

Okay, well, one more drink and I'll be in the zone.

All right, have mine.

Oh, my gosh. I appreciate you guys for helping Barbara out like that.

She made us sing that song because she said we needed Jesus.

- And we do. - Oh.

- Janine, you up. - Oh, uh...

I am not ready yet 'cause Gregory and I are doing a duet, so...

You mean you and that Gregory?

Oh, he...

Got your ass.

That's a good one.

I'm sure he's almost here. I'm gonna go check.

Okay, girl.

Hello.

Hey. So, no pressure, but I've already moved our names

to the bottom of the queue, like, twice now.

Uh, yeah, okay, I'm just picking up one more ride and then I'm there.

All right. Well, please hurry. But don't speed.

I can't wait, but there's always time to make a safe choice.

So excited to see you in however long it takes.

- For Leonard? - Uh, yep.

- Ah. - Uh, Janine, I gotta go.

Oh, totally. All right.

Well, if your rider gets strange or aggressive, just give me a call.

People get weird at night.

- Love you. - Aight, love you too.

Love you three.

Oh, it's all happening.

- What are you doing here? - Hi.

Um, Barbara won a raffle for, like, a free karaoke room.

So, what about you?

We're celebrating the opening night of my one-man show, Got Out.

Oh. Oh, you changed the title.

Yeah, writing about you actually broke down some walls for me creatively.

But what about you? What are you up to?

Hmm. Well, um, Melissa got a guinea pig.

That's cool.

You know, I'm near you guys now. I just moved to Northern Liberties.

Zach, what the hell?

That's been your dream neighborhood for, like, ever.

I know. I'm really going after what I want. It feels good.

Oh. Well... Well, good.

Zach, you're up. Come on. Our song.

I don't need the lyrics.

♪ Oh, hey ♪

♪ Every single day I walk down the street ♪

- ♪ I hear people say, "Baby, so sweet" ♪ - ♪ Baby ♪

- ♪ And don't lose your mind ♪ - ♪ And don't lose your mind ♪

- Dessert menu? - Yes, please.

Thank you.

So, yeah, those are my top five roller coasters.

But I'm more of an immersive motion simulator kind of guy.

Do you have a... Do you have a favorite?

A favorite what?

Thing I never wanted to talk about tonight?

Um, excuse me, could we just get the check actually?

Oh, so you just decided I didn't want the matcha cheesecake?

No, I just didn't wanna waste any more of your time since this is going so poorly.

Why would you say that?

Uh, because of basically everything that you said over the course of this date.

You making fun of me the whole night.

But that's kind of been our thing.

Would've been nice to build on that rapport

to actually, I don't know, learn something about each other.

Learn what? I'm perfect. You're obsessed with me.

How long do you think it will be until you get here?

Um, it should be about...

- Whoa. - What?

It's just surge pricing

is the highest I've ever seen it right now.

A fare to Jersey just came in, and it pays for like a fifth of my rent.

Oh.

W-Would it be the worst thing in the world if I didn't make it tonight?

Oh, um...

You know what, no. Never mind.

I'll just, um... I shouldn't have even asked.

I'll just pass on the ride, and I'll be there in ten.

No, Gregory, don't do that.

You gotta take it. You took a second job to make money.

Make the money.

Thank you for understanding. I'll, um...

I promise I'll make it up to you.

Okay. Bye.

It's about time. Jacob, you're up.

Oh. Okay, hold on. Just want to switch my song real quick.

- How'd things go with Zach? - It went great.

He looks great. Sounds great. Overall, just, uh... just great.

He better not sing anything ironic.

And he certainly better not sing, "Ironic."

Yeah, well, you know, I love the boy, but he's always pitchy.

And he refuses to use his diaphragm.

♪ Cut my life into pieces This is my last resort ♪

Let's go!

♪Suffocation, no breathing ♪

♪ Don't give a if I cut my arm bleeding ♪

♪ This is my last resort ♪

Jacob.

I know you said you're okay, but the songs you have in the queue...

they sound quite alarming.

Is this because Zach's got a new guy?

No, he's a... he's a serial monogamist. That was inevitable.

Just that Zach has, like, done so much since we broke up, you know?

- He's gotten back into theater. - Yeah.

He's got his dream apartment, new friends.

I didn't recognize anybody in his karaoke room.

You know, he's, like, moving forward, and I just, I don't know, I feel stuck.

This is the part where you tell me I'm doing great and I'm overreacting.

Sometimes, the best thing that you can do for someone is just be a mirror.

But hey, look, I-I-I helped RJ get into golf, you know.

- Yes. - I got the school a counselor. So...

You did. And those are amazing professional wins.

But, sweetheart, there's more to life than work.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe it's time for you to start looking for whatever your dream apartment is.

Hey, you might even think about looking for something deeper in your dating life.

Hey, it can't be that hard with your driller app and everything.

So Ava just texted. Turns out she's gonna come after all.

Great.

I can't believe you are not letting me choose a song.

Well, I can't believe you bought another condo

when you can barely take me out on dates.

- It has an outdoor pool. - We live in Philadelphia.

And it's like if I'm driving to make money so I'm not stressed about going out,

but then I'm missing that when I'm driving, then, like, what's the point?

It's... It's like I'm going in circles.

Well, you are going the right way, right?

I meant it metaphorically.

Dang, surge pricing is five times the normal fare.

You gonna accept that ride or what?

Maria F is five minutes away. You don't have to wait with me.

Of course I'm gonna wait with you.

My family used to go out to eat at chain restaurants all the time.

It's like my dad's favorite thing to do.

But he has the worst taste.

I kinda like chain restaurants.

Me too. But I was talking about his taste in women.

He started a second family with a waitress at one of those restaurants,

and queso dips are very triggering for me now.

Thank you for telling me that.

I don't really like queso dip anyway

so it won't be hard to avoid on our next date.

This date doesn't have to end right now.

I was invited to karaoke tonight.

I wasn't planning on gracing them with my talents, but...

you want to go with me?

I'm down.

Go ahead.

No, no, I don't wanna hurt your feelings. I know you're sensitive.

I ain't sensitive. I ain't sensitive. Go ahead and make your little joke.

What divorced lesbian did you steal this Subaru from?

Get in my car.

♪ Way up high or down low ♪

♪ I'll go wherever ♪

♪ You will go ♪

- Yeah. - Yes!

- She's like your best friend, right? - Wow.

What are you talking about? She sounds just like him.

- I crushed it. - Whoa. Okay.

- Yeah, sis. - I guess it's me.

Whoo! Go, Janine.

What's up, guys?

- That was great, Melissa. - Thank you.

Um, as you guys know, Gregory was supposed to be here, but he couldn't make it.

But it's okay, because in his honor, I'm gonna do both parts of the duet.

- Okay. - Which, um, shouldn't be hard.

I've done it before. I was a very lonely High School Musical fan,

so here we go.

Okay.

♪ Baby, I'm not always there when you call But I'm always on time ♪

- ♪ Gave you my all, now, baby, come on ♪ - ♪ Come on ♪

♪ And get a piece of this late night lover You know ♪

- ♪ The one you say is like no other ♪ - ♪ You say is like no other ♪

♪ I know I got a lot of things I need to explain ♪

♪ But, baby, you know the name ♪

♪ And love is about pain ♪

♪ So, stop the complaints And drop the order restraints ♪

♪ Our sex life's a game So back me down in the paint ♪

- ♪ And I can't wait no more ♪ - ♪ About a quarter past three ♪

♪ And shorty's eyein' me ♪

- ♪ Bentley valeted ♪ - ♪Bentley valeted ♪

Bill?

Elijah.

Hi, Elijah. I'm Jacob.

Hi, Jacob. That was really risky. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm so glad that worked.

What were you gonna do if it didn't?

Probably say, "Hey, I'm Jacob, the guy you forgot to hit on earlier."

- That's also pretty good. - Thank you.

What brings you to karaoke?

It is my friend's birthday,

and I volunteered to get the drinks because I hate singing.

Do you think I can get your number?

For sure.

I'm gonna put it in as "Bill."

There you go.

All right.

- See you, Jacob. - Yeah.

What's up, man?

Okay, Jacob. I see you.

Uh, come on. I'll, uh, show you where the room is.

Ava, it's so great to see you. I want you to meet my new boyfriend.

White?

It's actually pronounced "Wyatt."

Right.

You're talking about how I'm looking around at everyone...

Wow.

- Hey! - Hey!

- There they are. - Finally.

- How did it go? - He's here, ain't he?

We got time for one more song. Ava, you choose.

- Help me pick. - Okay.

What do you even do? You know what? I'm out. I'm done. I am done. Nah. Nope.

Yep, just, uh...

Appreciate you, bro.

I got the wrong idea about you at the district.

They got "No More Drama" by Mary J on there?

♪ What would you do If your son was at home ♪

♪ Crying all alone on the bedroom floor 'Cause he's hungry? ♪

♪ And the only way to feed him is to ♪

♪ Sleep with a man For a little bit of money ♪

♪ And his daddy's gone Somewhere smokin' rock now ♪

♪ In and out of lockdown I ain't got a job now ♪

♪ So for you this is just a good time But for me this is what I call life ♪

♪ Girl, you ain't The only one with a baby ♪

Yeah, there's some things you just can't put a price on.

♪ What would you do If your son was at home ♪

♪ Crying all alone on the bedroom floor 'Cause he's hungry? ♪

♪ And the only way to feed him is to ♪

♪ Sleep with a man For a little bit of money ♪

♪ And his daddy's gone Somewhere smokin' rock now ♪

♪ In and out of lockdown I ain't got a job now ♪

♪ So for you this is just a good time But for me this is what I call life ♪

He's right there.

- But so sad. - We killed that!

You know, as somebody who usually shuns the spotlight...

- Yeah. Uh-huh. - ...I never really got the appeal of karaoke

but, um, it was... it was fun.

- It was really fun. It was. - It was, wasn't it?

- Yeah. - And you were so good.

I practiced the entire time I was driving.

- You did? - Yeah.

Okay, let me catch you up on everything you missed while you were gone.

- Kept a log, just the way you like. - Oh, great.

- So, 8:02 p.m. We arrived. - Two minutes late. What happened?

Hey, I'm pretty sure I requested a quiet ride.

- Oh. - You know what? You sure did.

- Um, my bad. - Sorry.

My shoelace was caught in the escalator--

A quiet ride, not a whisper one. A quiet one.

- So, I-- - Just give me your hand. Okay.