Original subtitles

I know you're standing behind me.

Hey, so did you see my email about asking for a water heater

at the district meeting so that we can start actually washing our hands

in hot water and I can regain the color in my fingertips?

Ugh. Get those cold paws out of my face I don't read emails before 1:00 p.m.

Tomorrow is the annual district budget meeting where schools plead their case

to the school board to receive funding, blah, blah, blah.

But thanks to the golf course,

or should I say thanks to me and my black belt in blackmail,

we actually have what we need for a change.

So now we get to ask for the finer things in life,

like hot water.

It's really not that big of an ask.

Just one late bus, twice a week, for my Goofballs and the step team.

Yeah, but the kids need two-ply toilet paper,

and I don't wanna say why, but we all know why.

Okay, no, Ava, some of the kids, they've never seen a live fish,

so we need to a-carry them to the aquarium.

Yeah, but you're wasting your time.

Yeah, the school board says no to everything.

Sometimes there's a school they say yes to.

Remember when they gave Franklin West all those double sided erasers?

- That was huge. - The Great "Erasening."

- Mm-hmm. - It's a crapshoot.

You never know what's gonna get them to say yes.

Well, this year my presentation is on point,

so I'm asking for all of it. I did the ED Talk for them,

and whilst doing that very gracious favor that they owe me for,

I learned how to speak fluent district.

- Hmm. - Mmm.

Equity. Action item.

Mmm.

Deliverables. Academic rigor. KPIs.

What the hell's a KPI?

Let's circle back on that.

- Oh. - Impressive.

Oh, are you two lovebirds making plans for the holiday tomorrow?

Oh, t-tomorrow? What is tomorrow? Is it Presidents' Day?

Hmm. What's tomorrow, Gregory?

You know, I'm not sure, but you trying to kick it, my guy?

I don't know. It's an ordinary day to me, playboy.

- We're kidding. - Yeah, we know it's Valentine's Day.

Didn't buy tickets. Don't wanna see the show.

Well, it's our first Valentine's Day together as a couple.

We usually go hard for our holidays.

But for some reason, the school board decided

to schedule a district budget meeting on the same day.

Yeah. And we're gonna be exhausted,

so we figured we'd just chill at my place for V-Day.

- Watch a nice rom-com. - Yeah, low stakes. No stakes.

Although I would like a burger.

We can get you a burger.

Oh.

He's such a provider.

So, what improvements to society

did the second industrial revolution bring about?

RJ, hit me.

Better ways of communicating.

- Yes, great. - Also tech advances, railroad expansion.

Are you crying?

Um...

Have a great rest of your day, everyone.

Hey, Mr. C, that's cool you started a club for RJ.

Oh, thank you, Andrew.

But I want a club for me.

Yeah, RJ's not the only one with problems at home. I want a club too.

Okay, that's alarming, but fair. Um...

Well... ...what are you interested in? Gardening, hopefully.

I don't know. You tell me. Isn't that, like, your job to figure out what I like?

No, my job is to teach history.

That's your whole job?

I will see what I can do.

Then get on it.

Chop-chop, bitch.

What did I say about calling me "bitch"?

- District bingo, anyone? - Yes.

The boxes contain district platitudes and Abbott certainties.

"We'll do our best to accommodate." Yeah, you really nailed that district BS.

Just reading it makes me wanna slap the hell out of somebody.

Oh, Melissa threatens violence. Hey, I've got that.

- Yeah. Yeah. - That's pretty good.

Hey, yo.

Watch it, Stick Stickly.

- What are you looking at SpongeBob? - Oh.

Hey, hey. He was Teacher of the Year. Not last year, but, like,

- a couple of years ago. - Yeah.

- Can it, Tommy Pickles. - Oh, my God.

- Okay. - Why does she watch so much Nickelodeon?

- Oof. It is tense in here. - Uh-oh. The Big Teagues.

- Hey, Manny. - Gregory Eddie.

I hear you two are an item now.

- I love that. You have my blessing. - Aw.

Jacob Hill. Come on, man.

Mrs. Howard.

- Ms. Schemmenti. - Oh, this is gonna take forever.

Um, I'm gonna go get a smoothie from next door.

Okay. Can you get me an Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away.

Oh, and get me one of the strawberry ones with the Cocoa Puffs.

- Cacao nibs. Yeah. - I got it. All right.

Crystal R-R-R-Riley!

Ah! Well, well, well. Look who's here. Hey, Soror.

You sound surprised for someone who just texted me,

"See you soon, Soror." But okay. Hey, girl.

Enough with the pleasantries.

I am clocked in at the locked in factory

and I'm about to take all the district's money for Liberty Rings.

Well, how will you get anything when I'm gonna get it all for Abbott?

Make it make sense.

Honestly, truly, I am rooting for you.

I sincerely hope there's something left for dusty old Abbott after I go seventh.

That's right. That's right. We got the best spot.

Lucky number seven, the one right before the 15 minute break.

They always throw someone a bone in that spot,

so that people will come back with a little bit of hope.

Well, I don't need hope.

'Cause I'm locked in at the clock factory and guess what?

There's no key.

Attention. The meeting is starting in one minute.

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Hold on. I got a voice note from Gregory. Might be a smoothie emergency.

Because you know what? I'm not allergic to apple,

- but I kinda get this thing where my-- - Bye.

Hey, so the smoothie you ordered has a different name.

What was in it again?

You know what? Never mind. I'll just, uh... I'll surprise you.

I gotta go. Bye-bye. Okay. I love you.

Did he just tell me he loves me for the first time?

In a voice note?

So if you could please consider our request for windows.

I miss the sunlight and the children do too.

We'll have to...

- Ava Colem-- - Stop.

I heard Liberty Rings got the seventh spot

even though I volunteered to do that ED Talk,

not out of the kindness of my heart.

Look, the district really appreciated that talk,

and we know that it's been a while since Abbott's walked out

with anything at these meetings. So between you and me,

the superintendent set aside a nice chunk of money for you.

You could sleepwalk up there and wake up with a bag.

If we get some textbooks that make it past the civil rights era,

I feel like it might help with some of the racial tension in the school.

We'll take a look at that.

Ha! "We'll take a look at that." Got it.

- Are you cheating? - How am I cheating? You made these.

You know, people say you can't be good at bingo.

- Tell that to my cards. - Thank you. Next, please.

What are you smiling about?

Well...

- Oh, hello. - Hi. Oh, my God, what? This?

Call me Scrappy-Doo 'cause I got a mystery on my hands.

Do you mind listening to this voice note that Gregory left me

while he was getting smoothies

and tell me what you think he says at the end?

Okay.

...gotta go. Bye-bye. Okay. I love you.

- Sounds to me like he said, "I love food." - Hmm?

Sure. Yeah, for sure.

Um, I just... I thought it sounded like he said "I love you,"

but that... that'd be weird to say for the first time in a voice note, right?

Yeah, that would definitely be weird.

Although that young man notoriously does not love food.

- No, he doesn't. Right? - Mm-mm.

Maybe he said, "I love boots." What kind of footwear does he sport?

Um... I'm trying to think,

but I honestly can't remember anything about him below the knees.

- Ooh, that reminds me. - What?

"Janine needs help with something silly." Ha!

- I got the corners, baby. Yeah. - Right, but if you can focus on this.

I just wanna know what you think.

Oh, hello, ladies. You don't know me,

but would you mind weighing in on a voice note?

Of course we don't need sporks, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

Or I guess it does.

- "Principal cries." - Sporks. Such a luxurious ask.

Yeah, people are really starting to lose it and I'm not gonna lie.

It feels good to not have to worry this year.

I know. I can't believe Manny told Ava that they set aside money for us.

You know, I was actually thinking about asking Ava

if we could request money for more clubs.

What do we need more clubs for?

You and Gregory got big plans to help two to six more students?

Actually, yesterday some of the kids,

they were asking me if I could help them find something they're passionate about.

You know, kind of like I did with RJ.

Okay, so who's gonna run all these clubs? You?

That's like another full-time job on top of your already full-time job.

It's like an overtime job. It's too many jobs.

Please, we must have absolute silence and be respectful to the people here.

Request denied.

Next up, looks like we have Liberty Rings Elementary.

Uh, excuse me.

Watch and learn, Soror.

Good luck, babe.

You know what...

I always thought he would tell me he loved me,

like, using a plant or something, but using his words? He's...

He's such a wild card.

Did you happen to catch anyone saying "low-hanging fruit"?

It's a critical square.

- No. - Oh, okay.

So apparently they changed all the names for Valentine's Day,

so hopefully I got this right.

- Here is your Apple Of My Eye. - Thank you.

Here is your strawberry and cacao nib, I Love You with Extra Love, aka nibs.

Um...

- Aren't those festive names? - Mm-hmm.

More like confusing. It took me a second

to realize Be Still My Beating Heart was my go-to.

Ironically, the opposite of what beets do for the heart.

Yeah. No, super confusing.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Oh, hey, you're full-time now?

For almost a year. We were just venting about how terrible the district is.

Yeah. Seems like nobody gets what they want.

Seriously. Five years ago our school's roof caved in, and instead of fixing it,

they had a counselor come in once a week

to deal with the emotional burden of not having a roof.

Apparently they were like, "I know you feel a dank draft, kid,

but how does that dank draft make you feel?"

"Uh, Dank. The hell?"

Wow. That's interesting. Wait, so the counselor came once a week?

Our school turned into a drop-top. That's what you're focused on?

No, yeah. That is... That is wild.

District sucks.

All right.

So with that, I ask the board to grant us these basic necessities.

And to quote Amanda Gorman,

"For there is always light, if only we're brave enough to see it,

if only we are brave enough to be it."

Oh, yes. Wasn't that lovely?

Corny ass.

That was an impressive presentation.

But highly unlikely. We'll circle back.

Let's reconvene in 15 minutes.

Oof. "Highly unlikely" and "We'll circle back."

That's a double whammy.

- Yeah. - And also double squares. I'm one away.

- What? How? - One away.

- You got one? - Yeah, I got one.

- Did you-- - Hey, so,

about that counselor that you mentioned...

Oh, my... You know, you Abbott people are weird.

All the teachers talk about it.

Right, right. Well...

Anyways, can you tell me more about, like, how it works?

She comes once a week,

which is nowhere near enough to get anything real done.

The line is always out the door.

And the district would never pay for more days.

Yeah, that's, um...

Awesome, good talk!

Liberty Rings got smoked.

I'm gonna go kick Crystal while she's down.

I'm really sorry, but it's okay. We will get them next year.

That's what we've been saying for the last three years.

I know I'm trying to stay positive.

They are up there hoarding resources while our kids are sharing books,

taking turns doing the homework.

I don't know how I'm gonna go back into the school and tell everybody

I didn't get anything for the kids.

I just... I really thought we had it this time.

If it helps, you know, no one really got anything.

Watch out for the Ava-lanche rolling through,

getting resources, knocking down houses. Cool.

Mmm. You know what I love? I don't use this word often.

I love when they add just a pinch of salt to balance out the flavors.

God, I just love that.

You love that. That's great. That's good stuff.

There you are. Hey, what do you think about asking Ava for a counselor?

Oh, is this instead of your request for a Pan-African flag?

Well, in an ideal world we would get both, but yes, yes.

I really think a counselor, like two or three times a week, you know,

giving individualized attention,

it could change the trajectory of some of our students' lives.

I mean, don't you think that's worth pursuing?

I mean, I could use some support with the Goofballs.

I know they look up to me, but I don't have all the answers they need.

The world is so different from when I was a kid.

Yeah.

Yeah, the older girls who come talk to me,

they've got some real stuff they're dealing with,

and I don't know what half the words they're saying mean.

Gyatt.

See? Melissa gyatts it.

No, just... No.

Yeah, but a counselor that many times a week

would be almost as expensive as our entire list.

Ava's not gonna go for that.

- Yeah, she'd kill you. - Yeah.

Maybe we'll get lucky next year.

No. Guys, guys, so much can happen in a year.

Haven't you seen Rent?

Okay? We can't sit on our hands. This... This is our year.

I'm sorry, man, but I just don't know what else we could do at this point.

Well, on the bright side,

we can all mark off Jacob gives an impassioned speech.

- Oh, yeah. Okay. - Mm-hmm.

I already marked mine when I was still set on the flag and I was explaining

what the colors black, green, and red represent.

Was it to a Black person?

Yes.

Barb, you should have put

"Jacob explains an element of Black culture" on here.

Maybe next time.

Hey, Ava.

Jacob, not now.

No, totally. But...

Oh, hey, actually, do you think, um, I could give the presentation for you?

I would love some face time with the district

and, uh, it's in the bag, right? So what's the harm?

Before we hear from the next school, a reminder, get to the point.

Less pomp, no circumstance. Okay?

- Yeah, go ahead. - Wait, really?

Yeah, they said we could sleepwalk up there and get the money,

so march your squirrel ass up there and go get our nut.

Okay.

It doesn't even matter what you say up there...

...or what you need or how much you prepare,

just how much the district decides they like you that year.

Next up, Abbott Elementary.

Hello, distinguished school board members.

My name is Jacob Hill, and I am a teacher at Abbott Elementary, um...

I'm gonna cut to the point.

We don't need, currently, some of the material things

that the other schools are asking for today.

The students at our school are each facing issues outside of the classroom,

and these things are impacting their lives in school.

Now, we do our best, but as teachers we just don't have the bandwidth

to give them the one-on-one attention that they need.

So I'm asking for Abbott to get a counselor three days a week.

Excuse me?

That is a very big ask.

Well, it would be our entire request.

Then it's granted.

Oh, no. Ava's gonna kill him. I can't look. I can't look.

Oh.

You have love for the boy.

I have love for the rent he pays me, Barb.

A counselor? I love that for you,

but you're leaving like 25 grand on the table.

...and your generosity. Yeah.

I guess I didn't even really need these cards. Um, wow.

And you all look fantastic...

Why?

Um...

Actually, Abbott has another request.

Proceed.

We would also like to ask for computers, new history books,

and we could use some discretionary funds.

Approved. Can we move on now?

Of course, but one more thing.

Oh, my God, sit down.

I'm gonna need for those things to be divided

between the three Title I schools that came before us and were denied.

Oh, my bad.

And now I'm done. Thank you.

Fine. We'll divide it amongst the schools, which we would have done eventually.

You were just putting a pin in it.

I knew y'all would circle back after you ran it up the flagpole. KPI.

- Yeah! - Whoo!

I should have known you'd pull out some theatrics.

Well... ...the spotlight finds me. I don't go looking for it.

But thank you. For what you did in there.

Of course. But when you kill it as hard as I do,

it's easy to share the wealth.

I just want others to experience what I experience on a daily basis.

- Well, I appreciate it. - Mmm.

Although, I did find it so interesting what your teacher said

about Abbott already having material things.

Bye, girl.

That was incredible.

Jacob, you lied to me. Interesting choice.

You know, ever since I did a nice thing ten minutes ago,

I've been looking for a new person to destroy. To restore order.

Ava, none of that was on my bingo card.

This has a whiff of a long con of which we do not yet know the ramifications.

Why do y'all act like I can't do something nice every once in a while?

I told you since the beginning, I had this covered.

Abbott Element. So hey, that was awesome in there very cool, very rad,

but the school board is super pissed.

Like, I've never seen them this mad before,

so I would mind your P's and Q's going forward

because they're about to be on your ass.

Hey. The school board.

- Pretty cool move by Ava. - Mm-hmm.

- I kinda loved it. - Oh.

God, what don't you love, Gregory?

Okay. What's going on? I'm missing something?

...surprise you. I gotta go. Bye-bye. Okay. I love you.

I see.

I know you were just ordering a special smoothie, but I kinda...

I thought that you said you loved me. So...

- 'Cause I did. - It's just a loaded drink name. But...

Wait. What?

Yeah, I wasn't ordering when I said that.

I said I love you to you. Must have just slipped out.

Oh.

But it was an accident?

Yeah, but it slipped out because that's how I feel.

I think it all the time.

I was gonna say it tonight over for dinner,

but apparently I couldn't wait.

'Cause I love you.

Sick, sick, sick.

I love you too.

- Do you want to go to Bone Town? - Hell yeah.

Welcome back. Let's get settled.

Next up on the agenda, public comment. First up we have...

I can't make out the first name, but the last name is Johnson.

Greetings, board. Sister Sloss, looking good.

I'd like to file a motion that the district give me $50 and a sandwich.

Yes! Bingo!

- Come on. - Mr. Johnson says some Mr. Nonsense.

Damn it. Gotta be kidding me.

How am I bad at bingo?

Request denied.

Okay then. Just give me the $50 and I'll starve to death.