All language subtitles for Abbott Elementary 4x14 - District Budget Meeting

I know you're standing behind me.

Hey, so did you see my email
about asking for a water heater

at the district meeting so that we can
start actually washing our hands

in hot water and I can regain
the color in my fingertips?

Ugh. Get those cold paws out of my face
I don't read emails before 1:00 p.m.

Tomorrow is the annual district budget
meeting where schools plead their case

to the school board to receive funding,
blah, blah, blah.

But thanks to the golf course,

or should I say thanks to me
and my black belt in blackmail,

we actually have what we need
for a change.

So now we get to ask
for the finer things in life,

like hot water.

It's really not that big of an ask.

Just one late bus, twice a week,
for my Goofballs and the step team.

Yeah, but the kids
need two-ply toilet paper,

and I don't wanna say why,
but we all know why.

Okay, no, Ava, some of the kids,
they've never seen a live fish,

so we need to a-carry them
to the aquarium.

Yeah, but you're wasting your time.

Yeah, the school board says no
to everything.

Sometimes there's a school
they say yes to.

Remember when they gave Franklin West
all those double sided erasers?

- That was huge.
- The Great "Erasening."

- Mm-hmm.
- It's a crapshoot.

You never know
what's gonna get them to say yes.

Well, this year my presentation
is on point,

so I'm asking for all of it.
I did the ED Talk for them,

and whilst doing that very gracious favor
that they owe me for,

I learned how to speak fluent district.

- Hmm.
- Mmm.

Equity. Action item.

Mmm.

Deliverables.
Academic rigor. KPIs.

What the hell's a KPI?

Let's circle back on that.

- Oh.
- Impressive.

Oh, are you two lovebirds making plans
for the holiday tomorrow?

Oh, t-tomorrow?
What is tomorrow? Is it Presidents' Day?

Hmm. What's tomorrow, Gregory?

You know, I'm not sure,
but you trying to kick it, my guy?

I don't know. It's an ordinary day to me,
playboy.

- We're kidding.
- Yeah, we know it's Valentine's Day.

Didn't buy tickets.
Don't wanna see the show.

Well, it's our first Valentine's Day
together as a couple.

We usually go hard for our holidays.

But for some reason,
the school board decided

to schedule a district budget meeting
on the same day.

Yeah. And we're gonna be exhausted,

so we figured we'd just chill
at my place for V-Day.

- Watch a nice rom-com.
- Yeah, low stakes. No stakes.

Although I would like a burger.

We can get you a burger.

Oh.

He's such a provider.

So, what improvements to society

did the second industrial revolution
bring about?

RJ, hit me.

Better ways of communicating.

- Yes, great.
- Also tech advances, railroad expansion.

Are you crying?

Um...

Have a great rest of your day, everyone.

Hey, Mr. C, that's cool
you started a club for RJ.

Oh, thank you, Andrew.

But I want a club for me.

Yeah, RJ's not the only one
with problems at home. I want a club too.

Okay, that's alarming, but fair. Um...

Well... ...what are you
interested in? Gardening, hopefully.

I don't know. You tell me. Isn't that,
like, your job to figure out what I like?

No, my job is to teach history.

That's your whole job?

I will see what I can do.

Then get on it.

Chop-chop, bitch.

What did I say about calling me "bitch"?

- District bingo, anyone?
- Yes.

The boxes contain district platitudes
and Abbott certainties.

"We'll do our best to accommodate."
Yeah, you really nailed that district BS.

Just reading it makes me wanna
slap the hell out of somebody.

Oh, Melissa threatens violence.
Hey, I've got that.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- That's pretty good.

Hey, yo.

Watch it, Stick Stickly.

- What are you looking at SpongeBob?
- Oh.

Hey, hey. He was Teacher of the Year.
Not last year, but, like,

- a couple of years ago.
- Yeah.

- Can it, Tommy Pickles.
- Oh, my God.

- Okay.
- Why does she watch so much Nickelodeon?

- Oof. It is tense in here.
- Uh-oh. The Big Teagues.

- Hey, Manny.
- Gregory Eddie.

I hear you two are an item now.

- I love that. You have my blessing.
- Aw.

Jacob Hill. Come on, man.

Mrs. Howard.

- Ms. Schemmenti.
- Oh, this is gonna take forever.

Um, I'm gonna go get a smoothie
from next door.

Okay. Can you get me an Apple a Day
Keeps the Doctor Away.

Oh, and get me one of the strawberry ones
with the Cocoa Puffs.

- Cacao nibs. Yeah.
- I got it. All right.

Crystal R-R-R-Riley!

Ah! Well, well, well.
Look who's here. Hey, Soror.

You sound surprised for someone
who just texted me,

"See you soon, Soror."
But okay. Hey, girl.

Enough with the pleasantries.

I am clocked in at the locked in factory

and I'm about to take all
the district's money for Liberty Rings.

Well, how will you get anything when I'm
gonna get it all for Abbott?

Make it make sense.

Honestly, truly, I am rooting for you.

I sincerely hope there's something left
for dusty old Abbott after I go seventh.

That's right. That's right.
We got the best spot.

Lucky number seven,
the one right before the 15 minute break.

They always throw someone a bone
in that spot,

so that people will come back
with a little bit of hope.

Well, I don't need hope.

'Cause I'm locked in
at the clock factory and guess what?

There's no key.

Attention.
The meeting is starting in one minute.

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Hold on. I got a voice note from Gregory.
Might be a smoothie emergency.

Because you know what?
I'm not allergic to apple,

- but I kinda get this thing where my--
- Bye.

Hey, so the smoothie you ordered
has a different name.

What was in it again?

You know what? Never mind.
I'll just, uh... I'll surprise you.

I gotta go. Bye-bye. Okay. I love you.

Did he just tell me he loves me
for the first time?

In a voice note?

So if you could please consider
our request for windows.

I miss the sunlight
and the children do too.

We'll have to...

- Ava Colem--
- Stop.

I heard Liberty Rings got the seventh spot

even though I volunteered
to do that ED Talk,

not out of the kindness of my heart.

Look, the district really appreciated
that talk,

and we know that it's been a while
since Abbott's walked out

with anything at these meetings.
So between you and me,

the superintendent set aside a nice chunk
of money for you.

You could sleepwalk up there
and wake up with a bag.

If we get some textbooks
that make it past the civil rights era,

I feel like it might help with some of
the racial tension in the school.

We'll take a look at that.

Ha! "We'll take a look at that." Got it.

- Are you cheating?
- How am I cheating? You made these.

You know, people say
you can't be good at bingo.

- Tell that to my cards.
- Thank you. Next, please.

What are you smiling about?

Well...

- Oh, hello.
- Hi. Oh, my God, what? This?

Call me Scrappy-Doo
'cause I got a mystery on my hands.

Do you mind listening to this voice note
that Gregory left me

while he was getting smoothies

and tell me what you think
he says at the end?

Okay.

...gotta go.
Bye-bye. Okay. I love you.

- Sounds to me like he said, "I love food."
- Hmm?

Sure. Yeah, for sure.

Um, I just... I thought it sounded like
he said "I love you,"

but that... that'd be weird to say
for the first time in a voice note, right?

Yeah, that would definitely be weird.

Although that young man
notoriously does not love food.

- No, he doesn't. Right?
- Mm-mm.

Maybe he said, "I love boots."
What kind of footwear does he sport?

Um... I'm trying to think,

but I honestly can't remember
anything about him below the knees.

- Ooh, that reminds me.
- What?

"Janine needs help
with something silly." Ha!

- I got the corners, baby. Yeah.
- Right, but if you can focus on this.

I just wanna know what you think.

Oh, hello, ladies. You don't know me,

but would you mind weighing in
on a voice note?

Of course we don't need sporks,
but it doesn't hurt to ask.

Or I guess it does.

- "Principal cries."
- Sporks. Such a luxurious ask.

Yeah, people are really starting
to lose it and I'm not gonna lie.

It feels good to not have
to worry this year.

I know. I can't believe Manny told Ava
that they set aside money for us.

You know, I was actually thinking
about asking Ava

if we could request money for more clubs.

What do we need more clubs for?

You and Gregory got big plans
to help two to six more students?

Actually, yesterday some of the kids,

they were asking me if I could help them
find something they're passionate about.

You know, kind of like I did with RJ.

Okay, so who's gonna run
all these clubs? You?

That's like another full-time job
on top of your already full-time job.

It's like an overtime job.
It's too many jobs.

Please, we must have absolute silence
and be respectful to the people here.

Request denied.

Next up, looks like we have
Liberty Rings Elementary.

Uh, excuse me.

Watch and learn, Soror.

Good luck, babe.

You know what...

I always thought
he would tell me he loved me,

like, using a plant or something,
but using his words? He's...

He's such a wild card.

Did you happen to catch anyone saying
"low-hanging fruit"?

It's a critical square.

- No.
- Oh, okay.

So apparently they changed
all the names for Valentine's Day,

so hopefully I got this right.

- Here is your Apple Of My Eye.
- Thank you.

Here is your strawberry and cacao nib,
I Love You with Extra Love, aka nibs.

Um...

- Aren't those festive names?
- Mm-hmm.

More like confusing. It took me a second

to realize Be Still My Beating Heart
was my go-to.

Ironically, the opposite of
what beets do for the heart.

Yeah. No, super confusing.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, hey, you're full-time now?

For almost a year. We were just venting
about how terrible the district is.

Yeah.
Seems like nobody gets what they want.

Seriously. Five years ago our school's
roof caved in, and instead of fixing it,

they had a counselor come in once a week

to deal with the emotional burden
of not having a roof.

Apparently they were like,
"I know you feel a dank draft, kid,

but how does that dank draft
make you feel?"

"Uh, Dank. The hell?"

Wow. That's interesting.
Wait, so the counselor came once a week?

Our school turned into a drop-top.
That's what you're focused on?

No, yeah. That is...
That is wild.

District sucks.

All right.

So with that, I ask the board to grant us
these basic necessities.

And to quote Amanda Gorman,

"For there is always light,
if only we're brave enough to see it,

if only we are brave enough to be it."

Oh, yes. Wasn't that lovely?

Corny ass.

That was an impressive presentation.

But highly unlikely. We'll circle back.

Let's reconvene in 15 minutes.

Oof. "Highly unlikely"
and "We'll circle back."

That's a double whammy.

- Yeah.
- And also double squares. I'm one away.

- What? How?
- One away.

- You got one?
- Yeah, I got one.

- Did you--
- Hey, so,

about that counselor that you mentioned...

Oh, my... You know,
you Abbott people are weird.

All the teachers talk about it.

Right, right. Well...

Anyways, can you tell me more about,
like, how it works?

She comes once a week,

which is nowhere near enough
to get anything real done.

The line is always out the door.

And the district would never pay
for more days.

Yeah, that's, um...

Awesome, good talk!

Liberty Rings got smoked.

I'm gonna go kick Crystal
while she's down.

I'm really sorry, but it's okay.
We will get them next year.

That's what we've been saying
for the last three years.

I know I'm trying to stay positive.

They are up there hoarding resources
while our kids are sharing books,

taking turns doing the homework.

I don't know how I'm gonna go back
into the school and tell everybody

I didn't get anything for the kids.

I just...
I really thought we had it this time.

If it helps, you know,
no one really got anything.

Watch out for the Ava-lanche
rolling through,

getting resources,
knocking down houses. Cool.

Mmm. You know what I love?
I don't use this word often.

I love when they add just a pinch of
salt to balance out the flavors.

God, I just love that.

You love that. That's great.
That's good stuff.

There you are. Hey, what do you think
about asking Ava for a counselor?

Oh, is this instead of your request
for a Pan-African flag?

Well, in an ideal world
we would get both, but yes, yes.

I really think a counselor, like two
or three times a week, you know,

giving individualized attention,

it could change the trajectory of
some of our students' lives.

I mean, don't you think
that's worth pursuing?

I mean, I could use some support
with the Goofballs.

I know they look up to me, but I don't
have all the answers they need.

The world is so different
from when I was a kid.

Yeah.

Yeah, the older girls who come talk to me,

they've got some real stuff
they're dealing with,

and I don't know what
half the words they're saying mean.

Gyatt.

See? Melissa gyatts it.

No, just... No.

Yeah, but a counselor
that many times a week

would be almost as expensive
as our entire list.

Ava's not gonna go for that.

- Yeah, she'd kill you.
- Yeah.

Maybe we'll get lucky next year.

No. Guys, guys, so much
can happen in a year.

Haven't you seen Rent?

Okay? We can't sit on our hands.
This... This is our year.

I'm sorry, man, but I just don't know
what else we could do at this point.

Well, on the bright side,

we can all mark off Jacob gives
an impassioned speech.

- Oh, yeah. Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

I already marked mine when I was still
set on the flag and I was explaining

what the colors black, green,
and red represent.

Was it to a Black person?

Yes.

Barb, you should have put

"Jacob explains an element of
Black culture" on here.

Maybe next time.

Hey, Ava.

Jacob, not now.

No, totally. But...

Oh, hey, actually, do you think, um,
I could give the presentation for you?

I would love some face time
with the district

and, uh, it's in the bag, right?
So what's the harm?

Before we hear from the next school,
a reminder, get to the point.

Less pomp, no circumstance. Okay?

- Yeah, go ahead.
- Wait, really?

Yeah, they said we could sleepwalk
up there and get the money,

so march your squirrel ass
up there and go get our nut.

Okay.

It doesn't even matter
what you say up there...

...or what you need
or how much you prepare,

just how much the district decides
they like you that year.

Next up, Abbott Elementary.

Hello, distinguished school board members.

My name is Jacob Hill, and I am a teacher
at Abbott Elementary, um...

I'm gonna cut to the point.

We don't need, currently,
some of the material things

that the other schools
are asking for today.

The students at our school are each
facing issues outside of the classroom,

and these things are impacting
their lives in school.

Now, we do our best, but as teachers
we just don't have the bandwidth

to give them the one-on-one attention
that they need.

So I'm asking for Abbott
to get a counselor three days a week.

Excuse me?

That is a very big ask.

Well, it would be our entire request.

Then it's granted.

Oh, no. Ava's gonna kill him.
I can't look. I can't look.

Oh.

You have love for the boy.

I have love for the rent he pays me, Barb.

A counselor? I love that for you,

but you're leaving
like 25 grand on the table.

...and your generosity.
Yeah.

I guess I didn't even really
need these cards. Um, wow.

And you all look fantastic...

Why?

Um...

Actually, Abbott has another request.

Proceed.

We would also like to ask for computers,
new history books,

and we could use some discretionary funds.

Approved. Can we move on now?

Of course, but one more thing.

Oh, my God, sit down.

I'm gonna need for those things
to be divided

between the three Title I schools
that came before us and were denied.

Oh, my bad.

And now I'm done. Thank you.

Fine. We'll divide it amongst the schools,
which we would have done eventually.

You were just putting a pin in it.

I knew y'all would circle back
after you ran it up the flagpole. KPI.

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

I should have known
you'd pull out some theatrics.

Well... ...the spotlight
finds me. I don't go looking for it.

But thank you. For what you did in there.

Of course. But when you kill it
as hard as I do,

it's easy to share the wealth.

I just want others to experience
what I experience on a daily basis.

- Well, I appreciate it.
- Mmm.

Although, I did find it so interesting
what your teacher said

about Abbott already having
material things.

Bye, girl.

That was incredible.

Jacob, you lied to me. Interesting choice.

You know, ever since I did a nice thing
ten minutes ago,

I've been looking for a new person
to destroy. To restore order.

Ava, none of that was on my bingo card.

This has a whiff of a long con of which
we do not yet know the ramifications.

Why do y'all act like I can't do
something nice every once in a while?

I told you since the beginning,
I had this covered.

Abbott Element. So hey, that was awesome
in there very cool, very rad,

but the school board is super pissed.

Like, I've never seen them
this mad before,

so I would mind your P's and Q's
going forward

because they're about to be on your ass.

Hey. The school board.

- Pretty cool move by Ava.
- Mm-hmm.

- I kinda loved it.
- Oh.

God, what don't you love, Gregory?

Okay. What's going on?
I'm missing something?

...surprise you. I gotta go.
Bye-bye. Okay. I love you.

I see.

I know you were just ordering
a special smoothie, but I kinda...

I thought that you said you loved me.
So...

- 'Cause I did.
- It's just a loaded drink name. But...

Wait. What?

Yeah, I wasn't ordering when I said that.

I said I love you to you.
Must have just slipped out.

Oh.

But it was an accident?

Yeah, but it slipped out
because that's how I feel.

I think it all the time.

I was gonna say it tonight
over for dinner,

but apparently I couldn't wait.

'Cause I love you.

Sick, sick, sick.

I love you too.

- Do you want to go to Bone Town?
- Hell yeah.

Welcome back. Let's get settled.

Next up on the agenda, public comment.
First up we have...

I can't make out the first name,
but the last name is Johnson.

Greetings, board.
Sister Sloss, looking good.

I'd like to file a motion that
the district give me $50 and a sandwich.

Yes! Bingo!

- Come on.
- Mr. Johnson says some Mr. Nonsense.

Damn it. Gotta be kidding me.

How am I bad at bingo?

Request denied.

Okay then. Just give me the $50
and I'll starve to death.