Original subtitles

We're here outside the room where the union and the city are negotiating

for the 11th straight hour.

I just don't know how much longer I can do this remote learning!

The city is never gonna cave.

I should just give up and follow my dreams of being a big rig trucker.

One rest stop bathroom will snap that out of you real quick.

No buses is our new reality.

Yeah, this is terrible.

This is fantastic!

I know the strike's been rough for everybody,

but for me, less kids means less trash, and less trash means more me time.

Did some redecorating,

bought some property, got in a little bit of trouble.

And won at The Game of Life.

I've never known peace like this.

I hope this strike never ends.

All right. We're getting word right now.

Yes, they have reached a deal!

The SEPTA strike is over.

Yes!

That is how this... [bleep] ...done, people!

Damn.

Now that hybrid learning has ended,

please return any equipment we've loaned out and yada yada yada.

Y'all know what to do. I'm not repeating myself.

You never said it the first time.

Good morning, everyone.

Am I interrupting?

- Yes. - Obviously.

How the hell did you get in here?

Oh, uh, Dia gave me a visitor's badge.

Don't be name-dropping my employee. You don't know her like that.

I just learned her name this year.

That's strike two and half, Dia!

Okay, so what do you want?

Well, I am here to formally invite Abbott Elementary and all of its students

to Girard Creek sneak peek of our pre-grand opening preview.

The what?

It's a thank-you!

You'll be able to see the beautiful course.

There will be games, giveaways, and we'll cover transportation.

Oh, sure. He's probably trying to just round us all up

so we can help repair the divots.

Mm-hmm. Rake the bunkers.

Pull Michael Jordan out of a golf hole.

Look. We know it's been tough to be our neighbor during this time.

Think of it as an apology.

Although let the record show,

I have never used the words "I'm sorry" or admitted fault of any kind.

We will not be bought.

Did I mention there's free food?

Oh, should've lead with that. I'm in.

Let's do it!

Crap!

I finally got a reservation at The Valet's Daughter.

The fancy new restaurant? Why the "crap"?

Because Erica was gonna go with me, but now she can't.

Oh.

Well, Janine, I never pegged you for a fine diner.

If you're referring to this, it's what I call a glaze bagel.

Get into it.

Man, I really wanted to try it.

- It's like Parisian, French fusion. Yeah. - Mmm.

How is that fusion? Paris and France are the same place.

Do you think they'll let me dine solo if I promise to eat for two?

'Cause I can do it.

Um, you know?

What if I went with you to the restaurant?

Really?

But the food, it's like, um...

It's got ingredients and flavors together.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. But I can... I can find something.

It'll be fun to dive into the world of cuisine.

You two are gonna have such a good time.

- Gerald and I, we love cooking together. - Aw.

But what really gets us cooking is a great meal in a fancy restaurant,

if you get my meaning.

- Yes. - Unfortunately, I do.

So great to see you all back here again in person where we can make eye contact.

Stop looking at me, bro.

Tomorrow, we are going to the golf course, so we've got a lot of work to do today.

Everybody, please open your books to chapter ten.

Hey, RJ. I just want you to know

I haven't given up on finding something that sparks joy for ya.

Are you serious?

We tried, and we failed.

Can't we just be proud of that?

The one thing I will never be proud of is letting down one of my students.

I'm not gonna give up on this.

Or on teaching Janine how to play Spades.

This is nice. Smells good.

But you know? We should have a plan in case there's a Get Out situation.

Oh, I always do.

Well, they pulled out all the stops.

Yeah, look!

A banner's hardly a stop.

Ava makes one every time she likes her outfit.

And I'll make one for you if you ever wear a nice outfit.

Abbott Elementary, welcome to Girard Creek.

Uh, through the window, you can see our pristine 18-hole course,

formally, the ancestral homeland of the Lenape people

who we hope are doing very well.

Um, over there, you can sign up for raffles and prizes.

There's games for the kids.

Oh, and at some point, you have to try the Alba white truffles.

Just flown in.

Took me six months to source those from a remote province in Italy.

They're absolutely breathtaking.

Was that enough stops for you, Janine?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's real crab. It's not imitation.

You can't even get this at Outback.

Whoa. Thank you.

Give me, like, three more. Okay.

Please, whatever...

Those flowers are probably from the store. They're not even...

Wow.

I was not expecting this.

Oh, Jacob, do not be fooled by one photo of a Black man.

Yeah, you're right. Probably came with the frame.

Charlie Sifford. First African-American to play in the PGA Tour.

Yeah. That's like golf 101.

Yeah. I learned that in Black History Month years ago.

Oh, well, um, we love celebrating the rich and diverse history of the game

that you two seem to be so familiar with.

Are you finding everything to your liking?

No. We're not actually, no.

We've been here five minutes and we haven't been offered a beve...

- Arnold Palmer? - ...rage.

Yeah. If you're gonna just put it in my face. Yeah, I'll have one.

So, thanks.

The ratio is way off.

It's like not enough Arnold and too much Palmer, so...

- I'll tell the kitchen. - Mm-hmm.

So, now remember...

- Ahi tuna? - No.

- Um... - Oh.

My bad. My bad.

If you can't take tuna,

you certainly won't go far at The Valet's Daughter.

There's nothing on that menu that I can eat.

Everything is either dusted and crusted or not to be trusted!

Gregory, the ability to share a nice meal together

is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship.

And that Janine can eat.

It's incredible how much food she can fit in that little body.

Ugh. I do not mean to pry,

but what is it about some foods and you that generates such unique responses?

Where do I begin?

I don't like a bunch of flavors on the same plate.

I don't like things that are chewy. And I really don't like s--

Okay. All right. That is enough.

All right.

So, what about, um, exposure therapy, hmm?

No.

All right then. So, you are fine disappointing Janine?

- Ma'am? - Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So, the next time a waiter comes this way with a tray,

you will take the napkin, some food,

and like a human man, you will smile and say thank you. That's it.

All right. Here we go. Incoming.

Remember, food, napkin, smile, thank you.

Deviled quail egg?

Ooh.

Napkin.

Food.

Smile. Thank you.

That one looks good.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm just considering all the options.

Come on, you got it.

You crushed it!

You know? I was skeptical,

but if the kids are having such a blast, can we really complain?

I mean, it seems... seems pretty fun.

It's whatever.

Are you wearing course merch?

What?

It's cold. It was in the swag bag. It's performance fleece also.

Can you say that again?

But can you say my question in your answer?

Why do you love this golf course?

I love this golf course because I get to hang out with my friends

and, most importantly, not be at school.

Okay, let's try it again. More energetic.

Hey. Hey.

What's going on here?

Nothing. Just talking to some of the students getting feedback.

Oh. Okay.

- Feedback on what? - On the course.

Okay. So you're getting feedback on a professional golf course

from amateur children?

Yep. They are our future.

- We good? - Yeah, we got 'em.

Uh, got what?

Uh...

Fabulous pasta bar. Go see for yourselves.

- I do not like that guy. - Yeah, me neither.

I will go see for myself, all right? I'm pretty hungry.

How can you still be hungry?

- It's all the Palmers. - Okay.

Darius, um,

what did that man... what did that man just ask you?

He asked why I love this golf course.

And I said because it's fun and better than being at school.

Mm-hmm. Please.

Listen to me. You don't have to lie, right?

Because we both know, school is pretty cool.

I wasn't lying.

Can I go now? It looks like RJ is taking a break.

Hey. Hey, buddy.

You know that, like, if anybody is asking you weird questions

like if... like if you like it here, that you don't have to lie to 'em, right?

Why would I lie? This has been great.

Great?

Wow. It's so nice to hear you say that.

Um, great how?

I don't know. I think I like golf.

- Uh, I gotta... - Yeah. Of course.

Italian Alba white truffle. May I?

- You may. - Hit me.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Son of a bitch. That's good.

- Truffle me, please. - Mmm.

Damn.

- They spent some real money on this. - Mmm.

And do you know who we have to thank? Me.

Blackmailing works and now we get to live the dream.

Mm-hmm.

I didn't say when yet, big dawg. Keep it coming.

That'll do.

Do you have any idea how much those Italian Alba white truffles go for?

Of course I do. 4K a pound.

Yeah. I don't even think anybody would notice if they went missing.

Mmm.

That guy is barely looking.

Kinda like they're begging us to steal them.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

I'm feeling a little bit heisty.

You'll be the Oceans, I'll be the 11?

Catch me if you can.

We about to set it off.

I'm up for this Italian job.

We be gone in 60 seconds.

- And then we be out of sight. - Out of sight.

Girl.

Yeah. Okay. Get in so we get everybody in the picture.

- Perfect. Okay. - What's up, guys? What's going on?

Oh, hi! We're just gathering everybody together for a group photo

to commemorate your visit.

So, Ms. Teagues, if I can have you right here down front,

just to make sure we could see you.

Hi. If I could have you two just follow me.

I have a special spot for you.

How about just right there behind all the kids there?

Just right in that corner there. Yeah.

Why are you putting us all the way in the back? This is a new jacket.

Mr. C, you know where I can get cheap golf clubs?

Ah, I don't think cheap and golf is really a thing,

but, hey, have you ever tried soccer?

It's the most played sport in the world.

I'm 13. Of course I've tried soccer.

Yeah.

Hey, Mr. Nathaniel. This place is so cool! How can I join?

Oh, I'll tell you what. When you get a little bit older, come on back.

We'll have something real special for ya. Every great golfer needs a great caddy.

Okay. Looking good.

Just one thing.

Hi, buddy. Here we go.

Oh.

- Um, sorry. - I'm gonna put you right about there.

I'm sorry? Oop... Sorry. Hi. What exactly are you doing?

Oh, just composition.

Hi, Charlie.

Just wanna make sure everybody gets seen by the camera.

So just be with your classmates. And if I could have you...

- Are you sure? 'Cause you can't see him. - Uh, I think we got him. We got him? Yeah.

Okay. Oh... Oh, my Gosh. Three legs.

Are you kidding me?

Look at that. Okay, my friend.

- If you could just hold that leash. Yeah. - I'm holding him. Okay.

- Uh, why the dog? - Uh, club mascot.

Okay, everybody who's ready to do this. Say cheese!

Cheese!

That photo op, it was weird, wasn't it?

Stop being ableist, Janine.

That three-legged dog ain't gonna do nothing to you.

No, not the dog, but...

- But, actually, yeah, the dog. - Janine, give it a rest, okay?

We're in the middle of something here.

Yeah. We heistin'.

You ready?

- What? What does that... - Everyone.

Little afternoon entertainment.

Watch me do a front handspring step out,

roundoff, back handspring, roundoff, back-handspring, full twisting layout.

Keep your eyes peeled. You don't wanna miss this, okay?

All right.

Wait. Let me back up a little bit.

That's what it is. I gotta run into it.

Make sure you stay out the way, 'cause I don't wanna kick you.

You know what? Actually, never mind.

I totally forget I don't even know how to do that.

Carry on.

You'll never know what you don't like until you try it.

Oh.

No, no. No, no, no, no, no.

We have shrimp ceviche in watermelon cups.

Oh.

- Napkin. - Ah.

Food.

Smile.

Yes.

No, no, no.

No, I'm not eating this, okay?

I can't do this. I'm a freak, okay? I'm a freak.

- Sea urchin? - Are you crazy?

Why does RJ have to like a sport that's so exclusionary?

I know, and I wanna say a win is a win,

but I cannot help this feeling I have in my gut that something is off.

- What the hell? - What?

I'm doing this big-money truffle deal, and--

Truffle deal? What's a truffle deal?

Do you wanna listen to the story or be nosy?

- You said "truffle deal." I don't know-- - Look at this.

"We're giving back to communities in need.

A hole in one for diversity.

-#Inclusivity, #BlackLivesMatter"... - Facts.

..."#ThreeLeggedDog."

"Charity day."

I don't mind a little post to boost engagement, but we're not charity.

Oh, what the...

I love this golf course, because I can hang out with my friends...

I knew it. I knew it. I knew something was off.

I felt it in my gut.

And it wasn't my baselevel anxiety, 'cause it was a little bit to the left.

They were just playing us this whole time.

And they even got RJ.

Mm-mm-mmm.

Come on. Hey.

You're using us.

Oh, really? Just like you used us?

I'd say it's par for the course.

So you invited us here, stuffed us full of Arnold Palmers just to, what?

Make you look good for your white members?

You didn't have to drink the Arnold Palmers.

- That's not-- - How could you do that to the kids?

And to this poor three-legged dog.

Where'd you even steal him from, huh?

Please. He wandered onto the course about an hour ago

and we chose to let him live, which is against club policy.

- Come on. - Wandered onto the course?

He probably needs a home.

I could foster to adopt. Build a life together.

- Janine. - Yeah. Right, right.

We're gonna stop him.

- So cute though. - Janine.

Yes.

Come on!

I knew we couldn't trust him.

All the signs were there.

He has two first names. Who even has two first names?

- Uh... [scoffs] Gregory Eddie. - Oh, my God.

No. No, no, no. Let's not jump to conclusions.

Maybe Eddie is short for something... Edward.

Edward's a name too. Um...

Look, I just can't believe that they would stoop so low.

- Yeah, it's disgusting. - Mm-hmm.

What is that stuffed in your jacket?

Nothin'. What are ya? A cop? You pervert.

- What? - Don't look at me.

Exploiting the kids for a photo op? It's...

Yeah, it's just not right.

And more importantly, I can't be out here lookin' like a charity case.

Well, what can we even do?

I mean, they already got what they wanted, so...

We force them to make good on their promise.

I said no.

Ah, I know you must be starving.

Oh, thank God. Just butter and noodles.

Mm-hmm.

Gregory, have you always eaten like this?

You know what, no. When I was younger I had a very sophisticated palate.

Of course I always ate like this.

I grew up in a military family.

We only ate for efficiency.

Protein, carbs, vegetables.

All had a place, nothing ever touches, same thing every week.

Never got a chance to be exposed to anything new.

- Gregory. - Mmm.

Look at your plate.

Truffles.

But I don't like truffles.

- Have you ever tried truffles? - No, but I knew I wouldn't like them.

Well, you could have fooled me, 'cause you ate 'em.

- I did. - You did.

Feels nice to feel hope.

You have a second? Yeah, you do.

Huh. What's up?

So, since you like giving back so much, we got a proposition for ya.

I didn't say I like giving back so much.

- We want a free golf club. - Mm-hmm.

No, but you can buy a putter on sale for $300.

- That's-- - Not a club, a program, okay?

Here at Girard Creek for the students at Abbott.

And why would I do that?

Because I've seen some of my students light up here

in a way that I have never seen before.

Not hearing why we would do this.

Okay, well, it would be a huge tax break for the club.

Oh.

Yeah. Okay. All right. The magic words.

Psych!

We get plenty of tax breaks.

- Course you do. - Okay, you know what?

Let's just kick his ass.

- Gregory! He fights parents. - Mm-hmm.

Janine filled me in.

I've been waiting outside.

Are we good?

Oh. Okay, yeah. Add an assault charge while you're at it.

Yeah, we'll take the charge. Melissa, you hit him.

- Oh, I'll hit him, all right. - What is that? Whoa.

What about this? Does this look familiar, big guy?

Hey, my Alba white truffles.

No. No, don't hurt them.

I need them for the real grand opening next week.

Yeah, you showed your hand, you silly bitch.

Be a shame if something happened to 'em.

Yeah. Real shame.

Oh, yeah, and what would you even do with them?

Hey, hey, hey. Stop it.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No. Sir, please.

- Sir. Stop it. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. - What are you doing?

Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no, no!

- Stop, stop! No, stop! - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give in, or he will eat every last one of those.

Yeah.

Okay. All right. Okay, all right. Done deal. Done deal.

Aha!

Okay. There you go.

And what's in your Arnold Palmers?

I-I know it's lemonade, but there's something else, isn't there, huh?

Another ingredient?

How many Arnold Palmers have you had?

Seven... teen!

Tell me what's in 'em!

Come on. You're all right. You're all right.

- Pleasure doing business with you. - I wanna know. I wanna know.

Everybody all right?

Lemonade, a hundred percent, you know?

I know that's in there, but it's not a hundred percent of the drink. Right?

There's at least one other ingredient.

I ruled out Pepsi, 'cause it turns out it's not carbonated.

I was just blowing bubbles.

- Yo, what's up, RJ? - What's up?

Yo, bro, golf club's gonna be the move.

Do I have to be good?

Nah. Anybody can join. We're just having fun.

I'm in. I'm trying to get like you, RJ.

- You like a Black Tiger Woods. - Yeah.

Just let RJ have the moment. Just...

Jacob, you did a really good thing.

Yeah, this is really cool, man.

- RJ's finally got a place for him. - Mm-hmm.

And you made it happen, kid.

Um... I think if we check the tape,

we'll find that I did the heist and I found their IG page.

But, yeah, good stuff, Jacob.

It's amazing.

This was a very tough journey, but your hard work paid off.

- I'm really proud of you. - Mm-hmm.

I am so happy that RJ found his thing, but his issues don't end with a golf club.

And every student at this school has something going on, you know?

I hate that I don't have the bandwidth to give each of them that...

that kind of attention.

I wish I could, but...

You know, it's hard.

This petite gem lettuce and this sauce, I didn't know you could do that.

Yeah, that's salad dressing.

- Is that what that is? - Yep. Mm-hmm.

And this lamb osso buco in this blood is, um...

Well, now, that's a red wine reduction, not... not blood.

Red wine is good.

- It's very good, absolutely. - And these... these vegetables.

All the flavors are just, like, dancing around in my mouth.

Mm-hmm. Havin' a ball.

- Right? - Right.

- And these garlic mussels-- - Gregory, I can't eat this.

Oh, thank God. I was really trying.

Janine, I just like truffles.

Oh, yay.

Can we go get some of those?

We can talk about it.

- Okay. Yeah. - They're really expensive.

- Okay. Let's go. - Do we have to pay?

- We can pay on the way out, I think. - On the way out.