All language subtitles for Abbott Elementary 4x02 - Ringworm

Alright. And once again,
the school district requires

that uniforms be purchased

at O'Hare's Warehouse.

If your children show up
in a makeshift uniform

from a department store,

we're gonna
send them home.

What's the difference between
a blue shirt and khaki pants

from Filene's Basement
and O'Hare's?

One gets them sent home.

Was that not clear?
I'm sorry.
Right. Right.

Also, guys,
what did I say about

just shouting out
the question, alright?

Please have some decorum.
Damn.

But the PTA did
successfully get Abbott 30% off

for the rest of
the month,

so head there fast, people.

That's big.
Mm-hmm.

That's big, yeah.
Right?

That's cool.
We did that.

That's good, very good.
Mm-hmm.

You're welcome.

Alright, moving on.

We've received many emails

about the golf course
being built up the street

and what this means
for our kids.

Not just our kids--
what about our community?

You know they're trying to
price us out.

I don't want my daughter to have
to change schools next year.
No!

Can we stop it
from being built?

Yeah!
Uh-huh.

People, the golf course is
happening.

There's nothing
we can do about that.
Mnh-mnh.

Well, that's not true. You know,
I could pull a "Bagger Vance."

What?
See, I could cozy up
to whoever

their Matt Damon is.
Oh, God.

And it's like I'm teaching him
about golf,

but really,
I'm teaching him about life.

Mm. Just to add on to that,
that's a stupid idea.

Okay.
But to add on to that,

that is a really
good movie.

It's Will Smith's
best performance.

"Seven Pounds" is
sitting right there.

Are you kidding?
I like "Elf."

That's Will Ferrell.

Yeah, Jada's husband.
No.

Alright, so let's
get back on track.

I like "Wild Wild West."
I think that's his best movie.

We can move on now.

It is so good,
it has its own line dance.
Yeah.

No, no, you're thinking of
"Men in Black."
Unh-unh.

No.
Okay. Alright.

Wait, "Wild Wild West" has its
own line dance?

"Does it have its
own line dance?"

Well, alright.
Go, Barbara. Hey!

See, here we go.
Now y'all done got her started.

I literally-- I have a gavel.
I literally have a gavel.

Uh, yeah,
so, I got this gavel

specifically for the PTA
meetings, you know?

I wanted to be like, "Hey!"--
bang, bang, bang, bang--

"Meeting adjourned," you know?

But I have yet to use it

because, uh,
like most group functions

that take place
in a Philly school gym,

every PTA meeting ends
the exact same way.

Hey!

♪ When I roll into... ♪
♪ The Wild, Wild West ♪

♪ When I stroll into... ♪
♪ The Wild, Wild West ♪

♪ When I bounce into... ♪
♪ The Wild, Wild West ♪

Ah, ah!

♪ Sisqó, Sisqó ♪
♪ The Wild, Wild West ♪

♪ We're goin' straight to
the Wild, Wild West ♪
♪ The Wild, Wild West ♪

♪ Now, now, now, now,
once upon a time in the West ♪

♪ A madman lost his damn mind
in the West ♪

The US Constitution
established the framework

for our government
and included the Bill of Rights.

But have you guys
ever heard of Draco?

The wizard or the rapper?

Well, maybe the best way
to describe him

is through a little rap
of my own.

Fine. Fine.

He created

the Draconian constitution,

and he wrote
a harsh legal code

that doled out one-size-fits-all
punishments to establish order.

That sounds like my mom.

Okay. We will pick this up
next time.

Make sure you finish
reading that chapter.

Hey, Brandon,
why are you scratching?

He dirty.

No.

What do you have
on your arm?

Oh.

I'm so excited
for our double feature tonight.

I was--
Ooh! Movie night.

Care for a third wheel?

Oh, it's a Jegory thing?

Don't want to make it
a Jegoracob party?

No. Your call.

What are you gonna watch?

"Dune"
followed by "Friday."

Yes.
I've seen "Dune: Two"

and "Friday After Next."

Now it's time
to see the prequels.

Mm. Oh, actually, uh,

speaking of big worms--

and trigger warning,
hashtag gross--

one of my students in
the first period has ringworm.

Welp.
There he goes!

Chin up, Janine. He lasted
longer with you than I thought.

Whoever's in charge
of sanitizing this place

needs to be fired.

A kid has ringworm.

Ringworm?!

Jacob, come here.
Yeah.

Nope. Get back.

How do you know
it's ringworm?

Did you touch it?

Of course not. But it was
clearly an itchy red ring.

And the nurse
isn't here this week,

so I just sent him home
and sanitized every surface.

That's not enough.

Jacob, ringworm

is an elementary school's...
...worst enemy.

Maybe you can keep those older
kids from touching each other,

but if...
...one of the little
kids get it...

...all of them get it.

One... two... three...

Banana!
Kindness!

Thank God.

Last time ringworm
broke out,

we lost half the staff
and students, too,

for a week.
Mm-hmm.

This is horrible.

Oh, yeah, well,
this is worse than horrible.

I got a date this weekend,
Jacob.

Did you ever stop
to think of that?

And the guy's got
a hot tub.

In-ground!

What's the relevance
of that?

I can't with this virgin.

I had ringworm once.

My second year of
teaching.

Ugh, it was awful.

But thank God
I've got immunity now.

Barb, you can't get immunity
from ringworm.

Maybe you can't...

but I did.

Look, circling back to
how I did nothing wrong here,

I went beyond
district policy.

I sent him home before
the end of the day.

Okay, well, I have a plan
that will guarantee

that the ringworm
doesn't spread.

I also have a plan.
Okay.

First step--
contain the spread

by keeping certain
special students separated.

Isolate the contaminated.
Alright.

We're going to monitor
student behavior...

Perform ruthless
surveillance.

And we'll want to do
individual-based learning.

Put them in solitary
confinement.

Um, that sounds intense.

Yes, it really does.

Okay, look, there's nothing
to worry about here, guys.

It's been handled.
We're fine.

Well, it better be
handled, Jacob.

A hot tub.

In-[bleep]-ground!

Hey. What's up?

Are you gonna open
the door?

Have you washed
your hands recently?

I'm gonna need a verbal
yes.
Gregory!

Why are you so freaked out
by this?

I mean,
you teach first grade.

It's not exactly
a germ-free zone.

This is a fungus, Janine.

It's a whole ecosystem.

Fungi are like sharks, okay?

They're beautiful,
elegant,

but something
to be respected,

nay, feared.

Honestly, you're weird
if you don't agree.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Okay.

So, this isn't a totally
surprising side of Gregory,

but it is a bit of a new layer
that I haven't seen before.

He really hates ringworm

maybe even more than pizza.

But we all have our quirks.

I'd really be way more concerned
if he loved ringworm,

'cause I don't think
I can get past that.

And he shouldn't ask me to.

Ah.

There ya go.
See, one of my quirks

is getting carried away with my
own hypotheticals, so...

Brandon, what are
you doing back at school?

I sent you home.
Wait here, kids.

I tried to go home,
but my mom sent me back.

"Dear Mr. Hill,
I know that's wrong.

According to
the district's website,

my child doesn't have
to be sent home

until the end of the day.

I'm not the one,
or the two,

so please send my child home
at three.

Try Jesus, don't try me,
Patricia."

Is this a riddle?

It means I'm here
till the end of the day.

But I kinda wanted to come
back anyway.

I let JoJo borrow my Switch,
and he still has it.

Okay,
well, that's-- that's--

that's discouraging.

Troublesome, actually.

Okay, so you tellin' me
you let some other kid

touch your
contaminated game?

Yeah, but to be fair,
we all pass it around class

while we're supposed
to be listening to Mr. C.

Okay, this is bad, Jacob.

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
Come on, kids.

Charlie's finished!
Oh. Oh!

That actually looks a lot
like you, so good job,

but maybe some beige, right?

Add some color to it.

Certainly got a lot of those
unused.

Hey, Janine?
Yeah?

The ringworm kid is back
in school.

It's time to put your plan
into place.

I have been waiting for
this moment my entire life.

All hands on deck.

Okay, I'll tell Ava.

I'm already on it.

Ava, I thought you said you
were gonna stop listening in

on our classrooms.

I'm a known liar.

Let's go to work.

Alright, Mr. Johnson, we need
you to stand here 24/7.

And block this floor

by any means necessary.

Oh, I got you.

Nothing's getting past me.

No one's getting past me.

Alright, well, as you can see,
our plan is now in place.

Now, we can trust the older kids
not to touch each other,

but the littles-- no.

So, just to be safe,

the second floor is
now completely sealed off

from the first floor.

And if all goes well,

we'll never see
those upstairs people again.

All kids' hands must be
washed at all times.

No going upstairs
or downstairs allowed.

No group activities.

No recess. No gym.
No library.

And no using
the bathroom.

Unless they're
supervised.

Well, see,
that's where we differ.

I say pee where you stand.

And I say please don't.

This is
a complete overreaction.

The upper floors
can't go to the library?

Jacob, you're just mad
that you're stuck

on the second floor
with patient zero.

Okay. You know...

I love you like a son, Jacob,
but I will beat you down.

Jacob,
if it gets down here,

everyone will be
infected.

We have to protect
the entire school.

This is not fair,

and it is certainly no way
to educate.

You're being real cavalier
right now.

Maybe you're infected and
that's the ringworm talking?

Yeah, when's the last time
you washed your legs?

I do not have ringworm.

Okay,
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

No one's home.

Gregory left!

Okay.

Enough of that.

Hey.
Hey.

Hi.
Hi.

So, you know,
we sealed off the second floor.

You don't have to do this.

Do what?

Well...

Where did you get
that turtleneck?

Oh, it was in my drawer.

Why do you keep
a turtleneck in your drawer?

I don't know,
just for times like this.

So, what-- you're just
gonna stay in here?

Pretty much, yeah.

Alright, so...

Are we not going to do our
double feature tonight or...?

I would say, for now,

in light of recent news,
it's TBD.

TBD?
It means
"to be determined."

I know what it means,
Gregory.
Okay.

Okay, then.

See ya.

These doors don't have
double locks.

I installed the locks myself.

Look, I'm not crazy,
I'm pragmatic.

Why am I so far away?

Why are you so close?

Hey!

Where are you coming from?
The lounge.

Had to replenish my coffee
for the mid-afternoon slump.

Yeah, Mr. Johnson was
supposed to be blocking access.

You'd be surprised
what he's willing to do

for a wildberry
fruit strip.

Ugh!
Mmm!

Okay, so not only
are you putting

all the rest of us at risk,

but you're also blowing
your personal goal

of switching over to tea.

It's just not realistic.

Look, I made it through
the outbreaks

of '02, '07, and '11

with hardly an itch.

I'm telling you,
I'm immune.

God protects me.

So God protects you,
but not the kids.

Something I brought up
with Him many times.

What if I don't believe
in God?

I didn't mean that--
I do, especially when I fly.

I'm just saying, why don't
we leave God out of this?

Just 'cause
I'm trying to make a point,

but we'll check in later.

Listen, I'm glad you're safe
with your God,

but some of us
are trying to get into

some heavy sinning
this weekend...
Oh.

...so, please, no more ups

and absolutely
no more downs, right?

In nomine Patris et Filii
et Spiritus Sancti.
Mm.

The thing about teaching here
as long as I have

is I've had everything--

ringworm, chickenpox,
mad cow,

sad cow, red cow, blue cow.

Mm!

♪ Freedom ♪

Yeah, it upsets me that people
aren't taking this seriously,

because I think what
people fail to get

is that this hot tub
is in the ground, okay?

It's not a Costco operation.

The guy called a contractor,

he came to the house,
he dug a hole.

A contractor!

And so a constitution
is fundamentally

how we coexist together, okay?

Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Where are you running off to?

Let's all-- Let's--
Let's stay here, you know?

Chop it up a bit.

Have a hang.
Chill.

But it's time for recess.

Yeah, that's what's, so, um,
fire...

Fire?

...is we get to skip
recess today.

Get to?
It might just be safer

for everyone
if we all stay here

until matters calm down,
rash-wise.

So you're
trapping us in here?

"Trapping"
is a strong word.

But accurate.
Yes, you're trapped.

Guys, this is--

this is apparently
for the greater good.

This is good.

This is ass.

- Yeah.
- Really.

- Right.
- Mm-hmm.

They're right.

And you know why they're right?

Because I taught them
to question the system

and to speak truth to power.

And the truth is...

yeah, this is ass.

God, why am I such
a good teacher?

Hello? The Atlantic?

This message is for whomsoever
is in charge of great stories.

I've got a hot one--
local hero principal

saves downtrodden school
from outbreak.

Possible headline--

"Ava Coleman Runs Rings
Around Worm."

Unh-unh.

Ms. Lawry said
if it happened again,

I'd have to come here.

It happened again.

I don't care.
Get out. Get out. Get out.

Attention, teachers--

no child is to be sent
to the principal's office today.

Kids, if you want to do crime,
now's the time.

Happy Purge day, y'all!

Mr. Johnson, bring
every disinfectant under the sun

to my office immediately.

Mr. Johnson?

Are you sleeping
standing up again?

Hey!

No,
George Washington Carver.

I invented
peanut butter.

I'm done with the chapter.
Can I go use the bathroom?

Sorry, you're not allowed
to leave unsupervised.

And I can't leave
the class right now.

Look, I don't like it either,

but you don't understand
the kind of pressure I'm under.

You don't understand
the kind of pressure

my bladder's under.

But I promise, I'll go to the
bathroom and be right back.

What am I gonna do, sneak off
and learn something new?

Certainly not if you stumble
into Morton's class.

I'm not trash-talking Morton
with you right now.

Why not?

Because you're being
worse than Morton.

You're being draconian.

Okay, go to
the bathroom.
Thank you.

Living organisms,
tiny, little creatures

crawling
all over your body,

thriving in moist areas, so...

What just happened?

That hoodie.

Gio, were you wearing
that hoodie this morning?

No.

Where'd it come from?
My brother gave it
to me.

I was cold.

When?

Just now.

Gio, remember when we said

no one could leave
the classroom?

Yeah, that's why
I texted him

to bring it to me.

Bring it to you
from where?

What floor
is your brother on?

Mr. Eddie, my arm itches.

The fungi are here.

They're here!

Attention! Protocol
has been broken, y'all.

I repeat, protocol has been
broken, y'all.

The perimeter has been
breached.

The infection
has jumped floors,

and it's now spreading.

We are in full lockdown.

I am currently reviewing
the tapes to see

which teacher or janitor
is to blame.

You just went to
the bathroom, right?

Nowhere else?
Yeah.

Oh, thank goodness.

But on the way,

I stopped by the first floor
real quick

just to drop off
my hoodie to my brother.

He was cold.
What?!

And then I returned a book
to the library,

dapped up Mrs. Howard,

and grabbed a drink
from the teachers' lounge.

But I swear that's it.

You were just supposed to
go to the bathroom.

You know what's so funny?

I actually
forgot to go to the bathroom.

Can I go to
the bathroom now?

How on earth
could this happen?

My plan was airtight!

Apparently not.

Barbara's been breaking
protocol!
Barb.

I thought your people
don't snitch.

Then why are
all my uncles in jail, huh?

Look, it wasn't Barbara, okay?

Somehow,
one of my kids ended up

with a tainted hoodie
from upstairs.

Somehow? You--
I'm sorry!

Okay, it is-- it's--
guys, it's possible

that I definitely let
one of my kids

go to the bathroom and--

Oh, come on!
Do you just hate me?

I worked so hard
on this.

I shaved above the knee,
Jacob. Above the knee!

That was so irresponsible.
Oh, yeah?

Well, apparently, he had time
to also dap you up, so...

And I him,
but I am immune.

Cancel classes
and shut Abbott down!
Oh!

This is going to wreak
the worst havoc on this school.

I guess it's every man, woman,
and flawless principal

for themselves.

Send all the kids
back to their homerooms.

I'll be in my bunker.

I ate all your bunker snacks,
by the way.

You don't know
where my bunker is.

Well, I ate
something from somewhere, buddy.

Hey, guys, this isn't cool.

Don't make Brandon sit
in the corner.

No, I moved over here.

I don't want to
give everybody ringworm.

Look, you don't have to
punish yourself for this, okay?

It's not a punishment.

I would have stayed home
if I could have,

but I can't, so, for now,

I'm just gonna sit here
and play my Switch.

Wish you wouldn't do that
while I'm teaching.

I wish you wouldn't teach
while I'm playing.

But here we are.

I'm just trying to look out
for everybody else.

That is what we should be doing.

Sacrificing
for the greater good.

God
I am such a good teacher

that he taught me something,
you know?

Everyone, come out!

Everyone?

Oh, sorry.
Why do we keep interacting?

This could have been an email.
A nice, sterile email.

You better be down here
with some good news.

Nope, nope. The day just keeps
getting worse.
Or not.

I've already submitted
this to The Atlantic,

so if it gets worse,

it's actually better for me
story-wise.

Look, I know--
I know I fumbled earlier,

and I realized now that I was
wrong and you were right.

So, I think we need to take
all of the exposed kids

and put them in a combined
isolation class in the gym

until the end of the day.

Hm, yeah.
I mean, that's a good idea,

but who's gonna go in there
and watch 'em, 'cause...

I will.

Unless...

Anyone else?

Well, worth the ask.

I wanted to do it anyway.

Godspeed, brother.

And, Gregory,
I'll take your gear.

The hell you will.

Well, then it's settled.

I'll be a hero.

Okay. Bye.

You got this.

Okay.

Damn, he is so brave.

Better him than me.

Might as well be you.
You guys live together.

Son of a bitch!

Lord, this day.

Mm! I can feel
the strength of God

just tingling
through my body.

Tingling?
Yes. Like little angels

dancing on my skin.

Why, look, God has blessed me
with a little red halo.

Barb,
you have ringworm.

Yes, I do.
Oh, God.

Barb, I mean, we-- we could--
we could just tell Jacob,

you can go watch the kids.

Unfortunately, that is not
God's plan for me.

Have a nice day.

Wh--

I think God wants
me to leave, too.

No! Ava?

Oh, no.

I ran this ship
into an iceberg,

and so down with it
I shall go.

Hopefully-- Hopefully,
no one touches me.

Really appreciate you,
Mr. C.

You're a real one.

Thank you.

Bye, Mr. Eddie!

Whoa, oh!
Alright, sweetie.

Have a good night,
and wash your hands!

Alright.

So, movie night in
four to ten days, huh?

It's not so bad, right?

We can still FaceTime.

Yeah. Okay.

Bye, girls.

Alright.

So...

What movie are we
watching first?

Um, okay,
what about "Dune"?

Uh, or "Friday"?
One of 'em, I don't know.

I'll-- I'll watch all of them
with you. I don't care.

Okay. Well,
we have the weekend.

I got ringworm.
It was as horrible as I thought.
But we got it together.

And look, we even
have matching rings, so...

No, no, it's not as cute
as you think.

The trick is,
if you always have ringworm,

you never catch it.

Take that how you wanna.

Yeah, caught it,

but turns out Jacuzzi guy
got evicted that morning

for having an in-ground hot tub
in violation of his HOA rules.

I said we should go to dinner,

and he said that would be
a violation of his parole.

So I just stayed home
and itched.

I realize now
that God was just testing me,

and now he is testing
the whole church choir.

Ha!

But you
should see Jacob. Oh.

Apparently, you can't really

get it this bad, but...

I guess I'm a medical marvel.

I didn't get ringworm,

but I did get a tapeworm.

Seafood restaurant
next to the gas station.

Got it. Passed it. Worth it.