Original subtitles

Bird-Zero-One, you're tracking well.

Request you correct to Two-Niner-Nancy at Checkpoint Alpha.

I copy, Katiana. Correct to Two-Niner-Nancy at Checkpoint Alpha.

Uh, Shotgun, pardon my thinking,

but that's not exactly our neighborhood.

Bird-Zero-One to Bird-Zero-Two,

just do what the man said.

Spoken like a true milkman, Captain Shotgun.

Bird-Zero-One, Bird-Zero-Two,

approaching checkpoint Alpha.

Execute 40-degree turn.

Roger, Shotgun. Executing 4-0 degree turn.

Radar's clear. No aircraft in sector.

Now you're talking my language, Shotgun.

Yo! Ah!

Highly suggest you get out of autopilot and start pulling some Gs here.

I think I know my way around the cockpit, Decarlo.

Wahoo!

Come on, Decarlo, that all you've got?

See if the Great Boy can hit a moving target.

Any time.

There isn't a barn big enough

that you can hide behind.

Oh, very smart.

Ho ho. I'm on your six, buddy.

You want regular or premium?

Hold still.

You're mine.

You're mine, buddy.

Just take it like a man.

Come on.

Hah!

Hold still.

Hold still.

That's a negative.

Where the hell did you go?

Better check your six, Decarlo. I got you.

Smile.

Smile.

Guns! Guns! Guns! Guns! Guns!

You're dead, Decarlo.

Yeah.

You got lucky, that's all.

Yeah. Right.

The harder I work, the luckier I get.

What the hell's going on?

Well, well, well. Get out the cards.

Looks like we got enough for a poker game.

Katiana Control, Bird-Zero-One.

Katiana Control, Bird-Zero-One. Over.

Read you, Bird-Zero-One.

We're being pursued by hostile aircraft.

Request orders. Over.

Do not engage. Repeat. Do not engage.

Maintain course.

Roger.

Man, I hate that noise.

Bird-Zero-One, Bird-Zero-Two,

hold your course, Bearing 2-3 off Checkpoint Baker.

Come on, Shotgun, let's do something.

Bird-Zero-One...

We have a good signature on it. Continue to maintain.

Roger.

Doesn't look like these guys are screwing around, does it?

Steady, Snake.

Shotgun, I don't like the feel of this.

These guys are serious. They're getting close.

Steady.

Snake's going ballistic.

Bird-Zero-One, do not engage.

Repeat. Do not engage. Maintain--

That's a negative, Decarlo!

Come on, Shotgun, let's fire some ordnance on these guys.

Maintain wing to wing!

We're over international waters. They won't attack.

Shotgun, you better be right,

'cause there's one coming up on our six.

Whoa!

Jeez!

Look at that crazy son of a bitch!

Let's go home, Snake.

I know you'd like nothing more

than to blow those assholes out of the sky.

I think I can explain.

They would like nothing more than to provoke an international incident.

I mean, anything to fuel their propaganda war.

Sir--

Our job is to deny them that opportunity.

That mirage came six inches from shearing off my wing tip.

Decarlo, I don't care if the guy came,

knocked on your door,

and asked to take your sister

to a convention of Hell's Angels.

Until he actually opens fire,

we're to avoid any provocative action or reaction.

Captain Watkins, would you please explain

to Captain Decarlo how we do things here.

By the book, sir.

By the book.

Are we on the same frequency?

Yes, sir.

That's good.

Now get your sorry face out of my sight.

This needs your attention.

Not you, Captain Watkins.

Sir?

Convention of Hell's Angels.

Public affairs needs a pilot

to serve as the technical adviser on a movie.

Look, you're the only flier I've got on this base

that I know won't embarrass the squadron.

Sounds like a ground assignment, sir.

Report to Major Goode in the PA's office.

Major?

Anything wrong, Captain?

No, sir.

Dismissed.

And here it is!

All right, sweetheart-- excuse me-- Major.

This is authorization from the highest level.

Whoa! You've got a lot of legs there.

Go ahead. Read it. Read it.

All right.

Paul Watkins?

Paul Watkins.

Good old Paul Watkins. Who the hell is he?

I don't know, but you help us on this,

it could be big for you. I'm serious about that. Really, really big.

Okay?

-Come in. -Come in.

-Sorry. -Major?

You wanted to see me?

Yes, Captain Watkins.

I'd like you to meet Mitchell Burton.

How you doing, kid?

I'm Tom Slade's personal manager.

How you doing?

-Fine. -Good.

Tom Slade?

Tom Slade, the actor.

Well, let's not push it.

But, I mean, it's Tom Slade, the star.

The sensation.

Hello?

Are you, uh--Silent but Deadly?

"D" for Danger? Lightning Strikes?

Lightning Strikes Again?

-Oh, these are movies. -Movies. Right.

I've seen that one, I think.

You think? That's good.

Yes.

There's-- wait.

Let me-- Let me tell you.

He is perfect.

Yes, it's a cute haircut.

You know, he's absolutely perfect.

You want to know why?

Because Tom wants somebody that's not a Hollywood type.

See? Look at him standing there. I mean, come on.

Hold it.

Ever see one of these things? Yowee!

Hello. Tommy! Tom.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Let me talk to you.

Can you hold on one second?

We got dinner tonight at00? 1800, 1900?

What? I never can--

Military things. It's so--

Yeah? No!

Let me tell you something.

No. I mean, this--

I'm talking-- you're going to love this

'cause I'm talking serious reality here.

Yeah. Okay. Sure.

Let me explain it to you, all right? Uh-huh.

What the hell was that?

Tom Slade's starring as a fighter pilot in his movie.

You're going to show him the ropes.

I'm not a babysitter, Lauren.

What's this really about?

I thought you'd be thrilled.

You seem thrilled enough for both of us.

Can I get out of this?

It's just two weeks.

Yeah, but I should be flying for those weeks.

Please don't make me pull rank.

I would never do that...

Major.

Actually I'm very flattered that you, uh,

chose me for this assignment.

Hold it, Mister.

I didn't ask for you to be assigned to this detail.

As usual, someone upstairs

is under the false impression that you're qualified.

-Yeah? -As a pilot.

You'll meet Slade at dinner tonight.

And after dinner?

Paul...

We've been all over this.

We had fun back at Subic,

but I can't do that anymore.

I've got to be realistic.

All right, Captain?

Is that an order?

Let's just say it's against regulations.

My regulations.

Yes, sir.

Major.

Lauren, I hate this already.

Read it this afternoon.

We have dinner with Slade in the mess hall at 1800.

Dismissed.

Luckily, the truck that hit him was a bloodmobile.

He's late, isn't he?

Maybe he won't show.

Hey! Hey, Shotgun.

Heard you guys had a close call today.

Missed us by at least six inches.

Yeah? That means your dick had five inches to spare.

Oh!

That's Tom Slade.

Can't believe it.

Hah... that's him.

How you doing?

Oh, I'm a big fan of yours.

That's good.

Oh, hi...

No, no. That's all right, honey.

That's, uh--

He's a good kid, isn't he?

All right.

We'll be glad to sign autographs.

Bring them over to the table after dinner, all right?

All right. Here we go.

How you doing, my friend?

Tom, this is the man I was telling you about--

Captain Paul Watkins.

Captain, meet Tom Slade.

I don't believe we've met, have we?

Tom Slade.

Captain Paul Watkins. Nice to meet you.

Eddie Decarlo.

They call me the Snake.

I want to say I'm a big fan of yours.

That one,Silent but Deadly,

that's one of the all-time--

Hang on a second. Watch this.

Your lunch is ready, sir.

Pfft!

How do you guys come up with scenes like that?

We pay screenwriters.

Does everyone want to sit down?

Come on, honey. Everybody sit.

Sit down.

Could I get you something to eat?

What do you want? I'll surprise you.

That's a good idea. I need a chair.

Honey, can I use this? Do you mind?

Nice haircut.

All right. Here we go.

We're all sitting down.

This is good. This is real good. It's good.

Captain Watkins was top of his class at the academy,

then fighter weapons school at Nellis,

then Edwards, where he--

Paul-- can I call you Paul?

Of course. He's Paul.

Paul.

I'm very excited about this part.

You see, I want to get under the skin

of the fighter jock mentality.

You know, the machismo,

the war ethos,

mixing it up in a dogfight at 20,000 feet,

putting your life on the line every day.

You know what I mean.

Mm-hmm.

I'm thinking it must require such incredible dedication,

such intense concentration.

That's what I need to get a handle on.

You know, acting

involves a lot of self-sacrfice, too.

You have to triumph over your own ego

to do the job right.

-There's lots-- -Mr. Slade.

Tom.

Okay, Tom,

you're not allowed to smoke indoors.

Regulations.

Mitch...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh, listen. Do you have that script?

Have you had a chance to--

Have you had a chance to read it at all?

Yes. Yes, I have.

So what'd you think?

Well, there are a few technical inaccuracies,

little problems, really.

But overall, what did you think overall?

Um, who cares what I think?

I'm not a critic, really.

Mitch, correct me if I'm wrong,

but everyone is a critic.

Everyone--

Everyone.

Okay.

Well, you know, in the last scene,

a MiG is hit.

Your hero plays with a heat-seeker, right?

His body's riddled with bullets,

the plane is going down,

and, you know, the eject lever isn't working.

Listen to what this guy says.

"I'm not going to make it.

I'm going down.

Tell the boys not to worry about me.

I'll be flying higher than I ever flew before...

straight into the sun."

That's John Wayne.

Are you suggesting it's not that realistic?

It's supposed to have a, you know, mythic quality.

Mythic quality.

I don't think Captain Watkins is suggesting--

What would you say then?

I guess-- I guess it's okay for your movie.

No, what would you say?

If I was going to die, and my jet's going down?

Something more like, uh...

Oh, shit. Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Right.

Captain...

Pardon me, Major.

No. I like that. I like that.

Pencil that in, Mitch.

Pencil that in.

Shit, shit, shit? You want me to pencil in "Shit, shit, shit"?

-Yeah. -Okay. Got it.

Excuse me.

Wasn't sure what you wanted.

I got a little of everything.

Thank you, Captain.

Yeah. Sure.

Well...

Where was I? Uh, Tommy...

When he prepared for Flames of Fury,

he rode the fire truck for how long?

Three months.

Three months.

See, I deal in experiences.

I find that thorough research

and finding the right role model is the key.

Oh, yeah.

Do you know what? We should get going.

Shall we go, General? Mm-hmm.

I'll lead the way. Here we go.

Paul, it's going to be great working with you.

Oh... Regulations.

Should be an experience.

Three months.

I've seen all his movies.

I like him. Low-key but with quiet intensity.

He's a lot younger than I expected.

It's exactly what I expected.

Fuck him.

Fuck him.

Just fuck him!

Right. Hold on.

-Morning, Captain. -Morning, sir.

Listen...

I just want to say what he's going to say to you.

No. No. Let that little prick do what he wants.

Hold on.

We really should be going, sir.

I'm going to have to call you back.

No, you're right. Fuck him!

Right. Bye, Mom. Kiss, kiss.

My mom.

Ah, dear.

You know...

I got to ask you a favor

about, uh, Tommy.

I know he's hard to take at times.

But he can be a real sweetheart.

You'll learn to love him.

I don't want him to do anything too stupid.

Know what I mean?

I understand.

You're beautiful! I love you.

Hey, come on. It's a figure of speech, all right?

Hey, coming to our party tonight?

Yes.

Got anything else to wear besides this stuff?

I mean something alive, bright.

Ah...

You look... Oh.

Allow me.

Get up!

The only thing that works.

Good morning.

What time is it?

0800.

0800? You guys really talk like that?

Yes.

Give me a sec.

Yeah, but--

We fly cover for the whole Mediterranean from here.

That's South Europe, North Africa,

and the Persian Gulf.

We fly the F-16 Falcon,

which faded out the old F-4 Phantom.

Morning, sir!

Wait. Wait. Hold it.

-How'd you do that? -What?

The salute-- is there something special about the number

like air force versus army?

-Salute. -Just salute.

Okay. I'm getting it. I'm feeling it.

-Congratulations. -Thanks.

What's it like sitting in an F-14?

16.

16-- whatever. I'm not good with numbers.

Can we do this?

Tom, that's not so easy.

Here it comes.

All right, baby. Come on.

Let's go.

I got you. Come on here.

Not bad.

Not bad? He's doing great.

I've never seen anybody get the hang of this so quickly.

Don't get carried away. Lucky shot.

Yeah? Let's see what he can do.

Come on. Come on, baby.

Got to bring some to get some.

Throw me a curve now, huh?

All right. Got it!

I don't believe it.

Whoo!

I've always had extremely good hand-eye coordination.

Flying these airplanes is a lot like a video game.

There's more to it than that.

What I need to do is fly,

get up there and see what it's really like.

They'll never give you authorization to do that.

Right.

We're about to see the debriefing room and flight control.

That's the F-14.

F-18.

Stealth...

Fighter.

Good morning, Mr. Slade.

You guys going up today?

Uh, just a routine milk run.

We'll miss you up there, Captain Shotgun.

Keep your hand on the stick.

Hey, your collar, Wolf.

Fix your collar, Wolf.

Gentlemen, don't forget the fighter pilot's code--

When in doubt, whip it out.

Take it easy up there, men.

Take it easy up there, men.

Easy up there, men.

Shotgun.

That was good, but we don't salute indoors.

Can't do much indoors, huh?

The patter, that's pretty common among pilots?

It must release tension, stand on defense like that, locking horns all the time.

The manly banter, the double entendres.

All the stuff about penises.

I can use it. I can use it.

Let's look at this.

It's called the altitude chamber.

Good morning, Sergeant.

Well, hello.

It's a pleasure.

The sergeant can lower the air pressure and oxygen content

to simulate the environment while flying.

You're a powerful young lady.

You have no idea.

Uh, the danger is hypoxia.

Oxygen deprivation, lightheadedness, disorientation.

Sounds, uh, exciting.

It can be.

It kills pilots.

Well, can we give it a shot?

You sure you want to do this, now?

Yeah. Be good experience for the role.

Okay. She's lowering the oxygen level

to what we'd be breathing at 35,000 feet.

What's this?

It's called a hypoxia worksheet.

Simple questions. If you can't answer them,

it indicates you're starting to be affected.

Take a hit off the oxygen mask.

Most people can't last a minute over 20,000 feet.

Besides lightheadedness,

the other symptoms are giddiness, euphoria,

visual fixations.

It's like being drunk.

Be careful. They come up fast.

Uh, Sergeant, uh...

You starting to feel it yet?

No.

The body starts to release pent-up gases

at this pressure.

I'll say.

Who squeezed cheese?

All right. "What's your mother's name?"

Myra. That's a simple one.

"How many two-cent stamps in a dozen?"

Twelve.

No fair. You've done this before.

"If a rooster lays three eggs in an hour,

how many does it lay in a day?"

48. 72.

Roosters don't lay eggs, dummy.

That's funny, Slade.

You're not feeling anything?

Nothing? Nothing, huh?

Is it supposed to have started?

Hmm. Mmm...

Mmm...

What are you humming?

Captain. Captain, take the oxygen.

Excuse me.

Mr. Slade, must you watch everything?

This is fabulous.

The amazing thing is,

these are the kennels.

You're acrobats in a circus. Really?

You've got beautiful tents.

Oh, I like your tents.

Cocktails.

Did I tell you that I fly jets for a living?

Why did he invite us here?

Maybe he's just a nice guy.

Oh, so you like him now.

Who wouldn't?

Besides, what do you care?

What do you mean, Lauren?

Nothing's changed, Paul.

What needs to change?

Your priorities.

There are only three things

that are important to you.

Your planes, your buddies, your planes.

I don't play third string.

Lauren. Paul.

-So glad you could make it. -Hi.

Didn't think I was going to kiss you, did you, Paul?

Let me get a look at you two, huh? You look great.

I guess all this merrymaking

must seem like a big waste of time.

I'm sure you got more important things on your mind.

She looks ready to dance. Shall we?

Absolutely.

You're too uptight.

You need to learn how to relax.

I mean, remember the fighter pilot's code.

Screw the rules.

There are more important things in life.

You know what it is that really gets me about Slade?

He's good at everything.

He doesn't even have to try.

I'm so pissed.

Hey, what do you say we get out of here, huh?

Uh...

Hey, have you seen Lauren?

That was a wonderful party.

-Thank you. -I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Grazie. Buona sera.

Prego.

People like Slade should be set on fire.

I can't even hate the guy

because he doesn't know how much of an asshole he is.

I'd love to see him lose once.

How do you say, uh... thank you?

Grazie.

Thanks.

So, how are you and Paul getting along?

Great. I mean, uh...

The guy's no intellectual heavyweight,

but I'm learning a lot.

It's so refreshing to be with someone

who's obviously never been in therapy.

Maybe I'd better go.

I have to get some sleep.

Well, it's late, and I...

Oh, Tom,

this is not a good idea.

I...

I've really got to go.

I have to go.

Oh, boy.

Hey, what's going on here?

What is this?

Turn it off, man.

All right, everybody out. Come on.

Take it easy.

I think I know what the problem is.

Hey, what's going on, Shotgun?

Relax. I got it. I got it.

Oh. Actor boy.

Probably smoking in bed.

Mr. Slade. You've been smoking in bed--

I got it. Oh!

Sorry about that.

Don't go yet.

I have to.

Oh, boy.

Just a little smoke. No problem.

Getting hot in here.

Good night.

Yeah, it was a false alarm.

Oh, Paul.

You're early, aren't you?

0800 already?

Okay. Give me a sec.

Hey, Shotgun. Check it out.

Got my silver bars.

What's that mean?

Promotion to lieutenant.

You put them on me.

-Now? -For luck.

Okay.

Congratulations, Lieutenant.

Thanks, Shotgun.

This nickname of yours--

Call sign.

Right. Shotgun. What does that mean?

Nothing. Just, uh, all pilots have them.

What I mean is,

does it have a sexual connotation?

Are you just a really good shot?

Do you have a bad temper? What is it?

No. It's nothing like that.

Well, Paul, I think I'm starting to feel my way

into this character.

When he's in his plane,

he's king of the mountain, top dog.

But on the ground, he's repressed, a lame-o.

Listen, Mr. Slade--

Tom.

I set up some combat films for you.

You'll find them very interesting.

Actually, I thought I ought to experience

more of the routine.

You know, pilot for a day.

I want the reality, the existential qualities.

I think that can be arranged, Tom.

No, no, no. Marine-style, Tom.

What does that mean?

Clap your hands between each push-up.

All right.

Behind your head.

What?

It's the way pilots do it, Tom. Make the effort.

Give it a try. Go ahead.

You want to be a pilot.

Captain Watkins!

Give me a moment, Tom, okay?

Keep trying.

What is this, Captain?

We're almost done, Major.

Next I'll show him how to endure interrogation

behind enemy lines.

-You know, the electrodes-- -What are you doing?

What were you doing, Lauren?

I don't have to explain myself to you.

Of course not. How often will you get a chance

to sleep with a movie star?

I'm not going to talk about this.

I came to tell you Slade somehow got authorization to fly.

Slade in a jet isn't a good idea.

Well, I think I'm getting it.

Hey, Lauren. How you doing?

Good news, Tom, old pal.

Looks like we're going flying.

That's what I've been waiting for!

I just have to work out a few things.

Look, Lauren, I can count on you, right, honey?

I'll check with flight operations.

She's a beautiful individual.

What a pleasure to work with, huh?

Hey, Paul,

I'm picking up negative vibes today.

Is something bothering you?

What gave you that idea, Tom?

I'm good at reading people.

I wish you'd level with me, share some things.

Tom,

I think we're sharing plenty, okay?

Come on, Snake. Let's go.

You're in for a hell of a ride today.

Let me ask you-- why do they call him Shotgun?

You about ready there, Tom?

30. Let's do it, Snake.

Don't puke in your oxygen mask.

That's the fighter pilot's code.

What's that for?

Never know, Tom.

Don't worry. I'll bring him back in one piece.

I was out of line.

Your life is your business.

I probably would've done the same thing.

Paul, nothing happened.

Hey, leave it to Shotgun, huh, Mr. Slade?

It's okay, Major.

It's a beauty, huh?

Oh, boy. You're going to love this, Mr. Slade.

Back seat. Back seat.

Forgot your helmet, Mr. Slade.

Thank you.

G-suit on the left, oxygen on the right.

Gum?

Sugarless?

Keeps your ears from exploding.

Cool.

Strap in.

Bird-Zero-One, taxi into position

on 2-3 right.

Maintain position B-number-one for takeoff.

Climb and maintain 2-5,000 feet.

Do not exceed 550 knots, 1-2-1-2-5 after localizing.

Be advised you have traffic

five miles north of you at 3-0,000.

You have flown before, Mr. Slade?

Hundreds of times.

Good. Then takeoff won't bother you.

Check.

Whoa!

Whoa!

There's an afterburn in takeoff.

It burns a buttload of fuel,

but it feels great, huh?

Uhh.

Mr. Slade, how you feeling back there?

Fine! Fine! Just fine!

Feel that?

We're weightless now.

Yeah.

Get ready.

Negative Gs.

Feel the blood rushing to your head?

Uh-huh. Uh.

Hey, Tom...

Feel like a pilot yet?

Actually, I think I'm about to puke.

No.

Aah!

Aah!

Hey, Slade, want to try flying this thing?

Oh!

-Nah. -Just kidding.

Hey, Slade, I've been playing with you,

but you survived the worst of it.

Want to give it a try?

It's the best cure for air sickness.

Are you kidding?

There's nothing to it.

We got dual controls.

I won't let you get us killed.

It's just like the simulator, Mr. Slade.

I'll activate your controls.

Go easy.

Little moves, okay?

-Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

I'm sorry!

Easy, Slade. I got it. Don't worry.

It's fun, but not as easy as it looks.

Base, come in. This is Blue-two-leader.

Our patrol is under attack!

-Snake? - Repeat, we're being fired upon!

We're taking serious heat here.

I mean some serious heat!

Bearing 1-3-3 from Checkpoint Bravo.

I have four bad guys. They're not letting go.

Come on, Wolf, stay with me on this.

We can handle it.

I don't know, Snake. These guys are good.

I must return fire.

Repeat, I must return fire. Over.

Tower control, Bird-Zero-One.

I'm approaching Checkpoint Bravo.

Request permission to assist.

Negative, Shotgun, negative.

You are not authorized to approach the sector.

You have a civilian aboard. Return to base.

Base, this is Bird-Zero-One. Cannot copy.

Repeat, please.

I know you can hear me. Return to base immediately.

I need help fast!

They're shooting at us!

I'm going ballistic.

Are we at war or something?

Bird-Zero-One, Bird-Zero-One, acknowledge.

Acknowledge, Shotgun. Confirm!

Shotgun!

Bird-Zero-One, confirm!

Aren't you going to answer them?

I just did.

Hey, Paul, what is this?

It's the real thing.

You kidding?

That's a negative.

My god. You can't do this.

You can't take me into combat.

I'll tell them you followed me.

Put on your mask.

Damn it! This is insane!

The insurance company will freak out! You can't do this!

Incoming!

Incoming?

I can't believe this! You ever been in combat?

No, but it's what I'm trained for.

Slade, what the hell are you doing?

Let go of the stick!

I'm getting out of here. It's my life, too!

Let go. You'll kill us. Let go!

That's it. When my lawyer gets through with you,

you'll be lucky to fly a kite.

Snake, look, I'm with you.- 00.

Welcome to the party, Shotgun.

Why don't you take one of my friends for a dance?

I'll lock and load on number two.

You take number one for a ride. Over.

Chicken bastards.

Tom, are you all right?

Damn it! I swallowed my gum. I don't believe this.

On command, load one each,

sidewinder heat-seeking missile.

Arrivederci, paisan.

Mayday, mayday! I can't get this guy off me!

Wolf, keep it together. I'm on the way!

I can't. I'm taking heat.

I'm hit! I've been hit!

Hold on.

Stay calm.

Wolf, I'm drawing on the bad guy.

On my count, you roll down left.

Three... two... one... Now!

Whoa! Scratch one!

Whoo! Whoo!

Got another one on me!

He fired!

Oh, no! Aah!

Wolf!

Aah! Aah!

Wolf!

Oh, my god.

Watkins, Watkins! There's one behind us!

We're going to die!

Oh, shit!

Oh.

Shit! Shit!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

-Shit! Shit! Shit! -Shit! Shit! Shit!

-Shit! -Shit!

Slade, we have to bail out.

Do you remember the procedure?

I can't remember my damn name!

There's no way I'm jumping out.

You have to.

No, no, no!

The plane is going to crash,

and you'll die, you idiot!

Okay.

Bail out. Bail out.

Oh, jeez, Paul, no.

Oh!

Yes!

Don't worry about it, buddy.

We're going to get you out.

Oh!

We made contact with Bogies and Papa Juliette

right here and went down right here.

Now, you said you saw chutes.

Two of them.

And one's a civilian?

A god-damn movie star.

Sergeant, let her in.

Major, I want a total media blackout.

If this leaks out, the Pentagon's gonna go ape-shit.

Watkins better hope to hell the pirates get to him before I do.

Tom Slade should never have been in that plane.

This is all my fault.

Major Goode, remember,

if Shotgun didn't show up, I wouldn't be here right now.

DeCarlo!

Sir.

Slade!

What the hell are you doing?

Man, this place is hotter than palm springs.

If I don't get some sunscreen, my skin is definitely going to turn to leather.

Come on. We got to get moving.

The friendlies should be over that hill.

Wow. Such a nice plane.

Plenty more where that came from, tax dollars at work and all.

Man, I could use a beer.

A nice, tall, cold, frosty, icy...

Slade, listen to me!

Try and concentrate.

Ommm.

We've been shot down.

We're in the middle of a desert in a hostile country.

We have no radio, maybe 24 hours worth of water.

We got to focus all our efforts on survival. Okay?

Damn it! My hairline's receding!

We got to get started.

What about a rescue?

I mean, if we move, how will they find us?

I'm not really counting on a rescue.

This government has been openly hostile.

Last month they declared their airspace extended 200 miles.

That's what the dogfight was all about.

You ought to figure we're pretty much on our own, Slade.

Beautiful! We're stranded here because of some stupid international piss war!

This is so juvenile!

Hey! My friend is dead.

Look, don't blame yourself. You did all you could.

Did I?

I don't think so.

How far is the border?

Sixty, maybe seventy miles.

Sixty, maybe seventy miles? Oh, that's great.

That is just great!

I've been trying to be a good sport with you.

I make more a week than you'll see in your life, but that's beside the point.

The point is I was making an effort to ignore all the crap you did.

I Knew what you were doing. I tried being nice, to go along with it.

So what happens? You treat me like I'm in boot camp, you fly me into a war.

And now, I'm going to die like an extra in Lawrence of Arabia!

Let's just walk, okay?

No! I've gotten the strong, silent treatment from you.

I want to know what you're thinking.

You don't want to know what I'm thinking!

I hate your guts, Slade, okay?

Okay. That's a start.

You and your touchy-feely crap.

You are so completely full of shit.

You want to get inside my head, understand me, be my friend.

People like you...

Thank you! I mean it! Thank you. Come here.

Get away from me!

That wall of armor you've built around your feelings...

You're finally letting in a little light, but don't let go now.

Get in touch with the inner child.

You're really weird, Slade.

Well?

You walk into a person's life, screw everything up, and then you...

You hug them!

Oh! This has to do with Lauren.

Okay, I see now. I didn't know you two were an item.

We're not an item.

-You're an item! -We're not!

We just get stationed together, that's all.

She wants to make it more.

But I'm a pilot.

I've got to make flying my priority!

Why am I talking to you about this? This is insane.

No, this is good. This is good!

This is good!

Because I feel like we're finally starting to communicate!

It's beautiful!

Hey! Over here! Hey!

Slade, no!

Hey, over here!

Slade, no!

Let me go!

They were the enemy!

They're your enemy! They look fine to me.

Stay down.

Let me go!

Hey!

You want to die.

You'd rather die than ask for help from this "enemy."

I don't have any enemies.

You're not taking me with you!

Those guys torture people to death for a living, Slade.

You're the one who's full of shit, buddy!

-Where you going? -Away from you!

Yeah? That's the wrong way.

Oh, yeah? Drop dead!

Slade, wait!

Take some water

So I can say I tried to keep you alive.

Oh, that's beautiful! I'm touched!

Damn it.

The real thing.

Shit.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey!

Hey! Over here.

Hey.

Hey! Over here!

Oh, am I glad to see you.

Do you speak English? I'm Tom Slade.

Hey, take it easy.

Why you doing this? I got nothing against you.

I'm not a soldier. I'm an actor. Very rich. I'll pay you.

Oh, no.

Oh, no?

Please!

Please!

Go!

I can go?

Go! Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Let's go!

Keep on, let's go!

Who are you people?

We are Bedouin. You American?

That's right. We had trouble with our plane.

If you'll take us to the border, we'll make sure you're rewarded for your kindness.

Yes, we can do that.

Come.

American cowboy!

If you're lookin' at me You're lookin' at country

I don't know about you, but these guys make me nervous.

By the way...

My real name's Greenbaum.

No one's supposed to know that.

Don't worry, slade. I'll take it to my grave.

You mind if I bum one of those?

Tastes like crap.

Thank you.

I don't think I like where they're taking us.

It doesn't look like the U.S. Embassy.

Thank you.

Their lunch is ready, sir.

Your lunch is ready, sir!

Commandant!

Lightning strikes, Flames of Fury!

Oh, my gosh!

Tom Slade.

But this is absurd.

An American film star.

I need a shower, and I need to call my manager.

Shut up, slade.

You mind if I use your phone?

You and your pilot friend

are in very serious trouble.

Who the hell are you?

I'm a pilot.

Just like you.

Call sign Dragon.

You're American.

Can you help me get out of here?

Perhaps if you record a statement for them.

You're a god-damn mercenary, You son of a bitch!

You killed Wolf.

Yeah. I guess I did.

Hey, you're good, you know that?

That air force training really paid off, right?

But that Himmelman move, man.

That went out with disco.

I saw that coming way before I shot you.

You got lucky, you bastard.

Lucky?

Luck is just the lack of fear.

You seem like, um,

the kind of guy who flies with one hand on the ejection lever.

You can never win if you're afraid to die.

How can you fly for them?

Everyone's got to make a living.

Pays a lot better than Uncle Sam, I can tell you that.

No urine tests,

no one gives you a hassle for buzzing the tower.

And they...

...don't have this bug up their ass about this 20-20 vision thing.

You're a traitor.

Please. You got to get over this flag-waving business.

To me, it's all one world.

I just want to fly, man.

Listen.

I'm genuinely sorry about they way they're treating you in here.

A pilot should die in the air, right?

But this torture shit, it's...

Sorry, pal.

I'm out of here.

Peace.

I don't know about this.

It's simple. You speak the words.

This is what you do for a living, isn't it?

Yeah, but come on.

"I see now that the American imperialist regime

"must desist crushing innocent struggling nations under its iron shoe."

Who writes this shit? It's not working for me.

Mind if I go with "boot" instead of "shoe"?

Okay, I can take direction.

Speak the words.

"This is Tom Slade."

Don't do it, Slade!

Once again.

"This is Tom Slade.

"I'm here of my own free will.

"I have an important message for the leaders of the U.S.,

and the peoples of the world."

You guys ought to nuke this fucking place off the map!

Please, Mr. Slade, I suggest you take this seriously.

For the sake of your friend.

Slade, don't!

"I see now that the American imperialist regime

"must desist crushing innocent struggling nations under its iron shoe."

This is terrible. This is really terrible.

This will kill his career.

Don't worry about that, everyone will know it's fake.

I'm talking about his reading.

I begged him don't give up acting lessons.

What does he do? He wants to trust his instincts.

Did you see his hair, the lighting, that shirt?

How did they coerce Tom Slade?

Threatening to take away his gold card works for me.

You're thinking Shotgun.

"The aggression against freedom-loving peoples is deplorable and must cease.

"America must pay for its crimes against this and other sovereign states.

If necessary, it must pay in blood."

We're going live now to Casey Farrah, who's outside the American Embassy.

Hello, four eyes.

They're going to blow your little base off the map.

Cable news.

What would we do without it?

So...

What do you figure?

A couple squadrons of f-16s for cover, take out the runway...

Maybe some f-111s drop a few 1,000-pounders

just for good measure, you know?

It's going to be a hell of a party.

I can't wait.

I don't know quite how to tell you this, but...

They're gonna execute you at dawn.

As soon as they get more tape for their camera.

Listen.

I did all I could do.

It ain't over till it's over.

Very poetic.

But if you're thinking about a rescue mission,

It won't work.

See, there's only one approach, and that's through the Northern Valley.

And they just put some brand-new SAMs in their path.

The fine young Nellis graduates will get their stupid asses blown right out of the sky.

Capisce?

Kiss my ass.

Want a chip?

Gentlemen.

DeCarlo guarantees you heavy triple "A" in quadrants four and five.

The only safe way in is through the Northern Valley.

If you encounter hostiles in this area, you will engage.

Good luck.

Goode.

It's happening, isn't it?

It's a go.

Don't worry, major. We're going to bring him back.

Come, please. We are here to rescue you.

Quiet. Down.

Wait. My friend Watkins is in the prison that way.

What about my friend?

He's worth nothing.

Where are you taking me?

The commandant is not fair.

We sell you again to American movie company.

They pay top dollar.

What?

Hey, you're making a mistake.

Watkins comes from a very important family.

Wait a second. Wait.

Shit.

Shit! Shit!

Die, infidel!

I'm kidding! I was kidding! It's a joke!

Thanks.

Let's go.

Go!

Do you know what you do?

Of course not.

Go! Go!

The cigarette king! Give us the cigarette king!

What are you doing?

No!

Look out! Look out!

Stop, cigarette king!

Hello, my friends.

Just go! Keep going!

Look out!

Shit!

Hey, what the hell is this cigarette king?

I told them you're heir to a tobacco fortune. Improvisation.

If they catch us, you owe them 50 million.

At least you didn't promise them anything stupid.

Hold on to me. Give me a bear hug!

Now!

Last time I hug you.

Katiana control, this is Black Flag Leader turning to heading one-zero-niner.

I'm losing my grip.

Come on.

I'm not getting into another plane with you.

It's the only way out, Slade.

It's because of your flying that I'm here.

-Okay, fine. Stay. -What?

-Fine. -Fine.

-Fine. -Fine.

Yes.

Fine.

I can handle it. I'm fine.

Just fine. Don't worry about me. I'm fine.

Control, this is Black Flag Leader.

We are crossing the county line at Checkpoint Delta.

I see no welcoming committee. Prepare to arm, gentlemen.

I changed my mind. Let me in.

It's a single-seater.

Jesus Christ.

I'm real sorry for violating your personal space.

These stupid French planes!

You can fly this thing, can't you?

Move your damn leg!

Thanks, slade.

Have you tried that button over there?

Just shut up.

They are getting away.

Quick!

I thought we'd give them a little head start.

More sporting that way, don't you think?

What are you doing?

Going back to take out the runway.

What, are you crazy? They'll shoot us down.

Not if we blow them up first.

-Move your leg. -What?

I said move your leg!

Are you sitting on anything that might be a bomb release?

I think so.

Is that it?

Is that it?

Whoa!

-Let me do it. -Fine. Do it!

Your upper lip really perspires when you're nervous.

Get ready.

Okay, I'm ready.

-When? Now? -No!

-What? -Not now!

Now!

Now! Now!

Yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

Nice work, Tom.

Thanks.

Katiana control, this is Black Flag Leader.

We are in the neighborhood,

Nearing valley approach at Checkpoint Fox Trot.

Oh, shit. Damn it!

What are you talking about?

Our F-16s are heading for their missile bases.

Let's hope they're not ready for us.

We're coming in. Get ready.

What? What?

Charley horse.

Forget about your foot.

No, we're out of bombs.

Shit.

Shit.

What the...

Hey, Watkins, it's me, Dragon.

Happy to help you out, Ace.

Now it's just you and me.

An equal match for a change.

So, let's see what you got.

What's going on?

Asshole patrol.

Whoo-hoo!

Come on!

You're playing with the big boys now.

Come on.

Come on!

Dragon?

Dragon, I know you can hear me.

Listen, we're both good.

We can play this game till we run out of gas.

What do you say we just get it over with?

What do you suggest?

Let's see who's lucky and who's afraid.

A game of chicken?

Rather crude, but...

Hey, why not?

Whoo-hoo!

Should have had your hand on eject, Dragon.

Well, looks like we finally got company.

Could be decoys. Two and three, stay on target.

Snake is in pursuit!

Damn it.

We're friendly. He doesn't recognize us.

We're being chased by our own guys?

Yes.

Wouldn't it be ironic to get killed...

Shut up, Slade!

Time to face mecca, pilgrim.

Himmelman!

Oldest trick in the book.

Hang on!

Oldest trick in the book!

Shit!

Damn it!

Shit.

Where are the parachute straps?

Katiana control, this is Black Flag Leader.

I see he hostages going down in the gulf.

Pull your gun levers, Slade.

It didn't work!

What are we going to do?

Bail out.

We'll free fall.

What?

It's the only way, slade.

We've been pretty close up here,

so it's a good time to tell you that you've gone completely insane!

Paul!

Shotgun!

Shotgun!

Oh, no.

All right, get a grip.

Get a grip.

Damn you, Shotgun!

Tell me what to do!

Paul!

I can't reach the belt!

I can't believe I'm doing this.

What bothers me most...

...is that I didn't have a chance to say I'm sorry.

That I was the one who shot down my best friend.

So now, Shotgun...

I am sorry...

...that I was the one that shot you down.

But it was me

and it was an enemy aircraft.

So if you'd just sign right here as an observer,

I'll get credit for the kill.

You bastard.

Nice.

Oh, God.

One more, and I'm an Ace.

You two are lucky to be alive.

Luck?

Luck had none to do with this. I knew what I was doing the whole time.

Burning an aircraft and blowing the canopy, although dangerous,

is a proven ejection technique.

You're lucky we were over the water.

Lucky he didn't just fall out and leave you strapped in.

I'm just glad to be here.

Where were we?

Very nice.

Useless.

I'm going out on the flight deck.

Ow!

You kids, don't forget the fighter pilot's code.

And if you do forget, name him after me.

Good luck.

Oh, I love this.

Oh, this is a beautiful moment.

I can use this.

Thank you both.

-Tom, shut up. -Tom, shut up.

It's like life itself.

A bunch of beautiful moments strung together, isn't it?

What I mean to say is, it's about intimacy. Love.

Two people who want to be together and touch.

It's about pitching a tent and...

Kids?

Kids? It's getting hot in here.

Nurse? Cold shower! Cold shower!

Nurse!