Original subtitles

Hey roommate.

You got a sec?

Oh, of course, yeah.

What's up?

So I was thinking, since your birthday is coming up in a few weeks,...

...I wanted to do something special for you and I found...

...a psychic that will come to the house and give you a full reading.

What?

Oh my god, that's so cool.

Yeah.

You know, you don't have to do that though.

No, please, it's my pleasure.

I know we've only been roommates for a few months, but I already feel like we're...

besties and I just want to make sure you have a really special day.

Cool.

Yeah, that'd be cool.

And also, I was wondering if maybe,...

...if it's not too weird, if I could sit in on this session.

I've just never had a full reading and I'm so curious.

Oh, well, I don't think it'd be weird, so... Okay.

Okay.

Cool.

I'll get it all set up.

Yeah.

I'll see you later.

Good birthday, girl.

Hey.

Are you so excited for this fortune teller?

Yes.

Oh my god, I cannot wait.

Me too.

It's gonna be awesome.

Oh, I think that's a doorbell.

You want me to go get it?

No, you stay put.

It's your birthday.

I want you to feel like an absolute clean today.

Thank you.

You remember the plan, right?

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna give her fake fortune telling ready...

...and you guys are destined to be together forever.

Perfect.

I've had the biggest crush on her for the longest time...

...and this is gonna be the best way to break thighs.

So excited.

Okay, come on, let's go.

Okay.

And here's the birthday girl.

My mom, if it isn't the birthday girl.

Hello.

Cat didn't tell me how beautiful you are.

Thank you.

It's great to meet you.

Let me see here.

Such beautiful hands.

And looking at your palm lines, I see that...

...your heart line is crossing over into your...

...mystery line.

Mystery line?

Are you sure that's what it is?

That's the mystery line right there.

I've never heard of a mystery line.

Of course you haven't.

It's a mystery line.

Okay?

Now, first of all,...

I brought...

...my crystal ball...

...so that I can see some things into the future.

Crystal ball is showing me that you...

...are gonna end up...

...with someone...

...that has some sort of like mystical, magical powers.

Are you sure that's what you see?

Because when I look in the crystal ball,...

...I'm seeing someone with no mystical powers,...

...just a regular,...

...normal...

...person.

Well, of course you're seeing that cat.

To a regular person without mystical powers,...

...you usually only see your own reflection.

Next up,...

...I also have tarot cards.

You've seen these before, right?

So cool, yeah.

What these tarot cards are telling me...

...is that someone's gonna come into your home...

...and end up your lover for life.

What?

It looks like you have this card upside down.

And I think maybe what this card actually means,...

...what you really saw here, is that her lover is gonna be someone...

...from within the home,...

...not someone that visits it, but someone who lives in her home, right?

Well, that would make sense, cat,...

...but the card is not upside down and it's...

...definitely some stranger coming into the home.

I've had it.

This woman is a fraud.

She's not a psychic.

How would you know?

Because I put her up to it.

I'm sorry, Alina.

I just...

I've had the biggest crush on you ever since you first moved in.

And I know this is so weird, but...

...I thought that maybe if I hired this woman who...

...would tell you that potentially we could be lovers, then...

...maybe you'd start to see me as more than just a roommate and...

...as a potential love interest.

Well, you didn't exactly have to do that.

I kind of already have a crush on you.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh my god.

I didn't realize.

I guess it's back to the classified ads for me, guys.

Well,...

...maybe all three of us could have some fun.

I mean,... she did kind of help lead us together and interact sort of way.

...she did kind of help lead us together in an...

...indirect sort of way.

I did have a little bit of fun bringing you two together.

I just got carried away a little bit when I first saw you.

So yeah, that sounds really good, ladies.

Cuties.

Guy's.

I look good together.

Oh my god.

Oh, yeah.

Goddamn, perfect.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh, my God!

Can I get underneath y'all?

I love your ass on my face, mom.

Oh, man, I was doing it.

This feels amazing.

So good.

Let me get behind you.

Can I get behind you?

Can I get behind you?

Yeah.

Is that so pretty? Do you see it?

Oh, this is so good.

Oh, my God.

That feels so good.

Can you go down on your birthday?

We'll start out with that.

Yeah, lean back, get comfortable.

Here you come up here.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, here you come.

Oh my god.

Fuck everything...

Oh, so good.

Happy birthday.

He's a little stuck.

How about a reading?

Anyone care for one?

You know how to use those?

I mean, how hard can it be, Ms. Todd?

It's not like you're an expert or anything.

You got me there.