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1
00:00:06,780 --> 00:00:08,450
[police radio chatter]
2
00:00:08,483 --> 00:00:09,485
[Paul] I'm telling you, sir,
I live right there.
3
00:00:09,519 --> 00:00:10,789
[officer]
I need proof.
4
00:00:10,822 --> 00:00:11,456
I don't have any proof.
I just moved in.
5
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:12,793
Hey, hey.
6
00:00:12,826 --> 00:00:13,828
-What's going on? Hi.
-Oh, hey, baby.
7
00:00:13,861 --> 00:00:15,097
Okay, don't freak out, Iss,
8
00:00:15,130 --> 00:00:16,399
but there seems to have been
9
00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:17,703
a very light stabbing
on our block.
10
00:00:17,736 --> 00:00:19,506
[gasps]
11
00:00:19,539 --> 00:00:22,178
Billie stabbed Samir
over the hospital bill.
12
00:00:22,211 --> 00:00:24,115
-No. No.
-What?
13
00:00:24,148 --> 00:00:25,585
-No?
-[Anton] ...but that's sisters.
14
00:00:25,618 --> 00:00:26,854
Ultimately, that's sisters,
you know.
15
00:00:26,887 --> 00:00:28,323
I mean, I don't have sisters,
16
00:00:28,356 --> 00:00:29,627
but I assume
that's what they're like.
17
00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:32,164
Oh, hi. How are you?
18
00:00:32,197 --> 00:00:33,834
Oh, my God, how does
he know everyone?
19
00:00:34,803 --> 00:00:36,406
Oh. Hey, Kurt?
20
00:00:36,439 --> 00:00:37,676
Kurt?
21
00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:38,778
Yeah, they're good.
They're with me.
22
00:00:38,811 --> 00:00:40,114
You can let them in.
23
00:00:40,147 --> 00:00:41,383
Seriously?
24
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:43,687
And hang these up
around the neighborhood.
25
00:00:46,527 --> 00:00:48,397
What?
26
00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:50,535
Oh, my God.
27
00:00:50,568 --> 00:00:52,405
You're kidding me.
28
00:00:52,438 --> 00:00:55,745
[Anton]
...bronchitis.
I have a CPAP at home.
29
00:00:55,778 --> 00:00:57,549
How does he know everyone?
30
00:00:57,582 --> 00:00:58,818
[Anton laughs]
When I think backless dress,
31
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:00,421
I really do think Doreen.
32
00:01:00,454 --> 00:01:01,757
You should be
wearing this more often.
33
00:01:01,790 --> 00:01:03,628
Anton.
34
00:01:03,661 --> 00:01:05,765
"Have you seen this man?"
35
00:01:05,798 --> 00:01:07,234
Oh.
36
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,138
Oh, him.
37
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:10,642
Oh.
38
00:01:10,675 --> 00:01:13,447
Wow. Doreen? Doreen,
you have to come see this.
39
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,450
This is crazy. I'm in a poster.
40
00:01:16,687 --> 00:01:18,558
Oh. It's not exciting.
41
00:01:18,591 --> 00:01:20,227
-Doreen?
-Hmm?
42
00:01:20,260 --> 00:01:21,731
[Anton] You're gonna
want to see this, my love.
43
00:01:21,764 --> 00:01:23,266
♪ ♪
44
00:01:23,299 --> 00:01:24,268
♪ Ooh ♪
45
00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:26,172
♪ Yeah ♪
46
00:01:26,205 --> 00:01:28,778
♪ I need some bad advice ♪
47
00:01:28,811 --> 00:01:31,684
♪ Yeah, oh ♪
48
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:34,422
♪ We'll stay up tonight ♪
49
00:01:34,455 --> 00:01:37,228
♪ We'll make it out alive ♪
50
00:01:37,261 --> 00:01:39,533
♪ Ooh, ooh, hoo! ♪
51
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:42,171
Is this gonna take...
way longer, or...
52
00:01:42,204 --> 00:01:44,375
-One more, one more second.
-Okay.
53
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:46,413
[Billie]
No, Samir, I'm not angry at you.
54
00:01:46,446 --> 00:01:48,518
Okay, but I get if you are.
55
00:01:48,551 --> 00:01:50,320
Like, you trusted me,
and my dumb ass
56
00:01:50,353 --> 00:01:52,358
got you into, like,
15 grand of medical debt.
57
00:01:52,391 --> 00:01:54,797
And is it the biggest number
I've ever seen in my real life?
58
00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:56,266
Yes. But that's okay.
59
00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:58,671
I have no job,
I'm at rock bottom.
60
00:01:58,704 --> 00:02:01,342
Is that the end of the sentence?
61
00:02:01,375 --> 00:02:02,579
But I feel excited, you know?
62
00:02:02,612 --> 00:02:03,581
Like, for the first time
in my life,
63
00:02:03,614 --> 00:02:04,583
there are no expectations.
64
00:02:04,616 --> 00:02:06,453
I can do anything.
65
00:02:06,486 --> 00:02:08,423
I might buy a vape.
We don't know.
66
00:02:08,456 --> 00:02:11,196
Okay. Well, I'm gonna
get you the money.
67
00:02:11,229 --> 00:02:12,733
No, Samir,
you're not gonna get me fift--
68
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,770
Yeah, obviously. It's--
I have to.
69
00:02:14,803 --> 00:02:16,907
It's the least I could do.
70
00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:19,780
'Kay, we're starting.
We're starting my thing, so...
71
00:02:19,813 --> 00:02:21,717
My thanks to Paul Baker
for setting up AirPlay.
72
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,821
Your film studies minor
was not in vain.
73
00:02:23,854 --> 00:02:26,292
-Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
-'Kay, sit.
74
00:02:26,325 --> 00:02:27,829
-So sexy.
-So,
75
00:02:27,862 --> 00:02:30,502
to start with your most
pressing questions...
76
00:02:30,535 --> 00:02:33,574
yes, I met the Bayside Stabber.
77
00:02:33,607 --> 00:02:35,845
And yes, we had a really
78
00:02:35,878 --> 00:02:37,448
lovely conversation
on the F train.
79
00:02:37,481 --> 00:02:38,718
And yeah,
80
00:02:38,751 --> 00:02:40,354
he sent me
these texts afterwards,
81
00:02:40,387 --> 00:02:42,759
which are, frankly,
so nice and non-stabby?
82
00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:43,961
So, let's just take a look.
83
00:02:43,994 --> 00:02:45,899
Um, okay.
84
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:48,504
Uh, okay. Oh, okay, okay.
85
00:02:48,537 --> 00:02:50,474
Who is
"Brianna Acupuncture Student?"
86
00:02:50,508 --> 00:02:51,510
[Anton]
Sorry, sorry.
87
00:02:51,543 --> 00:02:52,846
That's-that's--
88
00:02:52,879 --> 00:02:54,315
That's not him. That's not him.
89
00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:56,252
Who's "Leather Jacket
Newsies Chorus?"
90
00:02:56,285 --> 00:02:58,390
I think it was further back.
Oh, yeah.
91
00:02:58,423 --> 00:02:59,793
"Bobby backpack,"
what's the story there?
92
00:02:59,826 --> 00:03:00,862
[laughs]
93
00:03:00,895 --> 00:03:02,799
Look for, like, "train."
94
00:03:02,832 --> 00:03:04,435
When you don't
respond to my texts, this,
95
00:03:04,468 --> 00:03:05,905
seeing this,
makes me feel a lot worse.
96
00:03:05,938 --> 00:03:07,308
We have a gorgeous
dialogue over text.
97
00:03:07,341 --> 00:03:09,479
[Samir]
I'm so far down in this.
98
00:03:09,513 --> 00:03:11,282
No, you're...
99
00:03:12,284 --> 00:03:13,386
[Paul]
Oh, that's deep.
100
00:03:13,419 --> 00:03:14,890
-That's deep. D--
-[laughter]
101
00:03:14,923 --> 00:03:16,727
You're responding to
"Ghostbusters Librarian,"
102
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:18,396
and I don't get a text back.
103
00:03:18,429 --> 00:03:21,269
Oh, shit.
I forgot to return the book.
104
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,240
Anton, the stabber.
105
00:03:23,273 --> 00:03:25,344
-Okay, now, this is the stabber.
This is him.
-Okay.
106
00:03:25,377 --> 00:03:27,414
"Anton, I miss you already.
107
00:03:27,447 --> 00:03:28,751
You are a light in this world."
108
00:03:28,784 --> 00:03:30,254
The stabber sent this to you?
109
00:03:30,287 --> 00:03:31,456
-[Anton] Yeah.
-And what'd you say back?
110
00:03:31,489 --> 00:03:33,528
Just, like, nothing.
111
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:34,930
-Anton, move. Come on.
-Anton, move.
112
00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:36,398
Sidestep, please.
113
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:38,504
Mm-hmm.
114
00:03:38,537 --> 00:03:40,340
[Paul]
"I'm serious about
115
00:03:40,373 --> 00:03:42,512
making paellas.
This is the season of us."
116
00:03:42,545 --> 00:03:44,348
-Oh, my God.
-Anton.
117
00:03:44,381 --> 00:03:45,384
-What?
-[Issa] You are
118
00:03:45,417 --> 00:03:46,620
such a friend slut.
119
00:03:46,653 --> 00:03:48,858
-Okay, ow?
-[Issa] No, seriously,
120
00:03:48,891 --> 00:03:51,396
you just have this thing
where you have to make people
121
00:03:51,429 --> 00:03:52,866
feel like the most important
person in the world...
122
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,736
-Mm-hmm.
-...so they
fall in love with you,
123
00:03:54,769 --> 00:03:55,972
and then you ultimately
forget about them.
124
00:03:56,005 --> 00:03:58,009
That is not true, Issa. Okay?
125
00:03:58,042 --> 00:03:59,847
I treasure my people.
126
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,750
You have 400
unread text messages.
127
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,554
No, it's four thou--
It's 4,000, usually.
128
00:04:03,587 --> 00:04:05,725
Yeah, it's 4,000. It's just
the zero gets cut off.
129
00:04:05,758 --> 00:04:07,428
-Anton.
-[Billie] Seriously, Anton.
130
00:04:07,461 --> 00:04:09,600
You can't just soul-bond
with every person you meet.
131
00:04:09,633 --> 00:04:10,735
It's not normal.
132
00:04:10,768 --> 00:04:11,971
Uh, why not?
133
00:04:12,004 --> 00:04:13,708
Uh, because
some people stab people.
134
00:04:13,741 --> 00:04:15,645
-Yeah.
-Okay, you guys
are being dramatic.
135
00:04:15,678 --> 00:04:17,348
It's not like it's
an ongoing conversation.
136
00:04:17,381 --> 00:04:18,350
-He's not following up with me.
-[phone chimes]
137
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,452
[shouting]
138
00:04:19,485 --> 00:04:20,889
-What?
-He just liked it.
139
00:04:20,922 --> 00:04:21,690
-What do you call that?
-[Billie] He hearted it.
140
00:04:21,723 --> 00:04:23,460
Okay, so what?
141
00:04:23,493 --> 00:04:24,696
-He hearted a message.
-[Samir] And now he's typing.
142
00:04:24,729 --> 00:04:26,366
-[shouting]
-What?
143
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:27,602
-He's typing! He's typing!
-[screams]
144
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:28,670
Block him! Block him!
He's typing!
145
00:04:29,673 --> 00:04:31,710
Look. See? And it's gone.
146
00:04:31,743 --> 00:04:33,681
You guys, breathe, okay?
147
00:04:33,714 --> 00:04:36,452
Please, the text went away.
It's all fine.
148
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,722
-I promise.
-[phone rings]
149
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,793
-[screaming]
-What now? What?
150
00:04:39,826 --> 00:04:41,062
He's calling you!
151
00:04:41,095 --> 00:04:42,699
-What?
-He's calling you!
152
00:04:42,732 --> 00:04:43,768
-He's calling.
-[Issa screaming]
153
00:04:43,801 --> 00:04:46,039
What is he doing? What-- What?
154
00:04:46,072 --> 00:04:47,576
[Issa]
Oh, my God!
155
00:04:47,609 --> 00:04:48,678
[Anton]
Oh...
156
00:04:48,711 --> 00:04:50,615
my God. You just missed the call
157
00:04:50,648 --> 00:04:51,917
and you cracked my screen.
158
00:04:51,950 --> 00:04:53,085
Uh...
159
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:00,902
[automated voice]
Your call has been
160
00:05:00,935 --> 00:05:02,004
forwarded to an--
161
00:05:02,037 --> 00:05:04,341
♪ ♪
162
00:05:12,692 --> 00:05:14,461
Coat closet?
163
00:05:15,698 --> 00:05:17,067
Hey.
164
00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:18,938
-Yo.
-Where's everyone?
165
00:05:18,971 --> 00:05:21,577
Uh, I think they all went to
the police station with Anton.
166
00:05:21,610 --> 00:05:24,048
Dude, crazy that
he knows the stabber.
167
00:05:24,081 --> 00:05:25,450
Is he just always like that?
168
00:05:25,483 --> 00:05:27,087
Like, is he always
just so friendly?
169
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,958
Yes, it's a problem.
We think his parents took him
170
00:05:28,991 --> 00:05:30,795
to, like, too many dinner
parties when he was a kid.
171
00:05:30,828 --> 00:05:31,963
[chuckles]
Okay.
172
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:35,805
[door opens]
173
00:05:35,838 --> 00:05:37,542
-[Samir] Holy fuck!
-What?
174
00:05:37,575 --> 00:05:39,045
[Samir]
Oh. Oh...
175
00:05:39,078 --> 00:05:40,380
You okay?
176
00:05:40,413 --> 00:05:42,786
-I...
-Yo! What the fuck?
177
00:05:42,819 --> 00:05:44,422
Has that been here
the whole time?
178
00:05:44,455 --> 00:05:45,992
I don't know.
I guess, I guess, I guess.
179
00:05:46,025 --> 00:05:47,529
What do you mean, "you guess"?
180
00:05:47,562 --> 00:05:48,965
I don't know, I guess.
I don't know.
181
00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:50,434
This is not--
We're not like a gunny family.
182
00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:51,704
It looks pretty gunny
to me, dude.
183
00:05:51,737 --> 00:05:52,973
No, I know--
You just moved in here.
184
00:05:53,006 --> 00:05:54,810
This is not
the vibe of the house.
185
00:05:54,843 --> 00:05:56,714
Okay. I have actually never
seen one in person before.
186
00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:58,149
It makes me want to throw up.
187
00:05:58,182 --> 00:06:00,020
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna
fucking throw it out.
188
00:06:00,053 --> 00:06:01,489
You can't throw it out, dude.
What if the stabber gets it?
189
00:06:01,523 --> 00:06:03,561
No, dude, we have to, uh...
190
00:06:03,594 --> 00:06:04,896
Oh, we can take it
to a buyback. Yeah.
191
00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:06,600
-What's a buyback?
-Like, at a gun store.
192
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,470
You can take the gun
to a gun store
193
00:06:08,504 --> 00:06:10,406
and they will buy it back from
you for like a chunk of cash.
194
00:06:12,177 --> 00:06:13,680
We can go together if you want.
195
00:06:14,716 --> 00:06:15,952
-Okay.
-Yeah?
196
00:06:15,985 --> 00:06:17,121
-Okay. Yeah, sweet.
-Okay, great.
197
00:06:17,154 --> 00:06:18,691
-Oh. Sorry, sorry.
-Jesus.
198
00:06:18,724 --> 00:06:20,862
[siren wailing]
199
00:06:20,895 --> 00:06:22,131
[loud chatter]
200
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,868
[Issa]
Defund the police
201
00:06:23,901 --> 00:06:26,507
and all, but they, like,
need to zhuzh this place up.
202
00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:28,176
It's so depressing.
203
00:06:28,209 --> 00:06:29,979
[phone buzzes]
204
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,792
Wait, what the hell?
205
00:06:35,825 --> 00:06:37,896
[laughs]
206
00:06:37,929 --> 00:06:42,104
Oh, my God. Jailbait.
Who are you?
207
00:06:42,137 --> 00:06:44,108
No, I know, but I told you.
208
00:06:44,141 --> 00:06:46,580
I'm-I'm trying
to explore a little.
209
00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:47,716
-[gasps]
-Like, okay,
210
00:06:47,749 --> 00:06:49,753
I am done with the version of me
211
00:06:49,786 --> 00:06:51,189
who asks boring guys to choke me
212
00:06:51,222 --> 00:06:52,625
and then says,
"What? Just kidding."
213
00:06:52,658 --> 00:06:56,032
Like, I want
to live my 20s a little.
214
00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:58,036
-Is that crazy?
-No.
215
00:06:58,069 --> 00:06:59,606
You've arrived.
216
00:06:59,639 --> 00:07:02,144
I'm so happy.
I couldn't agree more.
217
00:07:02,177 --> 00:07:04,148
Seriously, like,
you're between jobs.
218
00:07:04,181 --> 00:07:05,918
This is your time
to start fucking
219
00:07:05,951 --> 00:07:07,922
like your grandchildren
will hear about it one day.
220
00:07:07,955 --> 00:07:10,027
-Okay. Mindwipe.
-Yeah?
221
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:12,197
I do want my grandchildren
to think of me sexually.
222
00:07:12,230 --> 00:07:13,634
Gone from my brain.
223
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,137
-Never heard it.
-Thank you.
224
00:07:15,170 --> 00:07:17,174
Give me your phone. Okay.
225
00:07:17,207 --> 00:07:18,778
I'm gonna put you on Feeld.
226
00:07:18,811 --> 00:07:21,082
This was amazing
for my whore phase.
227
00:07:21,115 --> 00:07:22,151
-Really?
-Mm-hmm.
228
00:07:22,184 --> 00:07:23,654
Before I met Paul Baker,
229
00:07:23,687 --> 00:07:24,790
this is how I met
that Brazilian couple.
230
00:07:24,823 --> 00:07:26,794
-Oh, Lucas and Sophia.
-Yeah.
231
00:07:26,827 --> 00:07:28,063
So hot.
232
00:07:28,096 --> 00:07:30,033
And, oh, my God,
uh, Joe with the leash.
233
00:07:30,066 --> 00:07:31,069
Joe with the leash?
234
00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:32,639
I know, but don't.
235
00:07:32,672 --> 00:07:34,543
He never walks you.
236
00:07:34,576 --> 00:07:36,212
-Hi. Um, so, apparently...
-Hi.
237
00:07:36,245 --> 00:07:37,682
...they want me
to give a statement.
238
00:07:37,715 --> 00:07:38,951
What? Really?
239
00:07:38,984 --> 00:07:41,657
[groans]
Why must I become embroiled?
240
00:07:41,690 --> 00:07:43,594
Because you are a friend slut.
241
00:07:43,627 --> 00:07:44,963
Because you're
a big slutty friend slut
242
00:07:44,996 --> 00:07:46,232
who needs everyone
to be obsessed with you.
243
00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:48,504
That's not true.
I don't need you guys
244
00:07:48,537 --> 00:07:50,173
-to be obsessed with me.
-That's 'cause you know
we're obsessed with you.
245
00:07:50,206 --> 00:07:51,643
And whose fault is that?
246
00:07:51,676 --> 00:07:53,581
-[laughs]
-[officer] Mr. Evans?
247
00:07:53,614 --> 00:07:54,950
-We're ready for you.
-Oh, my God.
248
00:07:54,983 --> 00:07:56,653
Okay, earrings. Yes!
249
00:07:56,686 --> 00:07:58,557
Oh, thanks.
250
00:07:58,590 --> 00:08:00,093
-I made them myself.
-[Anton] What?
251
00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:02,097
Wow. You and I are gonna
go to Shark Tank, girl.
252
00:08:02,130 --> 00:08:04,068
Mark Cuban's suddenly in,
we're in tears.
253
00:08:04,101 --> 00:08:05,972
I took this class at the Y...
254
00:08:06,005 --> 00:08:08,543
[whispers]
Friend slut.
255
00:08:09,378 --> 00:08:10,882
-Oh, sorry. Which way, baby?
-Get back here. Come on.
256
00:08:10,915 --> 00:08:12,217
[gasps]
Ooh.
257
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,721
How do you feel about firemen?
258
00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:15,123
-[inhales]
-Oh, no, sorry. There's a comma.
259
00:08:15,156 --> 00:08:17,996
How do you feel about
fire and also men?
260
00:08:18,029 --> 00:08:19,131
Yeah.
261
00:08:19,164 --> 00:08:20,167
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
262
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,235
[entry bell jingles]
263
00:08:22,738 --> 00:08:23,874
-I can't. No.
-Yes, we can.
264
00:08:23,907 --> 00:08:25,545
-I can't.
-We can. We got this.
265
00:08:25,578 --> 00:08:27,114
We can't do anything.
We look like
266
00:08:27,147 --> 00:08:28,751
we're fucking J. Crew Columbine.
I don't want this shit.
267
00:08:28,784 --> 00:08:30,822
All right. No, we can.
Just let me talk.
268
00:08:30,855 --> 00:08:32,291
-I'll handle this, all right?
-Okay. Okay.
269
00:08:32,324 --> 00:08:34,963
I'll... I'll chill in
the fucking grenade aisle.
270
00:08:34,996 --> 00:08:36,699
Okay, yeah.
[clears throat]
271
00:08:37,869 --> 00:08:39,873
Hey, bud. Hi.
272
00:08:39,906 --> 00:08:41,844
How are you? Name's Paul Baker.
273
00:08:41,877 --> 00:08:43,313
It's nice to meet you.
Look, my buddy over there,
274
00:08:43,346 --> 00:08:45,852
my buddy with the flag?
That's him.
275
00:08:45,885 --> 00:08:47,589
He's going through it right now.
276
00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:50,293
He found his dad's shotgun
in the old coat closet.
277
00:08:50,326 --> 00:08:52,765
Problem is, he's not a...
[imitates gunshots]
278
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:54,603
...007 man like yourself.
279
00:08:54,636 --> 00:08:56,038
So we're just
trying to figure out
280
00:08:56,071 --> 00:08:58,577
a way to, uh,
sell this bad boy back to you.
281
00:08:58,610 --> 00:08:59,913
You know,
aka a little buyback.
282
00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:02,050
I'm sure you're familiar,
you know?
283
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,888
So what do you say about that
one, huh, big guy?
284
00:09:03,921 --> 00:09:05,858
C-Could you help us out
with that?
285
00:09:07,327 --> 00:09:10,266
Why are you talking to me
like I'm retarded?
286
00:09:11,235 --> 00:09:14,609
Oh... no, I wasn't. No.
287
00:09:14,642 --> 00:09:17,181
The... We actually
don't use that word anymore.
288
00:09:17,214 --> 00:09:19,285
Like, at all, sir. I--
289
00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:21,924
The cast of Glee kind of ended
that through the power of song,
290
00:09:21,957 --> 00:09:23,828
-so...
-What, "retarded"?
291
00:09:23,861 --> 00:09:26,032
-[groans]
-My sister's retarded.
292
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,737
-Do you got a sister who's--
-Just give me one... sec...
293
00:09:29,338 --> 00:09:32,044
Hey, dude, uh, we can't do this.
Uh, we got to go.
294
00:09:32,077 --> 00:09:33,614
-What do you mean?
-Okay, I don't know.
295
00:09:33,647 --> 00:09:34,616
Dude, that's
never happened to me before.
296
00:09:34,649 --> 00:09:35,918
I think that went, like...
297
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,321
-What happened?
-...bad. I don't know.
298
00:09:37,354 --> 00:09:39,191
Okay, well, I'm not
leaving the gun store
299
00:09:39,224 --> 00:09:40,895
with a gun.
We're gonna look insane. No.
300
00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:42,197
I can't sell it to this man.
I don't, I don't know...
301
00:09:42,230 --> 00:09:44,235
Paul Baker, you're
a charming-ass man.
302
00:09:44,268 --> 00:09:45,938
-Hmm.
-And I didn't want
to say this before,
303
00:09:45,971 --> 00:09:49,245
but I need
this money for Billie.
304
00:09:49,278 --> 00:09:50,915
For her medical bills?
305
00:09:50,948 --> 00:09:52,217
Yeah.
306
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,721
Fuck. Okay.
307
00:09:53,754 --> 00:09:55,691
Oh, shit. Okay.
308
00:09:55,724 --> 00:09:56,860
-Okay? We got this.
-Yeah. Totally.
309
00:09:56,893 --> 00:09:59,398
We got this. You and me.
All right.
310
00:09:59,431 --> 00:10:01,102
Oh, you're just gonna...
311
00:10:01,135 --> 00:10:02,303
I'm just gonna hang out here.
312
00:10:03,239 --> 00:10:04,208
Okay.
313
00:10:04,241 --> 00:10:06,345
Hey, brother. My man.
314
00:10:06,378 --> 00:10:08,383
Uh, I feel like I condescended
towards you before,
315
00:10:08,416 --> 00:10:09,953
and for that, I am very sorry.
316
00:10:09,986 --> 00:10:11,355
I don't know what that was.
317
00:10:11,388 --> 00:10:13,226
Might be a Canadian thing. But
318
00:10:13,259 --> 00:10:14,796
if we could just start over,
319
00:10:14,829 --> 00:10:15,998
I'm just trying
to sell this gun back.
320
00:10:16,031 --> 00:10:17,367
[laughs]
I don't know what that was.
321
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,204
What's with the nail polish?
322
00:10:20,273 --> 00:10:21,809
You a fruitcake or something?
323
00:10:23,145 --> 00:10:24,849
Am I a frui--
324
00:10:27,153 --> 00:10:29,124
No.
325
00:10:29,157 --> 00:10:30,260
No, I am not a fruitcake.
326
00:10:30,293 --> 00:10:32,732
No, that is-- Um, no.
327
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:34,736
Huh. 'Cause I was gonna say,
328
00:10:34,769 --> 00:10:36,005
if you were a little fruity,
329
00:10:36,038 --> 00:10:38,944
I'd get your number
and buy your gun.
330
00:10:39,979 --> 00:10:41,148
Oh.
331
00:10:41,181 --> 00:10:42,284
You-- Oh,
332
00:10:42,317 --> 00:10:44,421
you're... fr-- Okay, yeah.
333
00:10:44,454 --> 00:10:46,225
I am fruity.
I don't-- Yeah. I...
334
00:10:46,258 --> 00:10:48,096
I personally don't
usually describe it like that.
335
00:10:48,129 --> 00:10:49,966
I usually say,
like, "fluid" mostly,
336
00:10:49,999 --> 00:10:51,269
but I, yeah, I am a fruitcake.
337
00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:52,906
-You lying to me right now?
-No, sir.
338
00:10:52,939 --> 00:10:54,843
-You queerbaiting me?
-"Queerbaiting"?
339
00:10:54,876 --> 00:10:57,147
No, what is
the spectrum of your language?
340
00:10:57,180 --> 00:10:58,717
No, I-- Hey, Samir.
341
00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:00,821
Samir, tell this guy,
I sleep with men.
342
00:11:01,790 --> 00:11:03,159
I...
343
00:11:03,192 --> 00:11:05,130
[scoffs] This guy? No.
344
00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:07,769
This guy?
If anything, he's homophobic.
345
00:11:07,802 --> 00:11:09,271
No, I'm not. I'm not homophobic.
346
00:11:09,304 --> 00:11:11,409
I heard you before,
I was, like, "Fruity what?"
347
00:11:11,442 --> 00:11:13,146
'Cause I don't-- We don't--
348
00:11:13,179 --> 00:11:14,983
Get the hell out of my store.
349
00:11:15,016 --> 00:11:16,719
Yes, sir.
350
00:11:17,521 --> 00:11:19,024
He sleeps with men.
He does it all.
351
00:11:19,057 --> 00:11:27,609
[Paul]
It's done, it's done. It's over.
352
00:11:27,609 --> 00:11:30,115
So at this point, you and the suspect
exited the train
353
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,052
and made dinner plans?
Is that right?
354
00:11:32,085 --> 00:11:34,090
Yeah, that's right.
355
00:11:34,123 --> 00:11:36,260
And not just one dinner,
but, uh, quote,
356
00:11:36,293 --> 00:11:39,935
"Weekly dinners every Sunday.
357
00:11:39,968 --> 00:11:41,538
"No literally, every Sunday.
358
00:11:41,571 --> 00:11:43,074
"I don't care if it's Christmas,
359
00:11:43,107 --> 00:11:46,180
we are getting
dinner that Sunday."
360
00:11:46,213 --> 00:11:48,184
Yeah. That's correct.
361
00:11:48,217 --> 00:11:49,453
[detective 2]
And then you exchanged numbers
362
00:11:49,486 --> 00:11:51,057
and asked, quote,
363
00:11:51,090 --> 00:11:54,063
"Can white people
and Black people be twins?
364
00:11:54,096 --> 00:11:58,037
Someone call NASA. I feel
like we're literally twins."
365
00:11:59,507 --> 00:12:01,411
Yeah, and what, uh,
what's the question?
366
00:12:01,444 --> 00:12:03,481
Is it normal for you
to act this way
367
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:05,485
towards complete strangers?
368
00:12:05,519 --> 00:12:08,024
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
369
00:12:08,057 --> 00:12:10,228
Okay, I see where
you could get confused there.
370
00:12:10,261 --> 00:12:11,965
So, um, let me explain.
371
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:14,236
So, I feel like for
the average person in society,
372
00:12:14,269 --> 00:12:16,207
they sort of need to turn on
373
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,811
and off. Right?
374
00:12:17,844 --> 00:12:19,948
Like, on... and then
375
00:12:19,981 --> 00:12:21,952
they're off. And I have
376
00:12:21,985 --> 00:12:24,156
this fun little thing
where I, um,
377
00:12:24,189 --> 00:12:25,860
I don't have that problem.
378
00:12:25,893 --> 00:12:27,496
No. So I can
379
00:12:27,530 --> 00:12:29,433
really make a deep,
380
00:12:29,466 --> 00:12:32,172
close, beautiful bond
with anyone, really.
381
00:12:32,205 --> 00:12:33,375
All walks of life.
382
00:12:33,408 --> 00:12:35,012
Yeah.
383
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:36,414
Which some people might
call a "friend slut,"
384
00:12:36,447 --> 00:12:40,455
but I actually call
just being a delight.
385
00:12:40,488 --> 00:12:42,192
So...
386
00:12:42,225 --> 00:12:44,196
But that's-that's me.
387
00:12:44,229 --> 00:12:46,134
Tell me about
yourselves, please.
388
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:48,506
-[sighs] Uh-huh.
-[detective 1] Okay, so
389
00:12:48,539 --> 00:12:50,510
you feel close to this man?
390
00:12:50,543 --> 00:12:52,012
W-Which?
391
00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:54,183
-The perpetrator.
-Oh, yes. Oh, my God.
392
00:12:54,216 --> 00:12:56,387
You should have said that.
100%. Yeah.
393
00:12:56,420 --> 00:12:59,393
You have a-a "deep, intimate
connection" with this man?
394
00:12:59,426 --> 00:13:01,865
Yeah, very much so. Definitely.
395
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:03,902
Good.
396
00:13:05,573 --> 00:13:07,076
-Bring 'em in.
-Hmm?
397
00:13:07,109 --> 00:13:08,879
Who? Yes, bring 'em in.
398
00:13:08,912 --> 00:13:10,916
Get in here. [laughs]
399
00:13:14,456 --> 00:13:15,560
Who are these men?
400
00:13:15,593 --> 00:13:17,462
Which one's the perpetrator?
401
00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:21,871
-Hmm? Uh-- out of, out of these?
-Mm-hmm.
402
00:13:23,441 --> 00:13:25,011
[Anton]
It's just...
403
00:13:25,044 --> 00:13:29,186
hard when they all look
so similar.
404
00:13:29,219 --> 00:13:31,156
♪ ♪
405
00:13:33,929 --> 00:13:36,167
[Issa]
Ooh, what about Davis?
406
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,340
He's into foot stuff,
bondage, piss play.
407
00:13:39,373 --> 00:13:42,178
-Oh, and he's close
to his twin.
-Aww.
408
00:13:44,016 --> 00:13:45,451
Okay, very close.
409
00:13:46,387 --> 00:13:48,926
-Oh, you like that? Oh, my God!
-[both gasp]
410
00:13:48,959 --> 00:13:50,195
It's a connection.
411
00:13:50,228 --> 00:13:51,598
Okay, can you win Feeld?
412
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:53,401
Yeah, you can.
It's the Space Mountain picture.
413
00:13:53,434 --> 00:13:54,671
Yeah, I know,
my boobs are just, like, up.
414
00:13:54,704 --> 00:13:56,441
-Up, yeah, I know. Yeah.
-[doorbell rings]
415
00:13:56,474 --> 00:13:58,244
Hmm.
416
00:13:58,277 --> 00:14:00,482
Seriously, one of the guys
on here is going to give you
417
00:14:00,516 --> 00:14:02,587
such an insane dick-down,
418
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:04,524
you won't even remember
419
00:14:04,557 --> 00:14:07,095
that you're sad, jobless
and in debt. Hmm?
420
00:14:08,231 --> 00:14:09,935
-[door opens]
-Hi.
421
00:14:09,968 --> 00:14:12,206
[Ethan]
Hey. I'm Anton's friend.
Is he home?
422
00:14:12,239 --> 00:14:14,009
[Issa]
Um, no, but he should
be home any minute.
423
00:14:14,042 --> 00:14:15,445
-Do you want to come
wait inside?
-[door closes]
424
00:14:18,384 --> 00:14:19,955
[whispers] Wait. Put your
phone down. It's happening.
425
00:14:19,988 --> 00:14:21,224
What is?
426
00:14:21,257 --> 00:14:22,225
-You're gonna fuck this man.
-What?
427
00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:25,465
Wow.
428
00:14:27,135 --> 00:14:28,939
-I know.
-[inhales]
429
00:14:28,972 --> 00:14:30,375
You know, your mailbox
is really full.
430
00:14:30,408 --> 00:14:31,945
-Oh. [laughs]
-Yeah.
431
00:14:31,978 --> 00:14:32,981
Yeah, we're kind of, like,
saving that
432
00:14:33,014 --> 00:14:34,483
for, like, a weekend project,
433
00:14:34,517 --> 00:14:35,919
-so...
-Cool.
434
00:14:37,255 --> 00:14:39,126
-[whispers] He's so hot.
-I know.
435
00:14:39,159 --> 00:14:40,495
-You literally manifested...
-Yeah, I...
436
00:14:40,529 --> 00:14:42,032
Um, c-- do you want
to come sit down?
437
00:14:42,065 --> 00:14:44,269
-Uh, sure.
-Please, come on.
438
00:14:45,539 --> 00:14:47,376
-Ooh, wow. So strong.
-[Ethan chuckles]
439
00:14:47,409 --> 00:14:48,979
[sighs] So...
440
00:14:49,012 --> 00:14:50,550
Hi. Billie.
441
00:14:50,583 --> 00:14:52,252
Ethan.
442
00:14:52,285 --> 00:14:53,388
So, how do you know Anton?
443
00:14:53,421 --> 00:14:55,593
Oh, uh...
444
00:14:55,626 --> 00:14:58,064
He's my best friend
in the world.
445
00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:00,035
[blows raspberry]
Yeah. Isn't he everybody's?
446
00:15:00,068 --> 00:15:01,538
[mouths]
447
00:15:01,571 --> 00:15:03,141
-Um...
-Uh...
448
00:15:03,174 --> 00:15:04,644
Wine?
449
00:15:04,677 --> 00:15:06,982
-Sure.
-[both laugh]
450
00:15:07,015 --> 00:15:08,519
[Issa]
You know,
I want you to feel at home,
451
00:15:08,552 --> 00:15:10,121
I want you to relax.
452
00:15:10,154 --> 00:15:11,692
We also have some weed,
as well as some PCP
453
00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:13,662
that we've been saving
for a very special night.
454
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:15,600
No, I did it once,
I had the most productive night
455
00:15:15,633 --> 00:15:17,737
of my life. Oh, my God, hey.
456
00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:19,574
-Oh, wait, hi, sweetie.
-[sighs] Hi.
457
00:15:19,607 --> 00:15:20,743
Ugh. Hi.
458
00:15:20,776 --> 00:15:22,279
Anton.
459
00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:23,682
Have we-- I'm so sorry,
have we met?
460
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,087
Anton, it's Ethan.
461
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,456
I-I don't--
462
00:15:27,489 --> 00:15:29,026
Your friend Ethan?
463
00:15:29,059 --> 00:15:31,430
[Issa]
Oh, my God. He does this.
464
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:33,201
-[ringing]
-[fading] Okay, he makes friends
with everyone,
465
00:15:33,234 --> 00:15:35,272
but now it's become
this whole thing.
466
00:15:35,305 --> 00:15:37,610
-Anton?
-[clears throat]
467
00:15:37,643 --> 00:15:40,015
Is everything okay?
468
00:15:40,048 --> 00:15:43,120
Sorry. Just have to use
the restroom.
469
00:15:43,889 --> 00:15:46,294
Okay, he has
a very small bladder.
470
00:15:46,327 --> 00:15:49,033
[indistinct chatter]
471
00:15:49,066 --> 00:15:50,570
-Absolutely ginormous.
-Wow.
-Yeah.
472
00:15:50,603 --> 00:15:52,239
-Um, so...
-Wait, so, where are you from?
473
00:15:52,272 --> 00:15:54,075
♪ ♪
474
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,585
♪ ♪
475
00:16:00,288 --> 00:16:01,725
[whispers] Oh, fuck, fuck.
476
00:16:01,758 --> 00:16:03,629
-You ask, you ask.
-I did the last one. No.
477
00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:05,465
-Please.
-Nope.
478
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,269
Hi, do you guys want
to purchase a shotgun?
479
00:16:07,302 --> 00:16:08,438
-Shotgun?
-No way.
480
00:16:08,471 --> 00:16:09,608
[Russian accent]
My friend.
481
00:16:09,641 --> 00:16:11,712
-Big gun, good price.
-Crazy.
482
00:16:11,745 --> 00:16:14,183
Don't tell, don't tell
the guy in there about us.
483
00:16:14,216 --> 00:16:16,087
-[phone buzzes]
-What's up?
484
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,357
-[regular accent] Anton wants us
to bring home gum.
-Mm.
485
00:16:19,393 --> 00:16:21,130
Look, I-- yeah, I got some.
486
00:16:21,163 --> 00:16:23,702
Okay, sick, that would've been,
like, a whole thing.
487
00:16:26,273 --> 00:16:28,144
-Miss, shotgun?
-[screams]
488
00:16:28,177 --> 00:16:30,181
-Whoa, whoa. Ah.
-Sorry.
489
00:16:35,251 --> 00:16:38,032
Tight, tight, tight jacket
and oh, my God.
490
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:40,135
-Billie, look at these arms.
-Wow, I love your tattoo.
491
00:16:40,168 --> 00:16:41,738
I was literally thinking
about getting one.
492
00:16:41,771 --> 00:16:43,074
Did it hurt?
493
00:16:43,107 --> 00:16:44,276
I don't know.
494
00:16:44,309 --> 00:16:46,080
-I don't really feel pain.
-[gasps]
495
00:16:46,113 --> 00:16:48,350
-Wow.
-Wait, that's so real.
496
00:16:50,221 --> 00:16:52,426
[whispering]
Hey, Billie. Billie.
497
00:16:52,459 --> 00:16:54,496
-Hey, Bill...
-[both mouthing]
498
00:17:01,143 --> 00:17:02,279
[softly]
Yeah, yeah.
499
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:03,515
[choking sounds]
500
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,504
-Anton?
-Yeah, mm-hmm? Mm-hmm?
501
00:17:14,537 --> 00:17:15,672
Are you still making me paella?
502
00:17:16,675 --> 00:17:18,646
-Duh.
-[laughter]
503
00:17:18,679 --> 00:17:20,248
What?
504
00:17:20,281 --> 00:17:21,852
Um, can I talk to you guys
for a second?
505
00:17:21,885 --> 00:17:23,555
Yeah, you two.
Would be great. Yeah.
506
00:17:23,588 --> 00:17:24,691
Let me steal you away.
507
00:17:24,724 --> 00:17:26,160
-Come with me.
-Right now?
508
00:17:26,193 --> 00:17:27,462
-Yep, right now! [laughs]
-Okay, okay.
509
00:17:27,495 --> 00:17:28,699
[Anton laughs]
510
00:17:28,732 --> 00:17:30,636
Right now, girls.
511
00:17:30,669 --> 00:17:32,339
[Issa]
We're gonna be right back, so...
512
00:17:32,372 --> 00:17:33,742
[Anton]
Follow me.
513
00:17:35,813 --> 00:17:38,151
-Stop it, stop, stop. Stop.
-[Anton] In the car. In the car.
514
00:17:38,184 --> 00:17:40,388
-Oh, my God. No, he is so hot.
-He's perfect.
515
00:17:40,421 --> 00:17:41,658
-His eyes are like...
-Go. Get in the car.
516
00:17:41,691 --> 00:17:42,827
-Get in the car.
-Oh, my God!
517
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:44,363
-Jesus Christ, Anton.
-Fuck.
518
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,133
-Okay.
-[Billie] Okay. God.
519
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,271
-He's so hot.
-I know.
520
00:17:48,304 --> 00:17:49,574
-Oh, my God.
-Anton, what are you doing?
521
00:17:49,607 --> 00:17:50,743
Billie is trying
to fuck that guy.
522
00:17:50,776 --> 00:17:52,279
Believe me, okay, she's not.
523
00:17:52,312 --> 00:17:53,849
-Okay, no listen...
-No...
-Hi, um,
524
00:17:53,882 --> 00:17:55,553
we're at 80-03 Forest Street.
525
00:17:55,586 --> 00:17:57,422
Um, the Bayside Stabber
is sitting on my couch.
526
00:17:57,455 --> 00:17:58,726
What are you talking ab...
527
00:17:58,759 --> 00:18:00,529
-[indistinct voice over phone]
-Uh-huh.
528
00:18:00,562 --> 00:18:01,531
[dispatcher] Sir, how did
they get into your house?
529
00:18:01,564 --> 00:18:03,802
-Oh, oh, my God.
-What?
530
00:18:03,835 --> 00:18:05,271
I may have let him follow me
on Find My Friends,
531
00:18:05,304 --> 00:18:06,875
and for that
I am so deeply sorry.
532
00:18:06,908 --> 00:18:09,313
-You have a problem, Anton!
-Okay, you might be right.
533
00:18:09,346 --> 00:18:10,816
No, not you. No, please.
534
00:18:10,849 --> 00:18:12,553
No, I feel a connection
with you. Already, yep.
535
00:18:12,586 --> 00:18:13,922
Oh, my God!
536
00:18:13,955 --> 00:18:15,191
Why are you like this?
537
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:16,394
[door opens]
538
00:18:16,427 --> 00:18:18,866
-Anton.
-[both scream]
539
00:18:18,899 --> 00:18:20,836
No, no, no, no. He's coming,
he's coming towards us.
540
00:18:20,869 --> 00:18:22,674
-Oh, my God.
-He's coming towards us,
he's coming...
541
00:18:22,707 --> 00:18:25,813
It's Sunday, man.
We doing dinner or what?
542
00:18:25,846 --> 00:18:27,717
-Tell him to leave, Anton.
-[Issa] Seriously,
he's a stabber.
543
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:30,254
-You can let him hate you.
-Okay, okay, yeah.
544
00:18:31,691 --> 00:18:32,860
Are you guys heading out?
545
00:18:32,893 --> 00:18:33,896
[Issa quietly]
Yes, yes.
546
00:18:33,929 --> 00:18:35,432
I'll come with.
547
00:18:35,465 --> 00:18:37,202
-Yeah, totally. Hop in.
-[Ethan] Okay.
548
00:18:37,235 --> 00:18:38,672
-I'll go around back.
-What the fuck? Lock the door.
549
00:18:38,705 --> 00:18:40,408
Well, he's getting in
the car now, so...
550
00:18:40,441 --> 00:18:43,347
[crying] I don't want him
to get in the car.
551
00:18:43,380 --> 00:18:44,651
[Issa]
Come on, please.
552
00:18:44,684 --> 00:18:46,353
[Ethan]
Hey, can you pop the trunk?
553
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:48,559
-I've got this bag.
-Hey, he's not your friend.
554
00:18:48,592 --> 00:18:50,563
You can tell him
he's not your friend.
555
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,499
-I obviously can't do that,
Issa!
-Yes, you can.
556
00:18:52,533 --> 00:18:54,938
I believe in you.
We believe in you, don't we?
557
00:18:54,971 --> 00:18:57,409
Tell him. Tell him, Anton.
558
00:18:57,442 --> 00:18:58,645
Tell...
559
00:18:58,678 --> 00:19:00,382
Anton?
560
00:19:00,415 --> 00:19:02,653
-Anton.
-Anton, what are you doing?
561
00:19:02,686 --> 00:19:03,789
[Issa]
Do not run over this man, Anton.
562
00:19:03,822 --> 00:19:05,826
Do not run over this man.
563
00:19:05,859 --> 00:19:07,530
Anton, no, no, don't--
564
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:08,866
do not run over this man!
565
00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:10,936
-[all screaming]
-[crunching]
566
00:19:13,508 --> 00:19:17,249
What did you do?
567
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:18,919
Are you crazy?
568
00:19:18,952 --> 00:19:20,990
Something in me is broken.
569
00:19:21,023 --> 00:19:22,994
I just need to be everything
for everyone,
570
00:19:23,027 --> 00:19:25,331
and now I just killed a man!
571
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,937
[muffled crying]
572
00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:30,810
I'm so tired, I'm so tired,
I'm so fucking tired.
573
00:19:30,843 --> 00:19:32,613
Oh, my-- I am so...
574
00:19:32,646 --> 00:19:34,283
-Why am--
-What the fuck, dude?
575
00:19:34,316 --> 00:19:36,353
-[screaming]
-Oh, my fucking God!
576
00:19:36,386 --> 00:19:38,692
Okay, fucking do it. Just do it.
577
00:19:38,725 --> 00:19:40,763
[clears throat]
578
00:19:40,796 --> 00:19:43,669
Hey. Um... [exhales]
579
00:19:43,702 --> 00:19:45,673
I...
580
00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:48,410
I don't want to be friends
with you.
581
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,218
I'm really sorry.
582
00:19:54,657 --> 00:19:56,694
You could've just said that.
583
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,767
Totally.
584
00:20:02,005 --> 00:20:04,511
-[Issa] Oh, my God.
-[Billie] The police.
585
00:20:04,544 --> 00:20:05,813
-[Anton] Go, go, go.
-Hey! Officer!
586
00:20:05,846 --> 00:20:06,948
-He's over there!
-That's him, Officer.
587
00:20:06,981 --> 00:20:08,552
[Billie]
He's standing over there.
588
00:20:08,585 --> 00:20:09,721
-I'm so sorry.
-[indistinct radio chatter]
589
00:20:09,754 --> 00:20:10,790
What's going on?
590
00:20:10,823 --> 00:20:12,627
Unbelievably sorry about that.
591
00:20:12,660 --> 00:20:14,029
-[Billie] He ran into the alley.
-[Issa] Come on.
592
00:20:14,062 --> 00:20:15,365
-There's a man there.
-[officer] We got visual
593
00:20:15,398 --> 00:20:16,535
on the Bayside Stabber.
594
00:20:16,568 --> 00:20:17,937
-In pursuit.
-Chase him hard!
595
00:20:17,970 --> 00:20:19,841
-He doesn't feel pain.
-[Paul] Wait, what?
596
00:20:19,874 --> 00:20:21,611
That's the Stabber?
597
00:20:21,644 --> 00:20:23,749
-Yeah.
-I know. And Billie
almost fucked him.
598
00:20:23,782 --> 00:20:25,753
But it was too much too fast.
599
00:20:25,786 --> 00:20:27,055
-Yeah, way too much.
-Yeah.
600
00:20:27,088 --> 00:20:28,592
Fucking a stabber is,
like, a nine.
601
00:20:28,625 --> 00:20:29,961
You want to start
at, like, a six.
602
00:20:29,994 --> 00:20:31,531
Yeah, a six or a five.
603
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,501
-[Issa] Ooh, a five, yeah.
-Yeah.
604
00:20:33,535 --> 00:20:34,970
Give me your phone.
605
00:20:35,906 --> 00:20:37,475
Give it.
606
00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:41,918
Okay. Ready?
607
00:20:41,951 --> 00:20:43,956
Red Shirt Tall Guy.
608
00:20:43,989 --> 00:20:45,793
-Delete.
-Mm.
609
00:20:45,826 --> 00:20:48,364
-Michelle Elevator.
-[both] Delete.
610
00:20:48,397 --> 00:20:49,801
Goodbye, Michelle.
611
00:20:49,834 --> 00:20:51,638
-Scarf Guy, Kind Eyes.
-[Billie] Bye.
612
00:20:51,671 --> 00:20:53,509
-No, keep. Keep. Kind.
He's kind.
-[Issa] No. No.
613
00:20:53,542 --> 00:20:55,613
-That doesn't mean anything.
Delete.
-No.
614
00:20:55,646 --> 00:20:57,082
[Issa]
Joe with the Lea-- oh, my God,
you know Joe with the Leash?
615
00:20:57,115 --> 00:20:58,785
[Anton]
Yeah, but he never walks you.
616
00:20:58,818 --> 00:21:01,323
[Issa]
Oh! That is correct. Delete.
617
00:21:01,356 --> 00:21:03,529
-Okay.
-[Billie] Wait, so what happened
with you guys?
618
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:04,931
[Issa]
Oh, yeah, what did happen
to you guys?
619
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,500
-[Paul] Oh...
-[Samir] It's like a...
620
00:21:06,534 --> 00:21:08,839
-Don't even worry about it.
-[laughter]
621
00:21:08,872 --> 00:21:11,010
[Issa]
Okay, Flight Attendant Straight?
622
00:21:11,043 --> 00:21:13,481
Delete. Why would you keep
a straight man?
623
00:21:13,515 --> 00:21:14,651
[Anton groans]
No, dude, he's hot.
624
00:21:14,684 --> 00:21:16,420
-[Issa] Ok-- too bad.
-"Dude"?
625
00:21:16,453 --> 00:21:17,790
-[Issa] Man?
-[Anton] I suddenly,
626
00:21:17,823 --> 00:21:19,594
I almost get stabbed
and I become a bro?
627
00:21:19,627 --> 00:21:21,397
[Billie]
That can happen
after traumatic incidents.
628
00:21:21,430 --> 00:21:23,769
-[laughter]
-[Paul] Oh, Anton,
I got your gum.
629
00:21:23,802 --> 00:21:25,438
♪ Yeah, I was inside ♪
630
00:21:25,471 --> 00:21:27,777
♪ Yeah, a Saturday night
at home ♪
631
00:21:27,810 --> 00:21:32,787
♪ And on the TV they never play
no rock and roll ♪
632
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:37,530
♪ I got tired just gettin' up
on my feet that day ♪
633
00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:41,136
♪ I had to rock and roll a joint
and have a green day ♪
634
00:21:41,169 --> 00:21:44,076
-♪ Yeah ♪
-♪ Yeah, I was inside ♪
635
00:21:44,109 --> 00:21:46,714
♪ Yeah, a Saturday night
at home ♪
636
00:21:47,550 --> 00:21:52,425
♪ And on the TV they never play
no rock and roll ♪
637
00:21:52,458 --> 00:21:57,469
♪ I got tired just gettin' up
on my feet that day ♪
638
00:21:57,502 --> 00:22:01,443
♪ I had to rock and roll a joint
and have a green day. ♪
639
00:22:04,817 --> 00:22:06,854
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
640
00:22:08,858 --> 00:22:20,882
[man]
Ha-ha. Good at bizness.
45529
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