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who wants to get high yeah you up for
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some shall we really get this party
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started shall we
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you're in the mood excellent I've got
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tons you're up for it and there's loads
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there look at this
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I've got cocaine ecstasy speed yeah but
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mine are all Fairtrade organic and 100%
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legal ted approves I checked so don't
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worry today I'm going to talk about how
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to start a speech and that is how every
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speaker should start their speech by
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getting the audience high because let's
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face it when most speeches starts
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delighted to be here ahead groups our
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heart sings of God's sake studies of
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students at universities show their
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brain activity levels during lectures
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are actually lower than they are when
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they're asleep actually lower not the
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same as or a bit higher actually lower
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and no speaker wants that we want a
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speaker's high not low right from the
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get-go and we want to lift their heart
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right from the start so today I am going
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to set out three ways that you can start
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your speech three different drugs that
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you can deal depending on how you want
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your audience to feel the first drug
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that we can deal is dopamine this is the
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one that we want to go for if we want
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our audience to feel like that dope
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dopamine is the pleasure drug it makes
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us feel strong satisfied wonderful it's
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the drug that's released naturally when
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we finish a Sudoku or start taking
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things off a list so how do we get that
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going in a speech simple we start with a
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joke there are heaps of websites and
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books full of one-liners and anecdotes
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just waiting to be reused and recycled
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most speakers have one or two of these
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up their sleeve that they're just ready
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to shove allows anytime that they want
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to and it doesn't matter whether it's an
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old shaggy-dog story or a Churchill
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anecdote or a Seinfeld one-liner as long
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as it makes people laugh that's all that
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matters
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so my own go-to gag if I can try it on
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you is is is is one about Einstein so
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Einstein during the 1920s he was going
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basically all over Europe making the
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same speech over and over again about
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the theory of relativity
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on one of these occasions it's driver
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was taking him there and his driver said
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Oh God's sake you doing that same bloody
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speech again today I swear over to do
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this so many times now I could deliver
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it myself word-for-word and Einstein who
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had a mischievous sense of humor said
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okay then I've got an idea
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why don't I dress like the driver and
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I'll stand at the back of the room and
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you go you deliver my lecture and we'll
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see how your door rights drivers law
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would give it a go give it a go
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and Einstein stood at the back of the
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room and he watched with Wonder as his
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driver delivered this incredibly
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complicated lecture absolutely
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WordPerfect but then someone in the
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audience asked this humdinger of a
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question so complicated no layman could
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have dared to understand it but the
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driver he did not miss a beat he said
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very good question and of course it
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sounds very complicated but the answer
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to it is so simple even my driver can
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tell you so anyone can learn a gag like
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that but it's also worth having a few
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one-liners up your sleeve just for in
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case anything goes wrong at the
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beginning as it invariably does so
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someone laughs it will Cheers
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embarrassingly loudly so glad you came
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mum a phone rings halfway through your
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speech can you tell Barak I'm busy right
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now but I'll call him straight back
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there's a crash at the back of the room
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look I don't mind people checking their
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watch when I get up to speak I do
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objects when they collapsed to the floor
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or
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the technology fails as he variably
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happens and you can always use every
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blokes ultimate fallback line I'm so
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sorry this has never happened to me
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before
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the power of self-deprecating humor is
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immense it reduces even the most pompous
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speaker and elevates the audience making
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them feel superior which is why of
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course they love it
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it's also a sign of supreme confidence
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on the part of the speaker and so the
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the late comedian the late great Bob
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Monkhouse was a master of this everybody
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laughed when I said I wanted to be a
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comedian ha they're not laughing anymore
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are they or I saw a businessman start
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his speech the other day where he opened
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up remember in this conversation that
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had had with his wife at the breakfast
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table this morning where he turned her
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and said did you ever in your wildest
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dreams imagined that one day I would be
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running one of the largest companies on
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the planet to which she replied darling
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you never featured in any of my wildest
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dreams or the politician I saw given his
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speech the other day where he opened up
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sin last week I dreamt I was given a
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speech to the House of Lords and then I
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woke up discovered I actually was given
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a speech to the House of Lords so these
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are the kind of ways we want to open if
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we want our audience looking like that
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but we don't always want our audience
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looking like that
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sometimes we want our audience looking a
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little bit like this if that's the case
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the drug we deal is oxytocin oxytocin is
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the empathy drug the love drug it makes
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us feel all warm fuzzy and gooey it's
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the same hormone that's released
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naturally when mothers are breastfeeding
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when we're holding
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hands cuddling making love or when we're
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listening to a great speech because
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great speeches always include stories
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you think about any of the great
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speeches that you've seen over the last
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year and I'm thinking what / Winfrey
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pink Michelle Obama Emma Watson people
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like this they're all telling stories
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and you see this is the thing there's a
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myth about speech making that you tell
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them what you're gonna tell them then
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you tell him it and then you tell them
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what you've just told him and that is
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like tell your audience you're gonna be
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boring then be boring and then tell your
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audience you have just been boring you
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can't stamp a point into someone's head
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and in fact the only reaction that that
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is likely to get is it's gonna make them
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want to stamp you on the hitch in return
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simply a certain to an audience
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something like our values matter our
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corporate values matter has zero
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persuasive value so what you find the
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best speakers will do is they'll make
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their points but they'll be wrapped up
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in a story and I'm in a good story like
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a movie or a novel where you have a
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strong hero scary antagonists and a big
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big goal the story might be metaphorical
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like Churchill's Iron Curtain or Hillary
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Clinton's smashing through the glass
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ceiling or Donald Trump draining the
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swamp the story might be historical from
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someone we admire like Cleopatra to
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Confucius Malala to Mandela Jane Austen
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to John Lennon but for me the best
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stories are the personal ones so I'm
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gonna tell you got on its truth as I was
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coming here today I had a call with my
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wife where my wife was in tears because
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this afternoon her sister had a baby boy
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and this is absolutely food so can we
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please have a round of applause for my
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sister-in-law Zoey
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and she's in truth Brie at the moment
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and a bit of my heart is there now
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because I've got two daughters I've got
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Charlotte who's nine and Alice who six
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and and Zoe was with us when both of
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those little girls were born and I tell
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you I remember when Alice was born
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Charlotte was born and it was a doddle
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when Alice was born it was very very
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difficult the maternity ward was
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understaffed and she ended up being born
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very very quickly and as a result when
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she was born she was struggling to
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breathe and so she went into the special
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care unit for the first nine days of her
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life and she's absolutely fine now
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before anyone worries back at school
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today but the thing was was that this
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was the worst time of my life
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because we didn't know whether she was
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going to make it through or not me and
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my wife will literally go into the
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hospital every waking hour and checking
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on her I was drawing pictures of her
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because we thought that that was all
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that we might have you know my
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mother-in-law came down to stay to look
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after our eldest daughter so as if
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things weren't hard enough but the thing
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that I really remember about this is
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that all of the time when I was going in
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there to see Alice in the incubator next
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to her there were two twins and they
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were the tiniest babies that I have ever
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seen before in my whole life and they
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were so small you could hold them in the
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palm of your hand like that it was a
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miracle they were alive and all the time
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me and my wife were going in to see
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Alice no one came in to see these twins
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no one not once
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and whereas Alice had her name on her
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incubator Alice Elizabeth Lancaster
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these twins the charts marking their
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progress were simply marked a and B I
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asked the doctor who ran the ward what
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the story was and she said oh they were
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born to a teenage girl from the valleys
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had given them up for adoption
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and so you see I think back to that and
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I think about how Alice we had
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everything ready for her her cot was
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ready her room was ready her sister
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couldn't wait to play with her Auntie
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Zoey couldn't wait to play with her
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grandparents couldn't wait to take her
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out to the park you know we knew what
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school she was going to everything was
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sorted out and for these two little
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twins what did they have
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what future lies ahead for them so if
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there's one thing I think we should all
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be trying to do it's trying to make sure
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that kids like that
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have the same opportunities we would
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wish for our own children don't you
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so was that more persuasive forgive me
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share in the story but you kind of do
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have to do it to demonstrate what's
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happened and the thing is is that if we
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went round now and we checked all of
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your blood levels what we would find for
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most of you would be higher levels of
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oxytocin because we've connected your
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shared my story you've seen the world
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through my eyes not for all of you on
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the balance of probability at least six
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of the people in this room are actually
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psychopathic and incapable of empathy
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and by the way I think I've got you I've
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got you I know which ones you are but
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for the rest of you you would have
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higher levels of oxytocin and this is
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critical the neuroscientist Paul Zak has
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shown there's a direct correlation
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between our oxytocin levels and our
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susceptibility to persuasion and he's
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carried out a series of fascinating
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experiments in this including one where
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people were asked to lend money to a
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stranger and he found that not only
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could you predict who would give money
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to strangers based on nothing more than
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their oxytocin levels you could even
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predict how much money they would give
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them absolutely extraordinary so there's
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the real clinch you know stories
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entertain stories persuade but stories
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get people to
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you money you know and this of course is
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why children in need is so successful
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it's why stories feature so prominently
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within advertising campaigns and it's
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why stories are a great way for you to
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start your speech if you want your
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audience to look a little bit like that
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but we don't always want our audience
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looking like that sometimes we want our
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audience looking a little bit like this
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so how do we do that how do we do that
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how do we make them look like that
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what's the answer how do we do it come
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on how do we do it for goodness sake
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well just like that we ask a question
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all of your faces absolutely right like
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that this is that this is the the
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University lecture how to wake up your
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audience and the thing is is that when
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you ask an audience a question like that
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they have increased levels of cortisol
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cortisol is the stress drug the fear
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drug it raises our heartbeat focuses our
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attention increases our energy levels it
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gets us ready for fight or flight very
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very instinctive and you get it by
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asking questions and so this is why
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asking questions is something you'll see
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real high-pressure speakers do like
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we're you know evangelists or salesman
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or stand-up comedians if they want to
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shut up the audience they'll just flip
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it back on them and you see very
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powerful speakers doing it as well so it
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might be an emotional question you could
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ask an emotional question how many of
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you have lost someone that you really
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loved
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it could be a factual question did you
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know that the rural richest 46 people on
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the planet have the same wealth as the
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poorest 50% of people on the planet you
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could fit the richest people on a
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double-decker bus it could be a kind of
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philosophical question why are we all
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here today while we meet in today nor
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yesterday not tomorrow but here and now
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what is it that's brought us together
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what magical force is it that's brought
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us together are we just here to swap
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business cards or are we here because
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we've got something deeper in common the
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best speakers though the best speakers
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were last kind of prolonged questions
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which present like a moral dilemma and
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there's one guy I saw do this absolutely
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amazingly not so long ago and so he
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opened up like this he said right it's
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1935 India and you're Mahatma Gandhi you
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are running to catch a train just as the
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train is leaving the station and as you
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board the train one of your sandals
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comes off and falls under the train onto
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the track what do you do do you board
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the train carry on getting on the train
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or do you go back to the platform so you
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can retrieve your sandal I'd like you
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just to think about that we'll come back
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to that at the end what completely threw
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us and then he went into the body of his
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speech where he started talking about
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leadership his theories on leadership
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and it was all stories and questions and
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jokes and all the time I couldn't get
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this image of Gandhi out of my mind it
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is just absolutely it was wedged in my
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mind and then it got to the end of his
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speech and almost as an afterthought he
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said oh yes
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Gandy the station he asked for a show of
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hands so how many people would have got
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on the train just for show of hands how
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many of you would have gone back to
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retrieve your sandal fantastic well let
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me tell you what Gandhi actually did
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what he did was he took off his
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remaining sandal and he threw it onto
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the track under the Train and when his
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companion said why did you do that
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Gandhi replied well so whoever finds
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them has a complete wear pair of sandals
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for them to wear genius a question and a
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story and it makes so many points
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doesn't it like about values about
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compassion thinking rationally under
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pressure you know about showing there's
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always an alternative to fight all or
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flight's but critically it creates
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feelings and that's what all of this is
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about questions stories jokes they
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create feelings as mayor Angelou wrote
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people will forget what you said they'll
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forget what you did but they will never
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ever forget how you made them feel and
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this guy he made us feel amazing we felt
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connected we felt as one and this is
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what great speakers do and it's how they
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create followers and it's how they
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builds movements with the promise of
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feelings making us feel joyful making us
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feel proud making us feel connected
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making us feel like we belong making us
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feel part of something bigger than
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ourselves that's what keeps us coming
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back and that's what gets us evicted
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because we are always craving more and
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great leaders
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always keep us wanting more which takes
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me to my final point how do you end a
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speech well there's only one way to do
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that
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