Original subtitles

Oh my god!

10% of all hoarding cases involve extremely

haunted properties.

Rockford, Ohio, March 19th, 2017.

A group of reality show experts set out

to reform a hoarder with several condemned homes.

This is how the ultimately reality show

turned into a deadly nightmare.

Welcome to Extremely Haunted Hoarders.

We're gonna make reality show history.

And we have made quite the alarming discovery.

This is disgusting.

I've never seen so much shit in my life.

This has been a big job but I'm not done yet.

You're gonna clean this fucking shit up right now

or you're going to jail.

Die you fuck!

So we have 48 hours to bring this place up to code.

One, two, three.

Let's get to work.

This is Extremely Haunted Hoarders.

Rockford, Ohio was once a booming Lake Eerie

shipping hub.

Where the industrial East met the sprawling West.

Nowadays, Rockford has fallen on rough times.

Addiction and hoarding are prevalent.

Rockford, Ohio used to be just such a great place.

It slid, its way down.

Just a fucking dump.

Crime rates are high, lots of drug use, crack heads.

People are up to move somewhere else to find a job.

I love this town.

There's a lot to do, there's uh,

lot of chicks in this town and I fucking love it.

I think Donald Trumps gonna make Rockford, Ohio

great again.

We got three basic problems in this place.

Number on, property values.

Number two, drug abuse.

Very very bad drug abuse

and number three is the hoarding.

I know a couple of hoarders, yes.

Everybody in this town is a hoarder.

We have the most hoarders per capita in the US.

Sheila Smyth and Dr. Lance Ebe

have been reforming hoarders across the Rust Belt

for the last three years.

Welcome to Rockford.

Showrunner Sheila Smyth

has rejuvenated hundreds of hoards.

Hi, my name is Sheila Smyth

and I'm a professional organizer

and interior designer specializing

in hoarder decluttering.

Dr. Ebe's patients have a relapse rate

of 94%.

In a peculiar way, the patient that we are treating

is actually the entire town.

Alright, its time to meet our guy.

Meet Murph Evans.

75 years old, born and raised in Rockford.

Breakfast?

Oh well, I had chicken liver for breakfast.

That's a delicacy if you cook it right.

Chicken livers are ripe for giving.

I get it when its on 50% off.

I got to get everything at 50% off.

I'm a 50% man.

Murph Evans has been collecting

antique furniture and cluttering properties

for the last 50 years.

This room here looks pretty bad,

looks like a lot of stuff.

There's art, all of great importance in here

but there are some nice things

if you, if you search.

Every Sunday, the town convenes

at the Rockford auction and Murph Evans is a regular.

This is catnip for hoarders.

When you go in, you don't know what you're gonna find.

The element of surprise that makes auctions

so much fun.

I believe that the entire town

is suffering and is culpable

to some degree, in this illness

and will have to be treated.

It is disorder writ large.

Sold for $300 there.

Number 110 to buy it.

Number 110.

Oh that shotgun at the auction.

That's a beauty.

That's a real treasure.

That's a real wall hanger, that one.

Piece at a time, piece at time from auctions,

that's for sure.

Murph Evans owns at least

three condemned properties, that we know of.

Named after their former owners.

Nobody in the history of reality programs

has ever tackled a hoarder with three properties.

The Gothic and forlorn Lemon house.

The Manjuris house, Victorian haunt on the hill.

The Neiland farmhouse, a former cauliflower ranch.

Murph Evans is a phenomenal hoarder.

Every time he acquires something and runs out of space,

he goes out and finds another house

and this is extraordinary,

this is a highly evolved, very aggressive form

of hoarding.

It appears to have ambition.

You get so many chairs,

you sometimes, got to buy four

to get the one you want.

Typically the hoarder will stay in one place,

like a nest, and cover themselves in filth.

In Murph's case, there are satellite nests.

There is almost an entity that needs to be satisfied

in spite of what I call a typical hoarder's,

you know, behavior, which is to be inert,

stationary, and filth covered.

In Murph's case, he's out going from property

to property, auctions, all sorts of things,

acquiring these pointless pieces of shit, really

and then farming it out to different homes

and this is why I think the town

is in fact the patient,

it is in danger of being taken over

by a viral hoarding disorder.

He cannot let go of anything.

Its a sickness.

The place is a pigsty.

The man is an animal.

Time does run out and energy runs out.

So either you smarten up and clean this shit up

or we're coming back here, we're condemning the place,

you lose everything, alright.

You got that?

Yes, I worry about my teams, for sure.

I mean we'll all be crawling through

a twisted mans mind

and that can get pretty dangerous.

Yeah I think all this reality TV

is just a bunch of bullshit.

Its just all staged and made up

just to entertain the idle people with idle minds.

With the clock ticking before

he loses everything,

Murph Evans agrees to open his door

to our experts in a desperate bid

to save his properties.

The contractor team has arrived in Rockford

to stock up for the job ahead.

Grab some of those knee pads, you're gonna need em.

Derek Jago and the Falcon

and Toledo's greatest house flippers.

Company I represent is the Duke of Hazard.

That's why they call me the Duke.

Mostly I roll around with a guy they call the Falcon.

Name is Tony Fennick, 34 years old.

Yeah I've been working with jack off here

for about five years.

He's a little yappy but uh,

that's what ear plugs are for.

Promises me a promotion every time

but I doubt it.

By the looks of it, I don't know,

between us, I think he's kind of losing it.

He's not so mentally stable.

What the fuck?

See what I mean?

That work for ya?

I would compare Duke to being like a sledgehammer

and I'm more like a chisel.

Hey come on, I know they don't got those

in El Salvador but we got em here.

So I'm Maltese, very proud of it.

Most people don't even know where Malta is.

What nationality do it think the Falcon is?

Do you accept pesos?

I don't know.

Korean?

Try to keep those little legs up to speed,

okay chief?

I take shitholes and make em livable.

That's a nightmare.

I'm the best at what I do.

If you get the Duke, you're getting perfection.

With three homes to clean up,

the contractors must recruit a local day worker.

Holy fuck.

Welcome to the jungle.

My last job?

This is my last job.

My name is Charles Ivey.

I'm born and raised Rockford.

You, come here.

No, no.

You, you want a job?

Yes I do.

Get in.

Alright.

You're missing the beauties.

Don't know what you're missing.

How can we be sure that this is a haunted hoard?

Well we can't be sure until we get the team in there

processing the site

but in Murph Evans case, we know for a fact

that several of the properties that he purchased

were documented hot zones.

Caleb and Chloe Black

are Northern Ohio's most renowned paranormal

ghost hunters.

I dabble in ESP.

Astroplanes, precog, truly connecting to spirits.

Caleb here, he's the tech guy.

Our outfit in nocturnal frequency

has been going strong for five years now.

We've been looking for our time to shine.

We've been building up the Instagram.

Working on the YouTube.

Rockford is the epicenter of something.

There are so many tainted and scary spirits here.

This place is alive.

You name it, we've seen it.

We got the Zanesville lobster boy.

Made a nine hour web series out of that encounter.

The Akron chill event.

Eighty degrees outside

except for this one particular park bench,

sit down, freeze your ass off.

The Paducah angel.

First recorded entity that is bisexual.

It was a rough patch for Chloe and I.

We are now divorced.

So we're lucky enough to be here

with one of Rockford's finest.

Bylaw Officer Chapman.

So can you tell me what would happen if Murph

can't get his homes up to code in time?

Well he'll lose everything for starters.

All his shit, his homes, his dignity.

Regional township of Rockford

grants me the power to condemn any hoarded houses

within 60 days of a violation.

Sadly, Murph Evans has 20 of those.

So I'm just waiting for the court order to come in

before the township can confiscate these properties.

So on day one we like to dive right in.

What's it gonna take to clear these places

and to be honest with you, is it even possible?

Each of our teams have been assigned

a house to inspect.

I personally will be inspecting the farm house

with Dr. Ebe and Murph Evans.

So you found the Neiland's house.

This is the oldest one of all.

It was built in 1869.

Its almost an Antebellum.

Oh sorry, you scared me.

Murph Evans? Yeah.

I'm Sheila, I spoke to you on the phone last week.

I thought there'd be 10 of youse coming today.

Well its just for me now.

Well you can't get in there.

There's a whole bunch of shit piled in there,

so you'll have to come this way.

Okay.

If you'd given me a bit of time here,

I could of had some of this stuff piled up a bit neater,

but, however. That's okay.

Can't change it now.

It was a very unique experience for me

inspecting the farmhouse.

I have never felt this sense of fear

anywhere I've been before.

Come onto this room here.

Have a look at this.

It just has this really negative energy about it.

Oh my.

I can barely walk in here.

It's oppressive clutter.

I have seen the worst and this is the first time

I have felt personally threatened by trash.

This is gonna be a bigger job than I thought.

Well no, a lot of the stuff I'm not as attached

to as they're making out I am.

So you have a lot of picture frames.

Oh yeah, I got some good ones here.

And a lot of these old portraits,

you can tell they propped them up after they died

and took the picture.

A lot of it is just sitting there waiting

maybe to find like a mate for it

to make up a set or something like that

and it may never get used

it may always be an orphan just sitting there

waiting to find another one like it

or the proper place for it.

And so do you think there's any,

any way you could get rid of a few

and just keep some of your favorites?

Well I want to match them up for pairs and that

before I even think of getting rid of anything.

See what you can get for pairs

and maybe there wouldn't be many left.

Do you think its necessary to keep all of them?

Pairs are important.

Right.

Some things I'm terribly attached to,

other things are just kinda sitting there in waiting.

Who's this guy?

Who's that guy?

Oh that's the cutest little teddy bear.

I don't know where it ever came from

but its so well done, the little,

the little, uh, leather pads on the paws

and that are just so cute.

Oh it is cute.

Is this one a keeper?

Well I'll keep sure.

Yeah? He's cute.

He's passed the test, he's cute.

Everything's cute that's in here.

It doesn't matter what it is.

Just a room of treasures.

And you don't, you don't feel like you could

let go of any of them?

No, no not many anyway.

I'd have to be pretty,

it have to be a pretty good day for me,

cause I said, I do want to get pairs

and things all matched up

and I just, sometimes I said there's lots

that will never get hung up

but pairs are important.

Dr. Ebe peels into two hours late

to the farmhouse.

Its all about the clock, Ebe therapy.

Its crunch time.

I don't got, you know, a year to work on a guy

with talk therapy or pharmacological cures

none of that bullshit.

This is like, I got 10 minutes

to turn this around.

I just look at him like that.

Look him right in the eye.

I tell him, we don't have time to fuck around.

This space we're in right now,

what is your plan?

Well, get rid of some of the lesser pieces

and then the real good stuff,

Ross is gonna help me carry them

up to the third floor.

Who's that, I wonder?

Oh that will be Dr. Ebe.

How is he gonna get in?

Well I'll go and get him from the back.

Maybe I can get through.

Just a minute.

Just maybe we can manage this.

See what we can do.

There.

Well I can't wait for you to meet our doctor, Murph.

I don't need a doctor, I need somebody

to help me carry stuff up to the third floor.

Murph Evans?

Dr. Ebe.

Get in here at all, is it?

Okay.

Sheila, how you doing?

I'm well.

Jesus quick, help me.

Help me.

Show me around this goddamn place.

Okay, come on upstairs.

The Neiland farmhouse was a very curious place.

It was very hard to move around in that house.

It's clearly a maze and a impossible frustrating environment.

Just didn't really look like a hoarder house.

It looked like a warehouse, frankly,

of furniture that was stacked in them most curious way.

Mostly it had headboards and settees,

a new word I just heard,

bureaus, things like that

and he knew the provenance of each one.

That's the base of a Davenport.

That's a seven foot double pedestal

Mahogany Georgian sideboard.

This is your John Hall Empire.

This is another Heinzman,

see there you are, Gerard Heinzman.

I don't know where we're gonna start with this.

Even Sheila Smyth, a seasoned professional,

is apprehensive.

She can feel the despair within the walls

of Neiland house.

Nobody's died here since I can remember

but I'm quite sure that back in the 1800s

when everybody died at home with the neighbor

helping to do whatever they had to do

that there probably has been people die here.

The spirit workers get their first look

at the Lemon house.

They have the most challenging task of all.

The removal of unwanted guests.

Mrs. Lemon was sick here for the last

many many years.

She'd be sitting out on the porch here

with all her oxygen goodies on

so she lived to be quite old

but I don't know whether anyone died here or not.

You'd have to, I guess, have a ghost machine

or something to find that one out.

Alright, infrared thermometer?

Got it.

Voice recorder? Yep.

UV light? Roger that.

Flash light? Got it.

Blue prints? Check.

Laser grid? Roger.

Lighter? Check.

First aid kit? Affirmative.

EVP decoder? That's a big yes.

Night vision head gear? Got that, too.

Batteries? No.

Light meter.

Check, check, check yes, got it, yes.

Right, looks like we have everything we need here.

No we're missing something.

Something important.

THC incinerator.

Kaboom.

When we arrived to the Lemon house,

it was a disaster.

I mean clutter everywhere.

The entire house had this vibe

of depression and sadness

and something definitely had a hold over it.

Hey Chloe.

Setting up here.

Murph Evans has crammed the Lemon house

with his bursting inventory of antique furniture.

You can definitely feel something in here.

Psychic, Chloe Black,

has isolated an ominous vibration

in the first floor parlor room

that was the sight of a botched suicide attempt in 1908.

Hey Chloe!

Shit.

Oh those ghost hunters.

They're stupid as hell.

They're running around with them battery charger things

roped onto them and they don't know

their ass from a hole in the ground.

They are really really stupid.

Hello.

All our scopes, meters, dials, and doo hickies

were just going off the radar.

I didn't know what to think of it.

Hey, Chloe!

Where you at?

You need to set up the EMT right away.

Where?

Upstairs.

You want them all entirely?

Everything.

We need all hands on deck, let's go.

Right got it, we're doing it.

Done.

We're standing on the porch of the Manjuris house.

George Manjuris had died in 48

and there was virtually nothing done with it

til I got it in 2000.

The contractors have arrived

to the property to determine whether this will

be a tear down or a rental job.

Alright, listen up, boys.

Falcon I'll be watching you like a hawk.

Ivey you let me down,

I'm gonna fuck you up and down.

Jago snapped when he saw the house.

New born baby Jesus, this place is a mess.

Ease drops, non existent.

Stair raisers, completely too small.

Shit.

Holy fuck, look at the windows.

Need all new windows.

Who's paying for this?

Not you.

Falcon, would you look at this foundation?

It looks like it was built in 16 fucking fuck me.

You're never done fixing.

As long as you're living, you'll be fixing.

Something will be falling off or rotting away.

There's always something.

Little is known about Chuck Ivey

and his presence on set is unsettling.

How do I describe myself in one sentence?

I like to help people.

I love the heavy metal music and I love cats.

I was pretty excited about the initial inspection

of the Manjuris house.

I've walked by it so many times.

There's, there's so many ghost stories and stuff like that.

Where the fuck is Ivey?

So we've just finished with the outside inspection,

now its time to go inside.

Its giver.

What are you laughing at?

The pressure is on.

The Duke will have to gut and repair three properties

in just three days.

Obviously stage five mold over here.

Shut up, Falcon.

That's barely a four.

So the house has had quite a career

but inside its totally original.

It has never been renovated.

When I walked in there,

there was everything from ceilings falling down

to looks like fat ladies were having line dance

lessons on the floors and it was just a mess.

Definitely knobs and tubes got to be changed.

Well where do you start?

Sulfur in the water.

The walls are falling apart.

Lead paint.

If the Manjuris house is an indication

of how the rest of this jobs gonna go.

I think its gonna be a tear down.

Doesn't seem like the houses are livable

as they are now.

It's a bit of a maze getting through it

but however, we've all done worse.

Oh here's something interesting.

First inspection of the Manjuris house,

what a beauty.

Got water damage right here,

the wall papers out of control.

More water damage up there.

We got a broken window.

I notice that there's gonna be a lot more work

than initially was told.

That's par for the course.

Looks like a skunk and a raccoon had a fight.

Yeah we got our work cut out for us up here.

They don't understand, the Duke's got a lot

of work to do and just can't pussy fart around

at any job.

This place is creepy, man.

Still works.

Dr. Ebe sits down with Murph Evans,

to conduct his initial assessment.

The strategy I'm using with Murph,

is something I call intensive short term

shame based psychotherapy.

I am interested in your feelings.

For instance, how do you feel

when you see strangers walking around,

like we are today,

through your frankly disgusting house?

Tripping over your garbage.

How does it make you feel?

Why, do you find me disgusting?

To tell you the truth,

I prefer to ask the questions myself, okay.

Well fire away, then.

I don't have one right now.

This requires a real beating up of the person.

Bruising that personality,

making it uncomfortable

until its banished completely from the psyche.

You know these things are getting thrown out

into a bin, right?

I don't need no damn bin, I'm not that desperate.

The best way to do that

is to hold up a mirror and say, look, this is you.

The world sees you this way.

You're a fucking asshole.

Change right fucking now.

You get mail here?

You ever got a letter?

You ever written a letter?

You ever opened a letter?

Huh, from your sweetheart,

you got a sweetheart?

I'm not thinking not.

Dr. Ebe, he's a mess.

He's all flubby and cutty

and he's had the good life

even though he isn't any good.

All this stuff is going into a landfill,

You know that.

I don't know why.

Why would you tear down a house

or throw stuff away just cause things need moved or fixed.

Mr. Evans, I want you to listen to yourself.

There is no running water here.

There is no plumbing in this house.

There is no heat.

How do you live here?

I don't live here.

What?

I don't live here.

Hell no, I'm not that stupid.

I just use it to store things.

Let me get this straight.

You don't live here?

No. What?

No.

Sheila!

Yeah, I'm in here.

Word with Ebe, please.

What is it, Ebe?

You know he doesn't even live here.

What, Murph doesn't live here?

No.

What do you mean, where does he live?

I don't know.

Are you gonna crack this guy?

He seems a little...

A little uncomplicated, eh?

That's what I think.

He's a little uncomplicated.

Yeah I've got to get out of here.

You know, for a guy with hoarder, uh.

Sheila?

Yeah, what is it Ebe?

God, I love you.

Here's a new one, pooper in the pantry.

No, no I did not put that there.

I'm not to that stage in life yet,

that I need a shitter in the pantry.

I will have that taken out, if I live long enough.

By the time I take it out, probably I will be old enough

to need it.

I have irritable bowl syndrome,

like gut rye.

Hangs out of you you name it, its going on down there.

Weak stomach.

I should of told the guys that

but I think it will be okay.

These pipes are looking bad.

They all need to be redone.

Yeah a little PVC.

At least the furnace is new.

At least the furnace is new.

What are you worried about warming your tiny little nuts?

Ah shit.

Ivey, where are you?

I'm gonna.

Get done here now...

So when I got blasted through the pipe with shit,

you know, most people would fold up

and leave right there

but you know what?

That's not what the Duke does.

The Duke's had some adversity in his life.

He deserves what he gets.

He's just a smart ass, doesn't know shit from puddy.

So we've just finished our inspection

of the Neiland farmhouse and right now,

I guess we're just waiting on you Dr. Ebe.

Me?

Uh, he is an eccentric with a blind spot.

He's doing great damage to himself

and I believe that blind spot

is pride based.

Murph, where you going?

Bullshit.

Why, where do you think he's really going?

I got an idea.

Let's follow him in the Trans Am.

I took an Ambien, so you'll have to drive.

Great.

Sheila and Lance must keep tabs

on their patient.

There is a high risk of relapse

at this early stage of treatment.

Where you going, Murphy.

There's something us he's not telling us, Sheila.

Murph told us he was heading to the Lemon house

and as we followed him, we discovered

he was going to Value Village,

which was quite disappointing to me.

Why?

Why, Murph?

What do you need?

Some gloves, a vase, what the fuck?

You know, you've got everything.

Wait here, I've got this.

Okay, just wait.

Okay, so I've just followed Murph here,

Dr. Ebe and I and not the best way

to start day one.

He's obviously in there buying some more junk.

Watch what you're doing.

Sorry.

Just as Dr. Ebe suspected.

Evan's is in major setback.

The compulsive subject

is observed selecting random, pointless items.

Hats, shirts, diapers, and baby food.

Something I can help you with?

No I'm good, thank you.

I think its time that you've left.

No I was just going, okay thanks.

Okay, goodnight.

Yeah, thank you.

When they caught me at Value Village,

I didn't feel really anything.

I know a lot of people there and I wasn't buying much.

Anyway, its my business.

The ghost hunters must now face

the Lemon house.

A legendary portal to hell in Rockford folklore.

Chloe is beginning to suspect

that the Lemon house is ground zero

for a number of extreme hauntings.

There's so many off vibrations in this place.

Chloe, I'm coming.

Caleb, where are you?

Bedroom, the end of the hall.

Real bad odor.

Oh my god, here too.

What do you think it is?

Familiar smell.

Can't quite put my finger on it.

Salty sweet.

Mostly socks.

Oh yeah.

Switching to black light mode.

Okay fine, socks.

Can we please move on now?

Oh oh yeah.

Copious ejaculate.

Someones been whacking off into these argyles.

Well at least there's some finery.

Oh crusty.

Like a burnt pita.

This is nice.

Biohazard.

Call the rental guys.

This is gorgeous.

At least they had some class.

Hang on, Chloe.

I'm coming.

Do not touch anything.

I repeat, do not touch anything.

Chloe.

Chloe?

What?

Remove the kerchief.

Why?

It looks nice, don't you think?

Chloe.

Get it, get it off.

Caleb get it off, get it off.

No I don't want it.

Its clear.

You're clear

What the fuck?

Sheila and Ebe have tracked Murph across

town to a mysterious undisclosed location.

Behold, property number four.

The Maitland house.

What is this place?

I don't know, Sheila.

Oh this is so creepy.

God damn it, what's he doing in there?

He's keeping all these secrets and I'm nervous

that there's gonna be a lot of surprises

that we are not anticipating.

This is the place.

This is what he's been hiding all along.

Goddamn it, Sheila.

This is gold.

What the fuck was that?

Well the Maitland house was a big shock.

The fact that Murph Evans was keeping

this from us, I can't treat someone

who keeps secrets.

Stay put.

Ebe's gonna check it out.

Ebe, Ebe.

You're sick in the fucking head.

Be honest about it.

Don't hide shit

and so he hid Maitland's from us

and its clearly where it all goes down.

That's where it started.

I have no doubt

and I believe that's where its gonna end up.

Ebe, I am the showrunner.

You need my approval.

What are you,

where did you get that jacket from?

Ebe, I don't know about this.

Goddamn it, Murph Evans, its Doc Ebe.

Open this fuckin' door.

Okay, I think we should go.

This seems dangerous.

What an invasion of privacy

cause they haven't any clue what they're looking at

or what they're doing.

Alright, Murph, what's going on in here?

What are you guys doing here?

What is going on...

Jesus.

What is that?

I can smell dead animals, dead flesh.

It is a disgusting place where perhaps

one of the most highly evolved hoarders

in my career has amassed a hideous shrine

to his internal demon.

We ended up discovering this house

which had the most horrendous reek

coming out of it.

That is the smell of rotting flesh.

Feces, god damn rotting animals.

I don't really know what's in there

and I'm so nervous to find out.

Okay, I don't understand.

Is this a whole other house?

Yeah, this is where I live.

This is the Maitland house.

Okay, we are not going in there tonight.

We need some sort of biohazard team here.

Alright.

You're making me feel bad.

Is there any other things we need to know?

Any secrets you're hiding?

Not that I know of.

Would you like the midnight tour?

Okay guys.

We got to be super quiet up here

cause this attics infested with bees.

Well let's be careful because I am extremely allergic.

I think.

I've had a hell of a time with the bees.

They uh, they can move faster than I can

and there was many times I wanted to do a job

and they wouldn't let me even do it.

Shit.

Okay get ready.

Blast those motherfuckers, Chuck.

Oh fuck. Run, you dickheads.

Shit, you got to be kidding me.

Oh bees in the attic.

I tell these idiots to be quiet

and what do they do?

Make a huge ruckus.

I think Falcon little ass got taken out of there

by a couple of the big ones.

So day one is done

and this by far is the shittiest project

we've ever done.

You okay?

Yeah I'm alright.

So that's day one in the can.

Which is to say the can is empty.

We didn't really get much accomplished today at all.

In my expert opinion, the Maitland house

is ground zero for an entire town of horrors.

Except for get to know Murph, that was quite nice.

He is, he's quite lovable.

There's something about him.

The other houses, the Manjuris, the Lemons,

and that fucking Neiland shit box

really are symptoms,

tentacles if you will,

extending out, spilling out across this town

from the Maitland monster.

So tomorrow, we're gonna concentrate our efforts

on the Maitland house.

And if I can just convince Murph Evans

to exercise that monster,

then I believe we can solve this bullshit

once and for all.

Chloe stumbles upon the third floor attic

and discovers more pieces to the Lemon house puzzle.

This must be the Lemon family archives.

See what we have here.

Meanwhile, on the floor below,

Caleb conducts a night vision sweep

of Mrs. Lemon's bedroom.

From Flossie Lemon.

Wonder what she wrote?

Dear mother,

the pain in this house is so unbearable.

I wish you could feel my suf...

Oh my god.

I think this is a suicide note.

That's probably why Murph bought this place

a few months after she drowned herself in the bathtub.

Caleb?

Was that you?

That was not me.

Got the injunction today to close up Lemon house.

The bylaw officer does not realize

he is locking our spiritual detectives inside the house.

What the fuck was that?

For the first time in their careers,

the extreme ghost team

are on the verge of capturing a verifiable

supernatural being.

Hurry!

We've never found a ghost...

Not jerking off, per say.

Not jerking off.

People just walk in on you

and don't really think

that this might be your private space.

Oh shit.

Did you get that?

Holy shit.

There was a fucking naked ghost in there.

No I didn't think about that,

that vagrant at Lemons.

I guess he was living under the veranda or something.

Hurry up, hurry up.

Open the door, Caleb!

Its locked from the outside.

It is now day two

of the Murph Evans intervention.

Our team descends bright and early

on the newly discovered Maitland house.

The Duke and his posse are the first

to break the seal on the most extreme haunt

in Murph's inventory.

Stop!

Here we are, day two.

New house, new job.

New outlook.

Well, it was built in 1874

and its had additions right through

till the 1920s.

Murph, what's popping?

I'm the Duke.

This heres the Falcon.

I told them I didn't need no damn bin.

Oh they're terrible.

They're sloppy and careless.

Come on Ivey, let's go.

No the other way.

Drop everything and track dirt into everything

and they should be doing,

working in barns.

The contractors suit up

to inspect the Maitland property.

They have just one hour to complete their survey

and submit their estimates.

I think Murph Evans is a great guy.

Hopefully we'll be able to clear his house

and also clear his mind.

Really excited to help you out here.

So we can't wait to see the inside, sir.

When we first stormed into the Maitland's house,

I was not ready for that.

It looked like a tornado and a hurricane

got in a fight fist.

We got a lot of problems here.

We got mold, mildew.

What are you laughing at, chuckles?

You'll be the one scrubbing it.

Okay, boys.

We got a lot of support problems here.

These studs are too far apart.

This support walls missing here.

The ceiling joints look compromised.

They're just in there rumbling and tumbling everything

and making a damn big mess.

Looks like the kitchen in here.

An exposed wires.

These pipes need to be insulated.

Ceiling looks like its sagging a bit.

Stuff was just piled and piled like

erratically all over the place.

It was rough.

You can smell the raw sewage.

Probably long backed up and shut down by the town.,

Its okay Murph, nothing we can't handle.

He's a stage five hoarder.

You got to remember that when I got this place

it was 12 apartments and there was a great deal

of damage.

So I just got down with the inspection of the inside.

And to put it mildly,

we're dickered.

Not enough time, not near enough money,

not good enough employees.

Its a tear down from the ground up.

After a rough night,

the paranormal team is lucky to have survived.

Oh god.

Oh god.

Last night, uh.

Well Caleb cried.

Things happened and unexpected events unfold

and you just got to roll with the punches.

Its part of the uh, its part of the game.

Okay so day one was a complete write off

but we started day two with a bang.

Alright, everyone, listen up.

We have a second chance here on day two.

So if we can clean the Maitland house,

and I mean scrub it clean,

reform Murph and give him the tools

to succeed with his other properties,

then we'll have done our job

but I need a status update from everyone.

I need to stay on track today.

I need to know what you're all going.

So ghosties, hit me with the facts.

Caleb's gonna do a prelim pan of the house

and a general sweep and make sure

there's no dirty little secrets hiding in there.

Okay, good.

Derek, what are your thoughts on the interior?

That house is evil.

Creepy, it reeks, its fucked.

We're gonna need a lot of disinfectant.

Yeah well with Murph's approval,

we can start clearing a path

and start removing stuff.

Wait, wait slow down.

Dr. Ebe, what are your thoughts?

Well I've asked him to throw a couple things out

and he just does it.

I'm hoping for a little more resistance

so I can put on some of the Ebe drama there.

But he's not, he's not resisting.

So I'm just gonna have to fake it

and you know exorcize his demons

and get rid of that fear and anxiety.

Alright, Murph, are you ready to christen the bin?

The moment of truth has arrived

for Murph Evans.

If he can pass this test,

the floodgates of the Maitland hoard will open.

Oh I guess so.

Okay, you can do this.

Alright, bring it in, everyone.

We have 48 hours to bring this place up to code.

One, two, three

let's get to work.

I rallied the troops up

and got them all excited, got them working as a team.

I have full confidence in Sheila Smyth.

I'm really excited to work with her

and hopefully its the first of many jobs.

Oh yeah, she's great.

Very cute, out of my league.

That's fine that she knows what she's doing

but try to at least let us know what's going on

would be nice.

Oh!

Today, we get to shut down the Neiland farmhouse,

once and for all.

There we go.

One less mess in Rockford.

Oh the bylaw officer.

What a chunk of shit he is.

These bureaucrats like that just make you sick.

I hate bylaw officers with a passion.

They're just self serving idiots.

I'd like to just push that bylaw officer

off the highest building.

So what was this room used for, Murph?

Oh it had a bunch of ugly old cupboards in it.

They used for a kitchen but I got them

all tore out now.

Okay.

Oh.

What is this for, Murph?

Sheila Smyth is alarmed

by the discovery of an old box of explosives.

Okay, I think this may be a little bit dangerous

so we're gonna have to secure this somewhere safe.

Oh I'll take her down to the cellar.

Is there any other surprises

or booby traps I need to be aware of?

Oh hell, how would I know?

I'll just put this fucker right here.

Oh no, no, no.

That's part of the therapy.

I'm gently removing things without him being aware of it

and just to see if he will see the empty space

left behind and I do it

in the way that I am doing it

so that it doesn't go detected

but there's nothing in that house

that one would steal.

I mean I'm a doctor, not a thief.

Please, you're insulting me.

Boom.

Whoo!

Jesus Christ.

You want a mask?

Mask, what are you talking about, dummy?

Well rotted insulation, asbestos, rat shit.

Listen to this, Bosnian Bob Villa

motherfucker over here.

Its your funeral.

There's like animal shit.

Oh wait, wait.

Oh.

Oh its a cat.

Oh no.

Holy shit.

Clean these pussies up, boys.

Holy shit, this is nasty.

I've never seen that many dead cats in one house.

That's a dead cat.

Dead cat. Dead cat.

Dead cat. Dead cat.

Dead pussy.

Oh no, another one.

Dead cat. Dead cat.

Dead cat. Oh dead cat.

Come get your dead cats.

Dead cat.

Cats have a life span, don't they,

like any other animal and they just crawl

into a hole and die and unless you're on top of it

well you just don't find them.

We have been experiencing some real activity up here.

Chairs.

More chairs.

Fuck.

No chairs.

No stairs.

Equals a fucking death trap.

Murph, why do you have so many chairs, man?

Oh well, the chairs,

a lot of them are here

is an attempt to get sets and pairs and things.

And why is it so freezing in this wing of the house?

Oh its always been cold.

It was added later.

Bill, the furnace man, he's supposed

to be coming, he was supposed to be here three weeks ago

and he hasn't got here yet.

Has anyone ever died in here?

Well how the hell would I know?

No mind is at rest.

Nobody is at home in this world.

I mean you have to ask yourself

what the hell happened?

What is out there and why is it trying

to hurt us?

Well, we're just about done back there, now.

Perfect.

Alright, my turn to shine.

Hi, I've got a theory about our friend Murph.

It requires you to peck at his attention.

Ebe, you know I have asthma.

Where's your vape?

My vape?

Oh I'm cutting down on that shit.

Jesus Christ, it will kill ya.

Heres my theory.

I believe that Murph Evans has compartmentalized

his personality.

Which means, now keep up with me here, its technical.

Part of his personality is not being shared

with the other part of his personality.

Its complicated but its textbook

and that shouldn't be a problem

except, its manifesting itself in this unified

meticulous, sort of charming personality.

Does this make any sense to you?

Hey Ebe? You know what this is...

Ebe, you want to help me clean up here?

You want to make yourself useful?

Did you take another Ambien?

Oh for fuck sucks.

Fuck!

Had enough of your shit.

Why the fuck you always got to be fucking

yelling about stuff?

I'm hard on these dumb bitches.

What do you fucking expect?

This is war.

You can do it yourself.

Fuck!

Damn it.

There is some real crazy electromagnetic

activity occurring throughout the entire house.

Unless this isn't working right.

Oh no, its working.

Trust me.

What is your gut saying?

Dude, I've never felt more sick in my life.

Maybe you're with child.

Caleb, let's get serious.

I am feeling a really unresolved presence.

Okay Chloe, so what are we talking about here then?

We got a ghost, a spirit, a demon,

12 year old girl living in the floorboards

long flowing hair? I don't know, Caleb.

Murph's dogs, zombies.

I don't know.

Get the spectrometer and lets figure this shit out.

And do it quietly.

Simmer down.

I'm not your fucking dog, aright?

Yeah, well your breath smells like shit.

I usually can keep my shit together

but that time I kind of lost it.

I'm not fucking doing it.

Chuck, you do it.

No freaking way.

How bout I call your fucking parole officer

and tell him that I caught you trying

to suck Dr. Ebe off cause you're the biggest

pervert on the planet?

Stand up to him, Chuck.

He's a pussy.

I think you're just afraid.

Oh I'm afraid, am I, golden girls.

Okay, daddy will do it.

No, daddy will do it.

Okay dad.

Daddy will do it.

What are you gonna do, huh?

What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do?

You're a delinquent fucking father,

get the fuck out of here.

Ta da.

Nothing in it, pussy holes.

No dead cats?

Fuck this!

What the fuck was that?

This house has a lot of surprises

and one was when Jago got slimed in face.

Fucking hot!

Jesus Christ.

Told that fucker to wear a mask.

Jago is insane right now.

He's dangerous, he's becoming a liability

and he is completely unstable.

I can't deal with this anymore

and frankly, I fucking hate this guy.

I don't know, its,

its like every room, everything in here,

is emitting electromagnetic positives

which is freaking impossible.

What if it is possible, Caleb?

What everything in this place is actually possessed?

Shame based therapy is a tough game.

Dr. Ebe finds a hole in the way for his daily power nap.

Are you getting this?

Seriously, be careful.

Where, what's that?

Was anyone here before?

It came from that way.

Be careful, Caleb.

Get out!

Get out.

Get out.

Hearing the walls screaming at you,

get out, get out.

That was a bone chilling experience.

Fucking house!

Fucking fridge.

Fucking Ivey.

Fuck.

Jago's aggravated assault on Ivey

reveals a hidden staircase to the cellar.

Fucks that smell?

Hey look, jack off.

What's for dinner?

Get it, cause you ate shit.

You two, move these fucking cabinets.

You, andale, andale.

Hey, bumble fuck, get the dry wall out of your fucking ears

and move these cabinets.

Midway through day two, a ghastly

Maitland secret is unearthed.

Jesus Christ!

Hey doc, Jago needs to talk to you.

What is it?

We found something.

I got you now, Murph Evans.

Sheila is gonna shit.

Alright guys, listen.

We don't jump to any conclusion with this.

We don't make any bad decisions.

We got to keep our heads.

He's probably the furnace guy.

Maybe he had a heart attack.

Zip it, Mexican Matlock.

This is fucking serious.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

No racism around Ebe.

I think Murph Evans killed this man

and that means we all got to be very careful

around this guy in the future, okay?

From here on in, he is dangerous.

What do we do now, doc?

This man deserves a proper burial.

Okay, you guys go upstairs and divert that idiot

and I'm gonna uh, I'm gonna have to come up with a plan.

Well at least put a blanket on him.

Can we just do another take, that will be alright,

cause I just, I felt, need to be a bit bigger

and we can nix the Mexican Matlock, maybe?

Okay, will that be alright?

Look uh, just real quick.

Real quick.

Thank you, awesome.

You guys are great.

Oh my god.

The question is, has Murph Evans every killed anyone

in this house.

Possibly.

Is he capable

of killing someone?

Absolutely

and I think he would go for the weak link

in the pecking order, I think that would be Charles Ivey.

Poor bastard.

Ebe is safe.

I think.

Sheila, come here.

What is it, Ebe? We're running behind.

What if I was to tell you we're about

to make reality TV show history?

Don't pitch me, we don't have time for this shit.

Okay, you know what?

Murph Evans is a serial killer.

Oh for fucks sake, Ebe.

He's not a serial killer.

I don't even think the guys a hoarder...

I found a body!

Yeah.

Fuck.

Holy shit, who is he?

That, my friends, is the furnace man.

Judging by my calculations.

He's been dead for a long time.

We'll I'd like permission to assemble

an arrest team right away.

There's no fucking arrest teams, Ebe,

you're losing it.

Ivey's reliable, he's on probation.

What are we talking about here?

Well I'll tell you what we're talking about.

Last night I witnessed Murph Evans

come into this house with baby food and diapers.

Motherfucker.

Yeah, so that means that there's not only

probably a bunch of bodies laying around here.

I think there's a very good probability

that Murph Evans is raising a small child

in this fucking mess.

I think I need to call the cops.

No, we're not gonna do that.

That's the last thing we're gonna do.

We're gonna do this in house, folks.

We're gonna bring this bad boy home,

reality justice style.

Extreme arrest team.

For fucks sake.

I'm calling the police.

No, no, no.

Let's use our heads.

If we call the cops, this show is done.

That's the right thing to do.

There's a dead man.

No cops, no cops, no cops.

Okay?

Zero cops.

Oh god.

We're gonna need so many lawyers.

That is not my problem.

I got to find Murph Evans.

I've got to sit down, we got to get an on camera confession.

I'm a human being first

and I guess a scientist second.

When I stand in a place like this,

this Maitland house, I,

well I feel like I'm witnessing literally

the pain of another man.

I'm inside of him.

I connect with that.

Okay listen, Jago, you go grab your hobo junkies,

come down here, throw this stiff outside

and then move around and see if you can find some more

of these god damn bodies.

No extreme arrest team?

What about a fucking legal team?

Okay look.

At the end of the day, we arrest him.

In the meantime, let's get our before after pictures

with the clean ups and everything,

let's put it in the can

and the job is done, okay?

Go team.

Ready?

Come on.

Oh this is fucked up, Chuck.

I'm not even getting paid for this.

Here we go.

Okay, you got him?

Hold on a sec, I got to turn around.

Come on.

Oh shit, I'm caught on something here.

Ivey come on, I'm gonna puke.

Let's go.

Ivey, stop resting, let's move this stiff.

I'm snagged.

Jesus Christ, Ivey.

Come on, we're almost there.

Let's go.

Fish on.

What's wrong with your ear?

I got hell raisered.

What?

The municipal bylaw office has processed

the eviction order for Murph's final property.

Hurry up with that carcass, boys

it smells like big Willy shit himself.

Where the hell do you want him?

Well put him in the back of the bin for now.

The bin?

Are you fucking nuts?

I think I need a tetanus shot.

Office of bylaw open up.

Listen, don't say a fucking word.

Take this guy around back

while I go distract this fucking guinea pig.

They're probably jerking each other off in there.

Oh, officer chubby chaser.

I thought I smelled barbecued pig pussy.

Where's that fruitcake Murph Evans?

He's upstairs having a bubble bath.

Murph Evans hasn't bathed a day in his fucking life.

Cut the shit.

Murph had a bit of a late one over at the scrub and dub

and then needs to wash his mushy bits.

Alright look it, I'm here to shut down this fucking show,

alright?

You and you, this fucking idiot,

you're gonna move these vehicles.

We're evicting Murph, we're condemning the property.

Its done.

You guys weren't supposed to be here till Monday.

Step aside, sir.

I don't know if you've heard,

but I don't mind dancing in the daytime at all.

Yeah? Yeah.

I like to dosie do at night,

you and me, nine o'clock, town square.

You want to fight?

Yeah.

How bout I shove your head up your ass

and you can fight for air?

I got a gift for you.

Oh.

I thought I smelled dick.

Yeah?

Well look, I gave you guys two days

and now times up.

You see that bin over there?

Yeah?

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

All we've been doing here is trying

to save this god forsaken town

and help Murph Evans by cleaning up rat shit,

ghost poop, and donkey dung.

And this is the kind of treatment you're gonna give us?

Huh?

Alright, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

You got one more day and then I come and shutter

this dump, alright?

Yeah, wise decision.

Yummy.

Too da loo, fuck head.

So far, we've got two dozen dead cats,

we got a deceased furnace man,

the funky furniture is jamming up my gear.

What the fuck is going on here?

From the outside, it just looks like a bad

mold infestation.

What the hell are you doing here?

It's just Murph carrying some chairs.

What in the hell is all this shit doing here?

These are our headquarters

and we need all of this stuff.

These are our supplies.

This is our work, okay?

You even managed to find Uncle Jurgis' old wheelchair.

Now we need to ask you a few questions.

Without notifying the team,

Dr. Ebe has inexplicably fled the Maitland house.

Our cameras tracked him to an antique shop

where he appears to be unloading

some of Murph's collectibles for cash.

Tell us about your home, Murph.

Well Uncle Jurgis' and I got it back in 68.

He was mum's older brother

and he used to call out at the Rockford auction

and he was really one of the best.

He was a collector and he knew his stuff

and he taught me pretty well

everything I know.

What happened to your uncle?

Well he got very sick

and lost interest in everything

and pretty soon he couldn't move,

ended up in a wheelchair.

Everything started to pile up

and then it got all left on me.

I can feel your uncle's presence here, still,

and I would really like to talk to him tonight.

Well I think that would be a bit of a problem.

Chloe, can speak to the dead.

The fractured team retreats inward,

each to confront their personal demons.

Fuck this.

So begins the darkest chapter

in reality television.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey what's going on, what's wrong?

I just, I didn't think the show

was gonna pan out this way.

I wanted it to do some good.

Its not done yet.

I'm sure there's still some good

we can make from this.

Yeah but what's the point if Murph's

gonna go to jail?

He might as well just forfeit the house

to the town.

He's not gonna go to jail.

But what is it that you want to do?

I just want to do a room.

Just one room?

Just one room, just one before and after

because that's all we told everyone we're gonna do.

So let's go find you a room to redo.

So here we are in our home base

and it has come to our attention

that there is a massive

and I'm talking massive.

Big.

Energy source

directly below where we're standing right now.

Dr. Ebe has become unrecognizable.

His mind is now riddled with the very disorders

he has failed to cure.

Hey, Murph, how you doing?

Have a seat please, buddy.

Murph, hi, how are?

You like that settee?

Oh the settee, I love the settee.

I love the settee.

On the other hand,

as the shows falls into the abyss,

Charles Ivey finds his purpose

in decluttering the second floor.

Fantastic city settee, eh?

Well that's John Hall Empire at its best.

John Hall Empire?

And what about that, is that a John Hall Empire?

No, that's Eastlake, Eastlake.

Eastlake? Yeah.

Its lovely.

Murph, I want to start to ask you a few questions,

okay, if I can?

Just a couple questions about the place,

about the place.

The really strange thing, I woke up this morning

and, and I uh,

I figured out how many,

how many things were in the house.

It came to me.

It was a number, 12,800

there was a certain number of things in the house.

A certain number of things

and the number is 12,000.

Say it to me, say it to me.

Say it to me.

12,000. 12,587.

587.

We both know this. Oh.

Its about me and you.

Really at the end of the day,

its about me and you.

Its about being...

Are you alright? It's about.

Hey.

You guys, I found another door here.

By the looks of it.

I think that's Murph's secret.

Sheila!

You're gonna want to see this.

Where's the diapers, Murph?

Where's the diapers?

Where's the fucking diapers?

Of all the secrets

that Murph has hoarded, nothing can prepare the team

for what comes next.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm so scared.

What are they gonna find?

I got to stop them.

I got to stop em!

Oh god.

What the hells in there?

I don't know.

Looks like its moving.

Caleb, are you getting this?

Ebe.

Ebe, what are you doing?

Get a grip.

Oh my god, the smell.

Holy shit!

Oh I see you found Uncle Jurgis.

Murph, you got to tell us about stuff like this.

Is he alive?

I mean borderline.

How old is he?

He's 103.

I'm Dr. Ebe and these are my friends

are we're here to help your nephew, Murph Evans.

That's Latin and its backwards.

Jesus Christ.

No it isn't.

Its Lithuanian.

Came over on the boat in the 20s.

Same thing, dead languages.

What's he saying Murph?

Oh he's calling you a thief.

Don't translate.

Don't, just don't like that, don't translate.

I don't trust it.

Ghost humpers.

You know you're way around a demonic possession?

Well we can most certainly try.

Alright, you're my support crew.

I'm going in.

I'm gonna make contact with the entity.

Is Uncle Jurgis in there with you?

Jesus Christ, holy shit.

He said, we're all afraid to die.

What does that even mean?

I don't know. It sounds legit.

Murph.

Murph?

Where the hell did Murph go?

He's gone.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

Let's clear out.

For fucks sake.

Jesus.

I just can't believe what we found in there.

This, it just seems like a nightmare.

Just one thing after another.

Our team doesn't even know what kind

of phenomena we're dealing with here.

There's another hoarder, there's two.

Stop finding fucking rooms.

What the fuck was that?

I don't know but on the bright side,

no dead cats.

No I'm talking about the dead disgusting

fucking uncle.

I'm worried about Ebe.

He is acting so erratically.

He's starting to just unravel

and I'm worried about this whole place is getting to him.

Uncle Jurgis is the primary holder.

Its a its a madness of two

and that's why this thing to so goddamn huge.

We can't get any readings in the room

but as soon as you step outside.

Readings are off the hook.

Why?

I thought it was cool meeting,

you know, Murph's Uncle.

It was pretty sweet.

Holy fuck.

Ebe?

Ebe?

What the fuck are we supposed to do?

Well Murph Evans is not a hoarder.

Well then what is he?

Complicated.

You care to enlighten us?

Think of it as a force multiplier.

Madness squared.

One is dominant, the other submissive

and together, they are increasing

the evil exponentially

and I also believe that just in being in this house,

around this mess,

we are all part of the equation.

Murph Evans is not Murph Evans.

He has become something else.

We have never met Murph Evans.

So you're saying Uncle Jurgis has created this Murph?

I believe that Murph Evans thinks

that the trash of this house, the mess,

the things that are collected within its walls,

are keeping the uncle alive

and I think the uncle believes that too

and you know, I'm starting to myself.

So where are we supposed to go from here?

I don't know.

I'm not a medical doctor.

I'm a failed nurse practitioner.

I know, I'm sorry.

Look, I think we're all going to jail after this.

Chloe, Caleb, what do you guys think?

We definitely know

that there is an evil entity in this space, for sure.

Yep, of course you guys do.

I'm sorry, that was rude.

I didn't mean it.

I mean I've just been given a lot of shit

right now and I think its time to shut it down.

Why don't we regroup tomorrow and we'll sort out

what to do.

Ghosties, I need you guys to stay the night.

What do you want us to do?

I want you to just monitor the floor.

For what?

For ghosts or demons,

I mean do your job.

If anyone experiences a mental disturbance

no matter how small, no matter how subtle,

report immediately to me

and you're gonna have to leave the show.

I'm very sorry, I'm afraid

that's just gonna have to stand.

When was the last time you saw the Duke?

Oh man.

Should I call Dr. Ebe?

No Ivey, Dr. Ebe is a fraud.

Shut the fuck up, Falcon.

Fucking nuts.

Ivey.

Ivey.

I don't think I'm gonna be able

to make it to the end of the job.

Okay, let's go to the hospital then.

The fucking cupboard.

Those are yours.

Those are for you, Duke.

Duke?

You're fucking kidding me?

Duke fucking Ivey.

The hold that Uncle Jurgis has over Murph Evans

is all powerful and is it too late?

Well yes of course it is.

Its always too late

when you're in the care of Ebe.

There have been so many curve balls today.

I mean it seems almost trite

to point out how far behind we are.

I mean there really isn't a show anymore

Its hard to know where the nephew begins

and where the uncle ends.

Patient, doctor.

I don't know what the fuck to do anymore.

Let's go take a peek at Uncle Jurgis.

We have to check his vitals.

God.

What is it Chloe?

Uncle Jurgis is dead.

Or undead.

I don't know, there's no pulse.

He's cold as a stone.

That's a first for us.

I know.

What are you doing?

I'm going to take a picture.

Why?

For the Instagram.

We're losing followers.

Now make a pretty face.

Damn it, Caleb.

I feel like shit, to be honest with you.

I feel like I've let everybody down.

Like I'm still processing that we found a dead body.

This whole thing was a mistake.

The job, the house.

My life.

I know I was supposed to be leading this show

but I'm stuck.

I don't know where to go.

I think its all over,

for all of us.

Personally, I feel like we're kicking ass.

I don't know what we're gonna do

and I'm not looking forward to this day

or this conversation.

Showrunner Sheila Smyth

has assembled the team on the morning of day three

to make an important announcement.

Okay, guys.

Its day three, look alive.

This production meeting is to determine

the way out of this mess.

So I believe we already have an unbelievable

amount of shit in the can but here's the problem.

This production team has gone feral.

You teams have done some fucked up shit

and I don't even know where we stand.

I need direct talk.

I need to know what's going on with everyone,

no matter how fucked up it is.

Ivey?

Yes, ma'am?

What happened to Jago?

I think, I think he may be a zombie.

What do you mean?

Does he need medical help?

Alright, here it is.

The uncle is exerting some kind of a mental control

over Murph Evans and they've taken that practice

of hoarding and they've kicked it up a notch to killing.

Serial murder.

I believe that the uncle's nervous system

is sympathetic to the contents of this house.

Okay I have no fucking clue what you just said.

Chloe, you look scared, what's going on?

Uncle Jurgis is dead.

What? Well, undead.

We confirmed that last night.

So we have an undead uncle

and possibly an undead Jago.

Do I have that right?

I think this show is completely fucked

and I think its really time to call the police.

We have no fucking choice.

I have no choice.

None of this is gonna go to air.

We're probably all gonna go to jail.

Okay, so if we come forward now,

maybe they'll be able to help us.

I'm sorry guys, I failed you.

No, I'm sorry.

When we set out on this project,

when Sheila Smyth gave us the call,

she knew it was gonna be a tough one

but she called you, and you,

not you, we picked you up,

but why?

Because each and everyone of you

is the very best.

But its not about us.

Its about that sweet, crazy man,

and his bad habit of what?

He keeps old shit.

Lots of it.

Is that a bad habit?

No, its a fucking statement.

In this fucked up world that's choking us

with disposable consumerism.

Maybe one man and his collection

of Queen Ann chairs

is saving us from ourselves.

Where we are.

Right now.

At this crossroads,

and where we'll be

is up to us.

Don't you people see what we have here?

Yeah I was stung by a dozen bees,

Jago ate shit.

We found a dead body.

Chloe and Caleb, you found an undead uncle.

Isn't that amazing?

And Ebe, oh sweet Ebe,

this whole Murph Evans is a serial killer shit

that fell into your lap

is the best thing that could ever happen to you.

I only have one question for you.

Let's hear it.

Do you want to make history?

Huh?

I can't fucking hear you!

You know you want to make extreme fucking history.

Yes we do! Yeah we do!

So let's fucking do it.

Oh my god, oh my god.

Okay you heard the man.

Battle stations, let's get to work, people.

Let's do this.

In spite of all rational arguments

to the contrary, the crew has resolved

to move forward.

God damn it this is a glory day!

I feel so pumped up.

Do you hear that Falcon?

Jesus he pulled it out of his ass.

Sheila was a bit of a downer

then the Falcon stepped up.

I'm a brand new Ebe.

I am a brand new fucking Ebe right now.

Who knew that tiny little garbage man

had so much energy in him

to excite a group of people.

What a difference a morning makes.

The Falcon woke up this morning very upset

but now he's pumped and ready to get the job done.

I cracked open a new toothpick.

The day is young.

And we're back on track

with what we came here to do.

Which is change Murph Evan's life.

I'm going upstairs right now.

I'm gonna cure Uncle Jurgis.

I have no fucking idea how I'm gonna do that

but goddamn it, with the Falcon and Smyth,

we can do it.

Hey.

Hey.

I wanted to thank you.

For what?

I think I freaked everyone out there.

No, no, you were amazing.

Really?

Yeah.

What you have to do now is go find Murph.

Where, I don't even know where to look for him.

Thrift store, his other places.

He's a creature of habit.

It can't be that hard.

Okay.

Alright?

When you do that, you get back,

I'll make sure this entire house is clean

and spic and span, top to bottom.

Really?

Promise.

You're amazing.

You are.

Hurry up.

I hear around the set

that you've been abusing cocaine.

There you go.

You got a bump for Ebe, a little Billy goat?

A little toot?

The bylaw officer's curiosity

is persistent and potentially

fraught with danger.

I've been waiting a long time to lock this place up.

What you doing in there, Murph?

Probably jerking off with that skeevy doctor?

Wake up, Murph.

Jesus Murphy.

You guys knew about this?

We got a major temperature drop.

15 degrees down.

Oh my god.

Dude its moving, its moving on its own.

We got some major indexicles happening over here

with this item.

Everything in this place is alive

and its touching this entire house.

Are you getting this?

Hello, Jurgis.

You got a minute, huh?

Murph wouldn't hurt a fly, would he?

This is all you.

Well I got some news for ya.

I got a team down there right now.

You know what they're doing?

They're taking stuff and they're putting it outside.

They're putting it into a god damn bin.

And its gonna get dragged to a land fill.

One thing at a time.

Oh look at this.

Gone.

That thing over there, gone.

They're gonna clean it all up,

shine it all up.

Make it fucking purty.

But what's gonna happen to Uncle Jurgis?

Huh?

What's gonna happen to you, buddy?

Oh I think you might just slip away.

Buh bye!

Duke, help, Duke!

I'm trapped.

Oh.

Help!

Can't take this shit with ya, you know?

But I can.

Stop it.

What are you doing?

Stop it!

What are you doing?

Sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Oh fuck.

Just put it in.

All I need to do is fuck up my back after today.

Fucking job from hell.

Bodies, fucking bird shit.

Holy fuck!

Jago, what the fuck did you do now?

Jago!

Jago!

I'm fucking sick of this.

Out of my face.

The bizarre lightness of Sheila's demeanor

illustrates a psychotic break at the core

of this production.

Murph, please come back.

I'm done with this.

You've done nothing wrong.

You're the only normal person in this whole fucking show.

I just don't get the point.

I know, we really really messed up

but we're trying to fix things.

We need you back there.

Come and see what we did with the Maitland house

and please come back.

Jago, are you down here?

Holy shit.

I found another dead body.

Somebody killed the bylaw guy.

Jago, are you down here?

Duke?

Jesus motherfucking Christ.

Duke!

Oh shit, Christ.

What the fuck?

The junk can move on its own.

Controlled by the uncle?

Or does it control him?

Dude, Ebe was totally right.

The uncle and the house have a symbiotic relationship.

Chloe, I think that this is real.

Like really real.

Like realer than anything we've dealt with.

Oh, for sure.

Its 100% real but the real question is

how much of this stuff was bought from dead people?

Well all of it.

Yeah, all of it was owned by dead people.

Its from estates, its from auctions.

From Salvation Army sales.

Every piece of furniture,

every piece of clothing,

every item in this house is a monkey's paw.

Cursed possessions.

Second hand hauntings.

Jesus, Caleb.

What?

There are thousand and thousand of entities

in this place.

Thousands?

That's too many.

What do we do?

They all reside in Uncle Jurgis.

What about Murph?

No.

He's too pure.

He's too simple to be controlled by

but the uncle, that's another story.

Right, right.

Yeah that's what I was thinking.

So what are we doing then?

What should we do?

I've never experienced this before.

Have you? Listen.

You need to go downstairs

and you need to kill Uncle Jurgis.

And.

Here.

Use this.

That'll do.

Go.

Just kill him.

Yeah, you can do this.

You can do this.

I didn't sign up for this.

This is not a paranormal investigation.

I'm sorry.

I really do not want to do this,

you demonized gruesome uncle but.

I really don't.

No, uh uh.

Caleb?

Ebe?

What are you doing here?

Well.

We should never have come here.

Its okay, its okay man.

I stole things and I reduced the number of things.

Its this house, okay?

Its got a hold of you.

Okay its got a hold of...

Unknown to the showrunner

and her star, what was once a struggle for purpose

is now a struggle for life and death.

You ready?

Wow, this place looks amazing.

Yeah, its starting to look bigger already.

Ebe?

Falcon?

Where the hells everybody anyway?

They must be upstairs waiting for us.

Let's go.

Okay.

Get the fuck out of the way.

What the fuck is he doing?

He hasn't been out of bed for 30 years.

Somebody sure pissed him off.

What do we do?

You crazy old bugger.

Back off.

Holy shit.

Shit.

Ebe, thank god we found you.

Get out of the way!

Murph!

Murph!

Murph.

You failed us, Murph.

You had one fucking job and you failed it.

For fucks sakes, you failed.

How does it make you feel?

Feeling?

Want to see what I got at the auction?

Well how'd you like that?

Hey, duchess.

Measure twice, cut once.

Die you fuck.

And I'm Maltese, bitch.

That's why they call me the falcon.

That's a cut.

Lets get the fuck out of here.

Ivey?

Oh, Charles.

Oh fuck, let's get out of here.

Go, go, go.

What are you still doing here?

Let's go. Get the hell out of here.

What the fuck everybody,

what's wrong with you?

Go, go, keep it going.

Oh my god, there's no way out.

Fuck!

Fuck, how do we get out.

Shit.

Fucking help us!

Help, help.

There's no way out of here.

Falcon, no.

Falcon.

Fuck you.

Are you okay?

No, I'm not okay.

Is the show over?

Yeah, the show is over.

What are you doing?

I knew this would come in handy.

Hurry, quick.

There, you finish the job, okay.

Are you okay?

Its over, its okay.

Following the explosion and destruction

of the Maitland house,

Murph consolidated his remaining properties

and opened an antique store on main street.

We're back in Rockford after 10 months

and I'm here with Murph Evans

who has completely transformed his life.

He's sold some of his properties

and he was able to reinvest

in this beautiful antique store.

Something that him and I designed together,

which was a very long process,

but so rewarding.

Its fantastic what we've been able to do together

and I'm really really proud of him.

You've done such an amazing job.

How do you feel, Murph?

Well I'm feeling just great.

I feel like a new man.

You helped me achieve my dreams,

all this stuff now, it can't be called junk any more.

Its called either treasures or merchandise,

and its all a credit to Sheila.

Thank you, Murph.