Original subtitles

♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ travel down the road and back again ♪

♪ your heart is true ♪

♪ you're a pal and a confidante ♪

♪ and if you threw a party ♪

♪ invited everyone you knew ♪

♪ you would see ♪

♪ the biggest gift would be from me ♪

♪ and the card attached would say ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪

♪ thank you for bein' a friend ♪♪

Captioning made possible by witt/thomas/harris productions, cbs television network,

And 1992 nci caption club/ grantsmanship

Blanche, help me.

I'm looking for a vacation spot for sophia.

Oh, good. She might as well go on vacation.

She doesn't do anything around here.

Oh, that's not true. She tries very hard.

Look. She's been cleaning that spot

For an hour.

Sophia.

Sophia.

Sophia.

Huh? What?

Honey, why don't you go on up to your room

If you're going to sleep?

I'm not. I'm taking a nap.

What's the difference?

Big difference.

You never hear anyone say,

"she went peacefully in her nap."

Come here.

Sit down right here.

How does this sound?

"lie down on the peaceful shores

"of lake michigan.

"quiet surroundings,

Tree-lined walkways."

It was just a nap.

I don't need a burial plot.

I'm alive. I'm alive.

We're not going to bury you.

We just want you to take vacation.

Forget it.

I remember my last vacation.

Dorothy said we were going to club med.

Turns out she was taking me to shady pines--

Club dead.

Blanche and I have already talked about this.

Now, the hotel is pretty quiet this week.

Rose is right, darling.

You've been awful tired lately.

This way you'll come back rejuvenated.

I don't need a rest.

Will you stop treating me like an old woman?

Do I treat you

Like a deluded, middle-aged tart?

Yes.

All right, then.

Carry on.

We can easily split up

The little bit of work you do around here.

I hardly have enough fingers to count all that I do.

Really? Why don't you give it a try?

I...Pick...Up...

All...The... Spare...Change...

In...The...Couch.

I think we'll manage.

Hey, roland. What's up?

Hey, chuy, have you ever had

Corporate headhunters come after you,

Offer you a really great job for big money?

I had an international corporation after me once.

Other than the house of pancakes.

No.

This guy from the carlton hotel chain took me to dinner.

They want to hire me.

Wow. That sounds really big.

Yeah, it's kind of cool.

I'm not taking the job, but it was flattering.

Know what you should do?

Tell the ladies. Force them to give you a raise.

I'm not going to put them in a squeeze play.

Don't say anything. You know how the ladies worry.

O.K. My lips are seals.

[ar ar ar ar]

Be serious. You got to promise.

I promise.

Cross my heart, hope to die,

Stick a needle in my eye.

Jab a fork right through my nose,

Sever both my little toes.

Run a chain saw through my thighs,

Pull my colon out my eyes.

Chuy, chuy!

I'll do my best.

O.K.?

Sophia.

Sophia.

Can't you see I'm busy?

I'm 16 cents away from a slurpee.

What is it, rose?

[panting]

She's trying to tell us something.

What is it? Timmy is stuck in a well?

We are in big trouble.

I was just downtown.

I saw roland having lunch

With the owner of the carlton hotel.

So?

So?

Blanche, roland's going to leave us.

Oh, he is not.

Why else would he have lunch with that man?

Uh, chuy,

Do you know anything about this?

Well, ahem,

I promised I wouldn't say anything.

All right.

I guess I can give you guys one clue.

Roland's been offered a job at a really good hotel.

Oh, we're never going to guess this.

If you don't do something,

You're going to lose him.

Roland wouldn't dream of leaving the golden palace.

I don't know about that.

This is a great opportunity--

More money, paid vacation,

Excellent benefits,

More money.

He's really excited about the opportunity.

Well, maybe we should give him a raise.

We cannot afford a raise.

I'm shocked he'd think about going someplace else.

I consider this a personal affront.

Of course roland has to think about his own career.

We just have to find the money for that raise.

There must be something to sell.

Perfect. Then we're agreed.

We'll sell something in the hotel.

Wait. What about me?

I don't think men will pay for something

They already are getting for free.

Rose, I meant

What about asking my opinion?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Of course.

Blanche, do you honestly think

Anybody would pay to sleep with you?

I'm talking about the situation with roland, rose.

We can't afford to keep him just by selling some furniture.

There must be something we're spending money on here that we don't need.

Maybe we better just let nature take its course

On that one.

Oh, sophia.

Have you looked into making reservations for your vacation?

Forget it. I'm not going.

Besides, I saw that movie alive.

My plane goes down, I'm brunch.

I'm sorry, honey.

You have to go on a vacation.

That's that.

What if something happens and you need me?

We won't need you.

You want me to go on a vacation, I'll go.

Good, honey. We're right about this.

You'll have a great time.

I will.

[ding]

Checking in.

What?

What?

Come on. Move it.

I want to get out to the pool.

You're staying here?

You said I had to go on vacation. You didn't say where.

Now, give me a key.

You have a key to your room.

I'm not staying in that hole.

I want the penthouse...

And a video of don ameche in cocoon.

Mama wants some eye candy.

Now, this is terrible.

Well, it is her vacation.

If she wants to vacation here, it's her decision.

Oh, it's not that.

Remember what happened the last time at the pool?

Oh, it wasn't that bad.

She made a game out of diving for her teeth.

Those kids had a good time.

Besides, they brush regularly now.

Hey, ladies.

Here's roland.

Remember you said you wanted to talk to him?

Oh, yes, chuy, we did.

Roland, you've been working really hard lately.

Yes, he has, and it's good of you to notice.

This isn't about yesterday's discussion, right?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't either.

I don't know anything.

Boy, there's a tattoo for your forehead.

Look, roland, I don't want to play this game.

Chuy told us about your offer.

Chuy did what?

He also told us about your lunch.

Oh, man, you promised me.

Well, look, it's no big deal.

We're glad he told us.

We'll work something out.

We have to find more money.

It's not about the money.

Rose, I told you I'd think about this.

Here's what I've come up with.

Roland, even if we had the money,

I wouldn't give it to you.

You went behind my back,

Entertained an offer from another hotel.

Things won't work out here.

Blanche, what are you--

I'm sorry, roland. You're fired.

Blanche...

Wait. You can't do this.

Wait. I'm--

Let me tell you something, blanche.

I'm fired?

I didn't think this would happen.

I got to talk to her.

I'm sorry, man. It's employees only.

Thank you, mr. Farrell.

We'll let you know.

Well, now, he wasn't so bad.

Oh, please.

Blanche, I don't think

Someone whose last job was makeup man

At a morgue

Has the types of people skills we need for a manager.

Maybe you're right.

And I didn't like that remark he made about my makeup.

He said your makeup's perfect.

I know.

Eww.

We have interviewed 16 people

To replace somebody we never should've lost in the first place.

Please don't start again.

I could just strangle you for firing roland.

That's water under the bridge.

Let's see this last applicant.

Next.

Hi. Chuy castillos,

Managerial candidate number 17.

You can't be the manager.

You're our chef.

I don't want to be stuck in the kitchen.

I have goals and ambitions.

Like what?

Well, on a personal level,

I'd like to date that girl from the crying game.

I didn't get her name. I left early.

Boy, was she hot.

All right.

Let's get this over with.

Says here you're a brown man.

Actually, I prefer chicano, but, uh...

Yes, I am a brown man.

No. It says here you went to brown university

In September of '73.

Oh, yeah, I did.

When did you leave?

2 a.M. The next morning.

She had an early class, and I had a--

I'm sorry, chuy.

You're just not the right person.

No, I'm not.

Roland was the right person,

But he's not here.

How could this day possibly get any worse?

If you need me, I'll be catching the end of the crying game.

Y, that girl had it all.

You know, I never thought I'd say this,

But we could sure use sophia's help.

Maybe we could get her to cut her vacation short.

I mean, miami isn't that big a city.

How long could she possibly keep herself amused?

I could do this all day.

Here, sophia, honey, listen.

We've been taken by surprise.

We have too many guests and not enough help.

I'm on vacation.

I know, but we're in deep trouble.

Rooms need cleaning. We need your help.

Oh, now you need me.

What happened to, "we can get along without you?"

Well, obviously,

We didn't count on roland leaving and being so busy.

Will you help us?

Show me how much it means to you, I'll consider it.

Well, what do we have to do?

Beg.

All right.

O.K.

I'm begging.

Oh, please.

Kiss my hand.

O.K.

Now...

A dance.

Sophia.

Rose.

I'm on vacation. I'm staying on vacation.

I want my room cleaned.

We cleaned it twice today.

When'd you get so picky?

When I started paying for the room.

Is the smudge off my window?

I scrubbed and scrubbed.

I'm starting to think it's the horizon.

I don't care what it is.

It's ruining the view.

We wouldn't be in this mess

If you hadn't fired roland.

And all over a little money.

That's selfish.

It's the most unselfish thing

I've ever done in my life.

I only did it for his own good.

What?

We can't offer him the opportunities the carlton can.

So you forced him to leave.

That was his decision.

One he never would've made.

He would've sacrificed his whole future for us.

Well...

I hope you did the right thing.

I did.

I know we'll miss him,

But, now, thanks to me,

Roland's on his way to a brilliant career

At a beautiful hotel.

[laughing]

Well...

The carlton hotel wouldn't take you,

So now you're right back where you started

10 years ago working for me.

Pick up those bikes.

Hey, roland.

What do you want, man?

To apologize.

If I hadn't blabbed,

The ladies probably wouldn't have fired you.

Probably?

Of course they wouldn't have, chuy.

Sorry, man.

It'll never happen again.

I called over at the carlton,

And they said that you didn't get the job.

The carlton's not real big

On hiring people who've been fired.

I wish I knew how they found out, though.

Yeah, that is weird.

Man, you told them, didn't you?

O.K., but really,

That's the last time it'll ever happen.

How'd you find me anyway?

You once said the door was always open at your first job.

Hey, man, I'm worried about you.

Aren't you worried about what this'll do to your hearing?

Oh, yeah,

That was a great game, man.

Look, man, I got you into this mess,

And I'll make sure you get your job back.

Forget it. Blanche fired me.

I'm not going to crawl back.

I don't want you to tell them you saw me.

Chuy, you got to promise me.

I promise.

Hey, bash my head off with my spleen--

Chuy, chuy, chuy, look.

Every time you open your mouth,

I drop another rung on the food chain.

Now, you say anything about this,

And I'm going to kill you.

My lips are sealed.

I'll see ya.

Well?

Well what?

Did you see roland?

I--I can't say.

Oh, come on, now.

We know you saw him.

Is the hotel beautiful?

I'm sworn to secrecy.

Is he wearing a beautiful suit?

Does he have many employees?

Stop it. Stop it.

We're going to keep badgering you.

Badgering?

Badgering?

I don't need your stinking badgering.

I made a promise to roland.

I'm going to keep it.

What is taking chuy so long?

Could he possibly not be telling them that I'm in hell?

I'm sorry, ladies.

I learned my lesson. This safe cannot be cracked.

Well, all I can say is

I sure miss the little sweetheart.

You just never know

How much you're going to miss somebody

Till they're gone.

Oh, what the hell?

Good news, everybody.

I'm back from vacation.

Yeah, that's nice.

Have no fear. Petrillo is here.

Good to hear.

She's tan, she's rested,

She's ready to crack wise.

Who, you say?

Sophia, that's who.

Fine.

What do I have to do to get some attention around here--

A cartwheel?

O.K. Here goes.

But I should warn you.

I'm not wearing underwear.

We weren't talking about you.

Can't you see we're a little depressed?

You're depressed?

How do you think roland feels?

Working at the bike shack's

No day at the bea...

Ch.

What?

Oops.

He was at the carlton.

They didn't hire him because you fired him.

I only fired him so they'd hire him.

Oh, rose, chuy, come on.

We got to get down there.

My gosh.

Go ahead. The hotel's in good hands.

I'll man the desk.

[airplane]

Dc-10.

Yep. When you spend hours on your back,

You get to know these things.

Oh, dc-10.

Yep.

Hi, r-roland?

Rose, blanche...

How'd you guys know I was here?

I told them.

The man is a sieve.

Oh, roland,

I think he prefers chicano.

Roland, I fired you

Because I didn't want to stand in the way

Of your career at the carlton.

You can't be mad, 'cause I was only trying to help.

So it's o.K. To destroy my life and humiliate me

As long as you have good intentions?

Yeah. Isn't that what I just said?

So will you come back?

No.

I--I don't know.

I like it here.

This is a great job.

Don't you think spending all day here

Might make you crazy from lack of human contact?

Not at all.

Hey, don't lean on tanya. Come on.

Oh, roland, I really am sorry.

You got to believe that.

We'll do anything to get you back.

Anything? - Anything.

Beg me.

O.K.

Please come back.

Kiss my hand.

And now...

The funky chicken. Get down.

Roland.

Well...

Sophia called,

And she told me to make you crawl

Before I gave in.

This means you'll be back?

Can we go now?

Yes! - Oh!

That makes me so happy.

I missed you so much.

Yeah, I missed you, too.

I think I even missed your st. Olaf stories.

Really?

Oh...

Well, we can fix that.

Did I ever tell you the story of...

Of leon truedenstuter?

Hey, good news, everybody.

I found a way to make more money.

Hey, that's great.

If it works out, roland can have that raise.

How'd you do that?

Oh, roland, you're underestimating this girl.

Blanche is a shrewd investor.

Has a brilliant financial mind.

I found it in the sofa.

No. I just found some ways to cut corners.

You guys are too much.

I'm glad if you're happy.

I didn't want you throwing away a good opportunity

To come back here.

Oh, no. Not at all.

I've implemented a few ideas I picked up.

Hypothetically,

Let's say I just bit some kid on the leg.

Could they sue?

Ohh.

You didn't.

Did you?

Ahem.

Listen, I don'know how to tell you this,

But a corporate headhunter

Has approached me with a big-paying job

At a hotel that, I'm afraid, must remain nameless,

And, well, being the loyal employee that I am,

I wanted to tell you.

The big raise they're offering me isn't an issue.

I just wanted to ask you what I should do.

Take it. Take it. Take it.

Come on, guys.

Come on. Give me a raise.

Please. Come on. Come on.

A little bitty one.

Please!

Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.