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1
00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:03,835
♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
2
00:00:03,903 --> 00:00:06,838
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪
3
00:00:06,906 --> 00:00:10,308
♪ travel down the road
and back again ♪
4
00:00:10,376 --> 00:00:12,277
♪ your heart is true ♪
5
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:17,115
♪ you're a pal
and a confidante ♪
6
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:20,585
♪ and if you threw
a party ♪
7
00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:24,589
♪ invited everyone
you knew ♪
8
00:00:24,657 --> 00:00:26,391
♪ you would see ♪
9
00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:29,094
♪ the biggest gift
would be from me ♪
10
00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:31,163
♪ and the card attached
would say ♪
11
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:33,798
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪
12
00:00:33,866 --> 00:00:35,534
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪
13
00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:39,237
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪♪
14
00:00:44,843 --> 00:00:47,779
Captioning made possible by
witt/thomas/harris productions,
cbs television network,
15
00:00:47,846 --> 00:00:51,316
And 1992 nci caption club/
grantsmanship
16
00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:04,463
Chuy, check out
the ballroom stage.
17
00:01:04,530 --> 00:01:06,231
It's looking like
a comedy club.
18
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,899
We'll make
lots of money.
19
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:09,401
That's a great idea.
20
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,403
Oh, by the way,
I have an application
21
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:14,906
For somebody
who wants to enter
the comedy competition.
22
00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:16,708
You're kidding,
right?
23
00:01:16,775 --> 00:01:18,042
Nope.
24
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,245
"corney castillos"?
25
00:01:20,313 --> 00:01:23,014
Yeah.
Do you love it?
26
00:01:23,082 --> 00:01:25,750
I was looking for
a funny stage name,
27
00:01:25,818 --> 00:01:28,052
And since "corn"
is the funniest word...
28
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,254
Corn!
29
00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:30,755
Ha ha ha ha!
30
00:01:30,823 --> 00:01:33,758
Hey, what could be funnier
than corney castillos?
31
00:01:33,826 --> 00:01:35,760
All I got to do now
32
00:01:35,828 --> 00:01:37,762
Is come up with
a five-minute act,
33
00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:40,798
But I have all week,
so how hard can it be?
34
00:01:40,866 --> 00:01:42,300
Corney,
listen to me.
35
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:44,769
You don't want to
get up on that stage
36
00:01:44,837 --> 00:01:46,271
And make an idiot
of yourself.
37
00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:47,772
You need a writer.
38
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,741
Somebody
young, down,
naturally funny,
39
00:01:49,808 --> 00:01:51,976
You know, like me.
40
00:01:52,044 --> 00:01:53,678
You?
41
00:01:53,746 --> 00:01:55,213
Uh, no offense,
brother,
42
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:59,117
But you're
about as funny
as a lima bean.
43
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,587
Hey, can anybody join
this comedy competition?
44
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:04,589
Oh,
not you, too, sophia.
45
00:02:04,657 --> 00:02:07,125
What's your stage name,
moms petrillo?
46
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:10,228
Boy, you make one
adult party record
in the fifties
47
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:12,531
And it haunts you
all your life.
48
00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:16,635
I was thinking
of a guy from
the old neighborhood.
49
00:02:16,702 --> 00:02:17,669
An old guy.
50
00:02:17,736 --> 00:02:19,070
Older than you?
51
00:02:19,138 --> 00:02:22,073
He was part
of a comedy team.
52
00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:24,742
Williams and brown
or brown and williams
53
00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:26,244
Or williams and williams.
54
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:27,845
Funny guy.
55
00:02:27,913 --> 00:02:31,916
Anybody older than
you can make it
on the stage,
56
00:02:31,984 --> 00:02:33,285
I'll put him on.
57
00:02:33,352 --> 00:02:36,821
This is shaping up to be
quite a weekend.
58
00:02:36,889 --> 00:02:39,824
My son matthew
is coming for a visit,
59
00:02:39,892 --> 00:02:42,827
And the comedy show's
almost sold out.
60
00:02:42,895 --> 00:02:45,029
Incidentally,
chuy wants to enter,
and sophia--
61
00:02:45,097 --> 00:02:46,498
Oh, don't
let sophia enter.
62
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,466
Have you heard
her party record?
63
00:02:48,534 --> 00:02:49,934
It's filthy!
64
00:02:50,002 --> 00:02:51,303
Aww...
65
00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:56,241
Hello. My name
is bill douglas.
66
00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:58,042
I have
a reservation.
67
00:02:58,110 --> 00:03:01,112
Yes, mr. Douglas.
I have you right here.
68
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:02,480
You look very familiar.
69
00:03:02,548 --> 00:03:04,282
Where do I
know you from?
70
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,318
What do you do
for a living?
71
00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:09,321
Well, I own
a mattress factory.
72
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,292
Maybe you've heard
about our line--
73
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,760
Douglas mattresses,
74
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:18,630
The mattress that
will last a lifetime.
75
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:21,666
Yes. I've had
three of those.
76
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:23,034
Oh.
77
00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:24,135
Well...
78
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:26,838
I hope you enjoy
your stay here.
79
00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:28,340
We do everything we can
80
00:03:28,407 --> 00:03:30,775
To make our guests
feel very special.
81
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:32,110
Thank you.
82
00:03:33,178 --> 00:03:34,145
[gasp]
83
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,213
Aah!
84
00:03:37,182 --> 00:03:38,283
Oh!
85
00:03:42,688 --> 00:03:43,821
Rose,
86
00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:46,524
Are you o.K.?
You look like you've...
87
00:03:46,592 --> 00:03:47,859
Seen a ghost?
88
00:03:47,926 --> 00:03:51,028
I was going to say
"drinking heavily," but...
89
00:03:51,096 --> 00:03:53,064
"seen a ghost" works, too.
90
00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:55,066
Rose, are you
all right?
91
00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:56,735
Look at this picture.
92
00:03:56,802 --> 00:03:58,637
Oh, my goodness.
93
00:03:58,704 --> 00:04:00,505
It's you
and mr. Douglas
94
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,073
On a cow.
95
00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:06,544
No. That's me
with charlie.
96
00:04:06,612 --> 00:04:10,148
Mr. Douglas looks exactly
like my husband charlie.
97
00:04:10,215 --> 00:04:13,184
Oh, well,
no wonder he looks
so familiar.
98
00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,252
Oh...
99
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,689
Oh, and I made
such a fool of myself.
100
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,191
He must think
I'm a nut.
101
00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:21,693
I really should
apologize.
102
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,028
I mean,
he is a guest.
103
00:04:24,096 --> 00:04:25,863
If it makes you
uncomfortable,
104
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:27,666
Just avoid that
particular guest.
105
00:04:27,733 --> 00:04:29,200
Oh, blanche,
don't be silly.
106
00:04:29,268 --> 00:04:30,702
I'm a big girl.
107
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,370
I won't create
a situation
108
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,872
Just because somebody
looks like charlie.
109
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:36,941
Course, if he kisses
like charlie,
110
00:04:37,009 --> 00:04:41,346
You'll need
the jaws of life
to get me off him.
111
00:04:45,483 --> 00:04:46,917
Man, read this joke.
112
00:04:46,985 --> 00:04:49,419
You're going
to love it.
113
00:04:49,487 --> 00:04:52,356
"too bad
- al gore's not a waiter,
114
00:04:52,423 --> 00:04:54,858
Because he married
a good tipper."
115
00:04:54,926 --> 00:04:55,993
Boom!
116
00:05:00,932 --> 00:05:02,432
I don't get it.
117
00:05:04,802 --> 00:05:06,236
What do you mean?
118
00:05:06,304 --> 00:05:07,737
His wife's name is tipper.
119
00:05:07,805 --> 00:05:09,439
It's not funny.
120
00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:12,575
'cause you're not
saying it right.
121
00:05:12,643 --> 00:05:14,077
You got to hit "tipper."
122
00:05:14,145 --> 00:05:16,079
His wife's a good tipper.
123
00:05:16,147 --> 00:05:17,647
That's big funny.
124
00:05:19,017 --> 00:05:22,386
Chuy, roland,
I want you tmeet
my son matthew.
125
00:05:22,453 --> 00:05:24,854
Matthew, this is
roland and chuy.
126
00:05:24,923 --> 00:05:26,856
Hey, nice to meet you.
127
00:05:26,925 --> 00:05:28,392
We got to go.
128
00:05:28,459 --> 00:05:29,359
O.K.
129
00:05:29,427 --> 00:05:31,895
I have so many plans
for us today.
130
00:05:31,963 --> 00:05:34,398
Mother, could we talk
for a minute?
131
00:05:34,465 --> 00:05:36,400
I have something
to tell you.
132
00:05:36,467 --> 00:05:37,367
O.K.
133
00:05:37,435 --> 00:05:38,668
Jeez, I'm nervous.
134
00:05:38,736 --> 00:05:40,670
W can I put this?
135
00:05:40,738 --> 00:05:42,672
You know, mom,
you and I
136
00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:45,675
Have a lot more
in common
than you think.
137
00:05:45,743 --> 00:05:47,144
We like
the same things.
138
00:05:47,211 --> 00:05:49,146
We like the same things?
139
00:05:49,213 --> 00:05:52,215
Honey, the only thing
I really like is m--
140
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,656
Oh...My god,
you're gay.
141
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:03,893
No.
142
00:06:05,063 --> 00:06:07,897
What I mean is
we both like
to take chances,
143
00:06:07,966 --> 00:06:09,833
Like when you
bought this hotel.
144
00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:12,336
You weren't afraid
to change your life.
145
00:06:12,403 --> 00:06:14,871
So I've decided
to stop being
a stockbroker
146
00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:17,374
And become
a stand-up comic.
147
00:06:18,809 --> 00:06:23,347
Matthew, if this is your
roundabout way to tell me
you're gay,
148
00:06:23,414 --> 00:06:25,548
You don't have to.
I accept it.
149
00:06:25,616 --> 00:06:26,716
I'm not gay.
150
00:06:26,784 --> 00:06:29,186
Oh, yes, you are.
151
00:06:29,253 --> 00:06:30,720
Sorry, but I'm not.
152
00:06:30,788 --> 00:06:33,390
And I really
want to do comedy.
153
00:06:33,458 --> 00:06:35,158
Oh...Comedy. No, matthew.
154
00:06:35,226 --> 00:06:37,127
That's so undignified.
155
00:06:37,195 --> 00:06:39,696
How could you do
this to me?
156
00:06:39,763 --> 00:06:42,165
Maybe I won't make
a career of it,
157
00:06:42,233 --> 00:06:44,134
But I've been performing
at some clubs,
158
00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:45,602
And I'm not half bad.
159
00:06:45,669 --> 00:06:48,105
When you wrote me about
your comedy competition,
160
00:06:48,172 --> 00:06:50,107
I came so you
could see it.
161
00:06:50,174 --> 00:06:51,475
You didn't quit your job?
162
00:06:51,542 --> 00:06:53,043
For a little while.
163
00:06:53,111 --> 00:06:54,611
Oh!
164
00:06:54,678 --> 00:06:57,114
Well, forgive me
if I cannot laugh, matthew,
165
00:06:57,181 --> 00:07:01,118
But I find nothing funny
about my son ruining his life.
166
00:07:01,185 --> 00:07:03,620
I don't want to talk
about this anymore.
167
00:07:03,687 --> 00:07:05,122
Let's get you checked in.
168
00:07:05,189 --> 00:07:08,191
You want to listen
to some show tunes later?
169
00:07:09,460 --> 00:07:11,794
Straight as an arrow, mom.
170
00:07:11,862 --> 00:07:12,996
Damn!
171
00:07:19,703 --> 00:07:21,138
Hello.
172
00:07:21,205 --> 00:07:22,605
Oh, hello!
173
00:07:22,673 --> 00:07:24,641
You're probably
wondering why I screamed
174
00:07:24,708 --> 00:07:27,244
And ran away
from you this morning.
175
00:07:27,311 --> 00:07:28,745
I'm used to that.
176
00:07:28,812 --> 00:07:31,014
I used to sell amway.
177
00:07:33,051 --> 00:07:33,983
Uh, please.
178
00:07:34,052 --> 00:07:35,152
Oh.
179
00:07:35,219 --> 00:07:37,154
My name is bill douglas.
180
00:07:37,221 --> 00:07:38,355
Rose nylund.
181
00:07:38,423 --> 00:07:39,489
Mm-hmm.
182
00:07:39,557 --> 00:07:43,460
The reason why I reacted
the way I did was...
183
00:07:43,528 --> 00:07:48,098
Was...Uh, well, just
before I saw you,
184
00:07:48,166 --> 00:07:52,035
I remembered I forgot
to unplug the iron
back at the house.
185
00:07:52,103 --> 00:07:54,104
Oh, is everything
all right?
186
00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:57,674
I don't know.
I sold the house
in 1976.
187
00:08:00,178 --> 00:08:04,013
I guess I would've heard
something by now.
188
00:08:04,082 --> 00:08:05,848
Uh, where did you live?
189
00:08:05,916 --> 00:08:08,818
Oh, in a beautiful
little town
in minnesota
190
00:08:08,886 --> 00:08:09,819
Called st. Olaf.
191
00:08:09,887 --> 00:08:11,188
Oh.
192
00:08:12,190 --> 00:08:14,057
Have you
ever been there?
193
00:08:14,125 --> 00:08:16,726
My wife and I
honeymooned there.
194
00:08:16,794 --> 00:08:18,128
Oh...
195
00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:21,331
Will your wife
be joining you here?
196
00:08:21,399 --> 00:08:23,866
Oh, no.
She passed away
a few years ago.
197
00:08:23,934 --> 00:08:27,571
Oh! Oh...That must
have been hard.
198
00:08:27,638 --> 00:08:29,573
Yes, it was.
199
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:33,009
Would you like to have
dinner with me tonight?
200
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:34,611
Well, yes.
201
00:08:34,678 --> 00:08:35,645
Ah!
202
00:08:35,713 --> 00:08:37,046
What time?
203
00:08:37,115 --> 00:08:38,148
7:00?
204
00:08:38,216 --> 00:08:39,549
In the lobby?
205
00:08:39,617 --> 00:08:44,254
Oh, I'm sorry.
We don't serve dinner
in the lobby.
206
00:08:44,322 --> 00:08:48,091
Why don't you and I
just meet in the lobby,
207
00:08:48,159 --> 00:08:51,595
And then we'll go out
to a restaurant?
208
00:08:51,662 --> 00:08:53,096
Great!
209
00:08:53,164 --> 00:08:55,599
Ha! All right.
See you at 7:00.
210
00:08:55,666 --> 00:08:56,899
Yeah.
211
00:08:58,302 --> 00:09:01,704
Wow! And smart, too.
212
00:09:06,511 --> 00:09:09,446
Chuy, I'm setting
up the lineup
for Saturday.
213
00:09:09,514 --> 00:09:10,813
Still want to go on?
214
00:09:10,881 --> 00:09:12,549
Why wouldn't I want to?
215
00:09:12,617 --> 00:09:15,152
'cause I saw you
rehearsing
your act today.
216
00:09:16,187 --> 00:09:18,788
Somebody cr-rack
a window!
217
00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:24,427
You're just saying that
because I'm not using
your lousy jokes.
218
00:09:24,495 --> 00:09:25,895
What about your jokes?
219
00:09:25,963 --> 00:09:29,132
I had a dream I ate
a giant marshmallow.
220
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,635
When I woke up,
my pillow was gone.
221
00:09:31,702 --> 00:09:34,538
Ha ha ha ha.
Va-voom!
222
00:09:34,605 --> 00:09:38,642
That joke is so old,
pia zadora wouldn't
marry it.
223
00:09:38,709 --> 00:09:43,313
I talked to my friend.
He thinks he can make it.
224
00:09:43,381 --> 00:09:45,382
Great. What's his name?
225
00:09:45,449 --> 00:09:46,883
Oh, this is crazy.
226
00:09:46,950 --> 00:09:48,385
I just had it.
227
00:09:48,452 --> 00:09:54,191
I tell you, at my age
the first thing
to go is the, uh...
228
00:09:54,258 --> 00:09:55,392
Mind?
229
00:09:55,459 --> 00:09:56,959
No. Help yourself.
230
00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:03,567
Look, if he shows up,
I'll put him on right after
matthew devereaux.
231
00:10:03,634 --> 00:10:05,802
Matthew's not entering
the laugh-off.
232
00:10:05,869 --> 00:10:05,935
Does matthew know this?
233
00:10:07,271 --> 00:10:08,672
Does matdoes matthew know what?
234
00:10:08,739 --> 00:10:11,140
I forbid you
to enter this contest.
235
00:10:11,209 --> 00:10:14,411
Mom, I'm 35.
Your forbidding days
are over.
236
00:10:14,478 --> 00:10:15,912
Don't get smart
with me.
237
00:10:15,979 --> 00:10:18,415
I've been reading
some of your material.
238
00:10:18,482 --> 00:10:21,718
When I was young,
my mother used so much makeup,
239
00:10:21,785 --> 00:10:25,422
Her pillowcase looked like
a picture of a clown.
240
00:10:27,291 --> 00:10:29,326
Hey, you can't do that.
241
00:10:29,393 --> 00:10:30,427
Thank you, chuy.
242
00:10:30,494 --> 00:10:32,529
I'm doing a pillow joke.
243
00:10:33,698 --> 00:10:35,232
Where'd you get
that pad?
244
00:10:35,299 --> 00:10:36,733
From your room.
245
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,235
The e are personal.
246
00:10:38,302 --> 00:10:39,802
Well, they certainly are.
247
00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:42,305
Making a fool of yourself
is one thing,
248
00:10:42,373 --> 00:10:45,108
But you're not making me
look like one, too.
249
00:10:45,175 --> 00:10:47,577
You had no right
to invade my privacy.
250
00:10:47,645 --> 00:10:49,078
My point exactly.
251
00:10:49,146 --> 00:10:52,415
Matthew, you're not
doing this to me.
252
00:10:55,886 --> 00:10:57,186
I should talk
to matthew.
253
00:10:57,255 --> 00:10:58,521
Think you can help?
254
00:10:58,589 --> 00:11:03,059
I know I can.
I have over a thousand
blanche slut jokes.
255
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:10,734
Well...
256
00:11:10,801 --> 00:11:12,235
What a night, huh?
257
00:11:12,303 --> 00:11:15,872
I don't think I've had
this much fun in years.
258
00:11:15,939 --> 00:11:19,376
I can't remember when
I last danced the polka.
259
00:11:19,443 --> 00:11:21,678
Did you like
my solo?
260
00:11:21,746 --> 00:11:22,845
Oh!
261
00:11:22,913 --> 00:11:24,213
I'm always impressed
262
00:11:24,282 --> 00:11:27,216
When somebody
jumps up on a table
263
00:11:27,285 --> 00:11:29,386
And stands on her hands.
264
00:11:29,453 --> 00:11:30,887
Thank you, sir.
265
00:11:30,954 --> 00:11:34,724
Actually, that's
the way we dance
back in st. Olaf.
266
00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:35,792
Oh?
267
00:11:39,330 --> 00:11:42,799
Bill, there's something
I have to tell you.
268
00:11:42,866 --> 00:11:44,701
Can I tell you
something first?
269
00:11:44,769 --> 00:11:48,672
Well, I have been
alone for seven years.
270
00:11:48,739 --> 00:11:50,973
I tried dating.
271
00:11:51,041 --> 00:11:52,809
I know what you mean.
272
00:11:52,876 --> 00:11:55,178
Oh, yes. But...
273
00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:56,646
You're very different.
274
00:11:56,714 --> 00:12:00,116
When I'm with you,
I feel...
275
00:12:00,184 --> 00:12:01,484
Comfortable.
276
00:12:01,552 --> 00:12:03,986
Just comfortable?
277
00:12:04,054 --> 00:12:05,488
Don't underrate that.
278
00:12:05,556 --> 00:12:08,558
When you're comfortable,
279
00:12:08,626 --> 00:12:14,364
You allow yourself
to feel wonderful things.
280
00:12:14,432 --> 00:12:15,432
Like what?
281
00:12:15,499 --> 00:12:16,599
Like this.
282
00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:24,674
Or this.
283
00:12:36,820 --> 00:12:39,254
I won't be going
to the show tonight,
284
00:12:39,322 --> 00:12:41,791
So there's another
ticket you can sell.
285
00:12:41,858 --> 00:12:43,258
You got to go.
286
00:12:43,326 --> 00:12:45,928
I sold matthew this joke
no one will get
287
00:12:45,995 --> 00:12:47,963
If they can't see you.
288
00:12:54,504 --> 00:12:57,072
I mean, he's your son.
289
00:12:58,975 --> 00:13:01,677
This is
a big night
for the hotel.
290
00:13:01,745 --> 00:13:04,447
I'm not going
if matthew's going on.
291
00:13:04,514 --> 00:13:06,449
He used
to be so responsible.
292
00:13:06,516 --> 00:13:08,951
Last night he said
he wasn't happy anymore
293
00:13:09,018 --> 00:13:10,453
Being a stockbroker.
294
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,955
I thought
how hard his daddy worked
295
00:13:13,022 --> 00:13:14,457
Giving him an education
296
00:13:14,524 --> 00:13:16,459
So he'd have some security.
297
00:13:16,526 --> 00:13:19,027
And he'll just
throw it all away.
298
00:13:19,095 --> 00:13:21,363
I think you're behaving
ridiculously.
299
00:13:21,431 --> 00:13:26,234
You should talk.
You went out with a guy
who looks like charlie.
300
00:13:26,302 --> 00:13:29,204
How would you like me
to iron those wrinkles
301
00:13:29,272 --> 00:13:32,475
Out of your face,
you little snitch?
302
00:13:33,543 --> 00:13:35,043
Oh, I'd love that.
303
00:13:38,414 --> 00:13:40,048
Rose, you didn't.
304
00:13:40,116 --> 00:13:42,050
It was no big deal.
305
00:13:42,118 --> 00:13:45,420
He asked me out,
we danced a little,
306
00:13:45,489 --> 00:13:48,390
And...He gave me
a tiny kiss.
307
00:13:48,458 --> 00:13:50,425
And we laughed and cried.
308
00:13:50,494 --> 00:13:53,428
I stood on my hands.
309
00:13:53,497 --> 00:13:57,466
Oh, god, I think I love him.
310
00:13:57,534 --> 00:13:59,267
Did you tell him
about charlie?
311
00:13:59,335 --> 00:14:00,536
Well--
312
00:14:00,604 --> 00:14:02,938
Oh, rose, you don't
even know this man.
313
00:14:03,006 --> 00:14:04,940
You just
think you do,
314
00:14:05,008 --> 00:14:06,942
And this isn't
fair to him.
315
00:14:07,010 --> 00:14:10,479
I know. You're right.
I have to tell him.
316
00:14:10,547 --> 00:14:12,047
But you're lucky, blanche.
317
00:14:12,115 --> 00:14:13,015
I'm lucky?
318
00:14:13,082 --> 00:14:14,984
If you want to see george,
319
00:14:15,051 --> 00:14:17,987
You don't have
to look any further
than matthew.
320
00:14:18,054 --> 00:14:19,021
She's right.
321
00:14:19,088 --> 00:14:21,557
How many times
have you told us
322
00:14:21,625 --> 00:14:24,326
Matthew acts and
thinks like george,
that matthew...
323
00:14:24,394 --> 00:14:26,562
Is exactly like
his father.
324
00:14:28,064 --> 00:14:29,431
Would you excuse me?
325
00:14:29,499 --> 00:14:32,568
I think I want
to talk to my son.
326
00:14:34,905 --> 00:14:36,371
Every so often
I remember
327
00:14:36,439 --> 00:14:40,676
How much I need
that male voice
in my life, too.
328
00:14:40,744 --> 00:14:43,078
Want me to get
dorothy on the phone?
329
00:14:43,146 --> 00:14:45,180
Would you, darling?
330
00:14:45,248 --> 00:14:46,849
Matthew, may I speak
to you a minute?
331
00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:49,785
Don't worry.
I'm not going on tonight.
332
00:14:49,853 --> 00:14:50,786
Oh?
333
00:14:50,854 --> 00:14:51,954
O.K.
334
00:14:52,022 --> 00:14:55,991
Did I ever tell you
how I met your father?
335
00:14:56,059 --> 00:14:57,159
No.
336
00:14:57,226 --> 00:14:59,161
He was
a carnival barker,
337
00:14:59,228 --> 00:15:00,729
Putting himself
through college.
338
00:15:00,797 --> 00:15:02,865
I didn't know that.
339
00:15:02,933 --> 00:15:05,500
Oh, yes. He used
to sell these dice
340
00:15:05,569 --> 00:15:07,002
From "paris, France."
341
00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:08,637
They were like
regular dice
342
00:15:08,705 --> 00:15:11,473
Until you held them
up to the light.
343
00:15:11,541 --> 00:15:12,841
I remember him
doing that.
344
00:15:12,909 --> 00:15:14,209
That's how you met?
345
00:15:14,277 --> 00:15:16,311
Hell, I bought
six pairs.
346
00:15:18,147 --> 00:15:21,050
After he became
a lawyer,
he used to do it
347
00:15:21,117 --> 00:15:23,052
At parties
and charity events.
348
00:15:23,119 --> 00:15:25,054
And then he became
too successful,
349
00:15:25,121 --> 00:15:27,022
And it wasn't
dignified anymore
350
00:15:27,090 --> 00:15:32,061
For him to put on
that straw hat and
do his little pitch.
351
00:15:32,128 --> 00:15:36,699
Lord, how that man
love to make a fool
of himself.
352
00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:38,333
What are you saying?
353
00:15:38,401 --> 00:15:39,835
Oh, I'm saying...
354
00:15:39,903 --> 00:15:43,338
Go out there and
make a fool of yourself.
355
00:15:43,406 --> 00:15:45,307
You'd make your father
proud of you.
356
00:15:45,374 --> 00:15:46,809
What about you?
357
00:15:48,044 --> 00:15:50,779
I'm proud of you
whatever you do.
358
00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:52,347
Ohh...Mom.
359
00:16:02,558 --> 00:16:04,994
Oh, I was waiting
for you.
360
00:16:05,061 --> 00:16:06,495
No, sit down, bill.
361
00:16:06,562 --> 00:16:08,497
I have something
to show you.
362
00:16:08,564 --> 00:16:09,564
Mm-hmm.
363
00:16:11,567 --> 00:16:12,567
Ah...
364
00:16:13,637 --> 00:16:16,005
A picture of you and...
365
00:16:16,072 --> 00:16:17,205
And me?
366
00:16:17,273 --> 00:16:19,374
Sitting on a cow.
367
00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:22,978
No, that's me...
368
00:16:23,046 --> 00:16:25,814
With my late
husband charlie.
369
00:16:25,882 --> 00:16:26,982
Wow.
370
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:29,518
It certainly explains
371
00:16:29,585 --> 00:16:32,487
Your instant attraction
to me.
372
00:16:32,555 --> 00:16:34,990
I wanted to tell you
right away, but--
373
00:16:35,058 --> 00:16:38,426
But you wanted to extend
the fantasy a little longer.
374
00:16:38,494 --> 00:16:40,295
Don't be angry.
Please.
375
00:16:40,363 --> 00:16:41,764
No, no, I'm not.
376
00:16:41,831 --> 00:16:43,498
But let's be honest...
377
00:16:43,566 --> 00:16:46,969
Would you ever
be able to look at me
378
00:16:47,037 --> 00:16:49,604
Without thinking
about charlie?
379
00:16:49,673 --> 00:16:51,974
Well, maybe not
right at first,
380
00:16:52,042 --> 00:16:53,542
But after
a little while.
381
00:16:53,609 --> 00:16:56,545
You would never be
able to know
382
00:16:56,612 --> 00:16:59,247
Able to know how
you really felt about me.
383
00:16:59,315 --> 00:17:01,616
I don't think
it's going to work.
384
00:17:01,685 --> 00:17:03,118
I'm so sorry.
385
00:17:03,186 --> 00:17:04,119
I'll leave.
386
00:17:04,187 --> 00:17:06,388
No, I don't
want you to leave.
387
00:17:06,455 --> 00:17:09,524
I don't think
I could stand that
again.
388
00:17:09,592 --> 00:17:11,493
You see,
when charlie died,
389
00:17:11,561 --> 00:17:13,528
It all happened
so fast
390
00:17:13,596 --> 00:17:16,031
I never got a chance
to say goodbye.
391
00:17:16,099 --> 00:17:20,169
And now you're just
going to walk out
on me, too?
392
00:17:20,236 --> 00:17:24,206
Rose, if you could
say goodbye
to charlie right now,
393
00:17:24,273 --> 00:17:25,841
What would you say?
394
00:17:25,909 --> 00:17:27,676
What would I say?
395
00:17:27,744 --> 00:17:29,712
What would you say
to charlie?
396
00:17:33,416 --> 00:17:35,017
Charlie...
397
00:17:35,085 --> 00:17:39,054
The 30 years that
we spent together...
398
00:17:40,356 --> 00:17:42,024
Seemed...
399
00:17:42,092 --> 00:17:43,558
Like a day.
400
00:17:44,894 --> 00:17:46,294
When you died...
401
00:17:46,362 --> 00:17:48,864
Part of me died, too.
402
00:17:51,267 --> 00:17:53,001
I love you.
403
00:17:53,069 --> 00:17:55,104
And I miss you.
404
00:18:01,845 --> 00:18:04,012
Goodbye, rose.
405
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,148
Thank you, bill.
406
00:18:13,489 --> 00:18:15,023
How you feeling,
kiddo?
407
00:18:15,091 --> 00:18:18,093
Not so good.
408
00:18:18,161 --> 00:18:21,596
My friend the comic
I told you about is here.
409
00:18:21,664 --> 00:18:22,898
That's nice.
410
00:18:22,966 --> 00:18:25,634
Come and meet him.
The guy's a hoot.
411
00:18:25,701 --> 00:18:30,172
Sophia, I really
don't feel like
hooting right now.
412
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,041
Come on. It'll
do you some good.
413
00:18:35,145 --> 00:18:38,546
Rose, sophia told me
to cheer you up.
414
00:18:39,548 --> 00:18:40,615
So I will.
415
00:18:42,285 --> 00:18:43,718
Here's a cigar.
416
00:18:43,787 --> 00:18:46,421
Oh, I don't smoke.
417
00:18:47,490 --> 00:18:50,392
O.K., that didn't
get a laugh.
418
00:18:50,459 --> 00:18:51,559
Um...
419
00:18:51,627 --> 00:18:53,561
I'll tell you
a joke.
420
00:18:53,629 --> 00:18:55,630
Um...Have you
heard this one?
421
00:18:55,698 --> 00:18:57,900
I don't think so.
422
00:18:57,967 --> 00:18:59,968
I haven't told it yet.
423
00:19:00,036 --> 00:19:01,804
Ooh!
424
00:19:01,871 --> 00:19:05,240
Teacher said to a kid,
"what does your father do?"
425
00:19:05,308 --> 00:19:07,176
He says,
"my father's a doctor."
426
00:19:07,243 --> 00:19:10,179
To another kid,
"what does your father do?"
427
00:19:10,246 --> 00:19:11,479
"my father's a lawyer."
428
00:19:11,547 --> 00:19:14,516
To a third kid,
"what does your father do?"
429
00:19:14,583 --> 00:19:16,018
He says,
"my father's dead."
430
00:19:16,085 --> 00:19:18,020
"what did he do
before he died?"
431
00:19:18,087 --> 00:19:20,355
He says,
"he went, ooh!"
432
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:26,128
"here's a cigar."
433
00:19:28,597 --> 00:19:30,765
Mr. Burns,
whenever you're ready.
434
00:19:30,834 --> 00:19:32,034
Ready?
435
00:19:32,101 --> 00:19:35,037
I've been ready
for 97 years.
436
00:19:35,104 --> 00:19:37,039
Ready! Let's take a walk.
437
00:19:37,106 --> 00:19:38,406
O.K.
438
00:19:41,277 --> 00:19:42,510
Thank you.
439
00:19:42,578 --> 00:19:44,246
Thank you. Thank you.
440
00:19:46,015 --> 00:19:47,015
Thank you.
441
00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:48,550
Thank you very much.
442
00:19:48,617 --> 00:19:50,552
Now for my last song,
443
00:19:50,619 --> 00:19:54,122
I'll sing a song that's
going to make rose happy.
444
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:56,959
Morty, in sam newman's key.
445
00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:01,930
♪ I love to call you
rose, dear ♪
446
00:20:01,998 --> 00:20:04,333
♪ but roses fade away ♪
447
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:08,237
♪ roses die when
wintertime appears ♪
448
00:20:08,304 --> 00:20:10,705
♪ and I love to
call you daisy ♪
449
00:20:10,773 --> 00:20:12,741
♪ but daisies always tell ♪
450
00:20:12,808 --> 00:20:16,945
♪ what sweethearts like
to whisper in your ear ♪
451
00:20:17,013 --> 00:20:18,613
♪ I'd love
to call you honey ♪
452
00:20:18,681 --> 00:20:21,016
♪ but honey runs away ♪
453
00:20:21,084 --> 00:20:24,386
♪ I much prefer a name
like clinging vine ♪
454
00:20:24,453 --> 00:20:26,388
♪ and if I called you
buttercup ♪
455
00:20:26,455 --> 00:20:28,723
♪ the dandelions
would eat you up ♪
456
00:20:28,791 --> 00:20:31,760
♪ so I'll buy a ring ♪
457
00:20:31,827 --> 00:20:34,062
♪ and change your name ♪
458
00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:36,265
♪ and change your name ♪
459
00:20:36,332 --> 00:20:38,133
♪ and buy a ring ♪
460
00:20:38,201 --> 00:20:40,369
♪ oh, I'll change it,
and I'll buy it ♪
461
00:20:40,436 --> 00:20:42,337
♪ and I'll buy it
and I'll change it ♪
462
00:20:42,405 --> 00:20:45,440
♪ I'll buy a ring and
change your name to mine ♪
463
00:20:45,508 --> 00:20:46,775
♪ pom pom ♪♪
464
00:20:46,842 --> 00:20:48,843
[applause and cheers]
465
00:20:57,954 --> 00:20:59,554
Did you like that,
rosie?
466
00:20:59,622 --> 00:21:01,990
Oh, I sure did, sam.
467
00:21:04,894 --> 00:21:06,828
My name isn't sam.
468
00:21:06,896 --> 00:21:09,331
It's williams of
brown and williams.
469
00:21:09,399 --> 00:21:10,432
Oh!
470
00:21:23,778 --> 00:21:24,712
George burns!
471
00:21:24,779 --> 00:21:26,381
George burns. All right!
472
00:21:27,616 --> 00:21:29,550
Mr. George burns.
473
00:21:29,618 --> 00:21:31,352
And now...
474
00:21:31,420 --> 00:21:33,554
The comedy stylings
475
00:21:33,622 --> 00:21:35,556
Of mr. Corney castillos.
476
00:21:48,504 --> 00:21:49,904
'scuse me.
477
00:21:49,971 --> 00:21:52,407
Captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.
478
00:21:52,474 --> 00:21:59,547
Captions copyright 1993
touchstone pictures
and television
32429
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