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1
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.
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00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:01,865
[upbeat music]
3
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- So we're--we're not sure
if it's the same raccoon,
4
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:10,444
or a cousin, or just
a brand-new raccoon...
5
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:12,778
Does anyone have any questions
about the raccoon?
6
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,383
Jonah.
7
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,045
- Yeah, I have a question
about the layoffs.
8
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:17,254
all: Yes!
9
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:18,385
- Whoa, wait.
There's layoffs?
10
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:19,589
When did this happen?
11
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,520
- We found out
at Cheyenne's wedding.
12
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,255
So when are your testicles
gonna drop so you'll tell us--
13
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:25,161
- Hold up!
Follow up question...
14
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,263
Why wasn't I invited
to your wedding?
15
00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:29,055
- We were keeping it small.
16
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:30,397
- It was nice, though.
- Thanks.
17
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,531
- Who are you?
18
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,165
- Alisha.
I started last week.
19
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,541
- Oh!
20
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,168
- Glenn, why don't you
just tell everybody
21
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,544
who's getting laid off.
22
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,271
- Yeah, we want to know now.
- I don't know.
23
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:41,277
But--but I have until
the end of the day to decide.
24
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:45,179
So in the meantime, a few words
about firework safety.
25
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:46,483
- No one cares
about firework safety!
26
00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,224
- Exactly!
27
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,649
- Glenn, it's not fair
to make everyone wait
28
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,523
until the end of the day.
29
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:55,422
- Okay, I'll--I'll tell you
as soon as I decide, but...
30
00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,526
in the meantime,
let's just try and forget it,
31
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,428
and have a nice, normal day.
32
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:01,300
- [chuckles]
- No, in fact,
33
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,199
let's have the best day ever!
34
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:06,301
Okay? 'Cause for six of you,
it's gonna be your last.
35
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:09,304
[upbeat music]
36
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,167
*
37
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:13,105
- The longer
you drag out this decision,
38
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:14,641
the worse
it's gonna be for everyone.
39
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:17,105
- I know, it's--
40
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:18,845
I love all these people.
41
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,279
- Hey...
42
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,224
you just take all the time
you need, okay?
43
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,450
- I haven't slept
since yesterday
44
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,324
- No!
- Yeah.
45
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:27,223
- I can't even eat.
- [gasps]
46
00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:29,655
- Do either of you want some
of Jerusha's banana bread?
47
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:32,130
'Cause I can't finish
my morning loaf.
48
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,560
- No, thank you.
- I would love some.
49
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,125
Oh, oh!
50
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,574
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
51
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,668
- Look, Glenn, if you really
care about these people,
52
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,670
then don't make them
wait all day without knowing.
53
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,472
Just rip off the Band-Aid.
54
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,474
- Is that cinnamon
I'm tasting?
55
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:46,566
- Taco mix.
56
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,337
- Huh.
57
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,476
Mmm.
58
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,480
- Amy, it's so hard.
59
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:54,252
I mean, how do I fire
six associates?
60
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:55,352
- Wait!
61
00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:56,483
Six associates?
62
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:57,647
This doesn't
affect management?
63
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,415
- Oh, no, no.
You guys are fine.
64
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,503
- It's just another example
of corporate green run amok.
65
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,358
You know?
The fat cats
66
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:11,497
keep filling their coffers--
67
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,272
- [yawns]
- Tired?
68
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,501
- Bored.
69
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:16,696
- You're not--
70
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,607
worried about any of this?
71
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,709
- I just don't get worked up
about most stuff.
72
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,711
- I wish I was more like you.
73
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:26,613
Last night, I accidently
told Amy she was sexy,
74
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,617
and was up half the night
kicking myself for it.
75
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,290
- [chuckles]
But why?
76
00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:33,189
Why would you do that?
77
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:34,421
- I don't know, why--
[stammers]
78
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:35,685
I had a few drinks.
79
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,593
You're not making me
feel better about this.
80
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,325
- Oh, I'm not trying to make
you feel better about this.
81
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,590
What you did was crazy.
82
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,298
That's something
a crazy person would do.
83
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:43,530
- [stammers]
What do I--
84
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:46,204
Should I tell her
I didn't mean it?
85
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,404
- Definitely. Please.
86
00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:48,535
Just make sure I'm there...
87
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:49,739
when you walk up
to Amy and say,
88
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,470
"Hey, you're not sexy."
89
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,405
Why would you use that word?
- I don't know!
90
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,711
Lots of people
use the word sexy.
91
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,483
- Oh, yeah, sure.
92
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,551
Tons of people like
hilarious, gay teenagers,
93
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,550
Gloria Estefan,
cartoon skunks...
94
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,382
that's about it.
95
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,347
- I don't know, I feel like
I hear sexy all the time.
96
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,316
- All of us...
97
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:08,655
are vulnerable.
98
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,759
Okay?
That's why we, as Asians,
99
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,431
need to form an alliance.
100
00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:15,330
If one of us gets fired,
we all walk.
101
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:17,573
- Walk where?
102
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:21,338
- No, if we stick together,
then they can't fire all of us.
103
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:23,769
Right?
Are we all in?
104
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,444
Asian Alliance?
105
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:27,443
- Technically,
I'm Native Hawaiian,
106
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:30,435
so can we say
Asian/Polynesian?
107
00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:32,678
- Ugh! Just...
- Sorry.
108
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,453
- Have you decided which
employees you're letting go?
109
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:38,694
- Why don't you try
and guess who they are?
110
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,249
- Glenn--
- Wrong!
111
00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:41,718
- No, I was saying your name.
112
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:43,355
Look, I know it's tough,
but I need an answer
113
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:44,591
within one hour.
114
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,455
Okay?
- No!
115
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,464
- Excuse me?
116
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:51,366
- You heard me, I s--
I said, no.
117
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:54,599
I am taking a stand.
I am not gonna fire anyone!
118
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,795
- Well, you have to.
119
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,607
- Okay.
120
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:01,609
[playing Boston's
"More Than A Feeling"]
121
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:05,382
- * I see my Marianne
walkin' away *
122
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,283
- My husband's out of work,
and I just got this job.
123
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,545
I can't afford to lose it.
124
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,852
- Oh, I'm sure
you'll be fine.
125
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,823
You seem smart,
and dependable...
126
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,622
and sexy, and--
and you're a hard worker.
127
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,485
- What'd you call me?
128
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:17,494
- Dependable?
129
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,485
- I have six children...
130
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:21,497
one of whom
is messed the [bleep] up.
131
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,829
I do not need some
overgrown leprechaun
132
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,504
harassing me at work.
133
00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:26,633
- [glass breaks]
[screams]
134
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,297
Uh, uh, uh!
135
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:29,536
I'm sorry, I-I--
I'm cleaning it up!
136
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,340
- No, no! No! Cheyenne!
137
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:32,742
That's glass!
- No, no, that's a bad idea.
138
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,413
- It's okay,
I don't want Glenn to find out.
139
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,512
I-I don't mind.
140
00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:38,514
Ow!
- No, stop!
141
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:40,306
- Ow!
142
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:42,848
- Okay, if she bleeds out,
call someone.
143
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,323
- Ow! Ow.
144
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,753
- Please do not leer at me.
145
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,417
- Hey, Glenn, people are
starting to get a little
146
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:50,857
crazy...
147
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,431
out there...
148
00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:57,868
.
149
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:58,468
- All of us are vulnerable.
150
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,568
Okay, that's why
we as gay people...
151
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,442
we need to form an alliance.
152
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,341
- I'm in.
- Uh, actually,
153
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:07,643
I'm not a lesbian.
154
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:08,875
- Girl...
155
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,349
- Turns out
management is safe.
156
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:12,679
Found out the hard way.
157
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,353
I had to eat some of
Glenn's banana bread.
158
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,452
I'm gonna be backed up
till Sunday.
159
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:17,794
Maybe I'll have
chili for lunch.
160
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,588
Blast it with dynamite.
161
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,820
- Well, it's...
162
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,794
good to know
you'll be sticking around.
163
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,694
- Why?
164
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:28,696
- Just something people say.
165
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:29,899
- Hm.
166
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,730
- I mean...
167
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,695
wouldn't you be glad to hear
I wasn't losing my job?
168
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,604
- No more than anyone else.
169
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,606
Wait, is this because
we've been having sex?
170
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:38,908
- Well, no, I just thought--
171
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,709
- All animals have sex!
172
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:41,811
I know what you're gonna say.
173
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,482
Not certain kinds of worms.
174
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:44,811
Whatever, Poindexter.
175
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:45,945
- No worms have sex.
176
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,619
They all have sex
with themselves.
177
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:48,818
- Here we go.
178
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,619
- Look, how about we...
179
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,621
How about we rank people?
180
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,393
Like, on a scale
from one to ten.
181
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,392
If you had to give
Elias a number...
182
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,834
based on
job performance alone.
183
00:05:58,859 --> 00:05:59,929
What would it be?
184
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,630
- Elias?
185
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,832
That's easy. Ten.
186
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,734
- Okay.
187
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,736
Okay, so we know
we're not considering Elias.
188
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,509
Um...
what about Sarah?
189
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,639
- Oh!
She's even better than Elias.
190
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:14,844
- Right!
- Yeah.
191
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,405
- So if Sarah
is better than Elias,
192
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:20,645
then maybe we give
a Elias a nine?
193
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:22,681
- No, make Sarah an 11.
194
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,618
- Okay. Yeah.
195
00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:27,924
- The National
Weather Service
196
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,815
has issued
a heightened tornado watch
197
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,827
for the St. Louis area--
- Wind speeds up to 200 mph
198
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,830
are expected--
- Important information
199
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,732
you absolutely need
to know to survive.
200
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,934
- Not only
did Lisa Rinna design
201
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:41,536
this fabulous cardigan herself,
202
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,739
she owns it in all 17 colors.
203
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,211
- Attention, shoppers.
204
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,538
If you are the owner
of a four-door,
205
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:50,205
beige, sexy Cabriolet,
your lights are on.
206
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:54,753
That again is a beige,
sexy Cabriolet.
207
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,222
- Subtle.
208
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,949
- I'm just talking
how I talk.
209
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,945
- Tell me if this is weird.
210
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,657
Dina said she didn't care
211
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,889
if I'm the one
who gets laid off.
212
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,234
- What? That is weird.
213
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,658
You guys are in,
like, a relationship.
214
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:07,864
- Uh, no.
[chuckles]
215
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:09,655
We're not.
- Yeah, but, you know...
216
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:11,227
You're sleeping together.
217
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,874
- Pfft, I ain't sleeping
with all those birds.
218
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,570
[chuckles]
219
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:15,972
- You're having sex.
220
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,573
- Okay, yeah, sure,
but why does that matter?
221
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:19,966
- Because there's usually...
222
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:22,577
you know, an emotional
component to sex.
223
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:23,780
- Not with us.
224
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,583
- Okay,
then it's not weird.
225
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:28,815
- I don't think so either.
226
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,594
- Okay, so...
227
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:36,520
Mateo is a 43,
Mary is a 42.5...
228
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,957
and Cody, who grows weed
in the garden center...
229
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,063
is a 42.
230
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:45,525
On a scale from one to ten.
231
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:46,966
- I hire good people.
232
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,640
- Look, there is
no right answer here.
233
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,070
Glenn, you could
walk out into the store
234
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:52,774
and ask every single person,
235
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,836
and they're all gonna have
a different opinion.
236
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,606
- Okay.
237
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,505
Everyone write down the names
238
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:02,617
of the six people
you think should be laid off.
239
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,520
- And you're gonna fire
whoever we say?
240
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:07,962
- No, we're all gonna fire
whoever we all say.
241
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,688
Together.
As a family.
242
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:10,993
- So like a family,
243
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:12,094
we'll decide
which siblings to get rid of
244
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,625
through simple majority.
245
00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:14,931
- That doesn't make any sense.
246
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,062
We're just gonna wind up
splitting the vote,
247
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,626
and then we're all in danger.
248
00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:18,965
Someone just say someone's name,
249
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,629
and we'll all vote
on that person.
250
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:23,068
- Marcus.
- [laughing]
251
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,813
No, for real, though.
252
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,068
- I'll do Marcus.
[overlapping chatter]
253
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,076
- No, no, no, bad.
254
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,978
- I think we should
fire the sluts.
255
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,080
- I hope not all of us sluts.
256
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,652
- You're not a slut, Justine,
stop trying to seem interesting.
257
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,052
- I mean, Sandra.
258
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,553
She stole my boyfriend,
and she's bad at zoning.
259
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:39,646
- You don't have to explain it.
260
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:40,987
Everybody put Sandra.
261
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,091
- Okay, Sandra.
[overlapping chatter]
262
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,962
- Okay.
263
00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:45,791
- Glenn, I think asking for
everybody's input is--
264
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:49,096
is an interesting,
and noble, and sexy idea,
265
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,059
but it's a mistake.
266
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,998
- It can't be a mistake if
it's what everyone votes for.
267
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,574
- Oh, yeah,
that's always true.
268
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:58,113
- This may not be
politically correct...
269
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:01,578
but let's just fire
all the minorities.
270
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,809
[overlapping chatter]
271
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,584
- This is not a democracy.
272
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,013
It's mob rule.
273
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,577
- What's the difference?
274
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,946
- [stammers] Um...
275
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,724
uh, wow, that's a really
interesting thought.
276
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,123
- Glenn, just
a friendly reminder.
277
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,024
Jeff is gonna need
a decision in three minutes.
278
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,026
*
279
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,689
- Uh, okay, I'm--
280
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,128
I-I just need to...
281
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,832
check on something...
282
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:26,595
- What?
- Are we still voting?
283
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:29,604
Where'd he go?
- Mine's already filled out.
284
00:09:29,637 --> 00:09:31,607
[all clamoring]
- There he goes. There he goes.
285
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:34,609
[Creedence Clearwater Revival's
"Have You Ever Seen The Rain?"]
286
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:37,012
- * Been that way
for all my time *
287
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,212
- Sup, Glenn.
288
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,777
- Oh, hey, guys.
289
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,975
I was just
heading out to the...
290
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,787
[murmurs unintelligibly]
291
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,219
- Gorflorkinson?
292
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,224
- No.
293
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,786
- Glenn!
- Hm?
294
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,234
- You have to make
a decision now.
295
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,989
- Okay, fine.
296
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:57,127
I'm just gonna say it.
297
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,904
Unless something stops me.
298
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,802
Like when an angel comes
299
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,804
at the last possible second
300
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,866
in the bible!
301
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,154
But that doesn't
seem to be happening
302
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:16,920
because that last
possible second is now.
303
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,050
Like, right now.
304
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:20,746
Hey, welcome to Cloud 9!
305
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,158
Can I help--
- Glenn!
306
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:24,159
- Chris, Alex, Cody,
Justine, Henry, and Marcus.
307
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:25,861
- Why?
- [chuckling]
308
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:27,863
- Oh!
- You wanna fire me?
309
00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:29,425
Well, guess what?
If I go...
310
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,862
Mateo goes, too.
311
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:32,068
We have an alliance.
312
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,229
Right, buddy?
313
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:38,073
Oh, real nice.
314
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,865
So much for Dave Matthews fans
sticking together.
315
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:43,178
[alarm wailing]
316
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:44,440
- What is that?
What is going on?
317
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,977
- Sounds like
a prison escape.
318
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,083
- No, guys.
It's Color Wars.
319
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:49,875
- No,
it's a tornado warning!
320
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,177
- [gasps]
- All right.
321
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,788
Everybody stay inside.
322
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,250
We are gonna
lock this place down.
323
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,187
- Okay...
324
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,863
how funny would it had been
325
00:10:57,891 --> 00:11:00,461
if that siren had come
ten seconds earlier!
326
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:04,304
.
327
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,371
- Everyone should find a place
to take shelter until
328
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,104
the tornado either passes,
329
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,935
dissipates,
or hits us head on.
330
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,070
[overlapping concern]
- Which is not going to happen!
331
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,235
This is just a warning.
332
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,043
We're gonna be fine.
333
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,835
- Oh, sorry, I didn't realize
you were a magical gypsy
334
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:17,847
who could tell the future.
335
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,078
She isn't.
336
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,352
- What do we do if
the tornado hits us?
337
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,880
- Uh, what do we do if
the tornado hit us?
338
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,116
I'm not sure, maybe
get blown away by it?
339
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:26,892
- No, no,
you hide under a doorway.
340
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,860
- No, no, no.
That's an earthquake.
341
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:30,359
- Actually, they say you're not
supposed to do that anymore.
342
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,930
- Who cares
what they say not to do
343
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,829
for something
that's not happening.
344
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:35,831
- They say that you should go
towards the eye of the storm.
345
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,263
- Where's
the eye of the storm, Amy?
346
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,367
- I don't know.
- That's what I thought.
347
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,368
- Tell someone you trust.
348
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,940
- Oh, Cheyenne, that's only if
the tornado's molesting you.
349
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,940
- Okay, this is
exactly why I said
350
00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:46,372
we needed to do
tornado drills, Glenn.
351
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,036
- Okay, well,
we'll do a tornado drill
352
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,375
right now, Dina.
- Great!
353
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,849
- Okay, this is just a drill!
354
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,149
Everyone grab a clutch buddy!
355
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,221
- Oh, get off me.
356
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,048
- No--
- Hold on to me.
357
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,294
[overlapping chatter]
- Don't even think about it.
358
00:11:58,318 --> 00:11:59,348
- Get off me!
- I am saving your life.
359
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,316
- I don't wanna be saved by you!
360
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,264
[Creedence Clearwater Revival
"Who'll Stop The Rain"]
361
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,060
- * Caught up in the fable
362
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,392
* I watched the tower
363
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,396
- Bo, I just want to
let you know that
364
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,398
there's a tornado warning,
and...
365
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,971
in case I don't make it,
I want you to make sure that
366
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,871
Harmonica becomes an actress.
367
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:18,313
- I'm okay for now, but
if something is to happen...
368
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,768
Crackers, Harriet, Mr. Beaks...
369
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:22,108
I want you to open the cages.
370
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,312
I know you know how...
371
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,314
I've known for months.
372
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,976
- And, uh, I just wanted to
make sure that Emma's okay.
373
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:31,986
Uh, and you,
obviously, you, too.
374
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,989
I still, you know...
375
00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:36,191
I mean, no matter what...
376
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:37,193
anyway.
377
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:38,434
- Hi, Jerry.
378
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,088
I'm just calling
to let you know that
379
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,997
you should probably
get tested.
380
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,999
There are, like,
ten guys here who say that
381
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,471
Sandra gave them herpes.
382
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:52,366
- [exhales]
383
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,081
Oh, hey.
384
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,979
This kinda puts things
in perspective, huh?
385
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,982
Makes getting fired
seem not so bad.
386
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,415
- I had just saved up
enough money
387
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,190
to put doors back on my car.
388
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,288
- Well, if you got the money,
you can still do it.
389
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,960
- No. 'Cause all that money's
gonna have to go towards food.
390
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:13,091
And movies.
391
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,096
- What happened to
our Catholic alliance?
392
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,328
You lied to me.
393
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,003
- Don't take it personally.
394
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,431
I'm not here
to make friends, Cody.
395
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:22,236
Hate the game, not the player.
396
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:23,899
You get it.
397
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,907
- Nobody loves you.
398
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,269
You're gonna die alone.
399
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,414
- Shut up.
400
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,416
- I got a helmet for when
stuff starts flying around.
401
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:36,878
There was one extra.
Who wants it?
402
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,147
- Oh, me.
- I'll take it.
403
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:39,885
- Hmm, guess
we'll have to flip for it.
404
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,120
- Well...
405
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,324
who do you want
to have the helmet?
406
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,215
- It doesn't matter to me.
407
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,427
Why is everything I have
from Dave & Buster's?
408
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,899
- All right, so you have
a chance to give somebody
409
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,229
a better shot at
surviving a tornado,
410
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,434
and it makes
zero difference to you
411
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,265
if that person is me, or--
412
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:55,401
- Alisha.
- Hey, Dina.
413
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,135
both: Nice to meet you.
414
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,340
- I heard good things
about your interview!
415
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,911
[both chuckling]
- I tried.
416
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:01,911
- What?
417
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,142
- Well, nothing, just...
418
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,336
flip the coin.
419
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:06,908
- I don't wanna die in a Cloud 9
420
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,517
surrounded by diarrhea medicine.
421
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,924
- Well, you know,
[stammers]
422
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,353
we're in a safe place.
423
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,017
You know,
you're supposed to stay away
424
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,356
from south and west walls,
425
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:21,031
and you're never supposed to
hide under an overpass.
426
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,361
That's--
that's just a myth.
427
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,155
- What are you talking about?
428
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,167
- I'm just talking
to comfort you.
429
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,169
Is it working?
- No, not really.
430
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,301
- Okay, I'll keep talking.
431
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:30,936
- Okay.
432
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,371
- I mean, the thing about
this structure is--
433
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,175
[stammers]
It's really solid, you know?
434
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,948
It's very strong,
it's very sturdy.
435
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,278
It's...
436
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:43,282
- It's very sexy.
437
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,086
- I...
438
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,388
think I might be the only one
who could pull that word off.
439
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,219
[fixtures creaking]
- [gasps]
440
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,493
- Oh, that's--
that's just, um...
441
00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,055
that's just the grid.
442
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:57,974
Uh, recalibrating.
443
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:01,468
- We're gonna die in a Cloud 9
surrounded by diarrhea medicine.
444
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,401
- Well...
445
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,966
we should keep talking so
those aren't your last words.
446
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,340
- * It's the final countdown
447
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:15,116
*
448
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:18,148
- [uncomfortable laughter]
449
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,589
I'm sorry,
I'm a little nervous.
450
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:25,261
- Hey, let's all sing a song.
451
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:28,262
* Cantaloupe's
on the fence post *
452
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,425
* Horsey's in the barn
453
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,273
Everybody!
454
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,499
[all singing]
* Flapjack's on the table
455
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:38,514
* Grandpa's spinning a yarn
456
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:41,508
- Average tornado warning
is 13 minutes.
457
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,081
So in about...
458
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,551
four minutes, we'll be fine.
459
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:49,378
[thunder rumbling]
Or, you know...
460
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,616
not.
461
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:55,191
- You suck at
being comforting.
462
00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:58,192
- We're gonna be fine.
463
00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:01,185
[explosive boom]
- [shrieks]
464
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:04,258
[heavy breathing]
465
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,271
- Excuse me.
466
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,072
These razors
say two for one,
467
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,274
but do they mean two razors,
or two packs of razors?
468
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,606
'Cause there's--
there's two per pack.
469
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,082
- Just--just take the--
the one pack, then.
470
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,411
- The one pack?
- Yeah.
471
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:20,606
- But there's two in there.
472
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,177
See, this is the thing.
473
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:25,145
[wind blowing]
474
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,327
- Oh, [bleep].
475
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:44,173
.
476
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:44,544
[wind howling]
477
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,477
[crashing and rumbling]
478
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,708
- Dear Lord Jesus,
479
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:51,082
in your infinite power
and compassion,
480
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,581
please save us
from destruction.
481
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:55,582
Thank you, Jesus, thank you.
- [whimpering]
482
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:58,085
[crashing and rumbling]
483
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,588
- Dear...
484
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,689
Jewish God,
in your infinite power--
485
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,221
- The festive designs
from Caribbean designer
486
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:09,327
Agwe Urgellés were inspired by
accounts of real-life mermaids.
487
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,602
- Amy, come on!
488
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:12,801
[crashing and rumbling]
489
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,802
- Look out for the--
- [screams]
490
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:18,074
[crashing and rumbling]
491
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,537
- It's messed up that you didn't
give me the other helmet!
492
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,206
- You lost the flip!
493
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,545
- There shouldn't have been
a flip, you psycho!
494
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,120
- Why?
495
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:32,319
- Because there's
an emotional component to sex!
496
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,792
- [uncomfortable laughter]
- Buddha, if you speak English,
497
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:36,591
in you infinite power
and compassion, please--
498
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:37,793
- We're all gonna die!
499
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:40,134
- Come on! Run! Run!
500
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,130
[crashing and rumbling]
501
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,133
- Wait! Wait!
502
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,225
Sandra!
503
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,596
Please help!
504
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,244
- I love you, Jeff!
505
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:51,199
I love you.
506
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,338
But I didn't want to die without
letting you know how I feel!
507
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,143
And you use the word
"ostensibly" too much.
508
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,706
But I didn't want to die
without telling you that.
509
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,605
[crashing and rumbling]
510
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,348
- Ahh!
511
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:06,153
- $49.99?
Can we sell it that low?
512
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:09,186
[crashing and rumbling]
513
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:14,893
- In your infinite power
and compassion,
514
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,197
please save us
from destruction.
515
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,299
Thank you, Ganesh.
516
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,300
- We're all gonna die.
517
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,732
[laughing]
518
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,168
- Dear, Allah,
519
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,403
in your infinite power
and compassion,
520
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,307
please save us
from destruction.
521
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:29,709
- [uncomfortable laughter]
522
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:32,782
[storm recedes]
523
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,819
- Thank you...
524
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,222
Allah?
525
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:45,225
[gentle guitar music]
526
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:52,298
*
527
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:09,315
*
528
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:26,332
*
529
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:42,746
*
530
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:46,922
- You guys, I found
my green hair thingy.
531
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:48,823
- Sir, are you hurt?
532
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:54,925
*
533
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:59,971
[indistinct chatter]
534
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:06,268
*
535
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:08,436
- No death or injuries
in a hit like this...
536
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,275
Someone out there must be
looking out for you guys.
537
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:11,510
- Yup.
538
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:14,984
Someone was.
539
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:16,524
- All right, listen up!
540
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,419
Justine!
- Here.
541
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:19,891
- Darren!
- Yeah.
542
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,889
- Garrett!
- Right here.
543
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,292
- Glad you're not dead.
544
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:26,885
- Likewise.
545
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:28,996
- Brett!
546
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,998
Brett!
547
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:34,900
Has anybody seen Brett?
548
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,904
No Brett.
549
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:38,907
- Guys!
550
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,538
Do we sell baby pigs?
551
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,313
I found a baby pig.
552
00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:43,442
[pig squeals]
553
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:47,546
*
554
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,020
- Listen, um, I just wanna--
555
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,918
- Oh, no, you do not--
- No, just let me--
556
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,920
- Amy, seriously--
- Jonah, stop talking.
557
00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:54,322
*
558
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:55,564
I'm saying thank you.
559
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,018
For being there for me,
and--and for...
560
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:00,027
keeping me calm.
561
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,029
- Of course. You know?
562
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:03,461
Anytime.
563
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:04,826
- Mom!
564
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,474
- Emma!
565
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:08,469
Are you okay?
- We're okay.
566
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:11,041
- The phones are down.
We were just worried.
567
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:13,840
I was worried about you.
- I'm okay, I'm okay.
568
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,043
*
569
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:18,575
- Hey! Do you, uh...
570
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,951
guys feel like
getting a drink?
571
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,480
- [exhales]
572
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:24,045
I can definitely go
for a drink right now.
573
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,083
- Yes!
574
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,847
The horsemen ride again!
575
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,586
I think we should
call ourselves the horsemen.
576
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,061
- Okay.
577
00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:33,489
Hey, let's go home.
- Let's do it.
578
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:35,056
- Look out, bartender,
here we come.
579
00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:37,864
[chuckling]
I love drinking, guys.
580
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:39,967
- My car!
581
00:21:39,999 --> 00:21:41,969
- Aw, Giant Taco?
582
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:44,601
Their enchiladas
are crazy good!
583
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,507
I hope they're still open.
584
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:49,509
Do we gotta come
into work tomorrow?
585
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,482
*
39910
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