All language subtitles for Superstore.S02E03.WEBRip.x24-IO10_English

.

[upbeat music]

- Good morning.
- Morning.

- Hm.
- Can't believe we're back.

Same stupid timecards.
Same boring beige halls.

- Actually, I think that
cockroach in the light is new.

- Nope, Ernie's been here
longer than me.

- I'm excited that things
are getting back to normal.

No more corporate
getting all up in our business.

- Oh, you know that the district
manager's still here, right?

- Jeff?
What is Jeff still doing he--

You don't think he's trying
to find a reason to fire me?

Do you?
- No.

Glenn, why would they fire you?

They just hired you back.

- Because they're still mad
that I gave Cheyenne

maternity leave.

Maybe they think that people,
like, just walk all over me.

Like I'm some sort of
pathetic Peter.

- Oh, come on.
They don't--they don't think

you're...that.
- You don't know.

I mean, these corporate guys,
they're out for blood.

Okay? They are vicious,
savage monsters.

- Hey, everybody.
- Hi.

- Um, these are
welcome back flowers.

- Oh.
- They gave me a packet of, uh,

plant food for it,
but I left it in the car.

So if they die,
I guess, just...

throw them away.
But, anyway...

here.

- Cool.

- You guys have been through
a lot in the last two days.

Your manager getting fired.
Everybody walking out.

- Not everybody walked out.
I didn't.

She did, he did,
those three.

I've got a PDF file.
- Great. Good.

Thank you, as always, Dina.
- Welcome.

- But the point is, um,

that I don't want to just go
back to the way things were.

I wanna know what we
as a company

can do better.
- Really?

Great.
Well, uh...

I think we should start
with maternity leave.

- Listen up,
ladies and jerks,

because I am so not
in the mood.

- What is happening?
- No idea.

- Okay, I know corporate suits
probably think

I'm a big, ole softy,
but as everyone here knows

I'm a hard-ass boss.

And I act like this every day,
not just today.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- What we were talking about
when you came in was I wanna--

- Everybody here
better do their job

or you're all going down.

- Ju--
- Oh!

[clattering]

- Just step out.
- Just lift your leg up.

- I can't find--
- You got it.

- Just hold 'em up.
- Get it off me.

- Okay.
- Yeah, all right.

- Get it off me.
- All right, here.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Just--

- We'll just--
yeah, this is easier.

- Oh, boy.

[upbeat music]

*

- It's just so nice to hear

that you actually
wanna listen to our concerns.

- Yeah, one big thing
we've been talking about

is the store limiting our hours
to avoid--

- Sorry, here's what I'd like
to do.

I'd just like to
take a walk around.

Observe how things work.
We'll meet later

and discuss ways
that we can all improve.

- Oh, sorry,
did you just say,

"we can all improve"?

'Cause none of this
happened because

we weren't
doing our jobs well.

- Sure, but...
everything is a two-way street.

- Yeah, but...

some things are just...
one-way streets.

- You need both, you know?

One-way streets are useful
in terms of traffic flow

whereas I lost track of
the point I was trying to make.

- Yeah, so here's what
I'd like to do.

I'd like to observe
how things work

when you guys are not
in the parking lot

screaming like lunatics
and then we can go from there.

Think we can handle that?

- I guess we'll see.
- All right.

- I'm sorry, we're the ones
who need to change?

How about they stop
limiting our hours

or docking our pay
for bathroom breaks?

We are not the ones
who need to improve here.

[clattering]

- Yeah, we're pretty perfect.
- [sighs]

- But, look, he wants
to hear our complaints.

- Yeah, and then
not do anything about them.

No matter what we say,
he's just gonna be like,

[high-pitched voice] "Well,
it's a two-way street, so..."

- Wow, that was spot on.

- It was like
Amy just disappeared.

- Look, guys,
we just need to be on top

of our game today,
you know?

Remember that day six months ago
where nothing went wrong?

Let's do that today.

- March 14th
cannot be manufactured.

That's what makes
March 14th beautiful.

- Okay, well,
let's just be on our game, okay?

- Okay, you got it.

- Attention Cloud 9 shoppers,

beef products from Cloud 9 Ranch
are now 80% off,

but maybe ask yourself
why we would do that.

You mean like that?

- I'm the kind of hard-ass boss
that corporate loves.

- Uh-huh.
- I-I don't allow any

jiggerypokery
or argle-bargle.

- Mm-hmm.
- Glenn...

can I go to the doctor?
I've had a sharp pain

in my lower right
for days.

- There you go.
Typical argle-bargle.

Denied.
- Actually...

that sounds like
appendicitis.

I think you should
go to the hospital.

- Thank you.

- I want to see that appendix
on my desk tomorrow, young lady!

- * Hot child in the city

*

* Hot child in the city

*

* Runnin' wild
and lookin' pretty *

*

[suspicious music]

*

- Hey, can you tell me
where the bathroom is?

It's kind of an emergency.
- I exceeded your expectations?

[chuckles]
Thank you.

Have a heavenly day.

Hi!

That guy just said
I exceeded his expectations.

Don't know if you heard.
- Nice work.

I'm Jeff, by the way.
- No, I know.

Mateo.
We met yesterday?

I was the "loyal,
hard-working employee

with great skin"?
[chuckles]

Uh, so now that
everything's back to normal,

I would love to talk to you
about my career here at Cloud 9.

- Yes, I'm so sorry
to do this to you.

I just have a bunch
to cover today,

but nice to meet you,
Ma-tato.

- Ma-tato?

- Laney,
make sure Tate's not trying

to sell our customers
time shares.

Todd, keep Sal at least
100 feet away from women's wear.

And women in general,
if possible.

Why is nobody working the deli?

- Oh, right,
Dom told me that he just

really didn't feel like
coming in today

and that I should cover for him
by telling you

that--
wait, go back.

Let me take that again.

Dom told me to tell you
that his pug, Elmo,

fell into a sinkhole
in the park.

- Just follow me.

Okay, we need to
keep the line moving.

We have a lot of hungry,
angry people out there.

- Uh, you can just say
"hangry" now.

It's a new word.
My friend's cousin made it up.

- I'll take rolls,
veggies, and condiments.

You start slicing the meat.
- Slicing the meat.

Oh, sweet, always wanted
to work this bad boy.

Not totally sure how it works--

- Just, um, load the meat
and then slice the meat.

- Definitely.
I'm a quick study, so--

Oh! I cut myself.
- Already?

Well, maybe I should do--
- [quietly groans]

- Marcus,
that looks really bad.

- Just a nick.
It looks worse than it is.

Kinda stings a little.

- [gasps loudly]

Marcus,
is that your thumb?

- Uh... I don't know.

- You don't know?

Why don't you check?

- I don't wanna.
- Marcus, check!

- I don't want to.
- To see if your thumb

is on your hand.
- [whining]

[Pat Benatar's
"We Belong" playing]

- * We belong

- [groans]
- Ah.

I need this thumb

for work and driving.
Door knobs!

- We just need to put it
in a cold, air-tight container,

we'll get it to the hospital,
they're reattach it.

It's easy.
- Promise?

- Mm-hmm.

Here.
This should do it.

- Oh, come on, not the guac.
It's all slimy.

- You're not gonna feel it.

- "Yeah, I've got
a whole PDF."

[laughter]
- Hey!

Let's break up this loser squad
and get back to work.

- You guys don't
hear anything, do you?

- Nope,
I can't hear traitors.

- Oh, is that so, Peter?
Because I was just

coming to tell you that your
wife has died.

I just got the call.
- I don't have a wife.

Everyone knows
I'm gay.

- Ha!
I knew you could hear me.

In your gay face!
- Come on, guys.

- [clears throat]
Hey.

I've, uh...

I've been there.

Junior year of high school
I lost all the proofs

for lit mag and we had to
stay up all night

relaying it out.
Everybody hated me.

Especially Becca Fish--
such a Goody Two-shoes,

but I killed them with
a little thing called kindness,

and guess who became
the next editor-in-chief.

Well, co-editor.

- Worst story I've ever heard.

- Look, all I'm saying is
with a little effort

it's not that hard
to get people to like you.

- [whispers] I really don't care
if people like me.

- Okay, but--

don't you find it hard
being a boss to people...

[whispers]
That resent you?

- Who's the one wearing
the blue polo now?

[laughter]

- You do raise a good point.
- Yeah.

- I watch a lot of
"Dog Whisperer" DVDs

and it's always easier
to train a bitch

who enjoys your scent.
- That's exactly what I meant.

Um... look, if you need
any help--

- Pass. I can make people
like me on my own just fine.

Oh, hey...
- Yeah?

- I just wanted to say...
- Mm-hmm.

- That story
really is awful.

I'd tighten it up.
Add a couple jokes.

- Thank you for the feedback.

- This website says
we have an hour

to get you and the thumb
to the hospital.

- What happens
after an hour?

- Um... nothing, it's just
a good number to shoot for.

Why are you limping?
- I stubbed my toe

picking up the thumb.
It really stings.

- Oh, damn it!
Okay, act natural.

- Hey, there.
Everything okay with you guys?

- Yeah.
Yeah.

We were just organizing
these batteries.

- I just have a couple questions
about shift assignments.

- Oh, uh, Glenn,
I forgot to mention

those skateboarders
are back.

- Oh, Jeff, come with me.

Now--now, those girls are big
for 12, but there's two of us,

so it'll be a fair fight
this time.

- Oh...

- Okay.

- Who broke into my locker?

What is happening
to this country?

- Mine looks burnt off.
It wasn't even locked.

- Everybody shut up.
I got you all presents.

- Oh, okay, guys,
how nice of Dina to...

break into our lockers
and give us presents.

- Yeah, prescription
strength deodorant.

"Stop stink in its tracks."
- Now that's a gift

for all of us, my friend.
- Thoughtful.

In its own way.

- Men's razors?
- For your mustache.

You're welcome.
- "Gay Guy."

- Now, I had to order
30 of those,

so if you have any gay guy
friends, just say the word.

Um...
okay, no big deal,

but usually people say
"Thank you"

when they get presents.
Come on.

- "It's Not All Interesting:
How to Tell a Better Story"?

- Now, I don't know if you
already have this.

I'm assuming you don't.

- I'll be home in five,
ten minutes max.

Everyone's gonna wanna see
photos of the baby, so...

oh, Amy--
- Hi, not now.

Okay, quick drive
to the hospital.

They'll reattach the--
where's the thumb?

- My thumb?
- Yes, Marcus, your thumb!

There is no other thumb!
[groans]

- Okay, listen closely.
When Jeff comes over,

I'm gonna pretend
to be mean to you,

but it's all an act,
okay?

- You're going too fast.
I can't follow.

- It's simple.
I'm gonna say mean things

to you, but I don't mean
the things I say.

So even though
I really like you,

I might say,
"I hate you."

- Hold up. You hate me?
- No, I love you.

I--why is this so complicated?

- Hey.
- Oh, ah, hey, Jeff.

I was just telling this employee
how lazy I think he is.

- You think I'm lazy?
- Yes...

- I'm sorry. I mean,
I-I try really, really hard.

I always thought
you liked me.

- I don't.
[stifled whimpers]

- He right.
Actually, I am kinda lazy.

- Detergents.
Pod, liquid, powder.

Uh, high-efficiency,
et cetera, et cetera.

Whatever.
- Wow, thank you so much.

You're a lifesaver.

- Oh, could you just
repeat that over here?

- Actually,
I'm kinda in a hurry.

So I--
- It'll only take a sec.

- This is my son.
You're hurting my arm!

- I showed you
where the detergent was!

[clears throat]

Now tell him
what you just said to me.

- You're hurting my arm.

- I mean before that.
About being a lifesaver.

- It's okay, Owen.
Mama's here.

The bad man didn't get me.

- In the future,
I'd love you to not

grab our customers.
Okay, Ma-tah-to?

- It's Ma-tato.

I mean...
Mateo.

- [clears throat]

"Dear everyone,

"from the bottom of my heart
I'm sorry

"that you are mad at me.

"I only acted
the way the way I did

"because I'm a very loyal person
and I can't empathize

"with people who are
self-centered traitors.

"If I could go back in time
I would do the exact same thing.

I consider this matter
closed now."

Huh?
- Great.

Great, uh...
lotta great stuff in there.

I just have a few notes.
Tiny stuff.

Maybe it could be
a little more personal.

- Sounds great.
Write it up.

- There's just nothing
like looking

into your baby's eyes.

Amy, wanna see my baby?

- Not now.
I need everybody's help.

Follow me, please.

The last time we saw the thumb
it was in a tub of guacamole,

but then we found this open tub
of guacamole on the floor,

so it could be a different
guacamole,

or else it could be
the same guacamole,

but the thumb fell out.

So the thumb could either
be in a guacamole

or it could be anywhere.
Any questions?

- Yeah, uh, is it just
regular guacamole?

- No, it's, uh...
grapefruit, ginger, and lime.

all: Oh.
- Where's Marcus?

- Marcus is at the hospital.
Elias took him.

We have 45 minutes
to get him his thumb.

- Does the guacamole
have nuts in it?

- What?
Why does this matter?

- Well, I'm allergic.

- In the event of a tornado

you wanna go
straight for the eye of it.

That is where it is safest.

Oh, hi.
We are just conducting

a--a--an impromptu
safety meeting.

- Well, I don't want
to interrupt.

I'm gonna need to see
all non-essential employees

in the break room.
- Right now?

- The man said now,
so that means now!

[cheery music]

- Everything around here
looks great.

I mean, were there a few
expired shampoo bottles

left on the shelf?
Yes--six actually,

but mostly good jobs.

So now I would like you guys
to tell me

what we at corporate
can be doing better for you.

- You know, Jeff,
it feels weird

talking about this
on company time.

- Oh, that's okay,
it's an unpaid break.

- Yeah, of course it is.

- So maybe we'll just start
with the beginning of the day.

Um, when we all
clock in--

- You know what?
This sounds like it's gonna be

a long Jonah story.
How about we put a pin in it

and we get back out there
and we serve our customers.

- Really? I mean,
now's your chance to say

anything you want to say to me.
- That's right, Jeff.

Now is our chance,
and we actually have

a list of things
that we think

the company
could do better.

- It's just I don't like
complaining

while we still have
that outstanding

shampoo problem to fix.

You know, there are things
that we could

all do to improve.

It's a... two-way street.

- Okay. If that's how you feel.
- Uh-huh.

- Everybody, grab a cupcake!

- Oh!
Nope, I hate cupcakes

'cause I'm a meanie.

- Nobody move.

I have something to say.
- Ooh, I wanna hear this.

- What?
- This is a letter

to my subordinates
that I wrote by myself.

Mahatma Gandhi once said,
"Forgiveness is an attribute

of the strong"?
Ugh, starting with a quote.

It's like a middle-school
book report.

[scanner beeping]

- Oh, uh, excuse me.

Oh, I'm actually not--
- Thank you so much.

I'm in a rush.
I gotta get home to my kid.

- Sure.

Oh.

- "So as I seek atonement
for my foibles--"

that's a little bit much.

Um, blah, blah,
"The movie 'Magnolia'"?

I'm gonna skip that.
- No, no, that's the best part!

I would imagine.
It's--it's an excellent film.

- Okay, Dina, we get it.

You messed up, you're sorry,
you'll never do it again.

- Actually, no.
I'm not sorry.

And this isn't even like
a "sorry, not sorry" situation.

This is "not sorry, not sorry."

You're all garbage,
so grab a cupcake,

and continue your
slow march to death.

"Foibles."
- Great.

- That was brave, huh, guys?

- [huffing]

- Hey, so I'm not sure
calling people "garbage"

reads as an apology.

- Great leaders don't
care about being liked.

Do you think dogs like
Cesar Millan?

Heck no, they just want him
to stop going,

"Chh! Chh! Chh!"

- Why don't you care
if people like you?

- Why do you care
if people like you?

- Because it's important.
- To you.

- Don't try to flip this,
okay?

It's a basic human need.
- Of yours.

- You know what?
I don't care how you feel

about my need to be liked,
and I realize

that's kind of a contradiction,

but one day--
- Chh! Calm down!

Chh! Chh!
- Stop doing that.

- Chh!
There it is.

- * I have to give

* Without you I don't
think I can live *

- Whoever finds the thumb,
pick up the intercom

and say--
I don't know, "strawberry jam."

- Ooh, but what if something
actually happens

with strawberry jam?

- I am willing
to take that chance.

- Do you think
I'm a memorable person?

- Can you please
stop asking questions

and just go find the thumb?

Please?
Go.

[upbeat music]

*

- Ohh, beige.

That's a crazy color
for a towel.

Nice.

And you got one of this.

Hmm.
Oh, lady, hey!

Let me dig in your basket.

*

- You guys,
we are so out of time.

- Hey, guys,
what's going on over here?

Looks intense.

- Answer him!

- We were just
talking about sales.

- Yeah, sales orders
and utility patents

and other words
from "Shark Tank."

- Okay.
- Good.

- Excuse me,
are you the store manager?

- Heck yeah, I am, guy.

- I found a thumb
in my guacamole.

[all exclaiming]

- * The horn on the bus
goes beep, beep, beep *

* Beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep *

- Get off the phone!
You're at work!

- I'm sorry.

Thank you for shopping
at Cloud 9--

Oh, I put my phone
in his bag.

- I'm weird for
wanting to be liked.

I mean, this isn't even
about my ego.

People getting along
is the bedrock

of a functioning society.
Am I right?

[indistinct chatter on TV]

I've seen this one.

They get in a big fight
over a sofa,

but it's not really
about the sofa.

- I wanna keep it.

[can tapping]

- Marcus got his thumb back,
so, you know, no harm no foul.

- I just really thought
that we could have a day

where nothing went wrong.

- You mean like March 14th?

We're never gonna have
another March 14th.

Just be grateful
you were alive to see one.

- Do you think
they're gonna fire me?

I mean, I am the idiot who put
Marcus on the meat slicer.

- If they do, this whole store
will walk out in support of you.

- Thanks, Glenn,
but I don't think

we can pull that move
twice in 48 hours.

- Hey, Jeff, have you told
corporate about the thumb yet?

- I'm just about to submit
an incident report now.

Don't worry about it, I know
you had nothing to do with it.

- Cool. Cool.
Yeah, I was just making sure.

But out of curiosity,
what's gonna happen to Amy?

- Suspension, termination.
We'll have to see.

- Well, I'll walk with you
to the office.

I actually have something
I'd like to submit as well.

I mean, obviously
corporate needs to know

that a district manager
was on site

when an untrained employee
maimed himself.

- Uh, I'm sorry?

- God, I really hope
this doesn't hurt

your shot at that
senior VP slot

when Todd Spurman
retires in June.

- And if I didn't
turn the report in?

- Well, if you didn't
turn the report in,

then officially
nothing happened,

so I guess that means
I would have nothing to report.

- Fine.

I really don't like you.
- I really don't care.

[Berlin's "The Metro" playing]

*

- Oh, hey.
Hey.

- What?
What can I do for you...

um...
- Mateo?

My name's Mateo.

You know, I've been busting
my butt trying to show you

I'm a good worker,
but you have your head

so far up your own butt
you haven't noticed.

I am so sorry.

I have no idea
what came over me.

- It's okay.
- I shouldn't be talking to you.

- Stop, stop, stop.
Mateo, it's okay.

I'm sorry.
It's been a long week.

I've noticed you.
- [sighs] Okay.

Thank you.
That's all I was asking.

- I've definitely noticed you.

- Holy [bleep].