All language subtitles for Superstore s04e09_Eng

[knock on door]

- Hey, hope I'm not
interrupting.

- No, come on in.
I'm just researching

Lutheran Kindergarten options
options for the baby.

- Wow, already?
- Yeah, they fill up fast,

especially
the accredited ones.

- So, I've been doing a little
future planning myself.

And I was thinking that maybe

I might wanna, um,
become a manager like you.

- [gasps]

Like me?

- Yeah.

- Well...[voice unsteady]
that is some interesting news.

- And I was wondering if maybe
you'd be willing to write

a letter of recommendation

for the management
training program.

I'm sorry, are you okay?

- [emotionally]
Yeah, I'm sorry.

This is just like
the happiest day of my life.

I am gonna teach you
everything that I know.

You are gonna be
the best manager--sorry--

manage-ess that they have
ever seen.

- I'm pretty sure
that the training program

will cover most of
what I need--

- Oh, there is no way that
I am sending you

into that lion's dean unarmed.

I gotta start building
your curriculum.

- Oh, um, that sounds like
a lot work,

and I know how valuable
your time is.

- No, do not even think about
paying me for this.

Lesson one:

Typing using
the "home row" method.

[upbeat music]

♪

So, you wanna be a manager.

You've worked
your little tush off.

You're on the fast track.

But sloooow down.

You still got a lot to learn.

Welcome to tape four
of "Management Overview."

- When did he make this?
- Last night.

He stayed up till 11:30.

He actually fell asleep
through most of part one,

but then he farted himself
awake.

- This is what you get
for wanting to be a manager.

Just a sweaty idiot snoring

and farting through
his basement.

- You don't wanna be a manager?

- God, no.
Why would I?

- I just figured since
you're an assistant manager,

the next logical step
would be--

- What's wrong with being
an assistant manager?

- Nothing, nothing.

If you're happy,
I'm not judging you.

- It sounds like
you're judging her.

- Guys, this really doesn't
have to be a group thing.

- I wanna start my own
business someday.

- Oh, my God, so do I.

- Wait, is this
really happening?

Are we really starting
a business together?

- You know what?

I hate you for saying it first,
but yes.

- Guys, remember this moment--
we just witnessed history.

- Sometimes, as a manager,

you've gotta be a shark.

- I think he missed
the pause button.

- I got tricked into starring
in a video once.

It was hilarious.

[Iggy Pop's "Real Wild Child"]

- ♪ That I got to be
the wild one ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah,
I'm a wild one ♪

♪

- Is everything okay?

- Oh, yeah.

I mean, come on,
who'd have thunk it?

Yesterday you were just
some nobody floor manager,

and now here you are ordering
ice pops all by yourself.

- It's been a whirlwind.
- Yeah.

- Okay, so, now I hit submit?

- Uh-buh-buh-buh!
Euuuhh!

A-C-E-S-T: "Always Check
Everything Seven Times."

- Really, seven times?

Isn't that five or six times
too many?

- You would be surprised
how many mistakes

I pick up on the seventh
check.

- Seven times, got it.

Okay, and then I hit submit.

- Ah--yes, but if you ever
forget where you are,

here's a little
mnemonic device,

you know,
to help you remember.

First ♪ Mark the unit's
inventory price ♪

♪ And unit quantity

♪ Then triple check
the product name ♪

♪ 'Cause thorough's what
you want be ♪

- Glenn, really, I--
- ♪ Then look it over

♪ One more time in case
there's a mistake ♪

♪ Then sign it, date it,
click submit ♪

♪ And throw it in the lake

But don't do that last part,
'cause it's just for the rhyme.

- Hey, I've been thinking about
what you said,

about how I should be ashamed
of my job.

- Oh, I didn't actually mean
you should be ashamed--

- No, no, no.
You were right to ridicule me

in front of everyone.

It was harsh
but a real wake-up call.

- Okay, again, I wasn't trying
to ridicule you. I--

- Truth is, I don't wanna do
this for the rest of my life.

But I don't wanna be a manager
either, so...what do I do?

- I mean, you could do
whatever you want.

- Oh, really?
Could I be a giraffe?

- Well, within reality.
- Yeah, exactly.

How quickly we go from "you can
be whatever you wanna be"

to "within reality."
Okay, drop what you're doing.

We have to figure this out.

- We?
- It is the least you can do

after the way you
humiliated me.

You can't just shiv someone
and then walk away.

You need to help mop up
the blood.

Mop up my blood, Jonah.

- What if we call our business
"Divinity"?

But the word Divinity
is written upside down.

- Mmm-hmm, love it, but also
kind of hate it.

What about "Just Us"?

- "Just Us" or just "Us"?

- Just "Just Us."

- "Just Just Us"
or just..."Just Us"?

- Hey, any chance you guys
could go talk

over somebody else's head?
- Shh.

We are trying to create
a lifestyle brand

slash multimedia platform.

- Yeah, you obviously
don't get Chateo.

- Chateo!

[laughs/exclaims] I love it!
- I actually thought of it

a while ago, but I was sitting
on it, 'cause I just wanted it

to, like, slip out
and sound super casual.

- [laughs] Oh, my God!

- Okay, so the guy that
we're going to talk to

at the distribution center
is named Ronald Stimple.

And here's a few tidbits
I collected

to help us out
during the call.

- We need to know that he wears
a mouth guard at night

to order paper towels?
- Okay, Amy,

managing a store
is about relationships.

Business is personal.

That's why when you ask
a question that's too personal,

they say "it's none of your..."

- "Business."
- Exactly.

God, you're a fast learner.

- Would you mind
actually putting that

in the recommendation letter?

Which, by the way, they said
"the sooner the better,"

but no pressure.

- Yeah, I'm not feeling any.

Okay, so, Ronald
is 47 years old,

he's in a handball league,
he had a deaf girlfriend

when he was 16, and he's
thinking about a vasectomy,

but I think he's showing off.

- Shipping.

- Hey, Ronald, Glenn Sturgis
here.

Time to order some more
paper towels.

- Okay, no problem.

- Okay, anyway,
how's it going with--

[dial tone]

And that is how that is done.

- So interesting...
- Yeah.

- To see behind the curtains.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.

All right, next up
is Fern Rosato.

Now,
she's married to a woman,

so watch how casually
I bring up

"Xena: Warrior Princess."

.

- How's training?
- Ah!

[sighs]

I'm supposed to be tuning into
the rhythms of the store.

Or trusting my inner manager.
I'm not sure.

Glenn was playing
"Chariots of Fire"

really loudly at the time.

- Sounds like
you're learning a lot.

- Oh, yeah.
Earlier today,

I got to order
ice pops all by myself.

- Nice! Sounds like
it's totally worth it.

- Well, I think in the end
it will be.

I'm just glad to finally be

taking control of my life
again, you know?

No more crying over
stupid mistakes I made

as a high school student.

If I'm unhappy with my life,
then you know,

it's up to me to change that.

- For me, I think it started
with my parents.

They didn't love each other
enough to love their kids.

- Oh, um, I...

Oh.

[clattering]

- Okay, next question.

"In your career,
would you rather work

with your hands
or at a desk?"

- Well, if I choose the desk,

am I not allowed to use
my hands?

I mean, am I typing
with my face?

- I think you're getting
bogged down with the details.

Just answer off the top
of your head.

- Pfff. I mean, I don't--
I don't know, it depends.

I mean, "work with your hands"
could be code for "massage,"

which could be code
for "prostitution."

I mean, do I wanna be
a prostitute?

Again, depends.
Who are my clients?

- Let's try a different
section.

Um, okay.

"Rank the following
four qualities

"from most to least important:
flexible hours,

coworker relationships,
social impact, salary."

- Four-way tie.

- That's...okay.

- Yeah.
- I'll just--all right.

- Okay, uh, what about
this one?

How does it make you feel?

- Scared.

- Interesting.
You said the last one

also made you feel scared.

- Yeah.

- Okay.
- And what about this one?

- Hey, is that
the Pizza Hut font?

- Yes. Just how does it
make you feel?

- Like, um...hungry.

- No. We want sophisticated,
bold,

offensive, inclusive.

- Wait. Okay--[ahem].
I'm sorry,

I thought that we weren't
doing "bold."

- I thought we were
doing "bold."

Okay, maybe we should just
forget the whole thing.

Okay, I'm out.
- What?

What if instead of "bold"
we did "extreme"?

- Okay, okay, back in.

I love "extreme."

We just solved our first
business crisis.

- I love making business
decisions.

- Okay, I have hidden
several rule violations

somewhere in this section.

And, go.

- That trash can
is overflowing.

That fluorescent light bulb
is out.

That mannequin's
missing an arm.

There is a bottle
of grape soda

that doesn't belong in
women's wear and it's leaking.

These sweaters
aren't really folded.

They're just sort of wadded up
into balls.

And Brett should be wearing
a shirt.

- That was really good.

You even found some
I didn't notice.

Okay, so, this next part
is called:

"Backwards
and on Roller-Skates."

'Cause a great manager
should be able to do this job

backwards and on roller-skates.

- Glenn, this really isn't
necessary.

I mean, I know
all of this stuff,

and what I don't know,
I'm sure I'll learn

in actual management
training.

- So, you don't want my fake
management training,

is what you're saying.

- I mean, I wanna say
exactly,

but I'm trying not to hurt
your feelings.

- Sorry I wasted your time.

- Brett, for future reference,
if a manager asks you

to take off your clothes,
you can say no.

- Okay, what about
Professional flavor tester?

- Pass. I don't want
my sister's job.

- Maritime law?

- Legislative or enforcement?

- Enforcement.
- Pass.

- Legislative?
- Also, pass.

- Why didn't you just say that
to being with?

- I'm trying to be open.

- Maybe you could be
a bike messenger.

- Uh, like Joseph Gordon-Levitt
in "Premium Rush"?

I think I'll pass on being
chased around by a corrupt cop

because I'm unknowingly
delivering $50,000

to a Chinese human trafficker,
thanks.

- What are you trying to do,
get her killed?

- What about scuba cop?
Is that a job?

- I don't think
I see that listed here.

- It's a pass anyway.
- Ah.

- Too worried about the bends.

- Amy, hey.

Are you the one
who keeps putting

pictures of naked horses
in my locker?

- Aren't all horses naked?

- Not this naked.

They're just...putting it all
out there.

- No, Marcus, no.

I am not the one putting
naked horses in your locker.

- Okay.

Also, did you septuple-check
this purchase order?

It just showed up.

- No, because you don't need to
check something seven times.

That is not right.

Obviously, it was a typo.
I meant to write 120.

Who would need 12,000 boxes
of ice pops?

We don't have room for that.

No, sorry, sir.
Can you not bring this in?

- Sorry, lady, not my problem.

- You cannot hold us
to this deal.

No, okay, sir, you may not
bring this in here.

Absolutely not.
All right, fine.

[with effort]
You are not going anywhere.

Oh, God.

Okay, these shoes
have no traction.

.

- This is way too many
ice pops.

- It's fine.
It's fine.

We just have to sell them
as quickly as possible.

Now, in the middle of winter.

- Yeah, it's like when you were
playing in the snow as a kid,

and your mom would come out
with a delicious tray

of ice-cold milkshakes.

- Um, does Glenn know
about this?

- No, and he doesn't need to,
so let's get all these

into the freezer
before he sees them.

- The freezer's full.

And based on my experience
with ice,

these things are gonna melt.

- Well, it's January, Marcus.

Outside is a freezer, so just
hide them somewhere outside.

- You want me to just hide

all of these boxes
somewhere outside?

- Can you?
- Absolutely.

I'm pretty good
at hiding things.

My girlfriend lived with me
for an entire year

during high school.
My mom had no idea.

I hid her in my stuffed animals
like E.T..

- Why did you have so many
stuffed animals in high school?

- Do we need someone
to distract Glenn

while we try to sell them?

I can make myself
cry on command. Watch.

Ooh, it's not happening.

Oh wait, here it comes.

Okay, everyone look away.
I'm gonna pull out a nose hair.

- Ugh!
- You know what?

Cheyenne and I will
distract him.

- Okay, yeah, great.

That's a plan.
We have a plan.

- Yeah, Marcus is just gonna
hide these boxes somewhere.

Mateo and Cheyenne are gonna
distract Glenn with something.

And Justine's gonna cry.

This is some "Tinker Tailor
Soldier Spy" level [bleep].

- Yeah.

- It's pretty good.

[pop music playing]

♪

- Hey, Glenn.

I don't know if you heard,

but Mateo and I are starting
a business.

- "Chateo."

- Oh, that's really great.

- Well, and since
you're a businessman,

we were wondering if we could
sit here with you

for the next...couple of hours,

and just really learn from you.

- Really,
you want my help?

- Oh, yes.
- Uh, yes.

- Please.
- Absolutely.

- Okay, have a seat.

- Ugh, I thought I was starting
to find Coat Guard interesting,

but I think I'm just enjoying
this octopus in a sailor hat.

- Well, I think we've been
through every job,

and there's nothing left.

- There's gotta be something.

Do you think space mailman
will ever be a thing?

- Look, you can't expect
to figure out

your entire future in a day.

I spent 200 grand
on higher education,

and I still haven't
figured it out.

- 200 grand?
Your parents must be pissed.

- Nope. All student loans.

- You have $200,000
in student loan debt?

Ha! I mean, the interest
on that alone

must be more than
you make here.

- Well, yeah.
I mean, sure...

- That means every single day,

even after you've worked
a full day,

you are more in debt than
you were the day before.

[laughs]
- Uh-huh.

- Wow, I thought I was
in trouble,

but...ha! I mean,
you're just as lost as I am,

andyou're 2 hundy
in the hole.

That's pretty weird
to think about, huh?

[laughs]

- That is weird.

- Attention shoppers:

it's 10 degrees Fahrenheit
outside,

so why not take home
a frosty case of ice pops?

It makes about as much sense

as most of the stuff
you buy here.

I'm looking at you,
Spoon Painting Guy.

- Sir, would you like to try
a tasty ice pop?

Ma'am, you look like
you could use

a refreshing pick-me-up.

Celebrate winter with yummy,
ice-cold ice pops.

- Are these okay
for a diabetic?

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.

Thanks.

- And just like that,

you have a mug of steaming hot
purple cider.

Get your ice pops,
ice pops, ice pops.

Hey, oh.

Look alive, look alive.

Half a cup of milk,
a handful of kale,

a scoop of protein powder,
add three ice pops,

[buzzing]

That's what fiber sounds like.

Have a heavenly day.
Have a heavenly day.

And then...voila.

Mmm.

If your daddy says
you can't have them,

then you scream and scream
and scream your head off

until he says yes.

Just a little like--
it's like popcorn.

- They said it couldn't be
done, but just like that,

12,000 ice pops disappeared.

[chuckling]

Mindfreak, right?

- I think this is one
of those situations where

the job you did
is so incredibly bad

and such a massive
waste of time

that it circled around
to genius.

- So, it's not good?

- It's not good.

- ♪ On the ninth day
of business ♪

♪ My employees said--
[knock on door]

- Glenn, oh--uh...sorry,
I can come back.

- No, no, what is it?

- I just wanted to come see
if I could take you to lunch

to discuss, um, my--my salary.

- That sounds great.
We'll all go.

- All of us?

- But--what about
the learning?

- This will be
a teachable moment.

The best negotiations
always happen over a meal.

Write that down.
Come on!

- But we wanna learn about
your filing system.

Glenn?
- Um...

- Glenn.
- Yeah, Glenn,

let's stay in the office.

- I love ice pops.
[moans suggestively]

- Justine,
what are you doing?

- Sex sells, Amy.

Mmm, I can't wait to put this
in my mouth.

[moaning]
- [quietly] Okay, stop!

Oh, sensitive teeth.

- Oh, Glenn, where--
where are you going?

- Just out for a business lunch
with my protégés.

- We're gonna talk about
a raise

over a nacho tower
at Red Robin

with a bunch of my coworkers.

- Yeah, let's go.

[scoffs]
- Give yourself that look.

- Um, Glenn.
Glenn...

Um, Glenn.
- Yeah?

- Glenn.

Whoa!

- Okay.

- What?

- Uh, I am just, uh, stunned

by how nice our parking lot is.

Well done.
Very well done.

- It is.
It is a nice parking lot.

all: Oh!

- Oh...oh...

oh...oh!

- You're not supposed to cut
through like that.

[sighs]

.

- Do you think Glenn
was really mad?

I mean, it's hard to tell
with him.

He turns purple
for so many reasons.

- Mm-hmm.

Hey, this might not be
the best time,

but I need to get reimbursed

for the giant photo
of the parking lot.

Kinda maxed out
my mom's credit card.

- Uh...no.

- But you said
"hide the ice pops."

I did exactly what you said.

- So let me know if any
of these feel right to you.

First up, me as a chef.

- Yummers.

- Firefighter.

- Whoa, somebody call 9/11!

- You mean 9-1-1?
- I did.

- You have to say "9-1-1."
- Okay.

- Okay. Astronaut.

- Come on, she obviously
just made a mistake.

- We don't take returns.
You know that.

- Well, maybe you could
just take half of them back,

and then in future purchases--

- Amy, I got this.

Come on, Donovan, like,
we--we know each other.

We've worked together
for years.

- [sighs]

- Like, I know that you
tore your meniscus

playing handball, remember?

And you've got a bulldog
named Velvet.

- There's nothing I can do.

- I also know about
the waitress.

- The waitress?
- Yeah.

On April 7th,
you told me that your wife

was going out of town
for a month.

But then on April 21st,
you told me

that you'd "pounded a waitress

until her eyes
rolled back in her head."

I didn't wanna hear about it
at the time,

but now I'm glad I did.

- [exhales]

I'll take them back.

- That is wonderful!

See, I knew we could come
to an understanding, Donovan.

Thanks for stopping by.

- Go [bleep] yourself,
Glenn.

- Again, I'm sorry about
the typo.

I didn't know
it would get so dark.

- I feel like everyone
works Monday to Friday,

so we should do Tuesday,
Thursday, Sunday

from 10:00 pm to 2:00 am.

- Smart.

Then we could do lots
of business with Tokyo.

- Yes.

- Hey,
if you guys are serious

about starting a business,
would it be crazy

if we teamed up?

- Teamed up?
- Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I went to
business school.

It was only a year,
but you know, it's something.

And I have a lot
of great ideas.

Hey, you know what?
How 'bout this?

The next day
that we all have off,

let's get together and just
brainstorm some business ideas.

Maybe we could do
some research--

- I'm gonna cut you off
right there.

You know we're not actually
gonna start a business, right?

- You're not?

- No, I mean, we always
tell ourselves

that we're gonna do
something,

but I think in the back
of our heads,

we both know we're never
actually gonna do it.

Right?
- God, no.

- Ah--oh, okay.

- It's like when people
talk about starting a band.

- Oh, my God, we should
start a band.

- Yes!
- You in?

- I don't play
any instruments.

- Again, we're not actually
gonna do this.

- Oh, right--yes.
So then, yeah, sure.

- What should our name be?

- You know, I always thought
a good name for a band

would be the Hardtime Ramblers.

- All in favor...
- Ugh!

- Of voting Jonah
out of the band?

- Glenn, I'm really sorry
I messed up the order.

What is this?

- My recommendation
for the program.

- What?
- Mm-hmm.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- Glenn, thank you.

- You know, I made a mistake
or two coming up.

- What?
- Mm-hmm.

- You?
- Oh, yeah.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Oh.

- On time, I gave $100
in change

when it was only
supposed to be 35 cents.

- Oh.

- And then another time,

I forgot to put anybody
on the schedule,

and I had to work the whole day
alone in the store.

- Hmm.

- And then, uh,
and then one time

I ate everybody's lunch
by accident.

And, um--oh, I accidentally
ordered some adult toys

'cause I thought
they were puzzles.