All language subtitles for Superstore s04e02_Eng

- Okay, everyone,
let's try some big smiles

on this one, all right?

Big smiles, everyone.
[camera shutter clicks]

Dina, would you like
to smile for this one?

- No.

- Dina, please.

- Smiling would insinuate
that I support

what's happening right now,
which I truly do not.

- Oh, so documenting
the way our child

is coming into
this world is wrong?

- We have to document it

by dressing up
as Alvin and the Chipmunks?

- It's my favorite show,
and Glenn is such a Theodore.

- Yeah, I'm not a star.

I'm more supportive,
and, of course,

Jerusha is such a Simon.

- Well, I wear
contact lenses now.

- Hey, guys, I'm sorry.
We have 15 minutes

left in the session,
so we're gonna need to...

- Okay, sorry, Dill.

All right, look,
Dina, just smile,

and I'll give you 50 bucks.

- Fine.

But I want to be Theodore.

- Fine!
I'll be stupid Alvin...

who can't follow rules

and always gets
everyone in trouble.

- Okay.

Big smiles, everyone.

[camera beeps, shutter clicks]

Dina, you could show
less teeth.

- You get none
or all of them, Dill.

Pick a speed.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Aw, you're gonna make
a great mom.

- I'm just checking to see
if this baby stuff is safe.

- Why? Returned baby items
all get destroyed anyway.

- And it will be destroyed
in about two to three years

after my baby
is done using it.

- Ah, so you're stealing it.

- No, I'm not stealing it.

You can't steal something
that's about to be destroyed.

That's like if somebody's dying
and then you kill them.

Is that murder?

- That's exactly what that is.

- Well, baby stuff
is really expensive,

and it's not like I can reuse
anything I used with Emma.

Did you know
that car seats expire?

It's plastic and metal.

Can you hit the light, please?
- Yeah.

Oh.
both: Ew.

- Do you think that's urine
or semen?

- Which one of those
would be okay?

- I never thought of myself
as photogenic,

but Dill really knows how
to strengthen a collapsed chin.

- So, in this one,
you guys are chefs

waiting to eat the baby?

- Yeah, but it's just a goof.
We don't really want to eat it.

This one's a mystery.

Who's really the pregnant one?

- I'm sorry, hold up.
I got to go back.

Wouldn't the chefs be preparing
the food, not waiting to eat it?

- Well, there--Dina--

maybe Dina's a new chef,
and we're taste-testing

to see if we'd hire her.

- And if you don't like
the taste of the baby...

- I don't know.
We throw it away?

- What, you'd throw your
half-eaten baby in the trash?

- Okay, I don't know!
We didn't really talk about it!

- [sighs]
- [scoffs]

- Make sure to highlight
my elbows.

They're my best feature.

- Why didn't you just get
Glenn's photographer

to take your Christmas card
photo while you were there?

- He was supposed to,
but then he got a call

from his wife--
something about a house fire?

I don't know.
I wasn't paying attention.

I-I just want a card
that will blow my ugly sister

Denise's card out of the water.

- The one with
restless leg syndrome?

- That's not what
makes her ugly, Sandra.

That's what makes
her legs restless.

- So then you just decided
to go with this setup?

Hmm. Okay.

- What--what's wrong with it?
It's the tree, isn't it?

The tree sucks, right?
Sandra picked out the tree.

- It's October, so there
weren't a lot of choices.

- [chuckles mockingly]

- It's just feeling very
2003 Sears strip mall,

if that makes any sense.
- Uh, that makes perfect sense.

- I would just make it
less bad,

if that makes any sense.

- Uh-huh.
- Like, what if...

"Miracle on 34th Street"
took place

on the first day
of the L.A. riots?

- Let's find out.

[light Muzak playing
over speakers]

[keys clacking, scanner beeps]

- Oh, wow, cute car seat.

Most moms are afraid
to buy this one

because of the safety issues,
but I love it.

- What safety issues?

- Oh, you don't know?

Well, just that, like,
in an accident,

it's prone to, um,
what's the word--

crumpling?

It's kind of a mess.

They--they found babies just
littered on the pavement.

Sometimes they're just
lying there...

inside out.

- Oh, my God.
Are they dead?

- Well, they're inside out,
so I hope so.

But if that makes
you uncomfortable,

you could always return
this one for a safer car seat.

- Oh, no, it's fine.

It's just a gift
for my stupid neighbor.

- Inside-out babies?

- Yeah, that one got away
from me--it went a little dark.

- Okay, well, I have an idea.

You're probably gonna hate it.
- Love that confidence.

- I'm making you
a baby shower registry.

- Ew. God, no.
I hate baby showers.

I hate the--the stupid games
and the--the dumb decorations

and people touching
your belly, saying,

"Oh, my God. You're so big,"
as if that's a thing

you're allowed to say to people,
which it's not.

- Okay, well, I'm not saying you
actually have the baby shower,

but if you create a registry,
then tomorrow

when your "baby shower"
is over,

you can get everything
on the registry for 20% off.

- No, that's not gonna work.

Yeah, what if--hmm...

There's a small chance
this might be a good idea.

- Right? Plus, you get
the little welcome box

with the diapers
and the wipes and stuff--

all free.

- Damn it.

I really want to hate this idea,
but I'm into it.

- I know. I'm sorry.
- [sighs] So annoying.

- This doesn't
seem Christmas-y.

- So the idea there is
post-apocalyptic Christmas.

Like, what if the Grinch
had succeeded

in conquering Whoville
and Cindy Lou Who grew up,

got boobs,
and was leading a resistance?

Like, not that exactly,
but in that area.

- I don't want to be insulting,

but are we sure that idea
is not just pure gay nonsense?

- [clears throat]
Dina...

I am trying to give you
something original,

something that will make
ugly Denise

want to walk into the ocean.

Can you please just trust me?

- Honestly,
that's gonna be tough.

I've always had this weird thing
about people with glasses.

When I was younger,
a nearsighted man bit me.

You know what?
It's a long story.

I-I got hep A.
I'm okay now, but...

[sighs]

All right,
let's see what else you got.

- Okay, this next outfit
answers the question,

what if Cogsworth
from "Beauty and the Beast"...

was a hot tween?

- I haven't heard from
my parents since the volcano.

I'm starting to get
a little worried.

- You're so lucky.

Bo's mom calls, like,
all the time.

[computer beeps]

Oh, my God. What?

Amy, why didn't you tell me
you were having a baby shower?

- What? No, I'm--I'm not.

- Then why did your registry
pop up on the system?

It says your shower's today.

- Here's your
complimentary gift box.

- Hmm. It's smaller
than I thought it'd be.

- Wait,
Amy's having a baby shower?

- Mm-hmm.
- Why wasn't I invited?

- None of us were.

- Okay, look,
what happened was,

I actually had
a really smart idea--

- Okay, please,
I find that hard to believe.

- So did I.
- Sarah, Sayid...

Amy's throwing a baby shower,
and none of were invited.

- What the hell, Amy?

- Sayid, you started,
like, two days ago.

- Well, I'm having a pool party
this weekend,

and you're not invited.

Sarah, Sayid,
you coming to my pool party?

- I don't want to go.

I want to go
to Amy's baby shower.

- She doesn't want us!

.

- Why can't I just delete
the registry?

- Tap--tap the screen harder.
That'll do it.

I have another idea,

and there's a chance
you may not love it.

- Oh, I don't see how
that could possibly be true.

- What if you did have
a baby shower?

I'm not saying some big,
elaborate party, okay?

Just, like, a quick ten-minute
thing in the break room--

no games, no belly touching,
no one feels excluded,

and you get a bunch of gifts.

- Well, obviously
I like the gifts part.

The gifts part is not
the problem.

- How much is
that Pack 'n Play?

80? Eh, I guess
that's not that bad.

- [scoffs]

- Well, I mean,
at this point,

it feels like people
would be disappointed

if I didn't have the shower.

- This party-loving group?
For sure.

- And, really, who am I to take
a party away from them?

- You're a good friend.

- Yeah.

- Yes, now just reach out
and touch the polar bear, okay?

You're not afraid.

He just ate a seal
so he's not gonna eat you.

- Like...like this?

- Yes!
[camera shutter clicks]

Ah, now try smiling,
but only using

your eyes and ears.

Yes, bitch!
You are killing it. Oh!

Okay.

[sighs] What do you think?

- [laughs]
Wow.

These pictures make me jealous

of everyone I've ever
had sex with.

- Mm-hmm.
- What do you think?

Should we...
take a couple more?

I'm very comfortable
with nudity.

- It was just gonna be
a small thing with family,

so I didn't want
to tell anybody,

but then I realized

that you guys are like
my second family.

- Aw, like the one
that my dad has.

- Kind of. Yeah.

So, you know,
it's just gonna be

a real quick little thing
in the break room here--

just a fast, quick,
easy, not-long shower.

- That sounds amazing.

- What's your hand size?

- Uh, w-why?

- Well, I've been getting into
making fancy lady gloves lately.

I think I have one
I can show you.

- Oh, uh--

- For my gift, I don't think
I can fit your entire name

on a piece of rice,

but I do think I can probably
get an A on there.

- Or just give her
three pieces of rice.

- No, guys,
all of this sounds like

a lot of work
for what is, again,

a small, fast, quick,
little, not-big-deal shower.

So you guys can just grab
something off the registry,

anything--
doesn't even matter what.

It's like, I think there's
still a car seat on there.

- Here it is.

- Oh.
- Just imagine your hand in it.

- Just have it say, uh,
"congrats on the baby."

- You have five bucks?
I can do curses for you.

- I-I think just, uh,
what I said is good.

- Hey.

I heard Amy's having
a baby shower.

- Ah, well,
it's barely a shower.

It's a--it's a trickle.
It's a baby trickle.

- That sounds wonderful.

Hey, you know who likes
baby showers?

Jerusha.

- Yeah, well, you--

you guys should totally
have one, you know.

- Yeah, it's just
that we haven't

really had time
to plan anything for the baby,

'cause, you know,
I've been in the weeds

trying to set up the Nest Cam.

It keeps picking up a feed
from another baby...

or a ghost.

- W-well, if you need help
with the Nest Cam--

Yeah, it just--

God, if there was another
baby shower

that was happening already

that we could piggyback on,

that would be so...

great.

- Yeah, well...
[stuttering]

And, believe me,
I would say,

uh, you guys should join
this one, but--

- That's a great idea.
Oh, my--

Oh, my God.
Jerush'a gonna be so happy.

- Right, but it's--it's just,
like, a quick, little,

ten-minute thing
in the break room after work.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
it's a double baby shower.

The break room's not
big enough.

You're gonna need space
for the chocolate fountain

and the balloon arch
and the juice luge.

Hey, honey?
- No, that--

- Guess what.

- You're a young girl
from Nazareth.

You're pregnant with Jesus,

and you're trying to make
a go of it in a new city.

But you're lost!
- Oh.

- You're lost in New York!

Let me know
if this is too much!

- No, it's good!

I feel like I'm European!

- What?

- I'm having a really good time
with you!

- Okay.

This really has nothing to do
with Christmas,

but it's very important to me
that we do this.

[camera beeps, shutter clicks]

- Hey, what's up, Dina?

I need you
to sign this, uh...

- Sign what?
- What?

- Garrett, please.
This is a hot set!

- Oh, yeah. No, I know.
It's just--

Yeah, I'm gonna--
I'm cool.

- Garrett!
- Huh?

Oh, yeah.

No worries, I'm out of here.

Oh.
[clatter]

[chuckles] All right, well,
I'll see y'all later.

[chuckles]
Hang ten.

- Just something small, huh?
- I felt guilty.

You know I have
too much empathy.

- Jerusha's friends are
the creepiest.

Don't you remember
the shrimp boil?

There was all
that mouth kissing.

- There was.
- Yeah.

- I can't believe this.

I was pregnant, and no one
threw me a baby shower,

and now Jerusha gets one?

And she doesn't even work here.

- Why don't you join this one?

I could add your name
to the sign.

- I mean,
you already have the kid.

She already has the kid,
so she doesn't want to--

- No. No. That'd be awesome.

- Really, Cheyenne?
I mean, it's barely a shower.

There aren't gonna be
any games.

- Oh, I can handle the games.

I know, like,
a million good ones,

and Bo knows a guy
who owns a bunch of storks.

I don't know
if that's helpful,

but when they get drunk,
it's hilarious.

- Super helpful.

- Oh, this party's
gonna be sick!

- Yeah!

.

[indistinct chatter,
pop music playing over speakers]

- Look at all the food
and different-colored cups.

This is really special.

- Yep, and all the people.

So many people.
- Yeah, of course.

I mean, well, between you

and Cheyenne
and Jerusha and Diane.

- Diane?

- You remember Diane
from the shrimp boil.

I told her she could share
our shower.

I hope that's okay.

Diane!

Yoo-hoo.
- Amy!

Hi! [giggles]
- Hi.

Ooh.

- Thank you so much
for including me.

Oh, my gosh,
look at your belly.

- Yep.
- You've really popped.

- Mm-hmm.

- Let's see if I can find

your belly button
on the first try.

- Oh.
- Am I close?

- No.

- Do me next!
- Oh! Yeah...

[muffled pop music playing]

♪

- Placen-tacos.
Caesarian salad.

Amniocen-Cheez-Its?

- Why does every food need
a theme name?

Baby Boy Wieners?
Why even write that?

- [chuckles]
- It's better with no sign.

- Yo, what's up? Check out this
dad-to-be loading up on snacks.

Got to keep that energy up,
right, know what I'm saying?

- No idea what you're saying.
- What?

- Talking about J-Man here.
Congrats on that baby, dog.

What's up?
You know what?

Babies, they're
the best, okay?

You can, like, sit 'em down
and write stuff all over 'em.

They can't do nothing about it.

- Oh, yeah.
No, I'm not the--

[whispering]
It's--it's Adam.

- Nah, but I saw that clip
of two boning on the Internet.

You know what I'm saying?
Wow!

- Yeah.
- [imitates whip cracking]

- She--she was already
pregnant.

- Whoa! What if you got her
double pregnant?

- Well, that's not
really possible.

- Well, we don't know
it's impossible.

- Yeah, that's true.
We don't knowknow that

- I didn't get Amy
double pregnant.

- I bet those babies
are all up in Amy's stomach

just fighting it out.

Like, "Yo, baby,
I was here first."

[imitates blows landing]

"Give me that freakin'
umbilical cord, dog."

[imitates slurping]
I'ma slurp it all up.

[camera beeps, shutter clicking]

- And we got it.

[sighs]
Great work, everyone.

Darren, I will see you
Friday night at Zippers.

Okay, what do you think?
[grunts]

- Oh, wow. I look like
a hot, glowing Stanley Tucci.

- Yeah.
- Sorry, redundant much, Dina.

- [chuckles] I know right.
- So do you think we've got it?

- These are good,

but I have one more
really great idea.

Might seem a little crazy.

Do you trust me?

- We're so lucky
that Darren had this harness

in his trunk, huh?

This is awesome.

- Last but not least,

I need to thank
my Uber driver, Dmitri,

for getting me here
from Ponderosa so quickly.

If I could've given you
six stars, I would have.

- That was just beautiful,
Jerusha.

Huh? Yeah.
[applause]

Now I'm gonna pass
the mic around

so that everyone has
a chance to say something.

Dmitri, would you like
to kick us off?

- Actually, um...

how about we keep
this party train rolling,

and next stop is the gifts.

Choo-choo.

- Okay, somebody knows
I love trains.

But gifts are like the caboose.
They always come at the...

- End!

But what if we shake it up
and do it now?

Who wants to get crazy?

- Amy.
- Sayid.

- Mental illness is not a joke.

Jerusha's cousin is crazy.

- He ate all
of his fingernails off.

- This is getting boring, yo.
Sleep-sleep!

- Yeah, let's play games!

- Ah, seeing as you're
husband-less,

do you want your partner
to be Dmitri or--or Jonah?

- [sighs]

[all shouting]

This is nice and humiliating.
- I know. I'm sorry.

Could you spread your legs?

I'm having trouble
getting in the--

uh, the undercarriage.

I'll go around. [clears throat]
- Yeah.

- Yeah, dip, dip, dip!
That's right. That's right.

My baby's getting all
the nipples. What, what!

Yeah!

- Jerusha?
Jerusha, are you okay?

Can someone check on Jeru--
Jerusha can't swim!

- Okay, there we go.

- Oh, God, what flavor is that?

- It's peas and--
Oh, it's expired.

Uh, don't eat the baby food.
The baby food is bad.

It's bad.
- [gagging]

[all cheering]
- There he is!

Come one, Glenn!
You can do it!

Whoo, Glenn, you won!

That's my big, strong daddy!
- Oh, no, no, no, hell, no.

You knocked over that cone back
there, dog--I want a rematch.

- No, no, no, it's--it's okay.
Let's calm down.

It's just a game.
- What? Just a game, huh?

Just a game this, all right?

- Well--hey, Bo.

Bo.
[all gasping]

['80s pop music playing
over speakers]

♪

- And Kevin knew they were gonna
rob Mr. Duncan's toy store,

so we threw
a rock through the window.

- I can't believe his mom
forgot him again.

Ugh. You know, some women just
shouldn't be parents.

There, I said it.

[camera beeps]
Oh.

I need a new memory card.
BRB.

- ♪ And the bee drank tea
- ♪ Yeah, yeah

- ♪ And the snake ate cake
- ♪ Yeah, slither, slither

♪ Boom, yeah

- This party is never
going to end.

And I don't even care
about the gifts anymore.

I just want to get out of here.
How do we get out of here?

- You could go into labor.
- I've been trying.

- Excuse me,
I have a delivery here.

- Oh, I didn't know we had
a delivery scheduled for today.

- You know what?
Actually, that is my delivery.

I have been waiting for that.

- Amy, are you sure?

You haven't even had
your caricature done

by Diane yet.

- Oh, uh, yeah, I'm sure.

So I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Thank you, everyone,
for coming to the party.

It means so much.

Jonah, if you could grab
the gifts on the way out.

We can go handle this
in the warehouse.

- Oh, that's okay.

We can just take care of it
right here. Did you order...

a baby?
- Oh.

[crowd cheers]
No, I did not order--

This was not me.
- Yeah, I know,

'cause I ordered this baby
stripper for Cheyenne, yo.

Amy, you got to Venmo me
half of this, okay?

- Do babies do that?

Okay, that's--could you--

- Oh, what's this?
- [sighs]

.

[sultry hip-hop music playing
over speakers]

- I still think
this was a good idea.

- Mm-hmm.

- I mean, I-I'm enjoying myself.
- Oh, well, good.

I'm glad
you're enjoying yourself.

- [chuckles]
- It was all worth it.

- Uh-oh,
I think it's tummy time.

- Uh-oh.
- Oh, yes it is.

- Oh, no, no--
- Now I'm having a good time.

- I thought he was--
No, I'm--I'm good. Thanks.

You're--that's--

- So how did the rest
of the photo shoot go with Dina?

- Sounds good.

- Mateo!

Can you hear me?

I trust you,
but I really need to pee.

This quaint little village
is about to get flooded.

- What could this one be?

Oh, thank you, Sayid.

It is Amy with a Y, though.

- It's not my fault.
We just met.

- That is very true. Yeah.

Uh, I will just--
I'll put this my other...

wood.

Okay, well,
I think that was the last one,

so thank you all so much
for my gifts.

It was really nice of you--

- Oh, wait, you forgot ours.

- Oh, uh,
an embroidered badger.

Awesome.

- Oh, no, no, no,
this is for Diane.

- Sorry, we just got you
something off the registry.

- Oh, my God.
It's the car seat.

- You can swap with Diane
if you want.

- No, no! No. No, no, I, um--
I actually really like this.

Not that I didn't like
this stuff,

although some
of it was garbage.

Not, like, trash garbage.

Just, like,
I can actually use this,

and I really, really love it.

- Oh, good.
- Thank you so much.

Thank you.

[indistinct chatter]

- So how long
have you guys been dating?

- Who? No--What?

That's--
Uh-uh.

That's not--
Why would you--

How did you know?

- You just seem really happy
for the first time in a while.

- Huh.
- I'm playing, man.

I saw you guys making out
in the parking lot last week.

Congratulations, though.
- [sighs]

[Dina grunting,
train whistle blows]

- Sandra! Sandra!

Oh, finally.
Come get me down.

Oh, thank God. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

[exhales sharply]

Oh, no.

Are you serious?

Oh, I respect you as much
as I hate you right now.

Oh, Sandra!