Original subtitles

* Sometimes the world looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just get a feeling

* Like you need some kinda change

* No matter what the odds are this time

* Nothing's gonna stand in my way

* This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna stop me now *

JENNIFER: Okay, Mary Anne, say goodbye.

We've got to hurry, or you'll miss your plane.

Good luck. Good luck on your new job.

Thanks. I'll write every day. I promise.

Okay, bye. Bye.

Well, Balki, I guess you're feeling a lot of pain right now.

Oh, no, no, cousin.

I mean, she's going away,

but that don't change our feelings for one another

and she'll stop by when she's in the neighborhood.

"Stop by when she's in the neighborhood"?

Balki, Mary Anne is moving to London.

I know what you're feeling. I've been there.

You've been to London?

No. No... Here. Balki, sit down.

I've had a traumatic experience

like the one you're about to have.

When I was in fifth grade

I was in love with Carolyn Smyser.

Every day we'd eat lunch together.

We'd walk home from school holding hands.

And then one day she dropped a bomb on me.

No.

No. A flea and tick bomb?

Balki, no, no.

Just... Just... Just listen.

Carolyn's father...

Carolyn's father bought a cattle ranch in Texas

and she told me she'd write every day

and that she'd spend her summer vacations in Madison,

that we'd always be together.

A lip bomb?

Try not to speak

until I point to you.

Okay?

Well, for a while, I got a letter from Carolyn every day

and then once a week and then a card at Christmas.

Then... Nothing.

That girl I'd loved was gone forever.

That's the saddest story...

I've ever heard.

What does that have to do with Mary Anne?

It's the same thing.

Mary Anne's new life will be filled with glamor and excitement.

Well, she'll be too tired to write.

She won't have time to visit.

Balki, she means well,

but face it, that chick is gone.

Oh, cousin, I had no idea I hurt so much

until you pointed it out to me.

Hey.

Balki, it's 3:00 in the morning.

What are you doing?

I'm listening to the refrigerator turn on and off.

Well, that sounds like something worth doing.

Balki, why don't you try and get some sleep? No, cousin.

We need to go to work in a few hours.

I don't care. I... It don't matter.

I can't eat. I can't sleep.

I can't do anything except think about...

Except think about... Mary Anne.

You feel like you wanna die, don't you?

Balki, if you wanna stop thinking about Mary Anne,

you know what you have to do? No.

You have to get yourself a hobby.

Yes, a hobby. Something new and exciting to take your mind off her.

I got over Carolyn Smyser by taking up photography.

Yes, I spent so much time taking pictures

that I forgot all about her.

Really?

Really? Yes.

There must be something that you've always wanted to do.

No, there isn't.

There is one thing.

Good. What is it?

Sheep vaulting. Well, there you go.

Sheep vaulting?

Cousin, it is the number one spectator sport on Mypos.

Stop me if I have told you this before.

I was actually there when Tony Tomopolous

jumped over 37 sheep in one vault.

Unfortunately he was trying for 38.

On Mypos, they still use that shot

at the beginning of Wide World of Sports.

They call it, "The thrill of victory,

"the agony of the sheep."

Sheep vaulting?

Balki, I don't think sheep vaulting

has hit the States yet.

But just look what talking about a new hobby

has done for you already.

Who? Mary Anne.

Sorry.

I'm telling you, go ahead.

Where's Balki?

He took the day off.

Ask him why?

Why?

As I explained to Harriette,

Balki's been very upset ever since Mary Anne moved to London,

so I gave him a little advice about how to handle it.

And he's out

following my advice.

Now, ask him what the advice was.

I told him if he wanted to take his mind off Mary Anne

he should find a hobby, maybe join a club.

I told him to check out coin collecting,

model building, historical walks--

Uh, Balki's suffering from a broken heart

and you told him to take a historical walk?

Take it from a professional advice columnist, Larry.

Your advice stinks.

Harriette, oh, thank you.

If Balki doesn't get some help

he's going to end up as crazy as she is.

You just cannot pay me a compliment

and let it drop, can you?

I mean, would it kill you just to be nice?

I've got one nerve left and you're leaning on it.

You'll see.

What did you do?

I joined a club.

What, the Peter Fonda fan club?

No. The Motor Psychos.

The Motor Psychos?

The Motor Psychos.

"If you're looking for trouble, we'll help you find it."

I think they're kind of a public service organization.

Oh, my Lord.

You've got a tattoo.

It's not a real tattoo. It's a loaner.

Cousin, you were right.

Joining a club is just what I needed

to help me to get my mind off of

that person I'm trying to get my mind off of.

You should join too. Then we can ride our hogs together.

I don't want to ride a hog.

I don't want to join the club.

I've heard about the Motor Psychos.

They are awful people.

No, they're not.

The Motor Psychos are a swell bunch of guys.

I've got an initiation ceremony to get to.

Balki, you are not joining that club.

Oh, yes, I am.

All right, Balki, listen to me.

Hi, Cobra.

Hey, kid, how you doing?

Just fine, thank you.

Sorry about that.

That's great!

Hey, everybody, the funny kid's back.

ALL: Hey! Yeah!

So, Cobra, when is the initiation?

You know the rules.

You can't be a Motor Psycho

till you get yourself an old lady.

I stopped at the senior citizens' home on the way over here.

But I got to tell you, those old ladies can really put up a fight.

Don't worry, kid.

I'll take care of you. I'll get you one.

Yo, Flame!

Flame will be your old lady.

It's initiation time!

ALL: Yeah!

Oh, thank you very much. Don't mind if I do.

For an old lady, you are in remarkable shape.

Clean living.

Oh, cousin, cousin, you changed your mind about the Motor Psychos!

Now we're both going to be members!

Now we're so happy, we do the dance of joy.

Stop it.

No, I have not changed my mind about the Motor Psychos.

I came down here to talk some sense into you.

Now, come on. Let's go.

Who's the pocket yuppie?

Oh, this is my cousin, Larry.

Cousin, this is my new friend, Cobra.

It's spelled just like the snake.

Well, it's very nice to meet you, Mr. Cobra.

String tie. Nice look for you.

Listen, I'd love to stay and chat

but I really just stopped by to get Balki.

So, if you'll excuse us--

Hey!

The kid stays. He makes us laugh.

Well, you know, if it's laughs you're looking for

I could send you some comedy albums.

You like Steve Martin?

Robin Williams?

What about Jay Leno? He rides a motorcycle.

Jay Leno?

Jay Leno's funny.

I can get Shandling.

You know what I think, pal?

I think you came to the wrong place

at the wrong time.

Oh, oh.

What are you doing to my cousin, Larry?

Cousin, I--

It's called target practice.

Cobra, I'm beginning to think there's a dark side to you.

I don't think I wanna be in your club.

That's okay.

You don't have to join,

Hey! A beer truck just overturned down the street!

There's free beer for everyone!

ALL: Yeah!

I'll be back.

Balki, Balki, stop!

Let me help you down.

Come on. Okay Yes.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

All right, stop.

Stop.

Balki, stop it!

Balki.

Reach for that chair.

Balki,

with your foot.

Go ahead. Reach.

Oh, just... Good. Go ahead. One more. Reach.

All right, here, let me help you.

Reach.

Reach, reach, reach.

Oh! Ah!

Come here. All right. Good. Good. Good.

All right. All right.

Come on.

That-a-boy. Okay.

All right.

Cousin, cousin, do it for me.

No, no, Balki. Oh, please, cousin.

Please, please, Mr. Scarecrow, which way to the Emerald City?

BOTH: Some people go that way

and some people go that way.

Of course people do go both ways.

I love it! I love it!

I love it!

Balki!

Get me down!

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Oh!

What's this?

I thought I was riding with kitten lips.

Get 'em. All right, hold it!

Don't come any closer!

Is that what you were trying to do?

Well, I wasn't going for the head.

You know, sometimes the label covers over the part of the bottle...

BOTH: Yes, that was it.

Let's go.

Cousin, cousin, cousin.

It's initiation time!

ALL: Yeah!

Where's Elvis? I don't see Elvis.

Cousin, I want to--

Hey, get those guys!

ALL: Hey! Yeah!

Are you sure we lost them? Positive.

Are you sure you never told them your name?

Positive. Ah, good.

I think we're safe.

You what?

Just kidding. Oh.

Cousins should joke more.

Balki, let me give you a little tip.

Anytime you meet someone with the word "death"

tattooed anywhere on their body...

Stay away.

Words to live by.

Oh, cousin, I should have listened to you

when you told me not to join the Motor Psychos.

Well, I can understand why you did it.

It's the only thing that kept your mind off Mary Anne.

Oops.

I'm never going to get over her.

Mary Anne!

Do you have to keep mentioning her name?

Balki.

Oh, boy, now I'm hearing her voice.

Balki?

Cousin, I'm halluciginating.

Balki, this is Mary Anne.

Mary Anne.

You came back.

You came back.

I came back.

Nice outfit.

Mary Anne, why did you come back?

Oh, I had to.

I missed Chicago.

But most of all, I missed you.

Well, believe me, Mary Anne, Balki missed you, too.

Mary Anne, you are not going to believe

what happened while you were gone.

I can hardly believe it myself.

What? Cousin Larry saw Elvis.