Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kinda change

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

On the wings of my dream

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

And nothing's gonna stop me now

Electric bill.

Gas bill.

Phone bill.

Balki, there's no stamp on this.

Balki, Larry, something wonderful has happened.

This is the greatest day of my life.

Ms. Lydia, what, what is it?

Chuck Panama called and he's coming to my party tonight.

Get out of the city!

The Chuck Panama?

The one they named the canal after?

No, Balki, you're thinking of Chuck Suez.

Chuck Panama happens to be one of the hottest

record producers in America today.

I've dreamed of being a singer all my life.

I've even had people tell me I'm a young Barbra Streisand.

my Grammy is just around the corner.

Oh, I would love to meet your grammy!

Is she coming to the party?

No, no. No, no, no!

She, uh, hates parties.

But you could do me an eensy-teensy favor.

I can't get a piano delivered to my apartment tonight

so I thought since you guys are coming to the party

you could pick it up on your way.

We'd love to, but I have a back problem.

If I don't get a chance to sing for Chuck Panama

my life will be meaningless.

I know what you mean.

The only thing worse than a meaningless life

is a bad back.

Oh, Ms. Lydia, I promise you get your piano.

Cousin, don't worry, I'll do all the work.

I always do all the work.

Terrific! Terrific!

Now, here is the receipt for the piano.

Try to be a little bit early.

I want to do a sound check.

Thanks!

Now, why did you do that?

I want to go to a party and have fun.

I don't wanna work up a sweat moving a piano.

Now, cousin, that is where Balki

has his thinking cap pulled way down over his ears.

We're not going to bust our buttocks

we're going to rent one of those trucks

with the little elevator on the back.

Your back will be no problem

your underarms will stay nice and dry

and because you have helped a friend you'll feel good inside.

What you say?

All right, all right.

I'll move the piano. But I won't feel good inside.

Yeah. Yes, you will. No, I won't.

Yes, you will. No, I won't.

I already have a little pain right here.

Okay, bring it on in.

Bring it on in. A little more, a little more, a little more.

Ho, ho, ho. Ho!

Okay, straight over here!

Straight over here. Keep it comin', keep it comin'.

Keep it coming.

Swing it on in.

Bring it in, bring it in.

Little more, little more, little more.

Ho!

You thought this was gonna be hard,

Looks like one of the goats doesn't fit.

Okay, smarty pants!

I just do this, turn it around like this and voila!

Question?

Answer. We don't.

Guess the world will just have to get along

with one Barbra Streisand.

Cousin, there must be a way!

Uh-uh! Yes!

No, Balki, Balki. Hold on, hold on.

Think about what you're thinking.

Two men are going to carry a piano upstairs?

And, no.

Cousin, we made a promise.

Oh, no, no! No, no, no, no, no!

I didn't promise anybody anything. You promised.

You know, you're right.

I promised. You didn't promise.

Okay, um...

So, you go, go upstairs to the party

and I'll just take care of it.

And, and, cousin,

don't worry about me

One.

Wait a minute.

Who moves a piano like that?

All right, I'll help you.

Oh, thank you, cousin. Oh!

Now.

What we need first is a plan.

Cousin, nobody enjoys one of your plans

more than I do.

But I was just thinking maybe we could just pick it up and go.

Oh, just pick it up and go? Just pick it up and go.

Just pick it up and go.

Oh, Balki, Balki, Balki.

Running with sharp sticks in their hands?

No.

Trying to cut their toenails with a bolt cutter?

No!

Sleeping out in the open and letting little bugs crawl

in their ears and make nests and then

they start to buzz and buzz

until you think you're gonna go crazy,

No, no, no, Balki, Balki, Balki.

The most common way people hurt themselves

is by lifting heavy objects incorrectly.

Really? Yes, they do.

Now, the secret to lifting a piano

is to let your legs do all the work.

It's all in the legs.

All in the legs.

All in the legs.

All in the legs. All in the legs.

All in the legs. All in the legs.

All in the legs. All in the legs.

BOTH: All in the legs.

I like this. I thought you would.

Now, on the count of three

we will lift...

Other side, other side, other side.

On the count of three we will lift the piano up

one step and set it down.

What we are trying to do is establish a rhythm.

Hey, I got rhythm!

I got music.

I got my pal. Who could ask for anything more?

Ready?

Yes.

All in the legs.

One, two, three. Lift!

One, two, three. Lift!

One, two, three. Lift!

One, two, three. Lift!

What floor is Lydia on?

One, two, three. Lift!

She's on 10.

One, two, three... 10?

Somebody broke the rhythm.

LARRY: One, two, three. Lift!

One, two, three. Lift!

Why do I let you talk me into helping other people?

Why do I listen? I could have said no.

I did say no!

Good news, cousin.

We only have seven floors to go.

One, two, three. Lift!

One, two, three. Lift!

One, two, three. Lift!

Cousin.

One, two, three. Lift!

Cousin.

Balki, why aren't we moving?

We are not moving because the piano is on my foot.

Ooh!

Well, lift it off your foot.

That was my first instinct

but you see, the wheel is caught on the carpet.

All right, all right.

You hang on to the piano.

That would be nice.

All right, have you got it?

More than you know.

Argh! Argh! Sorry.

All right, on the count of three lift the piano and don't let go.

Ready? One, two, three.

I said lift and don't let go.

Oh, don't let go!

Don't let go.

So then don't... Don't.

...would have been the operative word...

Yes! ...in that phrase.

Yes!

Balki!

Pull! Pull!

What does it look like I'm doing?

Milking a goat?

Okay, here's the plan.

We move the piano up to Lydia's

and then you move back to Mypos.

I'm glad you're in a joking mood, you big kidder you!

Now, let's tackle these ivories.

LARRY: One.

Two.

Three.

Lift.

One, two, three.

Balki.

No!

We're here!

We made it. We... We're here.

And you thought it was gonna be hard.

I can't believe it.

My back is fine!

Okay, Balki, open the door.

Open the door.

That door can't be locked.

No, no, no, no!

Cousin,

don't do that.

It's gonna be okay. You know why?

We just, we just gonna go downstairs

and we just take the elevator up

and I bet you can open it from the other side.

Okay.

Okay? Okay.

Okay. Okay.

It's just I'm missing the whole party.

I know.

And I'm all sweaty.

I know.

And I got a blister.

And your pants are ripped.

My pants are ripped?

Yeah, I was going to tell you earlier, but then I thought,

"He might lose his mind."

My pants are ripped?

I love these pants.

These are my good pants!

These pants make me look taller!

Guess I should have waited.

I hate that stupid piano!

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Oh! Oh!

My back! I hurt my back.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Ow! Oh!

Ow! Oh!

Ow! Oh!

Ow! Oh!

Are you finished?

Yes! Okay.

Would you like me to help you downstairs?

Yes, please.

Argh!

Don't worry, cousin.

You hurt yourself doing something good

for somebody else.

God will smile on you.

That's what I did this for? A smile?

Now, cousin, if there's one thing

that this simple Mypiot knows

that is, that if you do something good for other people

good things are bound to happen to you.

What was that?

Could be anything.

Or it could be the piano rolling down the stairs.

It appears to be following us.

Cousin, did Stephen King ever write anything about the piano?

There's got to be a logical explanation.

Maybe the floors are uneven.

Or maybe it's alive!

Faster! Faster!

Perhaps you'd like to get off and wait for the next Mypiot.

What are you doing? You forgot your jacket.

Forget the jacket.

Well!

I had no idea a piano had so many parts.

So, um, Chuck, do you like my singing?

CHUCK: Why don't we discuss it tomorrow night at my hotel?

Until then.

Ciao, baby.

Ciao!

Oh, Balki! Larry! I didn't see you at the party.

Did I invite you to the party?

Lydia, we were moving your piano.

Oh, that. Funny thing.

I didn't need that piano after all.

I used a background tape. It had a full orchestra.

It just supported my voice so much better than

that dinky little piano.

Did you hear that, Balki?

She didn't need the piano.

Well, that's, that's fortunate, Ms. Lydia,

because the piano now bears a striking resemblance

to a pile of Lincoln Logs.

Oh, who cares about that silly old piano?

He really likes me!

And you wanna know why he really likes me?

Because...

People

People who need people

With one person

One very special person

Cousin, isn't it wonderful the way things worked out?

Wonderful? What is so wonderful?

We killed ourselves taking a piano up 10 floors for nothing!

Well, now that's true, but

the point is that you helped me to do this

even though it was against your better judgment.

And that makes this evening worth it for you?

Well, yes, it does.

Because, cousin, if you were willing

to help me to do this then I know that even if

the world falls in on me I can ask for your help.

Well, Balki, you're probably right.

But just don't ask for the next few days, okay?

There's plenty of time, cousin.

We, we won't have to help Harriette move

into our building until next week.