Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kind of change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's going to stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

Through the rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

And nothing's gonna to stop me now

Uh! I can't believe it.

Took me a year to finally get my own parking space

and someone else parks in it.

Harriette, do you know anyone

who owns a black Porsche with red pin striping?

Oh, yeah, that's Doug Perkins' new car.

Yeah, well, I'm gonna have to find this Perkins guy

and set him straight.

Well, you're in luck, here he comes now.

Uh, excuse me.

Stop, right there.

I'm in your space, right?

Hey, I know what you're thinking.

But I can explain.

So there's less chance of dings.

But listen I've got your best interests at heart.

So, I'll park in your space, you can park in mine.

Well, that sounds fair. Super.

I gotta run.

Uh, wait!

Where's your space?

Well, after all, it is a Porsche.

Hi, cousin.

Mr. Gorpley tell me that

The last time he said that

Bartokomous, here's your paycheck.

Take it before I spend it on gum.

Uh, Mr. Gorpley... What?

Uh... I just have looked

at my check and I cannot help

but notice that the amount is the same as last week.

And...

Did somebody forget something?

Let me see that.

I did forget something. Thanks for reminding me.

Oh, just doing your job.

I forgot to tell you that you're not getting a raise.

Why not?

No, it is personal.

You're getting a raise because you're a foreigner,

you dress funny, and I just didn't feel like it.

Oh, well, as long as you had a good reason.

LARRY: You know what I should have told that Perkins?

I should have told him to take a powder with his Porsche.

Cousin, you know, you could look at it this way.

Now everybody will think you own a Porsche.

Balki, you're just as bad as I am.

You just stood by and let Gorpley take away your raise.

People walk all over us.

Look at this.

What is this?

I believe this is a Filet-O-Fish.

I never get what I order.

And you know why I never get what I order?

Because you don't enunciate?

No! No!

Because waitresses intimidate me.

And this one was only 14.

Just let's eat our fish. Ugh...

Fish is brain food.

Or is it brain is fish food?

Balki, how can you be so nice?

But, cousin, you know, on Mypos, we have a saying,

"You can never be too nice or too thin."

Well, this isn't Mypos.

Here nice guys finish last.

Oh, hi, Jennifer. Hi, Larry.

Look, I can't make our date tonight.

An old high school friend is in town.

I hope it's okay.

Oh, hey, no problem.

I knew you would understand. Bye.

Bye.

Now, why did I say it was no problem?

It's a big problem.

I have tickets to the ballet.

Well, now, cousin

and consider the whole thing water under the Baryshnikov.

Balki! This is no laughing matter.

We have trouble being assertive.

MAN: Do you have trouble being assertive?

Do you have trouble getting what you order in restaurants?

Does your girlfriend break dates with you?

At the last minute?

When you ask for a raise, does your boss laugh in your face?

Do people steamroll over you like you don't even exist?

Well, stop!

take the Stop seminar this weekend

and take charge of your life.

For more information, call 555-STOP and do it today!

Wow!

Talk about truth in advertising.

Balki, if we had taken a seminar like that a long time ago

I'd be parking in my own space and you'd have your raise.

All right, cousin, there's two things you've got to know

about the Mypiot right upfront.

Number one, we all enjoy a good pomegranate.

That one don't apply here.

But the next one does.

We don't demand things like raises.

We believe that if we sow the seeds of hard work,

and water them with a cheerful attitude,

then a tree of blessings will take root

and grow and then we will reap the fruit of our labors.

is the aforementioned pomegranate.

Terrific.

This from a country that gave us the Mediterranean fruit fly.

You're welcome.

Well, I'm going to take that seminar.

Hello?

I want to sign up for the Stop seminar

and take charge of my life.

Yes, I'll hold.

Balki.

I'm home.

How was your Stop seminar?

Very instructive.

BALKI: Good.

Balki, look at me. What do you see?

Oh, cousin, I love this game but you make it too easy.

You should have tell me to cover my eyes first.

Balki, uncover your eyes and I'll tell you what you see.

You see a man who ordered a cheeseburger

for lunch and you know what I got?

A BLT?

At first.

But I sent it back and got a cheeseburger.

Well, now, cousin, isn't that nice.

You got to tell me all about it all over dinner.

I'll sit over there-- Stop!

Okay.

See, Balki, that's what I learned today.

When someone tries to make you do something

you don't want to do, you just tell them

stop.

In this case, I'm not hungry.

But, cousin, why you didn't tell me in the first place, I--

Stop!

Are you telling me what to tell you?

but if you tell me what it is you want me to stop telling you,

I'll stop telling it to you.

All right, Balki. It's okay.

I'm just trying out the new Larry Appleton.

A man who's had it up to here with having it up to here.

I'll get it.

But only because I choose to.

Come in.

Hi, Larry. Jennifer.

Listen, about Monday night,

I can't make it.

What?

Jennifer, I don't wanna hear about it.

I asked you out, you said yes, so, get on the horn

to your supervisor, tell him, you're not going anywhere

except out with me.

Do it, now.

Well, okay.

Balki, you are looking

at a lean, mean, assertive machine.

Cousin, don't you think Jennifer will be mad at you?

No, no.

at Stop training.

People, especially women

like it when you talk to them like that.

They do? Yes.

But pretty soon they learn

that you're doing them a favor.

You think you're doing her a favor

Exactly.

You see, Balki, at Stop

we learn that bending people

to your will...

Is the most unselfish thing you can do.

Cousin, I believe in being nice to others.

Well, of course you do, and I do too.

But before you can be nice to other people

you have to be nice to yourself.

Really? Yes.

Balki, how do you feel

when you see other people get what they want?

I feel happy. Right.

And other people will be happy

when they see you get what you want.

Really? Yes.

So if you want other people to be happy

you have to take what you want.

Even if it doesn't make them happy

while you are taking it.

Let me get this straight. Mmm-hmm.

I can make others happy

by taking what I want,

even if it makes them unhappy while I'm taking it,

because they don't realize how happy they're going to be

after I have gotten it.

Ooh, you're good.

You are a Stop natural. I...

You are, I mean it. No.

I mean it. Yes, yes, you are.

Balki, I am going to teach you

how to get your raise.

This is your raise.

Cousin, this is a cantaloupe.

Now cantaloupes are nice,

but I was hoping for money.

Balki, this cantaloupe

represents your raise.

All right, here, stand over here.

Stand over here. Uh-huh.

Now...

is to walk over here

and take it.

Not yet.

All right, now.

Balki...

Concentrate.

Commit to your goal.

Don't let any obstacles

come between you and your raise.

Are you ready to go get your raise?

Go.

Is that a spider on your neck?

Don't step on Dimitri.

Too bad about Wayne Newton.

Something happened to Wayne?

Aha! Oh...

Cousin, I don't know if I can do this.

Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

All we have to do

is focus your anger.

I don't have any anger.

Oh, yes, you do.

No, I don't. Yes, you do.

No, I don't. Yes, you do.

I don't have any anger!

Where do you think that come from?

The man who promised you a raise

and then viciously took it away from you!

Well, I'll be snookered.

I didn't know that was in there.

Well, there's a lot more where that came from.

Yes, yes, I do.

So, wouldn't you have sent half your raise home to your mama?

Well, yes, I would.

So by taking money away from you,

Mr. Gorpley is taking money away from your mama.

What kind of man would steal

from a kindly, old woman?

A bad man. Mmm-hmm.

And...

Awful.

Bad. How does that make you feel?

That makes me angry!

All right, now what are you going to do with that anger?

I'm going to use it to get what I want!

And why are you going to get what you want?

Because I'm selfish! And why are you selfish?

Because I want to make people happy!

Yes, yes, you've got it. Happy!

You've got it!

LARRY: Balki, go in there

and get your raise.

All right, Mr. Gorpley,

you can run...

But you cannot ride.

Stop!

Last week I asked you very nicely to move your car.

You refused. I let you get away with it.

Well, those days are over.

I want you out of my space

and I want you out now.

Oh, man!

Yes, I have.

I went to that seminar last week.

That's why I took your space.

I thought it would make you happy.

she threw me out.

Just went upstairs, demanded a raise,

I was fired.

Stop ruined my life.

Do yourself a favor!

Forget everything they told you.

Before it's too late!

Balki.

Uh, Mr. Gorpley, Mr. Gorpley.

Mr. Gorpley, uh, if... If you see Balki before I do

you should know that he was

uh, he was hypnotized at a party

and thinks he's General Patton.

If this is some sob story about the Mypiot's raise

save your breath.

Over the weekend I thought about it

and I decided to give it to him.

You did?

Balki! Balki! Hey, Balki!

Listen, buddy, listen. Balki! Balki! Balki!

Change o' plan.

Balki! Balki!

You got your raise!

Of course I did.

Out of my way, little man.

I have a date with dynasty.

Balki! Balki!

You have got to stop Stop!

Cousin, if you don't want to make the trip to success

then get out of the road.

Ah, Bartokomous--

Stop!

Excuse me?

out of my mama's mouth.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about my mama's mouth

and the act of taking money out of it.

I deserve a raise.

Therefore, it's mine.

I demand it now.

Let me get this straight.

You are demanding a raise?

You got that right you Mypiot-mother-mugger.

Do you know what this is?

It's a piece of paper.

Yes.

This is the authorization for your raise.

I was just taking it up to payroll.

Well, of course you were.

Don't be ridiculous.

I got my raise?

You had it.

Now you don't.

Balki, Balki, what happened?

LARRY: Balki!

I'm focusing my anger.

Cousin, great news!

Mr. Gorpley give me my raise back.

Oh, that's great, Balki. I'd...

I'm afraid I owe you a big apology

and I hope Mr. Gorpley wasn't too hard on you.

Actually, all I had to do was tell him

that I had been listening to you

and that seemed to be enough.

Balki, I... I don't know

I mean, I just wanted to be able to stand up for myself

so that people wouldn't walk all over me.

I just thought that a little aggressiveness would help.

Cousin, it's okay to stand up for yourself

as long as you don't stand on other people.

You know, on Mypos we have a saying.

Would you care to hear it in the original?

No, translation would be fine. Okay.

It says, "You get more flies with honey than with a rifle."

I would think so, yes.

So anyway, it's okay as long as you learned a lesson.

Oh, eh, uh, Balki, I have.

And never again will I jump

into something like this blindly.

Well, the good news is that we've taken care

of all the harm that's been done.

BOTH: Come in!

LARRY: Oh, Jennifer.

you treated me the other night.

Yes, about that I...

Don't ever talk to me that way again.

Cousin, it was a sucker punch.

You'll get her next time.