Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kinda change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

And nothing's gonna stop me now

Cousin, how's that article coming?

Well, it's coming along fine, considering the J, the K

and the period don't work.

You want me to take anything upstairs?

Yeah, give me a minute. I'm almost finished.

Did you want an envelope for that?

You'd think a newspaper could give its reporters

typewriters that work.

I'll be right back. Okay.

Baa-baa, baa-baa.

Baa-baa.

Ba-ba-ba ba-Barbara Ann

Ba-ba-ba ba-Barbara Ann

Ba-ba

Don't do that, baby.

Larry's not here. Come on, come on.

What you doing here?

If Cousin Larry sees you again,

Uh, now, excuse me, baby. I'm not one to pry.

Wait a minute. Back that up. I am one to pry.

Why all the sneaking around the past three days?

Balki, Mary Anne, and I

Not just a typewriter.

No, no. A Wellington 4000 with

"feather-touch control."

Balki, I've been everywhere.

Oh, bummer!

Have you tried Anderson's Office Supply?

No.

It's out the front door,

Knock twice, and ask for Malcolm.

And whatever you do,

don't stare at his tattoo.

Terrific, I'm going down an alley

to talk to a man with a tattoo.

Jennifer! Larry!

Cousin!

Look who came to visit us!

Again? That's three days in a row.

Are you, uh,

placing another ad in the classifieds?

Uh... Yes, she just came to visit

us right after she place her ad in the classifieds,

in the Chronicle, in Chicago!

Great!

My toaster. Her oven. Her toaster oven.

Are we still on for tonight? JENNIFER: Tonight?

Dinner?

Oh, dinner. Sure. Right.

Well, I gotta run.

You know, Balki,

I can see right through her.

Did you send away for those special glasses?

No, I'm talking about that classified ad nonsense.

The first day she said she was selling her sewing machine.

I checked the ads.

The next day, she was supposedly selling her Waterpik.

No way, she loves that Waterpik.

And today, her toaster oven?

Balki, I think I know what's going on.

You do?

Obviously, Jennifer's got a bad case of

the Larries.

Well, of course she does. Don't be ridiculous.

No. No. They're nothing like the willies.

Balki,

I think she's falling for me.

Interesting.

Tonight I'm taking Jennifer out to dinner

and I'm going to pull out all the stops.

Oh, cousin!

Better.

You're taking waiters and you're not taking me?

I'll take you next time. Oh, I see.

You're too kind.

BALKI: I'll get it!

Where's Larry?

Did you get the Wellington 4000 with feather touch control?

Now, listen. Anderson's is still too expensive.

But they me their supplier's having a clearance sale

and maybe I can bargain with him.

Oh! I love bargaining!

I got this vest by bargaining. Oh...

I hate it. Well, let's not mince words.

Oh, no. Not the vest! I hate bargaining.

Balki, you have to come with me.

No, no, no. Tonight. It's the last night of the sale.

Well, what about your date with Cousin Larry?

Don't worry about it. I'll just make it up to him another time.

Just meet me downstairs in five minutes.

Balki?

Oh, Jennifer.

You're, you're here already.

Uh, Larry, I'm terribly sorry but I can't go out with you tonight.

Something came up.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

What?

What what?

What, what, what came up?

Oh.

Well, uh, you see, I...

I got a chance to work the Concorde flight to Paris.

It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Oh! I didn't know the Concordes flew out of Chicago.

That's why it's once in a lifetime.

Oh!

Well, I'll see you when I get back then.

Okay. Bye.

Pretty lucky break for Jennifer, huh?

The Concorde? Please.

If she's going to lie to me, I deserve better than that.

Oh, cousin...

What makes you think she's lying to you? She's your friend.

Friends don't lie to friends.

Thanks. I know you're trying to cheer me up.

Oh...

Times like these.

It's important to have a friend like you to talk to.

Oh, cousin. Thank you.

I'm glad I could be here for you.

Where are you going?

that you spend time by yourself, so...

I think I'm just gonna go to a movie.

I'll go with you.

You know, on second thought,

I really don't feel like a movie.

But, why don't you just go ahead?

Eh, who am I kidding?

A movie's not gonna help.

I'd rather stay here with you and talk it out.

That always makes me feel better.

Okay, fine.

I spend all evening trying to cheer you up.

I... I give you one pep talk after another.

I invite you to go to a movie,

but you insist I go with you.

I... I give, give, give,

until I'm blue in the head.

But you want more.

Well, let me tell you something, buster. I have no more to give.

The cupboard is bare.

So, if you want to sit by yourself and feel sorry,

go ahead, but don't make me look at it.

Now, if you'll excuse me I need some fresh air.

Balki, I still can't believe we got such a great deal!

Where did you learn to bargain like that?

Well, on Mypos only a fool buys retail.

JENNIFER: Well, you were incredible. BALKI: Oh...

JENNIFER: Yes, you were! BALKI: Oh!

JENNIFER: Yes, you were! BALKI: Oh!

Shh! Larry's going to hear us.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

JENNIFER: Well, just remember, if Larry finds out,

it will ruin everything.

Get some sleep.

BALKI: You've earned it.

JENNIFER: I will.

I'm exhausted.

Well, you were!

I learned a few things from you tonight.

You know, it's like I always say,

the more you do it, the better you get at it.

JENNIFER: Well, you're the best.

Good night.

Hi, Larry. Come on in.

Nice robe. Thanks.

Is Balki here?

Larry, Balki's your roommate. I live with Jennifer.

Is Jennifer here?

Mary Anne, I think you had better sit down.

I have some

rather shocking news to tell you.

Have they discontinued this pattern?

Mary Anne. Listen very carefully.

Jennifer and Balki

are having an affair.

What do you mean?

An affair. A tryst.

A liaison.

Yeah.

Balki and Jennifer are having a

cheap, sordid, sex thing.

Balki and Jennifer?

I can't believe it.

Balki's the sweetest guy I ever met.

And Jennifer and I have been best friends since we were eight.

Love hurts.

Doesn't it, Mary Anne?

It sure does.

But, Larry? Yes?

Why are you so upset?

He's still asleep.

Good morning, cousin.

Good morning, cousin.

Well, you're just as smooth as you can be, aren't you?

Well, I... I do use a moisturizer.

Enough about me.

You look hungry. You know what?

Why don't we go out for breakfast?

Let's get you some breakfast. And I'll buy.

I'm not hungry.

Well, then. Why don't we stroll?

We'll just walk down State Street

that great street and build up an appetite.

Right.

Cousin, don't put your coat in this closet.

Because the other day, I saw a roach in there

the size of a Winnebago.

Oh, boy, was it a big roach!

And... Ooh! Oh, there it goes! You're going to get it.

LARRY: Okay, Balki...

When you're ready to be honest with me,

let me know.

Until then,

Now wait a minute, cousin!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Don't go to your room.

Let's just... Let's just be honest.

and let's just be straightforward

and honest, and...

And just let our hair down.

You go first.

Okay, Balki, let's stop the charade.

I know what's going on. You do?

Yes, I do. I know all about you and Jennifer.

Oh!

You... You take my breath away!

If you only knew how hard we tried to keep it from you.

A-ha!

So you admit it?

Cousin, I am so bummed you had to find out.

Just tell me.

How long has this been going on?

Well, we've been kicking around the idea a couple months.

Oh... But...

We really didn't do anything about it until last week.

How could you deceive me all this time?

You're asking me?

It wasn't easy!

But, you know, it got kind of fun

when we pictured how surprised you would be

when we sprung it on you.

When you sprung it on? But wha-wha...

What were you going to do? Send me a telegram?

No, we were going to invite you over to dinner.

And then right before the dessert come out,

we were going to yell, "Surprise!"

That's...

That's how you were going to tell me?

That you and Jennifer are lovers?

You steal my girl,

and then throw me a party to tell me about it?

Have you no guilt?

No shame, no remorse?

Well, obviously not.

Larry Appleton!

A-ha!

How dare you talk that way to Balki?

He's your best friend.

My best friend?

Oh, really?

Dinner

An office supply clearance sale.

Oh!

Kinky.

Actually, we were buying a present for you.

Oh, is that why you were in Balki's bedroom?

That's exactly why I was in Balki's bedroom.

Oh, yeah. What... And what were you doing?

Gift

That's a Wellington 4000!

With feather-touch control.

Ooh, boy.

A-ha!

Mary Anne! Don't you Mary Anne me.

How dare you try to steal the man I like a lot away from me?

Mary Anne, I wasn't stealing Balki away from you.

We were shopping for a typewriter, remember?

Oh, right!

Larry, they weren't having a cheap, sordid sex thing.

I know that now.

I think we'd better go.

Let's talk later, Larry, okay?

What's going on?

Oh! Ho, ho!

Oh, what crazy things

people do

when they misunderstand each other!

And I mean, when you think

of the stupid things

I did

Well, it... It just makes you want to laugh out loud, doesn't it?

Huh

Oh.

Balki, I

don't know what to say.

I am so sorry.

It's just that when... When I thought you and Jennifer were

involved,

I kind of

Kind of overreacted?

Kind of overreacted?

You had a meltdown.

Well, I thought you stole my girl!

But, you didn't.

No, I didn't.

You were buying me a Wellington 4000.

Why would you do that?

It's not my birthday, it's not Christmas.

Why would you buy this for me?

Why would your best friend buy you a present?

What am I? The first best friend you've ever had?

Oh, boy.

Am I the first best friend you ever had?

Oh, boy.

I am the first best friend you ever had.

Maybe.

But, I guess

after what I did, that's all over, huh?

Cousin, so much to teach you

so little time.

Of course our friendship isn't over.

And I forgive you.

Now, let's open this baby up and see what she can do.

No, Balki. I don't deserve that.

Oh, cousin, please take it.

No, I can't.

Please take it! I can't.

Take it! Take it! I can't, no.

Take the typewriter!

It's a gift from a friend.

BOTH: Okay.