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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:13,814 Sometimes the world looks perfect 2 00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:16,150 Nothin' to rearrange 3 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,420 Sometimes you just get a feelin' 4 00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:22,356 Like you need some kind of change 5 00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:26,794 No matter what the odds are this time 6 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,597 Nothing's gonna stand in my way 7 00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:32,500 This flame in my heart like a long lost friend 8 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:37,105 Gives every dark street a light at the end 9 00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:41,109 Standing tall 10 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:44,512 On the wings of my dream 11 00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:51,552 On the wings of my dream 12 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:54,922 The rain and thunder, the wind and haze 13 00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:57,425 I'm bound for better days 14 00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:01,529 It's my life and my dream 15 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:05,032 Nothing's going to stop me now 16 00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:08,202 It's my life and my dream 17 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,804 Nothing's going to stop me now 18 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,649 Nothing's going to stop me now 19 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,640 Oh, nice job. Thank you. 20 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:49,777 You finally found a task worthy of your talent. 21 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:56,284 Cousin Larry, congratulate me. 22 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:58,886 Congratulations. Thank you. 23 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,388 Why? 24 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:03,757 Because today, I joined a healthy club. 25 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,829 Now, why did you have to do something like that? 26 00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,564 Because, you see this? 27 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:13,601 Body fat. You don't need it. 28 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:17,538 But with aerobic exercise and weight resistance, 29 00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:21,609 you can whittle away that disgusting body bag of fat you got 30 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:25,579 and reap cardiovascular benefits... 31 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:33,321 Balki, some of these clubs are just out to rip you off. 32 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:36,590 What does that mean? 33 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,260 Turnip, turnip, turnip. 34 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,629 They sell memberships to maroons like you 35 00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:45,333 and then, uh, split town with all the dough. 36 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,934 Wish I had thought of that. 37 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,572 Do you want to join with me? Not on your life. 38 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,907 This river runs too deep. 39 00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,648 You would meet women in tight leotards. 40 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:05,519 Women who go to those clubs aren't interested in guys like you and me. 41 00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:09,590 You're wasting your money. Well, if you say don't join, I don't join. 42 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,825 Don't join. Don't say that. 43 00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,764 Okay, I call and cancel my membership. 44 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,766 Good. But how I'm going to get exercise? 45 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:22,536 Hey, hey, hey. You want exercise? 46 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,739 I got 50 cases of motor oil in the stockroom. 47 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,708 Why don't you work out on those? 48 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,513 And you say he doesn't care about me. 49 00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:47,795 May I help you? 50 00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:52,132 Well, I'm Balki Bartokomous'... Cousin. 51 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,701 Larry Appleton. 52 00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,305 I sold Balki a membership to the Perfect Body Health Club. 53 00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:00,207 He was so excited, he forgot to sign the application. 54 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:01,509 Oh, you're with Perfect Body? 55 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,110 Part 56 00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:05,713 Uh, me? Uh, no. 57 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:11,184 But I was thinking of joining a health club again. 58 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,355 Well, Reuben's Perfect Body is the place. I can see that. 59 00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:16,524 I mean, I would hope so. 60 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,861 Jennifer. That was quick. 61 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,130 I didn't even call you yet. What do you mean? 62 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,933 Well, what he means is, he was gonna call you, uh... 63 00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,602 To tell you that I wanted to join the club with him. 64 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:32,406 No, cousin, you said-- Balki, I think you better let me explain this. 65 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:37,277 Balki. Excuse me. This river-- 66 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:38,346 We'll be right back. 67 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:42,550 What are you trying to do? 68 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,653 You can't. I am in love with her. 69 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,792 Did I miss something? 70 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:54,294 I think we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. 71 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:56,897 Not you and me. 72 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,670 But, did you ask her out? 73 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,740 You can take the boy out of Mypos... 74 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:11,011 Women like this are only interested in jocks. 75 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:14,915 I can't just ask her out. I have to deceive her first. 76 00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:19,252 Uh, excuse me, guys, but I have to get back to work. 77 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:24,458 Could you sign this? 78 00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,394 Well, I guess I could. 79 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:29,830 I'll have to skip my 15-mile run. 80 00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:32,733 Good. Well, I'll see you both tomorrow morning. 81 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,602 Okay. Thanks. 82 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,236 Bye. Bye-bye. 83 00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:37,838 Bye, Jennifer. 84 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:43,911 You run 15 miles every day? 85 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:49,583 What do you do, get up real early before I'm awake? 86 00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,385 Yes. 87 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,649 So many women. 88 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,951 So little body fat. 89 00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:28,021 All right, look. Here are the ground rules. 90 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,225 I saw her first. 91 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,994 But I lusted after her first. 92 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,396 This is America. Learn the customs. 93 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:41,234 I never heard of that custom. It's new. Come on. 94 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:44,605 All right. Now, I'm gonna hit the weights. 95 00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,576 Watch and learn. 96 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,519 You know, there's a lot of weight on there. 97 00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:00,087 You probably wanna lower it. 98 00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,289 Nah. 99 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,558 No pain, no gain. 100 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:21,008 That other man must have been doing it wrong. 101 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,781 That's right. Now, help me down. 102 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:40,728 This is fun. 103 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,630 Don't. Just get me down. 104 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,466 Hi, guys. 105 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,503 Hi. Hi. 106 00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,547 I'm about to start an advanced aerobics class, 107 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:02,082 but there's a beginning one going on in five minutes. 108 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,885 Well, uh, Jennifer, I think we can handle the advanced class. 109 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,554 INSTRUCTOR: Okay, let's all start off 110 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:10,658 by doing a little jogging in place. 111 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,593 Jog, two, three, four... 112 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:19,166 ...six, seven, eight, jog, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 113 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,467 Jog, two, three, four... 114 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,302 This is an advanced class? 115 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,104 It's a joke. 116 00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,375 So, uh, Jennifer, 117 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,678 you're not going with anyone, are you? INSTRUCTOR: And arms. 118 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:37,250 Hi. I'm Mary Ann. I'm a Sagittarius. 119 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,357 Do you want to go out with me? 120 00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:46,660 I'd love to. 121 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:50,297 I think I just reaped a cardiovascular benefit. 122 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,750 You guys look tired. 123 00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,585 Tired 124 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:14,755 Jennifer, tired is a state of mind. 125 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,793 And my mind is oatmeal. 126 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:23,664 Cousin? Huh? 127 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:26,233 We have been here four hours. 128 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,268 Are you going to ask her out or what? 129 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,470 I'm going to. I'm going to. 130 00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:32,640 I'm not here for my health, you know? 131 00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:37,645 I just haven't found the right moment yet. 132 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,179 Well, we had a lot of spare moments 133 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,750 during that 400 sit-ups we had to do. 134 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:45,352 I feel like I gave birth to an ox. 135 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:51,258 Well... Well, I can't ask her now. I'm... 136 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:52,760 I'm all sweaty. 137 00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,131 One... 138 00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:00,634 Two... 139 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:05,272 68, 69... 140 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:15,749 I want you to know, in Mypos, we have a saying. 141 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:25,793 It says, "He who hesitates sleeps with the goats." 142 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:31,198 I thought you all slept with the goats. 143 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,435 We do. 144 00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:39,172 And this goat sleeper just asked Jennifer if she'd go out with you. 145 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,641 You 146 00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:47,214 I am going to deport you in pieces. 147 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,853 Help me unbuckle this. I don't think so. 148 00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:08,568 What? 149 00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,470 You scheming, girl-poaching-- 150 00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,940 She said yes. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. 151 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:28,155 Never knew a workout could make you feel so... 152 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:32,926 I feel... 153 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:34,928 Massive! 154 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,132 I feel pumped up. 155 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:43,003 I am Conehead the Barbarian. 156 00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:48,275 Well, nothing like a tough workout to make you feel alive. 157 00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:55,515 So you thought the workout was tough, huh? 158 00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,384 Did I say tough? 159 00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,586 I meant challenging. 160 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:03,290 In fact, I found myself wanting it to be more challenging. 161 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,192 Didn't you? Oh, yes. 162 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,961 You're not tired, are you? Oh, no. 163 00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:20,240 You know, Balki, in six hours, two women-- 164 00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:21,875 Let me amend that. 165 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:28,015 Two gorgeous women are coming to this apartment. 166 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,482 You know what that means, don't you? 167 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:49,502 What are we talking about? 168 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,375 Okay. Balki, for your benefit... 169 00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:59,746 I think we should identify our objective. 170 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:02,215 Is this where you talk down to me? Yes. 171 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,886 Now, here's the plan. 172 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:12,960 What we are trying to achieve is physical contact. 173 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:17,197 Now, how do we achieve physical contact? 174 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,366 Begging? 175 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,433 Oh. 176 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,011 Dancing. 177 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:33,713 Cousin Larry, you are a genius! 178 00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:38,418 We'll dance, we'll eat, we'll drink with visitors. 179 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:43,924 But first, we'll rest. 180 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:56,469 Neither am I. 181 00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:03,676 We better stockpile some right now. 182 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,178 Well, if we have to. 183 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,380 Hey, this is no fun for me, either. 184 00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:11,084 I just hate sitting around like a bump on a frog. 185 00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:16,423 And if we can't sleep, we'll go for a run. 186 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,170 Ow. 187 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:32,572 Ow. 188 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:37,044 Oh, my gosh. What time is it? 189 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:38,611 Ow. 190 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:40,981 Ow. 191 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,217 Ow... 192 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:47,120 Oh! Oh! Oh! It's almost 8:00. 193 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,822 Balki. Oh. Balki. 194 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,026 We overslept and died. 195 00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:58,265 Balki. 196 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,346 A little sore? 197 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:18,885 I think we overdid the workout a little. 198 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,554 Or you threw me out the window. 199 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,558 Balki, it's almost 8:00. 200 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,594 The girls are gonna be here any minute. 201 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,488 Ow. 202 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,858 I have to call and cancel the date. 203 00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:00,260 Are you crazy? 204 00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:02,362 No, are you? 205 00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:08,568 Where are you going? 206 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,137 Oh, no, you're not. 207 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,271 Oh, yes, I am. 208 00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:13,140 Oh, no, you're not. 209 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,164 No, you don't. 210 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,202 Ow! Ow! Ow! 211 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:48,208 It's too late. They're here. 212 00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,380 I'll tell them to come back in a month. 213 00:16:57,184 --> 00:17:00,787 If they find out we're this sore after one workout, 214 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,789 they'll drop us like that. 215 00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:07,160 Ow. 216 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,269 Yes, please. 217 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:19,106 I want Jennifer. 218 00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,175 Okay. 219 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,193 Help me open the door. 220 00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:46,433 All right. You get the top, you get the top, you get the top. 221 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,937 Turn, turn. 222 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:54,207 Open, open. Hi, hi, hello. 223 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:57,009 Hello. Come on in. Hi. 224 00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:07,787 Why is it so dark in here? 225 00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:09,522 Okay, Balki, come on. 226 00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,107 You guys are walking funny. Are you sore from your workout? 227 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,776 Yes-- Oh, of course not. 228 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,278 Not at all. 229 00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,813 So, uh, why don't we just sit down 230 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,649 and talk and get to know one another? 231 00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,027 Karate. 232 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:51,731 Karate yells. We're into, uh, many, many sports. 233 00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:54,567 We have wine and cheese. 234 00:18:54,634 --> 00:19:01,241 Oh! Well, why don't we... 235 00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:02,575 I'm starving. 236 00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:09,482 Well, uh, Balki, why don't you go get it? 237 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:11,584 You brought it up. 238 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,690 Why don't you help me go get it? 239 00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,330 Excuse us. 240 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:31,438 You guys do everything together, don't you? 241 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,679 JENNIFER: Need any help? Yes-- 242 00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:42,282 No, no, no! No, of course not. 243 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,319 You just, uh, make yourselves comfortable. 244 00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:51,591 LARRY: All right, all right, Balki. 245 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:53,893 You get the cheese. I'll get the wine. 246 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,469 Ow. Ow. 247 00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,217 Out of cheese. 248 00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,255 Help me open the wine. 249 00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:36,269 Where's Larry? 250 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,705 Oh, he's... 251 00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:39,839 On the floor. 252 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:55,988 Doing sit-ups. 253 00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,790 We have wine and... 254 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,793 No glasses. 255 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,898 Oh, here we go, here are some glasses. 256 00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:07,199 Here we go. 257 00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:17,877 Wine? 258 00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:20,680 We don't drink. 259 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,285 Hey, why don't we dance? 260 00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:30,857 We can dance. No, we can't. 261 00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:33,893 Yes, we can. No, we can't. 262 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,562 We can dance. We can dance. No! 263 00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:37,464 We will dance. No dance. 264 00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:39,466 You're not gonna fight over this, are you? 265 00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:42,068 Fight? We can hardly move. 266 00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:45,472 I have a confession to make. 267 00:21:45,538 --> 00:21:48,675 We are not the jerks you thought we were. Jocks. 268 00:21:52,879 --> 00:21:55,548 Well, we figured the way you guys overdid it this morning, 269 00:21:55,615 --> 00:22:03,956 you'd be pretty sore. 270 00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:06,726 Well, we were worried that if you thought-- 271 00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:08,461 You didn't think just because we work out, 272 00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:09,629 we're only interested in hunks? 273 00:22:09,696 --> 00:22:11,898 Well, yes. 274 00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:15,435 We did. 275 00:22:16,403 --> 00:22:18,004 Yeah, well, uh, I did. 276 00:22:21,908 --> 00:22:23,443 and I'm slime. 277 00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:29,816 And I guess you'll probably want to leave now. 278 00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:39,526 I'm sorry. 279 00:22:39,592 --> 00:22:41,794 Well, maybe we'll stay. 280 00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:43,430 As long as you've learned your lesson. 281 00:22:43,496 --> 00:22:47,834 Oh, yes, I have. I have, I have. 282 00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:51,704 Tell you what. Why don't you guys sit down? 283 00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:53,740 We'll go get the cheese out of the trash. 284 00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:06,018 BALKI: Good night. LARRY: Bye-bye. 285 00:23:09,622 --> 00:23:11,958 Now, you see, those were two nice ladies. 286 00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:15,495 They were not just interested in our semi-hard bodies. 287 00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:23,235 Yeah. 288 00:23:23,302 --> 00:23:25,738 Oh, I don't know. 289 00:23:25,805 --> 00:23:27,607 I guess it's because in high school, 290 00:23:27,674 --> 00:23:32,512 the cheerleaders always dated the jocks instead of guys like me. 291 00:23:32,579 --> 00:23:35,548 I mean, the girls in the Latin Club were fine. 292 00:23:38,184 --> 00:23:42,789 But just once, I wanted a cheerleader. 293 00:23:42,855 --> 00:23:46,425 I mean, I really wanted a cheerleader. 294 00:23:46,493 --> 00:23:51,664 I mean, I really wanted a cheerleader. 295 00:23:51,731 --> 00:23:54,967 Cousin, calm down, you're going to hurt yourself. 296 00:23:58,070 --> 00:24:00,406 Well, what do you wanna do now? 297 00:24:00,473 --> 00:24:02,675 Well, we could watch TV. 298 00:24:02,742 --> 00:24:04,443 Who's gonna turn it on? 299 00:24:06,713 --> 00:24:09,682 Stereo is way over there. 300 00:24:11,818 --> 00:24:13,219 We could go to sleep. 301 00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:15,221 Good night. 302 00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:27,900 BOTH: Ow. 21026

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