Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:05,104
So, you guys have a big
anniversary coming up, huh?
2
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,373
Yup. 20 years.
3
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,074
20 years with Don.
Yeah.
4
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:11,377
That is hard time.
5
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:12,511
You know, you might want
6
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:13,644
to get her something
more romantic
7
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:16,648
than last year's
Chipotle gift card.
8
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:19,218
It was $19--
a dollar a year.
9
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:22,354
It's not about
how much he spends on me.
10
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,689
That's my girl.
11
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,157
It's about finding a gift
that's thoughtful,
12
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,792
meaningful, that shows
how well he knows me.
13
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:30,029
Oh, so you want disappointment
for your anniversary.
14
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:31,730
Hey.
15
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,665
Mom, can we go
to the mall tomorrow?
16
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,701
I found the perfect outfit
for Saturday night.
17
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,336
Oh, what's, uh...
what's Saturday night?
18
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:38,103
My first date.
19
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:40,606
What?
20
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,441
Um, actually, honey,
21
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:45,277
I-I haven't really discussed
that with your dad, yet.
22
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:48,247
Oh.
23
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,416
Just remember, Daddy,
you're my hero.
24
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,119
Buckle up, baby.
25
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,755
Katie has a date Saturday night?
26
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,191
When were you planning
on telling me about this?
27
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,593
Sunday morning.
28
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:05,531
We agreed she was not gonna date
until she's 35.
29
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:09,802
No, you just said that one day
after we watched Teen Mom.
30
00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:11,837
She's almost 14.
Most of her friends
31
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:13,472
have been dating for months.
32
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:14,840
This is when it starts.
33
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,775
I was 13
when I first went out with Don.
34
00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:18,110
Mm-hmm.
You hear that?
35
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:20,779
Marcy could have been somebody.
36
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:24,183
Come on, it's not like I'm
making her a child bride.
37
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:28,353
She's just going out with that
nice boy from her class-- Royce.
38
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:33,092
Royce? Royce-- with all the hair
and the wallet on a chain?
39
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:36,662
What's a 13-year-old kid
need a wallet for anyway?
40
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:37,463
Condoms.
41
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:39,164
Don!
42
00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:40,732
No, he's right.
43
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,134
You know, I've seen
that Royce kid around.
44
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,669
He's a player.
45
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,137
And you know this because?
46
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:47,539
Andi. Who are you talking to?
47
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,841
Huh?
48
00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:50,776
I was 14 once.
I know the game.
49
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,178
Right? You give the gals
a little bit of this,
50
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,114
a little bit of that,
51
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,815
and all the red lights
turn green!
52
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:59,251
Oh, my God.
53
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,886
Trust me.
54
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,322
I can spot my own kind.
55
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,424
Yeah, we players know players.
Mm-hmm.
56
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,893
Well, look, you're being
protective, all right?
57
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,462
And-and I love that about you,
but we both know
58
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,831
that you are not gonna like
anyone she dates.
59
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,666
No. No, that's not it.
60
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:17,569
My instincts are telling me
that this kid is no good.
61
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,171
And I don't want Katie
dating him.
62
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:20,806
Okay, well, I already
told her that she could.
63
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,308
If it makes you feel
any better, I-I can...
64
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:26,612
I can do a little of this. Huh?
65
00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,881
And a little bit of that.
66
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,259
That's not how you do it.
67
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,896
Okay, and you can't just
make a unilateral decision.
68
00:02:43,898 --> 00:02:46,498
We discuss things
in this family.
69
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:50,269
Well, yes, usually, but, you
know, I knew you'd say no,
70
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,371
and then, I'd veto your no,
so then I just thought, hey,
71
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:55,841
why not
just cut out the middle man?
72
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,277
Okay, well, first of all
73
00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,678
I'm not the middle man.
74
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,413
Okay?
75
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,182
I am the man.
76
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:05,918
And second of all,
if you're going to unilaterally
77
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,754
decide she can go, then
I'm going to unilaterally
78
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:09,888
decide that your decision
79
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,791
is caca.
80
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,526
Oh, don't you remember
Romeo and Juliet?
81
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,895
If you don't give your daughter
the freedom to date
82
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,931
who she wants,
it does not end well.
83
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:21,533
Oh. Well, don't you remember
those Taken movies?
84
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,702
That's what happens when
you give your daughter freedom.
85
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:27,272
Taken, Andi. One, two,
three times they get taken.
86
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,947
¶ ¶
87
00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:45,757
Mwah. Okay, bye, guys.
In you go.
88
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,659
Bye, Daddy.
Bye, Dad.
Bye-bye.
89
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,428
Hey, Royce.
90
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,729
What's up, girl?
91
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,833
You see that?
He called her "girl."
92
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,668
She has a name, Royce!
93
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:59,504
Yeah, it's Kate.
Sometimes Katie.
94
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:02,307
Ah, guys like that
never listen to me.
Yeah.
95
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,676
Hey, uh, Mrs. Rodriguez?
Mm?
96
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,011
Um, what do you know
about that kid Royce
97
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,813
that's always hanging around
Katie?
98
00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:08,880
Oh, he's one of my favorites.
99
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,232
He's an honor roll student,
100
00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:11,583
started his own
dog-walking company,
101
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,518
even works weekends at the mall.
102
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,721
Oh, I see, huh?
He charmed you, too, huh?
103
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,990
What'd he do, give you
a little bit of this
104
00:04:17,992 --> 00:04:19,825
little bit of that?
105
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,293
Stop that.
What is that?
106
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:25,364
There's children here,
for God sakes.
107
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,366
I'm telling you, I have got
108
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,668
a gut feeling that this kid is
no good. I just need proof.
109
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,987
So what's the plan, chief?
110
00:04:31,988 --> 00:04:34,305
Well, first, keep calling
me "chief." I like that.
111
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:35,707
Ooh, okay.
112
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,609
These kids put everything
they do on the Internet.
113
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,045
Maybe we can find
something on him there.
Oh, I'm your man.
114
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,614
If there is dirty laundry about
Royce online, I'll find it.
115
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:46,451
I'm like Russia, but with
the easy grace of France.
Oh.
116
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,854
Well, I'm like America,
so let's go get a burger
117
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:52,557
and stick our noses
where they don't belong.
118
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:54,459
Okay.
119
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:58,030
I managed to uncover
Royce's public Instagram page.
120
00:04:58,032 --> 00:05:00,766
Lowell, I could
have done that.
121
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:03,635
But then we wouldn't be
on this buddy adventure.
122
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,339
Oh, look at this.
123
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,374
Every picture,
he's with a different girl.
124
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:12,511
I knew Royce was a dog.
I got to show this to Andi.
125
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,613
Oh, that's my comput...
Okay, it's fine!
126
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:27,059
You know, I just realized
we've never been alone together.
127
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:29,861
You're an odd bird, aren't you?
128
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:33,031
I have feelings, if that's
what you're getting at.
129
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:37,669
Great, because I have a question
for somebody who has feelings.
130
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,605
My anniversary is coming up, and
I have a gift in mind for Marcy.
131
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:41,840
Let me run it by you.
132
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,575
Oh, I'm great at finding
the perfect gift.
133
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:44,543
Hit me with it.
134
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,511
A dirt bike.
135
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,014
Why would you get Marcy
a dirt bike?
136
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:52,451
Ah. Because secretly,
I want a dirt bike.
137
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,353
Do you see where I'm going
with this?
138
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:55,754
Uh-huh, uh huh.
Ah?
139
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:59,758
Yeah, uh, may I suggest jewelry?
140
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,426
I don't wear much jewelry.
141
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:02,794
For Marcy!
142
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,963
Oh.
Let-Let's think about her.
143
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,665
What does Marcy mean to you?
144
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:09,634
She's the mother of my son
and the love of my life.
145
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:11,770
Good! And when you
think of her, you feel?
146
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,572
Guilty.
147
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,674
Something nice.
148
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:17,376
Horny?
149
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:18,643
Dear God.
150
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,078
What other feelings are there?
151
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,749
Nope. That's all of them.
152
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:26,952
Whose computer is this?
153
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,654
Will you pay attention?
154
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:32,557
Okay, look at Royce's Instagram.
155
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,793
Royce, girl.
Royce, two girls.
156
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:37,996
Royce between two
half-naked girls.
157
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:41,032
They're on a beach.
158
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,969
Read the hashtags.
#SavingaBeachedWhale.
159
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:46,705
#SavingTheWorld.
#Peace.
160
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,107
What a weirdo!
161
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,709
Adam, you're grasping
at straws now.
162
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:52,744
I'm telling you,
163
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,147
I have looked in this kid's
eyes, and they are black,
164
00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:57,682
like a shark looking for dinner.
165
00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,752
And Katie's just
like some cute seal
166
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,954
flopping around on the beach.
with her mom telling her,
167
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:06,024
"Go out in the water.
Play, yeah."
168
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,926
He is gonna break her heart,
169
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,762
and I'm not gonna sit back
and watch it happen.
170
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,130
Okay but you can't
just go out on your own
171
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,466
and start cyber-stalking
a 13-year-old.
172
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,501
Oh, really?
173
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:19,104
It sounds to me like you wish
we had discussed it first.
174
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,205
Yeah.
175
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:21,506
Well, I knew you'd say no,
176
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,442
and then I'd veto your no,
177
00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:25,510
so I thought, hey,
why not cut out the middle man?
178
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:26,745
Yeah, it doesn't
feel good, does it?
179
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:30,482
Okay, first of all,
I am not the middle man.
180
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,850
I'm the wife.
181
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,785
Which means I can stay mad
182
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,520
a lot longer than you can.
183
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,757
And I have made
the unilateral decision
184
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,926
that, mm,
you need to stay out of this.
185
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,661
Well, then, I just made
the unilateral decision
186
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,796
that I'm not gonna do
what you say.
187
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,731
Yes, you will.
188
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:51,470
Whose computer is this?
189
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:52,804
Okay.
190
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,806
Royce should be here
any minute.
191
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,675
Mrs. Rodriguez told me
he had a dog-walking company,
192
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:59,244
so I booked an appointment
online to get him to come over.
193
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:00,645
You know, scare him a little,
194
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,814
show him the kind of dad
he'll be dealing with.
195
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,683
Didn't Andi say
to stay out of it?
196
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,218
Yeah, well, she's not in charge.
197
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:08,053
And more importantly,
she's not here.
198
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,789
All right,
what do you want me to do?
199
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,257
Just back me up, all right?
200
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,593
Oh, you want me
to be the goon, huh?
201
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,195
Don't worry. I know what to do.
202
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,764
I'm not even allowed
in Chuck E. Cheese anymore.
203
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,602
Oh, here, here, here.
204
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,604
Good morning,
Mr. Burns.
Royce.
205
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,573
Thanks for calling me.
You won't be sorry.
206
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:31,710
When you book me,
you'll be a 100% satisfied.
207
00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:37,015
"Make the right choice.
Call Royce."
208
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,584
Is that what you tell
all the girls?
209
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:40,785
What?
210
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:41,853
Did he stutter?!
211
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:46,758
Look, I actually
called you over here
212
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,761
for a confidential
conversation, man-to-man.
213
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,731
Nothing we talk about
can get back to Katie.
214
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,267
All right? You know my wife,
you know my daughter.
215
00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:58,069
Now it's time for you
to get to know me.
216
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:02,641
For instance, one of my hobbies
is I like to take walks
217
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,010
in the woods and
bury things in holes.
218
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,581
Sometimes I
take one thing,
219
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:12,851
cut it up, and bury it
in different holes.
220
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,787
Depends on my mood.
221
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:18,056
He's moody!
222
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,564
I guess what I really
wanted you to know is Katie
223
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:30,201
is my little girl,
so you date Katie, you date me.
224
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:34,706
You upset Katie,
you upset me.
225
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,342
Okay? Now a lot of parents
these days are hands off,
226
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:41,580
but me-- I'm more hands on.
227
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,348
You see what I'm saying?
228
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,083
He touches kids!
229
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:52,757
I think that went pretty well
with Royce this morning.
230
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,359
Yeah.
231
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:57,896
There was a few hiccups
on your end, but...
232
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,197
I think we guaranteed
233
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:02,133
that Royce will be a perfect
gentleman on their date.
234
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,739
What's wrong with her?
235
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,007
Royce cancelled their date.
236
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,342
What?
237
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:13,178
Uh, did he happen
to mention why?
238
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,213
No. No, he just,
he-he texted her
239
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,248
and didn't explain anything.
240
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,751
Oh, that's good.
241
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,786
I mean, the why
isn't really important.
242
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,922
What's important is that
we establish who's to blame,
243
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:26,024
and that is Royce.
244
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,959
Well, I am gonna call
Royce's mom,
245
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,795
and we are gonna get
to the bottom of this.
What? No, no, no, no.
246
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,365
You don't need to get
to the bottom of it.
247
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:36,301
Let's stay at the top.
It's nice at the top, huh?
248
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:39,938
The penthouse of life--
that's where we live.
249
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,741
What?
Well, I'm just saying,
you're right.
250
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:44,409
In fact, you're
always right.
251
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:48,647
From now on, we should
do whatever you say.
252
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:54,819
What did you do?
253
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,322
Let me tell her, please.
Let me be the one to tell her.
254
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,898
So you scared Royce
into cancelling their date?
255
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,267
I scared Royce.
256
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,835
And he cancelled their date.
257
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,338
You can't prove the connection.
258
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,739
Okay, well, good job, Adam,
259
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,408
because your daughter
is heartbroken.
260
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:19,711
You did the exact thing to her
that you said Royce would do.
261
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,413
Yeah, but she thinks he did it.
262
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:26,184
So I say now we do your thing
and just stay out of it.
263
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,285
Okay?
264
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,720
I mean, we don't want
265
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:31,156
to Romeo and Juliet this sucker.
266
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:32,824
No, Adam, she blames herself.
267
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,793
She thinks there's
something wrong with her.
268
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,127
She doesn't know
that really
269
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,730
there's just something
very, very wrong with you.
270
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,299
But I'm her hero.
271
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,934
Maybe you should take the rap
on this one.
272
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,737
I'm going, I'm going.
273
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,709
Hey, Katie.
274
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,950
Look, honey, I know you think
this whole thing is your fault,
275
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:00,719
but it isn't.
276
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,287
The truth is...
277
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:11,429
The truth is, it's my...
feeling that it's Royce's fault.
278
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:14,799
I mean, between saving
whales, walking dogs,
279
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,202
he takes a selfie
every four seconds--
280
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,838
he's just too into himself.
281
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,040
How do you know
all that stuff about Royce?
282
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,808
Uh...
283
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,877
uh, that's a good question.
284
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,279
I did not see that coming. Uh...
285
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:31,783
What did you do?
286
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,885
You know,
you are really starting
287
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,954
to remind me of your mother.
288
00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:38,256
How'd it go?
289
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,758
Not good.
290
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,760
And now she knows
it's my fault.
291
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:43,928
I blew it.
You know, from now on,
292
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,930
you should just make
all the decisions.
293
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,465
Wait.
294
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,533
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
295
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,802
Say that into my phone.
Oh, come on.
296
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,838
Come on.
How are we gonna fix this?
297
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,440
: Well...
298
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,175
it's simple.
299
00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:00,779
We are gonna make the
decision, together...
300
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:03,014
to go down to
the mall and...
301
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:04,949
bag a teenage boy
to date our daughter.
302
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:07,485
Fine, I'll do it.
303
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,187
But I still think he's a player.
304
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,422
He's not a player.
And I have news for you,
305
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:14,192
you are not a player anymore,
either-- you are a dad.
306
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:17,562
You take that back!
Oh, come on.
307
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:20,498
Take it back.
Take it back.
No. No.
308
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,033
I'm a player.
309
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,334
Okay.
310
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,871
What's in here?
311
00:13:26,873 --> 00:13:28,273
Okay, this is Marcy's
favorite room.
312
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,208
I'm only allowed in here
on special occasions,
313
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,810
or after a bath.
314
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,578
But these are
her most precious things.
315
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,547
If I'm gonna help you find
the perfect gift,
316
00:13:35,549 --> 00:13:37,348
I need to understand
what makes Marcy tick.
317
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,285
Oh, well, that's easy--
it's Chardonnay and revenge.
318
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,586
Oh, I love those plates.
319
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:43,555
Whoa, whoa, we shouldn't
be on the carpet.
320
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:45,390
We have to leave this place
exactly as it was.
321
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:46,825
Marcy will see those footprints.
322
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:49,861
I came up with
this technique
323
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:52,263
to get to the M&M's
she keeps in here.
324
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:53,898
Careful.
325
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,366
Careful. No touching,
no touching.
326
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,901
Hey, I recognize these.
327
00:13:56,903 --> 00:13:59,270
These are Criscioni
commemorative plates.
328
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:01,973
There's one for each month,
and she's missing December.
329
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,241
She'll love it!
330
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,943
And I only have to buy
one plate.
331
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,878
So I'll have enough
for a dirt bike.
332
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,014
Okay, okay, she'll know
333
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,883
if it's a little off.
334
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:22,927
Oh.
335
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,872
Hey, sport.
336
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,607
I'm friends with the mall cop.
337
00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:37,942
Come on. Relax, Royce.
338
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:40,578
What I said this morning
was wrong.
339
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:41,579
I should have just
340
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:42,881
stayed out of it.
341
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,182
And I probably would have
342
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,617
if you didn't have
such ridiculous hair.
343
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:47,385
Do you even have a mirror
at home?
Oh, Adam.
344
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,519
What? What?
Adam...
345
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,221
Stay focused.
346
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,923
Okay.
347
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:58,897
Bottom line, Katie likes you
and you like her,
348
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,099
so...
349
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,334
please take her out.
350
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,403
But you threatened
to bury me in the woods.
351
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,905
You did what?
352
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,173
He's paraphrasing.
353
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,675
That's why
I cancelled.
354
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:13,611
I would never come between
a father and a daughter.
355
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,514
Oh, God,
this kid is great.
356
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,283
Are you buying this crap?
He's playing you.
357
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,417
Stop playing us.
Adam!
358
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,318
No.
359
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,186
No. No. I know who you are.
360
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:23,922
Okay? I was a player, too.
361
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,957
And still am.
362
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,425
Okay?
Okay.
363
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,960
But I've been outvoted.
364
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,595
So here's what's
gonna happen.
365
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,997
You are gonna date my daughter,
whether you like it or not.
366
00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:35,099
'Cause I know where you live,
I know where you work,
367
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,435
I will dig a deep hole,
and I'll...
Okay, okay,
368
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,203
okay, that's it,
that's enough, that's enough.
369
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:40,204
Now...
370
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:41,940
okay, what...
371
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:44,175
Adam is trying to say is...
372
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,210
we're just... we're really
impressed
373
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:48,613
by how mature and-and
caring you are.
374
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:51,015
Wrong.
375
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:53,685
We just think you're
an incredibly nice kid.
376
00:15:53,687 --> 00:15:55,553
Doubt it.
377
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,323
And we would be thrilled
if you dated Katie.
378
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,525
Adam!
379
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,593
I'm gonna make you
wait in the car.
380
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:09,067
So just, don't let us
spoil this for you.
381
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:12,971
You know? So... what do you say?
382
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,372
Okay, we'll go on the date.
383
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:15,606
Oh, great!
384
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,642
Surprise!
Hi. I'm Daphne.
385
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,310
Royce's girlfriend.
386
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,545
You must be his
grandparents.
387
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:23,014
I've heard a lot about you.
388
00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,651
Excuse me?
389
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,454
: I said,
I've heard a lot about you.
390
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:33,424
How dare you try to
date our daughter
391
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,326
when you have a girlfriend!
392
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,662
Wait, you asked
another girl out?
393
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:38,997
I'm out of here.
394
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,471
Listen to me, you...
395
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,639
poofy-haired little rat.
396
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,776
Get him, babe.
397
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:54,746
I know where you live,
and I know where you work,
398
00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:57,248
and if you ever come
near our daughter again,
399
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,282
I will come
400
00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:00,118
to the end of your rainbow
401
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,086
and I will kick you
right in the tots.
402
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:05,156
A little free advice:
403
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:07,191
never be afraid
of the crazy one,
404
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,428
be afraid of the one
the crazy one's afraid of.
405
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,609
:
Whew!
406
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,577
You know what?
Hmm?
407
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,046
That was fun.
408
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,047
:
Yeah.
409
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,581
I like doing stuff with you.
410
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,350
Me, too.
411
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,218
You're a way better goon
than Don.
412
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,787
Aw.
413
00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:37,221
Mwah.
414
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,623
And, uh...
415
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,191
I have to admit,
416
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,760
you were right about Royce.
417
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:45,129
Oh, wait, wait,
say that into my phone. Wait.
418
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:49,067
You're guys not
going to believe it.
419
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:51,369
Royce was dating some girl
from another school,
420
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,104
and now she's blasting him
all over Instagram.
421
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,138
It's epic.
422
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:57,141
Yeah, we did that.
423
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:58,843
What?
Yeah, yeah, we went
down to the mall
424
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,478
to talk to Royce
about your date.
425
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,413
Mm-hmm, yeah, and that's
when we met Daphne.
426
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,748
Oh, my God!
427
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:04,849
I can't believe
you guys would do that.
428
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:07,185
That's-that's my personal life.
429
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:08,219
Oh, Katie,
you're right,
430
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,821
we didn't respect
your boundaries.
431
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:12,156
And we never will.
432
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:14,859
Yeah, it turns out
that the lesson
433
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,194
from Romeo and Juliet is that
434
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:18,463
the parents just
weren't strict enough.
435
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,331
This is the worst apology ever.
436
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,866
Oh, no, no,
it's not an apology.
437
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,835
No, no, it's a warning
to any future boy
438
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:26,637
that tries to date you.
439
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,706
We're gonna cyber-stalk them,
and interrogate them.
440
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,641
Yeah, and let them know
that, if they date you,
441
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:32,677
we'll be watching.
442
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,479
But if you do that,
no one will ever want to.
443
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:37,181
Then we'll have done our job.
444
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:45,823
Oh.
445
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:48,259
Mwah.
446
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:51,762
You know, s-she'll make us
pay for this when we're old.
447
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,231
Yeah.
448
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,599
When the time comes,
449
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,734
that one is gonna be
quick to pull the plug.
450
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:06,811
I can't believe Marcy got you a
dirt bike for your anniversary.
451
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,779
And that she can
bring it in here,
452
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,681
but I had to leave my beer
in the hall.
453
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,551
It was the perfect place
to hide it last night
454
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:16,487
because I knew Don wouldn't
dare come in this room.
455
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,589
If you got Marcy another
fast food gift card,
456
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,725
I suggest you ride off
on this thing right now.
457
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,793
Oh, no, no,
I love my girl.
458
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:25,763
She's getting something
very special.
459
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,732
Here you go, baby.
Oh!
460
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,767
Hey, I thought
you broke those.
461
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,270
I had to buy a whole
new set. Cost a fortune.
462
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:35,273
You got me
my missing plate!
463
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:39,343
Honey, I never knew you
even noticed my Criscionis.
464
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,946
Oh, baby, I love
your crispy ponies.
Oh.
465
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,781
Okay.
466
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,249
Aw.
467
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:48,619
Now my collection
is complete.
468
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:49,854
Okay, I can't wait anymore,
469
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,422
I got to take this girl
for a spin.
470
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,258
No!
471
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:02,567
Uh... so does this mean I can
bring my beer in here now?
33728
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
