Original subtitles

Honey, it doesn't bother you that we can't have children?

Not at all, dear.

Stop!

Miss Swansonova, you have to be two women in love!

Just imagine that you're in love with Mr. Clark.

Put your hand like this... Yes ... and let's try that again.

Excuse me. I'm sorry, but who changed the script?

This isn't about any poetry for us.

But look, we got the text from you, from the UN. I doubt that...

Look, she's supposed to say:

"It doesn't bother me dear, I'll shave first thing tomorrow."

I'm warning you, that I will not say that under any condition.

And as a member of the Federation of Women...

I'm going to maintain solidarity with the others.

We're not shaving out of protest.

Miss, please understand our position. Help us calm the community.

The strikes are growing, a lot people are divorcing...

But that's not our fault.

Who's to blame for the fact that we don't know why we're growing beards?

That's the fault of a group of nuclear fanatics with the G bomb.

- And when are you finally going to get rid of them?

- As soon as we find out where they hid themselves with the experiment.

We've built a very big research institute to counter...

...the effects of the fall out from the G bomb.

- Yeah, and? - And...

Excuse me, but we're having a demonstration.

We'd probably also be that nervous, if our cells went crazy like that.

...And today there was another big protest.

In spite of that, the group of nuclear fanatics

continues with its secret experiments.

One of them was detected today at 3:07 Greenwich mean time.

We ask, what will they measures they will adopt against...

Let's continue.

The fall out of the G Bomb, as we call the Grantov bomb now,

doesn't effect people lightly, but the opposite. Do you understand?

Here, I'll show you with a demonstration.

Shaving with my machine is built on completely new principles.

It is a deep shave.

As far as we know, the women started growing facial hair...

...uh, all at once and terribly quickly.

This is my little machine...

- How much? - Look at the computer.

Hm, 21,740...

The appearance of new hair lasts maybe

Maybe 2 days, maybe 3 days, maybe a year.

The operation is simple. Press... here.

You should know that...

It works.

- You said deep. - Deep.

- I'll order a toupee immediately. - No, Sneider, no toupee.

I'll keep it like this.

So that women can see that I'm also sacrificing.

It works...

A six million dollar investment...

...and this is the result.

And what good is it if women refuse to shave?

- What, you don't read the newspaper? - No.

- Out! - Out!

But it works.

Out!

Out!

Sneider!

Why doesn't our research, for all this money...

...try and eradicate the root of the problem?

The root of the problem is the beginning of modern physics, Mr. Secretary.

Professor Moore has already come to that conclusion about 6 months ago.

They wanted to go to the year 1911 in his time machine...

...and kill professor Einstein...

...on whose calculations the Grant group was built.

In that case, the progression of modern physics would go in a different direction.

If the basis hadn't existed, there wouldn't even be G radiation.

We simply wouldn't have what we have today.

If this experiment is successful,

Mr. Moore would eliminate the fanatics...

...and they will be out of sight where ever they may be.

Okay.

Tell them we want to finance Professor Moore's project.

This way, please.

Here you are.

The final step of modern physics.

The only of its kind.

The life work of Professor Moore.

15.30, at the technology conference with Einstein, that monster.

She had to think of a meeting with Einstein,

I'm going out to a dinner party at 1700... that's...

And at 1730 Wertheim the banker will go into his apartment and delay him.

- What will you have, Mr. Professor? - Oh? Chicken.

A whole one, or just half?

- Half is enough. - Here you are.

- Is it boiled or fried? - Fried.

There's nothing better than eating in peace.

Cleopatra! Come here, kitty.

You know you'll get some too. Don't worry.

- Professor Moore, get ready! - Right away!

I'll be right back. Just wait here. I just have to kill Mr. Einstein.

Those are the people who will become the guardians of humanity.

Dr. Gwen Williams, expert on the historical period between 1910 and 1915.

Pleased to meet you.

Professor Frank Pech.

Pleased to meet you.

Professor Moore, the inventor of the machine.

A wonderful project.

- Binoculars. - I forgot.

Somehow you look skeptical, your Excellence.

- But we know why we're doing this. - Yes.

With the help of the time machine and in this historical rocket, we'll go back...

...to the past, onto the stage of the Prague National Theater.

Take a look.

On the afternoon of May 26, 1911, Mares' "Conquest of the Moon" will be playing.

Arriving in Prague and leaving will be absolutely inconspicuous.

And why exactly in Prague?

According to the diary of the banker Wertheim from Prague I found out that

Professor Einstein almost lost his life in his apartment.

And we'll just slightly modify history in the year 1911.

We're just holding back a few seconds of fate.

Mr. Wertheim won't walk into the door...

...Professor Einstein won't stand up from the chair...

And the chandelier will kill him.

And that will be the least forced interference with history.

But excuse me!

- This project depends on murder. - Yes.

But a murder of someone who has been dead a long time, General.

- Get ready, please, get ready. - Frank!

Frank!

Is this a nice enough outfit for such a momentous occasion? What do you think?

And the other side.

My wife.

Secretary Giacometti.

We're not going to hold you. You obviously want to say goodbye.

Why are you being so secretive with this, not allowing any photography?

- What are you wearing? - This is...

Why aren't they writing about it in the newspapers?

It would be risky if something happened.

- Are you looking forward to it. - Yes, I have someone I know in Prague.

I'm going to see my father. Where is it? Wait...

Here, look. This is Dad.

Hold on!

Take this so I know you're thinking about me, too.

Ok, bye.

Bye, bye.

Bye bye.

It worked.

I KILLED EINSTEIN, GENTLEMEN

Translation/Subtitles by N. Hahn

Presented by SuperHappyFun

Jesus Christ!

Who put that there?

Has there been a change in the program?

Drag that rocket back.

Hurry up, you idiot!

Jesus Christ, who put that there?

Who's responsible?

Oh, I put it there? You're fired!

You're all fired!

You rascals!

For God's sake, something different is playing!

You are utterly inept as a historian!

It's probably your fault that we arrived in a different year!

- Shouldn't we go back? - Out of the question. We're getting out.

Pandemonium! Lower the curtain!

Who are you? I'll fine you! I'll fine you! Show your faces!

No!

Hurry up, hurry up! I'll fine you!

Come on to the stage!

Enter the scene!

A cat, for Christ's sake!

A cat, for Christ's sake!

Fine!

This way!

Excuse me, but we're not here for hats, are we?

See, in the historical record there wasn't even a mention of it.

So, I can't be held responsible.

- A change in the program? - Hey, there!

How may I help you?

Excuse me, but what is today's date?

- The 26th. - And what month is it?

- May, of course. - May.

- And don't be angry that I'm asking, but... - Excuse me.

- What year? - Never mind about that. He'll get over it.

That means in 3 years and 2 months World War I is going to break out.

Ciao.

- So this is Prague! - Now that's fresh air, isn't it?

- No cars... Take a deep breath. - What's so great about fresh air?

Hey, a horse!

- Really, a horse? - Hello, horse!

Hello, horse!

Gentlemen, this is idyllic. A complete paradise.

There are only birds flying in the sky.

What else would fly up there?

Uh, nothing, nothing... I was just saying...

Congratulations. Your time machine works fabulously.

I could do so many things here.

For instance, kill Adolf Hitler.

I bet he's just a room painter.

I'm sure.

I'm sure you'd appear like a saint.

Whoa!

One moment, please.

I'll be back right away.

Please get out and come with me. You are suspected of criminal intent...

...against a certain Adolf Hitler, room painter.

- I think they misunderstood us. - I beg your pardon, I'll explain.

Not a word. Get out!

No! Let's go.

Hold on and don't fall! Giddy up!

- Whoa! - Whoa!

I'd love to stay here forever.

Institute of Physics, time to get off.

Stop.

Stop.

What's going on?

- She can't control the horses? - That's what it looks like.

- Then I'll have to kill the horses. - No!

Stop!

You're going to have to jump. I don't know how to make them stop.

I just remembered. You say, "Whoa."

That's no use to us now.

- What a beautiful car. - What do you mean, car? What about that fresh air?

This is it.

This is where your victim works, gentlemen.

My Grandpa and Dad live on the ground floor.

Ow!

- That could be him. - Who?

Your father.

Excuse me, but that little...

Come here, little boy, come here!

Go to hell, old man.

Come here and I'll give you a lollipop.

A lollipop?

- What does your Dad do for a living? - He's a janitor.

And what's your name?

- Franta. - Pech!

It's him, it's him!

- Come here! - That's his father!

Dad!

What, is this old man going crazy?

Why don't you go somewhere and play, Dad, I mean Franta. How about that garden?

So, no one ever taught you how to behave yourself.

Please!

Ow! You little...

Watch out next time.

The violin was his hobby.

He's playing Mozart's sonata E mol. He's been studying it since the 17th of June

He was never able to play well. Watch out...

You see...

Is he deaf? There have been some deaf musicians.

- He's definitely deaf. - No, in the year 1911 he had tonsillitis.

- Maybe those are his calculations. - He has a mistake there.

Shush!

Professor Einstein?

Professor Moore,

Professor Pech.

Doctor Gwen Williams, physicists from Princeton.

Moore!

We're passing through Prague and we wanted to meet you.

And get to know the Prague intelligentsia, through you.

We heard that you're having a dinner party at the Werthiems' salon.

- Where? - At Wertheim's salon.

Isn't that true?

I don't know them.

I beg your pardon, what is that supposed to mean?

In his diary Mr. Wertheim clearly wrote...

- May I? - By all means.

Is this today's?

Yes, but actually, I can't allow you to read it, as I haven't read it yet.

But you have to come to that dinner party! You must know him!

- You can't do this to us! - Because it just wouldn't work!

I have to? You have strange mores in Princeton, gentlemen.

Then we can pack up.

- You're truly incapable. - In the diary, it said he was there.

- So, he has to go there. - What if that wasn't Einstein?

What if it was that Russian that other one, uh...

- Eisenstein. - Yeah.

- He's never been to Prague. - No? I wonder why.

What if that Wertheim was a nut and he made everything up?

- Are you a doctor? - Yes.

- Of history? - Yes.

Awful!

[Men's Room]

Damn, glasses.

Where could they be...

Geisler!

Have you been waiting long, Geisler?

I was taking care of something very important. Come on, let me show you.

- But... - Let her be.

All she thinks about is nonsense.

Always: "That's beautiful! That's wonderful!"

- Did I give you that pistol? - You did.

- But I don't know how to shoot. - Really? Neither can I.

That doesn't matter. Your dad shoots like a professional.

You can't be serious. He's just a boy.

Exactly. Since he's still young, he can't be punished.

Because of you I'm not going to have a murderer for a father.

- Do you want to have a wife with a beard? - God, no!

In that case you have to have a murder for a father!

- No, you pig! - Well...

What is it? Geisler, this is unfair.

You promised that you would come to the colloquium only wearing underwear.

Ah!

I hope you don't want grades for free!

Pig!

Future minister of education!

- (Einstein) Sir! - Pardon...

Am I interrupting anything?

My G string broke. You wouldn't have another, would you?

Could I speak with you for a moment?

Yes.

I should warn Miss Geisler to come in armor.

Guess where I have my index today, professor.

But...

Geisler!

The nerve!

Look. We explained everything to you. So, what's the problem?

Fine, but what are you going to give me?

One moment.

We'll... We'll give you a lollipop.

That's it? You think it's some kind of game to shoot a person?

- Fine. You get a... ca... an accordion. - Really?

Of course, an accordion.

- Come on, you're ruining my father! - In the interest of humanity!

You have strange imagination for an historian.

I don't believe that the Czech population could ever achieve independence.

For that matter, what is it our concern?

Where did you get the violin?

This is no special instrument.

But today I wouldn't even trade it for a Stradivarius.

Of course, a sincere relationship is always a matter of time.

If it is about wood, that's possible.

- And I'll get crayons! - Of course, but shoot!

If you don't shoot right now, you're going to get such a smack...

- Beating! - Beating!

I don't understand how such a stupid father could have you, with all due respect.

Excuse me! He's still just a child.

Sir...

Minister Wagner called.

He asks for you to come with me to a dinner party tonight at the Wertheims'.

And that you take that prodigy, that small calculator named Pech.

That lector just came. Do you want me to shoot him, too?

God, no. Hurry up. The cat is scratching me. Shoot!

Shoot!

Gentlemen, don't shake or I won't hit anything.

I don't understand how you could do that.

It's better to interfere with history than destroy humanity.

You'd rather make a murderer out of his father, than trust me.

Yes, but at the time it seemed like he wasn't going to go.

You shouldn't assume things. What are you so worried about?

Have your fortune told by our little Franco. Pull it out, Franco. Here it is.

It says I'm going to find a great love! I don't know about that.

We're going to have a daughter and live happily ever after.

Well, it's to bad it doesn't say what's going to happen there tonight.

I don't know of anything stupider in the world than these dinner parties.

If I were you I'd have left a long time ago.

- Tonight, it definitely ends early, right? - May I?

- Mainly for him... - Do you notice how chivalrous he is?

I bet you'd only know that word from the dictionary.

Galantry isn't the point of our visit.

I'm more interested in how that chandelier is going to fall on his head.

As far as I know, they don't fall sideways.

I wonder if he'll sit on the table.

Hans!

What is this?

I'm sorry. No, sit back down. I'm sorry that I am...

I can't give you more of my time right now because...

...today my new butler is putting in screws. Can you imagine!

I'm sure you don't have anything like this in America. Emilka! The chair...

My grandfather was an inventor whose specialty was secret passageways.

Why don't you put that on the ground?

No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please. Emilka!

That would be nice.

Do we still have some time?

Well, I'll just go over and talk to my dad.

Listen, Mr. Einstein said that you've got a good knack for math.

He's full of it.

I'm sorry, excuse me.

- What now? - I'll put the chair there.

Call down, you two! History will prevail.

What a nice boy. Come here.

Franz!

- Is it good? - Wonde... Wonderful.

Wonderful, wonderful.

What are you doing here? You don't belong here. I apologize.

No, it's fine.

You must behave yourself. Wait right here.

Honored guests...

Mr. Wagner was so good and brought us Professor Einstein tonight.

He is going to tell us about his theories...

...but he says it is much better that we see this phenomenal genius at pillows.

You will ask him questions, and this little boy will answer from his own head, yes?

Prodigies are usually interesting. They die early.

- Mathematical genius! - 7 times 8.

56.

When is something fun going to start?

I asked him, professor.

Franz!

Franz!

Franz did that.

This way, professor.

Ok, please give him some problems.

What is 9764 divided by 14?

It's almost time.

In a couple of minutes, you should watch out for Mr. Werthiem to arrive.

I'd rather go right now. I'm getting bored with your father.

697.428.

For God's sake, your beard is growing.

What should I do?

Where did you put your shaver?

With my things in front of the closet.

Is something wrong, miss?

Continue. I'll be back in a second.

For God's sake, do something.

Miss, are you sick?

Your pockets are empty. Your pockets are empty.

Do you need some money?

On the chair! Go sit on the chair!

I found a razor. I found a razor.

- God, she's found a razor. - You must sit down on the chair.

- In a second, it will be too late. - That's why you have to go sit.

She found a razor!

- Frank, Frank, you have to come help me. - Come help me.

Don't confuse me. Frank, you have to help me.

Hey, come out of there.

- In a minute. Dad is sitting on the chair.

- You have to come here, or else I won't get him to sit on the chair.

- I can't. I have shaving cream on my face. - In a second. Dad is on the chair.

God, everything is relying on this, Frank! Where are you, Frank?

Come here. You have to sit in your own chair.

This is the professor's chair. Come on.

Continue without the professor.

Why shouldn't he sit here, if he likes the chair?

After the professor, returns, give him the chair, ok?

- Frank, where are you? - Get out of the chair!

Get out!

Just wait, I'm going to be mad at you.

- I'm going to bring you bad grades. - Sir, we'd rather ask him math problems.

You little rascal.

Ok. So how much is 736,822 divided by 165 power by 2?

- Let go of me! Let go of me! - Let's just go sit on the chair.

- There's a suicde in the bathroom. - What a catastrophe. Just stay calm.

Open the door. Open up, sir. Open the door or I'm going to be very upset.

It's a lady from America.

That doesn't matter. Open up, sir! Good, good.

My wife is in the other room entertaining.

Go jump through the window, since you're younger.

Lord Christ, I didn't say to break the window. Don't you know glass costs money.

For God's sake, what happened to you?

- Nothing happed to you? - No.

Is she cut?

Right now, just when there's something to look at!

18:59.

It was that guy!

- Where is Frank? - Frank!

Where's Frank?

Do you see?

When his father died as a child, Frank could never have been born.

That's it. That's all that's left of him.

Do you understand?

- Miss - Of course, when the chandelier fell here...

- No! - Don't take my pistol!

Get out, get out.

Come here.

Help!

I'd like to know that, too.

You just cost us millions. Frank is gone, the boy is dead,

Einstein is alive. Why did you do that?

Why should you kill him, when he's such a splendid person, right, Cleopatra?

Please! It's always something with you ladies.

Great! I don't want anything to do with your experiment ever again.

Horses without a driver.

Let's go.

Hello, horses. Slow down.

Take us to the National Theater, please.

That's what I'd call self-service.

Bye.

Come on!

"Conquest of the moon."

You said that the chandelier would fall at 7 o'clock and the beards would disappear.

It's 7:30 and the ladies...?

Maybe the experiment wasn't successful.

- How could you have the experiment without me? - Relax.

I'm sure you understand that we had to keep it secret because of the group of G bomb fanatics.

And only God knows where you were the whole time. I don't who should get angry first.

The machine is returning.

The beards.

How are you going to explain your failure, professor?

It was supposed to happen at 3 o'clock, but the father didn't want to shoot...

...and Cleopatra was biting me. So Mrs. Frank's husband...

Hold on, professor, hold on. What are you talking about?

Betsy isn't even married.

Someone shot.

The father shot.

Try to understand. A little boy. For candy.

So, actually, now she's... a widow.

Uh, miss Betsy.

- Did the chandelier fall at all? - It did and it killed your boss' father.

What boss? My boss is here.

Nonsense. Your boss was in this... suit.

I mean Frank Pech. Winner of the Nobel Prize.

Who, unfortunately, was never born.

- My most sincere condolences. - Yes, I understand.

Great, I was beginning to get nervous.

No. Gather yourself and take a nice rest, professor.

Here you are. Money wasted again.

And what's more, a professor who's gone mad. This is your fault.

- You should take a rest, too, Doctor. - Let go of me. I'm absolutely normal.

Just remember that I don't want anything to do with physics again!

Doctor...

Let her be. Treat her tomorrow after she calms down.

Hold on.

Cleopatra!

It looks like the machine doesn't work.

Just the opposite. It works like a machine that's hazardous to people's health.

Look.

Cleo. Cleo. That cat got lost.

A total fiasco.

You're saying that I had servants, a child and a car?

How is that at all possible?

If only I knew how to explain it to you.

Look. Give me your make-up.

Don't move.

Here's the year 1911.

And this is today.

Try and understand. Here is when his father was alive.

Here is when Frank was born.

And here is when you were married.

Of course, when is father died here...

...Frank was never born...

You never could have gotten married, because

the progression of history went over... no, no, no.

I made a mistake. The progression went right here.

To today.

What are you doing?

It looks like you have very dehydrated skin.

But couldn't you possibly make it so that Frank was here again?

As soon as they believe... As soon as the believe my machine works...

...I'll take you instead of Gwen.

You're good with men and you'll definitely get him under the chandelier.

Yes. We'll get there. You'll get Frank and I'll prove that I was right.

And I'll have servants and cars, diamonds and yacht.

Professor, honey, how old was that Frank? I don't want to be nag.

- Where did... Where did you put his suit? - Over there.

Proof. Proof. I'll show you.

Here you are. A photo of him.

- That's him and this is you. - That's a surprise.

And this right here is exact proof.

His father was killed here. So Frank was never born.

The progression of history went in a different direction. And here he doesn't exist.

He doesn't exist, but if you'll allow me... Just one second.

He doesn't exist now, but he did. Will you allow me?

Frank Pech. Born May 3, 1959. State California.

Parents Fratisek Pech, Anne Marie Chilberth. 28 teeth.

Good?

4 fillings. Appendix removed.

The experiment is allowed.

Peek-a-boo!

May I?

Professor Grant wished for us to wrap you in cotton.

Would you like a candy?

We'd like to know where Einstein was when the chandelier fell.

We weren't anywhere.

No? So, you and Professor Moore just took a walk through the zoological garden...

...and watched Franta the parrot?

Five floors up, five floors down. All laboratories and no cold.

I'm interested in that at all.

But we have something here that definitely will interest you, doctor.

Just follow me.

Your favorite music...

- Please have a seat. - Thank you.

Don't be afraid. Our chandelier doesn't kill.

"For God's sake, your beard is growing!"

The fact that you ran, made it impossible for him to be killed.

You didn't care?

Or did you wish for that to happen?

So that he wouldn't die.

"You wasted millions. Frank is gone. The boy is dead."

Try and remember.

"Why should we kill him, when he's such a wonderful person, right Cleopatra?"

Thank you. We were just wondering.

Can you tell me how you got all of this?

We sent a spy with you.

- Frank? - Uh, I don't know him.

- David? - Uh uh.

There were three of us.

The doctor doesn't count you, Cleopatra. You should be offended.

We noticed that Cleopatra that was always watching professor Moore...

...so we just "adjusted" her.

"It says I'm going to find a great love. I don't even know about it."

"We'll have a daughter and we'll live happily ever after."

"Too bad it doesn't say what'll..."

We adjusted her eye, too. Will you forgive me?

That cat always screams when we put it in her eye.

What do you need me for? You know everything.

But you don't know that Professor Moore is going to be allowed to go again tomorrow.

Tomorrow he'll be in Prague and try the murder again.

Why are you telling me this?

What can I possibly do to protect him, even I wanted to?

By yourself? No. But with us, maybe you could.

How do you want to get there?

That isn't that hard.

I almost forgot. The boss wants to speak with you.

We're here, boss.

Get changed once we're there. Please get on, miss.

We're starting.

Follow us.

Get out!

Don't be afraid of anything.

It's happening perfectly. In a second there will be a window there.

- How can you know everything like that? - Nothing can surprise me now at all.

That's Vasek.

Gwen?

Who just came, Emilka?

Some idiot, Madame. He doesn't even know how to greet a person.

Pardon. This... This must be some sort of mistake.

I'm the waiter from Hotel Sroubek, who you reserved for tonight's dinner party.

Ah, come in.

Your colleague from Red Horse is already here.

Go and change. Emilka will take you.

Yes, Madame.

Would you like to explain to me how you got here?

This way...

- Ro.. - .. Bert.

I'm going to call both of you "Franz. " I'm used to that.

Yes, Madame.

Yes, Madame.

Emilka, we're going to go... uh... shopping.

Yes Madame.

Be careful, gentlemen, that you don't damage history.

- We're bringing your order, ma'am. - Anus!

Those men over there will help you...

...Emilka and I are going... allow me, here, that's it.

- Take it away right now to the closet.. - Yes, sir.

Don't take it to the closet, hang it in the salon.

Take it away.

- Hang it. - Take it away.

- Hang it! - Take it away!

Hang it!

Take it away!

For God's sake, what are you doing?

I have a wife and 13 kids.

Hang it.

- Are you going to take it to the closet or not?

- I'll hang it myself. - Watch out. It's going to get broken.

Watch out.

Get rid of him. What are you looking at? Hurry up. Here.

- This much money, boss. - Come on, let's go.

Quickly, quickly.

- To the closet. - Yes, sir.

Don't get excited, but there are already two there.

Hurry up. Take care of that chandelier. What's the number of your company?

- I mean the telephone number. - Two.

I understand.

- Hello? Give me number 3, please. - Yes, sir. What do you need?

This is Wertheim. The lamp you just sent is broken. Please send me a lamp quickly, please.

- That scoundrel. - Just hurry up.

Relax, relax. Here you go. Go buy yourself a different boss.

Thank you Mr. Banker. Thank you.

- Hello. - That's what I call speed. Come in.

Splendid, young men. You can go straight to the salon.

- I'll be there right after you. - No problem. Hi, boys!

Hurry, hurry. Careful.

- HURRY, HURRY. - I'll help you with that chandelier.

Thank you, but there's no need we're used to it.

Good-bye.

Isn't that some beautiful weather?

How is it that you're still here? To work?

Madame, it takes a lot of work to hang this kind of chandelier.

But it's a completely different person!

That one there wasn't so fat.

That one was ripped to shreds, so they sent a stronger one.

Take a look for yourself, Madame. A beautiful wood carving.

It's actual gold covered mahogany.

And cut with a delicate hand, Madame.

Mahogany!

And where is the other Franz?

He just got up and left. And imagine what he said, Madame.

He said that he's never worked at a family as stupid as yours.

- He said that it stinks here. - What stinks?

- Stinks. - Stinks?

- Stinks. - Madame, I know that person...

That rascal. That could be me. My stinks. I might complain.

Wonderful, ma'am, but that lamp, that's not proper work.

Go look for yourself. He can't even hold himself up.

Just look at what wonderful work it is ma'am. Just go look for yourself.

- Here you go and leave now. - Thank you.

- Excuse me, ma'am. - Just go, just go.

Good-bye.

Fifi. You made a mess here.

- I'll take her out, if you don't mind. - Yes.

"I'm blind from birth"

- What's going on? - Professor Grant is here.

- Gwen is over there. You have to deal with her. - I'm going.

Bring some money for the chandelier. They used their own. Glue and fasteners.

Hold this for me.

Where you're eating it will be full of bacteria.

- What's that? - A gun.

What are you hurrying for? I'm going to go take care of the chandelier.

Are you looking for a maid, Madame?

It's too late, miss. I already got a new maid yesterday.

If it would be alright, ma'am, I would like to work for free.

I never knew our home was so... come in, come in.

Do you know what?

I'll hire you both. You'll massage that... lotion... potion... Lotion Potion.

Put your things here and then come up stairs.

I bought another lamp. Open the foyer and the salon.

I understand. Don't talk so loud. The old lady is blabbing on the stairs.

Oh, tasty zmunda, huh?

Hey, it's empty.

- Hello, ma'am. - Come in.

- If you don't mind, ma'am... - Yes.

- I know your maid... - And?

- Right here? - Thank you.

She's a vulgar crook. She likes diamonds.

That's not possible. It's not possible. Where is it? Here...

Here... My beautiful jeweled, diamond! It's gone! What are we going to do?

- Call the police. - Police!

Police. The commissioner... one second.

The police, right. Yes Mr. Commissioner. Yes.

We both saw who stole the diamond.

Please come immediately, Mr. Commissioner. Three strong men. Thank you.

She's completely beside herself.

Mr. Commissioner, the Wertheim apartment, please.

We both who stole the diamond. Please come immediately.

Ok, it's in there.

- Thank you ma'am. - Yes.

I gave it... I gave the thief puka, puka. Puk... lock. Over there.

- They're here. - The police.

- Just rest for right now. - Thank you. What would I do without you?

- Relax. She just went to the bedroom. - Help me. I'm stuck.

- That's a sign. That's really a sign...

Quickly, quickly.

She'll be here soon.

Hang it here. This chandelier wouldn't even kill a bug.

- Hold on. Hold on! - Hurry.

Undress, please. We have to find that ring.

- Are you going to do it? - Are you going to do it?!?

- Immediately, right now? - Yes. Immediately.

You're going to do it!

Stop! What are you wearing?

I'm sorry. We're... we're very poor servants...

...We, you see, what's more, we don't have...

Someone's in the salon!

- The ring! - Oh, God!

- You're under arrest - Oh, dear God.

Please, sirs, this must be a mistake. You can't arrest me.

Yes. My beautiful, crystal diamond! You, thief!

- Please, ma'am! - You should be ashamed!

Ma'am, he's going to pay.

Thank you, officer.

You no good, dirty pig! You rascal! What is this? You... you... you...

Oh, hello. Come in, please!

- Professor, be careful. They want to kill you. - Shut up!

A kind of little... uh... small, uh... They undressed in front of the police.

Get dressed, all of you!

I'd like to introduce to you Professor Einstein, who Rada Wagner told you about.

And this is his protege, the young prodigy at arithmetic...

...and son of Pech, our janitor.

Yours.

If you don't get under the chandelier, you'll get candy.

Why?

May I help you, ma'am?

Search him, thoroughly!

Hey, I found a weapon.

What kind is it?

How does it fire?

Like this.

Get undressed.

When is the party going to start, already?

Okay, please ask him something.

How much is 9764 divided by 14?

Two of Grant's men are here.

Betsy.

Someone removed the glue from the chair.

I'll get him to come to the foyer and you spray it again.

Six hundred ninety-seven point four two eight.

Professor, someone is waiting for you in the foyer.

Continue. I'll be back in a second.

But he wants to rest. Bring him something, Emilka.

Just one second. Let me see if he hasn't by chance gone...

- Sir, are you there, sir? - It's occupied.

Excuse me.

Where could he have gone? He's really not here.

Of course! He's inside, already.

Wasting my time only.

And a new problem. 212.857...

When you get a chance, I'd like to have a word with you in private.

Excuse me.

851.428.

121.13 multiply by 845...

Commissioner. Commissioner!

Help!

Hurry! Do you hear me? Hurry! The chandelier is falling in 5 minutes. Do you hear me?

Yes, I hear you.

Good. What did I want? Look after your father-in-law.

Give him a toy or something.

Or lock him in the bathroom. And tell one man to come. He must...

Relax. Relax. Relax.

You're with the society women, right?

Yes.

Why don't you cure this?

Wait! You're not allowed to go there.

The nerve of you. I think I'm allowed into my own salon.

I understand, but the chandelier is going to fall.

God damn it. Well I want to see that.

I'm going to call the constable.

Gott seid dank! That's a pleasant surprise.

Imagine this: he won't even let me into my own house!

You're under arrest.

Good!

You're under arrest.

Hold on, who's under arrest?

Put your hands up!

These is my wife's dinner party.

The dinner party is a success.

The thief got away, sir, but we see him.

When is the party going to start, already?

- Go to hell. - Okay.

- Come with me. I need to talk. - I can't.

It is very important.

For certain reasons, I can't.

Jesus Christ, this is horrible!

Quick! This way.

How did that chandelier stop in the air?

- What about gravity? - Don't worry about gravity and hurry up!

Betsy, Betsy! Get your father-in-law out and wait meet at the National Theater.

I understand.

This was supposed to be the premier salon in Prague.

I don't go there again.

I'm afraid this isn't the end of everything.

You'll have to listen to me about everything.

- Excuse me. - Yes.

Young lady, when is the party going to start, already?

A maid doesn't have a lot of time.

Perhaps Mrs. Werteim could give you some time off.

Murderer! You disgusting murderer.

You're under arrest!

Turn on the lights.

You shot a person... as if he were some partridge.

I killed Einstein, gentlemen.

But ask me why?

So that mothers could bear their innocent children without beards.

So that happiness would spread out over this world like a rainbow.

That's why I sacrificed a person who has already died...

...when I was 13, or was it 14? No 13.

Take him away!

I destroyed the G-Bomb. I saved your grandchildren.

Be happy.

He's a cold-blooded scoundrel.

We're going to write a report.

Yes.

Such a beautiful night.

Please, can I take off my coat?

What's that?

In the name of the law...

Professor Einstein. But I'd like to explain that...

Look. What I'm interested in is... Stop that!

Yes, yes, I would like to explain that...

- I already told you that... - Let her talk, already, inspector.

This is none of your business.

What I'm...

What should we do with him?

Hello, Mr. Commissioner.

Wake up.

Can you hear me?

Hello. Hurry, hurry.

Hold this for me, please.

Take care of your boss.

I bought this on Forty-Second Street. It cost me a dollar.

You did that wonderfully.

Thank you.

Beautiful.

You should be a violinist.

We're all good at something.

Your fate is dishes. My fate is physics.

Should you be a mediocre physicist, or a genius violinist.

Average physicist.

I'm sorry if you don't understand these things.

And can you tell me what you've accomplished that's so average?

Couldn't we just talk about dill sauce instead?

As long as you understand that.

You're simply the author of the theory of relativity. So what?

Did you know that the person who thought up dill sauce served humanity even more?

I'm not saying that the theory of relativity is nonsense. No, no.

We were thinking about that...

...with Ruzena, who works at the Krauses. Ouch, ouch.

At first we calculated that m equals ro 2 pi over 2, r over 3...

But it seemed that the universe is crooked.

Do you understand?

That's simply impossible.

- Who calculated that? You and... - The cook at the Krauses.

Alzbeta was there too, but she thought about it differently.

She found out that "E" equals "M"... uh... times

..."C" power 2.

Do you know what that means, by any chance?

No.

No?

Go see Ruzena. She's a terribly nice girl. She'll help you.

A cook calculated this and I'm working like a horse.

What am I then?

An unqualified physicist...

...but a wonderful violinist.

It's beautiful.

Wonderful.

Albert, when you play, I feel like I could love you.

Daddy... Promise me you'll have kids.

Ok.

We'll see.

There'll be no "we'll see."

Look. He's already here.

Come on.

Hurry up.

How does it look on the stage?

The last show is about to start.

The best time...

Too bad that everything had to happen like this...

I keep telling them these are for middle distances.

Let's go.

Don't forget. Four children and the third one is Frank. Don't forget Father.

Four kids. That's going to be tough.

What can I do for you, Secretary.

Yesterday you proposed that the UN stop financing military actions...

...against the group of chemists.

That's right.

Against the group of Chemists?

Their experiments with fertility made it so that men stopped being men!

That's true... but...

Allow me to register the sharpest protest in the name of the whole delegation.

That's right!

How can we fight the chemists, when we don't even know where they are?

We're trying to develop an antidote...

...We've spent billions, but you have to have patience until...

By then, humanity will have gone extinct.

Professor! David!

This isn't the institute of physics.

This is how it should be.

Since we destroyed the basis of modern physics, everything is different.

The women don't have beards.

The women... don't have beards.

Yeah, but what about the men?

Those are men?

- Yeah. - No.

That's...

...Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

And you are, Madame?

I'm your wife, Betsy.

You used to call me... Sweetie. You remember.

- We were married for 7 years. - I'm sorry.

A marriage is a cold. I would have remembered.

But, you can't. You lived in a different time. Look.

Oops. I already bathed.

In the year 1911, I gave your father candy so you would be born.

Otherwise, a chandelier would have fallen on his head.

He doesn't understand.

Do you see what you have on your conscience?

The women are already beginning to go crazy.

What does all of this mean? Can you tell me who you are, sir?

- You wouldn't believe me. - Do you hear that voice?

Professor. Professor Moore.

I went back in time where I successful in a great thing:

I killed Einstein, gentlemen.

Uh, actually, uh, gentlemen.

I erased the bombs from history.

Bombs? I've never heard of bombs.

How could you? The basis was physics...

...which threatened the whole world.

You're mistaken, Professor. The world is threatened by chemistry.

Dangerous gasses are destroying humanity.

Maybe not...

...if men still exist...

Actual men?

Help! Help!

Frank!

Look. Here is a picture of us.

This is me...

...and this is you!

He probably doesn't even realize that he's the savior of humanity.

He's such a great person.

And did you see how funny it was when he tried to protect himself?

- What are you going to call him? - Maybe "Peter."

If it will be a girl, I'll call her "Pavla."

I better call home so that they'll be happy, too.

How may I help you?

Paper... and a pen. Quickly.

You would... really... like to marry me?

Why else do you think I'd be doing this?

Frank...

We're going to have a daughter again, okay?

Like before...

- That... might be hard. - Mr. Secretary?

Excuse me. Mr. Secretary, a solution has been found.

That professor Moore is here and he insists...

...he can destroy the group of chemists and their hideout.

Really?

With what?

Yes. Our thanks belong to Professor Moore.

It is he who destroyed the fertility gas machine with his invention.

And within a short time, brought life back to normal.

Thereby making us men happy...

...and women.

He has brought happiness to all of humanity.

Which he practically saved in the face of destruction.

Moore made a bomb...

...with which has begun...

...the happy future...

...of humanity.

In honor of our genius protector...

...we'll hear a Sonata by Mozart E Mol...

...which will be played by master violinist Albert Einstein.

It's nothing serious.

Gwen?

But my name isn't Gwen.

Would you please allow me to introduce you both?

Professor Moore. Mr. Einstein.

Frank. Surely you have something to talk about here.

With the old lady.

Gwen?

How... how... How have you been all this time?

Definitely better than you.

The beginning of the century was magical.

- Jane? - Yes, Mom?

This is Jane.

We already know each other.

How is it that you all know each other?

You wouldn't understand it, Albert.

It's because of that field of yours...

...that... uhm... physics.

I was interested in physics a long time ago.

But fortunately I stopped that. And that was a good thing.

That field just existed on the periphery of science.

You've just now made something of it. Congratulations.

You should step just over to the side, Professor.

Why, Mommy?

That's nothing.

Shards of glass symbolize happiness.

The End