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BOYS CHATTERING
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Good morning, patrol!
3
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ALL:
Good morning, Skipper!
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00:00:09,625 --> 00:00:12,600
Welcome to day one, activity A,
5
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:15,427
and A is for archery!
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00:00:15,488 --> 00:00:16,902
- Yes!
- OK.
7
00:00:16,963 --> 00:00:19,199
We'll all get a chance
to shoot at the target
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00:00:19,259 --> 00:00:21,333
but, before we do, I just need to run through
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00:00:21,394 --> 00:00:24,705
some do's and do nots.
There you go, Frank, pass that down.
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00:00:24,766 --> 00:00:27,946
Alexander, you take the bow.
Pass it down, get used to the feel of it.
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00:00:28,007 --> 00:00:31,199
It may surprise some of you to know
that most accidents happen
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00:00:31,259 --> 00:00:33,824
after the arrows have hit the target.
13
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Boys run down the range
and can easily trip up, so
14
00:00:37,259 --> 00:00:39,901
safety rule number one is no...
15
00:00:44,705 --> 00:00:46,262
I...
Er...
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00:00:46,323 --> 00:00:48,110
That's gone through, that.
Clean through.
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00:00:48,171 --> 00:00:50,745
GASPING AND CHOKING
18
00:00:50,806 --> 00:00:52,734
I'm panicking.
Right.
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00:00:52,794 --> 00:00:54,267
EXHALES
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00:00:54,329 --> 00:00:58,397
Who can drive?
We might need one of you to drive.
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00:00:58,629 --> 00:00:59,863
No, that's a silly idea.
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00:00:59,924 --> 00:01:03,199
Don't look at me, kids. Make a path!
You don't want to see this in your dreams.
23
00:01:03,259 --> 00:01:04,734
Someone call Carol, please!
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You've got to go to the New Forest next week.
That's out.
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00:01:07,259 --> 00:01:09,940
HE SHRIEKS
Oh, it's cold, innit?
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00:01:10,969 --> 00:01:12,169
HE GASPS
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00:01:14,257 --> 00:01:15,457
Ah!
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HE STRAINS
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ARGH!
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That's better.
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ENGINE STARTS AND MUSIC BLARES
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GEARS CRUNCH
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CRASH!
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HORN BLARES
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Synced & corrected by minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
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SNORING
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00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:15,942
Michael.
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00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:17,669
Michael...
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00:02:18,819 --> 00:02:20,492
Mike!
HE SNORTS
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00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:22,074
Morning, handsome.
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00:02:23,061 --> 00:02:24,294
WHISPERS: Listen...
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I can't hear anything.
43
00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:30,380
Exactly.
44
00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:33,694
The builders haven't arrived yet.
45
00:02:33,824 --> 00:02:35,459
That pigeon isn't in here.
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We're all alone.
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00:02:40,648 --> 00:02:42,129
- Oh!
- Yeah.
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00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:43,443
Yeah.
49
00:02:43,504 --> 00:02:45,039
BOTH GIGGLE
50
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:46,903
- Er...
- What?
51
00:02:47,966 --> 00:02:51,199
- Are you sure we're alone?
- Mike, there are no ghosts in here.
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00:02:51,259 --> 00:02:53,467
It's freaking me out that
you can see them...
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00:02:53,527 --> 00:02:56,394
Mike, Mike, Mike...
We are alone.
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00:02:59,201 --> 00:03:00,518
Argh!
55
00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:01,995
Ooh, yeah...
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00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:03,529
QUIETLY: Get out!
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00:03:05,527 --> 00:03:08,048
- There's one in here now, isn't there?
- Yeah, just...
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HORN TOOTS, CHATTER OUTSIDE
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COOING AND FLUTTERING
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00:03:13,952 --> 00:03:15,358
HE GROANS
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00:03:15,581 --> 00:03:17,423
Are we ever alone?
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00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:22,944
Castle Man, he go de-da-ka, de-da-ka!
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00:03:24,055 --> 00:03:25,255
You go.
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00:03:29,530 --> 00:03:31,404
Interesting.
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00:03:31,850 --> 00:03:35,214
Erm...
Funny hat dude, he...
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00:03:36,362 --> 00:03:37,572
Hey!
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- Ooh...
- DRILL WHIRS
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00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,807
What's all this commotion?
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00:03:43,901 --> 00:03:45,846
BUILDERS CHATTERING
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00:03:45,907 --> 00:03:48,847
SHE SHRIEKS AND SCREAMS
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00:03:49,008 --> 00:03:50,216
Ew! Ew!
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00:03:50,467 --> 00:03:51,709
Unacceptable!
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00:03:51,770 --> 00:03:54,106
Ugh!
Emergency meeting!
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00:03:55,259 --> 00:03:59,452
Now, it's clear that this new enemy,
these builders,
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00:03:59,513 --> 00:04:01,199
are deep in our territory.
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00:04:01,259 --> 00:04:02,639
It's an occupation.
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00:04:03,259 --> 00:04:05,809
We shall fight on the beaches.
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00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,654
- We shall fight...
- on the landing?
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00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:10,199
Yes, all right.
Don't be glib.
80
00:04:10,259 --> 00:04:15,200
But how do we fight?
We have no rocks, no sticks, no bears.
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00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:17,785
Bears?
HEAVY SIGH
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00:04:17,846 --> 00:04:21,057
Oh, yes, very good, Thomas.
We'll just sigh at them.
83
00:04:21,118 --> 00:04:23,199
You don't understand, do you?
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00:04:23,259 --> 00:04:25,729
- Almost certainly not.
- She does not comprehend
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00:04:25,790 --> 00:04:28,331
the profundity of my feelings for her.
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00:04:28,392 --> 00:04:30,730
Thomas in big love with Kim Wilde.
87
00:04:30,791 --> 00:04:32,199
Kim Wi...? Alison?
88
00:04:32,259 --> 00:04:33,958
He's got the hots for Alison!
89
00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:36,856
Oh, it's far more complicated
than that, damn your eyes!
90
00:04:36,917 --> 00:04:38,670
I am attempting to compose a poem
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00:04:38,731 --> 00:04:41,774
of such intricate beauty
to reflect the way I feel.
92
00:04:41,835 --> 00:04:44,720
I cannot be expected to plot
with you halfwits
93
00:04:44,796 --> 00:04:47,407
and work on my art!
94
00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:49,199
Ooh!
95
00:04:49,259 --> 00:04:51,962
You can't just appear like that,
not when we're in bed.
96
00:04:52,023 --> 00:04:55,198
- Were you and Mike making a baby?
- Er, what? No! No.
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00:04:55,259 --> 00:04:56,965
I was hoping we'd get
in a bit of practice, but...
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00:04:57,025 --> 00:05:00,126
- Practice?
- You know, getting jiggy with it.
99
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,806
- How's-your-father?
- He's dead, I think.
100
00:05:03,867 --> 00:05:05,711
You don't know what I'm talking
about, do you?
101
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:08,041
I thought babies were made
when you pressed ears together.
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00:05:08,102 --> 00:05:10,425
LAUGHING: Oh, no! Who told you that?
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00:05:10,486 --> 00:05:12,914
My sister.
How do you make a baby?
104
00:05:13,259 --> 00:05:17,391
Well... OK.
So, when a man and a woman
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love each other very, very much...
106
00:05:19,478 --> 00:05:22,199
or not, actually,
sometimes that can be more fun.
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00:05:22,259 --> 00:05:23,161
Alison!
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00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:24,886
You'll have to ask one of the others.
I've got to go.
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00:05:24,946 --> 00:05:26,622
Hi, Terry.
You all right, mate?
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00:05:26,683 --> 00:05:29,451
Ah! There you are. Jolly good.
Now, look here.
111
00:05:29,512 --> 00:05:30,974
I mean, I thought the Blitz was bad,
112
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but your builders make the Luftwaffe
look like a youth group.
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No offence, Pat.
We know your lot were capable of killing.
114
00:05:36,259 --> 00:05:37,388
Please, not now!
115
00:05:37,449 --> 00:05:39,509
- Oh. Sorry. I'll...
- No, not you, Terry.
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I was just talking to... Mike.
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SHOUTS: Not now, Mike!
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MIKE:
- What?
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Right.
120
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:49,089
Yes, Terry. How are you?
How's it going?
121
00:05:49,150 --> 00:05:51,199
Yeah, good, good.
We've finally managed
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to make the roof watertight in the, erm,
the back bit.
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00:05:54,463 --> 00:05:55,467
BOTH:
The east wing!
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East wing.
Thank you... Terry.
125
00:05:58,089 --> 00:05:59,734
But we have found something else.
126
00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:03,695
The drainage from the east wing is cracked.
I don't know when it was put in.
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00:06:03,756 --> 00:06:04,934
1894.
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00:06:04,995 --> 00:06:07,802
1894.
Erm, probably, between...
129
00:06:07,977 --> 00:06:09,208
Not now, what?
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00:06:10,385 --> 00:06:12,763
- Not now! Huh!
- Hmm?
131
00:06:12,824 --> 00:06:14,847
What's he like, Terry?
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00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:18,445
Right. Well, it needs a lot of work
to make sure it doesn't breach.
133
00:06:18,506 --> 00:06:22,596
I can do you a quote on top of the old one,
which has gone up a bit, I'm afraid.
134
00:06:22,657 --> 00:06:24,596
- We don't have any more money.
- Great, great!
135
00:06:24,657 --> 00:06:28,046
We'll probably just put our heads together
and run some numbers up the flagpole
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00:06:28,133 --> 00:06:30,600
and just see if any of that makes any sense.
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PHONE RINGS
138
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- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Yeah, by all means.
139
00:06:35,634 --> 00:06:38,199
What are you doing?
We can't just agree to more work like that.
140
00:06:38,259 --> 00:06:40,633
We're burning through money
quicker than actually burning money.
141
00:06:40,693 --> 00:06:43,034
Mike, it's fine.
This is all part of being project manager.
142
00:06:43,094 --> 00:06:44,346
It's a negotiation.
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00:06:44,407 --> 00:06:46,910
You get them on side,
do a bit of wheeling, dealing.
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00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:49,270
You gotta be mates,
if you want mate's rates.
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00:06:49,331 --> 00:06:50,633
He's coming, he's coming, he's coming.
146
00:06:50,693 --> 00:06:53,308
Listen, Tel, let's chat numbers later,
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00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:57,373
and in the meantime,
how about a nice cup of old Rosie Lee?
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00:06:57,441 --> 00:06:59,098
Oh, yeah.
No milk, four sugars.
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00:06:59,159 --> 00:07:00,919
OK...
Watch out!
150
00:07:03,741 --> 00:07:07,259
For the sugar, Terry!
Come on, that's too many.
151
00:07:08,430 --> 00:07:10,430
- Isn't it, Mike?
- Yeah.
152
00:07:13,261 --> 00:07:15,545
- Just checking, that was a ghost thing, right?
- Yep.
153
00:07:15,605 --> 00:07:17,538
There are ghosts in here,
which is why you went weird?
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- Just one there and one there.
- Yes, we're here.
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00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,038
- Here we are.
- Yep.
156
00:07:26,259 --> 00:07:27,869
Pat, are you not well?
157
00:07:27,930 --> 00:07:30,198
Hmm?
Oh, no, I'm fine.
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00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:34,540
It's just that tomorrow's my death day so,
you know, I always get a bit emotional...
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How are babies made?
160
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Alison, my Alison.
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00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:47,200
You are like a...
Like a...
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00:07:47,260 --> 00:07:49,979
Yeah. Sorry, I appreciate it's
such short notice and that,
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00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:54,373
but we've just got so much rubbish
to clear up.
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HE MOANS SOFTLY
- I mean, loads of it. Seriously.
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00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:57,946
Builders are awful, aren't they?
166
00:07:58,007 --> 00:08:02,446
I had a terrible time when I was
extending the Bramptons back in '86.
167
00:08:02,507 --> 00:08:04,199
It's a modest Oxfordshire pile.
168
00:08:04,259 --> 00:08:06,045
11 bedrooms, tennis courts, wet room,
169
00:08:06,106 --> 00:08:08,199
- blah-blah-blah-blah.
- Sounds frightfully expensive.
170
00:08:08,259 --> 00:08:12,437
Oh, no, I didn't pay for it, no.
I ran it through MPs' expenses.
171
00:08:12,498 --> 00:08:14,345
The great British taxpayer covered it.
172
00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:16,199
Wonderful idiots!
Now, where was I?
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00:08:16,259 --> 00:08:19,807
Oh, yes, builders. Well, I mean,
they're all thieves, aren't they?
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00:08:19,868 --> 00:08:20,987
Tinkers to a man.
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00:08:21,048 --> 00:08:24,199
All the noise, the football chat,
the potty banter.
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Ooh!
Wait a minute, that's it!
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00:08:26,742 --> 00:08:27,930
What's what?
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00:08:27,991 --> 00:08:31,495
All we have to do is watch
these builders closely
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00:08:31,556 --> 00:08:35,046
until they commit some sort of
misdemeanour, report it to Alison...
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00:08:35,107 --> 00:08:37,199
And she'll send them away with
a flea in their ear.
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00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:38,602
- Yes!
- Let's get organised.
182
00:08:39,915 --> 00:08:43,012
- I have flea in ear.
- But you're dead.
183
00:08:43,548 --> 00:08:44,948
So is flea.
184
00:08:46,212 --> 00:08:48,327
I also have worms.
185
00:08:49,141 --> 00:08:50,542
Ugh.
186
00:08:54,095 --> 00:08:55,897
Ah!
There's two in here.
187
00:08:57,789 --> 00:08:59,495
A proper pair of oiks.
188
00:08:59,556 --> 00:09:03,032
This'll be like shooting fish in a barrel,
which I did for real once.
189
00:09:03,093 --> 00:09:05,157
Party Conference, Bournemouth.
Great fun.
190
00:09:05,218 --> 00:09:08,644
- I might sneak off a bit earlier today, Wixy.
- This is going to be easy.
191
00:09:08,705 --> 00:09:10,199
Shouldn't be a problem.
Where are you off to?
192
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,237
I need to get back
to that community project thing.
193
00:09:12,297 --> 00:09:14,199
Oh, yeah, the kids' playground
at the hospital.
194
00:09:14,259 --> 00:09:18,199
Well, I mean, there's being nice, that's
one thing, but that's just weird nice.
195
00:09:18,259 --> 00:09:21,393
All right. There's plenty more where
they came from. Come along.
196
00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:32,199
Ohh!
Pat!
197
00:09:32,391 --> 00:09:33,591
SHE SIGHS
198
00:09:34,565 --> 00:09:35,799
You all right?
199
00:09:36,611 --> 00:09:38,199
Tomorrow's my death day.
200
00:09:38,259 --> 00:09:42,600
- Oh! Happy... death day.
- Hmm.
201
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:46,230
I'm really sorry, Pat.
I've actually never asked you,
202
00:09:46,778 --> 00:09:48,988
how did you die, exactly?
203
00:09:50,433 --> 00:09:52,199
Sorry, no. I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
204
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,474
I just wanted to lighten the mood,
and it hasn't worked. Sorry.
205
00:09:55,535 --> 00:09:57,680
- That must be really hard for you.
- Yeah, it is, yeah.
206
00:09:57,740 --> 00:09:59,970
But on the plus side,
I get to see my family, so...
207
00:10:00,031 --> 00:10:01,269
Oh! What?
What?
208
00:10:01,330 --> 00:10:03,867
Yeah. Every year,
they come to pay their respects.
209
00:10:04,259 --> 00:10:06,890
They'll be here tomorrow, over there.
210
00:10:07,794 --> 00:10:09,416
- Oh...
- Yeah, it used to be a tree, but
211
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,545
it blew down in the great storm of 1987.
212
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:15,037
I mean, people say it was a storm,
but it was a hurricane, Alison.
213
00:10:15,098 --> 00:10:17,296
Well, that'll be nice, to see your family.
214
00:10:17,357 --> 00:10:22,016
And I thought, wouldn't it be great
to pass on a message to them?
215
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:26,200
Oh, no, Pat.
I don't think that's such a great idea.
216
00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:27,684
- Oh, it is.
- Mm...
217
00:10:27,745 --> 00:10:29,600
I could let Carol know that I was OK.
218
00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:33,001
The whole family come! Daley,
he's my son, and his girlfriend,
219
00:10:33,061 --> 00:10:35,551
they'll be there,
and... and Carol's husband Morris.
220
00:10:35,622 --> 00:10:38,329
- She remarried?
- It's fine.
221
00:10:38,885 --> 00:10:40,386
I'm very happy for them.
222
00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:42,155
Morris was actually my best mate,
223
00:10:42,216 --> 00:10:44,256
so it was really lovely when
he married Carol.
224
00:10:44,317 --> 00:10:45,999
He was always such a support to her,
225
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:47,797
- even before I died.
- Hmm.
226
00:10:47,858 --> 00:10:50,581
- He was always round.
- He had his own set of keys.
227
00:10:50,642 --> 00:10:52,688
I remember, one Sunday,
I came back from camp
228
00:10:52,749 --> 00:10:55,835
and I found all his clothes in the hallway.
229
00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:59,387
Everything, his socks, his knickers,
they were all strewn up the stairs.
230
00:11:04,259 --> 00:11:05,834
- Oh, no.
- Mm.
231
00:11:06,162 --> 00:11:07,381
Yeah.
232
00:11:07,997 --> 00:11:09,459
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.
233
00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:13,259
Carol!
234
00:11:18,674 --> 00:11:20,642
Anyone dead in here?
235
00:11:39,422 --> 00:11:40,622
Ow!
236
00:11:47,527 --> 00:11:49,794
SHE TUTS, WATER RUNS
237
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:54,725
Don't worry, it's only a matter of time.
Builders are born to hustle.
238
00:11:54,802 --> 00:11:57,956
It's in their DNA. Oh, hang on a minute.
Ah, there we are!
239
00:11:58,017 --> 00:11:59,947
- That's perfect.
- Here he comes!
240
00:12:00,008 --> 00:12:02,281
- Our work here is done.
- BOTH CHUCKLE
241
00:12:02,342 --> 00:12:04,229
- Oi, Mike!
- What?
242
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,761
- You dropped your wallet, mate.
- You've got to be joking.
243
00:12:06,821 --> 00:12:09,199
Damnation!
Tough nuts to crack, this lot.
244
00:12:09,259 --> 00:12:11,199
Reminds me of Monty in the desert in '42.
245
00:12:11,259 --> 00:12:12,867
- Oh, yeah?
- Totally hemmed in.
246
00:12:12,927 --> 00:12:14,128
- Interesting.
- But he persisted.
247
00:12:14,188 --> 00:12:15,582
Oh, this is happening now.
248
00:12:21,418 --> 00:12:23,613
- Where are you off to?
- I'm going to the pub.
249
00:12:23,683 --> 00:12:25,105
Mike, it's barely midday.
250
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:28,994
Yeah, well, sometimes, you know,
a guy just wants to...
251
00:12:29,056 --> 00:12:30,816
You're doing a Glastonbury, aren't you?
252
00:12:30,877 --> 00:12:34,727
- OK. So, I admit I have some issues.
- Mike, you left the festival to go for a poo.
253
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,801
Not just the campsite, the entire festival.
254
00:12:36,862 --> 00:12:40,739
So I need poo space.
It's hard enough when people are close by,
255
00:12:40,807 --> 00:12:43,340
let alone when there might be ghosts
in there with me.
256
00:12:43,401 --> 00:12:45,077
You've got this covered, though, yeah?
257
00:12:45,137 --> 00:12:46,507
- Project manager?
- Yeah!
258
00:12:46,568 --> 00:12:48,200
- Get us that deal!
- Sure.
259
00:12:48,499 --> 00:12:50,574
- They're not watching you!
- I am!
260
00:12:50,635 --> 00:12:52,711
Oh, my God!
Stop sneaking up on me!
261
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:54,880
SHE GASPS
262
00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:56,810
GIGGLING
263
00:12:58,576 --> 00:13:01,287
Hello, Terry.
Can I get you a tea?
264
00:13:01,668 --> 00:13:03,000
No, you're all right.
265
00:13:04,572 --> 00:13:06,396
Oh, Alison...
266
00:13:07,056 --> 00:13:08,683
My Alison...
267
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,901
You are like...
268
00:13:13,929 --> 00:13:15,200
You are like a...
269
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:17,199
Garrison?
270
00:13:17,259 --> 00:13:18,734
African?
271
00:13:18,794 --> 00:13:20,199
- I say tarragon.
- Hexagon?
272
00:13:20,259 --> 00:13:21,504
- Algorithm?
- Or hessian?
273
00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:24,199
- Or marathon.
- Please, will you hush?
274
00:13:24,259 --> 00:13:26,727
I cannot hear myself think!
MURMURING
275
00:13:26,788 --> 00:13:28,974
You know nothing of poetry!
276
00:13:29,035 --> 00:13:30,337
Off he goes.
277
00:13:31,794 --> 00:13:32,999
Talisman?
278
00:13:33,060 --> 00:13:34,771
- Oh, that's brilliant.
- I said that.
279
00:13:34,832 --> 00:13:36,797
- No, you didn't.
- I said that five minutes ago.
280
00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:39,058
- No, you didn't.
- I didn't hear you say that.
281
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,578
- Well, I did.
- I thought of it myself, anyway.
282
00:13:41,639 --> 00:13:45,098
LADY BUTTON:
You want to know how babies are made, Kitty?
283
00:13:45,159 --> 00:13:48,631
Well, the bees, you see, like men,
284
00:13:48,692 --> 00:13:50,495
visit the flowers.
285
00:13:50,581 --> 00:13:53,310
Some bees like just one type of flower,
286
00:13:53,371 --> 00:13:55,123
though it turns out not your flower,
287
00:13:55,184 --> 00:13:58,534
cos your flower just isn't good
enough, so there you are, on display,
288
00:13:58,595 --> 00:14:02,386
waiting for the big, strong bee with
his big pollen sacs underneath him,
289
00:14:02,447 --> 00:14:04,050
and he goes to a different flower,
290
00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:07,674
and sometimes, Kitty,
the bee only likes other bees,
291
00:14:07,735 --> 00:14:10,636
and you think, well, why have you
chosen that bee and not my flower?
292
00:14:10,696 --> 00:14:14,040
But they don't care, you see?
They just buzz around and ignore you!
293
00:14:18,188 --> 00:14:19,930
That's fascinating...
294
00:14:20,061 --> 00:14:21,984
LAUGHTER
295
00:14:22,251 --> 00:14:23,992
SCREECHING ON PHONE
Er, look...
296
00:14:24,061 --> 00:14:26,340
- What's going on here?
- Monkey.
297
00:14:26,401 --> 00:14:28,460
- Oh, no, no, I mean...
- That's good fun.
298
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,269
- Oh, good Lord.
- I mean, that's just...
299
00:14:30,329 --> 00:14:31,727
LADY BUTTON:
What's all that racket?
300
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:34,184
Ah, now, Fanny, I insist,
you really do not want to see.
301
00:14:34,244 --> 00:14:36,152
This really isn't something you
should be looking at...
302
00:14:36,212 --> 00:14:39,037
How on earth are they both doing that?
303
00:14:39,098 --> 00:14:40,145
Absolutely...
304
00:14:40,206 --> 00:14:42,756
Do you know what, Fanny?
I-I-I think you should go
305
00:14:42,817 --> 00:14:45,092
and report this to Alison straight away.
306
00:14:45,168 --> 00:14:46,704
Yes...
Yes!
307
00:14:46,765 --> 00:14:49,716
- It's shocking behaviour. Shocking.
- You're absolutely right.
308
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,576
MONKEYS SCREECH
309
00:14:51,637 --> 00:14:53,715
LADY BUTTON:
Alison! Alison!
310
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,529
Right, then, drainage issue.
311
00:14:57,589 --> 00:14:59,435
Yeah.
Yeah, well, that's a tricky one.
312
00:14:59,496 --> 00:15:03,956
- I have never been so outraged in all my life!
- The big issue is finding where to dig.
313
00:15:04,017 --> 00:15:07,200
Those builders have been watching some
grotesquery on their magic lanterns.
314
00:15:07,260 --> 00:15:09,467
- to get the old ground radar in...
- It's disgusting!
315
00:15:09,527 --> 00:15:12,296
- Two monkeys doing unspeakable things!
- And it wasn't budgeted for.
316
00:15:12,356 --> 00:15:15,050
- Oh, the video!
- Well, it's more like an ultrasound,
317
00:15:15,111 --> 00:15:16,849
but it does have a screen on it, yeah.
318
00:15:16,910 --> 00:15:21,463
Sorry, Terry, I was actually just
thinking about that, um,
319
00:15:21,524 --> 00:15:23,750
- that YouTube video, in the safari park...
- That's the one.
320
00:15:23,810 --> 00:15:24,767
- with the monkeys.
- Yes.
321
00:15:24,828 --> 00:15:26,586
- Have you seen it?
- Yeah, yeah, I have, yeah.
322
00:15:26,646 --> 00:15:29,141
- It's pretty funny, yeah.
- It is funny, actually.
323
00:15:29,202 --> 00:15:31,716
A real Button wouldn't stand
for this sort of behaviour!
324
00:15:31,777 --> 00:15:34,003
Well, could you not watch it, please, Terry,
325
00:15:34,064 --> 00:15:36,138
because, um, it's not acceptable behaviour.
326
00:15:36,199 --> 00:15:38,091
- Not in this house.
- Not in this house.
327
00:15:39,196 --> 00:15:40,464
- Filthy. Dirty.
- Filth...
328
00:15:43,091 --> 00:15:45,564
Right, well, why don't we have
this chat tomorrow, yeah?
329
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,991
Oh, sorry, Terry, I...
Yeah.
330
00:15:49,259 --> 00:15:51,063
It's OK, Alison, I've changed my mind.
331
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:52,739
I don't want you to talk to my wife.
332
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,560
- Right. Good.
- I want you to kill her.
333
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,016
- You what?!
- Well, don't you see?
334
00:15:56,076 --> 00:15:59,736
With any luck, she'll become a ghost, like me.
And we can be together for ever and ever.
335
00:15:59,796 --> 00:16:01,200
Great, great, yeah.
336
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:05,631
So, shall I push her in the lake or, ooh,
take her up to the roof and just throw her off?
337
00:16:05,692 --> 00:16:07,498
Either's fine, just don't mark her face.
338
00:16:07,559 --> 00:16:10,199
Of course I'm not going
to kill your wife, Pat!
339
00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:12,088
It's a terrible idea!
340
00:16:12,259 --> 00:16:13,459
I'm so sorry.
341
00:16:14,532 --> 00:16:17,783
What have I become?
I'm a monster!
342
00:16:18,259 --> 00:16:20,259
I'm a monster man!
343
00:16:29,881 --> 00:16:31,081
HE SIGHS
344
00:16:33,384 --> 00:16:34,785
ANOTHER SIGH
345
00:16:36,605 --> 00:16:39,628
Do you mock me, sir?
This is my sighing place.
346
00:16:39,693 --> 00:16:40,916
Hey!
347
00:16:40,977 --> 00:16:43,199
Pat not feel good today.
348
00:16:43,259 --> 00:16:45,820
It's death day tomorrow.
Family come.
349
00:16:45,881 --> 00:16:48,445
No, fine! I wasn't trying to work,
or anything.
350
00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:50,356
Let's make an evening of it.
351
00:16:50,417 --> 00:16:53,199
Bring wine!
And figs!
352
00:16:53,666 --> 00:16:56,319
I actually don't know
if I want them to come any more.
353
00:16:57,259 --> 00:17:01,487
I hate to be the one to tell you this,
Patrick, but eventually no-one will come.
354
00:17:01,573 --> 00:17:03,259
That's just the way of it.
355
00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:08,333
What Thomas try to say is...
356
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:09,827
you die...
357
00:17:11,967 --> 00:17:15,169
time pass, everything change.
358
00:17:16,305 --> 00:17:19,305
Family not come any more.
359
00:17:20,259 --> 00:17:21,542
Is pain,
360
00:17:21,998 --> 00:17:24,538
but you heal.
361
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,147
Yeah.
362
00:17:26,401 --> 00:17:29,290
You remember them here.
363
00:17:31,422 --> 00:17:33,878
And maybe, one day,
364
00:17:34,313 --> 00:17:36,248
you find new family.
365
00:17:38,259 --> 00:17:41,948
- Who fancies a pint, then?
- I'm gasping. You're buying, though.
366
00:17:42,009 --> 00:17:43,394
Wait up, guys!
367
00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:48,692
- Ohh. He stinks.
- He does a bit.
368
00:17:48,753 --> 00:17:49,953
Mm.
369
00:17:51,778 --> 00:17:53,864
Only real issue is core strength.
370
00:17:53,925 --> 00:17:56,321
That's known as a Norwegian picnic,
371
00:17:56,382 --> 00:17:58,199
you won't make many babies that way,
372
00:17:58,259 --> 00:18:02,285
but it sure is a lot of fun.
A lot of fun! Ha!
373
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:06,467
A Himalayan campsite is an
altogether more complicated position,
374
00:18:06,528 --> 00:18:08,824
involving four people and a rope swing.
375
00:18:08,885 --> 00:18:11,584
Now, the key to that is good ballast...
376
00:18:12,876 --> 00:18:14,091
Morning!
377
00:18:14,152 --> 00:18:16,587
Little treat for my favourite builders!
Oink-oink!
378
00:18:16,648 --> 00:18:19,088
- Bacon roll?
- Oh, yeah, lovely, thank you.
379
00:18:19,416 --> 00:18:21,001
- Cheers!
- Have a lovely day.
380
00:18:21,061 --> 00:18:23,199
- Cheers!
- Thank you. Have a lovely day.
381
00:18:23,259 --> 00:18:24,200
Mmm!
382
00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:27,345
- Mmm! What's with the bag?
- Gym.
383
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:29,134
The pub figured me out pretty quickly, so...
384
00:18:29,194 --> 00:18:30,995
Why don't you have a spa break
while you're at it?
385
00:18:31,055 --> 00:18:32,880
Mike, we can't afford to be joining gyms.
386
00:18:32,941 --> 00:18:34,867
It's a trial day.
It's free.
387
00:18:34,927 --> 00:18:36,569
How are you getting on with your
wheeling and dealing?
388
00:18:36,629 --> 00:18:39,212
- Good, actually.
- Well, I've got to go.
389
00:18:39,273 --> 00:18:41,100
I've actually really got to go.
390
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,575
- Morning.
- Morning!
391
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:45,199
Morning, Terry!
392
00:18:45,259 --> 00:18:46,941
- How are you?
- Yeah, fine.
393
00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:49,717
Just wondering if we could have
a chat about the drainage issue
394
00:18:49,777 --> 00:18:52,199
and see if we can come to
some sort of arrangement.
395
00:18:52,259 --> 00:18:53,569
Yeah, yeah, we'll find time for that.
396
00:18:53,629 --> 00:18:56,250
Look, we're going to finish off
that internal lattice work today, so
397
00:18:56,311 --> 00:18:58,038
I need you to take those curtains down.
398
00:18:58,099 --> 00:19:01,473
Can do, Terry. And I've got some
bacon rolls going, if you fancy one.
399
00:19:01,534 --> 00:19:02,914
No, I'm a vegan.
400
00:19:03,259 --> 00:19:04,563
Of course you are.
401
00:19:04,624 --> 00:19:06,199
SOFT GRUNT
Oh, God!
402
00:19:06,259 --> 00:19:08,259
HE CHUCKLES
403
00:19:11,188 --> 00:19:14,675
Morning!
Hey, guys. Hey, Wixy!
404
00:19:15,061 --> 00:19:17,199
TURNING UP MUSIC
405
00:19:17,259 --> 00:19:19,199
♪ In my imagination there is no hesitation ♪
406
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,199
♪ We walk together hand in hand ♪
407
00:19:21,259 --> 00:19:23,199
♪ I'm dreaming ♪
408
00:19:23,259 --> 00:19:25,199
♪ You fell in love with me ♪
409
00:19:25,259 --> 00:19:27,199
♪ Like I'm in love with you ♪
410
00:19:27,259 --> 00:19:29,199
♪ But dreaming's all I do ♪
411
00:19:29,259 --> 00:19:31,354
♪ If only they'd come true... ♪
412
00:19:31,415 --> 00:19:33,566
SINGING ALONG SOFTLY
413
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:37,585
Oh...
Ah!
414
00:19:45,108 --> 00:19:47,818
CAPTAIN: Look at that!
This could be our chance!
415
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,054
But we'll need help.
Fetch Mary.
416
00:19:52,684 --> 00:19:55,084
Don't push me, you cack-faced turnips.
417
00:19:57,027 --> 00:19:58,822
Come quickly!
SHE GASPS
418
00:19:58,883 --> 00:20:00,852
'Tis the Devil's work!
419
00:20:00,913 --> 00:20:02,587
SHE SIGHS.
He is amongst us.
420
00:20:02,648 --> 00:20:04,199
- Quick!
- The Devil?
421
00:20:04,259 --> 00:20:07,466
- What are you talking about?
- Right, quick as you like!
422
00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:10,199
- Right, here we go.
- Come on, be quick.
423
00:20:10,259 --> 00:20:13,744
All right. Don't pressure me, don't pressure me.
Go on! You know what to do, push.
424
00:20:13,805 --> 00:20:15,272
Push! Come on.
JULIAN STRAINS
425
00:20:15,864 --> 00:20:17,200
What?
What is it?
426
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:21,108
- Oh, I just thoughts I saw a swan.
- What?
427
00:20:21,256 --> 00:20:25,587
When we used to see a swan in our village,
that was the Devil at play.
428
00:20:26,323 --> 00:20:28,600
Well, nowadays that just means
that there's a swan.
429
00:20:29,081 --> 00:20:30,455
Oh, right.
430
00:20:30,962 --> 00:20:32,633
Look, there's loads of swans.
431
00:20:33,945 --> 00:20:35,738
Then the Devil is busy.
432
00:20:37,259 --> 00:20:39,012
STRAINING.
- Come on, man! Come on.
433
00:20:39,073 --> 00:20:40,200
Push it!
434
00:20:40,260 --> 00:20:41,734
Yes!
You've got it.
435
00:20:41,795 --> 00:20:43,179
- It's in!
- Well done, Jul...
436
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,468
Oh, here we go, here we go.
437
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:47,199
Oh, good Lord,
he's actually going to take it.
438
00:20:47,259 --> 00:20:49,368
He's taking the box.
He's taking the box!
439
00:20:49,429 --> 00:20:50,535
- Yes!
- Yes!
440
00:20:50,596 --> 00:20:53,206
That one be Lucifer's lackey, for sure.
441
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:59,087
No, wait, I also saw a goose!
442
00:21:13,259 --> 00:21:15,305
- Just a couple of chaps in the library...
- Hi.
443
00:21:15,366 --> 00:21:17,612
- Hello there.
- Just a couple of chaps in the library.
444
00:21:17,673 --> 00:21:19,381
Er, everything all right with you?
445
00:21:19,442 --> 00:21:21,606
No!
No, I've lost my engagement ring.
446
00:21:21,667 --> 00:21:24,224
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no!
447
00:21:24,285 --> 00:21:28,628
Oh, dear. Listen, we don't want to
be a couple of telltale-tits,
448
00:21:28,689 --> 00:21:30,199
- but...
- Julian, er, saw...
449
00:21:30,259 --> 00:21:32,915
Yes, I saw one of the builders
450
00:21:32,976 --> 00:21:36,530
heading out of the east wing just
moments ago looking tres, tres shifty.
451
00:21:36,591 --> 00:21:38,325
- Which one?
- The handsome one.
452
00:21:38,661 --> 00:21:41,831
Erm, the... chap with the arms.
Very strong.
453
00:21:42,503 --> 00:21:43,941
- Probably.
- What?
454
00:21:44,142 --> 00:21:45,342
Thanks.
455
00:21:51,139 --> 00:21:54,682
I am actually pretty gobsmacked
that you think it might've been one of us.
456
00:21:55,393 --> 00:21:58,472
Please, I just need you to open your
bags so I can check.
457
00:21:58,533 --> 00:22:02,067
LADY BUTTON: Come on!
Empty your pockets, riffraff!
458
00:22:05,259 --> 00:22:06,459
All right.
459
00:22:08,023 --> 00:22:09,331
There you go.
460
00:22:13,259 --> 00:22:14,902
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, dear.
461
00:22:14,963 --> 00:22:16,713
- Sticky fingers!
- Hmm.
462
00:22:16,774 --> 00:22:17,974
Is this it?
463
00:22:18,725 --> 00:22:21,199
I'm so sorry.
I didn't even know it was in there.
464
00:22:21,259 --> 00:22:22,696
I didn't take it, honest.
465
00:22:22,757 --> 00:22:24,463
- Likely story.
- Chinny reckon.
466
00:22:24,548 --> 00:22:27,038
It could have been knocked off
the workbench!
467
00:22:31,087 --> 00:22:32,678
You are so right.
468
00:22:33,259 --> 00:22:35,764
Yep.
And I'm... I'm so sorry.
469
00:22:35,825 --> 00:22:37,444
TERRY: It's a bit late for that, Alison.
470
00:22:37,505 --> 00:22:39,178
Today is going to be our last day.
471
00:22:39,239 --> 00:22:41,199
- Get in it!
- No, please don't go.
472
00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:42,416
Look, it's not my fault.
473
00:22:42,477 --> 00:22:45,254
I've been under a lot of stress
lately and...
474
00:22:45,315 --> 00:22:47,894
Would it help if I told you that
this house is haunted
475
00:22:47,955 --> 00:22:50,748
and I am being plagued by ghosts
who are making my life a misery?
476
00:22:50,809 --> 00:22:52,199
Not really, no.
477
00:22:52,259 --> 00:22:55,194
Ooh! A carriage!
Someone's coming!
478
00:23:05,478 --> 00:23:06,678
Carol!
479
00:23:17,794 --> 00:23:20,582
OK. You win.
What do you want me to say to them?
480
00:23:21,488 --> 00:23:23,068
I've had a think, Alison,
481
00:23:23,691 --> 00:23:25,930
and I've decided it's best
you don't say anything.
482
00:23:26,191 --> 00:23:27,824
I don't want them to worry about me.
483
00:23:27,885 --> 00:23:30,611
Let them get on with their lives,
and I'll get on with my...
484
00:23:31,909 --> 00:23:33,244
death.
485
00:24:09,558 --> 00:24:11,868
See you, then, mate.
Sorry it didn't work out.
486
00:24:11,929 --> 00:24:13,400
What?
You're leaving?
487
00:24:13,813 --> 00:24:17,685
Yeah, it all got a bit... you know?
488
00:24:23,182 --> 00:24:25,199
So, Pat, I did talk to them,
489
00:24:25,260 --> 00:24:27,020
but I didn't tell them about you.
490
00:24:27,259 --> 00:24:28,492
I asked about them.
491
00:24:28,553 --> 00:24:32,118
I figured you might like to know
that your son Daley is an accountant.
492
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:33,400
He's very happy.
493
00:24:33,461 --> 00:24:37,005
Carol's busy with the bowls club
and Morris is very sweet too,
494
00:24:37,066 --> 00:24:39,202
but unbelievably small.
495
00:24:41,886 --> 00:24:43,200
Thank you.
496
00:24:43,493 --> 00:24:45,215
Oh, and they called him Pat.
497
00:24:48,182 --> 00:24:49,651
Your grandson.
498
00:24:50,583 --> 00:24:52,539
BABY CRYING
499
00:25:09,023 --> 00:25:10,459
He's got my legs!
500
00:25:22,016 --> 00:25:25,395
Guys, I've got a grandson
and his name's Pat.
501
00:25:26,125 --> 00:25:27,770
Oh, I'm so proud I could burst.
502
00:25:30,259 --> 00:25:32,393
HE GASPS AND PANTS
503
00:25:34,149 --> 00:25:35,951
Guys, this is it!
504
00:25:37,859 --> 00:25:40,857
I feel great.
I think I'm moving on!
505
00:25:40,918 --> 00:25:42,906
I can see the light.
Can you see the light?
506
00:25:43,016 --> 00:25:44,853
You were all my family in a way,
507
00:25:44,914 --> 00:25:48,199
and I loved you all, apart from
Julian, who I didn't really trust,
508
00:25:48,259 --> 00:25:51,084
and, Lady Button, you need
to chill out, just relax, OK?
509
00:25:51,145 --> 00:25:54,199
And, Captain, the war's over, man.
It's over...
510
00:25:54,259 --> 00:25:56,557
- And...
- That's it, then, Wixy.
511
00:25:56,618 --> 00:25:58,619
- Yeah.
- We'll come back for the rest.
512
00:26:00,259 --> 00:26:02,157
Ah, this is awkward.
513
00:26:04,061 --> 00:26:05,334
No...
514
00:26:05,650 --> 00:26:08,607
Bye, Wixy.
Bye, Kevin.
515
00:26:09,091 --> 00:26:10,724
Bye, lunchbox.
516
00:26:16,259 --> 00:26:18,689
A baby.
That's nice.
517
00:26:18,833 --> 00:26:21,105
Still not quite sure how they're made.
518
00:26:21,321 --> 00:26:22,521
Oh, erm....
519
00:26:25,071 --> 00:26:28,071
And...
MONKEYS SCREECHING.
520
00:26:30,655 --> 00:26:31,993
Really?
521
00:26:32,468 --> 00:26:34,943
- Do they love each other?
- I hope so.
522
00:26:35,708 --> 00:26:38,074
Terry just said they were leaving.
What's going on?
523
00:26:38,212 --> 00:26:41,249
The charm offensive became... offensive.
524
00:26:41,624 --> 00:26:43,194
So, no deal on the drainage?
525
00:26:43,874 --> 00:26:45,199
Well, it's held out this long.
526
00:26:45,259 --> 00:26:46,885
- It's not as if...
- SPLASHING
527
00:26:47,157 --> 00:26:48,760
Oh, no.
528
00:26:49,532 --> 00:26:50,732
Huh!
529
00:26:53,969 --> 00:26:55,200
- Alison...
- Argh!
530
00:26:55,260 --> 00:26:57,807
- Please stop doing that!
- I was blocked,
531
00:26:57,868 --> 00:26:59,633
but that has passed.
532
00:26:59,927 --> 00:27:03,348
I have composed a poem
to express my feelings.
533
00:27:03,409 --> 00:27:05,600
Sure.
"Alison, we'll respect your boundaries.
534
00:27:05,661 --> 00:27:07,854
"It's bedtime so we'll probably
stay out of your room."
535
00:27:07,915 --> 00:27:12,037
I'm dreaming that you're in love with me.
536
00:27:13,001 --> 00:27:15,001
Like I'm in love with you...
537
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:18,864
But dreaming's all I do.
538
00:27:19,067 --> 00:27:21,563
If only they'd come true
539
00:27:21,696 --> 00:27:24,341
I should be so lucky.
540
00:27:24,892 --> 00:27:29,153
Lucky, lucky, lucky...
541
00:27:29,411 --> 00:27:32,864
BOTH:
- I should be so lucky...
542
00:27:32,973 --> 00:27:34,379
In love?
543
00:27:34,442 --> 00:27:38,199
What magic is this?
Our minds are entwined.
544
00:27:38,259 --> 00:27:39,686
How do you know my verse?
545
00:27:39,747 --> 00:27:43,079
Oh, I hate to tell you this,
but that is Kylie Minogue.
546
00:27:43,140 --> 00:27:44,798
What is a Kylie Min-ohg?
547
00:27:44,859 --> 00:27:47,581
She's an Australian singer,
548
00:27:47,642 --> 00:27:49,266
and that's one of her songs.
549
00:27:49,327 --> 00:27:51,775
I think you might have heard it
on the radio.
550
00:27:51,845 --> 00:27:53,614
It's catchy, isn't it?
551
00:27:53,755 --> 00:27:56,030
HE GASPS
What have I done?
552
00:27:56,091 --> 00:27:58,931
Please send correspondence to Miss Minogue,
553
00:27:58,992 --> 00:28:01,333
apologising in the sincerest possible terms
554
00:28:01,393 --> 00:28:03,818
for stealing her beautiful words.
555
00:28:03,896 --> 00:28:07,261
The shame is almost too much to bear!
556
00:28:07,322 --> 00:28:08,621
What have I done?!
557
00:28:09,204 --> 00:28:10,743
SHE LAUGHS
558
00:28:10,804 --> 00:28:12,360
What's so funny?
559
00:28:12,421 --> 00:28:14,428
Oh...
No, it doesn't matter.
560
00:28:14,608 --> 00:28:16,412
Oh, I'm sorry I didn't help you
with the drains.
561
00:28:16,473 --> 00:28:18,199
Never mind those ghosts, I think this house
562
00:28:18,259 --> 00:28:19,754
- is going to finish us off!
- No.
563
00:28:19,815 --> 00:28:22,001
We'll figure it out. Or rob a bank.
564
00:28:22,062 --> 00:28:23,667
And you know what?
565
00:28:24,259 --> 00:28:27,199
I won't let them get to me, either.
566
00:28:27,259 --> 00:28:28,546
Ooh, the full monty!
567
00:28:28,607 --> 00:28:29,826
Yeah!
568
00:28:29,887 --> 00:28:31,549
Here I am.
Huh?
569
00:28:31,865 --> 00:28:34,791
Come on!
I'm not afraid of you!
570
00:28:34,852 --> 00:28:36,278
Hah!
Get a good look!
571
00:28:36,339 --> 00:28:38,600
I don't care.
Watch it!
572
00:28:38,660 --> 00:28:40,880
Yeah, not scaring me.
I'm not...
573
00:28:40,941 --> 00:28:42,199
IN THE DISTANCE:
...scared!
574
00:28:42,260 --> 00:28:44,199
OWL HOOTS
575
00:28:44,796 --> 00:28:46,276
CLUNKING
What was that?
576
00:28:46,842 --> 00:28:48,270
It's probably nothing.
577
00:28:48,758 --> 00:28:53,358
Synced & corrected by minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
42970
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