All language subtitles for Blackish s05e22_English

Announcer: What is an
undesirable emotional response

to the threat
of pain or danger?

Dre: Fear!

I live in fear every day.

And if you don't, there's
something wrong with you.

Oh, oh, oh.
Easy.

It's just
the Black experience

makes some of us
acutely aware

that danger's lurking
around every corner.

Watch the kicks,
Big D.

All right, you got it.

And if you're not careful,
you will get got.

What's up, Charlie?

What up, dawg?

Dre...you have got to try
these Blue Point oysters.

They are...

Mmm!

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Fear!

-I'm good.
-What?

They're delicious!

Come on.
Hey...

[ Chanting "Dre!" ]

He's Dre.

[ Retching ]

Oh, God.

What happened?
What could've caused this?

I don't know, boss.

It was probably something we ate
before the oysters.

And danger lurks everywhere,
even at home.

Uhp! Got a text
from the Pruitts.

They will be here
in 10 minutes.

Hey, should we light a fire
in the fireplace?

[ Gasps ]
That would be so cozy.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Fear!

Or we could just
turn the thermostat up.

That --
That would be cozy, too.

I'll light it, Mom.

[ Gas hissing ]

[ Lighter clicking ]

♪♪

[ Hissing continues ]

[ Explosion ]
Oh, hell!

[ Gasps ]

Oh, it's --
it's --

It's not so bad,
sweetheart.

Really?

You look like a dolphin.

What?

[ Imitating dolphin ]

As you can see, my reasonable
and life-saving fear

did not get passed on
to my children.

Dad, you know Emily
and Dakota Copeland, right?

No. I don't.
[ Sighs ]

But they sound white,
so go on.

Well, they go to
Valley Glen with us,

and their parents are
taking them to ride quads

in the desert
for the weekend.

Okay.

And, hmm,
I wonder who they invited?

Was it me?
Uh, yes it was!

Was it you?
Yes. It was!

And can you be abducted
in plain sight?

Uh, no, you can't.

[ Chuckles ]
Skrrt.

What -- What
just happened?

Uh, Mom, your husband said "no"
after you said "yes."

Check him, please.

Oh, excuse me.

Uh, wait a minute.
Did you tell these kids

that they could go die
in the desert with strangers?

Yes, Dre, but I made them
promise that they wouldn't die.

Do you promise
you're not gonna die?

Both: We promise.

See?

We have rules, Bow.

Oh, God.

And one of them is
no overnight trips

until they're 16.

Dre, our rules have eased up
with each one of our children.

Zoey couldn't use the microwave
until she was 12 years old.

Look at us now.

[ Yawns ]

Ah, hey,
what's up, Devante?

You hungry?

Go put it
in the microwave.

Two minutes, all right?

And bring back
two forks!

All right. Look,
but we were never lax

on this rule,
all right?

The twins are too young
to go off with strangers.

Strangers drive vans
and wear overcoats.

The Copelands
are school friends.

Dad, please.

I've got to learn
the desert.

I'm gonna need to bury something
out there one day.

-What?
-Yeah.

And I've never been to a place
where you can literally

pee anywhere
and it's okay.

I don't care.

Anything can happen when
a parent isn't there

to look after
their child.

Mama, what was the name
of that kid,

uh, from
the old neighborhood?

You talking about,
uh, Chris Hardy?

Mm-hmm.
Who got tooken at the zoo.

And -- And --
And the other one.

Little Danielle Cooper, who got
tooken at a sleep-away camp.

Mm-hmm.
Oh!

And don't forget
Gordon Campbell,

who got tooken
trying to took that little girl.

Those are really
extreme examples.

Okay, no, babe...

So -- Yes.

...the world is a dangerous
place, okay?

No, it's not,
sweetheart.

That's why I keep the kids
who live under my roof

under my roof.

-Okay.
-[ Sighs ]

Go wash your hands,
and clean your attitude.

That was
a little hankty.

[ Scoffs ]

Dre?
Hmm?

They have cellphones.

They know not to leave
each other alone.

Mm-hmm.

And we've had tons of
conversations with them

about body safety.

They're gonna
be fine.

Yeah, of course they're
gonna be fine, babe,

because they're
not going.

You know he's right
not to let them kids go.

Okay, I'm not gonna have
a conversation with somebody

who thinks "tooken"
is a word.

-[ Chuckles ]
-It's not a word.

-Rainbow.
-Yes?

I'm not gonna
took that personally.

You --
You probably should.

Yeah.

Thanks for
taking me out, Pops.

It's nice to have
some one-on-one time.

Well, I was tired of you
moping around the house

after your break-up.

Plus, you're paying.

[ Chuckles ]
Uh, we're gonna hang at the bar.

Thank you.

Looking good, Nadine.

You still walking around
the park in the morning?

I sure am.

Those ankle weights
are doing the thing, girl.

This is my man,
Andre.

Hey.

So, how do you
know Nadine?

Oh, uh,
we hung out once --

horizontally.

Nice lady.

[ Chuckles ]

Dirty martini
for you, sir,

from the woman
over there.

Ohh. I see you in that dress,
Camille.

Lifting with your legs
at that Amazon factory.

[ Chuckles ]

This is my man,
Andre.

Hey.

Who is she?

Camille.

Very nice lady.

Can I get
you anything?

I'll just have a seltzer
with a splash of O.J.

Can't handle
your liquor?

Oh.
[ Chuckles ]

Well, no, I'm just --
I'm just not 21.

The mustache fooled ya.

Don't worry,
you are not the first one.

Last week, I wasn't carded
at an R-rated movie.

You know, no bigs.

[ Chuckles ]

Damn, son.

For 19 years,
you have observed the master,

and you seem to
have learned nothing.

You have got to
up your game, Junior.

Well, my game
is no game.

Yeah,
that's not a thing.

Hmm.

I brought you top-shelf O.J.
because you're cute.

Are you busy later?

Not at all.

Oh, I-I-I --
Actually, that isn't true.

I do have one thing,
but I can move it.

Great.

Damn.

Looks like I'm taking
an Uber home.

Yep.

Looks like you are.

[ Dre sighs ]

Oh, what's wrong,
Dre, huh?

Did another thing
ruin "Empire"?

What? No.

Bow wants to send our kids
to their death

by having them spend the weekend
with a random family.

What's the problem
with that?

Yeah.

My parents made sure I spent
every holiday, birthday,

and weekend
with other families.

I got so much out of it, I'm
still unpacking those trips...

with my therapist.

Come on, Dre. You can't
keep your kids locked down.

I let Eustace
spread his wings.

Mm-hmm.

Now he's become a confident,
independent little entrepreneur.

In fact, he bought his first
apartment building.

Wow.

He's now my landlord.

You don't get it.

All right, anything can happen
when they're not in my sight.

Like, they could get their arms
stuck in a boulder.
What?

Or they could get abducted
by some religious cult

and kept on
some weird compound.

Oh, please.

Yeah, where they're forced
to rock denim on denim.

That's weird.
I hate when that happens.

Look, it's up to me
to look out for them,

because the world sees little
Black children as expendable.

You never see
a Netflix documentary

about missing Black kids.

So? You -- You never see
a documentary

about middle-aged white guys
who can't get an erection,

but you don't hear me
complaining.

Yeah.

Look, all I'm saying is, I don't
trust anyone with my children.

Um, not totally true.

You let that ride-share driver
pick up your kids

from a Clippers game when you
wanted to stay late.

That was only for
a 15-minute ride,

and I stayed on the phone with
my children the entire time.

Plus, that driver was not
some geek off the street.

Garbadon had 4.9 stars.

[ Cellphone rings ]
[ Laughing ] Okay.

Oh!
[ Chuckles ] Sorry.

It's my landlord.

Mr. Eustace?

Hey.

My rent check bounced?

[ Chuckles ]
Just...

Dre, what about
teachers or coaches?

I mean, you've already left them
with a ton of adults

who could do
whatever to them.

Stevens: Mm-hmm.

You know what,
you're right.

From now on, I'm gonna be
even more on top of it.

I think you
missed the point.

Just hearing
my co-workers

made me realize that
I was absolutely right.

There's no way my kids
were going on that trip.

Hey.
Hey.

About the twins going away
with the Copelands.
Uh-huh.

Look, babe, I told you
it's not happening.

I don't know
these people.

Well, I do, okay?
Okay.

And you are gonna get to know
them, too, right now.

You remember
Amy and Banner.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Shrieks ]

Fear!

[ Whimpers ]

Compound people!

We're here to
take your children.

Twins will please
our god the most.

Is he all right?

He's never
really all right.

Yeah.

His mother did
quite a number on him.

You ambushed me.
What?

Marriage is supposed
to be about trust.

So, you're telling me that
if I had told you in advance

the Copelands
were coming,

you would've trusted
it was a good idea?

No, because trust
is a one-way street.

This isn't rational.

Sometimes you get scared
because you're doing things

that are outside
of your comfort zone.

Name one.

Korean barbecue.

[ Gong rings ]

This was a great call
to come here, babe.

Mm.

Ah.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Shrieking ]

I don't know
what that is.

I don't know
how to cook that.

I don't know
what's happening.

I don't want
to die here!

O-Okay, Bow.

I don't want your fear
to ruin something

that could be really fun
for the kids.

-Hey.
-Hi, guys.

Diane: Hey, guys.

You lock down
your man yet?

No. She hasn't.

Come on.
I want this trip.

If it doesn't happen,
I'm going to remember this

when you're
old and feeble.

What?
What?

I'm not threatening.

I'm just saying.

Jack: Mm.

That was a threat.

That's how she threatens.

Ooh. This is what we
put out for company?

Okay.

It...

Trust me, okay?

They're gonna
be fine.

I'm a doctor.

What does that
have to do with anything?

I don't know, dude.

Just go over there
and talk to them.

All righty.

Here you go.

Wow.

[ Sighs ]
You know what's funny?

The kids have been
in school together for so long,

and we've
never done this.

Probably because we've been so
busy doing all those murders.

What?

I'm kidding.
[ Laughter ]

We know Bow invited us
because you don't trust us

to take your kids.

Okay, but -- but --
I didn't quite say that.

I -- It was -- I --
It's 'cause -- I wanted --

Okay, well, why should we
trust you with our kids?

I-I don't see yours.

What happened?
Did you lose them?

[ Laughs ]

No.
They're with my mother --

who has completed
CPR training.

Huh.

She did not
want to do it,

but if she wanted
to see her grandkids,

that's the price
that she had to pay.

Okay.

Go on.

Before the kids
get on the ATVs,

they have to complete
a two-hour training session

with written
and verbal tests.

And if one kid fails,
none of them go.

None of them.

Some people think
it's a little much.

[ Gasps ]
I'm a little much.

Yeah, but I don't care
what other people say.

Neither do I!

As a pediatrician, I
see what happens to kids

who are unsupervised.

You --
You're a pediatrician?

Wow!

It makes me feel better
knowing that my kids

will be with a doctor.

Listen, our family motto is,
"You can never be too safe."

That's my motto!

Yes, it is.

See? Huh?

Dre, lock eyes with me.

I did not save
my entire platoon in Fallujah

just to come back here and
lose your kids in the desert.

Thank you
for your service.

And you can have my kids.

[ Chuckles ]

I also have a 19-year-old.

Can you take him
along with you?

He could use
some toughening up.

[ Laughs ]

I did this.
I did this, Dre.

I -- This is, like, all --
all me.

Oh, my God.

I live in the guest house

because I gave the main house
to my son.

He's got a family,
after all.

Hey there, Earl.

Hey, Junior.

What you doing
back here?

I-I came to
scoop up Sasha.

A second date?
[ Chuckles ]

Man, I don't get that.

They call me
Earl "One and Done" Johnson,

like I played ball
at Kentucky.

Ah.

Well, um, I'm gonna invite her
to a music festival

in Santa Barbara
tomorrow.

You just got out
of a relationship.

This is love 'em
and leave 'em time, son.

Oh, Pops. [ Chuckles ]
No, that's your thing.

I don't hate women.

Hey, Sasha.
What's up, girl?

It was Saturday night,

and while the kids were on
their adventure in the desert,

I decided to go on
a little adventure of my own

back to Korean barbecue.

Ah.
[ Sniffs ]

Mm.
Baby, this is nice.

So nice.

And you know what, babe?
Mm?

Let's see a movie
after this.

Oh, I love that idea.

Oh!
Even better.

Hmm?

Why don't we take
the long way home, Dre?

Okay.

Via the Ritz-Carlton.

We haven't via'd
the Ritz-Carlton in a minute.

No, honey.
We have not.

Okay, babe,
you know what?

You book the room.
I'll do it right now.

I'll check in
with the kids

to make sure they don't
interrupt us later.

Okay.

Oh, hey, babe.
Mm-hmm?

Don't worry about
using points.

Full price?

Full price.

Sexy.
Mm-hmm.

Diane:
Hi, this is Diane.

If you leave a message, I'm
deleting your contact info.

[ Voicemail beeps ]

Fear?

Diane went to voicemail.

Really?
Don't leave a message.

You know she doesn't
mess around.

Yeah.
[ Laughs ]

I'll call Jack.

Jack:
You dialed right, baby.

This is Jack.
[ Voicemail beeps ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Fear!

Jack went
to voicemail, too.

Mm, they're probably just in
a spot that has no coverage.

You can call them
on the way to the hotel.

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

Mm-hmm.

Definitely.
Uh...

Look at this.

All right.
We are booked, babe.

Okay.
Oh, hey, hey, babe?

Look, I think
that's Jose Canseco

sitting over there
with no shirt on.

What?

I'm -- I'm gonna ask
for an autograph.

I'll be right back.

[ Laughing ]
You're ridiculous.

Oh, no, wait, I don't think
that's who you think it is.

Well, I've got a lot of work
to catch up on,

so I'm gonna need at least
eight hours of sleep tonight.

Fine, seven and a half.

I'll go grab my things.

Hey.
Let me holler at you.

Yeah.

I do not hate women.
What?

Oh, no, no, no.

I didn't --
I didn't mean it like that.

I meant you treat women
like you hate them.

Just -- You talking out
the side of your neck, now, boy.

Pops, you hook up
with women,

and then you never
call them again.

It's harsh.

It's not harsh.
It's honest.

It's better
than your M.O.

And what's that?

Oh, meet a girl
and wife her up.

You did with Megan.
You did it with Niecy.

You the type of guy
that'll wind up

being a step-daddy
at the age of 20.

I will take that
as a compliment.

I would be proud to be the dad
that they get to choose.

Hey.

Keep an eye on my grandpa
for me, will you?

He's not allowed
to have grapefruit juice

with his medication.

We out.

See...

they call me
"M'granpa."

It's African.

♪♪

Dre.

Dude, you've been gone
for 20 minutes.

I had to order more meat
so I could stay at the table.

Yeah, yeah.
Baby, I still haven't been able

to get in contact
with the kids.

Oh.

And Missing Persons
hung up on me when I told them

I knew where they were
and who they were with

and that I gave them
permission to go.

Okay, um...

They're in the desert

with a man who's trained
to survive the desert.

Mm-hmm.
They're fine.

Okay. I mean, you know,
it makes sense.

But, you know, he did only
say he was in the war.

And on the real, baby,
we never asked him

what side he fought for.

What?

And is Amy even really
a pediatrician?

Dre, please don't do this.

Do what?

I got to find
Jack and Diane.

Dre -- Dre, you can't -- you
cannot drive a luxury vehicle

off-road in the desert.

Watch me.

[ Metallic cranking ]

I guess you can't
take a luxury vehicle

off-roading
in the desert!

♪♪

♪♪

[ Scoffs ]

There you have it.

You ruined a car
and a pair of shoes.

I don't care, Bow.

I don't know where
my children are.

Oh, my God, Dre, why can't you
just accept that they're fine?

Because we don't know.

Well -- [ Sighs ]

What if Jack
is out there lost

because he wandered off
in the middle of the night?

What if Diane is hurt
because she fell off an ATV?

Babe, I can't shake
the thought of my children

calling out for me,
and I'm not there.

Imagine that
for a second.

Yeah.

Okay.

I get that.

I do.

I remember when Zoey
went off to college.

The first time
I called her

and she didn't
answer the phone --

Oh, my God.

I went to her room,
and I folded and refolded

her sweater drawer
26 times.

Now that's insane.

Maybe,
but it calmed me down.

It made me feel like
she was okay.

Really?

Really.

Dre, we have done everything
the right way.

Yeah.

So, now, we just have
to find ways to cope

that are better than
driving off to the desert

in the middle
of the night

and leaving me alone
at a Korean barbecue

to take an Uber home
smelling like beef!

Yeah.

Yeah, we do.

You know,
I hit a tumbleweed out there.

Did you?
I think it was a tumbleweed.

It made a loud yelp.

What?

Yeah.
The desert's weird like that.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

Hey, Pops.

What you doing here,
Junior?

I thought you was on a date
with your new lady friend.

Or did you
marry her already?

[ Scoffs ]

I invited Sasha to meet Mom,
and she freaked out.

Damn, son.

She called me "thirsty,"
then kicked me out.

Damn, son!

You were right, Pops.

I need to stop being
the relationship guy

and be more like you --

you know, love them, leave them,
get shot, come back, love them.

Junior, I don't
want you to change.

I just want you
to have a little fun.

Take some space to
figure out what you want

before you
decide to commit.

I hear you, Pops.

And I thought about
what you said.

I'm gonna ask
Nadine out again.

Ankle lady?
Really?

I could go for the second date,
see what all the fuss is about.

[ Chuckles ]

Good for you, Pops.

Yep.
And if that works out,

maybe I'll ask Marsha
on a second date.

Oh, yeah,
and maybe Ruth.

Okay.

[ Grunts ]

Ooh.

Yeah.

And Mary.

Quite contrary.

Ooh, she's hella fine.

Everyone copes
in different ways

with the fear of their kids
being out in the real world.

I did it by
taking in their rooms.

And, yeah, it made me
feel closer to them.

But I only did it six times
that night.

I'm not insane like Bow.

And I came down
the next morning

to the sweetest
sound ever.
[ Laughter ]

So, when you pee on sand,
there's all this back splash.

Who knew?

No one,
because we're not animals.

Dre: Yes, you are.
[ Laughs ]

Hey, Dad.

Hey.
So, did you guys have fun?

Yeah.
It was great.

The Copelands let us sleep
on top of the RV

and do target practice.

With what?

Huh?

Well, in a few months, they're
gonna be going to Joshua Tree.

Can we go?

Sure.

Hey, but make sure
you tell your mother,

because she gets a little weird
when you guys go away.

Okay.

And a little later, the three of
us can go get some ice cream.

-Both: Okay.
-All right.

Hey, come here.

I missed you guys.

[ Dramatic music plays ]
We missed you, too.

Love.

[ Whispering ]
But still fear.

Hey.

Hey.
You're up late.

Yep.
[ Sighs ]

Goodnight, son.

Were you up
waiting on me?

Hell no.
[ Scoffs ]

I do some of my best reading
at midnight on Wednesday.

Okay, look at this, Pops.
You were waiting on me.

Man, you got a list of
all my hang-outs crossed off.

You...

You called
the hospitals?

[ Sighs ]

Pops, you do love me.

No, I don't.

It's just that,
if something happened to you,

I got to find
a new place to live.

I love you, too, Pops.
[ Door slams ]