All language subtitles for Baby.Daddy.S06E09.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪♪

Oh, by the way,
congratulations

on never having sex
with anyone else
ever again.

-You mean getting married?
-Yeah, that's what I said.

Sondra:
Hold the elevator.

Let go.

(mouths "No")

So, how's it goin'?

Oh, I'll tell you
how it's goin'.

Not good.

Worst week
of my entire life.

One day, we're running
down the beach in Aruba
hand-in-hand,

and the next,
it's a text that says
"I never want to see you again."

-How could he do this to me?
-(mouths "I hate you so much")

We were so good together.

I mean, I should have
seen the signs.

Sometimes, he would
pretend to be asleep
when I started talking to him...

Dude. You just missed
an epic meltdown.

Apparently,
Sondra got dumped.

Seems fair to me.

She broke his ears
and he broke her heart.

Hey, really?

She broke up
with Dr. Mike?

But they were
so happy together.

They just got back
from Aruba.

Uh, why do you know so much
about Sondra's love life?

No reason. Man,
I-- I see things online.

He likes her.

That-that-that-
that-that-that's not true.

Yes, it is.

I liked you better
when you couldn't talk.

(theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing
how the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change direction ♪

Yeah, yeah, okay?

Sometimes, I still
think about Sondra.

So do I, you know,
when the smoke alarm goes off
or the teapot screeches.

Dude, but she was funny,
and nice,

and she made me feel special.

Honestly, I broke up with her

because I was tired
of people always giving me
such a bad time.

But sometimes, those people
were funny about it.

Dare I say "clever"?

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go up there right now,

and I'm just gonna tell her
how I feel.

No, no, dude.

You never wanna be the guy
right after a breakup.

That's the rebound guy,
and he never lasts.

You wanna be the guy
after the rebound guy.

He's got the best chances
of going the distance.

Wait. So I'm just supposed
to wait around for her

to find some rebound guy.
How long is that gonna take?

Well, in her case,
possibly forever?

Yo. I'll be your rebound guy.
I've left tons of girls,

who then met the men
of their dreams,

and went on to live happy,
fulfilling lives.

True. I mean, you are their
last stop before happiness.

Dude, this could work.

Yeah, let's make a list
of all the places

you could pretend
to run into Sondra.

-How about the lobby?
-And my list is done.

You want a sandwich?

♪ I got my dumplings
on my belly ♪

♪ And I'm feelin' fine ♪

♪ Gonna have me some mushu ♪

♪ It's Chinese food time ♪

(knocking)

Yep. Just a minute.

Aw. Damn it.

I was trying to get you
to open the door.

I figured you could
use some exercise, chubs.

Yeah, well, you only crawl
to the front door three times
before you figure that one out.

Oh.

Hey, Ma, Riley and I
are about to head out
to dinner.

-What's this?
-Oh, that's just
the end of her lunch.

She doesn't like
to stop eating for too long.

Good evening,
everyone.

I'm Roger,
Ms. Perrin's assistant.

I try to remind people who I am
because I'm often forgotten.

Oh, hey. Isn't this
that cool stroller we wanted?

It's from Ms. Perrin's mother.
She had it delivered
to the office,

and I thought I should
bring it right over.

It's advanced in design
and very comfortable.

There weren't any seats
on the subway.

I should go.

Oh, my God.

Aw, don't you just love it?

That was so thoughtful
of my mom.

Yeah. Mom, take our picture
so we can send it to her.

Oh. Yeah, sure, okay.

Cheese.

All I know is that you guys
are gonna be thrilled
with my gift.

I mean, it is perfect.

So, um, what would
you guys consider
a perfect gift?

Well, there is this crib
we've kind of had our eye on.

Oh, yeah, a crib. Yes.

I mean, a crib is way
cooler than a stroller.

Consider it done.

Oh, God.
Is that the price?

Just throw some blankets
in an old cardboard box.

I mean, that's what I did
with Ben and Danny
and they turned out fine...

ish.

But, Mom,
don't worry about it.

-It's too expensive.
-No, no, no.

A crib is what you want,
and a crib is what
you're gonna get.

God, I wonder if
I'm sober enough
to sell my blood.

Aw, what the hell.
Whoever gets it
is gonna have a great time.

Oh, dang. I gotta
get me one of these.

Hey, uh, I know
we talked about that crib,
but it's pretty big.

Where we gonna put it?

Oh, well, I was kind of
assuming we'd get a new place
once the baby arrives.

You wanna move?
But I love living here.

Kenny, the kitchen sink
doesn't work,

none of the cabinets close,
and there's zero room
for the baby.

I mean,
we need a new place.

But the baby lives in
such a small place right now.

I mean, how much
room does it need?

And we live so close
to my mother and my brother.

Exactly.

So, when you start listing
things for the pro column,
let me know.

-Ben.
-(shrieks)

I forgot to tell you,
don't forget to talk
about cats.

All right? Sondra loves cats.

She's also really
fond of rainbows,

so if you can connect
the cats to the rainbows,
then you're definitely in.

Cats and rainbows.

Wow, she is special.

I'm sorry. I've just been
thinking about her a lot lately,

and I don't want you
to screw this up.

Tucker, please.
You're talking to the master.

Okay? I don't need
any of your lame tips.

Oh. Here she comes.

Uh, hey, Sondra.
Hold the elevator.

Thanks.

Wow. You look
so nice today.

Did I ever tell you about
my cat named Rainbow?

(grunts) There.

One kitchen repair done.

Oh!

(grunting)

Hi, husband.
Aw, I just love saying that.

Whoa. Why are you all wet?

Um, wet with sweat.

It's sweat.

Just had a crazy hard workout.

I was about to run my head
under the faucet,
but I'll wait until you're gone.

Um, hey, remember
the other night when you said
we should move

because of all the stuff
that's wrong with the apartment?

If It was fixed,
I think we should stay.

Yeah... like that's
ever gonna happen.

Oh, it's happening.

Whoa. Ah. (grunts)

(dings)

(wheels squeaking)

Uh, Mrs. Wheeler?

Oh. (gasps)
Surprise!

It's here.
The crib you wanted.

All assembled
and ready for the baby.

A human baby?

Did you find this
on a curb?

Hey. I had to fight
somebody for this.

He wanted to throw it
in a garbage truck.

-Are you sure it's safe?
-Of course, it's safe.

Oh! Oh!

And the best part is,

it's collapsible
for easy storage.

Hey, man, you better
get out of here.

Sondra's gonna
be here any minute.

Yeah, okay, but-but
just so we're clear...

you're gonna respect
the Bro Code and not
sleep with her, right?

Well, if I do, I won't know
if you got mad,

because I killed myself
immediately after.

-Okay.
-(knocking)

Knock-knock. Guess who.

Oh, I'd know that
knock-knock anywhere.

I have to say, I never thought
I'd be having drinks
with Ben Wheeler.

Oh. I brought those pictures
you wanted to see

of Mr. Whiskers
and Professor Mustard
in their shower caps.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.
Two seconds.

Okay, I'm ready.

So, Sondra...
what have you been up to?

Oh, my God, so much.

This morning on my way
to the grocery store,

I saw a produce stand
with local fruit,
but not organic.

Anyway,
the grocery store has
organic fruit but not local.

So what am I supposed to do?
Because I'm very particular
about my fruit.

Especially stone fruits.
Stone fruits are harvested
between June and September,

so that makes them
summer fruits, you know,
like peaches or plums...

I mean, I only came to tell you
that I wasn't interested,

but here I am-- interested!

And do you know why?

I really don't know
what, um...

You're a great listener.

I already feel like
I can tell you anything.

It's so hard to connect
with people, right?

I went out with this guy
the other day,
and we did not connect at all.

But I guess it's like
my Aunt Pari said right before
she fell into that sinkhole,

"Sondra, you never know
when you're gonna fall!"

Whoa. Whoa, whoa,
back up.

You went out with
someone after Dr. Mike?

Oh, my God,
that is so sweet.

You're jealous.

But you have nothing
to worry about,
he was just the rebound guy.

You know, the one after
the serious relationship
that never works?

That's not
a hard and fast rule.

Well, it's the person after that
that really means something,
and that's you.

Isn't that great timing?

My mom was right,
they just don't make
these bottles big enough.

(shrill giggling)

Are you kidding me?

Wait. So she already
went out with the rebound guy,

and if I would have
asked her out like I wanted to,

then she'd be crushing
on me now?

Dude, you're missing
the bigger picture.

My rebound theory
completely works.

You're gonna up there
right now, and you're gonna
dump her.

You got it.

Can I do it next week, though?
She got us tickets
to my favorite band.

Oh. Hey, babe.
How are ya?

Haven't seen you all day.

Yeah, that's 'cause
I've been at work all day.

It's almost 9:00,
and I'm exhausted.
All I wanna do--

Is sit down, kick back,
and have a nice, long dinner?

Oh, my God,
that sounds amazing.

Oh. Perfect.
Let's go right now.

Or you can go by yourself.

Have you started day drinking?

Wow!

Don't Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler
look super great today?

-I kept my name.
-Yeah, I know, I was talking
about me and Danny.

But, listen,
I need you, okay?

We are going on a little
adventure, so let's go.

Uh, no, I'm not going
anywhere except to bed.

Oh. Well, we are going
to be sleeping out tonight.

Yeah. Go out.
Sleep over. Girls' night.

-Whoo!
-Have fun, on me!

Oh, my God! Move, move!

So, as I was saying, Mr. Liu...

If we could just keep this
between us, that'd be great.

You really wanna go
crib shopping right now?

The stores are gonna
close in, like, ten minutes.

I know, that's why
we have to hurry.

I found that stupid
crib you want,

and the first person
in the store tomorrow morning
gets it for 50% off.

Well then, why are we--

-Huh?
-No.

Oh, no, no.

I am not waiting in line
on some frozen curb
all night for a crib.

But I will bring you coffee
first thing in the morning.

Oh, we're not waiting in line.

Why wait in a regular line
when you can recline

in the comfort
of the furniture department?

You know, I have to say,
it was pretty exciting
playing a pregnant mannequin.

Mm, yeah. Oh.

(distant barking)

Is that a dog?

I didn't know
they sold dogs here.

Unless they're
security dogs.

Yeah, you know what,
you're probably right.

-(loud barking)
-Oh, my God.

Run!

Wait. So you actually
made me come down here

just to tell me that you think
our date was one of the worst
nights of your life?

Well, besides being a jerk,
I'm also incredibly lazy.

Ben Wheeler, I'm never
speaking to you again.

Dude. What's wrong with you?
Why didn't you ask her out?

I did exactly what you said.

Anybody is gonna look good
compared to me now.

I preheated the oven,
man, put the meat in!

God. Man, come on, I panicked.

Okay? I mean, what if
your theory really is right

and she actually needs
a rebound guy
to recover from you?

We'll just find somebody
who won't be real
competition for you,

and is naive enough to do
exactly as we say
and not ask any questions.

Oh. Hi, guys.

Ms. Perrin's husband...

Mr. Perrin asked me
to run and grab zip ties,
a tarp and a hacksaw.

I think he might
have killed somebody.

Hey, Roger, how would you
like to meet a nice girl?

Well, I'm actually
already seeing someone.

Even better.

Bonnie:
Wait. I don't hear barking.
Maybe he's gone.

(dog snarls)

I just need something
that I can throw out there
to distract him.

What do you weigh now?

Why did I let you
force me into this?

Me? If it wasn't for you
and that fancy-ass crib

you insisted that I buy,
we wouldn't even be here.

-(scoffs)
That I insisted?
-Yeah.

No. You know what?
I am done.

I am done apologizing to you.

Well, you know what,
I am done caring about you.

(whining)
"I need a million-dollar crib
to put my giant baby in it,

'cause I'm..."

Wow, Mrs. Wheeler.

It really is just so easy
for you to hurt my feelings,
isn't it?

You know, I have spent
my entire life trying
to get you to like me.

And for what? More verbal slaps
to the heart than one person
should have to take?

I mean, why don't you like me?

What have I ever done
to you that is so bad?

(scoffs)
You know what, forget it.
Never mind.

Well--

You know, Riley,
I can't forget it.

Because I agree with you.

I have been hard on you...

but it's not because
I don't care about you.

If I didn't care about you,
I would ignore you.

You're smart...

beautiful...

and you're the best thing
that ever happened to my son.

One of the happiest days
of my life was when you told me

that you were pregnant
with Danny's baby.

You're right,
I don't like you.

I love you.

-Really?
-I just said it.

Mrs. Wheeler...

I love you, too.

(chuckles)

You know...

you can call me "Mom" now.

Thanks...

Mrs. Wheeler.

I'll get there.

Oh, my God.
Dude, what if Roger
screws this up?

Like, what if he makes
Sondra swear off men forever?

Turns her into a lesbian,
and then I got to get Riley
to go in and switch her back?

Not sure that's how
it works, but I like
your train of thought.

Let's think of other
women we can send in.

(knocking)

Dude, where have you been?

You were gone
for almost three hours.

I know she's chatty,
and you're spineless,

but good God, man,
learn how to make an exit!

Just tell me what happened.
You casually ran
into her in the lobby...

And then I asked her
to go for coffee,
just like you said,

but then she asked me if I was
another "lying son-of-a-bitch
macho-egomaniac."

I wasn't sure what you guys
wanted me to say,
so, I said no.

Good answer.

And then we went
to this coffee place,
and she started talking,

and talking, and talking,
and then she talked some more.

Yeah, we're familiar
with her condition.

Come on, man,
just bottom line me, man.

Did you get her to fall for you
like you were supposed to?

-I most certainly did.
-Excellent. Now all
you gotta do is break up.

-Already done.
-Yes.

It wasn't easy,
but I called my girlfriend
and I broke it off.

I'm sorry.
You did what?

I had to.

It wouldn't be fair
to keep dating her, when
my heart belongs to another.

Oh, did you meet someone
when you were out with Sondra?

No. Sondra.

She is the girl
of my dreams.

When she talks,
I hear angels.

Speaking of which,
my angel is waiting
for me upstairs.

Wow. I did not--

Okay, don't worry about it.

-I'll go up and stop Roger.
-No. No, man, I'm done.

I'm done playing
your stupid games.

I'm just gonna go
up there right now
and tell her how I feel.

Wait, now?
No, Tucker, wait.

Hey, bro, let's talk
about this, man, come on.

(both grunting)

So I feel a little guilty,
but, oh, my God,

I hope I love my baby
as much as I love my new crib.

That guilt you feel?
Push it away.

I switched the price tags
on the coat I'm wearing.

Look at my eyes... nothing.

(mechanical whirring)

Riley:
Danny.

-What are you doing?
-Riley, hi.

Wow. Is it morning?
Yeah, it's morning.

Just doing a couple
of home repairs.

Okay.

Well, you said if I fixed
all the stuff that was broken,

then maybe
we wouldn't have to move.

You're moving?

And I let you hug me.

Danny, I'm sorry.
I know you don't want to move,

but even if we could fix
everything that...
you've now broken,

there still won't be
enough room for the baby.

Well, that's actually
the one thing I did finish.

Uh, Danny, that's
our linen closet.

Or at least it was
when I left for work
yesterday morning.

Do you hate it?

No.

I hate you for making me
want to stay in this apartment.

It's perfect.

Just like you.

-So, uh,
Mrs. Wheeler--
-Yeah.

Yeah, I got it.
But now what am
I supposed to get you?

You already gave me
everything I need...

Mom.

-Yeah, that was weird.
-Yeah, I just--

Dude, I'm sorry,
I'm not gonna let you do this.

If you mess this up again,
you're done.

I don't care,

because if I don't get to see
if we have something,
then I've got nothing.

Seriously,
what am I not seeing?

Oh. The boys from 4D.

What? Did you hear
there's a piece of my heart
left unbroken?

-Well, let me tell you.
There is--
-Oh, hi guys.

Oh, hey, Rog,
what's up, man?

-What are you doing?
-Tucker, hurry up.

Roger:
Guys? I-I can't
open the door!

-Tucker?
-Sondra, I'm sorry.

This was all just one
big stupid game.

-Sondra?
-Tucker, get to it!

When I heard you broke up
with Dr. Mike, I just
should have come up,

but I-I sent in Ben because
I thought you needed a rebound,

but then you'd already
rebounded, so then we had
to rebound the rebound,

and then Roger went in
and went rogue,
and now here we are.

I'm not really following.

He likes you!

Look, I never should've
broken up with you
in the first place.

Is there any way you could
give me a second chance?

(door rattles)

Of course there is.

All you had to do was ask.

Dr. Mike was just
the rebound from you.

You'll always be
my Tuckle-Bear.

Aw, that's gross.

-(Roger yells)
-(body thuds)

But I just broke up
with my girlfriend.

How hot is she?
You got a picture?

Just saying, if you need
a rebound guy, I got you.

With the store credit
from the crib

and the big sale tomorrow,

it is gonna be like

Christmas in July for you.

Oh, and don't you worry
about those doggies.

Luckily, this place sells
ground beef and sleeping pills.

So, have you heard?

Sondra and Tucker
are dating again.

Yeah, I know,
I don't get it either.

I mean, what does
she see in him?