All language subtitles for Baby.Daddy.S06E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪♪

(gasp)
Let me see your shoes.
Ohhh, there you go, you got it.

Now, you just need to learn
how to be twice as good
at everything

for half the pay,
and you are on your way
to womanhood.

Oh, here you are.

Wow! You guys look great.

Oh, crap. Am I supposed
to look great, too?

I can be ready for whatever
I'm not ready for
in two minutes.

Danny, Danny!
This pregnant girl
is not going anywhere.

We were just playing dress-up
because this might be
my last month

to wear any of my clothes
without them exploding.

Sweetie, you look great.

Remember, I fell in love
with you when you were chunky.

Hon, I'm gonna fall out of love
with you if you ever call me
chunky again.

(fabric ripping)

I don't know how...
but this can be my fault
if you want it to be.

(crying) Thanks.
I'd like that very much.

(theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing
how the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change direction ♪

...And that's
when Brad and I realized,

"harder"
is a horrible safe word.

God, I miss
drinking coffee alone.

Oh, my God, you guys,
guess what?

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

I don't care.

Well, I don't care
that you don't care,

because I have
just been nominated

for a New York
Entertainment Award!

Oh, yeah!

Oh-hoho-ho!

-Ay, ay, okay, okay...
-Oh ah, uh-uh, oh, what...

Get off,
this is my happy dance!

Mine!

Did you get nominated
for watching television?

'Cause that's all you've done
for the last month.

No, I got nominated

for the critically acclaimed

Mother's Day special

I produced
for The Mary Hart Show,

right before that ungrateful wig

in spandex fired me.

Who's laughin' now?

Probably still her,

since she's rich and powerful,

and you've had macaroni
for three straight meals.

Yeah, yeah-yeah-- yeah,

whatever, man, she could laugh
all she wants,

because once the news gets out

that I was nominated,

the job offers, they're
just gonna start flyin' in.

People will literally
be all over me.

Oh, my God, Tucker,
we are gonna have
so much fun!

First of all,
you are not invited,

and second of all,
I think I just lost my gum
in there.

What, again?

Hey, here's
a little thought-ski--

since you're nominated
for a Mother's Day special,

why don't you invite your mom?

My mom?

If she had any human parts
that registered emotion,

I'd say yes, but I pretty much
struck out

in the warm
and loving parents department.

Oh. Well not everybody
can be as lucky as Ben.

You never know, man.

This is important.
It's your first award.

I guess I can call her.

Hey, but can I borrow
your phone,

'cause she doesn't pick up
when I call.

Thanks, man.

Oh! "Why don't you
call your mom?"

Why don't you invite your mouth
to shut up?

God, I miss
drinking coffee alone.

How did this happen?

Well... I think it started
with you takin' off my shirt,

and then I took off
your shirt--

No...

this.
I mean, how-- how am I
this big already?

Honey, you look adorable,
you finally popped.

Huh, yeah, I popped all right,
you wanna know why?

Because a giant
impregnated me.

A giant who I love very much.

But everyone
at work is gonna know
that I'm pregnant.

You haven't told them yet?

Are you ashamed of our baby?

Shouldn't you see it first?

No, well, no one at work knows,
because if they find out,

they'll never make me
junior partner.

You know, they won't see
a brilliant lawyer,

they'll see a flabby bundle
of maternity leave.

I was really hoping
they would've made a decision
by now.

Well, then you need
to make them decide.

Go in there
and refuse to take no
for an answer...

like I do.

For the last time,
we are not naming
our kid Maverick.

But you know what,
you're right. You're right.
(elevator dings)

I'm going to make it happen.

Thank you.

Oh, uh,
don't forget your lunch.

No salsa, carrots
or cole slaw involved.

I got a pregnancy
barf list goin'.

Oh, my God... oh God,
you might wanna add tuna
to that list!

-This could be my fault, too.
-It is!

No, I-- I get it, Mom.

Yeah. Y-- You're a doctor,
you're busy.

Yes, we can count this
as my birthday call.

Seriously, what kind of mother
doesn't wanna

be part of one of their son's
proudest moments?

Ucch! Let it go! Okay?

Nobody thought
you were gonna graduate,
so I made plans.

Not me, Tucker!

And you were at
my graduation.

I think you might
have a drinking problem.

Okay, Mom.
Yeah, no, it's-- it's fine.

I'll talk to you later.

Hey, Tuck.
How'd it go?

Why do I ever listen to you?

That good, huh?

No, Ben, not good.

She's not coming.

-This is all my fault.
-Yeah, we all got that.

I just feel so bad for him.

Me, too.

Ahh... that's
what this feeling is.

Compassion.

Mm, I don't like it!

I need a drink.

And I wanna see you all
at the sexual harassment seminar
on Monday.

Especially you, Janice.

Dismissed.

Whoa, whoa, Perrin.
What are you on, some kinda
doughnut cleanse?

-No. I'm just--
-Calm down, I'm not callin' you
fat, I'm just suggesting

you slow it down a bit,
'cause if you choke,

HR has forbidden me
from administering the Heimlich.

I still think shirts off
is more effective.

Right, um... actually,
I wanted to talk to you

about announcing
the new junior partner?

Those of us in the running
have been jumping through hoops

for months, and I think
we deserve to know.

Wow, feisty pants,
you wanna re-aim
that angry gun?

Huh?

But you do have a point.

-Thank you.
-So here's what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna have everyone
stay late tomorrow,

so you can present
the closing arguments
to the McDougal case,

and if we're suitably impressed,

well, I think we'll be able
to make a decision.

Uh, wow! Uh, tomorrow,
as in the day after today?

I'm sorry, you said
the MacDonald case?

Mc-Dou-gal.

You are prepared,
aren't you, counselor?

Oh-- Oh, so prepared, I mean,
I could do it right now,
if you wanted.

But let's not, because
you look busy.

So, uh, tomorrow's fine.
Or... next week?

Whichever.

Hi! Tucker Dobbs.

Probably takin' home
an award tomorrow night.

(laughs)

Hey-- Hey,
Frank Bostwick, right?

Did I just hear
you were in the market

for a hot young producer,
perfect, I'll call Monday!

Tucker Dobbs? I've heard
some very impressive things
about you.

Really? Impressive enough
to hire me? (laughs)

I'm not desperate,
I'm just asking.

Well, all I can say is,
your mother is hysterical.

My what?

Hello, son.

What the hell
are you doing here?

I told you, you are not
my plus one, y-- you're not
even my minus one.

Ben felt bad
about your mother
not loving you enough

to show up, so here I am.

Not loving you enough,
but... showing up.

Okay. (chuckles)
Right, right. Well, I suggest

you finish filling up
on shrimp and get the hell
outta here.

Seriously, I can see them
in your purse.

Is that any way to treat
the woman who just talked up

her talented, driven,
bi-racial son,

and got him
three job interviews?

Hey, you look important,
have you met my mom?

Oh, hey...

Dr. Dobbs! I'm so happy
you could make it. Tucker
is gonna be so surprised.

So, I bet you're pretty proud
of your son.

Oh, of course I am.

Makutawatah
will be a brilliant doctor
one day.

And to think, he only cost me
$29 a month and a couple
of stamps.

I meant Tucker.

Oh, Tucker could never
be a doctor.

-(both laughing)
-Well, we certainly
pulled that off,

didn't we... son?

Well, the awards
are tomorrow night,

so be sure to pull it off
again... "Mom"!

-You're grounded!
-Not again, Ma!
(both laughing)

You know, I'm kinda sorry
your mom didn't come.

I'd like to meet her someday.

You slept with my dad
and were named
in their divorce.

And that's why I said,
"kinda sorry."

Okay.

Thanks for coming,
that was super fun,
I'm really tired, bye!

Why do so many of my dates
end this way?

Mmm.

Mom! Wha-- What a surprise!

Oh, my God!

Oh... okay, I'd like
to be done now.

Okay. Um...
what are you doing here?

Guilty!

Well, after we spoke,
Benjamin called

and explained to me

how important
this award thing
is to you.

You didn't get that
from my call when I said

how important this award thing
is to me?

Well, you think
everything is important.

Lord knows I've left
the operating room

for a couple of backyard plays
that turned out to be
not as critical

as my patients.

Ben, can I talk to you
for a minute?

Mom, just, uh...
m-- make yourself comfortable.

Oh, I haven't been comfortable
in 26 years.

Hey, aren't you 26?

Hey, man, no need
to get all mushy.

A simple "thank you"
is fine.

You're right,
this really calls
for a hug.

Get off of me!

Why would you send your mom
to be my pretend mom,

while you call my mom
to come and be my real mom?

Wait! Did my mom
show up at the cocktail party?

That was not the plan!

Well, let's just hope
she didn't talk to anyone.

She talked to everyone!

The whole world thinks
she's my mom.

I have six interviews
and a bachelor party to go to.

But your mom's gonna be crushed
if she doesn't get to go now.

Yeah. That's kinda why
I'm so pissed!

Oh... yeah, I was wondering.

Look, man, I know you don't
have the best relationship
with your mom,

and I envy you for that.
But this could be
the fresh start.

What am I supposed to do?

I don't think
you have a choice.

You have to uninvite her.

Me? Wh-Why do I have to do it?
This is your fault.

Is it?

Yeah.

Are you sure?

Uh-huh.

I don't know...

And so, ladies and gentlemen
of the jury... (yawns)

Um... to ignore the facts
is to, um... is to...

(snoring)

Poor thing, she's exhausted.
She didn't sleep at all
last night.

She's goin' down!

-Think I should wake her up?
-If you wake her up,
I'll put you to sleep.

This is really important
for her.

Yeah, well, so was
going to that awards show
with Tucker.

But you don't see me
plotting my revenge.

You don't, do you?

'Cause I want it
to seem like an accident.

It's McDougal, not MacDonald,
stupid, stupid.

(snoring)

She's so beautiful
when she sleeps.

Is it wrong that all I wanna do
is draw a mustache on her
and post it online?

Mom!

-Okay, maybe just one picture.
-Okay!

So, what'd you think
of Uncle Tucker's
Mother's Day special?

-Eh.
-Took the "eh"
right outta my mouth.

Finally, a suit named
for the guy who's wearin' it.

The "tux"! (laughs)

What do you think, Emma?

Handsome.

And I agree!
I should be takin' you
to the awards

instead of your grandma.

Emma's grandma? My mom?

You're taking my mom?
Don't you mean your mom?

No, your mom,
like we planned.

No! I uninvited my mom
so you could take your mom.

Like we planned!

No! I uninvited my mom
so that I could take your mom...

like we planned!

-I didn't plan that!
-That's pretty obvious now!

-Should I stay out of it?
-Yes.

-Will I stay out of it?
-No.

Oh, you know me so well.

You know, Tucker, the way
your mother's been singing
your praises,

you might just have
to pay her 10 percent.

(all laughing)

-Never happening, no.
-Oh, we'll see.

I need a drink.

So... you look like
you have an expense account.

How liberal can you get
with that thing?

A vodka tonic,
hold the tonic.

Just like
your father used to drink
before he would get Frisky.

-Mom?
-Why he had to have a drink
before he brought the cat in,

I'll never know.

I can't believe you brought
my mother here!

Well, I'm sorry.
How was I supposed to know

you were gonna reinvite
my mom?

The same way I was supposed
to know you would stay out
of my business.

Well, a better friend
would know
I have no self-control.

What do we do now?

Oh-- Oh, I'll tell you
what you're gonna do.

You're gonna go
keep my mom occupied.

-Dude, she's
an attractive woman, but I d--
-By talking to her!

Ohh, yeah,
okay, I can do that, too.

Look, I told her
that because her visit
was a "surprise,"

there wasn't enough time
to get her a ticket
at my table.

So, the two of you,
you're just gonna sit
in the back together,

and then I'll slip out
with her afterwards
and take her to dinner.

I like it, I like it,
but do you have another plan

where I'm not stuck
with the my mom at the end?

Oh, no. Incoming mom!
Incoming mom!

-Mine or yours?
-Both! Go! Go!

All right, are we all ready
to do this?

I want everyone
to give Ms. Perrin here
their undivided attention.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury, before you sits
not just an innocent man,

but a man willfully
and wrongly accused.

We have shown--
uh-- uh-- ho-- Is that tuna?

Wow. Way to lose focus.

Sorry.
We have shown that the defendant
could not have possibly--

Are-- Are you gonna eat that
right now?

Uh, Perrin, if you're gonna
be working the sandwich
into your argument...

bad idea.

Again, sorry.

Uh... we have shown
that the defendant

could not have possibly
committed the crime--
(gagging)

crimes of which
he has been accused,

because, well-- huh,
because he just simply
wasn't there.

-Ms. Perrin? You okay?
-No, no, I'm fine,
I'm fine, thank you.

And... seeing
as he wasn't there,
he, uh--

Oh my-- Oh, my God!
(vomiting)

(cell phone ringing)

(cell phone ringing)

I think you have a call.

(awards music playing
and applause)

This is just like
the awards ceremonies
for doctors, except,

we don't give awards,
we just... save lives
and don't brag about it.

Dr. Dobbs, I know
this is none of my business,

but can I be honest with you?

Which implies
you've been dishonest
with me up until this point,

but sure, go ahead.

Bottom line, I don't think
Tucker thinks he's important
to you.

Well, that's ridiculous.
I heavily imply it constantly.

You know what?
I don't think you're
a very good mother.

You're uncaring, you're cold,
and you make Tucker
feel like crap.

Is it so hard to show your son
that you're proud
of what he does?

Even my mom shows me
that she loves me,
and she hates me.

I don't care how deep
you have to dig to find an ounce

of unconditional love
and support, but you better
do it.

Because he deserves it.

How long have you two
been dating?

Hey, hey... how'd it go?
Did you kill it?

Oh, I killed it.
Yeah, uh, I killed my career.

You know what?
And it's my fault, for thinking
that I could have it all,

that I could be a mom,
and this hotshot lawyer,

when the truth is,
I can't even go five minutes

without barfing
in somebody's handbag.

You puked in a purse?

Yes. I did.

And it was a really nice purse.

Look, they'll never give me
junior partner now.

I can't believe I thought
I could do this.

You can do this.

You can do anything
because you're Riley Perrin.

You're gonna be the mother
to my child,

and if you want something...
you're gonna get it!

Danny, Danny!

Hey. I'm Danny Wheeler,
Riley's fiancé.

I never touched her,
don't hurt my face.

What? No. No, I just want
you all to know

that you're making
a terrible mistake.

So what if she's pregnant?

Yeah... that's right.

She's not fat.
She's got a kid
shoved up in there!

My hero.

But you should all be ashamed
of yourselves. She's managed
to outwork all of you,

24-7, round the clock,
learning this case
inside and out,

just to prove
what I've always known--

that she can do anything
she sets her mind to.

And that's exactly
the kind of lawyer
you should make partner.

(kazoo fanfare)

Surprise.

Uhh... What-- What is going on?

Oh, my God, I did it.
I got you the job!

We decided on you last week.
I set up this whole
closing arguments thing

just to get you down here
so that we could surprise you.

Puking into Sandy's handbag
was just a bonus.

But, for the record,
you being pregnant
was never an issue.

Is that how HR
told me to say it?

So you knew?

-How?
-Well, you stopped
drinkin' coffee,

and you switched to water
at happy hour, and, well,
your office smells like vomit.

And the winner for
Outstanding Daytime Special
goes to...

Tucker Dobbs,
The Mary Hart Show:
A Very Hart-Felt Mother's Day.

Oh, my God, I did it, I won!

-What are you doing?
-I'm going with you.

-Wait! Where are you going?
-You just told me I need
to show him I'm proud of him.

I didn't mean now!

No, don't-- No, ow! Ohh!

Okay, fine.
But not a word out of you!

Wow, to say
this is a surprise
is an under--

Tucker, darling,
I'm so happy for you.

Who's this woman?

I'm his mother.

-Who are you?
-I'm his mother.

That's right.
Tucker Dobbs has--
has two mommies.

Two white mommies.

Tonight was a journey
long in the--

Where the hell have you been
all this time?

Um, saving lives?

Why is this woman
pretending to be your mother?

Can we please do this later?

-As I was saying...
-And why are you even here?

Did they run out of ice?

I-- I don't know who you are,
but it would be terrific

if you would just shut up.

Hey hey hey,
how about you both shut up?

I just wanna dedicate this to--

So what you're saying
is I'm not good enough
for him?

Well, from what I hear,
you're not good enough
for a lot of people.

Oh, 'kay, well, I'm here now,
so you can leave.

No, you can leave.

Oh, I wish I could leave.

Tucker, I need
to talk to you.

Seriously, can we do this later?

I never really
wanted kids.

And we're doing this now.

I just want you
to know that I really
do love you, Tucker.

And I'm sorry
if I have a hard time
showing it.

I love you, too, Mom.

Oh...

Powerful stuff, huh?

-And I just wanted
to say that I really--
-Not now, Mrs. Wheeler.

Wheeler?
Bonnie Wheeler?

You're the woman
who slept with my husband?

No, no, you are thinking
of a different Bonnie Wheeler,

You know what?
I'm gonna go get her.

-'Kay?
-Get back here.

Mom! This way,
through the kitchen!

You know, just once,
I'd like to not have to run out
of someplace fancy with you.

Wait! No, I--

Wow. I just-- uh--
(music begins)

(indistinct)

-Come on, man.
-The music's on.

Okay, maybe the most awkward
acceptance speech ever,

but you're back in the TV biz.

Yeah, only if I get a job
selling them.

Every one of those interviews
got canceled.

I'm sorry, man.

But your mom did show up.

Yeah. Hey, she told me
what you said.

Thank you, Ben.

You know, sometimes I wish
I was a part of your family.

Your mom might be crazy,

but... she really
had my back today.

Hey, don't tell Tucker,

but I tried to open
a bottle of wine

with his award.

Those wing things
snapped right off.

Welcome to the family.