All language subtitles for Baby.Daddy.S06E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10

♪♪

There. I believe Danny's
old room is officially ready
for its new tenant.

And to think, it only took
seven coats of paint to get it
to stop smellin'

like the inside
of an old gym bag.

When Ben finally moved out
of the house, I just
opened the door

and started
parking my car there again.

Ben:
Can we come in?

Ooh! Not yet!

Okay, um...

Oh. Uh-oh... yeah.

And now, we're ready.

All:
Surprise!

Fifty square feet
of living space,
a lovely fake kitchen,

and a window
overlooking an air shaft.

But the best part,
rent is only a daily
"I love you, Daddy."

I love you, Daddy.

She's growin' up.

Hmm? Her own bedroom,
a big-girl bed.

This is quite a milestone.

Oh, Benji.
It's gonna be okay.

She'll always need
her dad.

Thanks. But I just realized
I finally get to have sex
in my own room again.

Oh, my God.
It's been so long.

(theme music playing)

♪ It's amazing
how the unexpected ♪

♪ Can take your life
and change direction ♪

(bell dings)

Okay, Emma,
you are about
to be welcomed

to the amazing world
of professional wrestling!

Though some might mock you
for your choice...

Just know that you

are on the side
of righteousness!

Yeah.

Hey, remember
when we were nine?

And you crushed me
with your thighs so hard
it dislocated my shoulder?

That's when
I first started thinking
you might love me back.

And that's
when I first started thinking,

"Diet, Riley. Diet."

You know, we would've made
a lot fewer visits

to the hospital if someone
just told us it was fake.

Seriously? Why don't
you just tell her

about Santa Claus or the pope
while you're at it.

The pope is real.

That's more like it.

(bell dings)

Wait. Yeah, I think
I know that guy.

Ryan Davidson.
He was my roommate

during training camp.

The last spot on the team
came down to the two of us,

and I got it.

I always wondered
what happened to him.

Maybe you should
give him a call.

He doesn't wanna talk to me.

I'm still a Ranger
and he's a wrestler.

He's livin' the dream.

I really hope the baby
gets your eyes.

Ooh! Tucker, perfect!

I need some expert advice.

Dude, I told you.
I'm not a doctor.

I mean, I'll look at it
if you want me to.

What? No, no, I'm trying
to craft the perfect text

to seal the deal with this girl
I right-swiped this morning.

Too bad there's no emoji
that says,

"Hey, wanna just come over
and have sex?"

Ah, the question
all men wish they could ask.

I mean, other than,
"Why can't you be ready
when you say you will?"

Is it so wrong
that all I wanna do

is christen my room
and not be bogged down
with all that caring

or name learning?

Karma got it right
by givin' you a daughter.

I'm walkin' a tightrope
here, man.

Too sweet and she thinks
we're starting a relationship.

Too direct and it's over
before it starts.

There's just no way
to say it.

(phone buzzing)

"How about I come over
around 11 tonight?"

There's one way to say it.

-It's her. That is
what she's saying, right?
-Yeah.

Oh, my God, it's a miracle.

-Hey, guys, what's goin' on?
-Oh, Ben just found
a bang buddy.

-(laughs)
-I really enjoy
our little talks.

So, how do you decide
who's gonna win or lose?

Oh! And have you ever
gotten in a real fight
during a fake fight?

Oh, and-- and...
why is it called a ring

when it's actually
shaped like a square?

Sorry, I got
so many questions.

I'm just a huge fan!

Don't be too impressed.

I'm in what you might call
a second-tier league.

Most people who come to see us
just wanna get out of the cold.

Second tier is
still impressive.

I'd kill
to get in any ring.

Well... fake kill.
I know how it works.

I could probably
make that happen.

Seriously?

Maybe you could be
a special guest fighter.

I mean, wrestling
a New York Ranger,

that kind of publicity
would really help us out.

Dude, that'd be amazing.

Can I come up
with my own signature move?

Can I hit you
with a chair?

Oh, my God,
it's all happening so fast.

-Oh. Hey, Tuck-Tuck.
-What up?

Rockin' some plaid
today, huh? Okay.

Oh God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh God,
what is he doing here?

Who?

What, the guy with Danny?
Do you know him?

Yes! I know him.
I ruined him!

-What, did you have sex
with him?
-Yeah.

-Oh, I was kidding.
-Oh God.

During Danny's
first training camp,

it came down
to the two of them
for the final spot.

So, the night before
the last practice,

I took Ryan out
and filled him full of booze,

and, you know,
one thing led to another,

and let's just say,
Danny made the team.

Does Danny know?

Oh God, no!

He would be crushed
if he learned
he made the team

because I scored
and he didn't!

I was never here.

Wait. Wait.

So, you think this girl
is coming over tonight

for no reason other
than to have sex with you.

Did I stutter? If I did,
it's only because
I'm s-s-s-so excited.

Okay, well, that kind of girl
is like a unicorn.

She doesn't exist.
Tonight it's sex,
tomorrow it's...

"Hey, babe, sell the Porsche.
We need to get a minivan."

I am telling you,
she's just looking
for an in.

So am I, Riley.
So am I.

Ben, women don't have sex
unless they have feelings
for you,

so if you're not in it
for the feelings,
well, then...

you won't be feeling
anything of hers.

Really? So just bottom-line me,
what is the absolute least
I have to do to get some?

Well, Romeo,

uh, if you really
wanna christen the room...

which by the way, ew...

uh, you're gonna need
some candles, some wine,

perhaps treat her
like a human being.

How about two out of three?

-(thudding)
-What the hell was that?

(grunting)

Both:
Hey, guys!

Yeah, they wanted to practice
at our place,

but I felt more comfortable
with them breaking your stuff.

(grunting)

By the time
the slow-witted tortoise

woke up
after an evening
in the forest,

the momma bear
had ruined his hockey career.

Now she was worried
that the tortoise

had figured it out,
and was laying a bear trap.

You get that I'm
the momma bear, right?

Yes.

Do you think
that Ryan figured out
that I'm Danny's mom,

-and put it all together?
-Yes.

-Wow, you're wise.
-(thudding)

What is going on
out there?

-(grunting)
-This is usually the point
in the video

when I realize
I've downloaded the wrong one.

Oh. Hey, Mrs. Wheeler.
You lose your "vitamins" again?

Tucker. All right, Tucker?
Can I speak to you

in Emma's room
for a moment, huh?

-Tea party!
-Oh, of course, sweetie, yes!

I promised a tea party.
Oh, how lovely.

Oh, my goodness. Oh...

(British accent)
So, why didn't you tell me
that Ryan was here, gov'nah?

(British accent)
Because I didn't care,
Your Highness.

Oh. Oh, well.
Well, if you don't start caring,

-I will shove a scone
so far up your--
-Good point, love! Okay!

(both laughing)

I, uh, I heard
Danny is going
to wrestle him

tomorrow night
for publicity.

(in normal voice)
What? Don't you see
what's happening?

Danny is living the life
Ryan should've had.

But I destroyed him,
so he's here to destroy Danny!

Oh. (laughs)

Oh, I mean...
(British accent)
I do believe he will

get him in the ring
and just shred him
to pieces.

Ahh, I need your help.
We need to stop Danny
from wrestling

without telling him
the truth. Mm-hm.

Oh. Please, Emma?

Oh.

It's up to you, Tucker,
where this goes.

(knocking on door)

Anita! Yes!

You look like
your profile pick. Finally!

-Do I look like mine?
-Meh.

Can I offer you a glass of wine
and some soft candlelight

while we get to know
each other better?

Well, I don't drink,
and I'm actually meeting
some friends

in a half hour, so...

(stammering)
So, you wanna go
straight to...?

Your room. Is that okay?

Is that okay?
That wins the award
for most okay statement ever.

Yeah, it's just over there
to the left. Will you excuse me
for just one second?

Hey. What do you want?

Just delivering
some breaking news.

Unicorns are real,
and I'm about to go tame one.

I'm tellin' you,
it was perfect.

She just got up and left.

No obligatory cuddle,
no awkward conversation

about when we're gonna
see each other again.

Wait. What was the name
of this app you met her on?

Right, but you're gonna
have to see her again
to give her back her earring.

Wait. What? How do you know
Anita left her earring?

Because a bra is too obvious,
and you can't walk home
without your shoes.

Sure, she's fine
with the 11 p.m.
booty call now,

but Anita is playing
the long game,

and you're falling
for every trick in the book.

No. Never happening.
Anita's not that kind of girl.

Oh, my God! My watch stopped,
all the clocks in the house
are wrong,

and I don't know
where my phone is.

(muffled ringing)

Oh my G--
How did that get there?

I'm already an hour late
for wrestling practice. Oh!

Guys, don't forget,
my big match is tonight.

Spoiler alert: I lose,
but you won't see it coming.

Oh! Hey. Hey, honey,
I just came by to stop you.

I mean, get you--
um, talk to you.

No time, Ma.
I've got to get
to the ring.

Oh! Well, then,
it's a good thing
I caught you, then,

because I just discovered
that you can't wrestle,

because it's against
your contract with the Rangers.

Oh. Yeah, I knew about that.
That's why I already cleared it
with the team.

Oh God, you picked now
to read your contract?

-Um...
-Mom, I gotta go.

Oh, let me just hug you
before you go, honey.
-Mom-- Mom--

-Let me hug you.
Let me hug you!
-Mom. Mom. Mom.

-I love you! I love you!
-Mom! Mom! Mom!
Mom, let me go!

I love you!

Listen, Danny, all right,
have fun, and don't look back.

Seriously, on the way there,
don't look back!

Okay.
(screaming) Tucker!

Is it just me,
or is my mom
acting kind of weird?

It's never just you.

-(phone buzzing)
-Oh! Oh, the phone!

Ten bucks says that's her,
she had a great time,

and she can't wait
to see you again.

Well, you're on.

And it is from Anita.
And she says, "Had a nice time.

Can't...
wait to see you again."

Ah! Oh! I knew it!
God, I hate that we are
so predictable.

-(phone buzzing)
-Ooh, a follow-up.

"Maybe I can swing by
for 20 minutes at lunch time."

Why would she wanna do that?

Two words: She's horny.

Tucker:
Mrs. Wheeler, wrestling
is Danny's dream.

I mean, his odd,
kind of creepy,
kind of man-grabby dream,

but you're never gonna
get him to quit now.

I know.
Which is why I am gonna
have to stop Ryan myself.

Do I even need to ask how?

Seducing Ryan is what got me
into this mess,

and seducing Ryan is gonna
get me out of it.

Nope, I had it.

Look, I'm just gonna
get him drunk and lock him
in his motel room.

Isn't that exactly
what got you into this mess
in the first place?

What are you,
the memory police?

Listen. He's only here
for one night.

It won't be a problem, okay?

Take it.

Ryan?
Oh... (grunts)

Ryan Davidson?

Is that you?

Oh my goodness.
How, after all these years,
we both look so great.

I'm sorry, have we met?

It's a little hard for me
to keep track of all my fans.

Oh. But I was
a very special fan.

Yeah, that's
what they all think.

Enjoy the show tonight.

I guess
slamming his head
against the floor

made him forget about you.

Hey, real quick,
can you slam my head
against the floor?

Oh, he remembers me,
all right.

Nobody forgets
Bonnie Wheeler.

No matter how hard they try.

Hey, Steve.

Can you prep
a B-12 shot for me?

I need a little
somethin' extra
for the show tonight.

Oh! Tucker. I know how
we can stop the match.

Well, at least
how you can stop the match.

Nope, not doin' it.
Don't even ask.
I'm going home.

-Okay, I'll buy
you dinner.
-Lobster?

-Pizza.
-Steak?

-Pizza.
-Done.

Aah, I was hopin'
for the pizza man.

I wanted to tell you,
Anita just stopped by,

and she didn't even stay
the full 20 minutes.

Not really somethin'
to brag about.

Ben, I'm sorry, but this girl
is playing you perfectly.

Mmm, pretty sure someone
who has feelings for me

wouldn't accidentally
call me "Bill."

And yet, you seem
oddly obsessed with her.

I'm not obsessed.
If I see her again, great,

if I don't, whatever.

Oh, good!
Because if I was her,

and I was,
uh, I predict she's
about to go radio silent,

totally unavailable,
now you're the one chasing her,

and that's when
she reels you in like a fish.

(laughs)
No. She'd jump at the chance
to see me again.

"Hey, Anita.
Round three tonight?"

-(phone buzzing)
-Oh! Would you look at that.

It's as if she was anxiously
awaiting my call.

"Sorry, busy."

"Are you sure?

Late is cool."

Mm, not desperate at all.

-(phone buzzing)
-"Still busy."

"How about tomorrow night?"
Happy face emoji.

Maybe she didn't get it.
I'll send it again,
just to be safe.

Oh, you know what?
You have something
right here.

Oh, it's a hook.

Oh, man,
that's really in there.

It couldn't be simpler.
Just tell Ryan you're ready
to give him his B-12 shot.

But shoot him up
with this muscle relaxer
instead, okay?

He can't paralyze Danny
if we paralyze him first.

Should I be concerned
you were carrying

a vial of muscle relaxer
in your purse?

Should I be concerned
you know how to do that so well?

-There he is. Okay.
-(clears throat)

Ry-Ry! What's up, man?
I got that, uh, that, uh,
B-12 shot you requested?

Awesome!
What happened to Steve?

(giggling)

I... I tied him up
in the trainer's room.

I'm pretending
to be a doctor!

(laughing)
You're funnier
than Steve.

(grunts)

Sorry, Doc.
I'll come back later.

What the hell is
the matter with you?

I can't feel
the left side
of my body.

Ow! That's my right side!

I know!
Now quit messing around.

We've gotta go help Danny.

Oh God!

Why does everything
always have to be about you?

(cheering)

Oh, dude, I'm telling you,
she's not texting you back.

Yeah, I got that,
23 unreturned texts ago.

You people ruin everything.

I kept up my end
of the bargain,

a relationship
with no commitment,
no feelings, no words.

And you know what?
The joke's on her.

She slept with me
for nothing.

I know that joke.

Oh, my God,
that's her.

Her who? (gasps)
The unicorn?

Ben:
Yeah, like you didn't
see this coming?

Um... no, not really.

I mean, how did she know
you were gonna be here?

Maybe she went through
my phone, or whatever tricks
you all use.

Or perhaps
it's a coincidence.

And cue the fake date.

Could she be more obvious?

Or... perhaps
she's on an actual date.

Don't try
and save her now.

If she thinks
she can make me care,

then she can think again.

Really? 'Cause you
seem like you care.

I don't care.

(cheering, whistling)

I don't think this is right.

Listen. Sweetie, honey,
I am begging you,
don't do this.

You could get hurt.

You could end your career.

Don't worry, Mom.
It's all fake.

(bell dings)

(grunting)

(grunts)

Whoa. That hurt more
than I thought it would.

(grunts)

That's because Ryan
is trying to destroy
your career.

He blames you
for not making the team.

Ow! Uh!

-Why?
-Because your mother,
who loves you very much...

Aah!

(grunting)

...seduced Ryan the last night
of training camp...

-(growling)
-(groaning)

...to make sure
that you made the team.

I'm living a lie?

(grunts, groans)

(growling)

Roundhouse! Roundhouse!
Oh, I meant Danny,
not you, Ryan.

(thudding)

Look at her. Thinkin'
she's so smart.

Like I'm gonna go over there
and make a scene or somethin'.

I really don't think
she even knows you're here.

Oh, she knows.

She's been makin' me dance,
but it's time this puppet
cut the strings.

Aah! Dude!
That really hurts!

Just tryin' to make it
look real.

Hey, you gotta believe me,
I had no idea

she sabotaged your chances
of becoming a Ranger.

-What are you talkin' about?
-That woman who seduced you

the last night at camp,
she did it on purpose.

It's the reason you got cut.

But I'd already been cut
from the team that afternoon.

That's why I didn't come
to the last day of practice.

Really? I made the team
fair and square?

-You're not tryin' to hurt me?
-What? No. Why would I do that?

And how'd you know
I slept with someone that night?

And, God,
she was easy.

-What?
-Talk about
one desperate old broad.

Hey, that desperate
old broad is my mom!

Hey, can you hold my head up
so I can see what's going on?

God, try to show
some enthusiasm!

Anita! Surprise.
I see you're too busy
to answer a text,

but not too busy to follow me
to my brother's wrestling match.

Ben... hi.

-This is Jim.
-Yeah, yeah, let me guess,
your probably gay, co-worker,

you brought around
just to make me jealous?

Why are you following me?

I'm not following you.
You're following me!

I can't believe
that you're so desperate
to get a boyfriend

that you tricked me
into believing that
we had something special:

sex without feelings.

That's exactly
what I thought we had, too.

-So, you're not--
-No, I'm not whatever it is
you think I'm doing.

Oh! Well, then, my bad.

So I'll just leave you alone,
and you can text me whenever.

Yeah, I don't think so,
Mr. Twenty-three Texts.

Let's get out of here.

See? I told you
that unicorns don't exist.

I'd like to start off
by saying I was wrong.

And for the record,
a woman admitting she was wrong
is a unicorn in itself.

(grunting)

Yes! Get him, Danny!

-(bell dings)
-Yeah! Ha-ha!

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, my God!
Danny, you did it!

Oh God! Oh!
I'm so proud of you!

And listen, honey, I am sorry
for sleeping with Ryan.

Oh. It's okay, Mom.

Oddly enough, I appreciate
why you do what you do.

Is Tucker okay?

Have you seen Ben?

I wanted to apologize again.

Yeah, I think
he went to bed,

but, um,
you can check his room.

I'm fine, by the way.

Knock, knock.

Aw, don't worry, Emma.

Someday you'll get
your own room.